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Starting From Zero Excerpt

9/20/2015

          I write and talk about relationships so much people forget I have other books.   The following is an excerpt from my novel, Starting From Zero.   The main character is a young man named Steve Walters whose life is spiraling in the wrong direction.   It's a powerful story with many layers.   The story is set in the Nineties.   Enjoy the excerpt.

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           “Ummm, the food smells good,”   Carol says as she sits at her kitchen table watching while I cook her a steak dinner. I’m making New York strip steaks, baked potatoes, broccoli, and rolls. It has been a few days since I met Carol.   We talked every night on the phone. I hope she works out. It would be nice if some woman works out. It would have been nice if Jessica had worked out. Damn I’m really reaching back now. I wonder how Jessica is doing now. I wonder if she is still with that knucklehead.
            Carol interrupted my thoughts. “Steve, I’ll make a salad to go along with the meal.”             “That’ll be nice. Dinner should be ready in fifteen minutes.”
            “That will give me enough time to get the salad together.” Carol gets up and walks to the refrigerator. She is looking good with a loose green T-shirt and some loose jeans that still managed to show off her phat ass.   The sister is definitely built.
            Carol reaches into the refrigerator to get tomatoes and stuff for the salad. “You like croutons?”
            “That’ll be nice.”
           “How about cheese cubes?”
           “Cool."
            “How about some ranch dressing?”
            “Perfect.”
            “I like this,” Carol smiles. “Making dinner in my kitchen with a handsome man. I love it.”
            Oh man she thinks I’m handsome. “I love it too. Making dinner in the kitchen of a beautiful woman.”
            Carol walks over and gives me a peck on the cheek. “You are so special.”
            “What was that for?”
            “For making me feel so good.”
            “Glad to be of service.”
            We sit down to eat after I put the food on the table. I open a bottle of Chardonnay.
            “This steak is delicious. My compliments to the chef.”
            “Thank you. Your salad is great. You must have stuck your finger in it.”
            “Stuck my finger in it?”
            “Something my grandfather says. It means that it tastes good because you made it.”
            “Good response.”
            Good response? “You said I was special earlier. What makes me special? I’m an ordinary Joe.”
            “You’re more than ordinary. You’re intelligent. A lot of men aren’t intelligent. You’re handsome. A lot of men aren’t handsome. You have a nice body. A lot of men definitely don’t have that. You’re nice, you cook, and you’re employed. I think you have a bright future.”
            “What makes you think that my future is bright?” I’m glad somebody does.
            “You’re obviously very intelligent.   You talk about getting a law degree.”
            “I don’t really think about it that often.”
            “I think you should. You’ll probably be successful.” Carol sounds assured. “You’ve already been in making me happy and that’s not easy.”
            “What do you mean? I’m sure you’ve experienced happiness in the past.”
            “We can talk about that after we finish this wonderful dinner.”

            We finish eating and after putting the dishes away we go into her living room to watch a comedy concert movie, Patrick Wilson - Live. The brother is funny. After the movie we have some more wine. Feeling looser Carol talks about her past relationships.
            “I really haven’t been out with that many men. I guess I’ve been choosy.”
            “You have to be. There’s a lot of jerks out there.”
            “I think that I’ve managed to avoid the jerks, but the guys I did go out with...everything would be fine until they would do something stupid.”
            “Stupid? Like what?”
            “One guy that I had been going out with for five months was late for a date. He didn’t call or anything. He shows up to my apartment an hour late and then doesn’t explain why he was late. He tried to play it off like nothing happened.”
            “I don’t know why guys are so stupid sometimes.”
            “I wish you could tell me. There was this one guy I was with who tried to have sex with me without a condom. He said that he didn’t have one. When I told him that we couldn’t have sex he all of a sudden produced one. I told him to get out of my apartment.”
            “At least you didn’t tolerate his stuff.”
            “I’m trying to do too much with my life to tolerate any crap. That’s what I like about you. You seem like you want something for yourself.”
            You’re about the only one who thinks so. “Thank you. Now let me do something for you. Lay down on the couch.”
            “What for?”
            “I’m going to give you a message.”
            “Why didn’t you say so?”
            Carol lays on her stomach. I straddle her and massage her neck. “Does this feel good?”
            “Ohh yesss.”
            Twenty minutes later Carol leads me into her bedroom.

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For The Ladies: Turning on a Man

9/13/2015

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The following is an excerpt from my book, Finding the Right Man. Even though I'm known for my self-help books for men, the piece that got me started was a pamphlet called Finding a Good Man. That 12 page homemade booklet took me a long way and eventually led to my books for men. Around 2003, I wrote Finding the Right Man. It was written from the point of view of how men respond to women in the real world. Most books by men addressed to women cater to the romantic illusions of women which turns out to be counter-productive. I mean, really, has the 90 day rule promoted by a a certain old school player comedian actually worked for women?

So here's an excerpt from Finding the Right Man. It's a thank you for many of the women who have supported my work over the years.

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I will now discuss the secrets to generating sexual chemistry with a man. Men are moved to great heights when stimulated by sex. Many people consider men to be sex-obsessed but then do not ask why they are this way. Men who are truly successful in life have one thing in common: they have found a constructive use for their sex drive. A woman’s ability to arouse a man is the key to this sex drive. The woman who can keep her man aroused will have two things. One, a man who will have the drive to succeed in any chosen endeavor. Two, she will have a man predisposed to being monogamous. The biggest single reason men fool around is for sex. Two of the best ways to keep a man from cheating is to keep him aroused and focused on a project.

            The whole sex thing isn’t just about pleasing a man anyway.   Too many women don’t enjoy sex for it’s own sake. Too many see it as an obligation. Even many women who do enjoy sex are not satisfied because the men are not fulfilling their needs.    What follows are the keys to developing sexual chemistry with a man.    When a woman can truly arouse a man she not only satisfies him but she will find that he will be more motivated to satisfy her needs.

            Keys to Sexual Chemistry

  A.    Physical appearance

A key component to generating sexual chemistry with a man is physical appearance. A man’s nature is to be attracted to a woman based on her physical appearance.   No amount of intellectualism or political correctness will change this.   The Creator made us this way for a reason.   Now a mature man will also check out a woman’s emotional and spiritual traits but this will generally occur after he gets past the initial physical attraction.   The physical is what draws a man to a woman. You can be the most sweetest, loving, loyal woman in the world and the man will not be inclined to find out about your personality if he doesn’t think you have a nice body.   Even if somehow you do meet, if he doesn’t find you physically attractive you will be in the “Friend” category.

The key to a woman developing her physical appearance is to engage in some type of exercise program, particularly programs which will tone her muscles and also keep access fat off her stomach.   Fat around the stomach area is key.   The ideal shape for a woman is an hourglass figure.   There should a contrast between the breasts, the waists and the hips.   For example, Suzanne is a woman who is 5’10” and 200 pounds yet men fall all over themselves to be with her.   The reason is that despite her weight she has a relatively small waist and flat stomach. It’s the SHAPE that’s most important.   I know many woman get caught into trying to be a size 6 or below but the reality is that it’s not genetically possible for all women to be that size or even desirable for many men.   There are many men who prefer women who are size 12 and up. The key is the shape and not the clothes size.

            In addition to exercises which deal with access weight around the stomach, a woman may want to spend time working on exercises which strengthen and tone her legs and butt.   Even though there seems to be an emphasis on a woman’s breasts in the media many men are attracted to a nice booty and legs.

            Ultimately you want to be in the best shape possible.   This will do more to attract a man than degrees or material possessions.

            B. Clothing

A woman can have a body that will put a man into a trance and cause a few accidents but it would be irrelevant if she covers it too much or doesn’t wear clothes that enhance her figure. There are two considerations with the clothes a woman wears. One, does the clothing enhance her physical appearance and two, are the clothes feminine?

            Once the woman has improved her physical appearance the clothing she chooses to wear will either shield that appearance or magnify it. For example, Charlene despite having a “coke bottle” figure wears very loose clothing that effectively hides her body.   So when men see her they are not inclined to approach her regardless of her signals because they don’t see her figure and thus are not aroused.   She isn’t able to generate sexual chemistry with them.

            On the other hand Kyra has the same type of figure but she doesn’t have a problem generating sexual chemistry because she will wear tight tops, shorter than average skirts, and four-inch pumps. Even in business attire she will dress provocatively. As a result men fall over themselves to talk with her.

            In the two examples above the women are wearing clothes which project two aspects of femininity: maternal and sensual.   One issue I’m seeing more and more is women dressing like men.   It’s very important that a woman looking for the Right Man doesn’t dress like one.   If she has a “coke bottle” figure but wears clothes like a man she is not going to generate sexual chemistry with the men in her environment.

            The key to understanding with clothes is that they magnify a person’s body.    It’s very important that women are cognizant of how they choose and wear their clothing.    Using the examples from above, Charlene is in a sense neutralizing her physical appearance by covering up her body.   The average man will view her as a friend. Kyra on the other hand is over-magnifying her body.   The average man will see her as a sex partner. The key once again is balance.

            The clothing women wear should strike a balance between sensual and maternal. A woman wants to dress sensual enough to draw the man’s attention.   Instead of four inch pumps maybe one-inch pumps. Instead of a real short mini skirt maybe a skirt that stops maybe an inch above the knees.   Trust me, this will still get the man’s attention but at the same time he will not be as focused on simply physical gratification.   He will be more amenable to the woman’s emotional/spiritual traits.

C. Attitude

We’ve all seen women who have great bodies and have something going on mentally. Yet these women still have problems finding the Right Man and generating sexual chemistry. For example, Susan has a great body and is very intelligent.   Men usually see her initially as a sex partner and then as a friend if they feel like dealing with her.   She’s never a Ms. Right despite what she has going for her.   The problem is that she has a poor attitude towards men.    She is very defensive towards men which shows in her tone of voice and body language.   Despite an initial attraction men are turned off by her mannerisms.

            A woman’s attitude toward men is very important in generating sexual chemistry.   In a nutshell she needs to like men. Many women despite wanting a man do not like men.    Many women are defensive as a result.    If a man approaches them their defensiveness will turn the man off. Many men will not even approach.

            Ladies, here’s a powerful secret in attracting the right man to you: practice being receptive.    One of the biggest reasons why many women are not approached by men is that they are simply too defensive. Some defensiveness is necessary as a protection against some of the less evolved men out there. Sometimes though women are defensive in friendlier environments which may cause them to lose out on a good man because their body language tells a man to stay away.

            Even when the man and woman have sex a receptive attitude is needed.   If the woman is defensive she will not enjoy sex with the man.   During sex the woman is receiving from the man.   Her actions during sex should reflect this.   She should be like a placid lake that is being stirred by a storm.   She should allow the man to stir her up.   If she is defensive he will not be able to do his job and as a result she will tend to build up tension that will not be released by an orgasm.   One of the biggest reasons women don’t have orgasms is that they are too defensive as a result of their attitudes towards men.

            A woman looking for the Right Man needs to examine her attitude towards men. A poor attitude will lead to poor sexual chemistry.

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Extremely Attractive Women

9/6/2015

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        The following is an excerpt from my book, Sexual Chemistry.

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         When a man sees a woman with a slamming face and body he goes into a trance. While in this trance he has to possess this woman. He will do whatever it takes to possess her. With the exception of Mr. Goodbar, men will go through personality changes to be with these women or use something artificial to acquire these women. The Masked Man will use his status and money. The Gamesman will use some type of game. The Nice Guy will become her best friend.   In the eyes of men these women are icons. These women are perfectly formed goddesses who must be possessed at all costs. That is where men get in trouble. In their haste to “acquire” these women it is not taken into account that these women are living, breathing people. These women are treated like objects that are often discarded once the men has gotten used to them and sees that they are regular persons.

            At the same time it’s the nature of men to be drawn to extremely attractive women.   Nature made men this way for a reason.   So there is a situation where men are treating extremely attractive women as objects on one hand and on the other hand men are going to be drawn to extremely attractive women anyway. The key is for men to see extremely attractive women in a different light.   Before I go further I want to clarify what I mean by “extremely attractive women.” An extremely attractive woman as I use the term means two things. One is a woman who is the female equivalent of Mr. Goodbar, a Ms. Goodbar. These are the women who can walk into a room of 100 men of different races, nationalities, social classes, and be considered attractive by 90 of the men.   These are the women whose appeal transcends cultural biases. The second type of woman is one who is considered extremely attractive to maybe a few men. She may walk into a room with the same 100 men and be considered attractive to 5 of the men. To those five she is the most beautiful woman in the world. All women are extremely attractive to somebody.   Men have to learn to treat the women THEY consider attractive in a different way.

            Speaking from personal experience, I have dated several extremely attractive women in my life. I have been friends with several more similarly attractive women. These women were not just attractive in my perception but to many other men and women as well. I’m talking about women who have placed in beauty contests, a couple of women who have been in national magazines, exotic dancers, and models. One thing struck me about these women.   These women had very down to earth personalities once you got past their looks. These women had the same interests as anyone other woman. These women had interests ranging from science fiction novels to action movies to politics to religious matters.   I knew a couple of extremely attractive women who were working on PhDs.   These women were not trying to live the glamorous life. Most of these women are just like any other woman walking down the street in that they wanted a good man and family in their lives.

            Many people may disagree with what I just wrote. They may say that these women have stuck-up attitudes and are standoffish and mean.   I must admit that some of the extremely attractive women I have dealt with can come off this way.   There is an explanation for this behavior. These attitudes are really defense mechanisms against men making unwanted advances and jealous women. I’ll get to the actions of men in a second.   Many extremely attractive women catch hell from other women. For example, Kathy is a very beautiful woman with a beautiful personality.   Despite this, women who don’t know her very well will go as far as to make up lies about Kathy, especially to men who may be showing an interest. Women are very competitive with each other.   Very few women can handle being around a woman who gets more attention than they do.   There are situations where several women may gang up on one extremely attractive woman.   Several extremely attractive women have told me that they didn’t have a lot of female friends for this reason.

            The issues with men are more obvious. Extremely attractive women will be the recipients of unwanted advances by men several times a day.   Sometimes these women have to fend off advances by lesbians. This woman may be going to work, to school, shopping, or wherever. In other words there is someplace she is trying to go. There is nothing more irritating to a woman than to be constantly bothered by strangers trying to talk to her.

            The situation wouldn’t be as bad if many men knew how to talk to women in public.   It amazes me to hear adult men who cannot walk up to a woman and simply introduce himself politely.   It saddens me to hear grown men say “Hey baby” followed by a corny line. Then when the woman ignores the man he gets more aggressive and sadly in too many cases may refer to her as a “bitch.” Men will approach these women incorrectly and then get an attitude when the women don’t respond.

            Men having certain attitudes about extremely attractive women can hurt them in other ways as well.   For example, Jason, a Masked Man, comes from an upper middle-class background. He meets Michelle who not only has an extremely attractive face and body but she also has a great job making lots of money and is educated with two advanced degrees. Jason assumes she is from the same background.   Jason and Michelle meet at a club and they talk about their jobs, their college and grad school years, and their plans for the future. They seem to have a lot in common. They go to dinner at an expensive restaurant the next week.   As they are talking the subject of welfare comes up. Jason tears into people on welfare and people from poor backgrounds. Jason is having a good ole time and is laughing at his own jokes. He doesn’t seem to notice that Michelle isn’t laughing.   Jason takes Michelle to her home and expects to be invited in. Michelle thanks Jason for the evening and then tells him to never call her again. Jason demands an explanation. Michelle explains that her family was on welfare as she grew up and that she’s not ashamed of her background, and that she has many relatives still living under those conditions.   In this case Jason’s negative attitude hurt his chances to get to know a great woman.

          The Background of Extremely Attractive Women

               My point with the above example is that these women don’t come out of a vacuum.   These women typically don’t come out of families where everyone looks like a movie star. Many of these women come out of very down to earth families.   One observation I have made over the years is that many of the extremely attractive women we see walking down the street may be from dysfunctional backgrounds. This is especially the case if the woman has a high level of sexual charisma.   Let me clarify this before I go further. Up to this point I had labeled extremely attractive women into one large group.   The reality is that extremely attractive women are in three groups, which for simplicity I will label the Nice Girls, Masked Women, and Ms. Goodbars. The Nice Girl is the woman who may only be extremely attractive to a few men. Most men will find them physically unappealing. The Masked Woman is the woman who has a beautiful face and slamming body, but does not generate a lot of sexual chemistry. A man will generally go for the pretty face and nice body but if he gets into a relationship with a Masked Woman he may feel something is missing. Many women have soft exteriors and hard interiors. Many women are too defensive with men and as a result cannot turn them on.   The Masked Women are unable to access their inner feminine energy, which will make them more receptive to men in the right situations.

                 The Ms. Goodbars of the world are at least minimally in touch with their inner feminine and have a high level of sexual charisma.   These are the women who may not seem as physically attractive as some other women but there will be something about them that draws men to them.   If one were to think about it, the women who draw the most attention from men are not the ones who are the most physically attractive. These women may be a little overweight, or have a plain hairstyle, or an average face and yet men will find them irresistible.    Men will chase the Ms. Goodbars more than Masked Women.

                   I have observed that many of the Ms. Goodbars come from dysfunctional backgrounds. The Mr. Goodbar scenario I used in the earlier chapter can easily be applied to women. Many of these women come from single parent homes where a parent may have been alcoholic, or mentally ill.   Many have been the children of divorce. Many have had little if any contact with their fathers. Let’s look at that last one for a second. The importance of fathers being in the lives of the sons is widely recognized in the community. There is no argument there. What isn’t as widely recognized is the effect the absence of fathers has on girls. In an earlier chapter I wrote about people making their relationship choices based on their opposite sex parents. This can be good or bad depending on the parent. Little girls who grow up without their fathers will not have a basis for choosing a man. They didn’t have a model to go by. They will not know how to deal with men in certain situations. The women without fathers, as well as women who grow up with alcoholic or mentally ill parents, will have a tendency to have a more overtly sexual nature to them. These are the types of women who may wear sexually provocative clothing in inappropriate situations, or they may flirt more than the average woman. These women will definitely turn on men and will be pursued for gratification or even a long-term relationship. The men, however, need to keep in mind the types of issues the woman may bring to the table. One very significant issue many women are bringing to the table is the issue of sexual abuse.

                Many women from ALL backgrounds have been the victims of sexual abuse. This ranges from fondling to incest.   Either their fathers or older relatives have sexually abused many women as young girls.   I have even heard of cases of adult incest.   These women have gone through some stuff. Many women are either in therapy or need to be in therapy.   There is so much I could say about sexual abuse but the scope of this book limits such a discussion. The matter needs to be explored in more than a few paragraphs and or even a chapter. The bottom line is that many women need to be healed of issues stemming from factors such as sexual abuse.

             Click here to purchase Sexual Chemistry on Amazon Kindle.

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Starting From Zero Excerpt

For The Ladies: Turning on a Man﻿

Extremely Attractive Women

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For The Ladies: Turning on a Man