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2015 Big Rom Blog of the Year: Stand With Me

12/27/2015

0 Comments

 
This blog was first published on April 5, 2015.  The response was overwhelming.  It was a call for change.  I want to thank everyone who supported me in 2015.   Let's rise and transform together in 2016.

*********************
            For the most part my blogs are directed at a broad audience.   I have readers from all over the world.  They are men and women, all races and nationalities.   So I write in very broad terms when I discuss relationship issues.   This particular blog will be different in that it is directed at Black men.   It is nothing against any other gender, race, or nationality.  I need to speak on something that is particular to Black men.  

            My last blog, was entitled “Do Right Men Win in the End.”   It spoke to a particular class of Nice Guys who are just really good individuals.   Men who may not have movie star looks or six figure incomes.   Men who are not into playing games in order to get into relationships.   My contention was that these men win in the end in that they end up with positive relationships.   The blog was shared on social media by some faithful readers.   The response was very positive. Even the criticism was very constructive and gave me some things to consider.   Many Black men saw themselves in the blog and contacted me privately to share their viewpoints and most importantly their stories.

            I have heard you.  

            I understand your pain.   In the media we always see images of Black men either behaving badly and in other demeaning ways.   The only real exception are shows dealing with sports.   Even on the internet a video of a Black man acting stupid is likely to go viral and get thousands of likes and comments.  Yet stories of private schools sending 100% of their Black boys to college barely register on the radar.  How often do we see that?   We always see stories or status updates where women, our beautiful sistas, are constantly saying “Black men ain’t shit” or “Where are the good Black men?”   Those are some of the nicer comments.   Many Black men have said, “I’m right here and I’m doing something with my life.”   Many Black men, many Do Right Black Men, are walking through life feeling invisible.   So why are they feeling invisible?   Let's get raw as to the reasons why.

            Many of these brothas aren’t looking like Idris Elba or Boris Kudjoe or whoever the flavor of the day is.   These brothas are not pushing late model luxury cars with six figure salaries.   In the Black community the pretty boys and money men are the alpha males.  It has nothing to do with character, integrity or responsibility.   That’s why a man who has 34 children by several woman can get a reality show on a network owned by a Black woman.   A man who was irresponsible can be economically empowered and a Do Right Man who believes in marriage before having children can’t get a fucking “Attaboy!”   Worse that brotha may be called corny or lame for not having any children.

            That whole being corny or lame is something else Do Right Men have to deal with.   I knew a man who was educated, a professional, tall, muscular, and handsome.   He was an overall good person.  Yet his wife separated from him because she considered him “corny and lame.”   I guess the gold tooth married man she fell in love with who cursed her out regularly was “cool.”   Many Black men feel they have to have tattoos and a thug persona in order to attract Black women.   Even though I have gone on record to say that Black women don’t all chase thugs it happens enough for the average man on the street to draw this conclusion.   The bottom line is that the Do Right Man is not feeling the love.   That’s where Brazil comes in.

            There’s been a big deal made about Black men who travel to places like Brazil and the Dominican Republic on sex vacations.   Something that is not being said is all the men going to these places are not always dealing with sex workers.   There are many Black men who marry women from these other countries.    Even though many American Black women may not see it this way the women in Brazil are still Black and quite frankly many practice cultural and spiritual traditions that go back to the African continent.   I’ve talked with several men who have traveled to Brazil and the like.   They are not going for sex.   Let me say that again.  These Black men are not traveling to Brazil for sex.   They are traveling for validation.   They are traveling to be acknowledged.   They are traveling so that for at least a few days they are not invisible.   Just like women need attention so do men.   I’ve known men regardless of race who may frequent particular restaurants because they know the waitresses will at least smile and be nice to them.   Many men suffer depression because women don’t see them.

            There’s many things I could say.   Thing is there are numerous blogs, websites, and social media pages that talk about these issues and more.   Other than a few paragraphs in the context of this blog I really don’t care to add to the complaints.   As a result of my life experience I see things from a different perspective.   In my life on the surface I’m quite sure I seemed like the classic Do Right Man but I really wasn’t.   No I didn’t have tattoos and I didn’t look like the popular image of a player.   Indeed many women I dated said I had that “Clark Kent” thing going on as I used to wear big glasses.   Behind closed doors I was tapping that ass.    Many of the woman I dealt with had boyfriends.   A couple were separated from their husbands.   I was the villain in some stories.   That’s why I roll my eyes when women complain about cheating.   Women are way better at it.  Ask me how I know.

            The thing is if I see a problem I do something about it.   There’s a problem in Black male/ female relationships.   Every few years a major television network will do a special on the problems.   It’s become a multi-million dollar industry.   It will probably grow into a billion dollar industry.   The “experts” are not going to solve anything even if they have legitimate answers.   There’s too much money to be made.   For example there are many Black male relationship commentators who make their money telling Black women what they want to hear.   These men aren’t going to jeopardize their book deals and TV shows to be honest with Black women.   Indeed the industry is about telling people what they want to hear.   If there’s going to be a change it needs to come from the grassroots.   This is where the Do Right Men come in.

            Anyone who has followed my blog for a long time know that I study the social dynamics of different subcultures.   The problem in Black male/female relationships is really a problem with the subcultural matrix.   Black America as a whole exists as a subculture within the larger White American mainstream culture.   There are many dynamics that occur in Black relationships that do not exist in the mainstream culture.   A great example of this is that a Black person’s skin complexion and grade of hair affects their placement within the sexual hierarchy.   I talk a lot about men in the Mr. Goodbar category.   Most Black Mr. Goodbars are lighter in skin complexion with a grade of hair which suggests a mixed ancestry.   Colorism and hair politics play a role in Black relationships.    There are other examples as well.  The bottom line is that it all comes down to culture.   To me the obvious thing to do is to fix the culture, particularly the relationship culture.

            In mainstream relationships in general and in the Black community in particular women place men into two categories for dating and relationships, Select and Non-Select.   I’ve said this several times in my blogs.   In a nutshell the Select men get the panties and the Non-Select don’t.   The Do Right Men spend most of their time in the Non-Select category unless they build their finances and move into the Select.    The Do Right Men however are close to that borderline between Select and Non-Select.   They tend to get attention as women get older and get tired of being dogged by Select men.   Women get tired of dealing with mostly irresponsible pretty boys who have no intentions of committing.   Many women just use pretty boys for sex anyway.   Women then move on to the Money Men.  Women find out the hard way that Money Men are very hard on women.   A Pretty Boy may deal with a plain looking woman who is slightly overweight, especially if he needs a place to stay and she is extremely receptive.  The Money Man, however, only wants to deal with a Black Barbie.  Most Black women, indeed most women period, don’t look like Barbie.   Most Black women will not be able to be in a committed relationship with a Select Brotha.   Yet many want a committed relationship.   Do Right Men all of sudden start looking real good.  

            The first thing the Do Right Men have to realize is that the whole select/non-select thing is fluid.   A woman’s select group at 20 will change by the time she is 30 and change even more by the time she is 40.   Many men who are non-select at 20 start looking real good at forty.   If one thinks about it most male sex symbols in the entertainment industry are in their forties, fifties and even sixties.    Women tend to become unattractive as they age while men become more attractive.  So the first thing is that men have to have the mindset that no matter where they are currently at, the odds are ever in their favor to improve their station.   

            So knowing that things will get better the Do Right Men have to accept that they have the power.   A foundation of my books and blogs is that women choose the men.   That doesn’t mean men have to accept the choice.   A woman choosing a man doesn’t mean he has to choose her back.   He has the power.   Black women use many shaming tactics to get men to accept them regardless of physical appearance, prior children, and emotional baggage.   Whatever.   Stand your ground Do Right Men.   If a woman has to use a shaming tactic to get you to like her she ain’t worth shit.   A woman who is about something doesn’t have to shame men into wanting her.   A man will want her, weight issues and kids.   The women with the shaming tactics, let them burn.  

            The Do Right Man is the key to this whole system.   For a very long time I thought Mr. Goodbar was the key to changing this culture but experience and insight has caused me to change that viewpoint.   Mr. Goodbar is getting too much easy pussy to change anything.    That’s like asking a Lion to ignore a herd of antelopes.   The Do Right Man is the key because he’s the one who maintains some type of order.   A pretty boy may physically satisfy a woman for 20 minutes.   The Money Man may be able to take the woman on weekend getaway.   When it gets down the business of life and long term quality of living, that’s the Do Right Man’s domain.   The Do Right Man has to understand that he is the fallback and reject that position.    Women want to have their fun and then get a Do Right Man.   Screw that.  Don’t accept being the clean-up man.

            One thing many Do Right Men can do is start validating the Do Right Women.   In the Black community for all the talk of Black women being overweight and baby mamas, there are many women who go against these stereotypes.   There many single Black women who are at least decent looking, in good shape and don’t have children.  Some might have children and still have a lot going on.  All women don’t have children with trifling men.   Couples break up, that’s life.   Many Black women don’t want a pretty boy and are not impressed by a man’s money.   I’ve met many single sistas who want to build with a positive Black man.   Start validating the positive sisters and stop paying so much attention to the thots and ratchets.   So many Black men have blogs, websites, and social media pages where thots and ratchets are put on blast.  Too much time is given to women who quite frankly like the attention.    There are many women out there who are attractive and positive.  I know because that’s what I focus on.   I could probably get at least 100 such women in a room with little effort.   The Do Right Man has to focus on these women.

            It’s time for a change.   It’s time for the Do Right Men to come together to change this relationship culture.   To the Do Right Man reading these words.  Stand with me.   Let’s change this thing.   I want a world where my sons can be free to be their authentic selves without having to conform to a woman’s twisted version of masculinity.   I can’t do it by myself.   Stand with me.   I know the way.   Hit me up here and let’s rise and transform together.


0 Comments

Stand With Me

4/5/2015

5 Comments

 
            For the most part my blogs are directed at a broad audience.   I have readers from all over the world.  They are men and women, all races and nationalities.   So I write in very broad terms when I discuss relationship issues.   This particular blog will be different in that it is directed at Black men.   It is nothing against any other gender, race, or nationality.  I need to speak on something that is particular to Black men.  

            My last blog, was entitled “Do Right Men Win in the End.”   It spoke to a particular class of Nice Guys who are just really good individuals.   Men who may not have movie star looks or six figure incomes.   Men who are not into playing games in order to get into relationships.   My contention was that these men win in the end in that they end up with positive relationships.   The blog was shared on social media by some faithful readers.   The response was very positive. Even the criticism was very constructive and gave me some things to consider.   Many Black men saw themselves in the blog and contacted me privately to share their viewpoints and most importantly their stories.

            I have heard you.  

            I understand your pain.   In the media we always see images of Black men either behaving badly and in other demeaning ways.   The only real exception are shows dealing with sports.   Even on the internet a video of a Black man acting stupid is likely to go viral and get thousands of likes and comments.  Yet stories of private schools sending 100% of their Black boys to college barely register on the radar.  How often do we see that?   We always see stories or status updates where women, our beautiful sistas, are constantly saying “Black men ain’t shit” or “Where are the good Black men?”   Those are some of the nicer comments.   Many Black men have said, “I’m right here and I’m doing something with my life.”   Many Black men, many Do Right Black Men, are walking through life feeling invisible.   So why are they feeling invisible?   Let's get raw as to the reasons why.

            Many of these brothas aren’t looking like Idris Elba or Boris Kudjoe or whoever the flavor of the day is.   These brothas are not pushing late model luxury cars with six figure salaries.   In the Black community the pretty boys and money men are the alpha males.  It has nothing to do with character, integrity or responsibility.   That’s why a man who has 34 children by several woman can get a reality show on a network owned by a Black woman.   A man who was irresponsible can be economically empowered and a Do Right Man who believes in marriage before having children can’t get a fucking “Attaboy!”   Worse that brotha may be called corny or lame for not having any children.

            That whole being corny or lame is something else Do Right Men have to deal with.   I knew a man who was educated, a professional, tall, muscular, and handsome.   He was an overall good person.  Yet his wife separated from him because she considered him “corny and lame.”   I guess the gold tooth married man she fell in love with who cursed her out regularly was “cool.”   Many Black men feel they have to have tattoos and a thug persona in order to attract Black women.   Even though I have gone on record to say that Black women don’t all chase thugs it happens enough for the average man on the street to draw this conclusion.   The bottom line is that the Do Right Man is not feeling the love.   That’s where Brazil comes in.

            There’s been a big deal made about Black men who travel to places like Brazil and the Dominican Republic on sex vacations.   Something that is not being said is all the men going to these places are not always dealing with sex workers.   There are many Black men who marry women from these other countries.    Even though many American Black women may not see it this way the women in Brazil are still Black and quite frankly many practice cultural and spiritual traditions that go back to the African continent.   I’ve talked with several men who have traveled to Brazil and the like.   They are not going for sex.   Let me say that again.  These Black men are not traveling to Brazil for sex.   They are traveling for validation.   They are traveling to be acknowledged.   They are traveling so that for at least a few days they are not invisible.   Just like women need attention so do men.   I’ve known men regardless of race who may frequent particular restaurants because they know the waitresses will at least smile and be nice to them.   Many men suffer depression because women don’t see them.

            There’s many things I could say.   Thing is there are numerous blogs, websites, and social media pages that talk about these issues and more.   Other than a few paragraphs in the context of this blog I really don’t care to add to the complaints.   As a result of my life experience I see things from a different perspective.   In my life on the surface I’m quite sure I seemed like the classic Do Right Man but I really wasn’t.   No I didn’t have tattoos and I didn’t look like the popular image of a player.   Indeed many women I dated said I had that “Clark Kent” thing going on as I used to wear big glasses.   Behind closed doors I was tapping that ass.    Many of the woman I dealt with had boyfriends.   A couple were separated from their husbands.   I was the villain in some stories.   That’s why I roll my eyes when women complain about cheating.   Women are way better at it.  Ask me how I know.

            The thing is if I see a problem I do something about it.   There’s a problem in Black male/ female relationships.   Every few years a major television network will do a special on the problems.   It’s become a multi-million dollar industry.   It will probably grow into a billion dollar industry.   The “experts” are not going to solve anything even if they have legitimate answers.   There’s too much money to be made.   For example there are many Black male relationship commentators who make their money telling Black women what they want to hear.   These men aren’t going to jeopardize their book deals and TV shows to be honest with Black women.   Indeed the industry is about telling people what they want to hear.   If there’s going to be a change it needs to come from the grassroots.   This is where the Do Right Men come in.

            Anyone who has followed my blog for a long time know that I study the social dynamics of different subcultures.   The problem in Black male/female relationships is really a problem with the subcultural matrix.   Black America as a whole exists as a subculture within the larger White American mainstream culture.   There are many dynamics that occur in Black relationships that do not exist in the mainstream culture.   A great example of this is that a Black person’s skin complexion and grade of hair affects their placement within the sexual hierarchy.   I talk a lot about men in the Mr. Goodbar category.   Most Black Mr. Goodbars are lighter in skin complexion with a grade of hair which suggests a mixed ancestry.   Colorism and hair politics play a role in Black relationships.    There are other examples as well.  The bottom line is that it all comes down to culture.   To me the obvious thing to do is to fix the culture, particularly the relationship culture.

            In mainstream relationships in general and in the Black community in particular women place men into two categories for dating and relationships, Select and Non-Select.   I’ve said this several times in my blogs.   In a nutshell the Select men get the panties and the Non-Select don’t.   The Do Right Men spend most of their time in the Non-Select category unless they build their finances and move into the Select.    The Do Right Men however are close to that borderline between Select and Non-Select.   They tend to get attention as women get older and get tired of being dogged by Select men.   Women get tired of dealing with mostly irresponsible pretty boys who have no intentions of committing.   Many women just use pretty boys for sex anyway.   Women then move on to the Money Men.  Women find out the hard way that Money Men are very hard on women.   A Pretty Boy may deal with a plain looking woman who is slightly overweight, especially if he needs a place to stay and she is extremely receptive.  The Money Man, however, only wants to deal with a Black Barbie.  Most Black women, indeed most women period, don’t look like Barbie.   Most Black women will not be able to be in a committed relationship with a Select Brotha.   Yet many want a committed relationship.   Do Right Men all of sudden start looking real good.  

            The first thing the Do Right Men have to realize is that the whole select/non-select thing is fluid.   A woman’s select group at 20 will change by the time she is 30 and change even more by the time she is 40.   Many men who are non-select at 20 start looking real good at forty.   If one thinks about it most male sex symbols in the entertainment industry are in their forties, fifties and even sixties.    Women tend to become unattractive as they age while men become more attractive.  So the first thing is that men have to have the mindset that no matter where they are currently at, the odds are ever in their favor to improve their station.   

            So knowing that things will get better the Do Right Men have to accept that they have the power.   A foundation of my books and blogs is that women choose the men.   That doesn’t mean men have to accept the choice.   A woman choosing a man doesn’t mean he has to choose her back.   He has the power.   Black women use many shaming tactics to get men to accept them regardless of physical appearance, prior children, and emotional baggage.   Whatever.   Stand your ground Do Right Men.   If a woman has to use a shaming tactic to get you to like her she ain’t worth shit.   A woman who is about something doesn’t have to shame men into wanting her.   A man will want her, weight issues and kids.   The women with the shaming tactics, let them burn.  

            The Do Right Man is the key to this whole system.   For a very long time I thought Mr. Goodbar was the key to changing this culture but experience and insight has caused me to change that viewpoint.   Mr. Goodbar is getting too much easy pussy to change anything.    That’s like asking a Lion to ignore a herd of antelopes.   The Do Right Man is the key because he’s the one who maintains some type of order.   A pretty boy may physically satisfy a woman for 20 minutes.   The Money Man may be able to take the woman on weekend getaway.   When it gets down the business of life and long term quality of living, that’s the Do Right Man’s domain.   The Do Right Man has to understand that he is the fallback and reject that position.    Women want to have their fun and then get a Do Right Man.   Screw that.  Don’t accept being the clean-up man.

            One thing many Do Right Men can do is start validating the Do Right Women.   In the Black community for all the talk of Black women being overweight and baby mamas, there are many women who go against these stereotypes.   There many single Black women who are at least decent looking, in good shape and don’t have children.  Some might have children and still have a lot going on.  All women don’t have children with trifling men.   Couples break up, that’s life.   Many Black women don’t want a pretty boy and are not impressed by a man’s money.   I’ve met many single sistas who want to build with a positive Black man.   Start validating the positive sisters and stop paying so much attention to the thots and ratchets.   So many Black men have blogs, websites, and social media pages where thots and ratchets are put on blast.  Too much time is given to women who quite frankly like the attention.    There are many women out there who are attractive and positive.  I know because that’s what I focus on.   I could probably get at least 100 such women in a room with little effort.   The Do Right Man has to focus on these women.

            It’s time for a change.   It’s time for the Do Right Men to come together to change this relationship culture.   To the Do Right Man reading these words.  Stand with me.   Let’s change this thing.   I want a world where my sons can be free to be their authentic selves without having to conform to a woman’s twisted version of masculinity.   I can’t do it by myself.   Stand with me.   I know the way.   Hit me up here and let’s rise and transform together.

5 Comments

My Problem with the Woman Want Thugs Theme

6/29/2014

0 Comments

 
            I see things different from most people.   My life experience has given me a different perspective on a great many things.   Something that has happened to me since I was little is that I will make an observation about a person or situation and people would think that I was out of my mind.    Every single time though somebody would come back to me and say, “Rom you were right about that person,” or “that thing played out the way you said it would.”   Now I’ve been wrong about some things but I considered those to be learning experiences.   So how did I get this wisdom?   I’ve had a unique life path.

            I’ve talked about in the Why I Don’t Teach Game blog series that I spent my early childhood in a dysfunctional environment.   That’s only part of the story.   When I was placed in my Grandmother’s custody as a ten year old, we moved into new house in more middle class neighborhood.   Instead of being around mental patients, low level criminals, and sociopathic 8 year-olds, I was now around young professional families with well-behaved children.   Took me awhile to adjust but it gave me a different perspective on life.   Eventually I would attend a prominent all-boys Catholic school where most of my peers came from middle to upper middle class backgrounds.   It further enhanced my perspective on life especially with relationships.

            Going to an all-boy school was good for me in two ways as far as my future relationship life.  First being at an all-boy school meant I could focus on school work without being distracted by the presence of a female.   Many teenage boys don’t do well in school because they are more interested in impressing girls than focusing on their studies.   I learned how to take care of business and not be pressed about girls.   Second, I learned how to be aggressive with girls outside of the school.   If there was a party I was either there or knew about it.   If I met a girl at a party or on the street I had to get her phone number right there on the spot.  I couldn’t watch her for weeks from the back of the classroom.  I didn’t get to watch her in the school cafeteria.   No girls in the school meant I couldn’t hesitate when I met them outside of the school.   My experience at the all-boys school taught me not so much how to overcome fear but how not to have it to begin with.

            So by the time I reached college I had experienced the dysfunctional underclass and the striving for excellence middle class.   After my college and post graduate studies I moved in a world of upper middle class mores and attitudes.   Particularly relevant were the attitudes towards dating and relationships I observed with the many women I encountered both romantically and platonically.   See there is the belief that women want bad boys, thugs, and lowlifes.  When men in particular make these statements they are only going on what they see.  They see women with lowlifes.  They see women with men with bad dispositions and multiple tattoos.   So when someone like me comes by and says the whole “women wanting thugs” thing is blown out of proportion I’m looked at like I’m crazy.   Not crazy though just stating what I have seen.  And I’ve seen some things that would turn the average man’s stomach.

            The main problem with the “women wanting thugs” viewpoint is that some men and surprisingly many women are seeing things from a limited perspective.   Let me use an example from the animal kingdom; ants and a hawk.   Imagine the world of an ant.  His world is in someone’s backyard not extending too far from the ant hill.  The reality of the ant is whatever is in that backyard.   The hawk’s world however extends for several miles.   He not only sees the ant hill in the backyard but the ant hills in several backyards plus other animals including humans and their houses.   The hawk has a better perspective of the world around him.   In human terms many people are ants and a few people are hawks.  I say without conceit that I’m a hawk.  

            Applying it to this notion that women want thugs I know it’s overstated because I have seen and more importantly experienced the big picture.   One of things that is not talked about in a straight –forward manner is class influenced behavior and its effect on male-female relationships.   I mean we’ll call men thugs and women ratchets but I don’t think people think about the overall implications of these terms.   Without turning this blog into a major dissertation I will state that “women wanting thugs” is a primarily underclass mating practice.   I roll my eyes when I see professional men especially complain about women wanting thugs.   The reason I roll my eyes because I question why a gainfully employed professional man would want the type of woman that would find a thug attractive.   So many men are complaining about women wanting thugs that I don’t think they are paying close attention to the actual women.

            The women who tend to find the thugs attractive are usually women from similar underclass backgrounds.   This is even the case when the woman is a college educated professional.   I’ve met plenty of degreed women who were physically beautiful and spoke like they grew up in a privileged environment.   I get them nice and comfortable and their whole demeanor changes.   Their body language and even their speech intonation changes and I find out they came from the underclass and worked their way out.   A lot of women are like that.  Women in general tend to be attracted to the types of men they grew up around.  If they grew up around thugs they will tend to always be attracted to that energy.   Indeed many women from the underclass look for that thug energy in a suit and tie professional.  

            Here’s the thing now.  Most women did not grow up in an underclass environment.   A majority of the women in this culture grew up in a middle class, church going environment.   I emphasize the word “church.”   Other than class affecting relationships, a person’s religious upbringing will influence their mating choices.  That’s a future blog.   My point is that because of her background a woman may not find a thug anything other than physically attractive.   Now I know I talk about the importance of physical attraction but physical attraction is balanced out by social attraction.   Let me explain what I mean by social attraction by using an example.

            A woman named Abby meets a man named Abdul.   Abby is very attracted physically to Abdul and the attraction is mutual.   Abby wants to do nasty things to Abdul’s muscular body.   They talk a few times and Abby decides to move on.  She was turned on by Abdul physically but socially she is turned off to the point that her vagina stops tingling.   See Abby is a socially conservative Christian girl from a solid middle class background who is in law school.  She is a fifth generation college graduate and moves in a world of affluence.   Abdul is from a dysfunctional family that experienced several generations of poverty and he has done prison time.  In jail he converted to Islam and despite that he still has many street mannerisms.   Abby was taught to mate from the neck up while Abdul let’s his dick make relationships decisions.  Physically Abdul and Abby may have been compatible but socially they were very incompatible. 

             By the way though I've stated that I won't teach game I just gave away a major principle that a man can use to get sex from a women.   Hit up my contact form if you can figure out what it is.

            Women in general tend to mate within their social class or higher.  The practice of women mating with a man in a higher social class is called hypergamy.   The average woman is always looking to trade up.   The women who get with thugs, if you really look at them, don’t have the ability to do better.  Even if they are otherwise physically attractive a conversation with them will reveal why a professional man would not want to get with them.   Quiet as it is kept upper middle class successful men are very picky.   Some Joe Schmoe on the street may have sex with whatever woman makes herself available but a successful man making six figures, with a big house, luxury car, and stock portfolio has too much to lose to be indiscriminate with where he sticks his dick.  

            Now one argument that men who complain about women wanting thugs may have is that despite what I just wrote the thugs are not so much getting women but they are getting the most physically attractive women.   Actually they are not.   I say this from personal experience.   As I said I used to move in more affluent circles and still have some connections to those worlds if I need something.   Why I don’t move in those circles anymore have to do with my present philosophical beliefs.  But I digress.  

            When I was younger and going to parties I observed two things: the social class of the party goers and the level of attractiveness.   In the late eighties I used to go to some hotel parties given by some affluent men.   They would give four parties during the year at different luxury hotels.  They never put flyers or any other advertisements and yet their parties were always packed.   You had to know somebody to find out the party locations.   The women at the parties were typically upper middle class professionals who rated as nines and tens.   One party I brought a couple a female friends who were more average in appearance.  My friends didn’t like the party because there were so many “Black Barbie Dolls.”   The women at these parties were drop dead gorgeous with fit bodies and classy attitudes.   These women wouldn’t give a thug the time of day unless he was extremely attractive.  Even then the thug wouldn’t get any further if he opened his mouth and start spouting some ghetto nonsense.  

            My point is that too many men are worried about the actions of women who are not even the top of line.   The women on these social networks with the big juicy booties and multiple tattoos are not top of the line.  Yeah they get a man’s dick hard but trust me most of them will not age well.   Women who deal with too many low-level men never age well and their looks will fade.   On the other hand upper class women tend to maintain their beauty well into 60’s and 70’s, even beyond.  

            Let’s forget about the women for a second.  Too many men use the “women want thugs” thing as an excuse not to improve themselves.   It’s too easy to find a website or social network page where men are complaining about the thugs.   It’s easy to complain.   Thing is the women who go for thugs are going to go for them anyway.   More power to them.   My message to men is to leave them alone.   A man should focus his energy on improving himself, and finding social circles containing beautiful classy women.   I know those booty models are sexy.   I’ve met some middle class women with bodies that will blow away the booty models.   Many of those women are saving their sexy bodies for genuinely good men.   I’ve even known some that prefer so-called corny men.   Stop hating on the thug for getting a ratchet woman.   Build yourself and look for classy women.

           

           

           



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