The following blog was originally published on October 26, 2014.
I write a lot of things regarding male/female relationships that either doesn’t make sense to people or seems like I don’t know what I’m talking about. There’s a reason for that. The reason is one of perspective. Most people can only relate to things that match their own worldview. Indeed most people will only seek out information that validates their perspectives. If something doesn’t validate their perspective they tend to reject the information. That’s the reason why despite all of the books, seminars, coaches, and bloggers out there it seems like relationships are getting worse and not better. Most commentators, including professionals, have only seen a part of the picture and not the whole thing. There were some incidents many years ago that illustrate my point.
When I first published my books I did a lot of seminars. I remember two in particular that stand out because of the contrasts between the participants. The first seminar was with a group of Black professionals. The organizers of the seminar had read my book, Nice Guys and Players, and had pulled my character types out for role play among the participants. They were scary spot on acting out the characters of the Nice Guy, Gamesman, and Masked Man. When they got to Mr. Goodbar the characterization was off. By miles. An interesting thing happened. When the discussion was focused on the first three types the conversation was lively even heated. When I talked about Mr. Goodbar the place was quiet. You could literally hear a pin drop. The concept of a man who had women walk up and drop their panties was alien to most of the people in the room. Well, except for the Goodbar in the corner working his magic on a Buppie with the phat ass booty. He looked at me, gave me a head nod, and went back to work. Like most things I’ve encountered in life I placed the moment in a mental file cabinet to pull out and think about later.
The second incident came a few years later. I was doing a seminar with some true to the game thugs. These were men convicted of minor crimes and were only sitting down with me because a Judge didn’t leave them any choice in the matter. An interesting thing happened. Usually when I discussed my books and ideas with groups the information would be received with disbelief and at times ridiculed because it went against the belief systems of seminar participants. At times I thought maybe I was the one who was off. Then I come across a group of real thugs. An interesting thing happened. After a little bit of an introduction to my books these men opened up about their experiences and told me the contents of my books. Not only did they know about Mr. Goodbar they were Mr. Goodbar. These men were telling me some things that quite frankly a person would be hard-pressed to find a mention of in any form of media.
See here’s the thing. In a previous blog I talked about men and women having two faces, a social face and a sexual face. The social face is the one everyone sees. That’s the face with the business suit, going to the kids’ soccer games, and being good neighbor by keeping the grass cut. Most relationship advice, most discussions about Alpha and Beta Males, most conversations about what women want focus on the social faces. The sexual faces are something completely different. Socially, a person has a professional job, is a good parent, and neighbor. They even go to church regularly. Sexually that person is a swinger who routinely has sex with strangers. The sexual face is how a person behaves in sexual manner. A major problem in relationship discussions is that the focus is on social faces. The whole Alpha Male thing for example is based on a social face. The Alpha Male is supposedly the take charge, center of attention man who gets all the hot women. This of course is based on the assessment of what such a man is doing socially. The man holding court in a bar is only dominating socially. There may be a few women feeling his vibe but trust me they may never go home with him. Many socially dominant men are weak behind closed doors. So why do I say this?
I’m one of those people who has encountered a WHOLE lot of people in life. I personally have been acquainted with many alternative sex workers. We’re talking about Dominatrixes and Tantric Massage workers. I’ve also known phone sex workers, sugar babies, true gold diggers, escorts, and strippers. These women have told me a lot about their clients. We’re not talking losers living in their mom’s basements playing video games all day. The women I talked to told me about encounters with men who were SOCIALLY Alpha Males. Straight up, a dude living in his mom’s basement couldn’t afford most of these women. It’s funny as hell to me that a whole subculture of men focuses on being the Alpha Males they see socially without knowing anything about the sexual faces of these men. Let me share some things about myself to give the reader an idea about why I say the things I say.
In my early twenties I was where many men pay thousands of dollars to get. This was back in the late eighties and early nineties. I was at the top of that thing called game. I had zero anxiety approaching women. To use the street language of the time, I had a “smooth rap.” On top of that my fashion and grooming game was A-1. I also had the status of being of Black man with a degree who was pursuing a post graduate degree. The only real weakness in my game was my weight. Though I’m a natural mesomorph, if I don’t work out consistently I would gain weight. The good thing about me gaining weight is that my body tends to gain evenly and not just in one area such as my stomach. Even though I had extra weight on I carried it very well. At most my weight gave me an average physical appearance which I was able to compensate for by having a smooth rap and wicked fashion game, especially with my shoes.
With my game at the time I was able to date and have sex with some very attractive and shapely women. Now I had still had to put in some work to woo the women. Nobody was sleeping with me on the first date, maybe fourth or fifth date. Of course there were some rejections. Also I did hear the words, “Let’s just be friends.” There were plenty of women in what I call the “Not Sure Zone.” Women in that zone will have a little sexual attraction for a man but not enough to simply drop her panties. A man has to work for a woman in that zone. Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he don’t. Where I was at the time I thought I was at the top of the game. I was getting a LOT of play from attractive women primarily in the six to eight range. Even a few Nines and Tens showed some interest. Then around 1991 I entered the Sexual Shadow World and had my mind blown.
I had started running in the spring of 1990 because a Nine didn’t want to have sex with me because of my weight. I was weighing about 230 and quite frankly getting a little sloppy. During that summer my weight came down to about 215 and to be honest I didn’t think anything of it. I was getting pretty much the same play I was getting before from women in the six to eight range. Then some interesting things happened to take everything to a different level.
The first was that I was in the application process for a certain prominent federal law enforcement agency. I had passed the panel interviews and now had to prepare to pass a physical fitness test. I was required to do a certain number of pushups, sit-ups, and to be able to run 2 miles under 16 minutes. So instead of jogging I had to start running. I had to train more intensely. So starting in the winter of 1990 until the summer of 1991 I dropped even more weight. I went down to 190 pounds of lean muscle mass. I passed the test with flying colors. I was walking around at my optimal physique as the sit-ups had developed my abs and the pushups had developed my arms and chest. Women started going crazy over my body to the point where I would ROUTINELY get approached on the street. Even had some young girls yell out their car windows while I was walking on the street. So I had a body that was attracting women to me. That was one part of the equation. The second part came from some unique individuals.
In the summer of 1991 I encountered some sex workers. For legal reasons I can’t get into the particulars but during that summer I learned a lot about the inner sexual nature of women. It was some things not discussed in public and still isn’t. On the internet now there are some men who called themselves “Red Pill” because they think they know the sexual nature of women. They don’t and they’re deluded. They’ve barely scratched the surface. They don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World. Even some men who get a lot of sex don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World. But I digress.
These sex workers gave me a real education. I already knew a lot from women I had been around as a child but these women took me to a new level. There were also one older man who gave me some insight. One of the reasons I don’t hold what is taught as game on the internet in high regard is because of that man. I’ll call the man James. James was an older Jamaican who had a scary insight into how people behaved psychologically. He could look at someone and tell you what’s going on with them. He would mess with people’s heads just to pass the time. He was especially adept at fucking or as he said “getting some punanny.” He was talking about setting up a 900 line which was popular back then to tell men how to bring a woman to orgasm. He was actually the first man I had met who was talking about satisfying women sexually. Most men fail because they don’t look like they can or even care about getting a woman to orgasm.
The combination of the sex workers and James took me into the Sexual Shadow World. In that world Mr. Goodbar is the Alpha Male. Yet in the social world the same man may be a minimum wage worker or shy in a crowd. In the Sexual Shadow World the men at the top of the pyramid are not the tall good looking men with status or game. Physical appearance is important, indeed of supreme importance but not in the classic way that is important in the social world. First of all a man’s face doesn’t matter as much. In the Sexual Shadow World a good looking face is a bonus but not a necessity. If one takes an honest look at the SEXUALLY attractive people they are rarely very physically attractive in the face. There are exceptions but in general SEXUALLY attractive people have average faces. Don’t believe me? Take a real good look at the men and women who turn on people sexually. All they have in common are great bodies. Many are buttafaces. A good looking face is more important for in the social world. When it comes down to sex, a man just needs a hot body, a decent size dick, and some fair sexual skills.
In this case physical appearance is more about the body, the print, and how the man moves which gives the woman a clue about how he would be in bed. See most of what’s in the media is focused on what women want socially. The key to a woman is what type of man she lusts for. A woman may publically say she wants a man who’s tall, with a good looking face, with status and a decent body. Many women when presented with what they say they want may still reject the man. The reason is that they don’t lust the man. Indeed when many women say they love a man they are really saying they lust him. Socially a woman may want that classic good looking man who seems dominant. Sexually she wants that rough looking man with hard body and big dick who would pound her pussy like it stole something.
A key component to the Nice Guys and Players Philosophy is to be a man who can satisfy a woman’s social needs AND her sexual needs. Despite the talk about there being a shortage of men many women who are even reasonably attractive have two men in their lives. The first man is the socially acceptable boyfriend or husband. The first man takes her out, spends money on her, and provides emotional support. He is acceptable to her friends and family. In many cases he is considered an Alpha Male. The second man is one nobody knows about. His only purpose is to satisfy her lust. He might not be classically handsome, he may be broke, and truth be told not even have what is commonly considered game. He can fuck though. Well.
Now I’m not talking about theory here. During the period I lived in the Sexual Shadow World I would say the OVERWELMING majority of women I dealt with had boyfriends. As far as I know I didn’t mess with any women with husbands. I say as far as I know because women lie more than men. I did know some men who didn’t have a problem with fucking another man’s wife. I seriously consider women hypocrites when they talk about cheating men. When women are in lust they don’t give a fuck. A woman will fuck her best friend and sister’s husbands in a threesome if she lusts them. They will find a rationalization to satisfy their lust. It wasn’t certain trashy women either cheating either. It was something that crossed class lines and even subcultures. I’ve dealt with church girls, nerd girls, and princesses who cheated on their men. Those goody-goody girls can be the worse. The Sexual Shadow World is where that perfect Ten will do the freaky-freaky while tied up.
Here’s the thing. Many men reject what I tell them because it goes against CONVENTIONAL wisdom. There are men out there who think if they just get some plastic surgery all of a sudden they’ll get hot woman. There are men who think if they behave in a dominant manner the women will drop their panties. There are men learning game in their attempts to get hot women or any women. The only thing a man needs to do is develop himself to the point where a woman will LOOK at him and say to herself, “he can get it.” At the point the man needs to be present enough to pick up on her SEXUAL desire. He then needs to be smart enough not to say something stupid and give what one beautiful woman once said, “Instant dryness.”
The only game is lust. If a man wants more and better women he needs to develop his overall physical appearance so that it generates lust. The man also has KNOW that women want sex as much as men. Indeed the truth is the more sexually attractive a woman is the more they will choose a man based on pure lust.
I just gave y’all some raw game. I wonder who will pick up on it. Hit up me here.
One of the foundations of what I talk about in my books and blogs is how women categorize men into select and non-select categories. These categories are further broken down into four subcategories. For the most part it has helped many people and I will continue to use the categories in a general sense when discussing certain aspects of male/female relationships. That being said, I also believe in evolution. I’m a student as well as a teacher and I will continue learn and evolve until the day I transition. I’ve encountered a very significant issue with this classification system. I’ve known about it for years but until now haven’t figured out a way to correct the issue. The problem is that despite how descriptive I tend to be with the categories many men have a hard time figuring out where they are placed.
Most men think they are select. If I ask a man where he think he places many will say Mr. Goodbar. Some with a little bit of money will say Masked Man. Listening to these men talk and being in a position to watch women respond to them I realize that these men are non-select. At the same time I’ve had men who would definitely qualify as Mr. Goodbar identify themselves as Nice Guys because they didn’t feel like they had game. Understandable since Mr. Goodbar types tend to be lousy at doing any work to get a woman. Very few Goodbars have “game.” Almost no man identifies themselves as a Gamesmen even though conversations with them reveal that the only they get women is through deception. Thus the big problem. Though many men get the concepts in general they have still not been as helpful as they could be.
It’s the same thing for people who use the Alpha Male/Beta Male model. Many men are confused as to what is Alpha and what is Beta. This question will be asked and discussed on many message boards and blogs. Some men will think they are Alpha when they are not. Some men will think they are Beta when they are not. See the key to all this is not how men see themselves but rather how women see them.
See when women categorize men they don’t do so in hierarchal terms. They don’t go into a club and say, “Oh there’s the Alpha Male, let me try to get his attention.” They don’t really use the terms I use either which are really like general allegories. They don’t go into a club and say “Oh, there’s Mr. Goodbar, let me go jump on his dick because he’s taller and handsomer than the other men.” Men and women think differently. Men tend to be more direct and focused. Men are like Hawks. A Hawk will fly from point A to point B in the shortest time possible. Women are like Butterflies. A Butterfly will still go from Point A to Point B but they will stop every time they get a chance. They sure as hell won’t go in a straight line. They might fly close to point B at some point and then fly back to point A. Women are more circular in their thoughts and movements. Women don’t rate men according to hierarchy but rather according to whatever their needs are at that particular moment.
What follows are eight of the categories that women in general put men into. There are actually more depending on the woman. I won’t use allegorical names for this. These are everyday terms that any man can recognize. Also something to keep in mind is that all men can fall into every single category. A man who is seen as Husband material to one woman is seen as a Creep to another woman. A man who is seen as Dick to one woman is Invisible to still another woman. The thing to understand from these categories knowing that regardless of how a man see himself a woman will have a completely different viewpoint.
As the name suggests women see this man as good husband material. This doesn’t mean they see him as particularly handsome or sexy. It means they see him as someone they could build a life with. Usually it means someone that shares their value system and would be acceptable to family and social circle. For most women it means a responsible man who will handle his business. Women tend to take their time with this man. They will date this man for a while before sleeping with him because most women know that men will not want to marry a woman who has sex with them too soon. Women tend to get conservative when dealing with a Husband type. Women tend to choose Husbands for pragmatic reasons and not for romantic reasons.
The Boyfriend isn’t seen as a marriage prospect. Yes many women marry their boyfriends after a while but this is something different. The Boyfriend serves two primary purposes, entertainment and companionship. The Boyfriend is the steady guy to have fun with and provide regular sex. He isn’t necessarily Husband material. Many women know that beyond fun and games the man they’re dealing with is a loser. Some lie to themselves and try to see something that isn’t there but as I maintain, women are way more pragmatic than they are given credit for. Many women who deal with bad boys don’t plan to marry these men. That’s why a woman can be with a Boyfriend for years and still end up marrying another man.
When a woman sees a man as Dick, it literally means his value to her is his penis. Dick is not seen as Husband or Boyfriend material. This is regardless of what Dick has going for him socially. A significant number of women just want a hard penis up in them. Dick is whoever a woman considers sexy enough to jump his bones with as few complications as possible. Generally men in this category have solid body builds. Facially these men may not be the most handsome and they may not be that intelligent. It’s irrelevant as women just want their dicks. Many women with Husbands and Boyfriends will cheat with Dick. Dick’s calling card is great sex or at least the women will think so upon meeting them. Much of a woman’s arousal is based on her imagination but that’s is another blog.
A woman will have sex occasionally with Husbands, more with Boyfriends, and as much as possible with Dicks. When a woman sees a man as a Buddy he’s been put in the dreaded friend zone. A Buddy is the type of man a woman will be cool with. She will have conversations with him. She will joke around with him but she does not see him in a sexual manner. She might not even him as a friend. A Buddy is more somebody a woman happens to know. They probably have something in common like work or a social group. A woman is not going to share any deep secrets with a Buddy.
A woman seeing a man as a Brother is probably the worst part of the friend zone. That means the women sees ZERO sexual value in a particular man. Even a Buddy with some effort can move into the Husband or Boyfriend category. When a woman puts a man into the Brother category on some level she is saying, “I will never have sex with you.” What she will do is treat you like her brother or depending on the situation, her sister. A woman will tell a Brother, “I haven’t had sex with my Husband in a year but that’s okay. Dick has been giving me that good-good. He got a big one and knows how to use it.” A man knows he’s been seen as a woman’s Brother when she has no problem discussing intimate details of her sex life with him.
A woman sees a man as Thirsty when he just pesters the hell out of her and she has no interest in him. This is the guy who likes all of her pictures on social media or texts her all the time if he manages to get her number. Most women see men who catcall them on the street as Thirsty. Most women are turned off by Thirsty men. The reason why is because of how women think. Their reasoning is that if a man is getting regular sex he’s not going to be thirsty. Thus if a man is thirsty something must be wrong with him if he is not getting regular sex. A few women will keep a Thirsty man around for a spare Dick. Thirsty men are to women what fat ugly women are to men, easy. Every now and then a woman needs somebody who is going to come over and eat the pussy without any major problems. Many will string along a Thirsty man for this reason.
Thirsty men tend to be decent looking enough for some women to string along. Creeps are Thirsty men who are physically repulsive to women. They are unable to physically arouse women. Indeed their presence tends to evoke negative feelings in women. A man in the Dick category can say, “Good morning” to a woman and she will go weak in the knees. A Creep says the exact same thing he might get cursed out and have a video of him getting cursed out go viral on the internet. Women will get mad that a Creep even approaches them.
Women don’t even see these men. There could be a social event where are thirty men. Ten of the men are Invisible. Later when asked how many men were at the event most of the women in attendance will say, “About twenty.” Yeah it’s that deep. An Invisible can say, “Good morning” to a woman on the street and she won’t respond because she literally didn’t hear or see him. Many men don’t register on a woman’s radar. Women simply don’t see them. Even a Creep registers more than an Invisible.
As I said these are only eight of the categories. Every SINGLE woman has a way she rates men which will be influenced by factors such as race, religion, economic class, and even whether she is in hurry to get home to watch a TV show. The average woman sizes up a man according to her criteria in a few seconds. They are very good at this. Indeed I call bullshit on women who act surprised when a man they’re dealing with turns out to be a loser. Very few women are fooled that easily by a man. Women learn how to read men from the time they are babies. The problem is women like to play innocent victims and many simps and white knights want to believe them. I’m going to go in on this in another blog.
The takeaway is that a man must work hard to find out how women really see him. Don’t ask family members. If they love you they won’t be honest. Ask women you think will tell you the truth. A player once told me that it’s very important to cultivate female friends who will practice tough love with you. They will let a man know how other women see him. They will even suggest improvements. Once a man knows how women see him he can make real progress in getting the women he truly desires.
I had an interesting day yesterday. I was out and about doing what I do. I had several conversations with men about what men usually talk about if it is not sports, women. One young man was telling me how tired he was feeling because his girl wore him out the night before. He was also telling me how jealous she gets because other women check him out and that she always checks his phone. He also had a lot of insight into the true nature of women. Now this is a young Black male who society would label as a thug because of his braided hair and rough appearance. I had a conversation an hour or so later with a muscular white man who had a lot of insight into women. This dude was a self-described Poon Hound. Watching his head swivel every time a woman walked past us was entertaining. As he said, “I like women. All women.” This the type of cat who would fuck anything female that moves. He walk by an aquarium the fish would stop swimming. He walk outside the wind stops blowing. Outside these two, I got texts throughout the day from men who get more women than they know what to do with. It was a Goodbar type of day. It very refreshing.
As I’ve written several times I have talked with literally thousands of women. What I don’t say is that I’ve talked with literally thousands of men. Now when men get together the two main topics of conversation will be sports and women. Indeed a man can go anywhere on the planet and connect with locals talking about sports or women, especially women. I’m convinced a phat ass can bring world peace. Now most of the conversations are men complaining about their lack of success with women. I spend a significant amount of time listening to every negative thing possible being said about women. Even online the majority of men’s social media pages, blogs, videos, and websites are talking negative. This is the case even with sites dedicated to men improving with women. I referenced a few of these sites in my blog, Different Worlds of Men. There was one, however, I didn’t reference. That world was Goodbar Land.
I have yet to find a website that caters to Mr. Goodbar. I’ve found some that are arguably close. In my Different Worlds blog I mention Better Man World and Poly World. These aren’t Goodbars though. These are Masked Man types. These are men who had to do a lot of work to become select. There was another underground site I didn’t mention in that article that I was privy to that catered to real Pimps. You had to know somebody to get the link for that site. It still wasn’t a Goodbar site. Contrary to popular belief the Pimps really don’t have as much insight into the female mind as a Goodbar. Pimps are skilled at finding and managing women who are willing to sell their body. Pimps are lousy at dealing with regular or what they call square women. The image of the pimp is more in public consciousness. Goodbar is something else entirely.
I have a vivid memory of a seminar I did back in 2001 based on my book, Nice Guys and Players. It was with a group of young Black professionals. It was standing room only and a lot of energy. A fun part of the seminar was people acting out in skits the different character types I had in my books. It was all improv with a man and woman in each skit. They were given a brief description of each character and they went to work. The Nice Guy and Masked Man skits were good. The Gamesman skit had me on the floor laughing. Dude had legitimate good game which quite frankly is rare. He later told me he had seven sisters who taught him a lot. Anyway when they got to the Goodbar skit the man came on to the woman very aggressively and I stopped laughing. It was all wrong. I explained the problems of the interpretation and people looked at me as if I had an antenna growing out of my head.
Let me explain something about Mr. Goodbar. He is the top of food chain as far as sexual desirability. He is an Apex predator. People think Pimps or Macks are the top dogs, the Alpha Males, but it’s really Mr. Goodbar. The key piece with Goodbar is not that he chases women but rather they chase him. Women actively try to seduce Mr. Goodbar. This is an alien concept to most men who are not Goodbars. Women already know even though they don’t talk about it publically and especially not in mixed company. Goodbars don’t street harass or spend money trying to impress women. Women will street harass and spend money trying to impress Goodbar. Gigolos and Male Strippers are Goodbars who have gone pro. I remember this one dude who telling me he had “arrived.” He felt that since he was starting to get sex with decent women that he was the man. He found out the hard way that he wasn’t. He was getting women based on his salary, his home, and his cars. He had arrived as a Masked Man, the mask being the resources but he wasn’t Goodbar. A man knows he is Goodbar when women show up to his place with a trench coat on and nothing else. A man knows he’s Goodbar when he get late night texts talking about, “What you doing?” If a man has to open his wallet he’s not Goodbar. Only a small percentage of men have it like that.
Now many people think that Goodbar is probably a really handsome man that looks like a male model. Not really. First of all handsome is a subjective thing. What’s handsome to one woman is ugly to another. When it comes to dating advice, there is too much emphasis on facial features even when it is said, “Looks don’t matter.” For people who believe looks matter they feel that as long as a man has a handsome face he will get attention. I would say I’ve seen this to be the case when a man has an EXTREMELY handsome face. Otherwise there are standard handsome men who have a lot of trouble with women. The issue is not their faces. The key to turning on a woman sexually is not the face. There are millions of handsome men who are also seen as Nice Guys. Facially many may be better looking to women than a Goodbar. These men are also skinny or overweight. The key ingredient for a Goodbar is not the face but his body. What separates Mr. Goodbar from other men is his body. More on that later.
See a failing with many men in relating to women is that they are too much in their heads. They are approaching women using logical thinking. Logical thinking by its very nature is microcosmic. It is left-brained. It sees a small part of the overall picture. It is thinking based on information. It is limited if the information on a particular subject is limited. For example, many men base their actions in relating to women on studies and statistics. One example is the idea that fifty percent of Black women have herpes. This is according to a Center for Disease Control study. This study is based on actual test results. Many men will base their logical thinking on this study when dealing with Black women. The problem with this type of thinking is obvious to someone using common sense. In order for the statement that fifty percent of Black women have herpes every single Black woman in the country would have to be tested. A more accurate statement would be to say that fifty percent of the Black women TESTED for herpes had the disease. A woman would only get tested for herpes or anything else for the matter only if they showed symptoms. An analogy would be that a woman wouldn’t get tested for pregnancy unless she showed symptoms.
My point is that logical thinking is limited as far as relationships are concerned. It’s good for professions which have well established rules, regulations, and standards. Dealing with women is another thing entirely. A man who is too much in his head will see a Goodbar at a bar say something to a women and see her immediately get sexual with him. So the man in his head thinks, “If I say the same thing I will get the same result.” Most “game” advice focuses on saying the right things to women. So the man says the same things as the Goodbar and fails miserably. Depending on where he is he may get kicked out of the club or even arrested. What the man using logic didn’t see was that the Goodbar turned on the woman sexually before he even said a word to her. The woman was turned on by the man’s body. All the Goodbar had to do was pick up on the woman’s interest which leads to another difference between Goodbar and the rest of the male population. Mr. Goodbar doesn’t think the same way as other men.
There are actually four modes of thinking. Logical thinking is one mode which is linear, left-brained, and microcosmic. There is also analytical thinking which is abstract, left-brained and microcosmic. It uses analogy to compare one thing to another in order to come to a conclusion. There is a mode called synthesis which is holistic, right-brained, and macrocosmic. Synthesis looks at the big picture and how different parts of the picture fit together. People who have a lot of common sense are using synthesis. Finally there is integration which is intuitive, right-brained, and macrocosmic. People who use integration are the type that do things based on “gut feelings.” They are drawing from their subconscious mind. They can read a person or situation accurately without any outside information. Most human innovations came from integration.
As far as the four categories of men, Nice Guys, Gamesmen, and Masked Men tend to use logical and analytical thinking. Good for working in many professions and keeping a car running but not so good for dealing with women. Relationships are a right-brain thing. Men and even women who approach relationships using their left-brain are doomed to failure and at best a passionless coupling based on pragmatic concerns. Goodbars tend to use synthesis and integration. One way that I know when a man is a Goodbar or at least has the potential is that he can read women real well. This isn’t the type of reads that are taught in PUA boot camps which treat all the women the same. A Goodbar reads each woman as an individual and adjusts his actions accordingly. Goodbar is using intuition and also a lot of common sense. Goodbars know that women are into sex as much, even more than men. Strangely, many men think women don’t want sex as much as men and are scandalized when women show how sexual they can really get. Goodbar intuits a woman’s sexual interest. Using common sense Goodbar realizes that just like men are attracted to a woman’s body, women are attracted to a man’s body.
Many dating advice professionals will advise men to join a gym and get fit. The problem is that the men will still approach women while still in their heads. They still think some magic words or behaviors will turn on a woman sexually. Here’s a reality. The men who get the most panties thrown at them are not the brightest as group. I thought so at one time because of a personal bias but if I’m being honest the men who get the most women are not that bright at least not in a left-brain logical way. There are exceptions like in everything else. The women are responding to the man’s body. Just like a man wants to suck those breasts and grab that ass, a woman wants to lick that chest and grab that ass too. Ask me how I know. Women as a group are DRAWN to a certain body type, which tends to be mesomorphic or very close to it. The affect is literally magnetic to women. Men who are not close to that ideal need to be extremely handsome AND tall. For any man not at those ideals women will be a struggle and are doing well to simply get a cooperative girlfriend. One thing Goodbar doesn’t do is overthink situations with women. Women really aren’t that deep.
There is so much I can say. For anyone trying to get into Goodbar Land hit the gym. If you’re skinny add some bulk. If you’re overweight lose some weight. Even after you do all that learn to think differently. I know many men want to take workshops and read books on women. Many men will listen to other clueless men. Ultimately every man needs to cultivate his intuition and common sense. Follow those gut feelings. There has been many beautiful woman I passed over because my gut feeling screamed, “Oh hell no!” I have no regrets. I always found out something negative about the woman later on. Use some common sense. Dealing with women in a cookie cutter manner is stupid. Each woman no matter how similar she is to other women is still an individual. You gotta read that woman. You can’t follow a script. If you are having trouble with women it’s not the women. It’s you. You need to change your thinking because apparently it’s not working.
One final thing. The man who just read this needs to ask himself some basic questions. Does he want to live in a world where he has to remember lines, spend money, and chase women who may end up friend zoning him? Does he want to live in a world where women show up to his door wearing nothing but a trench coat and heels?
Think on this.
I lurk on a lot of websites, blogs, and pages on social media. I like being a fly on the wall just to see what people think about different things. As someone who studies subcultures I find the worldviews expressed in these different communities to be very fascinating. Yes I call them communities because even how people interact in the comments section of popular blogs is the same way that people interact in the real world. You have your dominant persons and you have your followers. Even within the virtual communities there are cliques. I’m not going to get to deep into the workings of virtual subcultures. Well maybe in another blog when I need something to write about. This particular blog I want to write about the different worlds of men.
A foundation of my relationship books is the different categories of men. What is interesting about these different categories is that they represent actual personality structures that have developed in this culture. The development is the combination of nature and nurture. Most men in the Mr. Goodbar category have good genetics. Most have symmetrical and muscular body builds which naturally arouse women. Women will naturally choose them. Whether or not they take advantage of the good genetics is a matter of nurture. A boy with good genetics growing up in a low income, crime ridden neighborhood is likely to grow up to be Mr. Goodbar. A boy with the same good genetics who grows up in an upper class gated community is likely to be a Masked Man.
That’s some raw game there that I don’t give away for free. The member’s only site is coming soon.
Getting back to the different websites I lurk on I have found some rather interesting dynamics with regard to men in particular. I check out some women’s web spots as well when I can find them. Women as a group tend to keep their real juicy conversations away from prying eyes. Women are real good at hiding their sexual faces despite what many men think. How to read those sexual faces will be something else for the member’s only site. Men though, we put it out there. Most men tell everything whether it’s true or not. I find the different worlds of men to be interesting in regard to how they interact with women. I’ll share examples of some of these worlds. I won’t give websites because none of these dudes are paying me to advertise for them. I’ll use colorful nicknames.
There one site I lurk on I’ll call “Incel World.” Incel refers to “involuntarily celibacy.” These are men who go long periods of time without sex. From how they describe themselves they are not the most handsome or muscular men. A belief in this community is that only the most handsome and robust men who they refer to as “slayers” get the lion’s share of sex from attractive women. I emphasize attractive women because many Incels are only attracted to the most physically beautiful women and they have little to no interest in the average and ugly women who are more in their league. These men spend an inordinate amount of time judging each other’s looks as well as the looks of “male models.” This community is based on the primacy of looks, status, and money. Intangibles such as personality and charisma are outside of belief system of this community.
Another site I check out every now and then is what I call “Scuzzy Playa World.” This community is about that game. These are lower end Gamesmen. These men are about getting the pussy by any means necessary. It doesn’t really matter the quality of women either. The men in this community idolize attractive women like most normal men but are not above sex with any female with a pulse. From how these men talk I really don’t think most of them would pass up a drunk, average looking, overweight young woman who was on the autism spectrum. Most people have met that one man who will stick his dick in anything female. The “Scuzzy Playa World” is a whole community of such men.
Several websites make up what I call the “Bitter Man Nation.” These websites, blogs, and pages on social media are filled with men who spend their time bashing women. These are typically men who are in the Nice Guy category who have started to act out after being constantly rejected not only by attractive women but average ones as well. These men didn’t start off bashing women. Indeed as a group these men at one time put women on pedestals. That is until they’ve been friendzoned for the umpteenth time. Another scenario is when they find out their prudish girlfriend who is making them wait for sex is doing the freaky-freaky with the local meth dealer. At some point they snap. Constant rejection can literally kill somebody. Most male suicide is because of rejection. The bitter men instead of slowly killing themselves have decided to strike back viciously.
One website I check out I’ll call the “Better Man World.” These men as a group are generally positive towards women. In this community these men are dedicated to improving themselves not just for women but for themselves in general. The men in this community are likely to talk about business and making money as they are about women. They recognize that everything is connected. These are not men who were blessed with great genetics. These are average dudes who know they need to improve their bodies, work on their social skills, and make more money. A key word used in this community is “upgrade.” As far as women they idolize the most attractive women but also look for women who have “their minds right.” Men in this community will skip over a woman with the pretty face and phat booty if she brings nothing else to the table.
Now one community I’ll call “Poly World.” This community is UNDERGROUND. A search engine will not find this community. A man has to be INVITED to be a part of this community. The men in this community go beyond what is taught publically as game, dating advice, or seduction. The conversations in this community isn’t about dressing well, working out, or what type of game to run to get a woman. The men in this community are typically involved in relationships with three or more women at any given moment. The conversations in this community focus on how to manage multiple women. The typical complaint in this community is having too many women and dealing with the drama that brings.
Here’s the interesting thing about all of this. The men from these different worlds RARELY interact with each other socially. There are invisible boundaries that separate these worlds. It is in a man’s true nature to set up boundaries. These boundaries range from the personal space of a man to being the citizen of a particular country. When men join with other men they set up a boundary. Boys who live on a particular street will set up a boundary based on that location. They will have loyalty to the boys on that street and see others as outsiders. Street gangs are nothing but boundaries. Many boundaries are set up around religious and political themes. The Samurai were a boundary as were the Nazis as well as ISIS. The boundaries of the communities I just outlined are set up around having the same mindset about relationships with women.
Boundaries like everything in life have good and bad sides depending on the perspective of the men. A boundary can be good if it promotes personal evolution. At the same time it can be bad if it prevents a man from learning something new. Using the above examples I provided the boundaries are preventing many men from growing. A great example is the Incel World and the Poly World. One group of men has trouble getting any woman while the other group has to limit the number of women they are willing to deal with. The Incels could learn a lot from the Polys but the boundaries would prevent this. One issue is just the perspective. It’s hard for two people with two different perspectives to communicate. Two, race would be a boundary since the Incel World is primarily white, and the Poly World is primarily Black. Yet there is something in the Incel perspective that is valuable because looks are a factor in mating decisions. The Poly perspective is valuable for the most part these are average looking men. Yet that conversation isn’t happening.
The Bitter Men could learn a lot from the Better Men. The Better Men have been rejected but instead of becoming mad they were inspired to improve which helps them in life period. Better Men can learn from Bitter Men because Bitter Men do have a tendency to call out negative behavior in women. Yet the boundaries are in place. The groups are not interacting.
One good thing about scuzzy playas is that they are realistic and pragmatic. Many men have problems with women because they are looking for the perfect Tens. Women who would be rated a Ten without the help of makeup, body shaping clothes, and someone good with Photoshop are rare. The average woman in Western society is short and slightly overweight. Most women are average looking. Yet they are still very good women who have a lot to offer a man. With the right makeup and clothes many of these women are very attractive. Many men lose out on these women. The scuzzy playa will talk to that woman even if she is wearing sweats. The scuzzy playa has a lot to teach.
The takeaway I want a man to get from this blog is to go outside your boundaries or better yet expand them. Any man can have several boundaries. “Circles within a circle.” To navigate life a man needs to have knowledge. As a former pimp once said to me a man had to be in the streets. What he meant was that a man needs to know what’s going on in the world. Most men don’t grow because they stay in their little worlds. Personally I know a lot about different things because I’m always exploring to gain knowledge. Knowledge brings me power to move through life with authority.
Fellas, go visit some new worlds.
I have a low budget movie in my DVD collection called Champion Road Arena. The story in the movie is that several martial artists come together to compete in an underground tournament in order to determine the most powerful fighter. Each fighter represents a particular style. Even though there are several characters there are three who are the main focus. One character is named Abel who is the master of a style called Earth Fist. The other main character, Mercer, is the master of a style called Heaven Fist. In the trailer for the film the styles were called Earth Opener and Heaven Opener. It turns out that the styles were two sides of the same coin and were split apart because a man who mastered both styles would be supremely powerful. The villain in the story was a man named Moses who was a master of Earth Fist. He wanted to learn the Heaven Fist to combine with Earth Fist. It was said that combining the two styles would amount to having “the power of God in one man’s hand,” – God Hand.
The concept of God Hand resonated with me because the concept of combining spirit, Heaven, with the material, Earth is the core of what I write about in my books. When I promoted Nice Guys and Players many people saw it as Nice Guys vs. Players. One commentator on a message board I used to frequent went as far as to write a long post saying how Nice Guys were superior to Players. The reality is he didn’t read my book and made an assumption just based on the title. The path I promote is that a man has to have the best qualities of both the Nice Guy and the Player in order to be optimally attractive to women. The more a man can strike a balance between these two polarities the more women will be drawn to him.
In past blogs I have talked about people having a social face and sexual face. I went further into the subject with my blog, Bimbos are Geniuses. In that blog I talked about two types of people in the population, Reverent Intelligentsians and Sensual Bohemians. Intelligentsians represent the spiritual side of attraction, Heaven. These are the people we connect with because of their intangible qualities such as their emotional dispositions. We all have met at least person that we click with because they have a good heart and compatible personalities. This a spiritual thing because spirit is not something we see but something we feel emotionally. The major issue with this is that someone that we may click with emotionally is not always the same person that turns us on physically. Here’s a great example. Over the years I’ve encountered hundreds of women who have complained about not being able to find a good man. I have found that when I questioned these women every single one has had at least ONE man who was a real good friend to them who they loved dearly. The only issue was that the man didn’t turn them on sexually. Many women would even say that their particular male friends would make a good mates and more than a few wished they could be physically attracted to their friends. A few may even marry their friends but the relationships run into problems because of a lack of physical passion. The bottom line though is that the mental attraction cannot be discounted. This is Heaven.
Then there are people who turn us on sexually. Despite what some Intelligentsians try to say two people HAVE to be physically attracted to one another. Most professional commentators focus on the spiritual side of relationships which is very important but is only one half of the equation. I remember one Intelligentsian commentator wrote that for a man to turn on a woman he needed to wash the dishes and help out with housework. As many men who have been friendzoned can attest to, that’s some bullshit. I can fill a book with stories of men who have done nice things for women only to hear the words, “I only see you as a friend.” Now the Bohemian commentator in giving advice will tell a man pack on some muscles, get a haircut and a good cologne. A woman would be told to avoid getting a belly and to get a dress that will make her butt look real good and to fix her hair. The Bohemian appeals to the opposite sex based on raw lust. This is Earth.
The Nice Guys and Players Philosophy is the path of balance. When someone is too Intelligentsian they don’t appeal physically to the opposite sex. They are seen as someone’s friend or even worse their brother or sister. When someone is too Bohemian they are seen physically enticing but that comes with its own set of problems. An example that come to mind was when I worked with this young woman who was Bohemian. She would always wear tight clothes that would cling to every inch of her voluptuous body. She often complained of men following her on the street and said that one time a man on the street offered her money to sleep with her. Now a problem was that her style of dress was affecting her ability to advance on the job. Fortunately for her an older supervisor took her to the side and spoke to her about her presentation. In the next few months the young lady toned down her style of dress and was able to advance on the job because once one got past her physical assets it turns out she was very intelligent and a hard worker. She advanced because she became more balanced.
In Champion Road Arena, the term “God Hand” meant having the power of God in one’s hand. This isn’t a supernatural or occult thing. Someone doesn’t acquire the ability to defy gravity or create out of thin air. I’m saying this because quite frankly some people take statements literally and not figuratively. For the ordinary man and woman the power of God in their hands means they can create life they want to live. Let me use a story as an example. This story based on women I have known and still know. I’m combining elements of each of their stories in order to get my point across.
There is a woman named Suzanne. She grew up in a poor and dysfunctional environment to a single mother who didn’t follow any religious path. As Suzanne became a teenager she developed a very sensual body which affected the men around her. Initially she was able to get favors from boys and older men as long she provided sex or allowed them to touch her. Eventually she would become a stripper who would provide extra services for the right price. Her major issue that she would spend the money she got almost fast as she got it so she was broke all the time. Her lifestyle was also beginning to grate on her. She was really just drifting along. She was a Sensual Bohemian and the thing with Bohemians is that they tend to lack direction. Suzanne’s life would get better.
Suzanne was introduced to a spiritual path which caused her to look at her life and behavior. By practicing the spiritual path she started to develop her character and developed more discipline. She also began losing interest in being a stripper. She became more Intelligentsian in her behavior. Now here’s where God Hand comes in. Though she became more spiritual the Bohemian side of her didn’t go away. It just came under the control of her will. So she still had the curves and though she dressed more conservatively, her clothing would still highlight her body and draw men to her. Instead of using men for her personal benefit she was able to help other people.
Suzanne was given the chance to be a host model for a party. She had found her true calling. Suzanne eventually became an event planner specializing in singles parties. She could always get men to come to her parties and because the men were there women would show up in droves. Suzanne was able to become a millionaire because she expanded from singles parties to expos, conferences and eventually movie and play production. She became a millionaire because she combined her Bohemian nature, Earth, with her Intelligentsian nature, Heaven, and thus create the life she wanted. Earth and Heaven in her hand, God Hand.
This isn’t something I’m making up. The above example is a composite is actual women I know. As far as men I made an interesting observation when dealing men who I classify as Mr. Goodbar: Every single one of them follow a definite spiritual path. When I say they follow a path I don’t mean they follow the dogma of a particular path. Many people can quote a holy book but their behavior contradicts their words. What I found is that the Goodbars will follow the behavior required by their paths. This is Christian Goodbar who follows Jesus’ greatest commandment of “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” This is the Muslim Goodbar who behaves in a peaceful calm manner. This is the Jewish Goodbar who is sincerely charitable. This is the IFA Goodbar who demonstrates what is called Iwa Pele or “Good Character.” Even the one Atheist Goodbar I have encountered behaved with a certain code towards others.
The reason Goodbars succeed with women is not their physical packages. Yes their looks attract women but as a Black Muslim once said to me, women are really attracted to the God in men. Many women can attest to meeting a man who they think is good looking. Then they talk to him and are turned off, or as one woman puts it "instant dryness." Indeed many good looking men are not Goodbars but rather Masked Men. Their mask is their looks. At a deeper level women are attracted to a man’s spiritual nature. In Nice Guys and Players I have a chapter called “Mental and Spiritual Development.” Interestingly enough in the fifteen years since the publication of my book I have never seen any commentary about that particular chapter.
Let me hit you with something deep. A man wants to plant a seed in a woman’s body but a woman wants to plant a seed in a man’s spirit. If you understand what I just said hit me up here.
Keep in mind that the men who attract the most women are always spiritual leaders. It’s not an accident that so many ministers, priests, shamans, and gurus have large followings and manage to sleep with lots of women. I’ll let that marinate.
So for a man to develop God Hand he needs to develop his Earthly vessel, his body, to its optimal level. This means working out to get the best body he can, staying as healthy as he can and learning how to enhance the appearance of that body through grooming and clothing. Mastering Earth is powerful in itself. The man also needs to develop his spiritual nature through a spiritual path he feels an affinity for or through a behavior code he develops through life experience. It is then that he masters Heaven. Combine them and he has the power of God in his hands. God Hand.