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The Beautiful Ones

11/16/2014

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            Back in the late nineties I was working on an interesting book project.   It was a novel about a subculture of extremely beautiful people and the problems they face.   Hey, hey, hey, don’t laugh.   If you watch any television show on the CW network you would think this subculture really existed.   I’ve always had a fascination with subcultures.   Sometimes I even think of getting a formal sociology degree even though I took more than a few of these classes in school.   That might be something to do.  

            Anyway as part of my research I put an ad in a local newspaper looking for “extremely attractive men and women for a research project.”   I only talked to a few individuals.   A couple were looking to get paid and a few more I played phone tag with.   The few I talked to included an attorney who said he didn’t get taken seriously in court or while playing sports and another guy who was a gay intellectual with an astronomical IQ.   No joke.   This dude was on some serious deep esoteric, intellectual stuff that suggested to me he was born maybe two centuries too soon.   He was talking about concepts found in the classic movie, The Matrix, three years before the movie came out.  

            Since I didn’t get enough people from my ad I talked to some male and female friends who other people would consider extremely physically attractive.   I emphasize the term PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE.   Beauty is in the eye of beholder and also how someone comes across.   For example, someone who physically wouldn’t stand out in a crowd can still be considered attractive if they have charisma and great grooming.   Some people become more attractive as you get to know them.   These types weren’t going to be the focus of my novel.

            I was interested in those rare individuals who have what I call optimal genetic beauty.   They have a great bone structure that transcends race, nationality, and culture.   Indeed, many of the individuals I interviewed and knew personally were multiracial.   There were also a few I interviewed who could be said to be the optimal genetic representative of their racial phenotype.   One was a muscular chocolate brotha who had women swooning.   Women would see us talking and then take me to the side and ask, “So who’s your friend?”   Another was a pale Irish redhead whose skin looked like porcelain.   There’s actually some science behind what I just wrote but it’s some really deep stuff I don’t go into publicly.  

            The angle I was going to take with my novel was about the inner life of physically beautiful people.   Using my chocolate buddy as an example, so many women used to ask me about him I thought about pimping him.   Seriously this dude used to have women just throw themselves at him.   Thing was he was laid back and even shy.   What I really found interesting was that women would think and ask all sorts of things about him based on his physical appearance and they would be off by miles.   He got plenty of sex but he really wasn’t a classic player trying to juggle multiple women.    He was just a good person.   Many women thought that because of his looks that he was womanizing dog.   Naw, he was more of a serial monogamist.  

            He was just one example.   What I found most was that these beautiful ones faced a lot of stress because of their looks especially the women.   Extremely beautiful women have a reputation of being airheads with nothing to do but look good.   A few seem like they deserve this reputation upon first meeting them.   Getting to know them though I found these women to be deep and fascinating individuals.   This has always been the case.   For example, I knew one very beautiful young woman who was working as an exotic dancer.   Physically she was a traffic stopper with her face and body.   She was also voracious reader who could probably hack a government computer network.  I remember her telling me, “Rom leave those PC’s alone!  Get yourself a MAC.”

            Many of the beautiful ones have a deep inner life but because of the culture we live in people don’t really care.   The whole PUA/Seduction industry is based on getting these extremely beautiful women.   Any street harassment an average woman faces is magnified for the extremely beautiful woman.    I remember when I worked at a health club in downtown DC and I almost had to throw hands with a man who followed one of the workers into the club.    This worker have a very beautiful face and the body of video vixen.   Outside of her physical appearance she was very sweet person.   

            Things can be almost as bad for physical attractive men.   There is a subculture of men on the internet who feel if they get plastic surgery to improve their looks they will finally get women.   Maybe, but there are many physical attractive men feel differently.   The thing about the physically attractive man is that he typically is not a player.   Most are genuinely nice men who won the genetic lottery.   Most womanizing men are not drop dead gorgeous.   On average, womanizers are plain looking men with good bodies and nice clothes.    Looks matter to women but not necessarily extraordinary looks.   A reality is that while women may stare at and lust for a gorgeous man, actually talking to one may not happen.   Most women are intimidated by a very good looking man.   The average woman doesn’t want to be around a man who looks better than her.   Even in cases where this does happen any insecurities she has will come to the surface.   

            Also physically attractive men typically do not have incentive to develop the skillsets of player.   Though most women are intimidated there are still going to be some aggressive women.   In all these stories in the media about female teachers having sex with male students we always see the pictures of the women.   I guarantee that if the pictures of the boys were shown they will be pretty boys with toned bodies.   A man used to aggressive women will typically get caught up with one woman who takes care of his needs.  Other physically attractive men will have nerdy interests and mannerisms.   Some women will be this way as well.   I recall a conversation I had recently with a very physically attractive but awkward young woman who is a regular at comic book conventions as a cosplayer.

            I think about these beautiful ones as I think about the more average people who chase them.   There have been whole subcultures that have developed for the purposes of having sex with extremely beautiful women.   Quiet as it is kept there are also a few subcultures of women who are focused on admiring and securing extremely handsome men.   These subcultures can be found on social media if one knows where and how to look.   It’s amazing to me how people try to discount looks and yet so many people are not satisfied unless they have a mate who is very physically attractive.   Even people who are in nominally loving relationships will step out if given an opportunity with a Beautiful One.  

            Honestly that’s normal.  Two things need to happen though.  First we need to stop pretending that looks, especially good looks, don’t matter.   It’s a politically correct and a marketing lie for dating companies that needs to be put to rest.   Second, people need to remember that Beautiful Ones have personalities and quirks just like anyone else.   For the person that has to have a Beautiful One they have to get past the looks and focus on the personality.   Sometimes the personality is even more beautiful than the outer shell.  

            One issue extremely attractive men and women have always said to me is that they want to be seen as human.   Too many people treat the Beautiful Ones as objects and not as human beings who need love, affection, and companionship like everyone else.

            As far as that novel, read the final product in my serialized story, Those Eyes.   For a long time the working title of the book was, The Beautiful Ones.

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Develop Your Own Style

7/27/2014

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            There are millions of men looking for ways to improve their relationship experiences with women.   A whole subculture/industry has developed around seduction gurus, dating coaches, bloggers, and websites.   It’s proven to be financially lucrative for many men and some women as well.   Thing I’m seeing though is that men don’t seem to be getting better in their interactions with women.   In my personal view things are getting worse.   I don’t say this lightly.  I’m one of those men who will dig deep and ask a lot of personal questions if I’m trying to find the solution to a problem.   Many men quite simply are failing to connect with women despite the resources out there.   That’s because there is a real issue with how these resources are shared.  

            See men are really just copying the styles and techniques of their coaches and gurus and not developing their own thing.   The men aren’t being authentic and true to themselves.   For example one man may take a seminar where the instructor says to approach 100 women a week.   The man thinks this is a good idea because the he has seen videos of the instructor successfully approaching and even kissing women in the street.   So the man takes notes and a few days later goes out and approaches as many women as possible and is harshly rejected most of the time and the few phone numbers he gets are from women who simply wanted him out of their faces.   The man can’t figure out what went wrong.

            Another man may not go to a dating seminar or even bother reading books.  He believes that as long as he works hard, has money, and shows a willingness to be a good provider women should find him attractive.  He gets frustrated when he sees women with lazy thugs who can’t afford their own cars while he has a Mercedes C-Class and a large house.    After all he knows other men with the same things who have more women than they know what to do with.   

            These men are having problems because they are following someone else’s style.   I written before that it would be a con job for me to teach “game.”  Things work a certain way for me because of my nature which is unique to me.   I can tell a man to look directly into a woman’s eyes when he talks to her and she will be sexually aroused.   Most men will fail.  Looking into a woman’s eyes works for me because women consistently tell me I have pretty eyes.   The method would only work for another man with pretty eyes.   A man doing the same thing with unremarkable eyes could be considered creepy.  

            The most a seduction guru or dating coach can give a man is a perspective.   In my own coaching the most I give a man is my perspective and perhaps what I have seen work with a group of men generally.   Ultimately a man has to develop his own style.  He has to develop skills and techniques that are unique to who he is and his mission in life.   He can’t worry about what everybody else is doing.   Let me use the analogy of basketball.

            Of the five players on the basketball court, each one has his own game.   The point guard’s game may be passing and penetrating to the basket.   He may not have a good outside shot but that’s cool.   He helps the team win by playing his game.   The shooting guard may be able to rain three point shots all game but may not be good penetrating.   The small forward may be good at ball-handling and defense but can only hit an occasional outside shot.   The power forward may be a beast on the boards but non-factor for scoring.   The center may be good at blocking shots and have a great inside game but can’t hit a three pointer.   All of them contribute just in different ways.  Their different styles are all legitimate.

            In the game of men chasing women a man has to find his personal style.  Using myself as an example many things that are taught in dating seminars didn’t work as well for me.   Many men will say “approach, approach, approach.”   Well when I was younger I would do that and get shot down.   Then I started noticing that when I was more laidback or even non-chalant women would approach me.   What I found was that when I approached women they would ask themselves, “Why is this good-looking man approaching me with these corny lines?”   The women would think something was wrong with me because in their minds someone that looks like me shouldn’t come off as thirsty.   I’ve had women tell me this was the issue.   Women have actually told me that I could have any woman I wanted.   I started chilling out and noticed that women would approach me on the street.  Even to this day I have random women approach me, flirt with me, and even tell me to smile while I’m walking down the street.   This has been the case even when dressed like a bum in need of a shave and haircut.  What I have works for me.

            Now if I taught men to do exactly what I do they would fail unless they had identical physical and mental attributes.  See the next man may need to be a little more aggressive while out in public.   He may need to speak to more women and “shoot that jumper” as this one player I know likes to say.  That’s cool.   Still another man may have to dress sharp just to get a woman to notice him.   He might need to have his haircut on point to get attention.   Still another man may need to limit approaching women to social environments where he is part of a group.

            In order for a man to develop his style he has to learn how to be PRESENT with women.   When I say present I mean a man has to literally be right there with a woman.  Most men when they are with a woman are thinking about doing something in the FUTURE with her.   A man sees a thick booty woman while walking down the street and his thoughts go to doing her doggy style.   He’s not paying enough attention to what she’s doing in the NOW.   He approaches her thinking about the future.  He's not paying attention that she seems distracted.  She has not given him any indication that she wants to be bothered.   He approaches her and she give him a crazy look.  He keeps trying to talk to her until her girlfriend walks up and is ready to fight.  Yeah I said girlfriend.   If he was present and not thinking about the future he would have noticed that despite the phat ass she didn’t give the vibe that she was into men.

            The main thing with a man being present is that he starts to pay attention to how women respond to him.   Using myself as an example the other day I was coming home from the gym and I stopped by the grocery store.   I had on a sleeveless shirt and some shorts.   Many women were staring and smiling.   I’ve learned that women really like my body so I wear clothes that show my physique.   Even when I dress up I wear fitted clothing.   It works for me.   Another man may notice that women pay attention to him when his head is shaved.  Still another man may notice that women really respond to him when he is speaking.   Different things work for different men which brings me to my next point.  

            Too many men get caught up in thinking that they have to be tall, muscular, and male model handsome in order to get women.   Yes being tall, muscular, and handsome will attract many women.   The problem is that men who don’t have these attributes feel like they can’t get women.   Bullshit.   I read a blog one time where the writer stated that women are only interested in one type of man; the tall, muscular, and handsome man.   The writer felt that women didn’t have “fetishes” like men do.   He said that there are “face men,” “breast men,” “ass men,” and “leg men.”   He also mentioned chubby chasers, men who like short women, and men who like tall women.   I would add that some men like buttafaces.   We all know this.  What’s kept real quiet though is that women are the exact same way.

            Now women are more open about wanting the tall, muscular, and handsome men.   There is a growing industry of websites and even feminist porn where men are seen as sex objects.   What isn’t talked about publically though is that women do indeed have certain types that get them sexually open.   One such type is the Big Handsome Man (BHM) or as their called in the Black community “Teddy Bears.”   To be clear Teddy Bears in the Black community have nothing to do with the Bear subculture within the LGBT community.   Some women are turned on by big hamburger and fries eating dudes.   Some women are turned on by buttaface men.   Many women don’t want to be around a man who looks better than they do.   I’ve met women who were turned on by short men.   I’ve known many men in their forties and fifties who had twenty year olds chasing them.    For every type of man out there are women who are turned on by their particular attributes.

            A man has to be comfortable with who he is and his unique nature.   He always wants to improve himself but he has to be realistic.   A 5’6” man will not grow to over 6 feet tall.   What he can do pay attention to which women respond to him and play up his positive qualities that attract women.   Some big dudes might not get any more muscular.    They can deal with the women who like big men.   The bottom line is that a man can get another man’s perspective but ultimately he cannot be a clone.   All men have to develop their own unique style.

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