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My Problem with the Woman Want Thugs Theme

6/29/2014

            I see things different from most people.   My life experience has given me a different perspective on a great many things.   Something that has happened to me since I was little is that I will make an observation about a person or situation and people would think that I was out of my mind.    Every single time though somebody would come back to me and say, “Rom you were right about that person,” or “that thing played out the way you said it would.”   Now I’ve been wrong about some things but I considered those to be learning experiences.   So how did I get this wisdom?   I’ve had a unique life path.

            I’ve talked about in the Why I Don’t Teach Game blog series that I spent my early childhood in a dysfunctional environment.   That’s only part of the story.   When I was placed in my Grandmother’s custody as a ten year old, we moved into new house in more middle class neighborhood.   Instead of being around mental patients, low level criminals, and sociopathic 8 year-olds, I was now around young professional families with well-behaved children.   Took me awhile to adjust but it gave me a different perspective on life.   Eventually I would attend a prominent all-boys Catholic school where most of my peers came from middle to upper middle class backgrounds.   It further enhanced my perspective on life especially with relationships.

            Going to an all-boy school was good for me in two ways as far as my future relationship life. First being at an all-boy school meant I could focus on school work without being distracted by the presence of a female.   Many teenage boys don’t do well in school because they are more interested in impressing girls than focusing on their studies.   I learned how to take care of business and not be pressed about girls.   Second, I learned how to be aggressive with girls outside of the school.   If there was a party I was either there or knew about it.   If I met a girl at a party or on the street I had to get her phone number right there on the spot. I couldn’t watch her for weeks from the back of the classroom. I didn’t get to watch her in the school cafeteria.   No girls in the school meant I couldn’t hesitate when I met them outside of the school.   My experience at the all-boys school taught me not so much how to overcome fear but how not to have it to begin with.

            So by the time I reached college I had experienced the dysfunctional underclass and the striving for excellence middle class.   After my college and post graduate studies I moved in a world of upper middle class mores and attitudes.   Particularly relevant were the attitudes towards dating and relationships I observed with the many women I encountered both romantically and platonically.   See there is the belief that women want bad boys, thugs, and lowlifes. When men in particular make these statements they are only going on what they see. They see women with lowlifes. They see women with men with bad dispositions and multiple tattoos.   So when someone like me comes by and says the whole “women wanting thugs” thing is blown out of proportion I’m looked at like I’m crazy.   Not crazy though just stating what I have seen. And I’ve seen some things that would turn the average man’s stomach.

            The main problem with the “women wanting thugs” viewpoint is that some men and surprisingly many women are seeing things from a limited perspective.   Let me use an example from the animal kingdom; ants and a hawk.   Imagine the world of an ant. His world is in someone’s backyard not extending too far from the ant hill. The reality of the ant is whatever is in that backyard.   The hawk’s world however extends for several miles.   He not only sees the ant hill in the backyard but the ant hills in several backyards plus other animals including humans and their houses.   The hawk has a better perspective of the world around him.   In human terms many people are ants and a few people are hawks. I say without conceit that I’m a hawk.

            Applying it to this notion that women want thugs I know it’s overstated because I have seen and more importantly experienced the big picture.   One of things that is not talked about in a straight –forward manner is class influenced behavior and its effect on male-female relationships.   I mean we’ll call men thugs and women ratchets but I don’t think people think about the overall implications of these terms.   Without turning this blog into a major dissertation I will state that “women wanting thugs” is a primarily underclass mating practice.   I roll my eyes when I see professional men especially complain about women wanting thugs.   The reason I roll my eyes because I question why a gainfully employed professional man would want the type of woman that would find a thug attractive.   So many men are complaining about women wanting thugs that I don’t think they are paying close attention to the actual women.

            The women who tend to find the thugs attractive are usually women from similar underclass backgrounds.   This is even the case when the woman is a college educated professional.   I’ve met plenty of degreed women who were physically beautiful and spoke like they grew up in a privileged environment.   I get them nice and comfortable and their whole demeanor changes.   Their body language and even their speech intonation changes and I find out they came from the underclass and worked their way out.   A lot of women are like that. Women in general tend to be attracted to the types of men they grew up around. If they grew up around thugs they will tend to always be attracted to that energy.   Indeed many women from the underclass look for that thug energy in a suit and tie professional.

            Here’s the thing now. Most women did not grow up in an underclass environment.   A majority of the women in this culture grew up in a middle class, church going environment.   I emphasize the word “church.”   Other than class affecting relationships, a person’s religious upbringing will influence their mating choices. That’s a future blog.   My point is that because of her background a woman may not find a thug anything other than physically attractive.   Now I know I talk about the importance of physical attraction but physical attraction is balanced out by social attraction.   Let me explain what I mean by social attraction by using an example.

            A woman named Abby meets a man named Abdul.   Abby is very attracted physically to Abdul and the attraction is mutual.   Abby wants to do nasty things to Abdul’s muscular body.   They talk a few times and Abby decides to move on. She was turned on by Abdul physically but socially she is turned off to the point that her vagina stops tingling.   See Abby is a socially conservative Christian girl from a solid middle class background who is in law school. She is a fifth generation college graduate and moves in a world of affluence.   Abdul is from a dysfunctional family that experienced several generations of poverty and he has done prison time. In jail he converted to Islam and despite that he still has many street mannerisms.   Abby was taught to mate from the neck up while Abdul let’s his dick make relationships decisions. Physically Abdul and Abby may have been compatible but socially they were very incompatible.

             By the way though I've stated that I won't teach game I just gave away a major principle that a man can use to get sex from a women.   Hit up my contact form if you can figure out what it is.

            Women in general tend to mate within their social class or higher. The practice of women mating with a man in a higher social class is called hypergamy.   The average woman is always looking to trade up.   The women who get with thugs, if you really look at them, don’t have the ability to do better. Even if they are otherwise physically attractive a conversation with them will reveal why a professional man would not want to get with them.   Quiet as it is kept upper middle class successful men are very picky.   Some Joe Schmoe on the street may have sex with whatever woman makes herself available but a successful man making six figures, with a big house, luxury car, and stock portfolio has too much to lose to be indiscriminate with where he sticks his dick.

            Now one argument that men who complain about women wanting thugs may have is that despite what I just wrote the thugs are not so much getting women but they are getting the most physically attractive women.   Actually they are not.   I say this from personal experience.   As I said I used to move in more affluent circles and still have some connections to those worlds if I need something.   Why I don’t move in those circles anymore have to do with my present philosophical beliefs. But I digress.

            When I was younger and going to parties I observed two things: the social class of the party goers and the level of attractiveness.   In the late eighties I used to go to some hotel parties given by some affluent men.   They would give four parties during the year at different luxury hotels. They never put flyers or any other advertisements and yet their parties were always packed.   You had to know somebody to find out the party locations.   The women at the parties were typically upper middle class professionals who rated as nines and tens.   One party I brought a couple a female friends who were more average in appearance. My friends didn’t like the party because there were so many “Black Barbie Dolls.”   The women at these parties were drop dead gorgeous with fit bodies and classy attitudes.   These women wouldn’t give a thug the time of day unless he was extremely attractive. Even then the thug wouldn’t get any further if he opened his mouth and start spouting some ghetto nonsense.

            My point is that too many men are worried about the actions of women who are not even the top of line.   The women on these social networks with the big juicy booties and multiple tattoos are not top of the line. Yeah they get a man’s dick hard but trust me most of them will not age well.   Women who deal with too many low-level men never age well and their looks will fade.   On the other hand upper class women tend to maintain their beauty well into 60’s and 70’s, even beyond.

            Let’s forget about the women for a second. Too many men use the “women want thugs” thing as an excuse not to improve themselves.   It’s too easy to find a website or social network page where men are complaining about the thugs.   It’s easy to complain.   Thing is the women who go for thugs are going to go for them anyway.   More power to them.   My message to men is to leave them alone.   A man should focus his energy on improving himself, and finding social circles containing beautiful classy women.   I know those booty models are sexy.   I’ve met some middle class women with bodies that will blow away the booty models.   Many of those women are saving their sexy bodies for genuinely good men.   I’ve even known some that prefer so-called corny men.   Stop hating on the thug for getting a ratchet woman.   Build yourself and look for classy women.

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The Reality About Thug Love

6/20/2014

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           Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, or all of your numerous devices have been broken you have seen the mug shot of Jeremy Meeks.   Not only has this picture gone viral but it has become another chapter in the age old debate about whether women like bad boys.   I mean this has polarized people. You have women setting up social media pages for this dude they never met. Men are hating like a champ.   I can’t recall the last I’ve seen anything that provoked this strong a reaction out of people.   So you know I had to put my $59.99 into it.   I think bigger than 2 cents.

            Anyone who has read my books or simply my blog knows I put a lot into physical attraction. To say that Mr. Meeks has validated my viewpoints is an understatement. Let’s be real about it, people are not talking about the man because he committed a major crime or act of terrorism.   People are talking about him because he took a mug shot that women find attractive. That’s it.   I could see if he won America’s Top Model through a national vote.   Naw he just took a regular picture.   Bad picture really because mug shots aren’t supposed to be flattering.   If a person is taking a mug shot it means they made some unfortunate choices in life.

            Let’s be clear on something. Women are not going crazy over Mr. Meeks because he’s a thug. Many want to frame it that way but if that is the case how come the pictures of the three men arrested and charged with him haven’t had their mug shots go viral?

            Stop and think about it.

            Mr. Meeks is now famous and will probably get money out of this because women found him very attractive. That’s it, ballgame.   It really had nothing to do with him being a thug.   Look at this photo shopped picture.

         If Mr. Meeks was a regular model his picture would still make the rounds on social media through one of the numerous pages which cater to women who like to look at attractive men.   Maybe not to this extent but his face would still be well-known.   This phenomenon proves something that I have always said: Women really don’t check for thugs. Women check for good looking men who may HAPPEN to be thugs.

            I have said for years that the Thug Love thing is overrated and misunderstood.   The problem is that women are not completely honest about what they really want in a man and it’s impossible for a heterosexual man to see what a woman sees in a particular man.   The simple reason being that men don’t have a vagina.   The average man can’t judge what a woman sees or more importantly feels with another man.   I’ve heard men say, “Well I look better than him. I’m more handsome.” His buddies may even agree with him after they say, “no homo.”   They are looking from a heterosexual man’s point of view though which will tend to be more objective.   The woman is seeing something totally different.   Over the years I have had women confide in me about some man they were lusting after.   Different women of course will say different things but there was ALWAYS one common theme: they all said that the men they desired were PHYSICALLY attractive. Typically they considered the men to above average in looks as they would use words like gorgeous, dreamy, and beautiful.   The men these women were lusting after ranged from common street thugs to white collar professionals.

            In my blogs I’ve talked about how I grew up in the underclass so I definitely saw some thugs getting women.   I also have college and post-graduate degrees.   The pretty boys with degrees got more women because they not only had the looks but they had the status and money as well.   At the same time I’ve known some thugs who got less play than a church boy.   I’ve known plenty of professionals who have to travel out of the country to get sex or even attention from women. The thing that separates the select men, the men who get women, from the non-select, men who don’t get women, is physical appearance.   Forget everything else you’ve heard. This is the real deal.

            The thing most men don’t get and that women don’t admit to publically is that they are just like men when it comes to evaluating the sexual desirability of the opposite sex.   I would argue that they are worse.   A man will have sex with a physically unattractive woman if she makes herself available to him.   Many women however, will choose celibacy rather than have sex with a man they consider physically unattractive.   This is the case regardless of the man’s money, status, or game.   Some women may have pity sex with an unattractive man if they are horny enough and the man has spent enough money and time with them.   For the most part the unattractive man will be friend zoned.

            I hate I had to be the one to tell you.

            Now someone may say Rom why are you saying all of this? Aren’t you concerned that some men may lose hope? No. Contrary to popular belief anybody can improve their looks through diet, exercise, and attitude. Women know it’s about looks, so there are whole industries designed to help women improve their appearance.   Men need to realize that they need to do the same thing. The irony is that men still have it easier.   A man doesn’t have to be drop-dead handsome to attract a woman. A man really just needs good grooming, a decent body build and a likeable personality to at least attract a girlfriend.   Every man is a Mr. Goodbar to somebody.

            I don’t want to make this too long.   Men need to stop worrying about women chasing thugs and work on themselves.   If a woman wants to be with a thug more power to her.   A man needs to be concerned about the women checking for him. While he’s looking at the thug chaser, three equally attractive women are wondering why he doesn’t notice them.   Build yourself and the women will come.

            Drops mic!

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Why I Don't Teach Game, The Conclusion: The Real Deal

6/18/2014

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            So the question must now be if Rom doesn’t teach game, how can I get women? I’ll say this. Game does work. There is no disputing that.   A man using game can definitely get women. Even at the rudimentary level that is being taught by dating coaches and seduction gurus.   The real issue is what type of women are receptive to game.   The women most receptive to a man running game on them are not the top quality women men pay hundreds of dollars for books and seminars to meet.   The women most receptive to game tend to be either plain Janes or simply ugly, overweight, low self-esteem females who lack street smarts.   Even the physically attractive women who seem to be receptive to game have some things going on. The attractive women tend to be promiscuous anyway and quite frankly will have sex with a man whether he used game or not.   If I wanted to teach game I would simply teach men how to tell if a woman is promiscuous or easy regardless of her mask.   My point in all this is that men using game are not getting the best they can get.   They are getting grocery store hamburgers instead of steakhouse Filet Mignons. So what should a man do?

            First thing a man needs to understand is that women WANT to have sex.   Many men have the false belief that women are not as interested in sex as men.   As a result many men approach women thinking they have to convince the woman to have sex.   She’ll have sex just maybe not with him.   The first mistake is that men tend to approach women who are not trying to seduce them. Women are really as sexually aggressive as men. They just express their aggression in a different way.   Instead of approaching a man, a normal woman will dress, and behave in such a way as to draw a man to her. Women by nature are seductive. They want to draw your attention to them. That’s how they hunt.   A young girl on my day job had a short sexy dress. I complimented her and said, “You’re hunting aren’t you?” She answered, “Yeah I’m looking for a new man.”   A man doesn’t really need game to get a woman. He simply needs to pay attention.   If he pays attention he will notice that at least one woman has been trying to seduce him.   The key for a man is to develop himself into the type of man a woman will want to seduce.

            The first thing a man has to do is develop his physical sex appeal. Women are turned on by a man’s body period.   A woman has to be able to look at a man and want to PHYSICALLY have sex with him.   Forget all that mess about WORDS turning a woman on.   A man’s body turns a woman on, period.   Now let me explain why it seems like a man’s words turn a woman on.   Women are moved primarily by emotion. They are built that way.   Men need to stop expecting women to be rational. They can be but they are primarily moved by emotion. A woman’s emotions are moved by her hormones. That’s why a woman’s moods changes by the week, even day to day.   Now what women do is rationalize their emotions.   Let me get Dexter Goodbar in here to illustrate my point.   A married woman, Gwen, meets Dexter at a store he owns.   She immediately lusts him.   Dexter picks up on it and immediately hits her with his sexually enticing conversation.   Gwen wants him bad because her lust is affecting her emotions.   She starts thinking that her husband isn’t attentive or that good in bed.   What she is doing is rationalizing her desire to sleep with Dexter.   She sleeps with Dexter and tells her friends.   Instead of saying that she was simply turned on by Dexter’s body she says that he said all the right things.   The truth is that Dexter was trying to get a sale and his best sales technique with women is to flirt with them.   Gwen had decided she was going to sleep with Dexter when she first laid eyes on him.   She just had to rationalize her choice.

            Men need to understand the reality of a woman’s sexual aggression.   If there is a man thinking he still thinking he needs game let me share this.   There are plenty of stories in the media about female teachers having sex with underaged male students.   Those are just teachers.   There are many older women who seduce and sleep with teenaged boys. Something I’ve NEVER shared before but I will do so now.   When I was seventeen I had a brief relationship with an older woman. I don’t want give away the details. I didn’t see it as abuse or a bad thing. It’s just something that happened.   The thing about it though is that I didn’t use any type of game. I just allowed myself to be seduced.   She was pretty and besides the physical aspect we were both science fiction fans.   My point is that I was able to get her without using any type of game.  She wanted me and I allowed it.

            So a man needs to understand a woman’s true sexual nature as well the need to work on his body. Just a note about that. A man does not have to be super-muscular or drop dead handsome to attract a woman. It doesn’t hurt but if someone isn’t blessed with great genetics he call still turn on a woman physically.   Women like different types of bodies. Some women like tall and beefy, some like short and slim.   A man needs to work on developing the best body that he can. He then needs to pay attention to see which women are turned on by his particular body.   All men really don’t need to have movie star looks to get women.   Most women don’t want to be with a man who looks better than they do. All a man has to be is decent looking with a body that appeals to a particular women.   The only women that tend to want a man that looks better than them are buttaface women.   The reason is that it makes them look good by being able to seduce a good-looking man.   Most men classified as Mr. Goodbar have average to slightly above average faces.   Men who are extremely handsome tend to have issues with women for numerous reasons I’ll get into in a future blog.

            Other than his physical presentation a man needs to work on his overall character.   A man doesn’t need to and shouldn’t change his basic personality to get a woman. If he is naturally cool and calm he shouldn’t become gregarious because he thinks it will attract women. Many women are attracted to cool and calm men.   A gregarious man shouldn’t try to be laid back because he thinks it will attract women.   Many women are attracted to gregarious men.   See what many dating coaches and seduction coaches teach men is how to wear a mask.   That’s why so many men fail.   Men have to be themselves.   They have to develop their character.   Too many want to become a clone of someone else. For example, many men try to emulate pimps because they see how pimps control women.   First of all pimps do is manage women, they don’t control them.   Most women who get with a pimp are naturally promiscuous anyway.   All most pimps do is take advantage of the prostitute’s basic nature.   There are plenty of women out there who sell their bodies for money and they don’t have a pimp.   I first learned of that hustle during my childhood.   I also know some former sugar babies.   People really don’t know how deep the sexual underworld goes.   Yet another future blog. My point about pimps is that men try to emulate that which they don’t know about. The books on the market about pimps, even those by pimps, are just the tip of the iceberg.   Ask me how I know.

            When I talk about character that deals more with how some men interact with other people.   The reason most men fail with women is not because they are ugly, or broke, or don’t have game.   Some men are just not likeable.   I was at a wedding reception one time.   I was sitting at the table with a lame ass dude. We’re at a joyous occasion and all this lame dude was doing was complaining about how women don’t like him.   I guess not.   He really wasn’t likeable as a human being.   He wasn’t the type of person I would invite out with a group for some beers.   Many so-called Nice Guys are whiny and obnoxious.   A woman could be turned on physically by a man and still get turned off when he opens his mouth.   Words won’t seduce a woman but they will sure as hell turn her off.   A man needs to work having a positive character.   Nobody wants to be around a negative individual. A man who wants to attract women needs to work on being likeable by women. This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything a woman says.   It means being cool to be around. A man has to get to the point where a woman wants to be around him because it feels good to her. A negative man isn’t going to make a woman feel good.

            I use the character of Dexter Goodbar as an example of a man who gets women based on his physical appearance. A few blogs ago I introduced the character of Jimmy Cool. Jimmy is Dexter’s cousin. Jimmy isn’t fine like Dexter but women love him because he is cool to be around. Let me share another thing about myself. I attracted many women because they liked how I looked physically.   There were other women I got with who looked at me and said, “He aw’ight.” There were a few women who didn’t like me all at when I first met them.    I won these women without trying because they were able to get to know me and considered me to be really cool. For the most part I'm a positive person to be around.   I’m not the type who complains a lot.   If I complain publically about something I usually try to come up with a solution.   See I was a person women liked being around even if I wasn’t having sex with them or spending money on them. I’ve always had a lot of female friends. Ironically I’ve only heard the term “I only see you as a friend” a few times.   Those women who friendzoned me were women I either eventually had sex with or they expressed a desire to do so. All because I stayed cool and kept a positive character.

            This doesn’t need to be too complicated.   Instead of taking the shortcut of game and getting subpar women a man needs to develop his body and his character. The more his body and character is developed the better the quality of women who will try to seduce him.   At the end of the day that’s what it’s all about: a man being the best version of himself and getting the best out of life.

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Why I Don't Teach Game Part 2: Demon Lovers

6/16/2014

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            Most people who want to learn that thing called “game” are motivated by desires for sex and love.   They realize that they are not the most physically attractive person so they want to learn any method they can to improve their sexual value. I get that. Whole industries have developed to help them with that.   For men an example is the seduction industry with books, videos, and seminars.   Quite as its kept women have their own things as well. Most women’s magazines have articles on methods to deal with men. Also you have the cosmetics industry to make a woman look more beautiful than she actually is as well as intimate apparel to make their bodies look tighter.   Also high heel shoes serve no real functional purpose yet women wear them to make their legs and butt look more sexually appealing.   Now that’s game.   Most of the men who attend seminars and the women who shop at lingerie stores are essentially good people who really want love.   In general they don’t have negative intentions towards the opposite sex.    That’s not the case with Demon Lovers.

            There are men and women in our society who are…different from everyone else. Their thinking and outlooks on life are different.   These…people are predators plain and simple.   They are like serial killers in a way. Instead of killing people they kill a person’s spirit. They do so through sexual relationships.   They are the Demon Lovers.   The vampire myths probably arose from people dealing with these entities in ancient cultures.    In his book, The Natural Blueprint for Relationships (Natural Blueprint) Yao Nyamekye Morris devotes a whole chapter to Demon Lovers. He refers to them as “fiends of the sexual underworld.”   He had this to say:

             The fiends of the sexual underworld do not necessarily look like the demons we see in comic books. It is just the opposite. Most often, they are men and women who are above average in the looks department. Many of them look trustworthy and innocent on the surface. They have one thing in common. He or she is skilled at saying the things you want to hear. They may not have a degree in psychology but they are very perceptive in sizing someone up. They have trouble relating to the opposite sex in normal ways, so they compensate by exploiting weaknesses and unfulfilled desires. The men know that most men are not as romantic and sensitive as the typical woman would like. So they learn how to be better at that than the average male. They listen for clues and act on them. These men are very willing to take risks and do what is socially unacceptable if it will please a woman because they have nothing to lose. They are not emotionally invested in the outcome of the relationship. They don’t care about you or what you think about them. But they make you think they care very much.

             The female demon lovers know that most black men do not feel appreciated and respected by the black woman. And the first thing they do is show him how much they respect and appreciate what he is about. They normally dress in a provocative manner and make it clear that fulfilling the man’s sexual desires is a high priority for them. They listen for clues about what the man likes and then are quick to act on them. Those women are very willing to take risks and do what is socially unacceptable if it will please her man. They are not emotionally invested in the outcome of the relationship. They don’t care about you or what you think about them. But they make you think they care very much.

              The Natural Blueprint for Relationships P. 251.

*************

               Even though Natural Blueprint was written for an African American audience, the part about Demon Lovers can be applied to any race or culture.   I’ve met a few white Demon Lovers.

               So what does this have to do with game and why I don’t teach it? For one thing Demon Lovers are the top of the pyramid as far as “game.” You’re talking the ultimate manipulators. Even Pimps have nothing on Demon Lovers. What dating coaches and seduction gurus teach is a pathetic joke next to what a Demon Lover can do.   You’re talking about people that will consciously destroy a person’s life for no other reason than their own amusement.   There are the men playing mind games with women for no other reason than to pass the time.   You have women are stealing another woman’s loving husband for no other reason than that she can.   Those are the “nicer” Demon Lovers.   Some Demon Lovers are literally weapons of mass destruction. I’m not exaggerating.

               Every now and then there is a story in the media about a person intentionally infecting a large number of people with a sexually transmitted disease such as HIV.   Think about it, a single man or woman has unprotected sex with several hundred people and infects them with HIV.   Those men and women go out and get into relationships or have sexual encounters, thus spreading HIV to several thousand more people.   Many will die or at the very least get very sick and may get financially ruined paying medical expenses.   That’s a weapon of war right there.   A single Demon Lover can literally destroy whole communities.

              Stop and think about it.

              Now what is my connection to Demon Lovers? Remember in part 1 of this blog series I said I spent a part of my childhood in a dysfunctional environment. It wasn’t just my home but pretty much a mile radius around my house. There were folks around there who made the characters on The Wire look like the law-abiding citizens.   My mother’s “friends” were one thing. My own were another.   So I’m hanging around other kids my age and to say they were “interesting” is an understatement. There was one friend I’ll call Zeke. Zeke had the pretty boy thing going as well as being a true thug.   The little girls loved him enough to engage in an eight year-old’s approximation of sex.   Zeke kept me on my toes because he would manipulate anyone around him without remorse.   He was fairly sociopathic. Last I heard about Zeke he was serving time for premeditated murder. Another kid I’ll call Bo used to suck older boy’s dicks but chased little girls as well. Bo had a big crush on my sister.   He probably grew up to be a DL brotha.   Another kid I’ll call Dan was just nasty. Every conversation with him involved sex.   He probably grew up to be pimp or a porn actor.   As far as myself, I’ll put it like this, my street name was “Romeo.”   At my house, some of my mother’s WOMAN friends did things like walk around in their underwear and at least one always wanted to “hug” me. That’s all I care to say about that.   My point is that looking back I was exposed to Demon Lovers at a very young age.

          I also took on many of their traits.

          When people used to ask me to teach them how to be a dog they didn’t do so because I was some smooth player who brought a smile to woman’s faces and could be a fun date.   I was a straight up dog.   Love them and leave them wasn’t a tactic for me. It was just how I rolled.   It didn’t bother my conscience at all because MOST of these women had boyfriends or at least good guys who were interested in them.   I wasn’t going to get emotionally invested in a woman cheating on a man who obviously loved her.   If the woman got her heart broken because I didn’t return her phone call so be it. She had a man, cry on his shoulders.   Quite frankly I roll my eyes when women complain about men cheating.   Women do it more and are way better at it. See a woman will cheat within the rhythm of her daily activities.   There’s a certain period of time when her man thinks she’s doing one thing when she may be with someone in a hotel room.    A woman can send her man off to work, invite her 16 year-old neighbor over to the house, suck the young boy’s dick, and then have her husband’s dinner on the table when he gets home. She may even have sex with her husband that night.   The man is oblivious to his wife’s cheating because she’s submissive, she cooks, and gives him regular sex.   He thinks he’s running things.   Yeah right.

           As far as myself I was like Blade. I had all the Demon Lover powers but none of their weaknesses. I wasn’t the villain of the story. More like the morally ambiguous anti-hero of the story.   Another unique aspect of my childhood was that I used to read the Bible a lot. Could have been a child preacher. My mother before her nervous breakdown used to open our home to some of the local kids to teach them the Bible. That’s how I made some of my first friends.   My mother’s spiritual nature was unique in itself. She read the Bible but she also read New Thought material such as Norman Vincent Peale and Rev. Ike.   Many things people are talking about now she was talking about then.   She even got money for praying for people.   My home environment was sexualized and spiritual at the same time.   Plus if someone actually reads the Bible there were some players up in there.   King David set up his boy to get killed just to get at his wife. King Solomon (whom my mother compared me to) had 700 wives. Shoot, getting with multiple women was sanctioned by God as far as I was concerned. I say all that to say I had some type of moral compass to keep from going totally to the dark side.   Don’t get it twisted though there were times that had nothing to do with women where I did cross the line.   Y’all might not hear those stories.

          Now the average Demon Lover grew up in an environment where there wasn’t any type of moral compass.   See, religion is more than just a way to worship a person’s vision of God.   In this culture religion is a behavior control system.   Specifically most religions serve to control a person’s sexual nature.   If you pay attention to very religious people, particularly women in Protestant churches, you will notice that they typically dress in a way which deflects attention away from their bodies. When a man looks at them his first thought isn’t going to be, “I want to bang her.”   Her clothing and body language will not arouse him even if she is otherwise beautiful with a voluptuous body.   If the same woman was wearing a short dress and heels he would likely get a massive hard-on.   Now you raise a child in a non-religious environment with few other restrictions, they will not do anything to limit their natural sex appeal. Indeed they will dress in a way to magnify their body. Girls from dysfunctional homes typically dress in sexually provocative clothing even in instances where more conservative clothing would be appropriate.

          So you have a child in a dysfunctional environment who isn’t taught to suppress their sexual nature.   Let’s add some more ingredients to this mix.   You have a kid who has very good physical genetics.   The boys will grow up to have a tall muscular body while the girls will grow up to have a shapely body with optimal contrasts between the breasts, waist, and hips.   Add to this above average facial features.   On these factors alone the kids will grow to attract multiple mates.   There’s still more to add to the mix.   A Demon Lover has above average, even genius level social intelligence. Most IQ tests only test a person’s linguistic and mathematic ability.   It’s hard to test a person’s social genius or street smarts.   Indeed if there were such a test the Demon Lover would purposely underperform on it. Demon Lovers really aren’t normal. Yet they will make an effort to appear normal.   Looking normal is how Demon Lovers get over.

        When people think of players, there’s an image of men in flashy clothes, with tattoos and loud talking being the center of attention. With women it’s the image of someone wearing sexually provocative clothing. Demon Lovers are smart enough to look clean cut and innocent.   A male Demon Lover is likely to look like he is a church going nerd if it works for him. A female Demon Lover may look like a “goody goody girl” if it works for her.   I had an acquaintance who was bragging about his new girlfriend.   She was just perfect for him in his eyes. I met her and I knew something was up. She was very beautiful and very innocent looking. I caught something in her eyes though for a brief second.   I started to take the acquaintance to the side but he was so enamored with her he wouldn’t have received what I said. A few months I saw him again and found she stole money and personal items from him. Nothing is safe with a Demon Lover. Many a bank account has been emptied behind one.

         One thing sometimes people will see a Demon Lover in action and not know what they’re seeing. Men will see a bunch of women hovering around a Demon Lover and foolishly try to emulate what they see.   They think they can be a jerk and insult a woman and she will sleep with him.   Really it’s not the behavior itself that’s turning on a woman.   The woman is tolerating the behavior because the man is fulfilling some other need the woman has. One major need is sex. Women want to sleep with a sexy man period.   Also the Demon Lover picked up on the psychological need which he at least pretends to fill.   Notice I said pretends.   The Demon Lover exploits the needs for his own ends, which could be money or simply a place to stay. He might just want some ass and nothing else.   He might want the challenge of turning out a church girl.   A female Demon Lover may want to change her living situation.   A sexy woman can change her social class and financial situation by simply pussy whipping a rich man.   Many men can make money but lack common sense.   A female Demon Lover will stroke his dick and his ego and all of sudden she has a nice home and money.

          This is serious stuff. Many men out here want to learn game because they think with game they can go from a man who doesn’t get the time of day to becoming a player. Seriously if a man isn’t getting attention from women he has bigger problems he needs to deal with. Learning some dubious techniques won’t help him. The knowledge I have is dangerous.   Say hypothetically I give the knowledge to a bitter man.   That man isn’t going to go out and get into a functional relationship.   He’s not going to be loving towards women.   He’s going out for revenge. He’s going to take out all those years of frustration on some women who did nothing to him.   Many women now are catching hell now from men who didn’t get sex regularly when they were young.   Let me share something with you. All Demon Lovers don’t come from dysfunctional backgrounds.   There are a few men and women who develop the traits later in life. Let me use an example.

            You have a man named Fred.   Fred grew up in a home with both parents in a middle class neighborhood. Now Fred is slim and nerdy. He was never the type who went to parties or played sports. The girls in high school and college weren’t checking for him.   He gets a good career out of college and gradually makes enough money to get a house and late model car.   He has everything except the girl. So he starts checking out seduction material.   He improves a little bit because he is given rudimentary game. He’s instructed to approach several women a day and he has brief sexual encounters with a few women who are quite frankly unattractive and easy.   Fred is still frustrated until he runs into Dexter Goodbar and his cousins, Jimmy Cool and Damon Lover. He sees them in action at a club and offers them money to teach him. Dexter and Jimmy decline. Damon though agrees to teach him.   Damon blows Fred’s mind. Damon tells him some things that he can’t hear in a seduction seminar or find on the internet. Over the period of a year Fred is transformed but not in a good way.   Fred is able to get better women but because he learned from a Demon Lover he starts dogging them. See the thing that Fred didn’t deal with was his bitterness.   Fred made it his mission in life to dog as many women as possible because of numerous past rejections. Fred the Nice Guy closed his eyes, Fred the Demon Lover opened them.

          There’s too many Fred’s out there.   Too many men who allowed their spirits to be consumed by bitterness. When many men asked me to teach them how to be dogs they didn’t have good intentions.   These men would have been dangerous to women and I couldn’t be responsible for any damage caused. Now this is not to say that I won’t give insights. I mentioned “Roger” in the “Do The Work” blog.   I tell him whatever he wants to know. Why? He has a genuine love for women.   A love he likes to share with several women at the same time but still a love.   I’ll never put what I know in a book.   The knowledge I give in my books will increase the number of women a man can attract.   It requires work though in such a way that will enable a man to deal with his bitterness and other issues preventing him from attracting women.   Until a man deals with his personal demons he can’t be allowed access to the deeper knowledge.

          I’m going to do a part 3 to this series.   I’m going to talk about how man can attract women without using game.

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Why I Don't Teach Game Part 1

6/14/2014

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            For years before I even thought about writing relationship books, men and surprisingly many women would say to me, “Rom teach me how to be a dog.”   I didn’t know whether to be flattered or insulted.   After the umpteenth person asked me for advice, I wrote a pamphlet for the ladies called, “Finding a Good Man.”   A couple of years later I wrote a pamphlet called “Nice Guys Guide: Meeting and Attracting Beautiful Women.” The Nice Guys Guide eventually evolved into Nice Guys and Players – Becoming the Man Women Want.   In Nice Guys and Players (NGAP) I gave advice to men on how to transform themselves into the type of man that women GENERALLY find attractive.   I didn’t tell a man how to become a player. A careful reading of NGAP will show that I actually discourage men from becoming players. I’m a big advocate of sexual discipline especially for men classified as Mr. Goodbars.   Specifically I don’t teach game.

            Now there have been numerous definitions of that thing called “game.” Everything from having basic common sense to straight up manipulation has been called “game.”   My definition of game is simply tactics a person uses in sexual seduction.   Seduction itself means to “lead astray.” In other words getting someone to do something they wouldn’t normally do.   I don’t even teach seduction to close friends. At best I may teach my sons some things if I see they have trouble with women. I doubt they will though because little girls been scheming on them since they could walk.   With my youngest before he could walk.   I fathered a couple of Pretty Rickys. I will definitely teach them about the pregnancy game girls run.   But I digress.

            Now I’m going to get a little personal in this blog. Part of it is therapeutic to deal with my own demons and part of it is that I want people to understand the importance of functional relationships. I want people to understand why I keep certain information to myself.   There are many books, magazine articles, dating coaches, and seduction gurus who teach what they call game.   99 percent of the information presented is rudimentary and from my perspective laughable.   People follow this advice and then wonder their relationships are still jacked up. Many people find that their relationships actually become worse.   That’s because many of the so-called experts have little practical insight into the human psyche even in cases where they have professional credentials.   Many of these professionals either have problems finding mates or have dysfunctional relationships.

            Now there are two basic reasons why I don’t teach game.   The first is that on many levels it would be a con job for me to do so.   As I mentioned people used to ask me to teach them how to be a dog.   Now I could write a book on how to be a dog.   I could do videos. I could rent out hotel ballrooms and charge several hundred dollars per head.   I could make a lot of money. It would all be some bullshit.   Say I did a seminar and 1000 men attended. Out of those 1000 men maybe 3 would get anything out of the seminar.   The only reason they would get something is that they were already there anyway. In other words I would only be confirming what they already knew anyway.   The men who get the most out of NGAP are the Pretty Boys, Street Cats, and Thorough Dudes. They get the most because I’m confirming what they already know. NGAP is written from a Goodbar’s perspective.   Nice Guys have been and are the harshest critics of the book. The few Nice Guys who learned from my book had some Goodbar in them that had to be brought to the surface.

            Another reason I say it would be a con job for me to teach game has to do with how I got women.   Most of it has to do with physical appearance.   There are many dating coaches who loudly proclaim that looks don’t matter. A few will say that looks matter but not as much as game.   Both camps are whack. Physical appearance is more than half the battle. Personally I would rate it as 60 - 75 percent of the equation.   That’s not a scientific statement, just a personal observation.   Now when people were asking me to teach them some things they did so because in their eyes I seemed to have an easy time attracting women.   Truth be told some women I’ve had sex with have asked me to teach them some things.   Thing is I didn’t tell them anything. The reason I got and still get the attention I do is because of my physical appearance.   I’m a 5’11”, 210 pound, buffed, chocolate Black man. I’ve always received compliments on my body. I have never been called fine. I’ve been called cute at best.   Women really like my eyes though. I get stares and hellos from random women, including teenaged girls when I’m out in public.

            As a result of my physical appearance I appealed to a wide variety of women from around the world.   For example I appeal to many women from West Africa and the Caribbean. I know a young lady from Nigeria who affectionately refers to me as “Ibo-Man” because to her I look like a member of the Ibo ethnic group.   I also appeal to Asian women mainly because of my eye shape which is almond. There’s a deeper science there which I may get into with another blog. See my grandmother was nicknamed “China Girl” when she was young and maybe a quarter of her descendants look Blasian (Black and Asian). My youngest son when his head is shaved can pass for a Tibetan child. A little known and unexplored aspect of African-American history is that when Chinese workers came to America in the 19th century to help build the railroads they were primarily men. In many cases these Chinese men married and had children with Black women. It is a phenomenon that’s happening in Africa right now. But once again I digress.

            Now there is also a class aspect to the physical appearance piece.   Not only did I use my genetic physical appearance to attract women but I enhanced it with the clothes I wore.   Now I’m an entrepreneur with a modest day job to keep basic bills paid.   Back in the day, I was a professional with two degrees. I looked and lived the part.   Plus I wore glasses on a more regular basis back then.    I was an educated Black man with nice eyes and buffed body.   As result I was able to cast a big net attracting not only educated African American women but upper middle class white women and a few middle class Latinas.   That’s why I call bullshit when Black men get on social media and complain about Black women chasing thugs. Some do but they tend to be crazy and lower class.   The African American women I attracted were primarily AKAs and Deltas, who wouldn’t give a thug the time of day. Based on nothing but physical appearance.

            For someone to attract the way I did, they would need to have my same physical package as well as the financial ability to enhance that package with stylish clothing as well as my educational background. Now someone can improve where they are. Quite frankly though the average man will never be able to attract a great number of women. At best most men will be fortunate to find that one special woman who finds them attractive and interesting enough to pursue a relationship.

            The physical piece is one thing. The second reason I don’t teach game is because game, no matter how someone tries to frame it, is nothing but psychological manipulation.   I’ve had some reviews of NGAP which called the information basic. I even had one idiot say to me, “I don’t think you know how to get girls.”   I just laughed and told him that if he really knew how to get girls better than me he wouldn’t have had to buy my book in the first place.   I could tell by the look on his face that I rocked his world with that comment.   Anyway I don’t teach psychological manipulation because of the circumstances of how I learned the game. In the past I have said that I learned the game from sex workers and street cats as a teenager and young adult.   I told some half-truths because I learned the game during a period of my life I don’t like talking about with close friends, women I’ve been intimate with, or even family members.

            From the age of six until I was ten I lived in the Anacostia section of Washington, DC. I lived with my mother and sister and our financial situation was unique.   Though we lived in a house owned by my Grandmother, we received welfare.   The situation was unique in that while my immediate family was poor, my extended family including my Grandmother were more upper middle class. My Grandmother owned several properties while my Grandaunt owned a beach home. My Uncle owned horses. As a 4 year old I had a pony named Hacksaw because he had extra-long hoofs that had to be cut.   On one hand I saw and lived the best of life. On the other hand I saw it at its worse.

            I was six or seven years old when my mother had a nervous breakdown.   She already had mental health issues and I have a memory of her being institutionalized briefly when I was two years old in California. My sister and I stayed in some type of group home while our mother was in the hospital. I specifically remember trying to look out for my sister because though she was older she was labeled mentally retarded.   Looking back she was likely autistic but this was during the sixties when autism awareness didn’t exist.   Imagine a two year old trying to look out for anybody other than himself. Yeah. Anyway when my mother had that nervous breakdown, my childhood effectively ended. From that time forward I had to think like adult.   To get a perspective on this check out this website.   Now I was a smart kid at that time, even considered gifted by some teachers.   At seven I was teaching myself Spanish and I read at a high school level. I was book smart but I had to become street smart.

            Life got interesting after my mother’s breakdown.    A mentally ill person living in the midst of an underclass population is a terrible combination.   Before her nervous breakdown my mother had fairly functional friends and associates. I emphasize the words “fairly functional” as most of her friends were other mental patients from a well-known mental institution in DC called St. Elizabeth’s which was near our home.   They were actually cool though eccentric.    They probably wouldn’t be institutionalized under today’s standards but would likely be members of some fringe subculture featured on a reality show. After my mother’s breakdown her associates were members of the criminal underclass.   These were the type of men and women who lived off of petty crimes and hustles.   And apparently they saw an easy mark in my mother because she pretty much opened the house to these individuals.   It got to the point that they came and went like they lived there. My mother would just sit at a table and laugh with her invisible friends.   Eventually it got to the point where the local Child Protective Agency had to remove me and my sister from the home.   We were placed in my Grandmother’s custody and were technically her foster children.

            Now what does this have to do with game?   First of all, I was living among the underclass. Underclass folk regardless of race tend to pay attention to everything especially people.   You have to pay attention to little things when you’re around people who could potentially harm you.     I witnessed a couple of stabbings.   There were some sexual predators around there I needed to know how to avoid.    An older man had grabbed me one time. Fortunately a kick to his balls took care of that. So I was developing a very good ability to read people.   I’ve mentioned reading people before in print but I wasn’t forthcoming in how I developed the ability. So on one aspect I learned how to see past a person’s masks.   Women have commented that I have piercing eyes.   Now you know why.

            Seeing a person’s emotional state is one thing. Manipulating it was another thing.   That education came from some of my mother’s “friends.”   My mother was very stunning despite her issues. In the late fifties before I was born she worked as a model at a local department store in DC.   Think about it, a Black woman who got paid to be a model in the late fifties. She actually had plans to open a modeling school.   So with her looks she had zero problems attracting men.   Unfortunately the men were lowlifes except for a couple before her breakdown. One I’ll call Ben lived with us for a few months.   He was pretty cool.   His other women caused some drama with my mother though and she kicked him out.   Then she dealt with this man I’ll call Carl. Imagine a heterosexual Omar Little from The Wire and you had Carl.   He would take me out with him sometimes and talk to me about life. Carl was a street soldier. He lived by a code. Learned a lot from him.   After Carl my mother only dealt with lowlifes who weren’t worth remembering.

            I really learned a lot about manipulation from my mother’s women friends.   Let me school the reader for a second. In my blogs I often mention “street cats.”   The assumption may be that I’m talking about men.   Most of the street cats I knew were women.   If you look at a Lion’s Pride, the male lion is lazy. He just eats, sleeps, and fucks. Every now then he might fight some hyenas. In a Lion’s Pride it’s the females that hunt for the food.   In human society many players and hustlers aren’t men.   There’s a whole lot of women who are getting money, cars, and even houses out of men.   These are the type of women who REALLY know how to manipulate people.   When it came to the women who crashed at the house they gave me deep insight into a woman’s nature.   One of the women was a butch lesbian who interestingly enough would get with men every now and then. I know because I walked in on her and a man having sex. The woman who I’ll call Sheryl used to just sit and talk with me sometimes.   Now I was cool with Sheryl.  She actually had a maternal spirit underneath her tough exterior. One of the lowlife men who came around looked at me and my sister a little too intently.   I told Sheryl, she looked at me and said, “I deal with it Rommy.”   I don’t know what she did but I do know the lowlife didn’t come around anymore. For that reason I never say or write anything negative about butch lesbians.

            Now don’t get it twisted, Sheryl and her friends were no strangers to the criminal justice system as I was informed when the police were removing us from the home.   They were predators, pure and simple.   These people preyed on weakness.   They knew how to push anyone’s buttons.   For whatever reason they gave me insights to do the same.   Now I could teach people to do the same but for what? To create even more dysfunction?   I’m working to create positive relationships.   I can make it easier for someone to get into a functional relationship. I will tell a person to work on their physical presentation.   I will tell them to work on parts of their personality to make them more emotionally compatible with someone. I won’t tell them how to game someone.

            The only thing I will do with regard to game is tell someone who I feel is receptive to my insight is how to avoid getting played. There was a lady I knew I’ll call Evelyn. Now Evelyn was married and very classy.   She had that Michelle Obama type of vibe.   I saw her at an event and we talked for a few minutes.   Just small talk between acquaintances.   Keep in mind I didn’t know her that well.   As I was about to walk away I said to her, “Evelyn be careful now cause you’re a good woman but right now you’re very likely to cheat on your husband.” She looked at me for a second and said, “You’re right Rom. Here’s why you’re right.” We then spent the next hour talking about issues she was having in her marriage.   Keep in mind that she said NOTHING in our brief initial conversation that gave an indication about marital problems.   I just read her body language.

            One other issue is that most people don’t want to listen anyway.   They have an image of a street cat or a player and since I don’t look like either one they think I’m just some square dude like they are. I’m basically clean cut, with no earrings or tattoos.   Let me actually share some game with y’all.   All these cats who tattoo themselves and want to be about that life are stupid.    One thing I learned in when I was around the street cats when I was little was how not to draw unnecessary attention to myself.    One way law enforcement tracks people is by their tattoos.   That’s like a fucking brand.   If the police are looking for somebody and they know the person has say a star tattoo on their neck all they have to do is go around and say, “Have you seen someone with a star tattoo on their neck?”   Someone will have seen that person and give them up especially if there is a reward.    I learned how not to draw attention to myself.   I didn’t just learn from my mother’s “friends.”   There were some thorough cats in the neighborhood.   One dude I’ll call Kevin was like a ghetto Ninja. That brotha could hide in plain sight and could shake anybody trying to follow him. There’s another cat I keep up with from that neighborhood I’ll call Cedric. Ironically I didn’t know him then. His sister was my classmate in elementary school and we used to hold hands on class trips as travel buddies. Cedric is one of those dudes that would scare Jack Bauer. Good thing I never disrespected his sister. You know I might need to write a book about my time in Anacostia.

            There’s so much more I need to say about why I don’t teach game.   This blog is just part 1. I’m going have to come with a part 2.   I’m going have to tell y’all about the Demon Lovers.

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That Cool Dude

6/8/2014

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           There are different types of players out there. Different groups of men use different methods to effectively attract and seduce women.   The most obvious ones use looks and status.    You have the Dexter Goodbars of the world who use raw sex appeal to get women.   That never fails. Works a little too well. Ask me how I know.   Then you have the Eric Money’s of the world. Oh wait I haven’t told you about Eric Money have I?   Eric Money is that successful cat who had to work his way to the top. He wasn’t born with good genetics like Dexter. Eric had to work hard to keep his body tight and his grooming on point.   Eric had to develop the confidence that comes from a man succeeding in life.   He also needs to have that status with the professional career (doctor, lawyer, accountant) with a big house/condo in an exclusive neighborhood with the latest model luxury car.   Eric can turn on women enough sexually and can take care of her material needs. Eric Money is the man women want for the long term. I’m going have Eric do a guest blog soon.

          Then you got Larry Gamer.   Larry gets the least amount of play from women even though he thinks he gets the most. After all he has attended numerous seminars on how to pick up women, and he reads all the books.   On top of that he is on several websites and social media pages soaking up game.   Larry isn’t a pretty boy like Dexter and can’t afford one thousand dollar tailored suits like Eric.   Larry just got his game. So he goes and hits on every reasonably attractive woman he sees, young and old for a couple of weeks until he runs into Jane Basic who is inexperienced with men but still isn’t inclined to give up the goodies to anybody other than Dexter or Eric.   Larry’s decent enough though so she lets him slob her down and suck her breasts. Of course Larry gets on a player website and makes it seem like Jane fucked him like a porn star.

         Of course, I don’t have to say too much about Charlie Nice. He could give a guided tour of the friend zone.   Being nice is Charlie’s game though. He believes what women say publically and in the media about what they want in a man.   Now many men think these women are lying publically. They’re not. The message is just not meant for the Larry Gamers and the Charlie Nices of the world.   When women say they want “nice guys” they want Dexter and Eric to give them some attention. Dexter’s too busy looking at the tattoos on a woman’s back and Eric is taking another vacation in Brazil.

          See there’s another cat out there I haven’t talk about.   There’s some outliers in the male population.   One of them is Jimmy Cool.   See Jimmy ain’t fine like Dexter.   He ain’t bone ugly either. He alright. A woman will hold his hand walking down the street and introduce him to Big Mama.   He doesn’t have Eric’s status and money.   He keeps a steady job though.   He can keep his rent and car note paid.   He doesn’t run game like Larry. Jimmy got better things to do than chase women who don’t want him all day.   Jimmy has never really seen the inside of the friend zone like Charlie. If a woman is his friend, she’s his friend.   There’s no ulterior motive on Jimmy’s part. Once Jimmy sees a woman as a friend she becomes like a sister to him and he doesn’t have any sexual desire for her.   At the same time even if a woman doesn’t see him as a romantic partner she never friend zones him because by Jimmy’s nature the potential is always there for more. So what’s Jimmy’s secret? He’s just a cool ass dude.

         Let me be raw about it. Too many of you bamas out here are too pressed for pussy.   Men are stressing the hell out of women.   Seriously, nothing gets on a woman’s nerves more than a man who’s in her face and she doesn’t want him.   Now most women will try to be polite about it and let the man know in different ways that she isn’t interested.   Some men think they are doing something by being persistent anyway. Usually the Larry Gamer types.   See Jimmy is Dexter’s cousin.   He knows that when a woman chooses a man she will find a way to let him know.   So Jimmy sits backs and do what he do.   If she chooses he decides whether he wants to choose her back and they go from there.

         That’s the thing about a woman’s choice, a man can try to influence it by hitting the gym, making some money, or running some game. Ultimately though it’s the woman choice though.   A man can’t control the woman but he can control himself.   A cool dude isn’t going to stress because a woman isn’t sexually interested in him.   That's life. A cool dude knows that every woman isn’t going to want him. He just moves on. If the woman is good peoples he may allow a friendship to develop. If not, whatever.   They go live their lives.

          Being cool is not about wearing the latest fashions, and knowing the latest slang.   Being cool is simply about at peace with a particular situation. Being cool is about being calm within yourself. A wise person knows not to take anything personally. In martial traditions, the warrior is taught how to stay calm in the midst of battle. By staying calm he can gain victory.   It’s the same thing with men pursuing women.   Too many men get upset when a woman rejects them and go through all sorts of emotional turmoil.   The cool dude is like whatever.

          Let me school you for a second about rejection. Rejection is a beautiful thing.   A woman will tell a man where he stands as a man right away. The smart man learns from rejection.   Personally I have grown more from women who have rejected me than women who have cooperated with me.   When a woman rejects a man she is telling her truth. The man may not agree with it but it’s her truth.   She is a mirror showing him who he is and what he needs to work on.   I mentioned in a previous blog that a woman rejected me for sex because of my weight.   Now what if she had sex with me anyway which women will sometimes do even if they are not attracted to the man?   I wouldn’t have thought about losing the weight, I wouldn’t have attracted the very sexy women I would later get, I wouldn’t have my sons bothering me right now about getting on the computer while I’m typing this, and I wouldn’t have the impact I’ve had on people’s lives with my books.   I accomplished a lot because I was cool with a rejection.

        On another tip Women are simply attracted to cool men. The average woman has a lot of emotional turmoil.   Very often they will gravitate towards that man who radiates a cool, calm energy. That man they can just “chill” with.   Now say a man doesn’t have looks, money, or game. By cultivating that cool vibe he can draw women to him like a magnet.   Say you have a woman, Vanessa Brickhouse. She has a beautiful face, and that thick/slim type of body where she is at that middle point between fat and slim.   She can’t walk down the street in peace. She can’t even relax at a family gathering because Uncle Junior is always trying to feel her up. Vanessa don’t have too many female friends. Women don’t want the competition and some of her attached friends don’t want her around their boyfriends/husbands.   She spends a lot of time by herself.   So Vanessa’s in a grocery store wearing sweats and a baseball cap when she notices Jimmy Cool going through the kale greens.   Jimmy glances her way and goes back to picking out greens for his Grandmother.   He then leaves the section.   Vanessa sees him in a couple of sections and he still ignores her.

          Finally, she sees him in the ice cream section and she acts like she’s looking for the same thing. They strike up a conversation.   Vanessa notes that Jimmy isn’t coming on strong to her, he’s calm and controlled.   She does feel sexual heat from him because she sees his print. No heterosexual man is THAT damn cool. Vanessa even in sweats got a phat ass. Despite that Jimmy is very respectful by keeping his eyes on her face.   They talk, they vibe, and they decide to meet at a coffee shop later.   Later at the coffee shop they vibe so much that they decide to continue the conversation at her place. From the living room they make it to the bedroom.

           Now what did Jimmy do? By being cool he allowed Vanessa to get comfortable in his presence. The average woman is defensive and unable to relax with men. That’s because the average man is trying so hard to get in a woman’s panties that she can’t let down her guard.   In order to truly sexually arouse a woman a man has to let her be free in his presence.   In this society we force women to wear masks to cover their sexual faces.   The man has to be cool and calm to the point where a woman feels safe in taking off her mask.   A man has to not only be cool within himself but cool with a woman’s sexual nature.   Most men are judgmental. They want a woman who can fuck them like a porn star but then call her a slut when she actually does so.   That’s not cool. Let me tell you something about me. I know what I know about women because I don’t judge them sexually.   Women will tell me everything once they see how cool I am.   There are a bunch of cats out here who call themselves “Red Pill” who think they know the real deal with women.   They don’t.   They see PARTS of the reality but not the big picture.   The big picture would cause a lot of men to commit suicide. The shit is cold-blooded when you really see it.   That’s all I say about that.

           Anyway if you a man and you know you’re not 6’2” with pretty eyes and an eight pack. You don’t have that six figure job and loft condo in an exclusive neighborhood.   You don’t have tactics and techniques which may give you a fighting chance.   That’s okay. Learn to be cool with women.   You might not ignite that instant spark but sometimes that slow building fire is just as good, even better.

           Alright y’all be cool.

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Power

6/4/2014

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            This past weekend I watched the preview episode for a new series coming on the Starz channel this Saturday, June 7 at 9 pm, Power.   This show is executive produced by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson.   Power stars Omari Hardwick as night club owner James “Ghost” St. Patrick.   St. Patrick is also the kingpin of a drug organization.   I usually don’t get into crime dramas but I will be watching this show every Saturday night.     The main character, James St. Patrick, represents the essence of what I write about in my books.   No I don’t encourage men to be drug dealers but St. Patrick has the traits that women find attractive in a man.

            St. Patrick showed himself to be a loving husband, father, and businessman.   He has a muscular build and I guarantee women will become fans of the show just to catch sex scenes.   He showed a depth of character as he questioned his decisions and direction of life. Finally he was absolutely ruthless in dealing with a threat to his organization.   He is a very complex individual.   He is the Nice Guys and Players (NGAP) philosophy personified.

            My books, Nice Guys and Players, Sexual Chemistry, and Meeting Attractive Women are not the same as pick-up manuals or even more mainstream dating books.   In fact, the biggest criticism of my books was that they didn’t provide any techniques.   The critics missed the point. Too many men want tricks and techniques for meeting and having sex with different women.   That is not the NGAP philosophy. Instead of PRETENDING to be the man that women want BECOME the man women want.   Ultimately it is about becoming a MAN OF POWER.

            The basic premise of the NGAP philosophy is that women don’t quite want the nice guy. He’s not sexually appealing, he’s like a brother, and he’s just a friend.    There are however occasions where the nice guy becomes desirable such as when women are older and wiser and can appreciate the nice guy’s traits. Also quiet as it is kept there is a minority of young women who prefer nice guys. The nice guy isn’t a total loser, as he brings needed traits to a relationship.

            Women don’t quite want the player either. Yes indeed they will have sex with the players. Some women will go from player to player.   Very few women, however, see the player as a long term relationship candidate.   In fact, many women will avoid being seen publically with a player.   Yes the player is good for sex but he brings little else to the table otherwise.

            The ultimate man for a woman is a man who combines the best qualities of a nice guy and a player. As one woman said to me, “a nice player.”   Now that may sound like a contradiction.   The general thought is that a man can be either nice guy or a player but not both.   There is a lot of talk on social media, websites, and blogs about the alpha male vs. the beta male.   One statement to this is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.”   It is felt by many that the alpha males get the women pregnant and then women is then provided for by the beta males.   Strong arguments for this. I won’t attempt to refute the arguments.   My viewpoint is different.   Who says a man can’t be both?   Why not be the man who gets the sex, fathers the baby, and still be the daddy to the baby and husband to the mother?

            I don’t write about theories in my books.   I write what I know.   I KNOW it’s possible to be both the nice guy and the player cause that’s me. That’s the men who mentored me growing up.   That’s the boys I grew up around.   I came of age in the seventies and eighties.   At least where I grew up in some of the worst and best parts of Washington DC if you were a male there were certain expectations that had to be met if you wanted to live a relatively peaceful existence.   One you had to be able to hold your own in a street fight. Even if you got your ass kicked as long you fought back you were accepted. You had to be at least decent at some sport.   You had to be able to talk to girls. Overall my peers and I had to have some level of cool.   Now here’s a little tidbit about me. In high school I was called a “Cool Bama.”   One reason was that I would purposely wear high water pants to show off the expensive Polo socks I used to rock.   Hey I paid a lot of money for them. People were going to see them.   Also I had nerdy interests. I was considered cool though because I played sports, stared in some school plays, didn’t have a problem throwing hands, and I always knew where the happening parties were.   Plus I was very good at meeting women.   I went to an all-boys high school. If I met a girl on the street or at a party I HAD to get her phone number on the spot.   I was an expert at day and night game as a 16-year old in 1981 decades before the term PUA was ever uttered.

            My point in sharing that tidbit about myself was that I couldn’t be just one way.   It wasn’t something I consciously thought about. It was just life and how things were.   Nowadays people try to separate the two. Always an either/or. That’s not realistic. All people have two sides. We all have a duality.   What has happened in Western culture is that people try to be either one or the other.   Using the example of what I talked about in past blogs about social faces and sexual faces, people try to be one and suppress the other.   Most people only show their social face and try to bury their sexual face. As a result they become sexually repressed which leads to a whole slew of problems. The biggest problem is that they have trouble sexually arousing a member of the opposite sex.   Some people show their sexual face freely but in many cases have trouble in social situations where more reserved behavior is necessary such as on jobs or other public venues.   To succeed in life a person needs to be balanced between their social face and sexual face.

            If one were to be close to the men who get both the most sex and the best women one will see that these men are close to being balanced between their two faces.    They will see that these men may be thuggish or at least have that edge in their persona.   I’ve dealt with some dangerous individuals because of the lifestyle I used to live.   These men were definite players as they either had multiple women or one extremely beautiful and sexy woman.   They were also very gentle around women and children.   I knew one particularly dangerous man whose baby girl had him wrapped around her chubby little fingers. They were also good people who knew something about loyalty and honor.   Their personality traits seemed like contradictions but were really complimentary and made them who they were.

            With regard to women they were men who could satisfy women not only sexually but could take care of the social aspects of the relationship as well.

            So what does all this have to do with power?   To meet the challenges in life a man has to be many things.   Too many men get stuck in a box.   Now as long as life fits into that box everything is gravy.   Life by its very nature does not accommodate us in this manner.   Life challenges a man to grow and develop new skills in order to meet challenges.   Every time a man can meet a challenge he develop a power.   For example, say a man is unemployed and undereducated. He is a low level street hustler. He could get a regular job if he takes classes at a training institute.   He did poorly in school though and ended up dropping out.   In order to succeed at this training institute he has to develop the discipline to study, to concentrate and to walk away from negative elements in his life.   If he develops these skills he gets the reward of a career and a chance at a better life. At the same time he still has the skills he developed while “being bout that life.”   Those street skills can help him in his career because he learned how to read people real well and thus no one can take advantage of him. That’s power.

            The NGAP philosophy is about developing the power to move through life with authority. I have an inner circle of followers from when I published my first book back in 2000.   The things they are doing is phenomenal.   They not only have women trying to get at them but these men are building businesses and living their purpose in life.   They are able to be the nice guy when the occasion calls for it. They are able to be the player when they need to tap that ass.   They can handle themselves with CEO’s of major companies. They can get gully in a back alley.

            In the end it’s not about how many women one can get or even how much money someone can make.   It’s about having the power to stand up as a man and move through life.

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Goodbar Speaks

6/1/2014

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I have a guest blogger this week. The infamous Dexter Goodbar.   Just to let you know there is explicit language. Don't say I didn't warn you. - Rom Wills

*****************
            Yeah,

            So my big homie Rom asked me to write a guest blog for him this week.   I see he’s been telling people about me so he guessed y’all need me to lace you with game from the man himself.   I had to think about what I wanted to write about. Since Rom telling y’all about all these women throwing themselves at me I thought I would talk about that. He tried to get that playa Roger to do it. Roger though didn’t have a break in the rotation of his women. Roger said God put him on Earth to make women holler.   He couldn’t write the blog because he’s too busy doing the Lord’s work. Praise him! And back that thing up!

            I’m getting older, I do the Lord’s work too but I rest on Sundays so here I am.

            You know what, bamas out here too damn pressed for women.   You got these men out here chasing women, simping and whatnot.   They got this dumbass idea that they have to convince a woman to have sex.   They actually believe women aren’t as interested in sex as men. You know that’s some bullshit.   Naw, women just don’t want have sex with certain men.   They just like us.   Men want women with those big round breasts, small waists, phat booty, and shapely legs that can crush a man’s back.   They act like women don’t care about a man’s body as well.   Women looking for that big chest and smile.   Quiet as it kept they check out legs too especially that third one.   Bamas be trying to use logic to get a woman into bed or buy her with some money. Naw just get that bench press up and stop eating that shit that’s making your stomach poke out.

            Bamas know in general that women choose the men.   I don’t think they get it though and what it really means.   Women when they want a man will try to seduce him.   If a woman ain’t trying to seduce you she don’t want you.   Some men think that means she is going to approach him and initiate things. Naw. A woman seduces by drawing you to them.   That’s their game. When women throw on those sexy clothes they going fishing with a net.   They catch ten men in that net and throw back seven cause they bamas.   Of the three she keeps she throws one back later cause though he cute, he dumb and broke.   Another one is cute and got some ends but he can’t fuck. She get with him and after 3 minutes dude gets his rocks off and is now snoring.   Third one a little better but they don’t really click so she’s back to fishing. Women though don’t go without good dick unless they really want to. That’s when my cellphone starts blowing up. Texts be looking like this:

            Woman: What you doing now?

            Me: Reading a comic book.

            Woman: I betcha you can’t read a comic book while I’m sucking your dick.

            Me: Yeah I can.   We’ll find out in the future.

            Woman: We can find out now. I’m outside your door with a trench coat, heels, and nothing else.

            Me: Oh snap.

            I wasn’t doing anything else at the time anyway. I did check her for coming over without calling first. She had skills so I let her off with a warning.

            I learned early in life that women will give a man the punanny without him doing anything other than being himself. When I was about nine I was playing tag with some kids around the way.   There was this seven year old named Susie who liked me.   Now we playing tag and I was it.   I counted to ten and start chasing them. I’m chasing them and Susie told the group, “Y’all run ahead now I got this.” She slowed down and then fell to the ground. I ain’t gonna say what happened next cause people wanna go around with their heads in the sand and act like kids ain’t getting down. Let’s just say we didn’t finish the game but started a different one.

            Years later at fourteen, a 30ish single woman showed me some things.   Every neighborhood got that one woman who don’t like men her own age and like them some young boys.   That’s where that whole cougar thing started.   Feminists and their mangina enablers act like men are the only ones doing some foul shit with underage children.   Mothers with some street smarts know when they see their sons start to fill out that older women are going to be checking for their baby boys. Many a dude got initiated by either an older neighbor, teacher, or babysitter.   Those same dudes are the ones that turn out to be playas and dogs. Oh yeah, oh yeah, I can get gully with it and talk about the game that so-called relationship experts, dating coaches, and red pill bloggers don’t know about.   That’s some deep shit though. I’ll let Rom take care of that.

            Now I know some bamas reading this don’t care about any deep shit. They want to know how Dexter Goodbar is getting his.   Well one I’m fine, at least that’s what women tell me when they ask me to put my number into their smartphones.   Women are visual.   A woman can cum just by looking at a man.   Thing is most men are physically unattractive to women.   Too many men let themselves get out of shape. They thinking that as long as they got money and some game they can get over.   Naw, money and game is just something women settle for when they can’t otherwise find a fine man.

            Now a man can send a woman to heaven but he gonna need to be able to conversate with her afterwards.   I got the gift of gab. I can talk to a woman about anything.   I got a bunch of sisters and female cousins so learned how to talk with women early.   See too many men don’t know how to talk to women without trying to get sex.   A man gotta be able to just vibe with a woman without trying to get in her panties.   It ain’t always about the sex.   Women bring a lot to the table. Many men gotta stop tripping.   A man has to sometimes walk away from the punanny.

            There’s was this one time when I went over to this fine sista’s house.   She was so fine my dick drove me over.   She opened the door butt naked, holding a freshly baked cherry pie. She said, “Dexter you have a choice to make. You can only get me or this cherry pie. One or the other, not both. Choose wisely.”

            Man that was the best cherry pie I ever had.

            Besides being fine and able to talk to the ladies, I turn them on because I run shit.   I own some clothing stores.   People think I’m just a pretty boy. I’ve been hustling since I was little plus I got a degree.   Women talk all that independent stuff. Most of the time that’s because they don’t have a sexy man to provide for them.   Here’s a little known game women run.   A man will meet an “independent” woman and think she’s bringing finances to the table.   As they date and some cases get married he finds out she doesn’t want to be a career woman.   She always wanted to be a happy housewife.   She was only “independent” because she didn’t have a choice.   She still had to eat. As Rom would say, “Ask me how I know.”

            There’s so much I can say.   I got things to do so let me leave you with this.   You got a lot of men out there who bore women sexually.   Mainly it’s bamas who want to get a little too romantic.   I know many cats who want to make love to soft music, candles and shit. They be reciting some erotic poetry and talking about doing some Tantra so they can “heal” the woman.   They got the silk sheets. And the room is bright and clean and whatnot. You know all that is good but sometimes you gotta switch that joint up.

            Every now and then you gotta bring the mattress into the living room and sit there buck naked waiting for your woman to get home.   When she walks through the door you gotta rip her clothes off, throw her on the mattress, and tap that ass like you just got out of prison.   Every now and then women need that raw uncivilized primal masculine energy.   Studs know what I’m talking about. Women will start talking trash when they want that energy. They grab your ass and be yelling, “Take this muthafucking pussy! You know want it! Take it! Take the pussy!”

            All right I done talked enough smack.   I just got a text. I have to go do the Lord’s work.

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