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Nice Guys and Players Excerpt: Sexual Chemistry

1/31/2016

In the fifteen years since the publication of Nice Guys and Players I've had discussions, comments, and reviews on various sections of the book. The only exception though has been the chapter titled "Sexual Chemistry." Only TWO reviews in fifteen years have even referenced this chapter. Even then only one sentence was quoted. I find that ironic because it's probably the ONE chapter in the book that a man seeking to improve with women NEEDS to read. The following are a few excerpts from that chapter.

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     Now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. Let’s talk about sexual issues. Sex is the one area that causes more trouble in a relationship than money or nosey girlfriends. Sex is really the major difference between a nice guy and a player. The most consistent statement by women about the nice guys is that they are not good in bed. If they were good in bed they wouldn’t be nice guys. They would be called Mr. Right.

            The nice guy has read through the previous chapters and learned some stuff and the player has read through thinking about what he could add. Both have taken steps to improve themselves. So here you have a man who has worked out, bought some nice clothes, shined his shoes, and is more aggressive and confident. Women start to check him out. He manages to have sex with a woman. After they are through he is on top of the world because the woman was so fine. She would have had more fun watching paint dry. Despite the promise of a great night of passion she was left high and dry. Now what?

            The sexual needs of many women are usually unmet EVEN when they are in steady relationships. Too many men only want to get theirs and may be fooled by women faking orgasms. The biggest single reason players get attention even when women know they are rotten is that the player is perceived to be better in bed than the nice guy.   Now I can hear the nice guys now. “But I’m so romantic.” “I make love in hotel rooms with rose petals and fine wine.” “I take two hours in foreplay.” Fellas, all of this is irrelevant if you don’t turn on the woman to begin with.

            One of the sad things about sexuality in American society is despite the fact that it’s so much a part of our culture nobody really talks about what it really takes for satisfaction. It is especially sad that many relationships are destroyed because both men and women are not being satisfied. There are too many books out there about sexual satisfaction that to me are too clinical. Let me break it down for everybody. Sexual satisfaction by Rom.

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A woman feels good when she is aroused. A man who can appeal to a woman’s senses and mind will usually be chosen. An aroused woman is under a powerful influence. She is under romantic intoxication.   Romance, when you break it down, is nothing more than a form of arousal. Those flowers, dinners, and getaways are designed to arouse women. Romance novels are popular for that reason. Romantic intoxication is worse than any other addiction. Women will change personalities while addicted to romance. They become more excited, their skin tingles, they get butterflies, and they begin to glow. Women have left their families, jobs, and friends to feed this addiction. A woman will sleep with her best friend’s husband while romantically intoxicated. Players can keep a woman in a state of romantic intoxication.   Nice guys fail to do this. A man skilled in the art of arousal, yes, it is an art, can manipulate a woman to the point where he can get anything he wants from her.   Good, responsible men need to develop their arousal skills not only to keep their women happy but also to protect them from the more predatory players. The man who masters the art of arousing his woman need not fear competition.

            Unfortunately, too many men don’t feel it’s their job to make women feel good. Too many men believe all they have to do is be responsible and stay out of trouble. They feel the woman is responsible for her own happiness. To some extent she is, but all women, regardless of how strong they think they are, need a man in their lives. And men need women. There are men out there who are confident, aggressive and look good. They fail with women because they don’t take any actions to make women feel good. Then they get mad at the women for not wanting them. Women want men who can make them feel good.

            Women have dual sexual needs. Most women are only partially aroused because most men don’t satisfy both physical and mental needs. This is why most women don’t have orgasms on a regular basis.   A woman must be fully aroused to reach orgasm. That’s why many women have two men in their lives: The Player to take care of their physical needs and the nice guy to take care of their mental needs.

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Plenty of men are handsome, charming, and confident. These men get attention from the ladies because of these qualities. Despite these qualities, these men may still have trouble arousing women. These qualities are important but more is needed.   To generate sexual chemistry with a woman a man must be able to release his inner masculine. Men today are a mere shadow of what they could be. Many men are putting on a façade to get along in life. Many are wearing masks to conform to the social and political climate. This is especially the case when men deal with women. Men in the four categories behave this way.   Mr. Goodbar plays to the sexual needs of women. The Masked Man hides his true face. The Nice Guy believes that women will come to him if he is nice enough. The Gamesman is busy playing games. All of these men are suppressing their inner masculine energy.

            So what is the inner masculine energy? Let me break it down. Just as the inner feminine energy is receptive, the inner masculine energy is assertive. Sperm goes out from the man. The inner masculine is protective. It desires to protect those associated with it. The inner masculine is disciplined. The inner masculine is will power. The inner masculine faces its fears. Most men in American society suppress their inner masculine. As a result of political and social changes over the last few decades in American society, men are burying their true selves. Many men are not protecting their women and children. Many are abusing their families. Too many men are not assertive.   They are passive in the face of everyday life. Many men are not disciplined. Many lack will power. A man in touch with his inner masculine will have a burning desire to control his own destiny. He will want to control his life.   Which man in the four categories can truly say they control their life? Mr. Goodbar? His ego is in control. The Masked Man? He is afraid to show his true face. The Nice Guy? He is playing a game of make believe. He believes women should want him because he is so nice. The Gamesman? He is all about lies. The man who expresses his inner masculine is the Real Man. He is real because he expresses his true self.

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A Goodbar's Words

1/17/2016

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The following is a piece that was written for my unpublished book, "Being Mr. Goodbar." It was written by a gentleman who I would say has some notoriety. He been on TV more than a few times over the years. Women certainly found him easy on the eyes. When he graciously wrote the excerpt for me he simply signed it "Anonymous." What he had to say was very thought provoking. Check it out and tell me what you think.

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Being the sexual center of attraction for women can have its obvious advantages and cruel pitfalls. You go through a number of psychological and social changes that are difficult to understand, even after so many years of being use to it.

          For one, you always have to approach such situations with a certain level of humility - an appreciation for being blessed with enough good looks to draw the women that appeal to you. Humility is key. Humility also gives you a more candid outlook on the universal balance of life, love, sex and relationships. You tend to look at these matters with a very spiritually inspired "third-eye," if that makes sense. Essentially, the moment ego steps in and dominates the situation, you're screwed. You've defied every reason for your being and why God put you here. Because I feel a lot of this is by some bizarre design I have absolutely no control over, so I just have to vibe with it and take it as it comes.

          It also takes an open mind. Be open to the world and all it has to offer. Don't limit your social or sexual perspective. Be willing and able to listen.

            See - it's not really a situation where a man like myself can pick whatever woman he wants. Really, men don't pick women - it's the other way around. Yet, the man has to maintain a level of calm, self-assuredness and overall confidence. I tell younger brothers who are coming up and have questions about relationships that they should take their time. I watch brothers nowadays and they play themselves by approaching women in such a desperate manner and tone. Yelling across the street and shit; walking past a woman and grabbing her arm when she gave no indication that it got physical yet; or that stupid, one-liner bullshit made for club pick-ups. Most women, on the real, despise that shit. The women who do tolerate it are the type you want to stay away from. They are perpetually insecure and have numerous issues. You don't want to mess with a woman who wants to be treated like a dude.

            Don't go out looking for or chasing women.   Let it happen naturally. The most intense, most fulfilling relationships are the ones you never expected nor planned. It just happened. You meet the most beautiful, most compelling women on a subway, an elevator, a bookstore or a coffeehouse.   It's when you least expect it. And you meet them when it just happens; I can't define what that situation is or will be. You define it when it occurs. As men, we have to realize that there is a certain type of woman out there to get matched with every man. All this shit is by design and pre-destination. When you force it, all you do is throw the karma out of whack. You mess yourself up without realizing it. That recent movie "Shallow Hal" was a perfect example of this. This pudgy, desperate and self-absorbed club-jumper would dance with every fine woman on the dance floor and would get rejected all the time. He didn't understand it. He just couldn't see it. But, in the end, once he did figure it out, he ended up with someone who complimented him. She may not have attracted a certain segment of the male population, but she certainly was the best thing that ever happened to him. Which is why I truly appreciated the message relayed in that flick. It spoke volumes of truth.

            Relax - don't let the vagina get you all tripped up and out of character. It's hard, I know, but it's necessary. When I was a teenager, I used to occasionally hang out with some friends who loved going to the local mall and getting phone numbers from the girls. They would keep tally and score - no plans to call these girls, mind you, but it was like a horse race to see who gathered the most "digits." I would stand back and just watch, never getting involved because that wasn't my game. I didn't have a game - I hated playing games. "Getting digits" as it was called was the most stupid-ass game ever devised by desperate cats calling themselves "pimps" or "players". 9 times out of 10, the girls would always end up looking in the back of the group, pointing at me and asking: "Who's your friend?" And I didn't intend for that to happen. But, it made me realize that most women hate fucking games when it comes to men.   They are actually very simple to approach and its not rocket science to please them - they have enough to deal with when considering all the pettiness amongst themselves. So why deal with that shit from men?   Men are men; and petty, game-playing men are like women. I don't have to tell you that these cats stopped inviting me on their outings.

            And that's where we get into the importance of being a gentleman. Believe it or not, old-fashioned concepts of chivalry & etiquette are the most proven form of productive interaction between men and women. It's considerate, gentle and kind.   It separates the boys from the real men. Many of these cats today can't or refuse to recognize the significance of this. The laws of the universe dictate that the female expects and deserves gentle treatment, even during times of conflict.   That's lacking in today's society. Which is why most women that I'll hold the door open for will suddenly get weak in the knees and feel as though its love at first sight.   Or, they think that I'm trying to make a move on them. But, I'm not doing either. I'm simply fulfilling my obligation to the laws of the universe and how God intended. Being a gentleman is a natural component of the male personality. It is a discipline that should be taught from pre-school.

            See, there is this fucked-up perception that being a gentleman is being weak. But, let me school you for a moment. Some of the hardest, most lethal, most effective warriors in history were the most romantic and passionate men to ever walk the face of the Earth. The famous WWII General Patton wrote eloquent poetry while he was crushing Hitler's Nazis. Samurais in Japan were more recognized for their etiquette than they were for swordsmanship.

          Too many boys - particularly Black boys - aren't being raised in that discipline. They are, instead, spoiled and served. I see too many situations where mothers think it's cute that their 6 year-old boys is knocking the shit out of his little sister or female playmate over a damn toy. They think that shit is cute - let's see what they say when that boy grows up into a man and is in jail or before a judge on domestic abuse charges. Or, say, when a smart woman wises up and shoots his ass in self-defense after he just beat the hell out of her.

            And then you have these boys being raised into women. That's some sick, universally destructive non-sense. Suddenly, you've got an entire population of young men who hate women because they want to take their place.

          This is all to say that there is a very special balance between the feminine and the masculine that we must preserve at all times. We have to respect it if we are to survive as a community and a human race. It's that simple. And that must dictate our interactions with women and how we treat them.

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#wastehistime2016 will be a Nightmare

1/10/2016

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  The latest thing trending on social media is “#wastehistime2016.”   In a nutshell women are tweeting about things to do to a man they are dating to “waste his time.”   Basically these women are advocating doing to men what men have done to women for years.   Being the player instead being played. Yeah okay.   Now I’ve read where this is supposed to be satire. Maybe.   Many people are taking this seriously judging by the coverage this hashtag is receiving.   I want to add my $59.99 to the conversation.   Women especially need to really think on what I’m about to say.

            First of all, nothing advocated by #wastehistime2016 is new.   Women have been playing these types of games with men for generations.   I’ve been conscious of these games since I was a little kid in the seventies.   I used to watch older women play these games.   In my latest book, “A Player’s Eyes” I write that I learned that thing called “game” from women.   I’ve talked with elders who told me about women’s games going back at least to 1930's which means women have been playing the game even longer.   There’s nothing new under the sun.   I repeat #wastehistime2016 isn’t particularly revolutionary.   Young folks need to stop thinking they are reinventing the wheel.   They would know this if they would have real conversations with their elders.

            Let’s be straight up about something.   Many women are embracing this hashtag to turn the tables on the men who have hurt them, primarily Players and Bad Boys.   Let’s be raw.   Women are NOT going to doing anything to waste a Player or Bad Boy’s time.   The true Player, especially if he is a sexually appealing Mr. Goodbar type, only deals with women on his terms.   When Mr. Goodbar tires of a woman he dismisses her like the maid.   A woman gets one shot at him.   If she does some dumb shit he has five other women to take her place.   Women know this.   Plus to be real, a woman is not going to play games with Mr. Goodbar anyway because she wants that good dick from him.

            As far as Bad Boys let’s be raw again.   Some of those men are crazy.   I’m not talking about the men who call themselves Bad Boys because on the surface they go against the grain.   I’m talking about crazy men who will beat a woman’s ass for being five minutes late from the store. Domestic violence is a serious matter.   Many women think they got that girl power thing and they can do or say anything to a man and he won’t put his hands on them.   These women are STUPID!   If a man has it in him to put his hands on a woman he will not give a fuck about the police, your male family members, or your woman’s empowerment group.   The type of man who will beat a woman will put a bullet in another man’s ass.    All it takes with some men is just the PERCEPTION that a woman is trying to play him.   #wastehistime2016 may get a woman killed.   For the women reading this you never truly know who you’re dealing with.   Don’t get hurt over a silly game.

            The biggest single problem with #wastehistime2016 is not the Players or Bad Boys and their reaction.   The biggest problem is that women will do these things to genuinely good men.   For reasons I have never been able to fathom women like playing games with men who have good intentions towards them.   A woman will meet a man who finds her attractive and interesting.   On the other hand she might not be feeling him because he doesn’t make her vagina tingle like Mr. Goodbar.   Instead of just letting him down easy she lets him spend money on her and pretend like he’s winning her heart.   That’s a best case scenario.   Often she will play those games advocated by #wastehistime2016 as revenge for what some other man did.   The women who do this get a level of satisfaction but ultimately they’ve created some bad karma.

            There’s a type of man I never really talk about.   Even when I talk about Mr. Goodbar I don’t really say anything negative about him.    Mr. Goodbar doesn’t have negative intent towards women.   He simply desires multiple women.   He is giving women something of value, pleasure, to the woman.   The type of man I never really talk about it the DOG.   This is the man who will INTENTIONALLY hurt women.   He will go out of way to emotionally damage a woman. Another term is DEMON LOVER.   These men in most cases weren’t born evil.   I’ve found something interesting in talking with these men over the years and even observing a few I’ve watched transform.   These men all started off as genuine good guys with good hearts.   Then they ran into game playing women who broke their hearts.   The most common case is an emotionally abusive mother.   The second most common case is not just being rejected but demeaned by an attractive girl or woman.   Let’s get deeper into that last one.

            If a woman just rejects a man that’s one thing.   All men, including Mr. Goodbar, have been rejected. It’s another thing if a woman strings a man along. Wastes his time.   Many women do that. They know they have no interest in a particular man.   Yet they will let a man take them out on dates and buy nice things.   The whole time she will be a little mean to him. After a month or so they will tell the man they just want to be “friends.”   The woman already knew she wasn’t interested but she USED the man. Some will even laugh about the man with their girlfriends. Many men can do nothing but complain on social media and in general withdraw socially.   Then you have the Dog.

            The men who become Dogs are typically men who are what I call “Dormant Goodbars.”   These are those men who will either be a little underweight, or have a little baby fat.   They will have generally handsome features but they may not have the best look as far as their haircuts and facial hair.   They won’t have a good style and may not have a lot of social skills.   What they have is good hearts and good intentions towards women. At least until several women have intentionally “wasted his time.”   There comes a time in a Dog’s life when that good heart he had closes.   Once that happens a Demon Lover is born.   There’s a saying that says “Once the student is ready, the teacher appears.”   That Dog will run into someone who will teach him two things: how to attract women to him and how to push a woman’s sexual buttons.    The Good Guy has become the Dog and thus a vicious cycle is continued.

            Many women might think that #wastehistime2016 is empowering but the reality they are creating a scenario where instead meeting a dream man they will encounter a nightmare.

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A Player's Eyes Excerpt: Pretty Boy Problems

1/3/2016

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          The following excerpt is from my latest book, "A Player's Eyes."   The response to the book has been outstanding.    I want to thank all of my supporters.   Many have contacted me privately about the chapter in the book titled "Pretty Boy Problems."   I included the chapter because many men feel like if they just look good they wouldn't have relationship problems.   Yeah a good looking man gets more attention but more attention can sometimes mean more problems.

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           In my life I have a met a few men who women considered physically attractive above and beyond the rest of the male population. Even other men would look at these guys and say the dudes looked good.   Now conventional wisdom would suggest that these men made out like bandits with women. Anybody looking at them would assume they had harems.   Naw. The pretty boys I’ve met in my life have either been very monogamous or very single.   Yes they had a whole bunch of women lusting after them, in some case even butch lesbians.   Lusting after someone is one thing.   Actually having sex with that person is another.   One thing with Pretty Boys is that they will have trouble because many women are intimidated by them.
Many women are very insecure.   They can strut around like Amazons ready to conquer the world and whatnot. They can make a business deal in the morning and then go home to their big expensive houses and whip up a fabulous dinner for themselves to eat while they watch their big screen TVs.   Yeah many women are dripping strength and confidence until they meet that drop dead gorgeous man who’s tall and buffed. That same woman who just addressed executives at a board meeting has trouble saying hello to the man as he walks by.   If she does speak she’ll stutter and once he walks by she’ll rush home to change her panties because she peed on herself.   It’s not that women don’t want Pretty Boys.   It’s just that the butterflies are doing the tango in their stomachs.   Just like men get anxiety around beautiful women, women get it worse around beautiful men.

Even in situations where a Pretty Boy will take the initiative and approach a woman there are still problems. Even the most beautiful of women really don’t think they’re beautiful.   Some will even think they are ugly. So when a Pretty Boy approaches them the first thing they are thinking is, “Why is this fine man approaching me?”   A woman will assess that man’s looks and assume that he already has ten girlfriends.   Some women will even reject this man because despite his looks they don’t want to be a part of a harem.   This is just one scenario.

Another situation I’ve observed a lot is when a Pretty Boy is in a social group where women have time to check him out.   Now they’ll ask about him and may even be in a position to talk to him.   They already see he is handsome.   They talk to him and find out he is also very intelligent and also has a cool personality. It comes out that the man is single and doesn’t date a lot.   What women will do in this situation is start asking, “What’s wrong with him?”   In a woman’s mind a fine man should always have a woman or at least some prospects.   They may start asking questions to see what’s wrong with him.   Something will always be wrong because the dude may look good but he is still human.   Some women magnify a small fault into something major.   Then there’s the one stigma Pretty Boys have to deal not only from women but from men as well.   People will wonder if he is gay.

I’ve heard women just straight up call a very handsome man gay even if he doesn’t show any signs of being a homosexual. Some women even look for it because they are looking for some flaw.   This stems from their own insecurity.   Men on the other hand are just jealous because this Pretty Boy is typically getting more attention than they are. Many men have a bad habit of putting another man down in front of women.   Brotherhood goes out the door when a pretty face, big tits, and a phat ass are involved.

A Pretty Boy will have trouble with women because it takes a while for women to get comfortable around them.   For that reason Pretty Boys tend to be monogamous.   They tend to either get with an equally beautiful woman or the more average woman that had a chance to click with the personality of a Pretty Boy.

It’s because of the problems that the Pretty Boys face that the men who legitimately have high sex counts tend not to be drop dead good looking.   An honest look at the men who get a lot of sex the most common denominator is a better than average body build.   These men, the Goodbars, will be considered handsome but it’s not a raw bone structure type of handsome. I thought so at first and said as much in my first book.   One thing about me though is that I will change my stance on something when presented with a better perspective.   I wrote Nice Guys and Players, back in the late nineties. Since that time I have met and interacted with several high sex count men.   These men would be considered above average handsome but their looks were more the result of a conscious cultivation as opposed to winning the genetic lottery.   The Goodbars made themselves more handsome.   Still, it was the type of handsome that women felt comfortable with.   Let me share some wisdom I wrote about in Nice Guys and Players.

In Nice Guys and Players, I mentioned I learned a lot from a buddy I called Jim.   I never forget what Jim told me about why beautiful women would always like me. He said, “Rom, beautiful women will always like you because you don’t look better than they do.”   That was some powerful wisdom and the reason I never considered myself any more than decent looking.   Beautiful women loved my ass to death. I’ve had homely women who would try to play me while model pretty and stripper sexy women would blow up my phone.   Why knock what worked?   The key with me though was that beautiful women were comfortable enough around me not to be intimidated.

            One may wonder why I’m talking about Pretty Boys. It’s not really about the Pretty Boys. The issue is more about men who feel like their genetics work against them.   Many men who know that looks matter feel like they are not handsome enough or tall enough to attract beautiful women. Something that is not talked about enough publically is that there is a growing industry for male beauty products and also plastic surgery. I’m not going to knock it but I will say this.   Every single man is a Mr. Goodbar to some woman.   The facial features that some women may consider ugly on one man are considered beautiful by other women.   I’ve met some very beautiful women who stated a preference for men under 6 feet tall.   I’ve seen them with the men and I can tell when a woman is really feeling a man.   Even with body builds all women don’t want a muscular man. It’s not a case of them settling.   Some women prefer slim men.   A few like fat men. Many, many women like a man who is somewhere between muscular and fat.   Women will say, “Damn he thick!” I know a very beautiful woman who’s so sexy that I’ve seen her put men into trances. One dude made up a poem about her on the spot.   She would only mess with men she called ugly.   She popped out three kids for her ugly husband.

            Now someone may say this invalidates the notion that looks matter. Not at all.   A woman SEES that a man is short, slim, thick, decent looking or ugly. She is still making a determination based on LOOKS.

            For the men reading this work on what you have.   Don’t worry about the Pretty Boys as they got their own issues.

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Nice Guys and Players Excerpt: Sexual Chemistry﻿

A Goodbar's Words

#wastehistime2016 will be a Nightmare

A Player's Eyes Excerpt: Pretty Boy Problems

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Nice Guys and Players Excerpt: Sexual Chemistry