Category: Dating

A Woman's True Desire

11/2/2014

            It seems nearly every week there is a story in the media about a female teacher getting into trouble for having sex with a male student.   I’m not going to get into whether the sex is right or wrong. My only position is that it happens.   For every incident that is reported in the media there are hundreds that are happening every day.   For many young teenaged boys having sex with a hot teacher is a fantasy.   Now what’s interesting about the women who get caught is that when you look at their pictures you can’t help but think that they can get a handsome man with money. Indeed many of these women will have husbands or at least boyfriends.   Like many things there is more to this issue of older women having sex with younger boys.   We have to go deeper on this one.

            I’m going to be honest with y’all. I don’t personally see the big deal.   Older women going for young teenaged boys has been happening for a very long time.   When I was a teenager I had brief relationships with a couple of women older than me. Even when I was in my early twenties I attracted the attention of older women.   One even “kidnapped” me. Actually that happened a couple of times. Yeah, that’s yet another book. Anyway what was telling was not so much I attracted these women but what I had going on for me at the time.

            During my teenaged years and early twenties women probably didn’t see me as Mr. Goodbar.   I was nerdier in my appearance and demeanor.   I still had some cool points to me but I didn’t have the muscles or the fly clothes.   I used to wear these big glasses that covered half my face.   I definitely didn’t use what some would consider game.   Yes I could approach women and talk to them with ease but in each case these older women approached me. I didn’t have money or status. I didn’t even have a car. I really hadn’t grown into my looks. One older woman said I needed to lose that “baby fat” around my face. Apparently the baby fat didn’t stop her from kissing me. The way my overall presentation was at the time I shouldn’t have got any attention, let alone the attention of sexy older women.   At least according to conventional wisdom. That’s another thing, the women I got attention from were the slim to shapely women who could easily get better looking men with money.   Some of them did have men.

            Now someone reading this will either say I had some type of game or I’m lying.   I’m doing neither.   Think about something with these teachers getting with younger boys.   We can expand that to include older women who will have sex with their young neighbor who cuts their grass.   All mothers who have teenaged boys KNOW exactly who the cougars are in their neighborhoods.   Fuck the politically correct convo let’s get into some raw game here.   Women know how other women are and though they may not call other women on their bullshit in public forums or social media they know how some get down.   A normal mother is going to be protective of her baby boy and can take one look at a friendly neighbor and know the woman is already scheming on her son.   Many men think they know game. Women are the game.   That’s why I have little sympathy when a woman says a man played them.    All that happened was that a man outplayed them at their own game.   Let me get off this tangent though.

            Here’s the thing.   There is too much misinformation floating around out there with regards to women’s sexuality and their desires.    The biggest single problem is that too many men believe that women don’t want to have sex as much as men.   One of the reasons for this the influence of Abrahamic religions on most of the world particularly Christianity and Islam.    Both religions fairly suppress a woman’s sexuality, especially some strains of Islam.   The Christian West is only a little bit better.    The views about a woman’s sexuality affect the overall culture of a society to the point where even if someone is an atheist their sexual views still reflect those of religious practioners.    Bottom line is that many men don’t understand a woman’s sexual nature.

            A WOMAN’S SEXUAL DESIRE IS GREATER THAN A MAN’S.

            During the act of actual sexual intercourse the overwhelming majority of men according to published reports and private conversations with women are minute men.    A man who can go twenty minutes is actually extraordinary. The average time is around seven minutes.   The average man once he has sex regardless of the time has to rest once he has ejaculated.    Women on the other hand can go for hours.   Not only can they go for hours but they can do so with multiple partners.    Let’s get raw.

            There are women out there who have had “trains” run on them.    For those who didn’t grow up in an urban environment, “running a train” is when a woman will have sex with multiple men one after the other.   In some cases these are gang rapes.   I’m not talking about that heinous crime.   I’m talking about cases where a woman will CONSCIOUSLY take on multiple partners.   There are even videos on amateur porn sites which show a woman having a train run on her.    Not saying it’s right or wrong, it just is.   The bottom line is that the average woman can have sex for hours.   Now the average woman isn’t going to be inclined to have a train run on her, but she will at least have a strong desire to be sexually satisfied.    So what does this have to do with older women going after younger boys?

            On a basic level the women are looking for satisfying sex.   The most important sexual skill for a man is simply duration.   When a woman is evaluating the sexual worthiness of a man one of the main things she is looking for is whether he can last long.    The one thing the teenaged boy brings to the table is vitality.   Just like a girl is at her sexual peak as a teenager the boy is at his sexual peak.   When it comes to sex women aren’t tripping over money.   Money doesn’t mean anything once the clothes comes off and two people are in the act of sexual intercourse.   So a man makes a million dollars and owns two luxury cars and a big house. Sexually a woman wants to know if he can keep a firm stroke up for 30 minutes preferably longer.   Many men with money and status can’t do this.   Many trophy wives have affairs.

            Even a man with a handsome face and muscular body may not turn on many women.   Let me clarify this because I know this statement may seem to contradict much of what I write.   In GENERAL a man will get more attention from women with handsome face and muscular body.   If a man is having trouble with women the smartest thing for him to do is change his facial grooming and either put on muscles or lose weight.   That doesn’t always seal the deal though.   There are plenty of handsome, muscular men out there who don’t attract the number of women sexually someone thinks they would.   At best these men may get a wife or girlfriend who will still cheat on them or maybe a sidepiece or two.   The men who may have ten or more women in rotation are not always the most handsome or muscular.

            Many men out there use what they consider “game” to get women.   Let’s keep it one hundred.   Women see through a man’s games.   What men learn through a book, website or seminars women have been learning since they were babies.   That baby girl learned that when she cried or laughed a certain way this big person she would eventually call daddy would respond to her.   That’s where the manipulation started.   Then she watches her mother manipulate men for different things.   As she grows up she finds that if she dresses and behaves a certain way boys will do things in her favor.   My point is that any game a man has pales in comparison to a woman’s games.   Women see through a man’s games but play along because of lack of options.   Gamesmen are not the Goodbars and Masked Men that women want.   Women see these men as lames, clowns, or even simps.   An irony is that these men think they are on top of the game.    Men like this can only win by wearing a woman down.   A very significant number of women are not with the man they want to be with but rather the man who was the most persistent in chasing them.

            What women ultimately want is the man or in many cases who is most sexually desirable to them.   That man is not always going to be the best looking or most muscular.   He may not have money or status.   In the case of teenaged boys, he will not have enough life experience to have that thing called game.   What women will look for is that man who looks like he can satisfy them in the bedroom. The man or boy who looks like he can fuck will beat out the money man, the pretty boy, the muscle head, and the gamer.

            I challenge anyone to show me otherwise.

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Sexual Shadow World

10/26/2014

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            I write a lot of things regarding male/female relationships that either doesn’t make sense to people or seems like I don’t know what I’m talking about.   There’s a reason for that.   The reason is one of perspective.   Most people can only relate to things that match their own worldview.   Indeed most people will only seek out information that validates their perspectives.   If something doesn’t validate their perspective they tend to reject the information.   That’s the reason why despite all of the books, seminars, coaches, and bloggers out there it seems like relationships are getting worse and not better.   Most commentators, including professionals, have only seen a part of the picture and not the whole thing.   There were some incidents many years ago that illustrate my point.

            When I first published my books I did a lot of seminars.   I remember two in particular that stand out because of the contrasts between the participants.   The first seminar was with a group of Black professionals. The organizers of the seminar had read my book, Nice Guys and Players, and had pulled my character types out for role play among the participants.   They were scary spot on acting out the characters of the Nice Guy, Gamesman, and Masked Man.   When they got to Mr. Goodbar the characterization was off. By miles.   An interesting thing happened.   When the discussion was focused on the first three types the conversation was lively even heated.   When I talked about Mr. Goodbar the place was quiet. You could literally hear a pin drop.   The concept of a man who had women walk up and drop their panties was alien to most people of the room. Well, except for the Goodbar in the corner working his magic on a Buppie with the phat ass booty. He looked at me, gave me a head nod, and went back to work.   Like most things I’ve encountered in life I placed the moment in a mental file cabinet to pull out and think about later.

            The second incident came a few years later.   I was doing a seminar with some true to the game thugs.   These were men convicted of minor crimes and were only sitting down with me because a Judge didn’t leave them any choice in the matter.   An interesting thing happened. Usually when I discussed my books and ideas with groups the information would be received with disbelief and at times ridiculed because it went against the belief systems of seminar participants.   At times I thought maybe I was the one who was off.   Then I come across a group of real thugs.   An interesting thing happened.   After a little bit of an introduction to my books these men opened up about their experiences and told me the contents of my books.   Not only did they know about Mr. Goodbar they were Mr. Goodbar.   These men were telling me some things that quite frankly a person would be hard-pressed to find a mention of in any form of media.

            See here’s the thing.   In a previous blog I talked about men and women having two faces, a social face and a sexual face.   The social face is the one everyone sees.   That’s the face with the business suit, going to the kids’ soccer games, and being good neighbor by keeping the grass cut.   Most relationship advice, most discussions about Alpha and Beta Males, most conversations about what women want focus on the social faces.   The sexual faces are something completely different.   Socially, a person has a professional job, is a good parent, and neighbor.   They even go to church regularly.   Sexually that person is a swinger who routinely has sex with strangers.   The sexual face is how a person behaves in sexual manner.   A major problem in relationship discussions is that the focus is on social faces.   The whole Alpha Male thing for example is based on a social face.   The Alpha Male is supposedly the take charge, center of attention man who gets all the hot women.   This of course is based on the assessment of what such a man is doing socially.   The man holding court in a bar is only dominating socially.   There may be a few women feeling his vibe but trust me they may never go home with him.    Many socially dominant men are weak behind closed doors.   So why do I say this?

            I’m one of those people who has encountered a WHOLE lot of people in life.   I personally have been acquainted with many alternative sex workers.   We’re talking about Dominatrixes, and Tantric Massage workers.   I’ve also known phone sex workers, sugar babies, true gold diggers, escorts, and strippers.   These women have told me a lot about their clients.   We’re not talking losers living in their mom’s basements playing video games all day.   The women I talked to told me about encounters with men who were SOCIALLY Alpha Males.   Straight up, a dude living in his mom’s basement couldn’t afford most of these women.    It’s funny as hell to me that a whole subculture of men focuses on being the Alpha Males they see socially without knowing anything about the sexual faces of these men.   Let me share some things about myself to give the reader an idea about why I say the things I say.

            In my early twenties I was where many men pay thousands of dollars to get.   This was back in the late eighties and early nineties.   I was at the top of that thing called game. I had zero anxiety approaching women.   To use the street language of the time, I had a “smooth rap.” On top of that my fashion and grooming game was A-1. I also had the status of being of Black man with a degree who was pursuing a post graduate degree.   The only real weakness in my game was my weight.   Though I’m a natural mesomorph, if I don’t work out consistently I would gain weight.   The good thing about me gaining weight is that my body tends to gain evenly and not just in one area such as my stomach.   Even though I had extra weight on I carried it very well.   At most my weight gave me an average physical appearance which I was able to compensate for by having a smooth rap and wicked fashion game, especially with my shoes.

            With my game at the time I was able to date and have sex with some very attractive and shapely women.   Now I had still had to put in some work to woo the women.   Nobody was sleeping with me on the first date, maybe fourth or fifth date.   Of course there were some rejections. Also I did hear the words, “Let’s just be friends.”   There were plenty of women in what I call the “Not Sure Zone.”   Women in that zone will have a little sexual attraction for a man but not enough to simply drop her panties.   A man has to work for a woman in that zone. Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he don’t.   Where I was at the time I thought I was at the top of the game.   I was getting a LOT of play from attractive women primarily in the six to eight range.   Even a few Nines and Tens showed some interest.   Then around 1991 I entered the Sexual Shadow World and had my mind blown.

            I had started running in the spring of 1990 because a Nine didn’t want to have sex with me because of my weight.   I was weighing about 230 and quite frankly getting a little sloppy.   During that summer my weight came down to about 215 and to be honest I didn’t think anything of it.   I was getting pretty much the same play I was getting before from women in the six to eight range.   Then some interesting things happened to take everything to a different level.

            The first was that I was in the application process for a certain prominent federal law enforcement agency.   I had passed the panel interviews and now had to prepare to pass a physical fitness test.   I was required to do a certain number of pushups, sit-ups, and to be able to run 2 miles under 16 minutes.   So instead of jogging I had to start running.   I had to train more intensely. So starting in the winter of 1990 until the summer of 1991 I dropped even more weight.   I went down to 190 pounds of lean muscle mass. I passed the test with flying colors. I was walking around at my optimal physique as the sit-ups had developed my abs and the pushups had developed my arms and chest.   Women started going crazy over my body to the point where I would ROUTINELY get approached on the street.   Even had some young girls yell out their car windows while I was walking on the street.   So I had a body that was attracting women to me.   That was one part of the equation.   The second part came from some unique individuals.

            In the summer of 1991 I encountered some sex workers.   For legal reasons I can’t get into the particulars but during that summer I learned a lot about the inner sexual nature of women.   It was some things not discussed in public and still isn’t.   On the internet now there are some men who called themselves “Red Pill” because they think they know the sexual nature of women.   They don’t and they’re deluded.   They’ve barely scratched the surface. They don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World.    Even some men who get a lot of sex don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World.   But I digress.

            These sex workers gave me a real education.   I already knew a lot from women I had been around as a child but these women took me to a new level.   There were also one older man who gave me some insight.   One of the reasons I don’t hold what is taught as game on the internet in high regard is because of that man.   I’ll call the man James.   James was an older Jamaican who had a scary insight into how people behaved psychologically.   He could look at someone and tell you what’s going on with them.   He would mess with people’s heads just to pass the time.   He was especially adept at fucking or as he said “getting some punanny.”   He was talking about setting up a 900 line which was popular back then to tell men how to bring a woman to orgasm.   He was actually the first man I had met who was talking about satisfying women sexually. Most men fail because they don’t look like they can or even care about getting a woman to orgasm.

            The combination of the sex workers and James took me into the Sexual Shadow World.   In that world Mr. Goodbar is the Alpha Male.   Yet in the social world the same man may be a minimum wage worker or shy in a crowd.    In the Sexual Shadow World the men at the top of the pyramid are not the tall good looking men with status or game.   Physical appearance is important, indeed of supreme importance but not in the classic way that is important in the social world.   First of all a man’s face doesn’t matter as much.   In the Sexual Shadow World a good looking face is a bonus but not a necessity.   If one takes an honest look at the SEXUALLY attractive people they are rarely very physically attractive in the face.   There are exceptions but in general SEXUALLY attractive people have average faces.   Don’t believe me? Take a real good look at the men and women who turn on people sexually.   All they have in common are great bodies.   Many are buttafaces.   A good looking face is more important for in the social world.   When it comes down to sex, a man just needs a hot body, a decent size dick, and some fair sexual skills.

            In this case physical appearance is more about the body, the print, and how the man moves which gives the woman a clue about how he would be in bed.   See most of what’s in the media is focused on what women want socially.   The key to a woman is what type of man she lusts for.   A woman may publically say she wants a man who’s tall, with a good looking face, with status and a decent body.    Many women when presented with what they say they want may still reject the man.   The reason is that they don’t lust the man. Indeed when many women say they love a man they are really saying they lust him.   Socially a woman may want that classic good looking man who seems dominant.   Sexually she wants that rough looking man with hard body and big dick who would pound her pussy like it stole something.

            A key component to the Nice Guys and Players Philosophy is to be a man who can satisfy a woman’s social needs AND her sexual needs.   Despite the talk about there being a shortage of men many women who are even reasonably attractive have two men in their lives.   The first man is the socially acceptable boyfriend or husband.   The first man takes her out, spends money on her, and provides emotional support.   He is acceptable to her friends and family. In many cases he is considered an Alpha Male.   The second man is one nobody knows about.   His only purpose is to satisfy her lust.   He might not be classically handsome, he may be broke, and truth be told not even have what is commonly considered game.   He can fuck though. Well.

            Now I’m not talking about theory here.   During the period I lived in the Sexual Shadow World I would say the OVERWELMING majority of women I dealt with had boyfriends.   As far as I know I didn’t mess with any women with husbands. I say as far as I know because women lie more than men. I did know some men who didn’t have a problem with fucking another man’s wife. I seriously consider women hypocrites when they talk about cheating men.   When women are in lust they don’t give a fuck. A woman will fuck her best friend and sister’s husbands in a threesome if she lusts them.   They will find a rationalization to satisfy their lust.   It wasn’t certain trashy women either cheating either. It was something that crossed class lines and even subculture.   I’ve dealt with church girls, nerd girls, and princesses who cheated on their men. Those goody-goody girls can be the worse. The Sexual Shadow World is where that perfect Ten will do the freaky-freaky while tied up.

            Here’s the thing.   Many men reject what I tell them because it goes against CONVENTIONAL wisdom.   There are men out there who think if they just get some plastic surgery all of a sudden they’ll get hot woman.   There are men who think if they behave in a dominant manner the women will drop their panties.   There are men learning game in their attempts to get hot women or any women.   The only thing a man needs to do is develop himself to the point where a woman will LOOK at him and say to herself, “he can get it.”   At the point the man needs to be present enough to pick up on her SEXUAL desire. He then needs to be smart enough not to say something stupid and give what one beautiful woman once said, “Instant dryness.”

            The only game is lust.   If a man wants more and better women he needs to develop his overall physical appearance so that it generates lust.   The man also has KNOW that women want sex as much as men. Indeed the truth is the more sexually attractive a woman is the more they will choose a man based on pure lust.

            I just gave y’all some raw game. I wonder who will pick up on it.   Hit up me here.

            Peace!

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What about the Responsible Men?

10/5/2014

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            So I watched Iyanla Vanzant’s “Fix My Life” on DVR early this morning. I’m an early riser and I wanted to get it in before my sons got up and hijacked the remote.   The show featured the man that has social media abuzz, Jay Williams.   For those living under a rock or just don’t care, Jay Williams is a man who fathered 34 kids with 17 women.   Iyanla did a whole series of shows on him.   Somewhere I guarantee there’s at least one producer thinking about doing a reality show about this man but I digress.   Anyway the show featured not only Mr. Williams but several other men who had fathered multiple children by multiple women.

            I had mixed feelings about the show.   I was getting hot at first because it seemed like everything was being put on the men.   See I have a problem when women complain about deadbeat men who have children with multiple women.   Indeed some will have a child with a man, know he isn’t taking care of his other children, and then have two more kids with him.   Then other women will come along, know the man has multiple kids, maybe even know the baby mamas, and STILL have a child with the man.    My issue was that women don’t take responsibility for their own actions.

            To Iyanla’s credit she later put some responsibility on the women as well.   There was a point where one of the men was confronting his mother about how she emotionally abused him as a child and how that contributed to his behavior.   It was good to see that because in looking at these issues we have to look at the entire picture.   Virtually every womanizer I have known in my life had either a jacked up relationship with his mother OR a vicious rejection by some woman when he was young.   Too much is put on the men when it’s really a vicious cycle and the only way to break the cycle is to stop pointing fingers at each other and work together for a better future.

            Talking about men creating children with multiple women isn’t the focus of this particular blog though. When I look at any issue I look it at from several angles.   I used to work as a criminal investigator and then briefly as an editor for a political website where I did a little investigative journalism.   Academically I’m very well trained in doing research.   One of the things as a true to the game investigator/researcher is that I see what is on the surface but also what is hidden.   To use a principle from The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi, “Perceive those things which cannot be seen.”

            What I saw on the show was a bunch of Mr. Goodbars and a bunch of women who wanted these men to be good fathers.   An issue with that is the ability to be a good father might not have been in the psychological makeup of these men to begin with.    Too many women think having a man’s child will all of sudden make him grow up.   As many women find out after many tears and counseling later is these men really have little to no incentive to do better.   Iyanla, bless her, might be able to talk to a few men on her show and they MAY change their lives but there are thousands of men out there with the same issues who quite frankly will keep doing their part to insure their genetic lineage.

            Let me address the elephant in the room that no one seems to want to talk about in ANY of these relationship discussions ESPECIALLY those that occur in the context of Black male/female relationships.   Let’s be honest, though race wasn’t brought up in the discussion I only SAW Black men on the stage.   The issue no one wants to talk about is how come these people who are getting upset at these genetic alpha males are not asking one basic question:   Why not simply have children with the men who WILL be responsible parents?

            Stop and think about that.

            In my coaching practice and in life in general I have encountered hundreds of men, specifically Black men, who are responsible, hardworking, and WANT to have a family. Men who WANT to have children and be there for them.   Some of these men will even step in to help raise the children of many of these deadbeat sperm donors if given the chance.   Women are passing over these men every day in their mad rush to spread their legs for Mr. Goodbar.   Then when these women are stuck with the responsibility of actually raising a child on their own they blame Mr. Goodbar for not being a responsible parent.

            Let me share a reality that people may or may not see.   If they do see it they don’t talk about it.   All people have a dual sexual nature.   There is the obvious carnal sexual nature which is pure lust.   It’s the drive to connect with someone because of their physical attributes.   It’s the woman being attracted to a man because of his height, body build, square jaw, and yes dick size.   It’s the man being attracted to a woman’s big breasts and phat ass.   The carnal drive doesn’t care about a person’s character, profession, social class, political leanings, or religious beliefs.   This is pure attraction.   There is a second sexual drive that’s based more on mental and emotional compatibility.   This drive is more influenced by social factors such as culture, and personal beliefs.

            The average man will look for a woman that satisfies both of his sex drives.   He will openly look for a woman that turns him on physically but one that also fits his social criteria.   Women, on the other hand don’t have the same freedom.   They are encouraged to find men who fit their social criteria but western culture as it is now tries to suppress a woman’s carnal desires.   Women will still go for what they want physically but not in the same way as men.    This is where the problem comes in.

            A woman will meet Mr. Goodbar.   She’s turned on sexually. Her vagina is buzzing.   Mr. Goodbar is making the woman smile and feel good.   He’s fun to be with.   Mr. Goodbar probably doesn’t match her social criteria but that’s okay as long as the orgasms keep coming.   So the woman is having her good time but three things generally happen.   One, a woman will recognize the temporary nature of the relationship with Goodbar and simply move on to something more serious.   These are the more sensible women.   Two, the woman will marry the Goodbar and then realize that socially they are incompatible.   Three, they will have a baby and the reality that Goodbar is a deadbeat will become apparent.   The last two things is where the problems come up.

            Many women have a delusion that this man who they are having sex with because he is so fine, and so much fun, will all of a sudden become responsible with marriage or a baby.   Most of the time it will not happen.   Too many women make decisions based on the romantic tales playing out in their minds.   They knew Mr. Goodbar was a reckless pretty boy with a big dick when they got with him. That was part of his appeal.   Now it’s time to get serious and that fine man-child with the nice stroke isn’t following the script.   Then the women go on a national TV show and try to shame and cajole the man-child into growing up and being a responsible man. I call bullshit on all that.

            If a woman really wanted a responsible man she should mate with that type of man to begin with.   The responsible men already have the skillset to be good husbands, providers, and parents.   There are millions of men and let’s be specific, Black men, who are responsible, hardworking, and family orientated.   The women are getting outraged over a FEW men who have multiple children by multiple women. What about the responsible ones?   To me the bigger issue, especially in the Black community, should be why are so many responsible Black men are single AND childless?   I would love to see somebody’s national show deal with this issue.   I already know what the real deal is though.   Another one of those big-ass elephants in the room.

            When I was watching Iyanla this morning, and saw the fathers my first thought was, “oh a Goodbar convention.”   Other than when I was working a gym where a bunch of male strippers used to work out, it’s rare I see that many Mr. Goodbars in the same place.   Somebody has to say it.   The only reason that a man is going to be able have multiple children by multiple women is because he is able to appeal to the carnal nature of these women.   In most cases he is PHYSICALLY appealing to these women.   Objectively speaking, the men on stage were physically attractive to multiple women.

            See I’ve had conversations with literally thousands of women about their preferences in men.   Publically women will talk about the social criteria they want in men which typically responsible men fulfill.   Now the responsible men are barely getting attention.   The reason is that in the eyes of many women these men are not physically attractive.   Now I’ve gone on record as saying a man with sex appeal can trump a man with good looks.   The thing is that only a very tiny percentage of men have that type of ethereal sex appeal.   The sex appeal of most men is based on their physical appearance be it handsome face, height, or muscular body. They have to at least look good to a particular woman.

            This is the conversation we need to really have.   Too many women want that good-looking man whose smile they want for their sons to be a responsible parent.   It might not happen.   The women then run to the men who are not as attractive to raise their pretty children and many men are RIGHTFULLY not trying to sign up for that.   Now some women may feel like they only want to deal with Mr. Goodbar. Okay.   Just don’t get mad because sixteen other women want to have a baby with with the same man.

            If we really want to solve the relationship issues, especially in the Black community, we HAVE to address the issue of the large number of single responsible men.

            That dialogue is long overdue.

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Is She You?

9/28/2014

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           Is she you? Now I'm old school. Back in the day the fellas and I would be checking out some girls and we would ask each other, "Is she you?" What was meant by this phrase was whether this particular young lady would be a good match for the young man checking her out. A sad reality is that most men are not with a woman who truly compliments their personality, their goals, indeed their very being. To make it simple most men are not with the right woman.

         The majority of men who are in relationships or just dating are dealing with women that the men consider, shall we say, less than optimal. These women may have a negative disposition, a boring personality, and in most cases, physically unappealing. The one positive about these types of women is that they are receptive to the man, at least to some extent. Ask yourself, how often have you seen a fairly decent man with some overweight, ugly woman with a bad attitude? The reason you see this constantly is that the woman will at least have sex with the man. The man in this case is simply settling for sex to the point he will put up with the other negatives. The man may feel like he can do no better.

         On the other hand there are some men with women who are drop-dead gorgeous with beautiful faces and killer bodies. This is what most men want right? There's still a problem. A beautiful woman is great when you first get one. You're feeling good and men envy you. Then after being with her awhile you start finding out that all that glitters is not gold. You find out that once you get beyond the pretty package, you and this woman have nothing in common. It's kinda like that car that looks good in the showroom but once you take it off the lot you find yourself in the repair shop every other week. The relationship becomes more of a burden than you thought it would be. You hang in there though because she looks so good.

        It's very important that a man focuses his energy on finding the right woman. Now I understand that every now and then we might have to make that midnight call. Sometimes that dumpy woman is one who will be available at two in the morning. It is good for the ego to get with the sexy woman every other man is sweating. When we're talking long term or a woman who truly compliments the MAN, fellas have to exercise care in finding the right one.

        Now I know some men reading this may think they have to put a facade to get certain women but a man can be who he is and still find the right one. In my books I don't ask that a man shed traits he thinks aren't appealing to women. My books simply ask that you add to the foundation that you have already established. A man must always focus on finding someone who fits with HIS personality and life goals. Trust me, a man can still get a beautiful and complimentary woman this way. I'll use my own experiences as an example.
         Now in my player days I practically lived in the gym. So I had the confidence, the looks, the body, and the educational/professional status. I was also a big science fiction fan and comic book geek. Most men would hide their geeky side and show only the confidence, education, and looks. I showed all sides and still got the women. Women would call me up to talk and I would tell them, "Call me back, I'm watching Star Trek." Sometimes I would take a woman to the comic book store with me. The interesting thing I found though was that there are a great many drop-dead gorgeous women who are science fiction fans and comic book geeks too. It was a drop-dead gorgeous woman, who was a 9 on a bad day, who told me to check out The X-Files many years ago.
         My point is that I invested time and energy in women who fit the MAN I represented. I never tried to be cool and fit a woman's reality. No man can truly do that. The man either clicks with woman or he doesn't.
          So the question all men need to ask themselves, "Is she you?"

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The Masked Man and His Choices

9/7/2014

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            The Masked Man is very desired by women.   They see a handsome, successful man who is a great catch.   He doesn’t have the raw sex appeal of Mr. Goodbar but that’s okay. The woman has had her fun times with the pretty boys, bad boys, and hot boys.   The sex was hot but these men didn’t have anything else to offer.   The woman has a child from the deadbeat with the pretty eyes and smile.   The child is cute and all but also has an appetite. Many women learn the hard way that that the man who got that good dick doesn’t always translate to a man who’s going to be a good provider or parent.   So the woman’s needs change and I talk about this in my book, Nice Guys and Players:

            Ultimately, what it boils down to is that women choose men according to their needs. If a woman needs a man who is going to give her attention he is the type of man she will choose. An insecure woman chooses a man who can make her feel secure. Women seeking excitement look for men who can provide it. Nurturing women find men they can nurture. Women don’t choose men simply because they look good or are confident or aggressive. They choose men because of some need that has to be satisfied. Needs dictate desires. Women will always choose men according to their needs.

Nice Guys and Players Page 52

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            Many women get to the point where they desire the Masked Men because they need someone who can provide resources and also has some level of sex appeal.   Also many women want a man who looks good to their peers.   I’ve always said that a man has to not only appeal to a particular woman but her girlfriends as well.   Yet another future blog.

            Now there’s an issue with a woman’s desire for a Masked Man. The issue is that Masked Men in general are not cooperating with the desires of women.   The woman may see a successful man who is a good catch. She may see a way out of her drab nine to five existence.   She may see a good stepfather to her gang of kids by different bad boys.   She may simply see a genuinely good man.   The Masked Man on the other hand sees a hot mess.

            When Masked Men look at most women they don’t see smart, beautiful, and sexy women who they should be happy to have in their lives.   They see average looking women at best who could stand to lose some weight.   When they see women with a gang of kids they see a person who made some bad choices in men.   Even if the woman is a career woman they see someone who is not in touch with their feminine sex appeal.   Mainly Masked Men will see a woman with a lot of emotional baggage and very, very, very few men want to sign up for that.

            Now there are many forces in the world that try to SHAME a Masked Man into loving a woman regardless of her issues.   There are memes floating around the internet suggesting that a man, to be a real man, needs to accept a woman regardless of what she brings to the table.   If she is overweight, the real man needs to accept her and find her attractive. If she has kids by multiple men the real man needs to take responsibility and raise the kids that he didn’t help create.   If she has a bad attitude, the real man needs to accept her moods. I guess a real man needs to accept whatever is thrown his way in order to satisfy the delusions of women who have made some unfortunate choices in life.

            In reality, a real man is going to live by his will and not follow the dictates of people who don’t fuck, finance, or feed him.

            To understand why a Masked Man will reject many women it’s important to understand the price of success. Masked Men are in the position they are in because of hard work.   If they are making six and seven figures they had to put in the work. See in this society we are used to seeing instant millionaires.   A kid coming out of high school can become a millionaire overnight by signing a contract to play a sport.   A kid with a great singing voice can win a competition and become an overnight sensation.   An actor can land a role that makes him a household name.   The thing is we don’t see the work the athlete or the entertainer had to put into their craft in order to be successful.   We see the end result but not the work. It’s the same thing with the Masked Man.

            People see the handsome face, the muscular body, and the late model car.   The see the man walking with confidence.   What people don’t see is the hours working on grooming.   People weren’t there when the man was spending hours in the gym.   People see the fine clothes, cars, and houses but they don’t see the work the man had to do to get to that point.   This is especially the case if the man made his fortune as an entrepreneur.

            Here’s the thing.   When men get to point of making six and seven figures they didn’t do so through a regular nine to five job.   A significant portion of Masked Men are entrepreneurs.   The life of an entrepreneur is not easy.   Many very successful men will tell stories of sleeping on air mattresses, or eating maybe one meal a day, of making sacrifices to get where they are. It’s not an easy life.   Many will struggle for years to make a business work.   Some may give up and find a regular job even though this will slowly kill their spirits. Many men will make their goals and live their dreams.   Now here’s the thing, when many men make it to the promise land, they don’t have a woman with whom to share their victory.   Let me share a rarely talked about reality.

            Many of these men who become millionaires were not considered Mr. Goodbar by the girls and women growing up.   They didn’t have that raw sex appeal to turn on women. A few may have been lucky to get attention from women every now and then. A few may even get married to some woman who quite frankly is still pining for Mr. Goodbar. They end up getting divorced anyway.    Most entrepreneurs go through their hard years without a supportive woman.   Indeed many women will reject these men because they didn’t have money to spend on dates.   Typically the men didn’t have that thing called Game to offset the lack of sex appeal and money.   The men are going through constant rejection and quite frankly the only thing keeping them going is working on their dreams.

            Now when Masked Men arrives in the promised land of success an interesting thing happens.   All of sudden women find them attractive. Indeed many women who had rejected the man in the past will approach him talking about how they always thought, “He was cute.”   Of course these women will not be as sexy as they once were and will have a one or two bad ass kids.   The woman will talk about rekindling something that never really was to begin with and the man will look at her like she’s crazy.

            A Masked Man has done all the heavy lifting at that point.   He is at a point where he can reject women because they are coming at him because his money has turned him into an image of Mr. Goodbar. At this point the only women the Masked Man will only deal with is the most sexually attractive women.   The reason is that at that point he doesn’t need a woman for anything else.   Think about it. What can a woman offer a successful man?   He doesn’t need her counsel or support.   He made it without her.   If he wants children he can find a childless woman and doesn’t have to be bothered with a woman who already has kids.   He doesn’t need her money which she likely has from a nine to five job. Even if she makes a high salary or is an entrepreneur herself he doesn’t need her resources. He really isn’t going to care about them.

            Understand that Masked Men see most women as not bringing anything substantial to the table. When men who are either successful or on the path to success get together to talk on social media, message boards, or in person the topic of conversation will often turn to women.   Two primary things will be discussed.   One a particular woman’s level of sex appeal. Two, and this is very specific to successful men, what the woman brings to the table.   The sex appeal piece is obvious.   The Masked Man wants to know what the woman is adding to his life.   Women may think they have it going on but the man sees something different. What he sees in many cases is a woman who is asking for a lot and putting a big burden on the man but is not really giving anything in return.   For a Masked Man a woman needs to at least be sexy.   Many women are approaching Masked Men lacking sex appeal.   Then the women have a carload of emotional baggage they are bringing with them.   And they are asking the Masked Man to make everything okay.   The Masked Man has zero incentive to deal with that type of drama.

            Bottom line the Masked Man has worked hard to be where he is in life.   He had to be a hard worker and smart.   He has earned the right to make the choices he does as far as female companionship. All the memes and shaming tactics in the world will not change that.   The Masked Man got to where he is by exercising some willpower.   The will is about the ability to make choices in order to enhance one’s own existence. The Masked Man will make choices that benefit him and not other people who want to latch on to his success.

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August 10th, 2014

8/10/2014

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Develop Your Own Style

7/27/2014

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            There are millions of men looking for ways to improve their relationship experiences with women.   A whole subculture/industry has developed around seduction gurus, dating coaches, bloggers, and websites.   It’s proven to be financially lucrative for many men and some women as well.   Thing I’m seeing though is that men don’t seem to be getting better in their interactions with women.   In my personal view things are getting worse.   I don’t say this lightly. I’m one of those men who will dig deep and ask a lot of personal questions if I’m trying to find the solution to a problem.   Many men quite simply are failing to connect with women despite the resources out there.   That’s because there is a real issue with how these resources are shared.

            See men are really just copying the styles and techniques of their coaches and gurus and not developing their own thing.   The men aren’t being authentic and true to themselves.   For example one man may take a seminar where the instructor says to approach 100 women a week.   The man thinks this is a good idea because the he has seen videos of the instructor successfully approaching and even kissing women in the street.   So the man takes notes and a few days later goes out and approaches as many women as possible and is harshly rejected most of the time and the few phone numbers he gets are from women who simply wanted him out of their faces.   The man can’t figure out what went wrong.

            Another man may not go to a dating seminar or even bother reading books. He believes that as long as he works hard, has money, and shows a willingness to be a good provider women should find him attractive. He gets frustrated when he sees women with lazy thugs who can’t afford their own cars while he has a Mercedes C-Class and a large house.    After all he knows other men with the same things who have more women than they know what to do with.

            These men are having problems because they are following someone else’s style.   I written before that it would be a con job for me to teach “game.” Things work a certain way for me because of my nature which is unique to me.   I can tell a man to look directly into a woman’s eyes when he talks to her and she will be sexually aroused.   Most men will fail. Looking into a woman’s eyes works for me because women consistently tell me I have pretty eyes.   The method would only work for another man with pretty eyes.   A man doing the same thing with unremarkable eyes could be considered creepy.

            The most a seduction guru or dating coach can give a man is a perspective.   In my own coaching the most I give a man is my perspective and perhaps what I have seen work with a group of men generally.   Ultimately a man has to develop his own style. He has to develop skills and techniques that are unique to who he is and his mission in life.   He can’t worry about what everybody else is doing.   Let me use the analogy of basketball.

            Of the five players on the basketball court, each one has his own game.   The point guard’s game may be passing and penetrating to the basket.   He may not have a good outside shot but that’s cool.   He helps the team win by playing his game.   The shooting guard may be able to rain three point shots all game but may not be good penetrating.   The small forward may be good at ball-handling and defense but can only hit an occasional outside shot.   The power forward may be a beast on the boards but non-factor for scoring.   The center may be good at blocking shots and have a great inside game but can’t hit a three pointer.   All of them contribute just in different ways. Their different styles are all legitimate.

            In the game of men chasing women a man has to find his personal style. Using myself as an example many things that are taught in dating seminars didn’t work as well for me.   Many men will say “approach, approach, approach.”   Well when I was younger I would do that and get shot down.   Then I started noticing that when I was more laidback or even non-chalant women would approach me.   What I found was that when I approached women they would ask themselves, “Why is this good-looking man approaching me with these corny lines?”   The women would think something was wrong with me because in their minds someone that looks like me shouldn’t come off as thirsty.   I’ve had women tell me this was the issue.   Women have actually told me that I could have any woman I wanted.   I started chilling out and noticed that women would approach me on the street. Even to this day I have random women approach me, flirt with me, and even tell me to smile while I’m walking down the street.   This has been the case even when dressed like a bum in need of a shave and haircut. What I have works for me.

            Now if I taught men to do exactly what I do they would fail unless they had identical physical and mental attributes. See the next man may need to be a little more aggressive while out in public.   He may need to speak to more women and “shoot that jumper” as this one player I know likes to say. That’s cool.   Still another man may have to dress sharp just to get a woman to notice him.   He might need to have his haircut on point to get attention.   Still another man may need to limit approaching women to social environments where he is part of a group.

            In order for a man to develop his style he has to learn how to be PRESENT with women.   When I say present I mean a man has to literally be right there with a woman. Most men when they are with a woman are thinking about doing something in the FUTURE with her.   A man sees a thick booty woman while walking down the street and his thoughts go to doing her doggy style. He’s not paying enough attention to what she’s doing in the NOW.   He approaches her thinking about the future. He's not paying attention that she seems distracted. She has not given him any indication that she wants to be bothered.   He approaches her and she give him a crazy look. He keeps trying to talk to her until her girlfriend walks up and is ready to fight. Yeah I said girlfriend.   If he was present and not thinking about the future he would have noticed that despite the phat ass she didn’t give the vibe that she was into men.

            The main thing with a man being present is that he starts to pay attention to how women respond to him.   Using myself as an example the other day I was coming home from the gym and I stopped by the grocery store.   I had on a sleeveless shirt and some shorts.   Many women were staring and smiling.   I’ve learned that women really like my body so I wear clothes that show my physique.   Even when I dress up I wear fitted clothing.   It works for me.   Another man may notice that women pay attention to him when his head is shaved. Still another man may notice that women really respond to him when he is speaking.   Different things work for different men which brings me to my next point.

            Too many men get caught up in thinking that they have to be tall, muscular, and male model handsome in order to get women.   Yes being tall, muscular, and handsome will attract many women.   The problem is that men who don’t have these attributes feel like they can’t get women.   Bullshit.   I read a blog one time where the writer stated that women are only interested in one type of man; the tall, muscular, and handsome man.   The writer felt that women didn’t have “fetishes” like men do.   He said that there are “face men,” “breast men,” “ass men,” and “leg men.”   He also mentioned chubby chasers, men who like short women, and men who like tall women.   I would add that some men like buttafaces.   We all know this. What’s kept real quiet though is that women are the exact same way.

            Now women are more open about wanting the tall, muscular, and handsome men.   There is a growing industry of websites and even feminist porn where men are seen as sex objects.   What isn’t talked about publically though is that women do indeed have certain types that get them sexually open.   One such type is the Big Handsome Man (BHM) or as their called in the Black community “Teddy Bears.”   To be clear Teddy Bears in the Black community have nothing to do with the Bear subculture within the LGBT community.   Some women are turned on by big hamburger and fries eating dudes.   Some women are turned on by buttaface men.   Many women don’t want to be around a man who looks better than they do.   I’ve met women who were turned on by short men.   I’ve known many men in their forties and fifties who had twenty year olds chasing them.    For every type of man out there are women who are turned on by their particular attributes.

            A man has to be comfortable with who he is and his unique nature.   He always wants to improve himself but he has to be realistic.   A 5’6” man will not grow to over 6 feet tall.   What he can do pay attention to which women respond to him and play up his positive qualities that attract women.   Some big dudes might not get any more muscular.   They can deal with the women who like big men.   The bottom line is that a man can get another man’s perspective but ultimately he cannot be a clone.   All men have to develop their own unique style.

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July 13th, 2014

7/13/2014

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The Male Freak

7/6/2014

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            I’m about to get into a subject that no one really talks about. People familiar with my work know that I put men into several categories in terms of how women perceive them for sex and relationships.   I use the categories so men can know where they truly stand with women and make necessary adjustments.   Women read about the categories to get insight as to why they continue to date the same knuckleheads.   The thing with these categories is that they are just general descriptions.   There are several subcategories within each group and there are several small groups of men who are outliers. In other words these men don’t quite fit into any one group.   One group of outliers are the Male Freaks.

            When the term “freak” is used it is usually in reference to a sexually loose woman who is down for whatever. The thing is that the term can be applied to men as well.   A Male Freak is simply a man with a high sex drive and low inhibitions about what he will do sexually. The Male Freak is someone who is very good at sex. These men are down for whatever with the women they are with whether in a monogamous relationship and in multiple concurrent relationships.   Whatever their relationship status these men are the true rulers of the sexual underworld even more so than Mr. Goodbar.   Now someone may ask a couple of questions about this. They thought Mr. Goodbar ran things.   Not totally.

            The Mr. Goodbars look good and draw the most public attention. Indeed many freaks are Mr. Goodbars but not all Mr. Goodbars are freaks. Mr. Goodbar isn’t necessarily better in bed than the average Nice Guy.   What Mr. Goodbar does is just turn the woman on more to begin with.   A woman gets hot more from seeing Mr. Goodbar and imagining what sex would be like with him.   Actual sex with him may be mediocre.   Many women are left high and dry (pun intended) after having sex with a man they initially thought was sexy.   At the same time I’ve had women tell me they hooked up with a man they thought to be a Nice Guy and got turned out.   That’s one reason you may see a drop dead gorgeous woman with an ugly man.   Sometimes it’s money or status. Sometimes the ugly man had a 10-inch dick and thick tongue.

            See the thing with many Male Freaks is that on the surface they don't look like players or successful men.   He’s not the tall one with the square jaw, broad shoulders, and swagged out like crazy.   He’s the one who’s average height and a little pudgy.   He don’t make too much money.   He goes against virtually every principle in the mainstream about what turns a woman on and the dating coaches and seduction gurus never talk about him. He doesn’t look like the popular image of an Alpha Male. Women know about him even though they don’t talk about it in mixed company unless they are around somebody like me.   When women see a Male Freak or at least someone they think is a Male Freak they will say something to the effect of “He look like he can fuck.”

            The thing is that even a nerdy Nice Guy can be a freak.   I knew a cat one time I’ll call Trevor. Trevor was an interesting dude. The women in the social circle we were in pretty much friend zoned Trevor but he would try anyway. A couple of women called him ugly, he wasn’t athletic, and he stuttered terribly.   I remember I was talking with him one time when he told me about a woman he hooked up with that was outside the circle.   As he was telling me in graphic detail about his episode with woman I was thinking the women in our circle didn’t know what they were missing out on. Let’s just say that Trevor was very creative sexually.

            I know a few men like this.   If you see them in public they look like church going family men.   I know a cat I’ll Matt.   This man is extremely intellectual and can do lectures on religious matters and making a computer run better.   He’s also straight up freak who, though he’s in his forties, routinely has passion marks on his neck from young girls.   Another man I’ll call Kevin is a successful businessman in his fifties who looks corny when he’s not in a suit. He routinely bangs strippers and has a few women sponsor him by giving him money and buying clothes for him.   Kevin will look at women and say things like, “she’ll be good in bed,” or “she doesn’t have good pussy.”   This brings me to my next point.

            Many dating coaches and seduction gurus are in the business of teaching men how to get sex.   No matter how they frame it that’s what they are doing. Now many claim to have watched actual players, and lately pimps to gain their knowledge.   There’s a problem with this which will explain why so many men feel scammed after sitting in expensive seminars.   See many men, and some women, will consider a man a player if they see him talking to or dating a lot of women.   A man who talks to or even dates many women isn’t necessarily getting a lot of sex.   The reality is that some men have a lot of women who will speak to them and many women will go on a date with a man but not sleep with him. A game many women run is going on a nice date with a man, even giving him a good night kiss.   The man goes home thinking he’ll get sex after more dates.   When the women goes in the house she texts a Male Freak and he comes over later to pin her legs by her ears.

            The issue with following pimps is that the pimp’s knowledge is really confined to getting a woman to have sex with other men and then bring the money back to him.   Prostitutes have a very DIFFERENT mentality than the average square woman on the street.   A pimp’s knowledge will help a man POSSIBLY get a hoe.   It’s useless for getting the average woman.   See the pimp is good at spotting a hoe. Even when a pimp turns out a woman he is only bringing her true nature to the surface.   No pimp could turn out a square woman.   Indeed a true pimp wouldn’t make the effort.   To me personally it’s silly to apply pimp tactics to regular relationships.   Men who try anyway come off as clowns.   Plus as I said in a previous blog the books by and about pimps are only the tip of the iceberg.

            The Male Freak, knows not only how to sexually satisfy women but how to truly sexually seduce women.   They see what other people don’t see. I’ve known some drug users in my day.   One in particular said something I will always remember. He said that he can go anywhere in the country and find the drugs.   He explained that he knows what to look for and where to look.   He said there were certain signals a person gives off when they are drug users.   The Male Freak is the same way.   They can see signs in a woman which gives indications of her sexual nature. They can see her sexual face.   Once they see her face they can exploit it for their own purposes. This brings me to yet another point. Male Freaks aren’t as picky as the average man.

            Most men, especially men who sit in dating seminars are concerned with getting the most physically attractive women.   Men aren’t paying several thousand dollars to get the average woman.   Men want the Nine and the Tens.   The thing though is that the overwhelming majority of women are not Nines and Tens. Indeed most Nines and Tens drop to Sixes and Sevens without the makeup, pushup bras, and tight clothing.    Many average women out there are horny. So at the club while the majority of the men are scheming to get at the most attractive women, the Male Freak is dancing with the slightly pudgy Plain Jane.   Most of the men will leave the club with nothing, the Male Freak will leave with several numbers including one from the same attractive woman all the other man wanted.

            Very attractive women want good sex and will look at a man and think, “I bet he can fuck.”

            The Male Freak is open for women period.   He will have sex with the slim petite woman on Monday and the BBW on Wednesday. Now many men will not want the BBW and that’s cool. The very nature of the Male Freak is that he is turned on easily by most women.    A reality is that the overwhelming majority of men are sexually repressed.   The Male Freak is simply not repressed.   When a man is turned on like that he starts to develop ways to fulfill that sexual need. He figures out which women are likely to have sex with him and what he needs to do to make that happen.   He takes an effort to satisfy women so he can keep his needs fulfilled.

            Now someone may ask why I write about Male Freaks.   I find them fascinating.   If you think about it billions of dollars are spent by men globally for the express purpose of getting sex.   This is through dating, seminars on how to get sex, or simply paying for prostitutes.   Yet there is a small population of men who get sex easily without spending a dime.   Many even get paid as Gigolos and male Strippers are basically Male Freaks.   Now let me give you a powerful secret which I never shared. I have said that my books represent the viewpoint of a Mr. Goodbar.   They do but a certain type of Goodbar. I learned much of the sex game from women, mainly freaks and hoes. The useful stuff I learned from men came from Male Freaks.

            Oh and once again I gave a major technique for getting sex from a woman.   Hit up my contact form here if you think you know what it is.   I never said I didn’t know game I just said I wouldn’t teach it but sometimes I can’t help but share some things while getting a point out.

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My Problem with the Woman Want Thugs Theme

6/29/2014

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            I see things different from most people.   My life experience has given me a different perspective on a great many things.   Something that has happened to me since I was little is that I will make an observation about a person or situation and people would think that I was out of my mind.    Every single time though somebody would come back to me and say, “Rom you were right about that person,” or “that thing played out the way you said it would.”   Now I’ve been wrong about some things but I considered those to be learning experiences.   So how did I get this wisdom?   I’ve had a unique life path.

            I’ve talked about in the Why I Don’t Teach Game blog series that I spent my early childhood in a dysfunctional environment.   That’s only part of the story.   When I was placed in my Grandmother’s custody as a ten year old, we moved into new house in more middle class neighborhood.   Instead of being around mental patients, low level criminals, and sociopathic 8 year-olds, I was now around young professional families with well-behaved children.   Took me awhile to adjust but it gave me a different perspective on life.   Eventually I would attend a prominent all-boys Catholic school where most of my peers came from middle to upper middle class backgrounds.   It further enhanced my perspective on life especially with relationships.

            Going to an all-boy school was good for me in two ways as far as my future relationship life. First being at an all-boy school meant I could focus on school work without being distracted by the presence of a female.   Many teenage boys don’t do well in school because they are more interested in impressing girls than focusing on their studies.   I learned how to take care of business and not be pressed about girls.   Second, I learned how to be aggressive with girls outside of the school.   If there was a party I was either there or knew about it.   If I met a girl at a party or on the street I had to get her phone number right there on the spot. I couldn’t watch her for weeks from the back of the classroom. I didn’t get to watch her in the school cafeteria.   No girls in the school meant I couldn’t hesitate when I met them outside of the school.   My experience at the all-boys school taught me not so much how to overcome fear but how not to have it to begin with.

            So by the time I reached college I had experienced the dysfunctional underclass and the striving for excellence middle class.   After my college and post graduate studies I moved in a world of upper middle class mores and attitudes.   Particularly relevant were the attitudes towards dating and relationships I observed with the many women I encountered both romantically and platonically.   See there is the belief that women want bad boys, thugs, and lowlifes. When men in particular make these statements they are only going on what they see. They see women with lowlifes. They see women with men with bad dispositions and multiple tattoos.   So when someone like me comes by and says the whole “women wanting thugs” thing is blown out of proportion I’m looked at like I’m crazy.   Not crazy though just stating what I have seen. And I’ve seen some things that would turn the average man’s stomach.

            The main problem with the “women wanting thugs” viewpoint is that some men and surprisingly many women are seeing things from a limited perspective.   Let me use an example from the animal kingdom; ants and a hawk.   Imagine the world of an ant. His world is in someone’s backyard not extending too far from the ant hill. The reality of the ant is whatever is in that backyard.   The hawk’s world however extends for several miles.   He not only sees the ant hill in the backyard but the ant hills in several backyards plus other animals including humans and their houses.   The hawk has a better perspective of the world around him.   In human terms many people are ants and a few people are hawks. I say without conceit that I’m a hawk.

            Applying it to this notion that women want thugs I know it’s overstated because I have seen and more importantly experienced the big picture.   One of things that is not talked about in a straight –forward manner is class influenced behavior and its effect on male-female relationships.   I mean we’ll call men thugs and women ratchets but I don’t think people think about the overall implications of these terms.   Without turning this blog into a major dissertation I will state that “women wanting thugs” is a primarily underclass mating practice.   I roll my eyes when I see professional men especially complain about women wanting thugs.   The reason I roll my eyes because I question why a gainfully employed professional man would want the type of woman that would find a thug attractive.   So many men are complaining about women wanting thugs that I don’t think they are paying close attention to the actual women.

            The women who tend to find the thugs attractive are usually women from similar underclass backgrounds.   This is even the case when the woman is a college educated professional.   I’ve met plenty of degreed women who were physically beautiful and spoke like they grew up in a privileged environment.   I get them nice and comfortable and their whole demeanor changes.   Their body language and even their speech intonation changes and I find out they came from the underclass and worked their way out.   A lot of women are like that. Women in general tend to be attracted to the types of men they grew up around. If they grew up around thugs they will tend to always be attracted to that energy.   Indeed many women from the underclass look for that thug energy in a suit and tie professional.

            Here’s the thing now. Most women did not grow up in an underclass environment.   A majority of the women in this culture grew up in a middle class, church going environment.   I emphasize the word “church.”   Other than class affecting relationships, a person’s religious upbringing will influence their mating choices. That’s a future blog.   My point is that because of her background a woman may not find a thug anything other than physically attractive.   Now I know I talk about the importance of physical attraction but physical attraction is balanced out by social attraction.   Let me explain what I mean by social attraction by using an example.

            A woman named Abby meets a man named Abdul.   Abby is very attracted physically to Abdul and the attraction is mutual.   Abby wants to do nasty things to Abdul’s muscular body.   They talk a few times and Abby decides to move on. She was turned on by Abdul physically but socially she is turned off to the point that her vagina stops tingling.   See Abby is a socially conservative Christian girl from a solid middle class background who is in law school. She is a fifth generation college graduate and moves in a world of affluence.   Abdul is from a dysfunctional family that experienced several generations of poverty and he has done prison time. In jail he converted to Islam and despite that he still has many street mannerisms.   Abby was taught to mate from the neck up while Abdul let’s his dick make relationships decisions. Physically Abdul and Abby may have been compatible but socially they were very incompatible.

             By the way though I've stated that I won't teach game I just gave away a major principle that a man can use to get sex from a women.   Hit up my contact form if you can figure out what it is.

            Women in general tend to mate within their social class or higher. The practice of women mating with a man in a higher social class is called hypergamy.   The average woman is always looking to trade up.   The women who get with thugs, if you really look at them, don’t have the ability to do better. Even if they are otherwise physically attractive a conversation with them will reveal why a professional man would not want to get with them.   Quiet as it is kept upper middle class successful men are very picky.   Some Joe Schmoe on the street may have sex with whatever woman makes herself available but a successful man making six figures, with a big house, luxury car, and stock portfolio has too much to lose to be indiscriminate with where he sticks his dick.

            Now one argument that men who complain about women wanting thugs may have is that despite what I just wrote the thugs are not so much getting women but they are getting the most physically attractive women.   Actually they are not.   I say this from personal experience.   As I said I used to move in more affluent circles and still have some connections to those worlds if I need something.   Why I don’t move in those circles anymore have to do with my present philosophical beliefs. But I digress.

            When I was younger and going to parties I observed two things: the social class of the party goers and the level of attractiveness.   In the late eighties I used to go to some hotel parties given by some affluent men.   They would give four parties during the year at different luxury hotels. They never put flyers or any other advertisements and yet their parties were always packed.   You had to know somebody to find out the party locations.   The women at the parties were typically upper middle class professionals who rated as nines and tens.   One party I brought a couple a female friends who were more average in appearance. My friends didn’t like the party because there were so many “Black Barbie Dolls.”   The women at these parties were drop dead gorgeous with fit bodies and classy attitudes.   These women wouldn’t give a thug the time of day unless he was extremely attractive. Even then the thug wouldn’t get any further if he opened his mouth and start spouting some ghetto nonsense.

            My point is that too many men are worried about the actions of women who are not even the top of line.   The women on these social networks with the big juicy booties and multiple tattoos are not top of the line. Yeah they get a man’s dick hard but trust me most of them will not age well.   Women who deal with too many low-level men never age well and their looks will fade.   On the other hand upper class women tend to maintain their beauty well into 60’s and 70’s, even beyond.

            Let’s forget about the women for a second. Too many men use the “women want thugs” thing as an excuse not to improve themselves.   It’s too easy to find a website or social network page where men are complaining about the thugs.   It’s easy to complain.   Thing is the women who go for thugs are going to go for them anyway.   More power to them.   My message to men is to leave them alone.   A man should focus his energy on improving himself, and finding social circles containing beautiful classy women.   I know those booty models are sexy.   I’ve met some middle class women with bodies that will blow away the booty models.   Many of those women are saving their sexy bodies for genuinely good men.   I’ve even known some that prefer so-called corny men.   Stop hating on the thug for getting a ratchet woman.   Build yourself and look for classy women.

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