August 10th, 2014
The Reality About Thug Love
Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, or all of your numerous devices have been broken you have seen the mug shot of Jeremy Meeks. Not only has this picture gone viral but it has become another chapter in the age old debate about whether women like bad boys. I mean this has polarized people. You have women setting up social media pages for this dude they never met. Men are hating like a champ. I can’t recall the last I’ve seen anything that provoked this strong a reaction out of people. So you know I had to put my $59.99 into it. I think bigger than 2 cents.
Anyone who has read my books or simply my blog knows I put a lot into physical attraction. To say that Mr. Meeks has validated my viewpoints is an understatement. Let’s be real about it, people are not talking about the man because he committed a major crime or act of terrorism. People are talking about him because he took a mug shot that women find attractive. That’s it. I could see if he won America’s Top Model through a national vote. Naw he just took a regular picture. Bad picture really because mug shots aren’t supposed to be flattering. If a person is taking a mug shot it means they made some unfortunate choices in life.
Let’s be clear on something. Women are not going crazy over Mr. Meeks because he’s a thug. Many want to frame it that way but if that is the case how come the pictures of the three men arrested and charged with him haven’t had their mug shots go viral?
Stop and think about it.
Mr. Meeks is now famous and will probably get money out of this because women found him very attractive. That’s it, ballgame. It really had nothing to do with him being a thug. Look at this photo shopped picture.
If Mr. Meeks was a regular model his picture would still make the rounds on social media through one of the numerous pages which cater to women who like to look at attractive men. Maybe not to this extent but his face would still be well-known. This phenomenon proves something that I have always said: Women really don’t check for thugs. Women check for good looking men who may HAPPEN to be thugs.
I have said for years that the Thug Love thing is overrated and misunderstood. The problem is that women are not completely honest about what they really want in a man and it’s impossible for a heterosexual man to see what a woman sees in a particular man. The simple reason being that men don’t have a vagina. The average man can’t judge what a woman sees or more importantly feels with another man. I’ve heard men say, “Well I look better than him. I’m more handsome.” His buddies may even agree with him after they say, “no homo.” They are looking from a heterosexual man’s point of view though which will tend to be more objective. The woman is seeing something totally different. Over the years I have had women confide in me about some man they were lusting after. Different women of course will say different things but there was ALWAYS one common theme: they all said that the men they desired were PHYSICALLY attractive. Typically they considered the men to above average in looks as they would use words like gorgeous, dreamy, and beautiful. The men these women were lusting after ranged from common street thugs to white collar professionals.
In my blogs I’ve talked about how I grew up in the underclass so I definitely saw some thugs getting women. I also have college and post-graduate degrees. The pretty boys with degrees got more women because they not only had the looks but they had the status and money as well. At the same time I’ve known some thugs who got less play than a church boy. I’ve known plenty of professionals who have to travel out of the country to get sex or even attention from women. The thing that separates the select men, the men who get women, from the non-select, men who don’t get women, is physical appearance. Forget everything else you’ve heard. This is the real deal.
The thing most men don’t get and that women don’t admit to publically is that they are just like men when it comes to evaluating the sexual desirability of the opposite sex. I would argue that they are worse. A man will have sex with a physically unattractive woman if she makes herself available to him. Many women however, will choose celibacy rather than have sex with a man they consider physically unattractive. This is the case regardless of the man’s money, status, or game. Some women may have pity sex with an unattractive man if they are horny enough and the man has spent enough money and time with them. For the most part the unattractive man will be friend zoned.
I hate I had to be the one to tell you.
Now someone may say Rom why are you saying all of this? Aren’t you concerned that some men may lose hope? No. Contrary to popular belief anybody can improve their looks through diet, exercise, and attitude. Women know it’s about looks, so there are whole industries designed to help women improve their appearance. Men need to realize that they need to do the same thing. The irony is that men still have it easier. A man doesn’t have to be drop-dead handsome to attract a woman. A man really just needs good grooming, a decent body build and a likeable personality to at least attract a girlfriend. Every man is a Mr. Goodbar to somebody.
I don’t want to make this too long. Men need to stop worrying about women chasing thugs and work on themselves. If a woman wants to be with a thug more power to her. A man needs to be concerned about the women checking for him. While he’s looking at the thug chaser, three equally attractive women are wondering why he doesn’t notice them. Build yourself and the women will come.
Charles The Invisible Man Part 3
The following is an excerpt from Amanmere - The Natural Blueprint For Relationships by Yao Nyamekye Morris. Reprinted with permission.
When it comes to scoring points with a woman, nice guys definitely finish last. Usually dead last. But Charles did not know this. He confuses the proper conduct for a human socially, with the proper conduct for a male sexually. (Rom’s emphasis) For today many men are led to believe certain things about the attitudes of the modern woman which are contrary to the natural reality. The magazines say the woman wants such and so, and that the man should act thus and so. But the magazines don’t tell the brothers that these things only apply to about 15% of the male population. These are the men from the ‘select’ group who can get away with just about anything and usually do. But if the typical male takes the advice in the articles, and changes to conform to the patterns of behavior dictated, he will sadly discover that nothing has changed in the neighborhood. In the jungle of sexuality Charles will not kill any game unless he acquires the instincts of a hunter. And this is to some extent what Charles is doing. In his interaction with Michelle he finds that he needs to be decisive, to have an agenda. When he is wishy-washy they tend to argue. When he takes charge and is aggressive in the bedroom it seems that Michelle enjoys it better. Charles matures as a result of his relationship with Michelle. And Michelle benefits also. After being together for three years, the relationship has peaked. Charles receives an offer of promotion at the telephone company, but it requires that he move to another city. Michelle decides to stay behind, but they agree to part as good friends.
Charles has gone a long way to shedding his “nice guy” persona. He has developed into a more balanced man. And being in a new environment gives a chance to shape peer perception of him from scratch. Charles no longer feels like the invisible man. Attractive, charismatic women have begun to notice him in the office. At work females flirt with him. They do not flirt with him because of his involvement in community work and church, but because he manifests a more complete masculine persona. It is now time for Charles to relate to a carnal woman, but his relocation causes the cycle to take a little longer than before. But soon Charles meets Wanda, and is reminded by her of a dream he had. He knows at once that she is the next one. Wanda is very attractive, and has the masochistic personality like Elaine. But she is not Elaine and he is not the old Charles. Charles has the same nervous reaction around Wanda that he had a teenager around Beverly. But he is more disciplined man now and it does not show on the outside. He plays it cool with Wanda and they hit it off. The relationship with Wanda however is short. It only lasts a few months. For Charles discovers that she is insecure and somewhat immature for her age. Charles does not realize it, but he is being used by nature to shape Wanda into a more balanced woman. The physical relationship between Wanda and Charles is hot and passionate. It is the most intense lovemaking Charles will ever experience. And this aspect alone keeps Charles in the relationship longer than he would have been otherwise. But that is one of the lessons he must learn, that physical sex is not everything. Soon he learns that lesson, and moves on. He counts the relationship as being unsuccessful but he has gained by it spirituality and carnally and so has Wanda. They part as friends.
Charles spends almost a year in no relationship, because the next female in the cycle would not relate to him. Then he transfers back to the main office, and moves back in to his old neighborhood. In the meantime Elaine has dated several men who treated her badly. After she caught one of them cheating on her with one of her girlfriends, she decided to give a different type of guy a try. So she joined a church. The same church that Charles used to be a member of. It has been several years since she has seen Charles. At church one Sunday she runs into her old friend Charles and they rekindle their friendship. She remembers vividly how kind, concerned and thoughtful he had been to her. Looking at the man before her now, Elaine sees a more confident poised person. The other men in her life had only been macho, but not truly masculine, and each had proved unworthy. Charles was a successful executive now. He owned his own home. And five years of working out and martial arts had created a hard chiseled body. Elaine asked him out for dinner, but Charles refused. He was still attracted to her, but no longer willing to be just a shoulder for her to cry on. He told Elaine how he felt. And although they exchanged telephone numbers, Charles never called Elaine. But the spirits would not let it end there. Charles and Elaine were a good potential match for each other. They were strongly archetype complimentary. The spirits made another effort to bring them together.
There was a former boyfriend of Elaine’s who has abused her. And as “fate” would have it, she ran into him as a club one night. He hounded her and her girlfriend all night. Finally they gave him the slip and left the club. But he followed her home. And he arrived just as her girlfriend was leaving. When she would not open the door for him he became angry. He went to a phone booth nearby and called Elaine and threatened her. In the meantime Elaine had called Charles who lived near her. And Charles arrived on the scene just as the man was kicking down her door. Although the man was bigger, Charles beat him severely. And in so doing he rescued Elaine from a sure beating. The police did not arrive for another fifteen minutes. After that crisis Elaine and Charles saw each other in another light. And each began to se that maybe mistakes could be forgiven, and old misconceptions erased. The next night Elaine came to visit Charles. And that might they both tried to make up for all of the love each other had been missing for the better part of their lives. For Charles and Elaine the alternating cycle of attraction was completed.
Amanmere pp. 219 –220
Yao Nyamekye Morris is also author of the Urban Science Fiction Epic, The Oracle of Khemsa Nu. His website is http://www.oraclekhemsanu.com/
Charles The Invisible Man Part 1
The following is an excerpt from Amanmere - The Natural Blueprint For Relationships by Yao Nyamekye Morris. Reprinted with permission.
Charles, The Invisible Man
A few months after his fourteenth birthday, Charles began to have several very intense and vivid dreams. During these dreams Charles found himself in a sexually provocative situation with a female who was sexually exciting to him. There are symbols and hidden messages in the dream. Charles wakes up and finds that during the night he has had a real orgasm. The experiences is more vivid than most dreams, this is because it is not really a dream but a psychic experience. Charles was both excited and embarrassed about his “wet dream.” But because he has not participated in an authentic rites-of-passage program, Charles does not appreciate the spiritual significance of what was happening to him. He tells no one about his first wet dream. Charles does not recognize the girl in his first dream. This dream event was a marker from the spirit world signaling Charles that a change has occurred in his life.
After a few weeks, Charles begins a series of dreams about a girl in his class, Beverly. These dreams do not end in orgasm, but there is a heavy sexual content in them. Beverly is very attractive, outgoing, confident but arrogant. In the dreams, Charles sees Beverly in some circumstance that is extremely provocative. He wants desperately to approach her in the dream but there is some power which seems to hold him back. Beverly seems to suffer in some intangible way for the lack of Charles’ assertiveness. In real life, Charles has always felt some attraction to Beverly, but after the dreams he becomes almost obsessed with her. It is hard to be close to her and not have his heart beat fast. But in real life Charles sees Beverly react to boys in a very crude and demeaning way. He is afraid to approach her for fear that he will be made a fool of in front of the entire school.
At this point in his life, Charles has begun the alternating cycle of attraction, and the third period in the simple cycle of evolution. The wet dream is a signal from the spirit world to Charles. It is not some random biological event. It is done on purpose to alert Charles that the game of life for him has changed significantly. If Charles lived in a spiritual community, he would know that his dream dictated a visit by him to the local shaman, or village elder. The elder would sit down with Charles and his grandparents, and explain the meaning of the dream, and the natural laws the Charles needs to now acquaint himself with. He was supposed to overcome his fear of embarrassment and approach Beverly. Had he done so, he would have found Beverly more receptive than he imagined. The encounter would have been brief, and in a few weeks would have ended with Charles getting his feelings hurt. Nevertheless, the experience would have helped Charles tremendously in his life. As a result of his failure, nature will make the next encounter harder for Charles to avoid. In relation to Charles, Beverly is a Bohemian. In the cycle; she counts as one of the carnal women Charles will encounter in the cycle.
There are two general classes of personality that compose the two types of the cycle. The first type, the bohemians, constitutes the members of the opposite sex who stimulate us in a carnal way. However, they may have some shortcomings as far as the virtues are concerned. Beverly has an anal personality structure. While Charles is very attracted to Beverly, she probably will not be as attracted to him. There is a down side to any interaction between Beverly and Charles and that is a part of the lesson that Charles is supposed to learn from the encounter. But Charles avoided the encounter, which was a mistake. It is also important to note that Charles has an obligation to Beverly as well as himself to follow through on the cycle. For there is an important lesson for Beverly to learn from Charles. She may not hold much interest in Charles now, the potential lesson she can learn, would be of very great important to her later in life. Also remember, that while Charles may find Beverly very appealing, some other male may not.
After the first encounter is over, the spirits of nature begin to influence things so that the second female comes into Charles’ sphere of activity. Her name is Joan, and she is an intelligentsian. Joan has a psychopathic personality structure. Prior to meeting her, Charles has a dream to alert him to her coming. He dreams that he is given a job to do in a church. In the dream a woman comes to his assistance. He can not see her face in the dream, but gets a sense of her personality. Soon after the dream, Charles meets Joan after a church service. Her personality reminds him of the feeling her had in the dream. The cycle has reversed in its polarity. This is how it works. Now Charles is the bohemian compared to Joan. For Joan, Charles is a carnal man. She sees Charles in the same way that Charles saw Beverly. Joan is very attracted to Charles physically. Charles likes Joan, but is not really excited about her in a sexual way. Charles can appreciate other abilities that Joan has, but at such a young age he is more concerned about sexual appeal and peer acceptance. He is unaware of the importance of this encounter as far as his sexual future is concerned. More importantly, he is unaware, and not much concerned about the effect of this encounter on Joan.
Charles and Joan begin to see each other when the parents will allow. The relationship is not an intimate one although Joan would like for it to be. For a few months Joan’s life is a little brighter, but the encounter takes a turn for the worse. A new girl moves into the neighborhood and takes an interest in Charles. She is older and prettier than Joan and her parents allow her to date. The boys in Charles’ crew think that the new girl is “hot”. Charles likes the feeling of being around a girl that other boys want very much. Very soon Charles decides to put more distance between him and Joan. Joan is rejected and experience leaves her feeling sad and bitter. She feels inferior to the older girl. Her self esteem suffers. Her parents and friends try to consul her, but in her heart a rift begins to form. She feels more distant from Black men.
Charles’ second sexual encounter has ended. Although Charles has no knowledge of it, he is being evaluated by spiritual beings in another realm. He has failed again. He does not understand the game. He has no conception of the nature of the playing field, or the nature of the referee. While our spirit guides want for us to succeed, they can only assist us so much when we make poor judgements. Charles is judged as a failure in his second encounter because he did not stay in the relationship long enough to learn the lesson intended. And even more important, the manner in which he ended the relationship caused undue pain, and negated any positive experience that Joan might have had. In a relationship, Charles is just as much responsible for the evolution of Joan as he is for his own evolution. That is how the agents of heaven and earth see it. That is how we are evaluated.
We skip ahead a few years to rejoin Charles as an adult. He has just finished college. Remember Charles from our discussion of the oral personality structure? Charles is five feet, nine inches tall, and weighs one hundred fifty-five pounds. Charles grew up in the suburbs with one parent at home, his mother. Charles has just started to work for the telephone company. Charles is comfortable in academic settings and in church. He believes strongly in community service and works to support several civic organizations. He is respected in the community. In youth Charles was not good at most sports. He ran track in high school but was never outstanding. He made good grades and the combination caused him to be branded. The first defining moment of Charles’s life relates to his intellect and not his romantic life. This was the day he graduated with honors from a very prestigious university on the East Coast.
Charles was born on February 15 to archetype seven. That gives him the imprint of the “pilot” upon his inner nature. Next is his psychic persona which is the oral personality structure. A quick examination of Charles’ sexual portfolio and general sexual behavior will reveal that Charles exhibits the characteristics of a reverent intelligentsia male. He is sexually repressed carnally, and has an imbalanced sexual persona. Over this is layered his final persona, his outer persona, which is determined from astrology, and he is an aquarius. On the scale most women would rate him a six in looks, and a five overall.
Charles has developed into a pretty good fellow. But he has a big problem. He has been branded by his female peers. He and his male peers have not been that successful in the dating game. Charles’ crew does not attract attention to themselves, although some would like to. There is a saying among them that, “If you want to get noticed as a Black man, you must sing, play ball or commit a crime.” Perhaps that is not totally true, but they do seem to have been neglected. Charles does not sing, play professional sports, sell drugs, or have pick-up lines. In fact he has done a lot of good in the community. Even so, he is an outcast. He has been stigmatized in a very negative way. Attractive women have branded him in the most debilitating manner that a man can be. He has been labeled a “nice” guy.
To Be Continued…
Amanmere pp. 214 - 217
Yao Nyamekye Morris is also author of the Urban Science Fiction Epic, The Oracle of Khemsa Nu. His website is http://www.oraclekhemsanu.com/.