Category: Beta Bux

Nice Guys and Players in a Nutshell

11/22/2015

  Back in the nineties, I was vending at an event in a popular DC restaurant and nightclub. While I was there I passed out a survey to many old and young women.   The survey required the women to read a statement and then answer a question.   The statement described a man who was handsome, muscular, educated, and had money.   The question to the women was what they would do with such a man.   The older women looked at the question and said things like get to know him and treat him with respect.   An interesting thing happened with the younger women. Not a single one answered the question. I saw one of the women just sit down and stare at the survey.    I thought about their reactions and searched for reasons why they would respond this way.   The search for solutions eventually led to the publication of my book, Nice Guys and Players (NGAP).

            The problem is that most men and women think in “either/or” terms with regard to how men are categorized.   They think that a man can only be a Nice Guy or a Player but not both.   A popular concept in certain male-dominated circles is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.”   This line of thinking says that women will have their sexual adventures with tall good looking Alpha males but when it comes time to marry they seek Beta males as stable financial providers.   This isn’t theory. This something anybody with a little bit of common sense sees happening all the time.   How many women have had wild uninhibited sex with pretty boys and jocks when they were young, in some cases having their babies, and then end up with an average looking dude who has a steady job?   Some women even marry the Average Joe and still hook up with the Fine Man every now and then.    It doesn’t have to be this way.   Who says a man can’t be an Alpha who fux and a Beta with bux?   A man can be both a Nice Guy AND a Player.

            When I was selling my book at expos and other vending events I had the same basic sales pitch.   I would say that, “Women like the Nice Guy because he’s supportive emotionally but he doesn’t turn them on sexually. Women like the Player sexually but he has five other women. The ideal man for a woman has the supportive traits of a Nice Guy but can turn on a woman like a Player.”   Women and Players got the concept right away.   They were my biggest customers. Selling the book to Nice Guys and men who thought they had game was like pulling teeth.   I’ve actually got into arguments with Nice Guys to the point I was ready to go to their jaws.   These Nice Guys couldn’t conceive that a man could be everything to a woman. It’s very possible though. I don’t write theories. Every single thing I’ve written in my books is something I’ve observed in the real world.   I’ll share some examples.

            I’ve spent a lot of time in gyms both as a member and as an employee.   As such I’ve got to know a lot of men.   Also in my former corporate life my social circle consisted primarily of educated professionals with post graduate degrees.   I’ve known several men who women described as handsome, these men were muscular, athletic as I played ball with some of them, and were sexually appealing to women.   The women these men had as wives, girlfriends, and lovers, were straight Dimes.   At the same time these men were high earning attorneys, doctors, and business owners.   I knew one dude who could dominate pickup basketball game, then bench press 400 lbs., go visit his beautiful girlfriend, and the next morning prepare for an important court case.

            Too many men limit themselves.   The key is being holistic.   If a man really reads my books without looking for some type of technique to pick up women they will see I give them the keys to the kingdom.   Everything comes down to developing both the mind and the body.   Most people who read my books see that I emphasize developing the body.   What most people don’t see is that I also talk about developing the mind as well.   I saw a negative review of NGAP that tried to make fun of me saying that men need to read more books.   The reviewer thought he was being slick but really he was an idiot.   The point of reading is to introduce ideas to the mind which will develop a person’s thinking.   Personally to keep my mind sharp I like reading books which challenged my belief systems.   Sometimes my thinking would change on a particular subject, and sometimes my stance would become stronger.   The thing is my mind gets the same level of exercise as my body.

            I don’t see any reason why a man cannot be a Nice Guy AND a Player.   I’ve known men who developed into both. I’ve known men who were good guy, do right types who changed their luck with women simply because they developed muscular bodies and changed their wardrobe.   When I used to have a bookstand years ago, men who were straight up, true to the game Thugs would buy out the books I had that dealt with history, religion, and holistic living.   These men became even more appealing to women as a result.

            In a nutshell, if a man wants not just women but a fulfilling life where he is living his purpose he must strive every day to develop both his mind and his body.   He has become both the Alpha who fux and the Beta with bux. He must become both a Nice Guy AND a Player.

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Raw Brotha Replay: Power

6/7/2015

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         I wrote this piece a year ago after watching the first episode for the cable show Power. I just watched the season 2 premier last night.   I get into this show for several reasons.   One reason is that it is the only show I've ever watched where I see myself reflected. I could have written the main character, Ghost.   I am Ghost.   I relate best to men like him who move through the world with power.   Most men don't understand that.   They are followers. Men like myself are leaders who always seek to impose their will even if it is in their own small corner of the world. Indeed the true man seeks to impose his will on himself.

        That's what it means to be a man.

        The following blog from last year sets the key note on what I'm about, what my books are about, what my inner circle is about.

         Power.

************

         This past weekend I watched the preview episode for a new series coming on the Starz channel this Saturday, June 7 at 9 pm, Power.   This show is executive produced by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson.   Power stars Omari Hardwick as night club owner James “Ghost” St. Patrick.   St. Patrick is also the kingpin of a drug organization.   I usually don’t get into crime dramas but I will be watching this show every Saturday night.     The main character, James St. Patrick, represents the essence of what I write about in my books.   No I don’t encourage men to be drug dealers but St. Patrick has the traits that women find attractive in a man.

            St. Patrick showed himself to be a loving husband, father, and businessman.   He has a muscular build and I guarantee women will become fans of the show just to catch sex scenes.   He showed a depth of character as he questioned his decisions and direction of life. Finally he was absolutely ruthless in dealing with a threat to his organization.   He is a very complex individual.   He is the Nice Guys and Players (NGAP) philosophy personified.

            My books, Nice Guys and Players, Sexual Chemistry, and Meeting Attractive Women are not the same as pick-up manuals or even more mainstream dating books.   In fact, the biggest criticism of my books was that they didn’t provide any techniques.   The critics missed the point. Too many men want tricks and techniques for meeting and having sex with different women.   That is not the NGAP philosophy. Instead of PRETENDING to be the man that women want BECOME the man women want.   Ultimately it is about becoming a MAN OF POWER.

            The basic premise of the NGAP philosophy is that women don’t quite want the nice guy. He’s not sexually appealing, he’s like a brother, and he’s just a friend.    There are however occasions where the nice guy becomes desirable such as when women are older and wiser and can appreciate the nice guy’s traits. Also quiet as it is kept there is a minority of young women who prefer nice guys. The nice guy isn’t a total loser, as he brings needed traits to a relationship.

            Women don’t quite want the player either. Yes indeed they will have sex with the players. Some women will go from player to player.   Very few women, however, see the player as a long term relationship candidate.   In fact, many women will avoid being seen publically with a player.   Yes the player is good for sex but he brings little else to the table otherwise.

            The ultimate man for a woman is a man who combines the best qualities of a nice guy and a player. As one woman said to me, “a nice player.”   Now that may sound like a contradiction.   The general thought is that a man can be either nice guy or a player but not both.   There is a lot of talk on social media, websites, and blogs about the alpha male vs. the beta male.   One statement to this is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.”   It is felt by many that the alpha males get the women pregnant and then the women are provided for by the beta males.   Strong arguments for this. I won’t attempt to refute the arguments.   My viewpoint is different.   Who says a man can’t be both?   Why not be the man who gets the sex, fathers the baby, and still be the daddy to the baby and husband to the mother?

            I don’t write about theories in my books.   I write what I know.   I KNOW it’s possible to be both the nice guy and the player cause that’s me. That’s the men who mentored me growing up.   That’s the boys I grew up around.   I came of age in the seventies and eighties.   At least where I grew up in some of the worst and best parts of Washington, DC, if you were a male there were certain expectations that had to be met if you wanted to live a relatively peaceful existence.   One you had to be able to hold your own in a street fight. Even if you got your ass kicked as long you fought back you were accepted. You had to be at least decent at some sport.   You had to be able to talk to girls. Overall my peers and I had to have some level of cool.   Now here’s a little tidbit about me. In high school I was called a “Cool Bamma.”   One reason was that I would purposely wear high water pants to show off the expensive Polo socks I used to rock.   Hey I paid a lot of money for them. People were going to see them.   Also I had nerdy interests. I was considered cool though because I played sports, stared in some school plays, didn’t have a problem throwing hands, and I always knew where the happening parties were.   Plus I was very good at meeting women.   I went to an all-boys high school. If I met a girl on the street or at a party I HAD to get her phone number on the spot.   I was an expert at day and night game as a 16-year old in 1981 decades before the term PUA was ever uttered.

            My point in sharing that tidbit about myself was that I couldn’t be just one way.   It wasn’t something I consciously thought about. It was just life and how things were.   Nowadays people try to separate the two. Always an either/or. That’s not realistic. All people have two sides. We all have a duality.   What has happened in Western culture is that people try to be either one or the other.   Using the example of what I talked about in past blogs about social faces and sexual faces, people try to be one and suppress the other.   Most people only show their social face and try to bury their sexual face. As a result they become sexually repressed which leads to a whole slew of problems. The biggest problem is that they have trouble sexually arousing a member of the opposite sex.   Some people show their sexual face freely but in many cases have trouble in social situations where more reserved behavior is necessary such as on jobs or other public venues.   To succeed in life a person needs to be balanced between their social face and sexual face.

            If one were to be close to the men who get both the most sex and the best women one will see that these men are close to being balanced between their two faces.    They will see that these men may be thuggish or at least have that edge in their persona.   I’ve dealt with some dangerous individuals because of the lifestyle I used to live.   These men were definite players as they either had multiple women or one extremely beautiful and sexy woman.   They were also very gentle around women and children.   I knew one particularly dangerous man whose baby girl had him wrapped around her chubby little fingers. They were also good people who knew something about loyalty and honor.   Their personality traits seemed like contradictions but were really complimentary and made them who they were.

            With regard to women they were men who could satisfy women not only sexually but could take care of the social aspects of the relationship as well.

            So what does all this have to do with power?   To meet the challenges in life a man has to be many things.   Too many men get stuck in a box.   Now as long as life fits into that box everything is gravy.   Life by its very nature does not accommodate us in this manner.   Life challenges a man to grow and develop new skills in order to meet challenges.   Every time a man can meet a challenge he develop a power.   For example, say a man is unemployed and undereducated. He is a low level street hustler. He could get a regular job if he takes classes at a training institute.   He did poorly in school though and ended up dropping out.   In order to succeed at this training institute he has to develop the discipline to study, to concentrate and to walk away from negative elements in his life.   If he develops these skills he gets the reward of a career and a chance at a better life. At the same time he still has the skills he developed while “being bout that life.”   Those street skills can help him in his career because he learned how to read people real well and thus no one can take advantage of him. That’s power.

            The NGAP philosophy is about developing the power to move through life with authority. I have an inner circle of followers from when I published my first book back in 2000.   The things they are doing is phenomenal.   They not only have women trying to get at them but these men are building businesses and living their purpose in life.   They are able to be the nice guy when the occasion calls for it. They are able to be the player when they need to tap that ass.   They can handle themselves with CEO’s of major companies. They can get gully in a back alley.

            In the end it’s not about how many women one can get or even how much money someone can make.   It’s about having the power to stand up as a man and move through life.

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The Masked Man and His Choices

9/7/2014

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            The Masked Man is very desired by women.   They see a handsome, successful man who is a great catch.   He doesn’t have the raw sex appeal of Mr. Goodbar but that’s okay. The woman has had her fun times with the pretty boys, bad boys, and hot boys.   The sex was hot but these men didn’t have anything else to offer.   The woman has a child from the deadbeat with the pretty eyes and smile.   The child is cute and all but also has an appetite. Many women learn the hard way that that the man who got that good dick doesn’t always translate to a man who’s going to be a good provider or parent.   So the woman’s needs change and I talk about this in my book, Nice Guys and Players:

            Ultimately, what it boils down to is that women choose men according to their needs. If a woman needs a man who is going to give her attention he is the type of man she will choose. An insecure woman chooses a man who can make her feel secure. Women seeking excitement look for men who can provide it. Nurturing women find men they can nurture. Women don’t choose men simply because they look good or are confident or aggressive. They choose men because of some need that has to be satisfied. Needs dictate desires. Women will always choose men according to their needs.

Nice Guys and Players Page 52

*******************

            Many women get to the point where they desire the Masked Men because they need someone who can provide resources and also has some level of sex appeal.   Also many women want a man who looks good to their peers.   I’ve always said that a man has to not only appeal to a particular woman but her girlfriends as well.   Yet another future blog.

            Now there’s an issue with a woman’s desire for a Masked Man. The issue is that Masked Men in general are not cooperating with the desires of women.   The woman may see a successful man who is a good catch. She may see a way out of her drab nine to five existence.   She may see a good stepfather to her gang of kids by different bad boys.   She may simply see a genuinely good man.   The Masked Man on the other hand sees a hot mess.

            When Masked Men look at most women they don’t see smart, beautiful, and sexy women who they should be happy to have in their lives.   They see average looking women at best who could stand to lose some weight.   When they see women with a gang of kids they see a person who made some bad choices in men.   Even if the woman is a career woman they see someone who is not in touch with their feminine sex appeal.   Mainly Masked Men will see a woman with a lot of emotional baggage and very, very, very few men want to sign up for that.

            Now there are many forces in the world that try to SHAME a Masked Man into loving a woman regardless of her issues.   There are memes floating around the internet suggesting that a man, to be a real man, needs to accept a woman regardless of what she brings to the table.   If she is overweight, the real man needs to accept her and find her attractive. If she has kids by multiple men the real man needs to take responsibility and raise the kids that he didn’t help create.   If she has a bad attitude, the real man needs to accept her moods. I guess a real man needs to accept whatever is thrown his way in order to satisfy the delusions of women who have made some unfortunate choices in life.

            In reality, a real man is going to live by his will and not follow the dictates of people who don’t fuck, finance, or feed him.

            To understand why a Masked Man will reject many women it’s important to understand the price of success. Masked Men are in the position they are in because of hard work.   If they are making six and seven figures they had to put in the work. See in this society we are used to seeing instant millionaires.   A kid coming out of high school can become a millionaire overnight by signing a contract to play a sport.   A kid with a great singing voice can win a competition and become an overnight sensation.   An actor can land a role that makes him a household name.   The thing is we don’t see the work the athlete or the entertainer had to put into their craft in order to be successful.   We see the end result but not the work. It’s the same thing with the Masked Man.

            People see the handsome face, the muscular body, and the late model car.   The see the man walking with confidence.   What people don’t see is the hours working on grooming.   People weren’t there when the man was spending hours in the gym.   People see the fine clothes, cars, and houses but they don’t see the work the man had to do to get to that point.   This is especially the case if the man made his fortune as an entrepreneur.

            Here’s the thing.   When men get to point of making six and seven figures they didn’t do so through a regular nine to five job.   A significant portion of Masked Men are entrepreneurs.   The life of an entrepreneur is not easy.   Many very successful men will tell stories of sleeping on air mattresses, or eating maybe one meal a day, of making sacrifices to get where they are. It’s not an easy life.   Many will struggle for years to make a business work.   Some may give up and find a regular job even though this will slowly kill their spirits. Many men will make their goals and live their dreams.   Now here’s the thing, when many men make it to the promise land, they don’t have a woman with whom to share their victory.   Let me share a rarely talked about reality.

            Many of these men who become millionaires were not considered Mr. Goodbar by the girls and women growing up.   They didn’t have that raw sex appeal to turn on women. A few may have been lucky to get attention from women every now and then. A few may even get married to some woman who quite frankly is still pining for Mr. Goodbar. They end up getting divorced anyway.    Most entrepreneurs go through their hard years without a supportive woman.   Indeed many women will reject these men because they didn’t have money to spend on dates.   Typically the men didn’t have that thing called Game to offset the lack of sex appeal and money.   The men are going through constant rejection and quite frankly the only thing keeping them going is working on their dreams.

            Now when Masked Men arrives in the promised land of success an interesting thing happens.   All of sudden women find them attractive. Indeed many women who had rejected the man in the past will approach him talking about how they always thought, “He was cute.”   Of course these women will not be as sexy as they once were and will have a one or two bad ass kids.   The woman will talk about rekindling something that never really was to begin with and the man will look at her like she’s crazy.

            A Masked Man has done all the heavy lifting at that point.   He is at a point where he can reject women because they are coming at him because his money has turned him into an image of Mr. Goodbar. At this point the only women the Masked Man will only deal with is the most sexually attractive women.   The reason is that at that point he doesn’t need a woman for anything else.   Think about it. What can a woman offer a successful man?   He doesn’t need her counsel or support.   He made it without her.   If he wants children he can find a childless woman and doesn’t have to be bothered with a woman who already has kids.   He doesn’t need her money which she likely has from a nine to five job. Even if she makes a high salary or is an entrepreneur herself he doesn’t need her resources. He really isn’t going to care about them.

            Understand that Masked Men see most women as not bringing anything substantial to the table. When men who are either successful or on the path to success get together to talk on social media, message boards, or in person the topic of conversation will often turn to women.   Two primary things will be discussed.   One a particular woman’s level of sex appeal. Two, and this is very specific to successful men, what the woman brings to the table.   The sex appeal piece is obvious.   The Masked Man wants to know what the woman is adding to his life.   Women may think they have it going on but the man sees something different. What he sees in many cases is a woman who is asking for a lot and putting a big burden on the man but is not really giving anything in return.   For a Masked Man a woman needs to at least be sexy.   Many women are approaching Masked Men lacking sex appeal.   Then the women have a carload of emotional baggage they are bringing with them.   And they are asking the Masked Man to make everything okay.   The Masked Man has zero incentive to deal with that type of drama.

            Bottom line the Masked Man has worked hard to be where he is in life.   He had to be a hard worker and smart.   He has earned the right to make the choices he does as far as female companionship. All the memes and shaming tactics in the world will not change that.   The Masked Man got to where he is by exercising some willpower.   The will is about the ability to make choices in order to enhance one’s own existence. The Masked Man will make choices that benefit him and not other people who want to latch on to his success.

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Power

6/4/2014

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            This past weekend I watched the preview episode for a new series coming on the Starz channel this Saturday, June 7 at 9 pm, Power.   This show is executive produced by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson.   Power stars Omari Hardwick as night club owner James “Ghost” St. Patrick.   St. Patrick is also the kingpin of a drug organization.   I usually don’t get into crime dramas but I will be watching this show every Saturday night.     The main character, James St. Patrick, represents the essence of what I write about in my books.   No I don’t encourage men to be drug dealers but St. Patrick has the traits that women find attractive in a man.

            St. Patrick showed himself to be a loving husband, father, and businessman.   He has a muscular build and I guarantee women will become fans of the show just to catch sex scenes.   He showed a depth of character as he questioned his decisions and direction of life. Finally he was absolutely ruthless in dealing with a threat to his organization.   He is a very complex individual.   He is the Nice Guys and Players (NGAP) philosophy personified.

            My books, Nice Guys and Players, Sexual Chemistry, and Meeting Attractive Women are not the same as pick-up manuals or even more mainstream dating books.   In fact, the biggest criticism of my books was that they didn’t provide any techniques.   The critics missed the point. Too many men want tricks and techniques for meeting and having sex with different women.   That is not the NGAP philosophy. Instead of PRETENDING to be the man that women want BECOME the man women want.   Ultimately it is about becoming a MAN OF POWER.

            The basic premise of the NGAP philosophy is that women don’t quite want the nice guy. He’s not sexually appealing, he’s like a brother, and he’s just a friend.    There are however occasions where the nice guy becomes desirable such as when women are older and wiser and can appreciate the nice guy’s traits. Also quiet as it is kept there is a minority of young women who prefer nice guys. The nice guy isn’t a total loser, as he brings needed traits to a relationship.

            Women don’t quite want the player either. Yes indeed they will have sex with the players. Some women will go from player to player.   Very few women, however, see the player as a long term relationship candidate.   In fact, many women will avoid being seen publically with a player.   Yes the player is good for sex but he brings little else to the table otherwise.

            The ultimate man for a woman is a man who combines the best qualities of a nice guy and a player. As one woman said to me, “a nice player.”   Now that may sound like a contradiction.   The general thought is that a man can be either nice guy or a player but not both.   There is a lot of talk on social media, websites, and blogs about the alpha male vs. the beta male.   One statement to this is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.”   It is felt by many that the alpha males get the women pregnant and then women is then provided for by the beta males.   Strong arguments for this. I won’t attempt to refute the arguments.   My viewpoint is different.   Who says a man can’t be both?   Why not be the man who gets the sex, fathers the baby, and still be the daddy to the baby and husband to the mother?

            I don’t write about theories in my books.   I write what I know.   I KNOW it’s possible to be both the nice guy and the player cause that’s me. That’s the men who mentored me growing up.   That’s the boys I grew up around.   I came of age in the seventies and eighties.   At least where I grew up in some of the worst and best parts of Washington DC if you were a male there were certain expectations that had to be met if you wanted to live a relatively peaceful existence.   One you had to be able to hold your own in a street fight. Even if you got your ass kicked as long you fought back you were accepted. You had to be at least decent at some sport.   You had to be able to talk to girls. Overall my peers and I had to have some level of cool.   Now here’s a little tidbit about me. In high school I was called a “Cool Bama.”   One reason was that I would purposely wear high water pants to show off the expensive Polo socks I used to rock.   Hey I paid a lot of money for them. People were going to see them.   Also I had nerdy interests. I was considered cool though because I played sports, stared in some school plays, didn’t have a problem throwing hands, and I always knew where the happening parties were.   Plus I was very good at meeting women.   I went to an all-boys high school. If I met a girl on the street or at a party I HAD to get her phone number on the spot.   I was an expert at day and night game as a 16-year old in 1981 decades before the term PUA was ever uttered.

            My point in sharing that tidbit about myself was that I couldn’t be just one way.   It wasn’t something I consciously thought about. It was just life and how things were.   Nowadays people try to separate the two. Always an either/or. That’s not realistic. All people have two sides. We all have a duality.   What has happened in Western culture is that people try to be either one or the other.   Using the example of what I talked about in past blogs about social faces and sexual faces, people try to be one and suppress the other.   Most people only show their social face and try to bury their sexual face. As a result they become sexually repressed which leads to a whole slew of problems. The biggest problem is that they have trouble sexually arousing a member of the opposite sex.   Some people show their sexual face freely but in many cases have trouble in social situations where more reserved behavior is necessary such as on jobs or other public venues.   To succeed in life a person needs to be balanced between their social face and sexual face.

            If one were to be close to the men who get both the most sex and the best women one will see that these men are close to being balanced between their two faces.    They will see that these men may be thuggish or at least have that edge in their persona.   I’ve dealt with some dangerous individuals because of the lifestyle I used to live.   These men were definite players as they either had multiple women or one extremely beautiful and sexy woman.   They were also very gentle around women and children.   I knew one particularly dangerous man whose baby girl had him wrapped around her chubby little fingers. They were also good people who knew something about loyalty and honor.   Their personality traits seemed like contradictions but were really complimentary and made them who they were.

            With regard to women they were men who could satisfy women not only sexually but could take care of the social aspects of the relationship as well.

            So what does all this have to do with power?   To meet the challenges in life a man has to be many things.   Too many men get stuck in a box.   Now as long as life fits into that box everything is gravy.   Life by its very nature does not accommodate us in this manner.   Life challenges a man to grow and develop new skills in order to meet challenges.   Every time a man can meet a challenge he develop a power.   For example, say a man is unemployed and undereducated. He is a low level street hustler. He could get a regular job if he takes classes at a training institute.   He did poorly in school though and ended up dropping out.   In order to succeed at this training institute he has to develop the discipline to study, to concentrate and to walk away from negative elements in his life.   If he develops these skills he gets the reward of a career and a chance at a better life. At the same time he still has the skills he developed while “being bout that life.”   Those street skills can help him in his career because he learned how to read people real well and thus no one can take advantage of him. That’s power.

            The NGAP philosophy is about developing the power to move through life with authority. I have an inner circle of followers from when I published my first book back in 2000.   The things they are doing is phenomenal.   They not only have women trying to get at them but these men are building businesses and living their purpose in life.   They are able to be the nice guy when the occasion calls for it. They are able to be the player when they need to tap that ass.   They can handle themselves with CEO’s of major companies. They can get gully in a back alley.

            In the end it’s not about how many women one can get or even how much money someone can make.   It’s about having the power to stand up as a man and move through life.

0 Comments

Nice Guys and Players in a Nutshell

Raw Brotha Replay: Power

The Masked Man and His Choices

Power

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