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Nice Guys and Players - Fifteen Years Later

6/28/2015

           Wow. It’s been fifteen years since the publication of my book, Nice Guys and Players – Becoming The Man Women Want. What a ride it’s been since I picked up 1000 copies from the printer on September 22, 2000. The next day I sold the first seven copies of the book at a singles party held at a private home. One of the things I remember about that party was a man, who came across as a Nice Guy, telling me in an almost condescending manner that the book would never sell. I just nodded my head like I do when people say crazy things in my presence and kept on selling. Fifteen years and 20,000 copies in print later I’m still nodding my head.

            It was an interesting journey to the publication of Nice Guys and Players. Even though the book was published in September 2000, the journey began in January 1996. I was working on a corporate job, but I also had a publishing company on the side with a small novella and a short story in pamphlet form as my only publications. I had a vending opportunity that was coming up and I wanted to have something else to sell. I came up with a twelve-page pamphlet called Finding a Good Man. It was simply my thoughts on what a Black woman needed to do to find a good man. I saw the pamphlet as simply something extra to sell for only a dollar. I didn’t expect that big a response.

            Finding a Good Man sold like hotcakes. That little pamphlet that I printed myself with a laser printer in my Grandmother’s living room took me a long way. A Washington, DC public access TV producer got a copy and invited me on his show, Love and Happiness, to interview me about the pamphlet. I ended up doing several shows and at one time had an opportunity to become the host of the show. That’s another story for another day.

            Now as I was promoting Finding a Good Man, something interesting started to happen. Men would walk up to me and tell me they needed something to help them to find a good woman. At first, I didn’t take the men seriously but when a few dozen start saying the same thing I paid attention. At that time, I didn’t have an idea that some men had major problems getting women. I knew some men were definitely better at it than others but I had trouble grasping the concept that any man had really serious issues dealing with women. The reason was that my peer group at the time was composed of primarily players and men in long term relationships. It was at that time I started to dig deep and started talking to men outside of my peer group. As I dug deeper I discovered that many men I knew in the past weren’t the players I thought they were. Out of these efforts came a pamphlet called Nice Guys Guide: Attracting and Meeting Beautiful Women.

Nice Guys Guide didn’t have the success of Finding a Good Man. One reason was that I didn’t push it as hard. Despite the research I didn’t think men needed such a pamphlet. When it did sell I noticed something very interesting. The men who did buy Nice Guys Guide were always the ones who looked like they didn’t need the information. In fact, one associate at the time, who I thought to be a player, bought it, “to support a brotha”, and would then continually ask questions. A couple of other men would do the same thing. I started thinking, maybe I needed to take this more seriously.

I decided at that point to write a more substantial book. In the fall of 1999 I published 300 copies of Nice Guys and Players – Becoming the Man Black Women Want. I limited the first printing because I wanted to test the waters to get a reaction. The first copies were purchased by older Black women who confirmed everything I had written. The first men who purchased the book were true players. These players also confirmed everything I had written. So I decided to upgrade the cover, which quite frankly was cheap looking, and go for a more substantial print run.

In the summer of 2000 as I was preparing Nice Guys and Players for publication I had an experience that would change the direction of the book. I was at a pool party at a good friend’s house. It was a multi-racial grouping of people. I got into a conversation about male/female relationships with several white and Asian women. This was a four hour conversation. Up to that point the focus of my writings had been on Black relationships. Then, as now, there was more of a focus in the public media about the problems in Black male/female relationships. Here I had a group of young, white, and Asian women, basically saying word for word what young and old Black women were saying. After that conversation I went home and did a heavy edit on the text of Nice Guys and Players. I deleted most of the specific references to Black relationships. Nice Guys and Players – Becoming the Man Black Women Want became Nice Guys and Players – Becoming the Man Women Want.

So now the book had been published and it sold relatively slow at first. I sold a few hundred copies between September 2000 and February 2001. I was thinking “okay that didn’t go over well.” I was just going to sell out the run and move on to other projects. Then in late February 2001 there was a surge in Internet book sales. Surfing the net I found both good and bad reviews of my book. Apparently people became very interested in what I had to say. The rest as they say is history.

            The premise of Nice Guys and Players is very simple. Women have dual sexual needs. One is the need for sexual gratification. They need a man who can arouse and satisfy them physically. The other need is social gratification. This includes emotional and social compatibility. Players can provide the sexual gratification but may lack in the social area. Nice Guys can provide emotional and social compatibility but fail to arouse women sexually. As a result of this dynamic many women will have two men in their lives: one to provide social compatibility and the other to provide sexual gratification. In the introduction of Nice Guys and Players I use the following example:

            Larry and Christa have been dating for three months. Larry is nice and respectful to Christa. He helps her shop for food and makes sure that her car is always clean and filled with gas. He always takes her to the restaurant of her choice. Larry calls when he says that he will. He never gets mad if Christa says she is going to hang out with the girls. Larry even gives her money to spend. Larry has a good job, clean apartment in a good neighborhood, and a dependable car. He dresses cleanly and appropriately despite being somewhat pudgy. He volunteers to mentor young fatherless boys and is viewed as a role model by many people. Christa’s parents think Larry would make a great son-in-law. What’s missing from Larry and Christa’s relationship is they have yet to be intimate. Christa told Larry she wanted to wait until they were married before having sex. Larry, although turned on by Christa, understands and doesn’t pressure her. After one date, Larry kisses Christa and goes home thinking he has found a great woman. He dreams about the day they will be married. He fantasizes about how he will make love to her slowly and romantically.

            Once Larry is gone, Christa pages Patrick. Patrick answers the page. Than Christa invites him to come over to her apartment despite the fact it’s after midnight. When Patrick arrives he is wearing an oversized shirt, baggy jeans, and boots. He looks like a model right out of a hip-hop magazine. Christa had on a red teddy. As soon as Patrick gets in the door he starts taking off his clothes. Christa gets hot over the sight of Patrick’s hardbody. Patrick wastes no time in having sex with Christa. He takes off her teddy, starts having sex with her right on the couch. The sex is hot and intense. Christa feels like she is in heaven. After the sex Patrick gets up, puts on his clothes and leaves. No foreplay, no afterplay, barely a kiss. Christa doesn’t mind because she always screams out in orgasm with Patrick.

Nice Guys and Players Pages 12-13
****************************

            The man women will be most attracted to is the man who can satisfy both a woman’s social needs AND her carnal needs. The man will be a balance of a Nice Guy and a Player. The man will be the type that can stay employed, be respectful, and most importantly be socially acceptable to a woman’s peers and community. Behind closed doors this man will tap that ass like a pro and have the woman floating from multiple orgasms. Women express this desire for a balanced man when they make statements such as: “I want a corporate thug.” “I want Tupac with a degree.” “I want a nice guy who’s a little rough around the edges.” It’s really no different from a man who says he wants a lady in public and a freak in the bedroom.

                        Nice Guys and Players was not just about a Nice Guy becoming more attractive to women but a Player becoming more attractive to the woman he wants to settle with. Many women will have sex with a Player but will not want to be seen in public with him. This presents a problem if the man develops feelings for a woman. Players are still human. There is an interesting dynamic with Players. Typically a Player can get all the women except the one he actually wants. In fact, many men become Players when a woman they loved rejected them. Another dynamic is that many Players are simply tired of their lifestyle. I’ve lost count of how many Players have talked to me privately about changing their behavior. They embraced the book more so than the Nice Guys because they understood the need for balance.

       Now this book that started off as a pamphlet many years ago is now available on Amazon Kindle.   It will be interesting to see what the next fifteen years will bring.

2 Comments

Always Another Level

6/21/2015

8 Comments

            There was stuff I wanted to add to the blog last week but I didn’t want to take any shine from Shophar.   Thing is we are still in teacher/student mode, only now sometimes he’s the teacher and I’m the student.   We go deep.   Deeper than anything I put online. The knowledge we bounce off of each other will one day change the current dysfunctional nature of male/female relationships. Right now the knowledge is known and practiced by a select few.   We both apply this knowledge in our everyday lives.   When a critical mass of people begin to apply this knowledge the culture, and indeed the world will change. Yeah it’s that powerful.

            Now I’m bringing this up because I could easily act like I’m high and mighty to the point where someone I once taught cannot teach me.   That’s never been my character though.   There is one lesson that has served me well in life. There are actually many lessons but one in particular stands out.   The lesson was learning to be humble.

            Now I know some readers are like “Rom? Humble? Please!”   Yeah I do have a good size ego. Having an ego is a good thing if it helps one to accomplish their goals in life.   My ego has driven me to get my education, to have jobs where I can help people, to start successful businesses, to write books, and to write this blog when I would rather be chilling listening to good jazz.   Yes I will big up myself but that’s not what being humble means.   Being humble means that no matter who I think I am or who I want to be I will shut the fuck up and listen to someone when they are trying to teach me something.   I’m a person who learns from whoever I come into contact with. Indeed when people first meet me in many cases they think I’m quiet or even shy. Far from it. I just give people a chance to say what they have to say.   Sometimes I learn something, sometimes I don’t.   Over the years I’ve had women especially, drop some gems that helped me to date and have sex with some very beautiful women. Let me tell a bit of my story.   No matter where I thought I was with women, by humbling myself and listening I was always able to take things to another level. There were three occasions that stand out in my mind.

            The first occasion was sometime in 1990.   I was where many men who read dating, seduction, and game blogs want to be now.   I had zero problem approaching women whether it was on the streets during the day or in night clubs at night. I had a smooth rap as we said back then. Smartphones didn’t exist so we had little black books.   Mine was like the yellow pages with several volumes.   Collecting numbers was very easy. I had the sharp suits, the leather jackets, and the shoe game was on point.   I always kept a fresh haircut. I already had a college degree and was working on an advanced degree.   Let’s keep it raw, the race element played a part as well as many Black women don’t so much complain about the shortage of men but about the shortage of EDUCATED Black men. Oh yeah, oh yeah, getting dates was very easy.   I had to work a bit harder for sex but I was getting my cut (pun intended). I just wasn’t getting my cut as much as I liked but still more than the average man.   Now the only real weakness I had which I didn’t see as such was my weight. I was about twenty to thirty pounds overweight.   I still had everything else though and my dick still got wet on a consistent basis.   Then something happened to push me to a new level.

            I had a date with this fine woman. She was hot.   We knew each other for a while and had kissed and grinded at a party before.   So we go to this concert. We have a good time with some friends. After the show I wanted some sex. Seemed logical to me. Not to her apparently. She declined and told me why. She said I was too big for her. If I was in my ego I would have got mad but I humbled myself and received her message.   See I was raised by my Grandmother and she would talk to me whether or not she thought I was listening. She told me when I was little to listen to a person when they tell you about yourself.   Especially if that person tells you in private.   She said don’t get mad and thank the person because if one person sees something others do as well.   Incidentally the woman who told me about my weight was a dear friend for many more years.

            The outcome of that moment was that I started jogging to lose weight.   It had immediate benefits as women who had previously put me in the dreaded friend zone decided they wanted to show my penis some oral love.   Even the quality of women I was dealing with improved as the pounds melted away.   The thing is I still had a ways to go.

            The second occasion was in the summer of 1991.   After getting my post graduate degree I decided to go into federal law enforcement. I was in the application process for a very prominent agency.   Part of the process was a physical test I had to pass.   So instead of casually jogging a couple of miles I now had to RUN those miles because the test required that I run two miles under 16 minutes.   I was also required to do a certain amount of pushups and sit-ups.   Instead of casually exercising, I was in full training mode.   I reached my optimum body weight and build during that summer.   I was 190 lbs. with less than 10 percent body fat.   One woman said I was built like a cross between a Marine and male stripper.   I started getting more sex from women but to keep it raw it wasn’t because of the body. The body was only part of the equation.

            During that summer I was dealing with some sex workers.   I can’t disclose the nature of that encounter without violating some laws.   Honestly the legal nature of the encounters wasn’t the most significant thing.   When I dealt with these sex workers they had a lot to say about male/female relationships.   The info they gave me isn’t something that’s in the public sphere.   Indeed since that summer I have read books, attended seminars on everything from men cheating to Tantric sex, read blogs, and have talked with thousands of men and women and have YET to have this info repeated back to me. I have never seen it written anywhere even on blogs where men claim to be players.   These sex workers gave me valuable insight into a woman’s nature. Basically these sex workers taught me how to SEDUCE a woman very easily.   I was an attentive student. The info is so powerful I rarely discuss it even when I’m around actual players. There were exceptions which I’ll get into later. None of my books or blogs contain the info.   Despite what people think to the contrary men who are true seducers are EXTREMELY rare.   99.9 percent of men get women because the women think they are cute or they fulfill some need. That thing called “game” only works in a man’s mind.   Women let men think it works because it’s easier.

            So by humbling myself I was able to get more sex than I knew what to do with.   I entered a place I’ll call the sexual underworld.   I don’t mean in terms of alternative lifestyles like BDSM or swinging. It was a world I saw the sexual face of women even when they wanted to hide it. It was a world where the church lady who wore conservative clothes during the day had sex with four men at the same time that night. It was where that lame dude who looked like a virgin had ten women in a sexual rotation.   It was world where people showed their true sexual faces.   With the skills I had I used to seduce women to pass the time.   I wouldn’t even bother to have sex with a woman once she was seduced.   I got more from the chase with some women.   Keep in mind one dynamic that is true even to this day. I have very rarely been a woman’s type despite everything I had going for me.   When women discussed their ideal man I never fit the description.   I managed to get around that though.

            The third occasion came in 1998.   I was having a conversation with an older woman. To this day I can’t remember the content of the entire conversation. I just remember a statement she made.   Now I had the body, status, money, car, apartment in affluent neighborhood, and some serious seduction skills that I was growing weary of using.   This woman without smiling told me one of the most profound things someone has ever told me.   In a brief sentence she changed my perspective of how I looked at women.   The understanding that she gave me got me to the point where quality women were ROUTINELY approaching me.   I didn’t have to use seduction skills, I wasn’t working out as hard so I wasn’t at my optimum body weight. I even stopped going on dates. Women would just come to my apartment. It got to the point where I worked to dissuade women from coming over. I told one woman I didn’t have any food she said she would bring some.   I had women who would straight up tell me they wanted to have sex with me.   Women started getting pissed if I didn’t show any sexual interest. I was doing this without spending money or actively seducing.   All because I humbled myself to listen to a woman’s thoughts and then changing my thinking.

            One thing I need to say before closing out this blog.   Many will read this blog and then hit me up privately to find out the secrets I’m keeping. Don’t waste your time. First of all for a man to use the knowledge shared with me he would have to have a certain foundation in place. A man who has had limited sexual contact with a woman would not be able to employ the techniques. I had considerable dating and sexual experience when I encountered the sex workers. I already had a frame of reference to process what they told me.   A man who had experienced multiple rejections from women would have dismissed the info as science fiction.     I’ve shared the info in the past and many men didn’t get any results.   Notice I said many men.   The second reason I don’t share the info easily is because one time I carelessly gave a womanizer with bad intent an insight on how to see a woman’s sexual face and he took it and became a more efficient womanizer.   He was the type who would have sex with all of his friend’s wives and girlfriends.    The bad part was I gave the info freely.   So please don’t hit up my inbox asking for some tips.   Work on the foundation first which is the body and learning how to talk to women.   Pay your dues first.

            This isn’t about so much listening to a woman’s advice or changing to please a woman. This is bigger than that.   I’ve humbled myself to listen to many men.   See I read many blogs and websites. I talk to a lot of people. Many men think they are on top of the game.   Many men are considered players simply because they talk to a woman.   Some men think if they get consistent dates they are the man.   Some men think they have arrived if they have sex with a new woman every other month.   One thing I see is a lot of arrogance.   Many men need to humble themselves because no matter where they are there is always another level.

8 Comments

Introducing Shophar

6/14/2015

4 Comments

Shophar

            One of my most popular blogs was entitled “Do The Work.” In the blog I introduced a good friend of mine I called “Roger.”   He was someone who had read my books, Nice Guys and Players, and Sexual Chemistry, back when they first came out.   In the blog I mentioned how he was texting about the several women he had encountered during one very hectic weekend.   “Roger” is very a long time student of sacred sexuality in general and Tantra in particular.   So when he has sex with a woman he calls it the “Lord’s Work.”   As busy as different women keep him I must say that he is a very devout brotha.

            Now it would be easy to say that “Roger” was a made-up character I was using to sell my books. Naw. “Roger” is very real.   That’s his picture at the top of this blog.   His real name is Shophar. With his permission I’m revealing his true identity because after “doing the work” for thirteen years Shophar is ready to help men and women transform their lives as he has done his.   He has just launched a website, http://foshoenergywork.com/.    I highly recommend his services. I honestly feel like a master who has watched his student grow into his own mastery. The student has become the teacher.   I mean that literally. If I write some wack shit on my blog rest assured I get several texts right away.   If it’s really wack I get a phone call.   Thing is I trust his counsel and insights even when I don’t agree with them initially.   The work he has done has earned him this right.

            I remember when I first encountered Shophar. My book was recommended to him by one of my mentors, Master Yao Nyamekye Morris.   Master Yao gave the brotha my number and when he called me he told me his story.   Shophar was a legitimate Nice Guy.   He wasn’t getting any panties. It was interesting listening to him because for a young man who described himself as painfully thin he had a deep ass voice.   I thought I was talking to a Barry White clone.   I would have been done if he said, “Sho you right.”   I finally met him a few months later and saw a shy and skinny young man who didn’t have any game for getting the ladies.   That was actually a good thing. Let me explain why.

            I had a weird thing going on with my book, Nice Guys and Players.   The men who enjoyed the book and got the most out of it were the men who needed the book the least. It was the players who agreed with everything I wrote because they knew the REAL game.   Many of them said it confirmed what they had experienced in their own lives.   Another group of men who got something out of the book were those who able to get women but maybe needed a little tweaking to get better women.   Outside of those two groups the book didn’t do as well.

           I got negative reviews from men who THOUGHT they had game.   These were the types who got lucky every now and then with fat and ugly women.   These were the thirsty men who would chase women, tell lies, and generally pester the hell out of women.   Since they got lucky every few months they thought they had it going on. What I wrote went against their belief systems so they simply dismissed the whole thing.   One man even said that I must not know how to get women.   Honestly the haters made me laugh more than anything else.   My biggest disappointment came from the Nice Guys.

           It was the Nice Guys who I wrote the book for to begin with who rejected my books the hardest.   I was doing one event where I was the featured author. It was men and women at the event. Some of the Nice Guys who were there who had read the book beforehand stood up and said my book was crap.   The irony of that event was that while the Nice Guys were jumping on my case the women agreed with what I was saying.   While the women were nodding their heads, the true players in the room, the Mr. Goodbars, were working the women. Several came up to me after the event to talk with me. A few would later on tell me their stories.

             Getting back to Shophar, he was a definite Nice Guy but really he was a latent Goodbar.   What Shophar did different from other men was that he humbled himself to learn.   He would always say that he was hungry for knowledge.   I didn’t have to argue with him about anything in my books.   Not once did I have to convince him about anything. He read what I said in my books. He absorbed what I said in my books. He APPLIED what I said in my books.   He DID THE WORK!!!

           The main work Shophar did was physical.   Many men search for the secret to getting women, particularly beautiful women.   All of my books focus on TURNING ON A WOMAN SEXUALLY. The dating coaches, seduction gurus, and blog writers focus on the social aspect of dealing with women. They focus primarily on approaching and talking to women. That thing called “game.” Lip service is sometimes given to fitness.   The key to turning on women is not talking to them. It’s not even having a handsome face. The key to turning on a woman is the BODY.   Everything else is icing. Indeed, if a woman is turned on by a man’s body he doesn’t need game. All he needs is to do is pay attention.   My books tell a man how to work off the arousal caused by his body.   The key then is for a man to develop his optimal body.

            Now Shophar is still slim but he has added muscle over the years and many women are attracted to a slim but muscular build.   To be clear Shophar has studied under many masters and has done a lot of mental and spiritual work. The base though has always been his physical work. The nature of the man is to take action. The man is expected to lead, to protect, to provide, and to make love.   A man cannot do these things if he has not developed his body.   A woman is not going to follow a weak man. A man can’t protect a woman if he has no strength. He can’t provide if he is so out of shape he can’t work a regular job.   He can’t make love if he doesn’t have the stamina to last more than a minute.   The body of a man represents more than aesthetics to a woman.   Subconsciously the woman is evaluating the man’s ability to lead, protect, provide, and make love. A man’s body communicates these things to a woman.   To directly quote Shophar, “If you can't walk around with your shirt off and get some attention then you got some work to do.”

           Trust me there’s a lot I can say about Shophar. One of the things I’m proud of is that he is now a business owner. A man having his own business is a part of my books nobody seems to talk about. A man having his own business works to give him confidence which in turn women find very sexy.   Shophar is the icon of what I write about in my books.   He lives in world where he controls his economic destiny and is filled with very beautiful women. This is the dream of many men. Check out his website, http://foshoenergywork.com/. Support him as you have supported me.   It started with me. Shophar has stepped up.   Others will join us. Let’s rise and transform together.

           I’ll end this with a video Shophar did a few years ago.   To follow this path means to bring out all of your talents.

4 Comments

Raw Brotha Replay: Power

6/7/2015

0 Comments

         I wrote this piece a year ago after watching the first episode for the cable show Power. I just watched the season 2 premier last night.   I get into this show for several reasons.   One reason is that it is the only show I've ever watched where I see myself reflected. I could have written the main character, Ghost.   I am Ghost.   I relate best to men like him who move through the world with power.   Most men don't understand that.   They are followers. Men like myself are leaders who always seek to impose their will even if it is in their own small corner of the world. Indeed the true man seeks to impose his will on himself.

        That's what it means to be a man.

        The following blog from last year sets the key note on what I'm about, what my books are about, what my inner circle is about.

         Power.

************

         This past weekend I watched the preview episode for a new series coming on the Starz channel this Saturday, June 7 at 9 pm, Power.   This show is executive produced by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson.   Power stars Omari Hardwick as night club owner James “Ghost” St. Patrick.   St. Patrick is also the kingpin of a drug organization.   I usually don’t get into crime dramas but I will be watching this show every Saturday night.     The main character, James St. Patrick, represents the essence of what I write about in my books.   No I don’t encourage men to be drug dealers but St. Patrick has the traits that women find attractive in a man.

            St. Patrick showed himself to be a loving husband, father, and businessman.   He has a muscular build and I guarantee women will become fans of the show just to catch sex scenes.   He showed a depth of character as he questioned his decisions and direction of life. Finally he was absolutely ruthless in dealing with a threat to his organization.   He is a very complex individual.   He is the Nice Guys and Players (NGAP) philosophy personified.

            My books, Nice Guys and Players, Sexual Chemistry, and Meeting Attractive Women are not the same as pick-up manuals or even more mainstream dating books.   In fact, the biggest criticism of my books was that they didn’t provide any techniques.   The critics missed the point. Too many men want tricks and techniques for meeting and having sex with different women.   That is not the NGAP philosophy. Instead of PRETENDING to be the man that women want BECOME the man women want.   Ultimately it is about becoming a MAN OF POWER.

            The basic premise of the NGAP philosophy is that women don’t quite want the nice guy. He’s not sexually appealing, he’s like a brother, and he’s just a friend.    There are however occasions where the nice guy becomes desirable such as when women are older and wiser and can appreciate the nice guy’s traits. Also quiet as it is kept there is a minority of young women who prefer nice guys. The nice guy isn’t a total loser, as he brings needed traits to a relationship.

            Women don’t quite want the player either. Yes indeed they will have sex with the players. Some women will go from player to player.   Very few women, however, see the player as a long term relationship candidate.   In fact, many women will avoid being seen publically with a player.   Yes the player is good for sex but he brings little else to the table otherwise.

            The ultimate man for a woman is a man who combines the best qualities of a nice guy and a player. As one woman said to me, “a nice player.”   Now that may sound like a contradiction.   The general thought is that a man can be either nice guy or a player but not both.   There is a lot of talk on social media, websites, and blogs about the alpha male vs. the beta male.   One statement to this is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.”   It is felt by many that the alpha males get the women pregnant and then the women are provided for by the beta males.   Strong arguments for this. I won’t attempt to refute the arguments.   My viewpoint is different.   Who says a man can’t be both?   Why not be the man who gets the sex, fathers the baby, and still be the daddy to the baby and husband to the mother?

            I don’t write about theories in my books.   I write what I know.   I KNOW it’s possible to be both the nice guy and the player cause that’s me. That’s the men who mentored me growing up.   That’s the boys I grew up around.   I came of age in the seventies and eighties.   At least where I grew up in some of the worst and best parts of Washington, DC, if you were a male there were certain expectations that had to be met if you wanted to live a relatively peaceful existence.   One you had to be able to hold your own in a street fight. Even if you got your ass kicked as long you fought back you were accepted. You had to be at least decent at some sport.   You had to be able to talk to girls. Overall my peers and I had to have some level of cool.   Now here’s a little tidbit about me. In high school I was called a “Cool Bamma.”   One reason was that I would purposely wear high water pants to show off the expensive Polo socks I used to rock.   Hey I paid a lot of money for them. People were going to see them.   Also I had nerdy interests. I was considered cool though because I played sports, stared in some school plays, didn’t have a problem throwing hands, and I always knew where the happening parties were.   Plus I was very good at meeting women.   I went to an all-boys high school. If I met a girl on the street or at a party I HAD to get her phone number on the spot.   I was an expert at day and night game as a 16-year old in 1981 decades before the term PUA was ever uttered.

            My point in sharing that tidbit about myself was that I couldn’t be just one way.   It wasn’t something I consciously thought about. It was just life and how things were.   Nowadays people try to separate the two. Always an either/or. That’s not realistic. All people have two sides. We all have a duality.   What has happened in Western culture is that people try to be either one or the other.   Using the example of what I talked about in past blogs about social faces and sexual faces, people try to be one and suppress the other.   Most people only show their social face and try to bury their sexual face. As a result they become sexually repressed which leads to a whole slew of problems. The biggest problem is that they have trouble sexually arousing a member of the opposite sex.   Some people show their sexual face freely but in many cases have trouble in social situations where more reserved behavior is necessary such as on jobs or other public venues.   To succeed in life a person needs to be balanced between their social face and sexual face.

            If one were to be close to the men who get both the most sex and the best women one will see that these men are close to being balanced between their two faces.    They will see that these men may be thuggish or at least have that edge in their persona.   I’ve dealt with some dangerous individuals because of the lifestyle I used to live.   These men were definite players as they either had multiple women or one extremely beautiful and sexy woman.   They were also very gentle around women and children.   I knew one particularly dangerous man whose baby girl had him wrapped around her chubby little fingers. They were also good people who knew something about loyalty and honor.   Their personality traits seemed like contradictions but were really complimentary and made them who they were.

            With regard to women they were men who could satisfy women not only sexually but could take care of the social aspects of the relationship as well.

            So what does all this have to do with power?   To meet the challenges in life a man has to be many things.   Too many men get stuck in a box.   Now as long as life fits into that box everything is gravy.   Life by its very nature does not accommodate us in this manner.   Life challenges a man to grow and develop new skills in order to meet challenges.   Every time a man can meet a challenge he develop a power.   For example, say a man is unemployed and undereducated. He is a low level street hustler. He could get a regular job if he takes classes at a training institute.   He did poorly in school though and ended up dropping out.   In order to succeed at this training institute he has to develop the discipline to study, to concentrate and to walk away from negative elements in his life.   If he develops these skills he gets the reward of a career and a chance at a better life. At the same time he still has the skills he developed while “being bout that life.”   Those street skills can help him in his career because he learned how to read people real well and thus no one can take advantage of him. That’s power.

            The NGAP philosophy is about developing the power to move through life with authority. I have an inner circle of followers from when I published my first book back in 2000.   The things they are doing is phenomenal.   They not only have women trying to get at them but these men are building businesses and living their purpose in life.   They are able to be the nice guy when the occasion calls for it. They are able to be the player when they need to tap that ass.   They can handle themselves with CEO’s of major companies. They can get gully in a back alley.

            In the end it’s not about how many women one can get or even how much money someone can make.   It’s about having the power to stand up as a man and move through life.

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