Big Rom Replay: Sexual Shadow World
The following blog was originally published on October 26, 2014.
I write a lot of things regarding male/female relationships that either doesn’t make sense to people or seems like I don’t know what I’m talking about. There’s a reason for that. The reason is one of perspective. Most people can only relate to things that match their own worldview. Indeed most people will only seek out information that validates their perspectives. If something doesn’t validate their perspective they tend to reject the information. That’s the reason why despite all of the books, seminars, coaches, and bloggers out there it seems like relationships are getting worse and not better. Most commentators, including professionals, have only seen a part of the picture and not the whole thing. There were some incidents many years ago that illustrate my point.
When I first published my books I did a lot of seminars. I remember two in particular that stand out because of the contrasts between the participants. The first seminar was with a group of Black professionals. The organizers of the seminar had read my book, Nice Guys and Players, and had pulled my character types out for role play among the participants. They were scary spot on acting out the characters of the Nice Guy, Gamesman, and Masked Man. When they got to Mr. Goodbar the characterization was off. By miles. An interesting thing happened. When the discussion was focused on the first three types the conversation was lively even heated. When I talked about Mr. Goodbar the place was quiet. You could literally hear a pin drop. The concept of a man who had women walk up and drop their panties was alien to most of the people in the room. Well, except for the Goodbar in the corner working his magic on a Buppie with the phat ass booty. He looked at me, gave me a head nod, and went back to work. Like most things I’ve encountered in life I placed the moment in a mental file cabinet to pull out and think about later.
The second incident came a few years later. I was doing a seminar with some true to the game thugs. These were men convicted of minor crimes and were only sitting down with me because a Judge didn’t leave them any choice in the matter. An interesting thing happened. Usually when I discussed my books and ideas with groups the information would be received with disbelief and at times ridiculed because it went against the belief systems of seminar participants. At times I thought maybe I was the one who was off. Then I come across a group of real thugs. An interesting thing happened. After a little bit of an introduction to my books these men opened up about their experiences and told me the contents of my books. Not only did they know about Mr. Goodbar they were Mr. Goodbar. These men were telling me some things that quite frankly a person would be hard-pressed to find a mention of in any form of media.
See here’s the thing. In a previous blog I talked about men and women having two faces, a social face and a sexual face. The social face is the one everyone sees. That’s the face with the business suit, going to the kids’ soccer games, and being good neighbor by keeping the grass cut. Most relationship advice, most discussions about Alpha and Beta Males, most conversations about what women want focus on the social faces. The sexual faces are something completely different. Socially, a person has a professional job, is a good parent, and neighbor. They even go to church regularly. Sexually that person is a swinger who routinely has sex with strangers. The sexual face is how a person behaves in sexual manner. A major problem in relationship discussions is that the focus is on social faces. The whole Alpha Male thing for example is based on a social face. The Alpha Male is supposedly the take charge, center of attention man who gets all the hot women. This of course is based on the assessment of what such a man is doing socially. The man holding court in a bar is only dominating socially. There may be a few women feeling his vibe but trust me they may never go home with him. Many socially dominant men are weak behind closed doors. So why do I say this?
I’m one of those people who has encountered a WHOLE lot of people in life. I personally have been acquainted with many alternative sex workers. We’re talking about Dominatrixes and Tantric Massage workers. I’ve also known phone sex workers, sugar babies, true gold diggers, escorts, and strippers. These women have told me a lot about their clients. We’re not talking losers living in their mom’s basements playing video games all day. The women I talked to told me about encounters with men who were SOCIALLY Alpha Males. Straight up, a dude living in his mom’s basement couldn’t afford most of these women. It’s funny as hell to me that a whole subculture of men focuses on being the Alpha Males they see socially without knowing anything about the sexual faces of these men. Let me share some things about myself to give the reader an idea about why I say the things I say.
In my early twenties I was where many men pay thousands of dollars to get. This was back in the late eighties and early nineties. I was at the top of that thing called game. I had zero anxiety approaching women. To use the street language of the time, I had a “smooth rap.” On top of that my fashion and grooming game was A-1. I also had the status of being of Black man with a degree who was pursuing a post graduate degree. The only real weakness in my game was my weight. Though I’m a natural mesomorph, if I don’t work out consistently I would gain weight. The good thing about me gaining weight is that my body tends to gain evenly and not just in one area such as my stomach. Even though I had extra weight on I carried it very well. At most my weight gave me an average physical appearance which I was able to compensate for by having a smooth rap and wicked fashion game, especially with my shoes.
With my game at the time I was able to date and have sex with some very attractive and shapely women. Now I had still had to put in some work to woo the women. Nobody was sleeping with me on the first date, maybe fourth or fifth date. Of course there were some rejections. Also I did hear the words, “Let’s just be friends.” There were plenty of women in what I call the “Not Sure Zone.” Women in that zone will have a little sexual attraction for a man but not enough to simply drop her panties. A man has to work for a woman in that zone. Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he don’t. Where I was at the time I thought I was at the top of the game. I was getting a LOT of play from attractive women primarily in the six to eight range. Even a few Nines and Tens showed some interest. Then around 1991 I entered the Sexual Shadow World and had my mind blown.
I had started running in the spring of 1990 because a Nine didn’t want to have sex with me because of my weight. I was weighing about 230 and quite frankly getting a little sloppy. During that summer my weight came down to about 215 and to be honest I didn’t think anything of it. I was getting pretty much the same play I was getting before from women in the six to eight range. Then some interesting things happened to take everything to a different level.
The first was that I was in the application process for a certain prominent federal law enforcement agency. I had passed the panel interviews and now had to prepare to pass a physical fitness test. I was required to do a certain number of pushups, sit-ups, and to be able to run 2 miles under 16 minutes. So instead of jogging I had to start running. I had to train more intensely. So starting in the winter of 1990 until the summer of 1991 I dropped even more weight. I went down to 190 pounds of lean muscle mass. I passed the test with flying colors. I was walking around at my optimal physique as the sit-ups had developed my abs and the pushups had developed my arms and chest. Women started going crazy over my body to the point where I would ROUTINELY get approached on the street. Even had some young girls yell out their car windows while I was walking on the street. So I had a body that was attracting women to me. That was one part of the equation. The second part came from some unique individuals.
In the summer of 1991 I encountered some sex workers. For legal reasons I can’t get into the particulars but during that summer I learned a lot about the inner sexual nature of women. It was some things not discussed in public and still isn’t. On the internet now there are some men who called themselves “Red Pill” because they think they know the sexual nature of women. They don’t and they’re deluded. They’ve barely scratched the surface. They don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World. Even some men who get a lot of sex don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World. But I digress.
These sex workers gave me a real education. I already knew a lot from women I had been around as a child but these women took me to a new level. There were also one older man who gave me some insight. One of the reasons I don’t hold what is taught as game on the internet in high regard is because of that man. I’ll call the man James. James was an older Jamaican who had a scary insight into how people behaved psychologically. He could look at someone and tell you what’s going on with them. He would mess with people’s heads just to pass the time. He was especially adept at fucking or as he said “getting some punanny.” He was talking about setting up a 900 line which was popular back then to tell men how to bring a woman to orgasm. He was actually the first man I had met who was talking about satisfying women sexually. Most men fail because they don’t look like they can or even care about getting a woman to orgasm.
The combination of the sex workers and James took me into the Sexual Shadow World. In that world Mr. Goodbar is the Alpha Male. Yet in the social world the same man may be a minimum wage worker or shy in a crowd. In the Sexual Shadow World the men at the top of the pyramid are not the tall good looking men with status or game. Physical appearance is important, indeed of supreme importance but not in the classic way that is important in the social world. First of all a man’s face doesn’t matter as much. In the Sexual Shadow World a good looking face is a bonus but not a necessity. If one takes an honest look at the SEXUALLY attractive people they are rarely very physically attractive in the face. There are exceptions but in general SEXUALLY attractive people have average faces. Don’t believe me? Take a real good look at the men and women who turn on people sexually. All they have in common are great bodies. Many are buttafaces. A good looking face is more important for in the social world. When it comes down to sex, a man just needs a hot body, a decent size dick, and some fair sexual skills.
In this case physical appearance is more about the body, the print, and how the man moves which gives the woman a clue about how he would be in bed. See most of what’s in the media is focused on what women want socially. The key to a woman is what type of man she lusts for. A woman may publically say she wants a man who’s tall, with a good looking face, with status and a decent body. Many women when presented with what they say they want may still reject the man. The reason is that they don’t lust the man. Indeed when many women say they love a man they are really saying they lust him. Socially a woman may want that classic good looking man who seems dominant. Sexually she wants that rough looking man with hard body and big dick who would pound her pussy like it stole something.
A key component to the Nice Guys and Players Philosophy is to be a man who can satisfy a woman’s social needs AND her sexual needs. Despite the talk about there being a shortage of men many women who are even reasonably attractive have two men in their lives. The first man is the socially acceptable boyfriend or husband. The first man takes her out, spends money on her, and provides emotional support. He is acceptable to her friends and family. In many cases he is considered an Alpha Male. The second man is one nobody knows about. His only purpose is to satisfy her lust. He might not be classically handsome, he may be broke, and truth be told not even have what is commonly considered game. He can fuck though. Well.
Now I’m not talking about theory here. During the period I lived in the Sexual Shadow World I would say the OVERWELMING majority of women I dealt with had boyfriends. As far as I know I didn’t mess with any women with husbands. I say as far as I know because women lie more than men. I did know some men who didn’t have a problem with fucking another man’s wife. I seriously consider women hypocrites when they talk about cheating men. When women are in lust they don’t give a fuck. A woman will fuck her best friend and sister’s husbands in a threesome if she lusts them. They will find a rationalization to satisfy their lust. It wasn’t certain trashy women either cheating either. It was something that crossed class lines and even subcultures. I’ve dealt with church girls, nerd girls, and princesses who cheated on their men. Those goody-goody girls can be the worse. The Sexual Shadow World is where that perfect Ten will do the freaky-freaky while tied up.
Here’s the thing. Many men reject what I tell them because it goes against CONVENTIONAL wisdom. There are men out there who think if they just get some plastic surgery all of a sudden they’ll get hot woman. There are men who think if they behave in a dominant manner the women will drop their panties. There are men learning game in their attempts to get hot women or any women. The only thing a man needs to do is develop himself to the point where a woman will LOOK at him and say to herself, “he can get it.” At the point the man needs to be present enough to pick up on her SEXUAL desire. He then needs to be smart enough not to say something stupid and give what one beautiful woman once said, “Instant dryness.”
The only game is lust. If a man wants more and better women he needs to develop his overall physical appearance so that it generates lust. The man also has KNOW that women want sex as much as men. Indeed the truth is the more sexually attractive a woman is the more they will choose a man based on pure lust.
I just gave y’all some raw game. I wonder who will pick up on it. Hit up me here.
Nice Guys and Players in a Nutshell
Back in the nineties, I was vending at an event in a popular DC restaurant and nightclub. While I was there I passed out a survey to many old and young women. The survey required the women to read a statement and then answer a question. The statement described a man who was handsome, muscular, educated, and had money. The question to the women was what they would do with such a man. The older women looked at the question and said things like get to know him and treat him with respect. An interesting thing happened with the younger women. Not a single one answered the question. I saw one of the women just sit down and stare at the survey. I thought about their reactions and searched for reasons why they would respond this way. The search for solutions eventually led to the publication of my book, Nice Guys and Players (NGAP).
The problem is that most men and women think in “either/or” terms with regard to how men are categorized. They think that a man can only be a Nice Guy or a Player but not both. A popular concept in certain male-dominated circles is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.” This line of thinking says that women will have their sexual adventures with tall good looking Alpha males but when it comes time to marry they seek Beta males as stable financial providers. This isn’t theory. This something anybody with a little bit of common sense sees happening all the time. How many women have had wild uninhibited sex with pretty boys and jocks when they were young, in some cases having their babies, and then end up with an average looking dude who has a steady job? Some women even marry the Average Joe and still hook up with the Fine Man every now and then. It doesn’t have to be this way. Who says a man can’t be an Alpha who fux and a Beta with bux? A man can be both a Nice Guy AND a Player.
When I was selling my book at expos and other vending events I had the same basic sales pitch. I would say that, “Women like the Nice Guy because he’s supportive emotionally but he doesn’t turn them on sexually. Women like the Player sexually but he has five other women. The ideal man for a woman has the supportive traits of a Nice Guy but can turn on a woman like a Player.” Women and Players got the concept right away. They were my biggest customers. Selling the book to Nice Guys and men who thought they had game was like pulling teeth. I’ve actually got into arguments with Nice Guys to the point I was ready to go to their jaws. These Nice Guys couldn’t conceive that a man could be everything to a woman. It’s very possible though. I don’t write theories. Every single thing I’ve written in my books is something I’ve observed in the real world. I’ll share some examples.
I’ve spent a lot of time in gyms both as a member and as an employee. As such I’ve got to know a lot of men. Also in my former corporate life my social circle consisted primarily of educated professionals with post graduate degrees. I’ve known several men who women described as handsome, these men were muscular, athletic as I played ball with some of them, and were sexually appealing to women. The women these men had as wives, girlfriends, and lovers, were straight Dimes. At the same time these men were high earning attorneys, doctors, and business owners. I knew one dude who could dominate pickup basketball game, then bench press 400 lbs., go visit his beautiful girlfriend, and the next morning prepare for an important court case.
Too many men limit themselves. The key is being holistic. If a man really reads my books without looking for some type of technique to pick up women they will see I give them the keys to the kingdom. Everything comes down to developing both the mind and the body. Most people who read my books see that I emphasize developing the body. What most people don’t see is that I also talk about developing the mind as well. I saw a negative review of NGAP that tried to make fun of me saying that men need to read more books. The reviewer thought he was being slick but really he was an idiot. The point of reading is to introduce ideas to the mind which will develop a person’s thinking. Personally to keep my mind sharp I like reading books which challenged my belief systems. Sometimes my thinking would change on a particular subject, and sometimes my stance would become stronger. The thing is my mind gets the same level of exercise as my body.
I don’t see any reason why a man cannot be a Nice Guy AND a Player. I’ve known men who developed into both. I’ve known men who were good guy, do right types who changed their luck with women simply because they developed muscular bodies and changed their wardrobe. When I used to have a bookstand years ago, men who were straight up, true to the game Thugs would buy out the books I had that dealt with history, religion, and holistic living. These men became even more appealing to women as a result.
In a nutshell, if a man wants not just women but a fulfilling life where he is living his purpose he must strive every day to develop both his mind and his body. He has become both the Alpha who fux and the Beta with bux. He must become both a Nice Guy AND a Player.
I Didn't Know I was a Thug
I didn’t know I was a thug. I mean, I don’t have the common mentality of a thug nor a criminal record. I don’t wear earrings or have tattoos and I’m well-versed in the use of a belt. Nevertheless, I’m a thug. It’s a powerful moment of clarity. It explains a lot. Now I know why Black women have for the most part shown me love all of my life, whether for friendship, support, and especially in the bedroom. It was because I’m a thug. At least according to the prevailing wisdom of many self-identified “Good Black Men.”
There’s been an interesting trend in many “Good Black Men” saying that Black women only want thugs. Now I find this interesting because I always made out like a bandit with the sistas. I must have been a thug. Here all this time I thought it was because I filled out a suit, had nice eyes, and had those little things called degrees from major universities. At least that’s what the ladies told me. Maybe they thought I was an undercover thug with tattoos under the tailored suit. Maybe they thought the correct English was a front. That had to be it because according to the wisdom of many of the “Good Black Men” out here these women should have ignored me.
I’m making fun of this issue but it’s really no laughing matter. The reality is that there are a significant number of Black men who feel like they are being overlooked and rejected by Black women because they are not thugs. There are indeed Black women who are attracted to thuggish men or at least the men who have the appearance of being thuggish but this is only a minority of women and even in these cases there are other factors to be considered.
Before I go further let me tell you a little bit about myself so you understand where I get my perspective on Black male/female relationships. I’m doing this because it has been my experience that people will try to find reasons to dismiss what I say if they disagree with my comments. They’ll commonly try to question my credentials or my life experience. My perspective on Black relationships, indeed on relationships in general come from what I’m finding to be a rather unique life experience. Despite what the media and even some Black people think, there are several subcultures within the Black community. Some of the more obvious ones are based on economic status. Thus we have the underclass which includes multigenerational families on government assistance, and those involved in petty criminal activity as a way of life. We have different levels within the worker class, which includes the working poor and those with higher paying hourly wage jobs. There is the professional class which includes individuals with advanced degrees and high paying jobs. Finally, there is the Black upper class and I don’t mean rich celebrities or athletes. We’re talking OLD Black money with family bloodlines going back to Blacks who owned other Blacks during slavery as well as free Blacks during the same period. Across these economic groupings there are several subgroups based on personal interests and especially religious beliefs. Thus if one were to take a cross section of the Black community, say a thousand people, and put them in a ballroom it would be an interesting sight. You would have a Bourgie sista wearing the hottest designer dress standing next to a Muslim brotha with a sharp tailored suit standing next to another Muslim brotha with robes standing next to a sista wearing African clothing with locs going down her back standing next to a RBG brotha wearing fatigues standing next to a brotha with his pants sagging. All of these groups have different nuances as to how they approach male/female relationships. My personal experience is unique in that I’ve spent significant time among several different subcultures within the Black community.
When I was little I lived in a housing project in California and in a poor neighborhood in Washington, DC. That was just the economic situation with my mother and sister. Now, when I look at my extended family they appeared to be rich in my eyes. My grandmother and other extended family members owned multiple properties, businesses, and when I was four, my uncle bought me a pony. In the period of a week I could go from dodging budding stick-up kids to chilling at one of my aunt’s beach properties. As I grew older I learned how to distinguish and navigate between the different social groupings within the Black community. I have applied that knowledge in both my private and professional lives. I have especially applied that knowledge in my analysis of Black male/female relationship issues. One thing I’ve seen is that most relationship “experts” view the problems through the lens of their own particular subculture but try to apply solutions to the entire community which is obviously not working. What I do is look at the big picture. I analyze the different subcultures in terms of their nuances but I also look for common factors.
In the Black community, indeed in all westernized cultures, women tend to place men in two different categories for dating and relationship purposes. For brevity purposes these categories are select and non-select. The men in the select category are those judged by women to be handsome, sexy, and have a respected status. To use the urban vernacular these men have “swag.” The men in the non-select category are those men judged by women to be not as handsome, sexually unappealing and lacking a respected status. Of course, several factors will affect who a particular woman considers handsome and sexy. The status depends on the particular subculture. A professional woman will look at a partner at a law firm as having status while a church woman will look at a minister as having status.
Getting back to the notion that Black women want thugs, this may be the case within certain subcultures in which thuggish behavior is glorified, however, it would be inaccurate to apply this viewpoint to the entire Black female population. This is a perception based on media images and the subcultures from which most of the complaining “Good Black Men” originate. From my vantage point the most accurate statement about the overall dating preferences of Black women would be that the sistas want handsome men with swag and at least enough money to handle their business. Even Black women who genuinely desire thugs want them to be handsome with sex appeal. A reality is that most thugs are having as much trouble with relationships as the “Good Black Men.” Most thugs are non-select in the eyes of the average Black woman. Some sistas will SETTLE for the average thug if there are no other viable options and quite frankly many Black women would rather be single than settle with a non-select man.
Before I go further let me explain why I put the term “Good Black Man” in quotations. As I’ve explained above I’ve dealt with many subcultures and in doing so I’ve interacted with a lot of people both male and female. In my eyes many of the men running around talking about how “good” they are have serious character issues which have more to do with their lack of success with women than anything else. In my opinion, many of these men are simply failures with women and instead of doing something to improve their level of success they hate on the men who get the women and also the women who reject them. These men know deep down the women don’t see them as handsome and they know they don’t have sex appeal. So what do they do? They try act intellectually and morally superior to the select men. The “Good Black Men” will especially put down Black women for rejecting them. That’s really the genesis of this whole “Black women want thugs” thing. The truth about the select is difficult for most of these “good” men to handle.
The men that Black women, indeed all women, consider select are those men who are the most optimally developed on all levels. It’s not an issue of these men just being handsome with charisma even though this plays a big role. In most cases these men are also very intelligent and have a lot of drive and ambition. These are men of substance. This is not a conclusion I’m just pulling out of the air. My first real introduction to the concept of select and non-select came the summer before I started freshmen year at Archbishop Carroll High School in Washington, DC. I’m not sure about the school’s reputation in the present day but in the early eighties it was a prestigious institution. I went with my grandmother to see one of her friends. Her friend had maybe a few of her granddaughters at the house. These girls pretty much ignored me until my grandmother casually mentioned that I would be attending Carroll. The granddaughters got real friendly all of a sudden. It was an eye opener as to what got a response from females.
Women don’t just want a handsome man. Many women can attest to meeting a fine brotha and then get turned off when he starts talking. Depending on the character of the woman she might use the man as a boy toy but she won’t take him out with her in public. An honest look at the selectmen will reveal men with advanced degrees such as MBA’s JD’s and PhDs. You will find doctors, lawyers, accountants, ministers, and business owners. One will also encounter plumbers, carpenters, and garbage men. There will be some negative individuals in the select group but not in a greater percentage than there is in the non-select. The main thing is that there is no intellectual or moral difference between the groups. There are monogamous men in both groups and there are players in both groups. So what separates the groups? Let’s get to that.
The only difference between the select and the non-select is sex. The select/non-select paradigm is a sexual hierarchy. The Black men in the select category are simply the ones sexually desirable to most Black women. The men in the non-select fail to make the cut. There’s very little honest discussion about the true sexual desires of Black women in the public realm. In the media, the sistas will talk about the virtues they look for in men but what’s not being said is that they are looking for these virtues in men they consider sexually appealing. To be fair this is why many Black men get frustrated because many will have the virtues on some level but will still get rejected. Then the men will see a woman with a man they consider to be a thug and think that the woman is crazy. A man can’t look at another man and see what a woman sees in him. A man may see a fine sista with a man he considers to be a thug. The woman knows that her man is a doctor and in her eyes is drop dead fine.
Sex appeal to a woman is more than just physical appearance. There is also a mental component which a select man has to bring to the table. A man has to have a certain level of intelligence in order to be seen as sexually appealing to a woman. This intelligence isn’t necessarily in an academic sense though that is important to some women, but more of a social/common sense type of intelligence. A woman has to be turned on mentally and physically to truly be satisfied. A thug by nature is a negative individual who quite frankly isn’t going to appeal to most Black women.
This whole “Black women want thugs” idea needs to be checked for several reasons. There are a few black subcultures where this may be a reality but cannot be applied to the entire Black community. It’s an insult to most Black women, who are genuinely attracted to professional men, blue collar men, activists, or artists. It’s an insult to Black men who get love and respect from Black women on a daily basis without compromising their manhood.
Instead of trying to put down the men who get attention from women or trying put down the women for wanting certain men, the so-called “Good Black Man” needs to look in the mirror. There’s nothing wrong with rejection. Rejection is a beautiful thing because it tells a person what they need to improve on in life. The key is to learn from rejection. The most successful people in life faced a lot of rejection regardless of whether it was it was in relationships or business. Successful people take responsibility for their own lives. They don’t blame the world. They realize that there is only one thing they can control in life: the person in the mirror.
I'm going to start expanding the scope of this blog. In the future I will be doing videos in addition to the written articles. The following video was something I did last August. I address the controversial issue of women chasing thugs. Let me know what you think.
I was watching a video the other day. It was a Pickup Artist (PUA) telling a hotel hall full of men how to get women. Same old thing. I only watched a few minutes when a thought came in my head. The thought was, “That bamma don’t get no damn pussy.” At that moment I didn’t see him as many clueless virgin and involuntary celibate men saw him. Since they were paying lots of money to sit and listen to him they obviously saw him as a player, ladies’ man, Alpha Male, whateva. I doubt this bamma even got pity sex from a woman. The reason I felt this way because despite sounding confident and knowledgeable he missed one key ingredient that drives women wild. He didn’t have The Wolf.
Now what is The Wolf? To know The Wolf, one has to understand the three levels of real sexual attraction. The first level is physical appearance. The foundation of sexually arousing a person is having a good body build. No amount of political correctness will change this. Different groups of people are trying to alter this reality but movements that came about in the last fifty years are not going to change millions of years of evolution. The only law nature adheres to is “survival of the fittest.” The second level is the ability to emotionally connect with another person. Two people physically attracted to each other go on a date but find they are incompatible. The potential of a relationship is not there. Most relationship advice focuses on the first two levels whether it’s the dating coach, therapist, or Tantra Master. Then there’s a third level which no one seems to talk about. The Wolf.
The third level of sexual attraction is primal. The body and mind are at best outer representations of an inner thing. That thing is energy. It is intangible. You can’t see it. A person can most certainly feel it even it’s on a subconscious level. In a woman it is the energy that draws a man to want to impregnate her. A woman’s egg does not leave the body to find a sperm. To reproduce a woman has to entice a man to her. This energy makes a woman passive and receptive. She is a juicy fruit on a tree. Subconsciously the energy is saying to the man, “come get this fruit.” In a man, it is the energy that moves a man to take ACTION to get the fruit. The primal masculine energy makes the man assertive and aggressive. The man will only reproduce if the sperm leaves his body and enters a woman’s body in search of the egg. Thus we have The Wolf.
The Wolf isn’t that suit and tie dude flashing his money and playing up his status. The Wolf isn’t that passive aggressive dude using some type of game to get with a woman. The Wolf isn’t about the money. The Wolf isn’t about talking. The Wolf is about energy. When a woman looks at The Wolf she will feel that energy. The Wolf doesn’t have to say a word. The very presentation of The Wolf says to the woman, “I will pick you up and slam against you the wall and bang the living shit out of you. You will scream at the top of your lungs in pure ecstasy as I take you to the highest levels of orgasm. You will feel the raw lust is that is aroused by the very sight, smell and touch of you. I will take that muthafucking pussy!” All this is communicated to a woman in mere seconds. A woman sees a man radiating this type of energy and she has three orgasms on the spot.
A man knows when another man has that energy because he will either feel scared and his muscles will tense to prepare him to fight. Many men who practice what they consider to be “game” try to “out Alpha” other men in their social groups. They will use verbal putdowns to impress the women. These men don’t have The Wolf. Men who have The Wolf don’t talk much when confronting or competing with other men. Most men do not fuck with The Wolf. It’s hard to adequately describe this energy because it is primal and older than human communication. It’s like charisma, you know it when you see it. You feel it.
The Wolf is highly suppressed in this society. Men don’t really do anything to bring out The Wolf. Men can get in trouble for merely looking at a woman with The Wolf energy which is simply raw lust. It’s not just sex. The Wolf is also a fighter but how much do men really fight with their hands now? Guns are for cowards. It doesn’t take courage or heart to fire a gun at someone. The Wolf fights with his hands. That’s raw aggression. Men watch TV to watch other men be men. The Wolf is a hunter. How many men truly hunt for their food and not just for sport? Many men are becoming like women energetically. Muscular men get so much attention not because they are muscular but because there is little competition. Men are physically looking soft. And they have the nerve to wonder why women ain’t giving them no pussy.
With the Wolf being so suppressed many men are turning to money and game to make up for what they lack inside. Yeah I said it. There are many men who have nice bodies, are handsome, and they have an above average economic status. Yet they have trouble getting women. These are Masked Men who lack The Wolf. Men who rely on game have it worse. They lie to themselves thinking they are winning but if a man has to use strategy, wordplay, and quite frankly deceptive tricks they don’t have The Wolf. The Wolf can walk down the street minding his own business and have women get wet just from looking and more importantly feeling him.
If a man has to use money, game, or even looks to get women he doesn’t have The Wolf.
Now there are some men who do have The Wolf. They are the Bad Boys and Thugs out there. To be clear not every Bad Boy has The Wolf. Many of these so-called Thugs are nothing but a type of Masked Man. Anybody can get a tattoo. There are doctors and lawyers with tattoos. It’s easy to take the appearance of a rebel. I’ve mentioned before on this blog that I did a seminar with true to the game Thugs. These were men with criminal records and The Wolf. Dangerous men. Not a single one had a tattoo. Indeed from appearances alone it looked like I was at a bible study.
Getting back to Bad Boys with The Wolf the thing to understand is that the very nature of the energy makes it hard for a man to conform. It’s takes a lot of will-power. Someone with The Wolf has hard time following society’s rules. Most of the laws and customs are tools used by the elite to control the movement of people. The Wolf isn’t a sheep. The Bad Boy is seen as such because he doesn’t follow the rules. When women are drawn to Bad Boys or Thugs they are really drawn to their energy. A store clerk with the same energy will draw just as many women as a Thug. Ask me how I know.
If someone really reads my books what I do is give someone the blueprint for unleashing The Wolf. Society needs men to be men. A man’s nature is to bring order out of chaos. To bring order a man needs to maximize his potential.
Do the work and unleash the beast.
Stand With Me
For the most part my blogs are directed at a broad audience. I have readers from all over the world. They are men and women, all races and nationalities. So I write in very broad terms when I discuss relationship issues. This particular blog will be different in that it is directed at Black men. It is nothing against any other gender, race, or nationality. I need to speak on something that is particular to Black men.
My last blog, was entitled “Do Right Men Win in the End.” It spoke to a particular class of Nice Guys who are just really good individuals. Men who may not have movie star looks or six figure incomes. Men who are not into playing games in order to get into relationships. My contention was that these men win in the end in that they end up with positive relationships. The blog was shared on social media by some faithful readers. The response was very positive. Even the criticism was very constructive and gave me some things to consider. Many Black men saw themselves in the blog and contacted me privately to share their viewpoints and most importantly their stories.
I have heard you.
I understand your pain. In the media we always see images of Black men either behaving badly and in other demeaning ways. The only real exception are shows dealing with sports. Even on the internet a video of a Black man acting stupid is likely to go viral and get thousands of likes and comments. Yet stories of private schools sending 100% of their Black boys to college barely register on the radar. How often do we see that? We always see stories or status updates where women, our beautiful sistas, are constantly saying “Black men ain’t shit” or “Where are the good Black men?” Those are some of the nicer comments. Many Black men have said, “I’m right here and I’m doing something with my life.” Many Black men, many Do Right Black Men, are walking through life feeling invisible. So why are they feeling invisible? Let's get raw as to the reasons why.
Many of these brothas aren’t looking like Idris Elba or Boris Kudjoe or whoever the flavor of the day is. These brothas are not pushing late model luxury cars with six figure salaries. In the Black community the pretty boys and money men are the alpha males. It has nothing to do with character, integrity or responsibility. That’s why a man who has 34 children by several woman can get a reality show on a network owned by a Black woman. A man who was irresponsible can be economically empowered and a Do Right Man who believes in marriage before having children can’t get a fucking “Attaboy!” Worse that brotha may be called corny or lame for not having any children.
That whole being corny or lame is something else Do Right Men have to deal with. I knew a man who was educated, a professional, tall, muscular, and handsome. He was an overall good person. Yet his wife separated from him because she considered him “corny and lame.” I guess the gold tooth married man she fell in love with who cursed her out regularly was “cool.” Many Black men feel they have to have tattoos and a thug persona in order to attract Black women. Even though I have gone on record to say that Black women don’t all chase thugs it happens enough for the average man on the street to draw this conclusion. The bottom line is that the Do Right Man is not feeling the love. That’s where Brazil comes in.
There’s been a big deal made about Black men who travel to places like Brazil and the Dominican Republic on sex vacations. Something that is not being said is all the men going to these places are not always dealing with sex workers. There are many Black men who marry women from these other countries. Even though many American Black women may not see it this way the women in Brazil are still Black and quite frankly many practice cultural and spiritual traditions that go back to the African continent. I’ve talked with several men who have traveled to Brazil and the like. They are not going for sex. Let me say that again. These Black men are not traveling to Brazil for sex. They are traveling for validation. They are traveling to be acknowledged. They are traveling so that for at least a few days they are not invisible. Just like women need attention so do men. I’ve known men regardless of race who may frequent particular restaurants because they know the waitresses will at least smile and be nice to them. Many men suffer depression because women don’t see them.
There’s many things I could say. Thing is there are numerous blogs, websites, and social media pages that talk about these issues and more. Other than a few paragraphs in the context of this blog I really don’t care to add to the complaints. As a result of my life experience I see things from a different perspective. In my life on the surface I’m quite sure I seemed like the classic Do Right Man but I really wasn’t. No I didn’t have tattoos and I didn’t look like the popular image of a player. Indeed many women I dated said I had that “Clark Kent” thing going on as I used to wear big glasses. Behind closed doors I was tapping that ass. Many of the woman I dealt with had boyfriends. A couple were separated from their husbands. I was the villain in some stories. That’s why I roll my eyes when women complain about cheating. Women are way better at it. Ask me how I know.
The thing is if I see a problem I do something about it. There’s a problem in Black male/ female relationships. Every few years a major television network will do a special on the problems. It’s become a multi-million dollar industry. It will probably grow into a billion dollar industry. The “experts” are not going to solve anything even if they have legitimate answers. There’s too much money to be made. For example there are many Black male relationship commentators who make their money telling Black women what they want to hear. These men aren’t going to jeopardize their book deals and TV shows to be honest with Black women. Indeed the industry is about telling people what they want to hear. If there’s going to be a change it needs to come from the grassroots. This is where the Do Right Men come in.
Anyone who has followed my blog for a long time know that I study the social dynamics of different subcultures. The problem in Black male/female relationships is really a problem with the subcultural matrix. Black America as a whole exists as a subculture within the larger White American mainstream culture. There are many dynamics that occur in Black relationships that do not exist in the mainstream culture. A great example of this is that a Black person’s skin complexion and grade of hair affects their placement within the sexual hierarchy. I talk a lot about men in the Mr. Goodbar category. Most Black Mr. Goodbars are lighter in skin complexion with a grade of hair which suggests a mixed ancestry. Colorism and hair politics play a role in Black relationships. There are other examples as well. The bottom line is that it all comes down to culture. To me the obvious thing to do is to fix the culture, particularly the relationship culture.
In mainstream relationships in general and in the Black community in particular women place men into two categories for dating and relationships, Select and Non-Select. I’ve said this several times in my blogs. In a nutshell the Select men get the panties and the Non-Select don’t. The Do Right Men spend most of their time in the Non-Select category unless they build their finances and move into the Select. The Do Right Men however are close to that borderline between Select and Non-Select. They tend to get attention as women get older and get tired of being dogged by Select men. Women get tired of dealing with mostly irresponsible pretty boys who have no intentions of committing. Many women just use pretty boys for sex anyway. Women then move on to the Money Men. Women find out the hard way that Money Men are very hard on women. A Pretty Boy may deal with a plain looking woman who is slightly overweight, especially if he needs a place to stay and she is extremely receptive. The Money Man, however, only wants to deal with a Black Barbie. Most Black women, indeed most women period, don’t look like Barbie. Most Black women will not be able to be in a committed relationship with a Select Brotha. Yet many want a committed relationship. Do Right Men all of sudden start looking real good.
The first thing the Do Right Men have to realize is that the whole select/non-select thing is fluid. A woman’s select group at 20 will change by the time she is 30 and change even more by the time she is 40. Many men who are non-select at 20 start looking real good at forty. If one thinks about it most male sex symbols in the entertainment industry are in their forties, fifties and even sixties. Women tend to become unattractive as they age while men become more attractive. So the first thing is that men have to have the mindset that no matter where they are currently at, the odds are ever in their favor to improve their station.
So knowing that things will get better the Do Right Men have to accept that they have the power. A foundation of my books and blogs is that women choose the men. That doesn’t mean men have to accept the choice. A woman choosing a man doesn’t mean he has to choose her back. He has the power. Black women use many shaming tactics to get men to accept them regardless of physical appearance, prior children, and emotional baggage. Whatever. Stand your ground Do Right Men. If a woman has to use a shaming tactic to get you to like her she ain’t worth shit. A woman who is about something doesn’t have to shame men into wanting her. A man will want her, weight issues and kids. The women with the shaming tactics, let them burn.
The Do Right Man is the key to this whole system. For a very long time I thought Mr. Goodbar was the key to changing this culture but experience and insight has caused me to change that viewpoint. Mr. Goodbar is getting too much easy pussy to change anything. That’s like asking a Lion to ignore a herd of antelopes. The Do Right Man is the key because he’s the one who maintains some type of order. A pretty boy may physically satisfy a woman for 20 minutes. The Money Man may be able to take the woman on weekend getaway. When it gets down the business of life and long term quality of living, that’s the Do Right Man’s domain. The Do Right Man has to understand that he is the fallback and reject that position. Women want to have their fun and then get a Do Right Man. Screw that. Don’t accept being the clean-up man.
One thing many Do Right Men can do is start validating the Do Right Women. In the Black community for all the talk of Black women being overweight and baby mamas, there are many women who go against these stereotypes. There many single Black women who are at least decent looking, in good shape and don’t have children. Some might have children and still have a lot going on. All women don’t have children with trifling men. Couples break up, that’s life. Many Black women don’t want a pretty boy and are not impressed by a man’s money. I’ve met many single sistas who want to build with a positive Black man. Start validating the positive sisters and stop paying so much attention to the thots and ratchets. So many Black men have blogs, websites, and social media pages where thots and ratchets are put on blast. Too much time is given to women who quite frankly like the attention. There are many women out there who are attractive and positive. I know because that’s what I focus on. I could probably get at least 100 such women in a room with little effort. The Do Right Man has to focus on these women.
It’s time for a change. It’s time for the Do Right Men to come together to change this relationship culture. To the Do Right Man reading these words. Stand with me. Let’s change this thing. I want a world where my sons can be free to be their authentic selves without having to conform to a woman’s twisted version of masculinity. I can’t do it by myself. Stand with me. I know the way. Hit me up here and let’s rise and transform together.
Develop Your Own Style
There are millions of men looking for ways to improve their relationship experiences with women. A whole subculture/industry has developed around seduction gurus, dating coaches, bloggers, and websites. It’s proven to be financially lucrative for many men and some women as well. Thing I’m seeing though is that men don’t seem to be getting better in their interactions with women. In my personal view things are getting worse. I don’t say this lightly. I’m one of those men who will dig deep and ask a lot of personal questions if I’m trying to find the solution to a problem. Many men quite simply are failing to connect with women despite the resources out there. That’s because there is a real issue with how these resources are shared.
See men are really just copying the styles and techniques of their coaches and gurus and not developing their own thing. The men aren’t being authentic and true to themselves. For example one man may take a seminar where the instructor says to approach 100 women a week. The man thinks this is a good idea because the he has seen videos of the instructor successfully approaching and even kissing women in the street. So the man takes notes and a few days later goes out and approaches as many women as possible and is harshly rejected most of the time and the few phone numbers he gets are from women who simply wanted him out of their faces. The man can’t figure out what went wrong.
Another man may not go to a dating seminar or even bother reading books. He believes that as long as he works hard, has money, and shows a willingness to be a good provider women should find him attractive. He gets frustrated when he sees women with lazy thugs who can’t afford their own cars while he has a Mercedes C-Class and a large house. After all he knows other men with the same things who have more women than they know what to do with.
These men are having problems because they are following someone else’s style. I written before that it would be a con job for me to teach “game.” Things work a certain way for me because of my nature which is unique to me. I can tell a man to look directly into a woman’s eyes when he talks to her and she will be sexually aroused. Most men will fail. Looking into a woman’s eyes works for me because women consistently tell me I have pretty eyes. The method would only work for another man with pretty eyes. A man doing the same thing with unremarkable eyes could be considered creepy.
The most a seduction guru or dating coach can give a man is a perspective. In my own coaching the most I give a man is my perspective and perhaps what I have seen work with a group of men generally. Ultimately a man has to develop his own style. He has to develop skills and techniques that are unique to who he is and his mission in life. He can’t worry about what everybody else is doing. Let me use the analogy of basketball.
Of the five players on the basketball court, each one has his own game. The point guard’s game may be passing and penetrating to the basket. He may not have a good outside shot but that’s cool. He helps the team win by playing his game. The shooting guard may be able to rain three point shots all game but may not be good penetrating. The small forward may be good at ball-handling and defense but can only hit an occasional outside shot. The power forward may be a beast on the boards but non-factor for scoring. The center may be good at blocking shots and have a great inside game but can’t hit a three pointer. All of them contribute just in different ways. Their different styles are all legitimate.
In the game of men chasing women a man has to find his personal style. Using myself as an example many things that are taught in dating seminars didn’t work as well for me. Many men will say “approach, approach, approach.” Well when I was younger I would do that and get shot down. Then I started noticing that when I was more laidback or even non-chalant women would approach me. What I found was that when I approached women they would ask themselves, “Why is this good-looking man approaching me with these corny lines?” The women would think something was wrong with me because in their minds someone that looks like me shouldn’t come off as thirsty. I’ve had women tell me this was the issue. Women have actually told me that I could have any woman I wanted. I started chilling out and noticed that women would approach me on the street. Even to this day I have random women approach me, flirt with me, and even tell me to smile while I’m walking down the street. This has been the case even when dressed like a bum in need of a shave and haircut. What I have works for me.
Now if I taught men to do exactly what I do they would fail unless they had identical physical and mental attributes. See the next man may need to be a little more aggressive while out in public. He may need to speak to more women and “shoot that jumper” as this one player I know likes to say. That’s cool. Still another man may have to dress sharp just to get a woman to notice him. He might need to have his haircut on point to get attention. Still another man may need to limit approaching women to social environments where he is part of a group.
In order for a man to develop his style he has to learn how to be PRESENT with women. When I say present I mean a man has to literally be right there with a woman. Most men when they are with a woman are thinking about doing something in the FUTURE with her. A man sees a thick booty woman while walking down the street and his thoughts go to doing her doggy style. He’s not paying enough attention to what she’s doing in the NOW. He approaches her thinking about the future. He's not paying attention that she seems distracted. She has not given him any indication that she wants to be bothered. He approaches her and she give him a crazy look. He keeps trying to talk to her until her girlfriend walks up and is ready to fight. Yeah I said girlfriend. If he was present and not thinking about the future he would have noticed that despite the phat ass she didn’t give the vibe that she was into men.
The main thing with a man being present is that he starts to pay attention to how women respond to him. Using myself as an example the other day I was coming home from the gym and I stopped by the grocery store. I had on a sleeveless shirt and some shorts. Many women were staring and smiling. I’ve learned that women really like my body so I wear clothes that show my physique. Even when I dress up I wear fitted clothing. It works for me. Another man may notice that women pay attention to him when his head is shaved. Still another man may notice that women really respond to him when he is speaking. Different things work for different men which brings me to my next point.
Too many men get caught up in thinking that they have to be tall, muscular, and male model handsome in order to get women. Yes being tall, muscular, and handsome will attract many women. The problem is that men who don’t have these attributes feel like they can’t get women. Bullshit. I read a blog one time where the writer stated that women are only interested in one type of man; the tall, muscular, and handsome man. The writer felt that women didn’t have “fetishes” like men do. He said that there are “face men,” “breast men,” “ass men,” and “leg men.” He also mentioned chubby chasers, men who like short women, and men who like tall women. I would add that some men like buttafaces. We all know this. What’s kept real quiet though is that women are the exact same way.
Now women are more open about wanting the tall, muscular, and handsome men. There is a growing industry of websites and even feminist porn where men are seen as sex objects. What isn’t talked about publically though is that women do indeed have certain types that get them sexually open. One such type is the Big Handsome Man (BHM) or as their called in the Black community “Teddy Bears.” To be clear Teddy Bears in the Black community have nothing to do with the Bear subculture within the LGBT community. Some women are turned on by big hamburger and fries eating dudes. Some women are turned on by buttaface men. Many women don’t want to be around a man who looks better than they do. I’ve met women who were turned on by short men. I’ve known many men in their forties and fifties who had twenty year olds chasing them. For every type of man out there are women who are turned on by their particular attributes.
A man has to be comfortable with who he is and his unique nature. He always wants to improve himself but he has to be realistic. A 5’6” man will not grow to over 6 feet tall. What he can do pay attention to which women respond to him and play up his positive qualities that attract women. Some big dudes might not get any more muscular. They can deal with the women who like big men. The bottom line is that a man can get another man’s perspective but ultimately he cannot be a clone. All men have to develop their own unique style.
I see things different from most people. My life experience has given me a different perspective on a great many things. Something that has happened to me since I was little is that I will make an observation about a person or situation and people would think that I was out of my mind. Every single time though somebody would come back to me and say, “Rom you were right about that person,” or “that thing played out the way you said it would.” Now I’ve been wrong about some things but I considered those to be learning experiences. So how did I get this wisdom? I’ve had a unique life path.
I’ve talked about in the Why I Don’t Teach Game blog series that I spent my early childhood in a dysfunctional environment. That’s only part of the story. When I was placed in my Grandmother’s custody as a ten year old, we moved into new house in more middle class neighborhood. Instead of being around mental patients, low level criminals, and sociopathic 8 year-olds, I was now around young professional families with well-behaved children. Took me awhile to adjust but it gave me a different perspective on life. Eventually I would attend a prominent all-boys Catholic school where most of my peers came from middle to upper middle class backgrounds. It further enhanced my perspective on life especially with relationships.
Going to an all-boy school was good for me in two ways as far as my future relationship life. First being at an all-boy school meant I could focus on school work without being distracted by the presence of a female. Many teenage boys don’t do well in school because they are more interested in impressing girls than focusing on their studies. I learned how to take care of business and not be pressed about girls. Second, I learned how to be aggressive with girls outside of the school. If there was a party I was either there or knew about it. If I met a girl at a party or on the street I had to get her phone number right there on the spot. I couldn’t watch her for weeks from the back of the classroom. I didn’t get to watch her in the school cafeteria. No girls in the school meant I couldn’t hesitate when I met them outside of the school. My experience at the all-boys school taught me not so much how to overcome fear but how not to have it to begin with.
So by the time I reached college I had experienced the dysfunctional underclass and the striving for excellence middle class. After my college and post graduate studies I moved in a world of upper middle class mores and attitudes. Particularly relevant were the attitudes towards dating and relationships I observed with the many women I encountered both romantically and platonically. See there is the belief that women want bad boys, thugs, and lowlifes. When men in particular make these statements they are only going on what they see. They see women with lowlifes. They see women with men with bad dispositions and multiple tattoos. So when someone like me comes by and says the whole “women wanting thugs” thing is blown out of proportion I’m looked at like I’m crazy. Not crazy though just stating what I have seen. And I’ve seen some things that would turn the average man’s stomach.
The main problem with the “women wanting thugs” viewpoint is that some men and surprisingly many women are seeing things from a limited perspective. Let me use an example from the animal kingdom; ants and a hawk. Imagine the world of an ant. His world is in someone’s backyard not extending too far from the ant hill. The reality of the ant is whatever is in that backyard. The hawk’s world however extends for several miles. He not only sees the ant hill in the backyard but the ant hills in several backyards plus other animals including humans and their houses. The hawk has a better perspective of the world around him. In human terms many people are ants and a few people are hawks. I say without conceit that I’m a hawk.
Applying it to this notion that women want thugs I know it’s overstated because I have seen and more importantly experienced the big picture. One of things that is not talked about in a straight –forward manner is class influenced behavior and its effect on male-female relationships. I mean we’ll call men thugs and women ratchets but I don’t think people think about the overall implications of these terms. Without turning this blog into a major dissertation I will state that “women wanting thugs” is a primarily underclass mating practice. I roll my eyes when I see professional men especially complain about women wanting thugs. The reason I roll my eyes because I question why a gainfully employed professional man would want the type of woman that would find a thug attractive. So many men are complaining about women wanting thugs that I don’t think they are paying close attention to the actual women.
The women who tend to find the thugs attractive are usually women from similar underclass backgrounds. This is even the case when the woman is a college educated professional. I’ve met plenty of degreed women who were physically beautiful and spoke like they grew up in a privileged environment. I get them nice and comfortable and their whole demeanor changes. Their body language and even their speech intonation changes and I find out they came from the underclass and worked their way out. A lot of women are like that. Women in general tend to be attracted to the types of men they grew up around. If they grew up around thugs they will tend to always be attracted to that energy. Indeed many women from the underclass look for that thug energy in a suit and tie professional.
Here’s the thing now. Most women did not grow up in an underclass environment. A majority of the women in this culture grew up in a middle class, church going environment. I emphasize the word “church.” Other than class affecting relationships, a person’s religious upbringing will influence their mating choices. That’s a future blog. My point is that because of her background a woman may not find a thug anything other than physically attractive. Now I know I talk about the importance of physical attraction but physical attraction is balanced out by social attraction. Let me explain what I mean by social attraction by using an example.
A woman named Abby meets a man named Abdul. Abby is very attracted physically to Abdul and the attraction is mutual. Abby wants to do nasty things to Abdul’s muscular body. They talk a few times and Abby decides to move on. She was turned on by Abdul physically but socially she is turned off to the point that her vagina stops tingling. See Abby is a socially conservative Christian girl from a solid middle class background who is in law school. She is a fifth generation college graduate and moves in a world of affluence. Abdul is from a dysfunctional family that experienced several generations of poverty and he has done prison time. In jail he converted to Islam and despite that he still has many street mannerisms. Abby was taught to mate from the neck up while Abdul let’s his dick make relationships decisions. Physically Abdul and Abby may have been compatible but socially they were very incompatible.
By the way though I've stated that I won't teach game I just gave away a major principle that a man can use to get sex from a women. Hit up my contact form if you can figure out what it is.
Women in general tend to mate within their social class or higher. The practice of women mating with a man in a higher social class is called hypergamy. The average woman is always looking to trade up. The women who get with thugs, if you really look at them, don’t have the ability to do better. Even if they are otherwise physically attractive a conversation with them will reveal why a professional man would not want to get with them. Quiet as it is kept upper middle class successful men are very picky. Some Joe Schmoe on the street may have sex with whatever woman makes herself available but a successful man making six figures, with a big house, luxury car, and stock portfolio has too much to lose to be indiscriminate with where he sticks his dick.
Now one argument that men who complain about women wanting thugs may have is that despite what I just wrote the thugs are not so much getting women but they are getting the most physically attractive women. Actually they are not. I say this from personal experience. As I said I used to move in more affluent circles and still have some connections to those worlds if I need something. Why I don’t move in those circles anymore have to do with my present philosophical beliefs. But I digress.
When I was younger and going to parties I observed two things: the social class of the party goers and the level of attractiveness. In the late eighties I used to go to some hotel parties given by some affluent men. They would give four parties during the year at different luxury hotels. They never put flyers or any other advertisements and yet their parties were always packed. You had to know somebody to find out the party locations. The women at the parties were typically upper middle class professionals who rated as nines and tens. One party I brought a couple a female friends who were more average in appearance. My friends didn’t like the party because there were so many “Black Barbie Dolls.” The women at these parties were drop dead gorgeous with fit bodies and classy attitudes. These women wouldn’t give a thug the time of day unless he was extremely attractive. Even then the thug wouldn’t get any further if he opened his mouth and start spouting some ghetto nonsense.
My point is that too many men are worried about the actions of women who are not even the top of line. The women on these social networks with the big juicy booties and multiple tattoos are not top of the line. Yeah they get a man’s dick hard but trust me most of them will not age well. Women who deal with too many low-level men never age well and their looks will fade. On the other hand upper class women tend to maintain their beauty well into 60’s and 70’s, even beyond.
Let’s forget about the women for a second. Too many men use the “women want thugs” thing as an excuse not to improve themselves. It’s too easy to find a website or social network page where men are complaining about the thugs. It’s easy to complain. Thing is the women who go for thugs are going to go for them anyway. More power to them. My message to men is to leave them alone. A man should focus his energy on improving himself, and finding social circles containing beautiful classy women. I know those booty models are sexy. I’ve met some middle class women with bodies that will blow away the booty models. Many of those women are saving their sexy bodies for genuinely good men. I’ve even known some that prefer so-called corny men. Stop hating on the thug for getting a ratchet woman. Build yourself and look for classy women.