The following is an excerpt from my book, Finding the Right Man. Even though I'm known for my self-help books for men, the piece that got me started was a pamphlet called Finding a Good Man. That 12 page homemade booklet took me a long way and eventually led to my books for men. Around 2003, I wrote Finding the Right Man. It was written from the point of view of how men respond to women in the real world. Most books by men addressed to women cater to the romantic illusions of women which turns out to be counter-productive. I mean, really, has the 90 day rule promoted by a a certain old school player comedian actually worked for women?
So here's an excerpt from Finding the Right Man. It's a thank you for many of the women who have supported my work over the years.
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I will now discuss the secrets to generating sexual chemistry with a man. Men are moved to great heights when stimulated by sex. Many people consider men to be sex-obsessed but then do not ask why they are this way. Men who are truly successful in life have one thing in common: they have found a constructive use for their sex drive. A woman’s ability to arouse a man is the key to this sex drive. The woman who can keep her man aroused will have two things. One, a man who will have the drive to succeed in any chosen endeavor. Two, she will have a man predisposed to being monogamous. The biggest single reason men fool around is for sex. Two of the best ways to keep a man from cheating is to keep him aroused and focused on a project.
The whole sex thing isn’t just about pleasing a man anyway. Too many women don’t enjoy sex for it’s own sake. Too many see it as an obligation. Even many women who do enjoy sex are not satisfied because the men are not fulfilling their needs. What follows are the keys to developing sexual chemistry with a man. When a woman can truly arouse a man she not only satisfies him but she will find that he will be more motivated to satisfy her needs.
Keys to Sexual Chemistry
A. Physical appearance
A key component to generating sexual chemistry with a man is physical appearance. A man’s nature is to be attracted to a woman based on her physical appearance. No amount of intellectualism or political correctness will change this. The Creator made us this way for a reason. Now a mature man will also check out a woman’s emotional and spiritual traits but this will generally occur after he gets past the initial physical attraction. The physical is what draws a man to a woman. You can be the most sweetest, loving, loyal woman in the world and the man will not be inclined to find out about your personality if he doesn’t think you have a nice body. Even if somehow you do meet, if he doesn’t find you physically attractive you will be in the “Friend” category.
The key to a woman developing her physical appearance is to engage in some type of exercise program, particularly programs which will tone her muscles and also keep access fat off her stomach. Fat around the stomach area is key. The ideal shape for a woman is an hourglass figure. There should a contrast between the breasts, the waists and the hips. For example, Suzanne is a woman who is 5’10” and 200 pounds yet men fall all over themselves to be with her. The reason is that despite her weight she has a relatively small waist and flat stomach. It’s the SHAPE that’s most important. I know many woman get caught into trying to be a size 6 or below but the reality is that it’s not genetically possible for all women to be that size or even desirable for many men. There are many men who prefer women who are size 12 and up. The key is the shape and not the clothes size.
In addition to exercises which deal with access weight around the stomach, a woman may want to spend time working on exercises which strengthen and tone her legs and butt. Even though there seems to be an emphasis on a woman’s breasts in the media many men are attracted to a nice booty and legs.
Ultimately you want to be in the best shape possible. This will do more to attract a man than degrees or material possessions.
B. Clothing
A woman can have a body that will put a man into a trance and cause a few accidents but it would be irrelevant if she covers it too much or doesn’t wear clothes that enhance her figure. There are two considerations with the clothes a woman wears. One, does the clothing enhance her physical appearance and two, are the clothes feminine?
Once the woman has improved her physical appearance the clothing she chooses to wear will either shield that appearance or magnify it. For example, Charlene despite having a “coke bottle” figure wears very loose clothing that effectively hides her body. So when men see her they are not inclined to approach her regardless of her signals because they don’t see her figure and thus are not aroused. She isn’t able to generate sexual chemistry with them.
On the other hand Kyra has the same type of figure but she doesn’t have a problem generating sexual chemistry because she will wear tight tops, shorter than average skirts, and four-inch pumps. Even in business attire she will dress provocatively. As a result men fall over themselves to talk with her.
In the two examples above the women are wearing clothes which project two aspects of femininity: maternal and sensual. One issue I’m seeing more and more is women dressing like men. It’s very important that a woman looking for the Right Man doesn’t dress like one. If she has a “coke bottle” figure but wears clothes like a man she is not going to generate sexual chemistry with the men in her environment.
The key to understanding with clothes is that they magnify a person’s body. It’s very important that women are cognizant of how they choose and wear their clothing. Using the examples from above, Charlene is in a sense neutralizing her physical appearance by covering up her body. The average man will view her as a friend. Kyra on the other hand is over-magnifying her body. The average man will see her as a sex partner. The key once again is balance.
The clothing women wear should strike a balance between sensual and maternal. A woman wants to dress sensual enough to draw the man’s attention. Instead of four inch pumps maybe one-inch pumps. Instead of a real short mini skirt maybe a skirt that stops maybe an inch above the knees. Trust me, this will still get the man’s attention but at the same time he will not be as focused on simply physical gratification. He will be more amenable to the woman’s emotional/spiritual traits.
C. Attitude
We’ve all seen women who have great bodies and have something going on mentally. Yet these women still have problems finding the Right Man and generating sexual chemistry. For example, Susan has a great body and is very intelligent. Men usually see her initially as a sex partner and then as a friend if they feel like dealing with her. She’s never a Ms. Right despite what she has going for her. The problem is that she has a poor attitude towards men. She is very defensive towards men which shows in her tone of voice and body language. Despite an initial attraction men are turned off by her mannerisms.
A woman’s attitude toward men is very important in generating sexual chemistry. In a nutshell she needs to like men. Many women despite wanting a man do not like men. Many women are defensive as a result. If a man approaches them their defensiveness will turn the man off. Many men will not even approach.
Ladies, here’s a powerful secret in attracting the right man to you: practice being receptive. One of the biggest reasons why many women are not approached by men is that they are simply too defensive. Some defensiveness is necessary as a protection against some of the less evolved men out there. Sometimes though women are defensive in friendlier environments which may cause them to lose out on a good man because their body language tells a man to stay away.
Even when the man and woman have sex a receptive attitude is needed. If the woman is defensive she will not enjoy sex with the man. During sex the woman is receiving from the man. Her actions during sex should reflect this. She should be like a placid lake that is being stirred by a storm. She should allow the man to stir her up. If she is defensive he will not be able to do his job and as a result she will tend to build up tension that will not be released by an orgasm. One of the biggest reasons women don’t have orgasms is that they are too defensive as a result of their attitudes towards men.
A woman looking for the Right Man needs to examine her attitude towards men. A poor attitude will lead to poor sexual chemistry.
So here's an excerpt from Finding the Right Man. It's a thank you for many of the women who have supported my work over the years.
****************
I will now discuss the secrets to generating sexual chemistry with a man. Men are moved to great heights when stimulated by sex. Many people consider men to be sex-obsessed but then do not ask why they are this way. Men who are truly successful in life have one thing in common: they have found a constructive use for their sex drive. A woman’s ability to arouse a man is the key to this sex drive. The woman who can keep her man aroused will have two things. One, a man who will have the drive to succeed in any chosen endeavor. Two, she will have a man predisposed to being monogamous. The biggest single reason men fool around is for sex. Two of the best ways to keep a man from cheating is to keep him aroused and focused on a project.
The whole sex thing isn’t just about pleasing a man anyway. Too many women don’t enjoy sex for it’s own sake. Too many see it as an obligation. Even many women who do enjoy sex are not satisfied because the men are not fulfilling their needs. What follows are the keys to developing sexual chemistry with a man. When a woman can truly arouse a man she not only satisfies him but she will find that he will be more motivated to satisfy her needs.
Keys to Sexual Chemistry
A. Physical appearance
A key component to generating sexual chemistry with a man is physical appearance. A man’s nature is to be attracted to a woman based on her physical appearance. No amount of intellectualism or political correctness will change this. The Creator made us this way for a reason. Now a mature man will also check out a woman’s emotional and spiritual traits but this will generally occur after he gets past the initial physical attraction. The physical is what draws a man to a woman. You can be the most sweetest, loving, loyal woman in the world and the man will not be inclined to find out about your personality if he doesn’t think you have a nice body. Even if somehow you do meet, if he doesn’t find you physically attractive you will be in the “Friend” category.
The key to a woman developing her physical appearance is to engage in some type of exercise program, particularly programs which will tone her muscles and also keep access fat off her stomach. Fat around the stomach area is key. The ideal shape for a woman is an hourglass figure. There should a contrast between the breasts, the waists and the hips. For example, Suzanne is a woman who is 5’10” and 200 pounds yet men fall all over themselves to be with her. The reason is that despite her weight she has a relatively small waist and flat stomach. It’s the SHAPE that’s most important. I know many woman get caught into trying to be a size 6 or below but the reality is that it’s not genetically possible for all women to be that size or even desirable for many men. There are many men who prefer women who are size 12 and up. The key is the shape and not the clothes size.
In addition to exercises which deal with access weight around the stomach, a woman may want to spend time working on exercises which strengthen and tone her legs and butt. Even though there seems to be an emphasis on a woman’s breasts in the media many men are attracted to a nice booty and legs.
Ultimately you want to be in the best shape possible. This will do more to attract a man than degrees or material possessions.
B. Clothing
A woman can have a body that will put a man into a trance and cause a few accidents but it would be irrelevant if she covers it too much or doesn’t wear clothes that enhance her figure. There are two considerations with the clothes a woman wears. One, does the clothing enhance her physical appearance and two, are the clothes feminine?
Once the woman has improved her physical appearance the clothing she chooses to wear will either shield that appearance or magnify it. For example, Charlene despite having a “coke bottle” figure wears very loose clothing that effectively hides her body. So when men see her they are not inclined to approach her regardless of her signals because they don’t see her figure and thus are not aroused. She isn’t able to generate sexual chemistry with them.
On the other hand Kyra has the same type of figure but she doesn’t have a problem generating sexual chemistry because she will wear tight tops, shorter than average skirts, and four-inch pumps. Even in business attire she will dress provocatively. As a result men fall over themselves to talk with her.
In the two examples above the women are wearing clothes which project two aspects of femininity: maternal and sensual. One issue I’m seeing more and more is women dressing like men. It’s very important that a woman looking for the Right Man doesn’t dress like one. If she has a “coke bottle” figure but wears clothes like a man she is not going to generate sexual chemistry with the men in her environment.
The key to understanding with clothes is that they magnify a person’s body. It’s very important that women are cognizant of how they choose and wear their clothing. Using the examples from above, Charlene is in a sense neutralizing her physical appearance by covering up her body. The average man will view her as a friend. Kyra on the other hand is over-magnifying her body. The average man will see her as a sex partner. The key once again is balance.
The clothing women wear should strike a balance between sensual and maternal. A woman wants to dress sensual enough to draw the man’s attention. Instead of four inch pumps maybe one-inch pumps. Instead of a real short mini skirt maybe a skirt that stops maybe an inch above the knees. Trust me, this will still get the man’s attention but at the same time he will not be as focused on simply physical gratification. He will be more amenable to the woman’s emotional/spiritual traits.
C. Attitude
We’ve all seen women who have great bodies and have something going on mentally. Yet these women still have problems finding the Right Man and generating sexual chemistry. For example, Susan has a great body and is very intelligent. Men usually see her initially as a sex partner and then as a friend if they feel like dealing with her. She’s never a Ms. Right despite what she has going for her. The problem is that she has a poor attitude towards men. She is very defensive towards men which shows in her tone of voice and body language. Despite an initial attraction men are turned off by her mannerisms.
A woman’s attitude toward men is very important in generating sexual chemistry. In a nutshell she needs to like men. Many women despite wanting a man do not like men. Many women are defensive as a result. If a man approaches them their defensiveness will turn the man off. Many men will not even approach.
Ladies, here’s a powerful secret in attracting the right man to you: practice being receptive. One of the biggest reasons why many women are not approached by men is that they are simply too defensive. Some defensiveness is necessary as a protection against some of the less evolved men out there. Sometimes though women are defensive in friendlier environments which may cause them to lose out on a good man because their body language tells a man to stay away.
Even when the man and woman have sex a receptive attitude is needed. If the woman is defensive she will not enjoy sex with the man. During sex the woman is receiving from the man. Her actions during sex should reflect this. She should be like a placid lake that is being stirred by a storm. She should allow the man to stir her up. If she is defensive he will not be able to do his job and as a result she will tend to build up tension that will not be released by an orgasm. One of the biggest reasons women don’t have orgasms is that they are too defensive as a result of their attitudes towards men.
A woman looking for the Right Man needs to examine her attitude towards men. A poor attitude will lead to poor sexual chemistry.
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