All right I’ve talked about Mr. Goodbar to death.    People get it that there are a small percentage of men who have the raw ability to sexually arouse many women.   Thing is that Mr. Goodbar does indeed represent a SMALL percentage of the male population.  We’re talking at most ten percent.   Obviously they are not the only ones getting the attention of multiple women.  Just below Goodbar on the sexual hierarchy are the Masked Men.   This group of men represents maybe 25 percent of the male population.   They are not desired because of their raw sex appeal like Goodbar but they have enough looks to arouse women to some extent.   To qualify as Masked Men they have to have some money and status as well.  

          See the mask is not about a man putting on a façade so much.  It’s more about what the WOMAN sees when she looks at the man.   The woman doesn’t see pretty eyes, a flat stomach and a big package when she looks at a Masked Man.  Even if the Masked Man has these things, which many do, women don’t see raw sex appeal when they look at this class of men.   Women will look at the Masked Man and see that he has a nice suit on which means he may be a professional.  They see that he is driving a late model car which means he has some money.  They see that he speaks and carries himself a certain way which means he may have some status. Masked Men are what women look for when they get tired of dealing with Mr. Goodbar.

             Most women see Mr. Goodbar as good for sex and nothing more.   Women chase Mr. Goodbar from their teenaged years to maybe their early thirties.   A few women never really stop chasing Mr. Goodbar like these women in their fifties who blatantly flirt with young boys thinking they’re still sexy.   As an aside these older women aren’t sexy to these young boys, just easy.   I may do a future blog on that subject but I digress.   

              Women with a little bit of sense eventually outgrow Goodbars.   Six pack abs don’t mean anything when the bills become due.    Multiple orgasms are one thing but when the car breaks down and the repairs cost over a thousand dollars that good dick isn’t helpful to the average woman.   After they come down from that orgasmic high the car still needs to be repaired.   Goodbar may not be able to help even if he wants to.   Many Goodbars don’t have much going for them outside of sex appeal.   Many are living with their mamas or being sponsored by some older woman.   Many can’t keep steady jobs because they are going in and out of so many women that their work experience doesn’t go beyond minimum wage jobs.   The more thuggish Goodbars may have money from illegal hustles but despite what many people think most street hustlers don’t make that much money.   The reality is that someone working at a burger joint makes more money than the average street cat.   My point in all this is to say that Mr. Goodbar is more a romantic dream but then that alarm clock goes off and the woman has to deal with real life.   That’s when the Masked Man becomes more attractive.

            So women start looking for that educated professional or in the case of lower social classes that blue collar cat that looks like he is making money.    Women in general after they go through their Goodbar phase start looking for a successful man with money.   Some women will say they are looking for someone “with benefits.”   In the Black community in particular someone may say they are looking for a “BMW,” – a “Black Man Working.”  I’m not sure about an equivalent term in other communities though the Masked Man thing is prevalent wherever western culture is practiced.   Indeed in the white community the line between Goodbar and the Masked Man is EXTREMELY blurred.  Now that’s a topic I would have to get into some deep metaphysical knowledge to fully explain.   A few African and Native American Shamans know the great secrets though.  I won’t share it here.  Y’all not ready.  

            Back on topic, the Masked Man becomes most desirable to women when they want a more stable and grown up relationship.    They want a stable home life and someone who can provide the resources for that home life.   The women have that biological clock ticking and will want a responsible successful man to be the father.   Some women may already have children and want a responsible, successful man to be the stepfather.    A game some women will run is to get pregnant by Goodbar and then try to act like the Masked Man is the father.   In my opinion that’s why paternity testing should be mandatory.   For this reason many very successful men will get vasectomies.   

            So you get the idea that women go for Masked Men for their money and status.   Funny thing is that women in private, in the media, and in public forums, will loudly proclaim they want these men.   Indeed on social media there will be memes designed to shame Masked Men into wanting a woman regardless of her physical appearance and emotional baggage.   In many ways and situations a woman will get angrier with a Masked Man for rejecting her than Mr. Goodbar.   The average woman doesn’t have any expectations from Goodbar beyond good sex.   They are looking at the Masked Man, however, as that good catch.  He’s the good man they are speaking of when they say there is a shortage.   The Masked Man is marriage material.  A woman’s biggest problem with the Masked Man is that he is not cooperating with her expectations.   In my observation a woman is more likely to get dogged by a Masked Man than by Mr. Goodbar.   Let’s get into why I have this observation.   I’ll need some help with this one, so I’ll turn to Eric Money.  I introduced the character of Eric Money in some previous blogs as a successful man.   I didn’t really get into his backstory though.  

            Eric Money as a teenager was skinny and awkward.   He wasn’t the most popular boy in the neighborhood or in school.   When girls texted each other about cute boys his name didn’t come up.   In the locker room after gym class he didn’t have any stories or good lies about the girls he had been with like the jocks and thugs told.   Eric was just someone who was very good academically.   The teachers and older women in the community saw his value but the girls were more interested in the popular boys.   Eric went through his four years in high school without getting so much as a kiss.  

            Things got a little bit better for Eric in college.   He managed to have sex with a couple of Plain Janes but those were flings that didn’t materialize into relationships as the Plain Janes were more interested in Frat Boys and Jocks.   They made it very clear to Eric not to get his expectations up.  They both said that he’s a “Nice Guy but…”    Eventually Eric graduated college and got a well-paying job as a financial advisor.   The women were still not feeling him even with the extra money.   Many went on dates with him and pretended to like him so he would spend money on them.   The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he took a woman on a date and then after the date took her to a house different from where he picked her up.   She gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to the house where a buffed man answered the door wearing nothing but shorts.   It was a defining moment for Eric.   His view of women changed.   Eric was at a crossroads and decided to change his life.

            So Eric started reading books and blogs about being successful with women.   After reading all the information Eric went into a period of transformation.   He started hitting the gym to put muscles on his skinny frame.   He developed a better understanding of a woman’s inner nature.   The most important thing he did though was stay focused on his career and stopped letting basic women interfere with his self-esteem and life goals.    Within a period of a few years Eric was able to put on forty pounds of muscle.  He upgraded his wardrobe and personal grooming.   Eric started to hang out in more affluent circles as he moved into a house in an upper class neighborhood and only drove late model luxury cars.   The main thing he did was to begin to hold the women he dealt with to higher standards.  Before his transformation Eric had genuine interest in women who rated at best as sixes on the 1 -10 scale.   After his transformation he would give barely give women who rated below an eight the time of day.  He wouldn’t even look their direction while out and about.    Of course as a result of that dynamic more women became interested in him. 

            Incidentally I just gave away some game.

            Eric transformed into a fully realized Masked Man.   No he’s not drop dead handsome.   Even with the extra muscles he doesn’t have a great body which would cause a woman to want to take off her panties thinking as the meme says, “I won’t be needing these.”  What women see is a man whose demeanor and self-confidence communicates the message that “yes I can succeed and provide resources.  Yes I would make a stable husband.”   The panties will come off for a different reason.  Now here’s where it gets interesting with Masked Men.  Women are choosing them but the Masked Men are not choosing them back.

            Here’s a reality that women need to grasp.   Truth be told women tend to get mad when this reality is pointed out to them.   Many don’t want to hear it.  Too bad.  Women need to get their heads out of the sand because what I’m about to share is a very real dynamic.   Many women will reject a man for many reasons.   Admittedly some reasons are very good but many are frivolous.  The rejection itself might not be that bad.  It’s part of life.   I personally say that a man can learn a lot from a rejection.  Rejection helps a man to grow.  The problem though is that many women can’t just graciously reject a man in way that leaves his self-esteem intact.  Many women will reject a man in a mean-spirited way.   Many women will purposely try to hurt a man’s feelings.   For what?  All he did was find them attractive and work up the courage to approach them.   A woman doesn’t have to want a particular man but don’t make him feel bad that he isn’t tall with a six-pack and pretty eyes.   Yet many women have no problem rejecting a man harshly.  Too bad many women don’t understand a simple universal principle: What goes around comes around.

            When men are rejected they may get out of a particular woman’s face but they don’t really go away.   Some men learn how to game women and become straight up dogs.   They learn to treat women in a poor way.   A woman may reject a particular man and that man turns around and dogs another woman.   Some degenerate men may dog that woman’s teenaged daughter even though he’s forty.   In the case of the Masked Men he never forgets what made him into what he is.  

            Here’s a very common scenario that virtually every Masked Man has shared with me.   Even a few Goodbars have talked about this as well.   Here’s the scenario.  When a woman is young, pretty and sexy she will reject a particular man who wanted her badly.   The man is typically put in the friend zone so it’s not a case of a man randomly approaching a sexy woman on the street.   The young sexy woman knows the man very well.   She even likes the man to some extent but for a number of reasons does not want a relationship with him.   Even Goodbars will experience this with at least one woman.   Rejections like this hurt the man more than a rejection by a random woman on the street.   At some point the man moves on to more receptive women.   The sexy woman and the man typically fall out of contact with one another.

            Now a few years later that woman runs into the man she once friend zoned.   The man is now more muscular and confident.   He’s a successful Masked Man, well dressed and moving through the world with authority.   The woman on the other hand has put on some pounds and has taken some emotional hits from dealing with a few Goodbars and maybe a Demon Lover.  She also has a child from one of the Goodbars who refuses to acknowledge the child.   She’s struggling in life and she sees this man who always adored her and waited for a long time for her to return his feelings.   At that point she finds this man she had friend zoned as VERY attractive.  She starts flirting and the nicer Masked Man may let her down easy.

            The meaner ones will say, “Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit.”

            Once a man gets to a point where he is suddenly desirable after many years of being seen as undesirable he doesn’t all of sudden want the women who rejected him when he was younger.   That may work in a romantic comedy and a novel.   In real life it doesn’t fly.   Now a few Masked Men may have sex with the women who once rejected them in order to dog them out but most will simply not want to be bothered.  

            There’s more to be said about the Masked Man.  We’re talking about complex individuals.   I mean women find them attractive for their material possessions and their status but what about the man underneath the mask.   Also a reality is that beyond sex a Masked Man really doesn’t have a need for women.  I’ll get into all that my next blog.

 

           

            In my writings and blogs I paint a relatively benign picture of Mr. Goodbar.  I’m also writing about him from a male and personal point of view.   There is a dark side to Mr. Goodbar that many women have and will experience.   This dark side is more the reality than a happily ever after ending.   Many women may chase Mr. Goodbar but only a few will end up with him.  Most women will get hurt, dogged, and quite frankly emotionally damaged for the rest of their lives.   This isn’t a romance novel where the heroine wins the love of the Alpha Hunk.   The reality is a woman crying by herself, or with girlfriends wondering why Goodbar won’t return her texts.

            This is what I see out here as far as sexual dynamics.   Women are complaining about a shortage of “good men.”   Yet when challenged these women admit to having good men who are interested in them.  Some of these women are even married to a good man.   The women should really just say that they are looking for a man who deliver what a mentor of mine calls “Romantic Intoxication.”   

            Romantic Intoxication is the state of euphoria a woman feels when she is “in love.”   This euphoria comes from a combination of lust and the hormones women release when they really feel good.   Many mistake these feelings for love when it is really no different from a man giving a woman a highly potent drug.   Women don’t really love the man but rather the feeling they get from being with the man.   If women could get the same euphoric feeling from hugging a pumpkin, we would see books and movies with titles like “Addicted to Pumpkin” and “Fifty Shades of Pumpkin.”   Mr. Goodbar’s real secret is that he is skilled at inducing a state of euphoria in women.   That’s it.   Women place men into different categories according to their ability to romantically intoxicate.  

            Mr. Goodbar is at the top of pyramid because of his combination of looks, personality, and sex appeal.   His greatest skill, however, is that he has a highly developed understanding of women.  I devote a couple of chapters to this in my book, Nice Guys and Players, the chapters are called “An Understanding of Women,” and “Sexual Chemistry.”   A man can improve his success with women just from reading those chapters.    Anyway, Mr. Goodbar is like a piece of chocolate or an ice cream sundae.  Women want to indulge as much as possible.

            The Masked Man doesn’t deliver the same level of intoxication based on looks and raw sex appeal.  Masked Men may look good but because they are successful they tend to be more focused on making their money which means they are more serious minded.  Serious minded men are not going to approach a woman whispering sweet nothings and promising a good time.   Women tend to be attracted to Masked Men because of their money and stability.   Mr. Goodbar may be sexy and all but many are also living in their mother’s basement and men who are caught up in having sex with a lot of women tend not to be as focused on making a lot of money.   There are exceptions but many Mr. Goodbars are just sexual playthings for many women.   When women want grown men they tend to go for the Masked Men.   That’s a whole other set of issues I’ll get into with another blog.

            Gamesmen and Nice Guys are non-select because they don’t give women that state of euphoria.   That’s why women can be around a man who wants them, adores them, and has real love for them and they will put the men into the dreaded friend zone.   Some women may still deal with non-select men for lack of better options but will treat these men poorly.   These men usually get dropped or cheated on as soon as Mr. Goodbar returns the text.   Yet another blog. 

            Now I’ve observed that many women have no problem chasing Mr. Goodbar.  Some will even argue that they are entitled to having these sexy men.    What’s not being talked about how Mr. Goodbar truly views these women.  This shit gets deep when you think about it.  A woman will cheat on her hardworking, devoted, nice man with Mr. Goodbar and then have the nerve to justify it.   Her girlfriends will support her choices.   I’ve seen cases where even her husband will support her.  Now the woman is all happy.  She’s having her multiple orgasms, walking around fully in that state of romantic intoxication.   All of sudden, she gets real sad.   Mr. Goodbar has moved on to greener, and quite frankly, slimmer pastures.   The woman is distraught, maybe on suicide watch as her girlfriends (and sometimes husband) try to console her.   Mr. Goodbar on the other hand simply doesn’t give a fuck.

            Here’s the reality of Mr. Goodbar.   He has so many women chasing him, offering him sex and money, making it easy for him to the point that he can be deal with women on his terms.   The most common scenario is that when Mr. Goodbar tires of a woman he dismisses her.  Kind of like a maid.   If he is relatively nice he may tell her.  Most just stop calling or texting.    MOST women cannot hold Goodbar’s attention.  

            One major issue I see in this culture’s sexual dynamics is that most women feel like they are more sexually desirable than they actually are.   Women feel like if they are in halfway decent shape, have a decent face, nice clothes, and some material things that they should get the top shelf men.   Really their heads have been gassed by Gamesmen and Nice Guys.   Mr. Goodbar really sees average looking women as merely physical gratification, a mere notch above masturbation.  

            Many women for whatever reason don’t get the concept that men can be picky too.   I see these TV specials and articles with women talking about how wonderful they are and how come men can’t see this.  The irony is that some men do see how wonderful they are but women put these men into the friend zone.   Mr. Goodbar has all types of women coming at him.   He can afford to be picky.   Like any normal heterosexual man he is going to be moved by the woman who can get his dick the hardest.   So if he has a choice between the pretty fitness chick with the flat stomach and “dat ass” and the Plain Jane with twenty extra pounds around her stomach who do you think he is going to choose?   Keep in mind that beautiful women with great bodies want to feel that euphoria as well as any woman.  Indeed they will feel it more because they are in better shape.

            Oops I just gave away a great game secret. 

            Some women know this so when they deal with Goodbar they know they have to make it easier.   A Plain Jane knows that she can’t insist on Goodbar taking her on an expensive date because he has zero incentive to do so.   She may have to tell him straight up she’ll suck his dick or pay his way on the date.  Some may buy Goodbar some clothes or let him drive their cars.   Plain Janes are at the mercy of Goodbar.   A few may have to allow Goodbar to do things sexually with them that they would slap another man for even thinking about.   Even with all of that Goodbar will still come and goes as he pleases.   The number of women in arrangements like this is actually quite high.    

            There are many women who initiate divorce from their good men in order to get with Goodbar.   Then they end up getting their hearts broken when Goodbar dogs them out.  The lucky ones get to go back to their husbands.   The rest get screwed because their husbands have enough self-respect to kick them to the curb.

            Women really need to think about their choices.   Now some women get mad when a man tells them they need to look at their choices.  I say this though.  Women don’t have to heed what myself or any other man says.    Go ahead and do you.   See understand that men have a selection criteria as well.   The top thing on that criteria is physical appearance.   The second thing is personality.   The only thing that might make a man relax his physical requirements is a great personality and that’s usually only the case when the man is more emotionally mature.   Even those mature men still like “dat ass.”   But I digress.

            The reality of Mr. Goodbar is that MOST women will never have a shot at him.   He’s a fantasy figure.  The only women who have any sort of chance of winning Mr. Goodbar are the most physically attractive women.   And that’s usually when Goodbar is older and ready to settle down.   See the movies, romance novels, and comedians turned relationship experts got most women thinking they have a chance.   Even the women who do get with Mr. Goodbar are likely to have their feelings hurt and will deal with the repercussions for the rest of their lives.   A few women may even take their own lives.  

            Women have to let go of romantic illusions and start facing reality.

            So the question must now be if Rom doesn’t teach game, how can I get women?  I’ll say this.  Game does work.  There is no disputing that.   A man using game can definitely get women.  Even at the rudimentary level that is being taught by dating coaches and seduction gurus.   The real issue is what type of women are receptive to game.   The women most receptive to a man running game on them are not the top quality women men pay hundreds of dollars for books and seminars to meet.   The women most receptive to game tend to be either plain Janes or simply ugly, overweight, low self-esteem females who lack street smarts.   Even the physically attractive women who seem to be receptive to game have some things going on.  The attractive women tend to be promiscuous anyway and quite frankly will have sex with a man whether he used game or not.    If I wanted to teach game I would simply teach men how to tell if a woman is promiscuous or easy regardless of her mask.   My point in all this is that men using game are not getting the best they can get.   They are getting grocery store hamburgers instead of steakhouse Filet Mignons.  So what should a man do?

            First thing a man needs to understand is that women WANT to have sex.   Many men have the false belief that women are not as interested in sex as men.   As a result many men approach women thinking they have to convince the woman to have sex.   She’ll have sex just maybe not with him.   The first mistake is that men tend to approach women who are not trying to seduce them.  Women are really as sexually aggressive as men.  They just express their aggression in a different way.   Instead of approaching a man, a normal woman will dress, and behave in such a way as to draw a man to her.  Women by nature are seductive.  They want to draw your attention to them.  That’s how they hunt.   A young girl on my day job had a short sexy dress.  I complimented her and said, “You’re hunting aren’t you?” She answered, “Yeah I’m looking for a new man.”   A man doesn’t really need game to get a woman.  He simply needs to pay attention.   If he pays attention he will notice that at least one woman has been trying to seduce him.   The key for a man is to develop himself into the type of man a woman will want to seduce.

            The first thing a man has to do is develop his physical sex appeal.  Women are turned on by a man’s body period.   A woman has to be able to look at a man and want to PHYSICALLY have sex with him.   Forget all that mess about WORDS turning a woman on.   A man’s body turns a woman on, period.   Now let me explain why it seems like a man’s words turn a woman on.   Women are moved primarily by emotion.  They are built that way.   Men need to stop expecting women to be rational.  They can be but they are primarily moved by emotion.  A woman’s emotions are moved by her hormones.  That’s why a woman’s moods changes by the week, even day to day.   Now what women do is rationalize their emotions.   Let me get Dexter Goodbar in here to illustrate my point.   A married woman, Gwen, meets Dexter at a store he owns.   She immediately lusts him.   Dexter picks up on it and immediately hits her with his sexually enticing conversation.   Gwen wants him bad because her lust is affecting her emotions.   She starts thinking that her husband isn’t attentive or that good in bed.   What she is doing is rationalizing her desire to sleep with Dexter.   She sleeps with Dexter and tells her friends.   Instead of saying that she was simply turned on by Dexter’s body she says that he said all the right things.   The truth is that Dexter was trying to get a sale and his best sales technique with women is to flirt with them.   Gwen had decided she was going to sleep with Dexter when she first laid eyes on him.   She just had to rationalize her choice.

            Men need to understand the reality of a woman’s sexual aggression.   If there is a man thinking he still thinking he needs game let me share this.   There are plenty of stories in the media about female teachers having sex with underaged male students.   Those are just teachers.   There are many older women who seduce and sleep with teenaged boys.  Something I’ve NEVER shared before but I will do so now.   When I was seventeen I had a brief relationship with an older woman.  I don’t want give away the details.  I didn’t see it as abuse or a bad thing.  It’s just something that happened.   The thing about it though is that I didn’t use any type of game.  I just allowed myself to be seduced.   She was pretty and besides the physical aspect we were both science fiction fans.   My point is that I was able to get her without using any type of game.  She wanted me and I allowed it.

            So a man needs to understand a woman’s true sexual nature as well the need to work on his body.  Just a note about that.  A man does not have to be super-muscular or drop dead handsome to attract a woman.  It doesn’t hurt but if someone isn’t blessed with great genetics he call still turn on a woman physically.   Women like different types of bodies.  Some women like tall and beefy, some like short and slim.   A man needs to work on developing the best body that he can.  He then needs to pay attention to see which women are turned on by his particular body.   All men really don’t need to have movie star looks to get women.   Most women don’t want to be with a man who looks better than they do.  All a man has to be is decent looking with a body that appeals to a particular women.   The only women that tend to want a man that looks better than them are buttaface women.   The reason is that it makes them look good by being able to seduce a good-looking man.   Most men classified as Mr. Goodbar have average to slightly above average faces.   Men who are extremely handsome tend to have issues with women for numerous reasons I’ll get into in a future blog.

            Other than his physical presentation a man needs to work on his overall character.   A man doesn’t need to and shouldn’t change his basic personality to get a woman.  If he is naturally cool and calm he shouldn’t become gregarious because he thinks it will attract women.  Many women are attracted to cool and calm men.   A gregarious man shouldn’t try to be laid back because he thinks it will attract women.   Many women are attracted to gregarious men.   See what many dating coaches and seduction coaches teach men is how to wear a mask.   That’s why so many men fail.   Men have to be themselves.   They have to develop their character.   Too many want to become a clone of someone else.  For example, many men try to emulate pimps because they see how pimps control women.   First of all pimps do is manage women, they don’t control them.   Most women who get with a pimp are naturally promiscuous anyway.   All most pimps do is take advantage of the prostitute’s basic nature.   There are plenty of women out there who sell their bodies for money and they don’t have a pimp.   I first learned of that hustle during my childhood.   I also know some former sugar babies.   People really don’t know how deep the sexual underworld goes.   Yet another future blog.  My point about pimps is that men try to emulate that which they don’t know about.  The books on the market about pimps, even those by pimps, are just the tip of the iceberg.   Ask me how I know.

            When I talk about character that deals more with how some men interact with other people.   The reason most men fail with women is not because they are ugly, or broke, or don’t have game.   Some men are just not likeable.   I was at a wedding reception one time.   I was sitting at the table with a lame ass dude.  We’re at a joyous occasion and all this lame dude was doing was complaining about how women don’t like him.   I guess not.   He really wasn’t likeable as a human being.   He wasn’t the type of person I would invite out with a group for some beers.   Many so-called Nice Guys are whiny and obnoxious.   A woman could be turned on physically by a man and still get turned off when he opens his mouth.   Words won’t seduce a woman but they will sure as hell turn her off.   A man needs to work having a positive character.   Nobody wants to be around a negative individual.  A man who wants to attract women needs to work on being likeable by women.  This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything a woman says.   It means being cool to be around.  A man has to get to the point where a woman wants to be around him because it feels good to her.  A negative man isn’t going to make a woman feel good.

            I use the character of Dexter Goodbar as an example of a man who gets women based on his physical appearance.  A few blogs ago I introduced the character of Jimmy Cool.  Jimmy is Dexter’s cousin.  Jimmy isn’t fine like Dexter but women love him because he is cool to be around.  Let me share another thing about myself.  I attracted many women because they liked how I looked physically.   There were other women I got with who looked at me and said, “He aw’ight.”  There were a few women who didn’t like me all at when I first met them.    I won these women without trying because they were able to get to know me and considered me to be really cool.  For the most part I'm a positive person to be around.   I’m not the type who complains a lot.   If I complain publically about something I usually try to come up with a solution.   See I was a person women liked being around even if I wasn’t having sex with them or spending money on them.  I’ve always had a lot of female friends.  Ironically I’ve only heard the term “I only see you as a friend” a few times.   Those women who friendzoned me were women I either eventually had sex with or they expressed a desire to do so.  All because I stayed cool and kept a positive character.

            This doesn’t need to be too complicated.   Instead of taking the shortcut of game and getting subpar women a man needs to develop his body and his character.  The more his body and character is developed the better the quality of women who will try to seduce him.   At the end of the day that’s what it’s all about: a  man being the best version of himself and getting the best out of life.

            “Where are all the good men?”  “The good ones are either married, gay, or in prison.”  “The good ones have ten women each.”   One of the most consistent themes in the relationship discussions is the shortage of good men.  A whole industry has developed around this theme.   Although it is most discussed within African-American circles, it is a universal theme wherever Western culture is present.   For women the issue is that they can’t find a good man.   For men the issue is how come women pass over good men who are right in front of them.  

            When men hear the term, “good man” they think in terms of hardworking men, who are decent, good citizens who would treat women with kindness.   They are thinking in terms of character traits.   Indeed when women publically discuss “good men” they too will speak in terms of character traits.   Depending on the social class the definition may include being gainfully employed or having a college degree.   There’s a problem with all of this.   If a “good man” is someone with good character traits as well gainfully employed and educated there shouldn’t be too many complaints from women.   There are millions of single, never-married, employed, educated, and heterosexual men out there.   Women seem to look past these men.  Now many men believe that women don’t know a good man when they see one.   I strongly disagree.  Women ALWAYS know a good man when they see one.   The issue is the true definition of a “good man.”  

            In my last blog, “The True Player’s Secret,” I discussed the difference between a woman’s social needs and her sexual needs.   A woman’s social needs and sexual needs often contradict each other especially in a culture that works to suppress a woman’s sexuality.    When women talk about a “shortage of good men” they don’t mean in a social sense.   There are plenty of available men who women consider socially good.   Women don’t consider these men good in a sexual sense.   “Good man” is really womanese for “good-looking,” “sexy as fuck,” “damn he fine,” and “he could get it.”   When women complain about a shortage of good men they are simply talking about men who can turn them on sexually.

            Most men are very honest in the sense that they say publically they want good looking and sexy women.  Even men who identify themselves as nice guys will say they want, and even in some cases feel entitled to, sexy women.   Too me it’s stupid to believe that women are not the same way.   I consistently hear men and less than honest women say that women don’t care as much about looks.   I’ve even said it in moments of delusion.    Women care very much about looks because they are sexually turned on by men’s looks.   Yes women will have sex with unattractive men but it’s usually for the same reasons a man will have sex with an unattractive women.   Sometimes people just need some.    By nature women are always LOOKING to be aroused by men.   When women check out a man it’s not because they are necessarily interested in him.   They are looking for a sexual spark.   It is often said that a woman makes a determination about a man within the first few minutes of meeting him.   That determination is not based on the man’s character traits or his financial portfolio.   The determination is based on the man’s face, body, dick print, voice, smell, and body language.  If the woman feels a sexual spark she may give the man a chance to proceed further.  If she doesn’t she keeps walking.

            When a woman looks at a man with her sexual face she is subconsciously thinking two things: potential father of her children and a very pleasurable sexual experience.  Consider a quote from my book, Sexual Chemistry:

            Men do many things to attract the attention of women.   They flash money, tell lies, and even try to intimidate women into going out with them.   If, however, one were to strip away everything else, a woman’s primary attraction to a man is not going to be based on things such as money, status, or even personality.  The attraction will be primal.   The men women will go for, indeed throw themselves at are the ones who are the most healthy and appear to be the strongest.   It’s really no different from female animals that only mate with the healthiest and strongest males in order to have the strongest offspring.  Of course, other factors come into play with regard to humans but that primal dynamic underlies everything.   Women, at a primal level, are looking for a man with the best genes to father their children.  The men perceived as having the best genes will arouse women the most.   No matter how sophisticated we get, no matter how many books we read, no matter our spiritual or political beliefs, women are looking for the healthiest male with the best genetic material.  

Sexual Chemistry pp. 69 -70

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           People often talk about alpha males.   See women in general want alpha males but not social alpha males.   There are plenty of men who are socially confident, successful, and are leaders.   Many of these men either have trouble finding women, are partnered with unattractive women, engage in alternative sexual lifestyles, or frequently pay for sex.   Sex tourism or paying for a dominatrix isn’t cheap.  According to the prevailing wisdom these men should be at the top of the sexual pecking order but they are not.  They are social alpha males but women don’t want them.  Women get that tingle in their vaginas when they run into sexual alpha males.

         Most sexual alpha males are not successful captains of industry.   Many sexual alpha males come from poor and working class environments.   This is why there is the belief that women only want bad boys or thugs.   It’s not so much that these men are actually thugs but more of a perception based on class differences.  Many men who self-identify as nice guys or good men have middle class backgrounds and attitudes or at least have adopted them.  There is a tendency to look down on men from poorer backgrounds.   The middle class nice guys will wonder why women are going crazy over men from the underclass.  It has nothing to do with the attitudes or behaviors.   It’s about the physical nature of these men.   An upper class man with the same physical body and presence would get as much attention.

          Years ago I worked at a gym where several sexual alpha males worked out.   Of course all the male members weren’t sexual alpha males.   Maybe 25 percent of the men qualified.   It was an interesting mix of social classes, backgrounds, and occupations.   Among the sexual alpha males there were male strippers, drug dealers, police officers, blue collar men, business owners, former college athletes, and senior management types.   Women used to join the gym just to get at these men.   Membership sales were easy for me.  I would take a woman through the areas where the most men worked out.  These sexual alpha males helped a brotha feed his babies.   Now the only thing these men had in common was their body builds.   That’s it.  They had different personalities, they weren’t thugs (the drug dealers were more high level)   and they were definitely different social classes.   One of them once said to me about pulling women, “Rom, it’s too easy.”   He said this after a phat booty young lady handed him her phone number without him asking.  

        At the gym there were some men who would qualify as social alpha males because of their social class, education, and occupations.   They also tended to be married to very attractive women.    Women who complain the most about a shortage of good men are often middle class and formally educated.   Their real complaint is that there are not enough men who are middle class and formally educated who can also turn them on sexually.   When I was promoting my first book, Nice Guys and Players, I had many middle to upper class African American women buy the book.   The basic premise of Nice Guys and Players is that women want a man who is socially acceptable but also sexually pleasing.   Many women can find a man who can get them wet but for several reasons they may not be able to be seen publically with him.

        There’s a lot I can say about this issue.  I may write a book on this subject because the social/sexual dynamics of the “Good Man Shortage” are quite fascinating.   For now I say that the discussion about the “Good Man Shortage” needs to be an honest one.   Most relationship discussions focus of the social side of relationships but not on the sexual side.   If people are serious about creating better male/female relationships the sexual side must be addressed.

The following is an excerpt from Amanmere - The Natural Blueprint For Relationships by Yao Nyamekye Morris. Reprinted with permission.

When it comes to scoring points with a woman, nice guys definitely finish last. Usually dead last. But Charles did not know this. He confuses the proper conduct for a human socially, with the proper conduct for a male sexually. (Rom’s emphasis) For today many men are led to believe certain things about the attitudes of the modern woman which are contrary to the natural reality. The magazines say the woman wants such and so, and that the man should act thus and so. But the magazines don’t tell the brothers that these things only apply to about 15% of the male population. These are the men from the ‘select’ group who can get away with just about anything and usually do. But if the typical male takes the advice in the articles, and changes to conform to the patterns of behavior dictated, he will sadly discover that nothing has changed in the neighborhood. In the jungle of sexuality Charles will not kill any game unless he acquires the instincts of a hunter. And this is to some extent what Charles is doing. In his interaction with Michelle he finds that he needs to be decisive, to have an agenda. When he is wishy-washy they tend to argue. When he takes charge and is aggressive in the bedroom it seems that Michelle enjoys it better. Charles matures as a result of his relationship with Michelle. And Michelle benefits also. After being together for three years, the relationship has peaked. Charles receives an offer of promotion at the telephone company, but it requires that he move to another city. Michelle decides to stay behind, but they agree to part as good friends.

Charles has gone a long way to shedding his “nice guy” persona. He has developed into a more balanced man. And being in a new environment gives a chance to shape peer perception of him from scratch. Charles no longer feels like the invisible man. Attractive, charismatic women have begun to notice him in the office. At work females flirt with him. They do not flirt with him because of his involvement in community work and church, but because he manifests a more complete masculine persona. It is now time for Charles to relate to a carnal woman, but his relocation causes the cycle to take a little longer than before. But soon Charles meets Wanda, and is reminded by her of a dream he had. He knows at once that she is the next one. Wanda is very attractive, and has the masochistic personality like Elaine. But she is not Elaine and he is not the old Charles. Charles has the same nervous reaction around Wanda that he had a teenager around Beverly. But he is more disciplined man now and it does not show on the outside. He plays it cool with Wanda and they hit it off. The relationship with Wanda however is short. It only lasts a few months. For Charles discovers that she is insecure and somewhat immature for her age. Charles does not realize it, but he is being used by nature to shape Wanda into a more balanced woman. The physical relationship between Wanda and Charles is hot and passionate. It is the most intense lovemaking Charles will ever experience. And this aspect alone keeps Charles in the relationship longer than he would have been otherwise. But that is one of the lessons he must learn, that physical sex is not everything. Soon he learns that lesson, and moves on. He counts the relationship as being unsuccessful but he has gained by it spirituality and carnally and so has Wanda. They part as friends.

Charles spends almost a year in no relationship, because the next female in the cycle would not relate to him. Then he transfers back to the main office, and moves back in to his old neighborhood. In the meantime Elaine has dated several men who treated her badly. After she caught one of them cheating on her with one of her girlfriends, she decided to give a different type of guy a try. So she joined a church. The same church that Charles used to be a member of. It has been several years since she has seen Charles. At church one Sunday she runs into her old friend Charles and they rekindle their friendship. She remembers vividly how kind, concerned and thoughtful he had been to her. Looking at the man before her now, Elaine sees a more confident poised person. The other men in her life had only been macho, but not truly masculine, and each had proved unworthy. Charles was a successful executive now. He owned his own home. And five years of working out and martial arts had created a hard chiseled body. Elaine asked him out for dinner, but Charles refused. He was still attracted to her, but no longer willing to be just a shoulder for her to cry on. He told Elaine how he felt. And although they exchanged telephone numbers, Charles never called Elaine. But the spirits would not let it end there. Charles and Elaine were a good potential match for each other. They were strongly archetype complimentary. The spirits made another effort to bring them together.

There was a former boyfriend of Elaine’s who has abused her. And as “fate” would have it, she ran into him as a club one night. He hounded her and her girlfriend all night. Finally they gave him the slip and left the club. But he followed her home. And he arrived just as her girlfriend was leaving. When she would not open the door for him he became angry. He went to a phone booth nearby and called Elaine and threatened her. In the meantime Elaine had called Charles who lived near her. And Charles arrived on the scene just as the man was kicking down her door. Although the man was bigger, Charles beat him severely. And in so doing he rescued Elaine from a sure beating. The police did not arrive for another fifteen minutes. After that crisis Elaine and Charles saw each other in another light. And each began to se that maybe mistakes could be forgiven, and old misconceptions erased. The next night Elaine came to visit Charles. And that might they both tried to make up for all of the love each other had been missing for the better part of their lives. For Charles and Elaine the alternating cycle of attraction was completed.

Amanmere pp. 219 –220

  Yao Nyamekye Morris is also author of the Urban Science Fiction Epic, The Oracle of Khemsa Nu. His website is http://www.oraclekhemsanu.com/

The following is an excerpt from Amanmere - The Natural Blueprint For Relationships by Yao Nyamekye Morris. Reprinted with permission.


“Nice” guys do not finish first. At least as far as their sexual life is concerned. Charles has found out that being a sensitive kind of guy does not always pay. Charles has discovered that being a nice guy has placed him into the second category of men, the “non-select” group. He has discovered that most often his kindness is seen as a sign of weakness. But this situation is his own fault. He can change it. The alternating cycle of attraction will help.

At the age of twenty-two we find Charles excelling on his job, popular in his church, and respected by his neighbors. Many of the mothers in his old neighborhood wish their daughters would bring home a man like Charles. But the daughters disagree. At this point Charles meets Elaine. For Charles, Elaine is one of the carnal women sent by his cycle. Elaine just wants to be friends with Charles. Elaine has the masochistic personality structure. She is also an intelligentsian. Charles tried to romance Elaine but it didn’t work. He took her out on dates and spent money on her, but she insisted the relationship remain platonic. Charles remembered her birthday and knew her favorite color. He calls Elaine beforehand if he will be late for a date. Charles is not cheap, dishonest, or crude, but none of this impressed Elaine. Elaine called Charles to ask him to help her assemble a new piece of exercise equipment. He helped her. She called Charles when she needed help to move into a new apartment. He helped her.

At the same time that Elaine was friends with Charles, she was intimate with Joe. Joe has the psychopathic personality structure. Charles did not know about Joe. Joe rarely took Elaine out for anything, and when they went out Elaine paid half. But she didn’t mind. Joe forgot Elaine’s birthday, and she spent that night alone in tears. Joe has broken two dates with Elaine and never gave her a good explanation. Elaine called Joe to help her assemble that equipment before she called Charles, but Joe said he was busy. He was just watching the game in reality, and just did not wish to be bothered. Two nights later Joe came over while Elaine was working out on her new machine. He made love to her right on the exercise machine Charles had helped put together. The irony never occurred to Elaine. In a few weeks Elaine caught Joe in a lie. She suspected he was seeing another woman, and he had lied about having a beeper. That and other things caused the temporary break up of the relationship between Elaine and Joe. After the break up, Elaine called Charles to cry on his shoulders.

Charles finally decided to give up on Elaine and move on. Female adults have a dual sexual character. That is, they have a spiritual sexual nature, and a carnal sexual nature. And so it follows that they have dual sexual needs, both a set of spiritual sexual needs and a set of carnal sexual needs. But in many females half of their sexual needs are not apparent, or poorly expressed. They are not necessarily fully aware of the needs themselves. For a man to be fully attractive, and fully able to satisfy the opposite sex, he must be aware of and able to fulfill both sets of needs. Charles is not. He is not able to, nor fully motivated to fulfill her carnal set of needs. And therein lies the problem. Charles had a good male friend from Haiti that he met in college. One evening he and his friend were talking about Elaine and women in general over a beer. His friend recommended that Charles pay a visit to a Yoruba priest that he knew. It took a few more beers to convince Charles, but finally he said “what the heck”, and they left to go to the shrine house. It turned out to be a defining event in Charles’ life. The shrine turned out to be a scary place to Charles at first. There were many strange looking objects about that gave the interior a weird vibration. He was expecting the priest to be a strange looking individual and he was. But once he opened his mouth Charles could tell that this was no ordinary man. Charles made his complaint to the shrine, and the priest proceeded to give him a reading. Charles was astonished that the shrine seemed to know a lot about his childhood and family. But the advice that the priest gave him did not seem to make much sense. He had expected that the shrine would give him some magic powder or roots. But what he was told to do had to do with his own personal nature, and his development in life, from his ancestors to that present moment. The deities at that shrine had performed their own sexual portfolio on Charles, better than any we can outline in a book. And they had determined the best steps for Charles to take now, all factors in his life considered. They told Charles what signs to look for in his next female companion.

And so Charles began a transformation. He began to work out at the company gym. He began to reduce his community and church activities and began to focus more energy on building up his masculine nature. He began to read about his inner nature. He took a class in Kung Fu. He followed the instructions of the shrine and went back for several follow-up visits. And soon, just as the shrine had said, Charles met a woman named Michelle, and he could recognize her by certain signs. Michelle had a spiritual persona when compared to Charles, but she was still very physically attractive. She and Charles slowly developed a good relationship. Through his interaction with Michelle, Charles, began to get into greater alignment with the carnal aspect of his masculine persona. He began to get in touch with his assertive, aggressive nature. His root chakra began to open. This was due to the work being done on his behalf at the shrine. And during this period feelings or suppressed anger were stirred up and brought to the surface. The opening of the psychic body created urges and emotions in Charles that he may at first find hard to control or justify. He did not like some of the things he felt himself becoming. For this man can be cruel as well as sensitive. This man does not take rejection well. And sometimes Michelle found him difficult to tolerate. But this phase passed.

To be continued…

Amanmere pp. 217 - 219

Yao Nyamekye Morris is also author of the Urban Science Fiction Epic, The Oracle of Khemsa Nu. His website is http://www.oraclekhemsanu.com/