The following was originally published on November 20, 2013. It was an excerpt from an unpublished manuscript I have called "Being Mr. Goodbar." One thing I've observed in relationship discussions is that people want to talk about everything except sex. The issue is that sex and the quality of that sex is a major reason why a relationship succeeds or fails. There are always other issues of course but if people were to be honest they would say that sex played a major role. Check out the excerpt and let me know what you think.
Why do women cheat on hardworking and devoted men? Why do men and women defy custom and mores to couple with someone whose skin color contrasts sharply with theirs? Why do my Brethren and I get the attention we do?
It’s all about sex baby.
Women are not casting sideways glances at men of handsome faces and buffed bodies while walking with their devoted mates because they think these pretty men are dependable workers who will faithfully keep a roof over their heads. They are not thinking this sexy man will support their dreams and aspirations. These women have their husbands for that. No they want something more primal as they lustfully eye the men with confident strides and sexy smiles.
We really don’t talk about sexuality in relationships. The psychologists, sociologists, therapists, and talk show hosts will talk around sexuality, as if it is incidental to the maintenance of a relationship. They will say that the couple just needs more communication, more time to talk about their goals together, and a respect for each other. What somebody needs to ask is if the couple has a fulfilling sex life.
Even the so-called experts who do discuss sexually do so in a clinical way or one tainted by religious bias. I recall one such book by someone of national renown. This person listed what a woman needed to be satisfied by a man. Listening and washing the dishes were among the items listed as well as being treated nice. I laughed out loud while browsing this book in the store. The listed items were the specialties of the Nice Guy. If this was what was needed for satisfaction the sexual hierarchy would be flipped on its head as the Nice Guy with his intellectual and sensitive veneer would be the object of desire for the masses of female humanity and Mr. Goodbar would be the one at home sexually frustrated while watching the latest straight-to-video DVD.
As a society we are not publicly comfortable with a woman’s sexual needs. The causes of this discomfort stem from socio-religious-political indoctrination formulated in many cases by men in power who were uncomfortable with their own sexuality. That’s why we see so many boyish looking fashion models and not the voluptuous paradigm of a generation ago.
In the surface world we put women on the pedestal of chaste perfection while we vilify the woman who is comfortable with her sexual desires and is blatant in their assertion.
Damn, no wonder things are so crazy. On one hand we tell the women to be chaste and pure and on the other hand we use the power of a woman’s sexuality to sell everything from toothpaste to outdoor grills. It’s in this contradiction, this duality, which the shadow world exists.
Women are not the only ones affected as many men buy into the illusions and suppress their sexuality to the point that once they get into a relationship they cannot satisfy their women. After being left high and dry for the umpteenth time, these women become susceptible to the lure of Mr. Goodbar. A major reason Mr. Goodbar gets the women, to put it into the vernacular of those of less poetic sentimentality: he knows how to hit it.
The sexual needs of the average woman are not met. Their greatest complaint being that they don’t feel the rush of orgasmic pleasure. Their men don’t make them feel good. Many women seek a substitute for that elusive pleasure. Some get high from shopping for items they have little or no use for. Many others flock to church to get the spirit, as it becomes an abstract substitute for the pleasure they lack in their mundane world.
Others are of a more pragmatic disposition as they flock to dark clubs to be entertained by the gyrations of muscular men inducing erotic trances with their sexually provocative and rhythmic movements. Others are more discreet, settling for an occasional rendezvous with the smooth skinned man in the office two doors down as he kisses her neck and rubs her round posterior. Sometimes that’s all she needs as she straightens her skirt, and sits back at her desk and calls her husband to ask what does he want for dinner.
Is a rush of pleasure too much for a woman to ask for? Is carnal fulfillment something reserved for men? Women need to get theirs too. There needs to be a greater discussion about sexuality and not pretend it’s not significant. Until this is done the problems stemming from bad relationships will continue to rise and Mr. Goodbar will continue to have his way.