I'm going to start expanding the scope of this blog. In the future I will be doing videos in addition to the written articles. The following video was something I did last August. I address the controversial issue of women chasing thugs. Let me know what you think.
There was stuff I wanted to add to the blog last week but I didn’t want to take any shine from Shophar. Thing is we are still in teacher/student mode, only now sometimes he’s the teacher and I’m the student. We go deep. Deeper than anything I put online. The knowledge we bounce off of each other will one day change the current dysfunctional nature of male/female relationships. Right now the knowledge is known and practiced by a select few. We both apply this knowledge in our everyday lives. When a critical mass of people begin to apply this knowledge the culture, and indeed the world will change. Yeah it’s that powerful.
Now I’m bringing this up because I could easily act like I’m high and mighty to the point where someone I once taught cannot teach me. That’s never been my character though. There is one lesson that has served me well in life. There are actually many lessons but one in particular stands out. The lesson was learning to be humble.
Now I know some readers are like “Rom? Humble? Please!” Yeah I do have a good size ego. Having an ego is a good thing if it helps one to accomplish their goals in life. My ego has driven me to get my education, to have jobs where I can help people, to start successful businesses, to write books, and to write this blog when I would rather be chilling listening to good jazz. Yes I will big up myself but that’s not what being humble means. Being humble means that no matter who I think I am or who I want to be I will shut the fuck up and listen to someone when they are trying to teach me something. I’m a person who learns from whoever I come into contact with. Indeed when people first meet me in many cases they think I’m quiet or even shy. Far from it. I just give people a chance to say what they have to say. Sometimes I learn something, sometimes I don’t. Over the years I’ve had women especially, drop some gems that helped me to date and have sex with some very beautiful women. Let me tell a bit of my story. No matter where I thought I was with women, by humbling myself and listening I was always able to take things to another level. There were three occasions that stand out in my mind.
The first occasion was sometime in 1990. I was where many men who read dating, seduction, and game blogs want to be now. I had zero problem approaching women whether it was on the streets during the day or in night clubs at night. I had a smooth rap as we said back then. Smartphones didn’t exist so we had little black books. Mine was like the yellow pages with several volumes. Collecting numbers was very easy. I had the sharp suits, the leather jackets, and the shoe game was on point. I always kept a fresh haircut. I already had a college degree and was working on an advanced degree. Let’s keep it raw, the race element played a part as well as many Black women don’t so much complain about the shortage of men but about the shortage of EDUCATED Black men. Oh yeah, oh yeah, getting dates was very easy. I had to work a bit harder for sex but I was getting my cut (pun intended). I just wasn’t getting my cut as much as I liked but still more than the average man. Now the only real weakness I had which I didn’t see as such was my weight. I was about twenty to thirty pounds overweight. I still had everything else though and my dick still got wet on a consistent basis. Then something happened to push me to a new level.
I had a date with this fine woman. She was hot. We knew each other for a while and had kissed and grinded at a party before. So we go to this concert. We have a good time with some friends. After the show I wanted some sex. Seemed logical to me. Not to her apparently. She declined and told me why. She said I was too big for her. If I was in my ego I would have got mad but I humbled myself and received her message. See I was raised by my Grandmother and she would talk to me whether or not she thought I was listening. She told me when I was little to listen to a person when they tell you about yourself. Especially if that person tells you in private. She said don’t get mad and thank the person because if one person sees something others do as well. Incidentally the woman who told me about my weight was a dear friend for many more years.
The outcome of that moment was that I started jogging to lose weight. It had immediate benefits as women who had previously put me in the dreaded friend zone decided they wanted to show my penis some oral love. Even the quality of women I was dealing with improved as the pounds melted away. The thing is I still had a ways to go.
The second occasion was in the summer of 1991. After getting my post graduate degree I decided to go into federal law enforcement. I was in the application process for a very prominent agency. Part of the process was a physical test I had to pass. So instead of casually jogging a couple of miles I now had to RUN those miles because the test required that I run two miles under 16 minutes. I was also required to do a certain amount of pushups and sit-ups. Instead of casually exercising, I was in full training mode. I reached my optimum body weight and build during that summer. I was 190 lbs. with less than 10 percent body fat. One woman said I was built like a cross between a Marine and male stripper. I started getting more sex from women but to keep it raw it wasn’t because of the body. The body was only part of the equation.
During that summer I was dealing with some sex workers. I can’t disclose the nature of that encounter without violating some laws. Honestly the legal nature of the encounters wasn’t the most significant thing. When I dealt with these sex workers they had a lot to say about male/female relationships. The info they gave me isn’t something that’s in the public sphere. Indeed since that summer I have read books, attended seminars on everything from men cheating to Tantric sex, read blogs, and have talked with thousands of men and women and have YET to have this info repeated back to me. I have never seen it written anywhere even on blogs where men claim to be players. These sex workers gave me valuable insight into a woman’s nature. Basically these sex workers taught me how to SEDUCE a woman very easily. I was an attentive student. The info is so powerful I rarely discuss it even when I’m around actual players. There were exceptions which I’ll get into later. None of my books or blogs contain the info. Despite what people think to the contrary men who are true seducers are EXTREMELY rare. 99.9 percent of men get women because the women think they are cute or they fulfill some need. That thing called “game” only works in a man’s mind. Women let men think it works because it’s easier.
So by humbling myself I was able to get more sex than I knew what to do with. I entered a place I’ll call the sexual underworld. I don’t mean in terms of alternative lifestyles like BDSM or swinging. It was a world I saw the sexual face of women even when they wanted to hide it. It was a world where the church lady who wore conservative clothes during the day had sex with four men at the same time that night. It was where that lame dude who looked like a virgin had ten women in a sexual rotation. It was world where people showed their true sexual faces. With the skills I had I used to seduce women to pass the time. I wouldn’t even bother to have sex with a woman once she was seduced. I got more from the chase with some women. Keep in mind one dynamic that is true even to this day. I have very rarely been a woman’s type despite everything I had going for me. When women discussed their ideal man I never fit the description. I managed to get around that though.
The third occasion came in 1998. I was having a conversation with an older woman. To this day I can’t remember the content of the entire conversation. I just remember a statement she made. Now I had the body, status, money, car, apartment in affluent neighborhood, and some serious seduction skills that I was growing weary of using. This woman without smiling told me one of the most profound things someone has ever told me. In a brief sentence she changed my perspective of how I looked at women. The understanding that she gave me got me to the point where quality women were ROUTINELY approaching me. I didn’t have to use seduction skills, I wasn’t working out as hard so I wasn’t at my optimum body weight. I even stopped going on dates. Women would just come to my apartment. It got to the point where I worked to dissuade women from coming over. I told one woman I didn’t have any food she said she would bring some. I had women who would straight up tell me they wanted to have sex with me. Women started getting pissed if I didn’t show any sexual interest. I was doing this without spending money or actively seducing. All because I humbled myself to listen to a woman’s thoughts and then changing my thinking.
One thing I need to say before closing out this blog. Many will read this blog and then hit me up privately to find out the secrets I’m keeping. Don’t waste your time. First of all for a man to use the knowledge shared with me he would have to have a certain foundation in place. A man who has had limited sexual contact with a woman would not be able to employ the techniques. I had considerable dating and sexual experience when I encountered the sex workers. I already had a frame of reference to process what they told me. A man who had experienced multiple rejections from women would have dismissed the info as science fiction. I’ve shared the info in the past and many men didn’t get any results. Notice I said many men. The second reason I don’t share the info easily is because one time I carelessly gave a womanizer with bad intent an insight on how to see a woman’s sexual face and he took it and became a more efficient womanizer. He was the type who would have sex with all of his friend’s wives and girlfriends. The bad part was I gave the info freely. So please don’t hit up my inbox asking for some tips. Work on the foundation first which is the body and learning how to talk to women. Pay your dues first.
This isn’t about so much listening to a woman’s advice or changing to please a woman. This is bigger than that. I’ve humbled myself to listen to many men. See I read many blogs and websites. I talk to a lot of people. Many men think they are on top of the game. Many men are considered players simply because they talk to a woman. Some men think if they get consistent dates they are the man. Some men think they have arrived if they have sex with a new woman every other month. One thing I see is a lot of arrogance. Many men need to humble themselves because no matter where they are there is always another level.
I had an interesting day yesterday. I was out and about doing what I do. I had several conversations with men about what men usually talk about if it is not sports, women. One young man was telling me how tired he was feeling because his girl wore him out the night before. He was also telling me how jealous she gets because other women check him out and that she always checks his phone. He also had a lot of insight into the true nature of women. Now this is a young Black male who society would label as a thug because of his braided hair and rough appearance. I had a conversation an hour or so later with a muscular white man who had a lot of insight into women. This dude was a self-described Poon Hound. Watching his head swivel every time a woman walked past us was entertaining. As he said, “I like women. All women.” This the type of cat who would fuck anything female that moves. He walk by an aquarium the fish would stop swimming. He walk outside the wind stops blowing. Outside these two, I got texts throughout the day from men who get more women than they know what to do with. It was a Goodbar type of day. It very refreshing.
As I’ve written several times I have talked with literally thousands of women. What I don’t say is that I’ve talked with literally thousands of men. Now when men get together the two main topics of conversation will be sports and women. Indeed a man can go anywhere on the planet and connect with locals talking about sports or women, especially women. I’m convinced a phat ass can bring world peace. Now most of the conversations are men complaining about their lack of success with women. I spend a significant amount of time listening to every negative thing possible being said about women. Even online the majority of men’s social media pages, blogs, videos, and websites are talking negative. This is the case even with sites dedicated to men improving with women. I referenced a few of these sites in my blog, Different Worlds of Men. There was one, however, I didn’t reference. That world was Goodbar Land.
I have yet to find a website that caters to Mr. Goodbar. I’ve found some that are arguably close. In my Different Worlds blog I mention Better Man World and Poly World. These aren’t Goodbars though. These are Masked Man types. These are men who had to do a lot of work to become select. There was another underground site I didn’t mention in that article that I was privy to that catered to real Pimps. You had to know somebody to get the link for that site. It still wasn’t a Goodbar site. Contrary to popular belief the Pimps really don’t have as much insight into the female mind as a Goodbar. Pimps are skilled at finding and managing women who are willing to sell their body. Pimps are lousy at dealing with regular or what they call square women. The image of the pimp is more in public consciousness. Goodbar is something else entirely.
I have a vivid memory of a seminar I did back in 2001 based on my book, Nice Guys and Players. It was with a group of young Black professionals. It was standing room only and a lot of energy. A fun part of the seminar was people acting out in skits the different character types I had in my books. It was all improv with a man and woman in each skit. They were given a brief description of each character and they went to work. The Nice Guy and Masked Man skits were good. The Gamesman skit had me on the floor laughing. Dude had legitimate good game which quite frankly is rare. He later told me he had seven sisters who taught him a lot. Anyway when they got to the Goodbar skit the man came on to the woman very aggressively and I stopped laughing. It was all wrong. I explained the problems of the interpretation and people looked at me as if I had an antenna growing out of my head.
Let me explain something about Mr. Goodbar. He is the top of food chain as far as sexual desirability. He is an Apex predator. People think Pimps or Macks are the top dogs, the Alpha Males, but it’s really Mr. Goodbar. The key piece with Goodbar is not that he chases women but rather they chase him. Women actively try to seduce Mr. Goodbar. This is an alien concept to most men who are not Goodbars. Women already know even though they don’t talk about it publically and especially not in mixed company. Goodbars don’t street harass or spend money trying to impress women. Women will street harass and spend money trying to impress Goodbar. Gigolos and Male Strippers are Goodbars who have gone pro. I remember this one dude who telling me he had “arrived.” He felt that since he was starting to get sex with decent women that he was the man. He found out the hard way that he wasn’t. He was getting women based on his salary, his home, and his cars. He had arrived as a Masked Man, the mask being the resources but he wasn’t Goodbar. A man knows he is Goodbar when women show up to his place with a trench coat on and nothing else. A man knows he’s Goodbar when he get late night texts talking about, “What you doing?” If a man has to open his wallet he’s not Goodbar. Only a small percentage of men have it like that.
Now many people think that Goodbar is probably a really handsome man that looks like a male model. Not really. First of all handsome is a subjective thing. What’s handsome to one woman is ugly to another. When it comes to dating advice, there is too much emphasis on facial features even when it is said, “Looks don’t matter.” For people who believe looks matter they feel that as long as a man has a handsome face he will get attention. I would say I’ve seen this to be the case when a man has an EXTREMELY handsome face. Otherwise there are standard handsome men who have a lot of trouble with women. The issue is not their faces. The key to turning on a woman sexually is not the face. There are millions of handsome men who are also seen as Nice Guys. Facially many may be better looking to women than a Goodbar. These men are also skinny or overweight. The key ingredient for a Goodbar is not the face but his body. What separates Mr. Goodbar from other men is his body. More on that later.
See a failing with many men in relating to women is that they are too much in their heads. They are approaching women using logical thinking. Logical thinking by its very nature is microcosmic. It is left-brained. It sees a small part of the overall picture. It is thinking based on information. It is limited if the information on a particular subject is limited. For example, many men base their actions in relating to women on studies and statistics. One example is the idea that fifty percent of Black women have herpes. This is according to a Center for Disease Control study. This study is based on actual test results. Many men will base their logical thinking on this study when dealing with Black women. The problem with this type of thinking is obvious to someone using common sense. In order for the statement that fifty percent of Black women have herpes every single Black woman in the country would have to be tested. A more accurate statement would be to say that fifty percent of the Black women TESTED for herpes had the disease. A woman would only get tested for herpes or anything else for the matter only if they showed symptoms. An analogy would be that a woman wouldn’t get tested for pregnancy unless she showed symptoms.
My point is that logical thinking is limited as far as relationships are concerned. It’s good for professions which have well established rules, regulations, and standards. Dealing with women is another thing entirely. A man who is too much in his head will see a Goodbar at a bar say something to a women and see her immediately get sexual with him. So the man in his head thinks, “If I say the same thing I will get the same result.” Most “game” advice focuses on saying the right things to women. So the man says the same things as the Goodbar and fails miserably. Depending on where he is he may get kicked out of the club or even arrested. What the man using logic didn’t see was that the Goodbar turned on the woman sexually before he even said a word to her. The woman was turned on by the man’s body. All the Goodbar had to do was pick up on the woman’s interest which leads to another difference between Goodbar and the rest of the male population. Mr. Goodbar doesn’t think the same way as other men.
There are actually four modes of thinking. Logical thinking is one mode which is linear, left-brained, and microcosmic. There is also analytical thinking which is abstract, left-brained and microcosmic. It uses analogy to compare one thing to another in order to come to a conclusion. There is a mode called synthesis which is holistic, right-brained, and macrocosmic. Synthesis looks at the big picture and how different parts of the picture fit together. People who have a lot of common sense are using synthesis. Finally there is integration which is intuitive, right-brained, and macrocosmic. People who use integration are the type that do things based on “gut feelings.” They are drawing from their subconscious mind. They can read a person or situation accurately without any outside information. Most human innovations came from integration.
As far as the four categories of men, Nice Guys, Gamesmen, and Masked Men tend to use logical and analytical thinking. Good for working in many professions and keeping a car running but not so good for dealing with women. Relationships are a right-brain thing. Men and even women who approach relationships using their left-brain are doomed to failure and at best a passionless coupling based on pragmatic concerns. Goodbars tend to use synthesis and integration. One way that I know when a man is a Goodbar or at least has the potential is that he can read women real well. This isn’t the type of reads that are taught in PUA boot camps which treat all the women the same. A Goodbar reads each woman as an individual and adjusts his actions accordingly. Goodbar is using intuition and also a lot of common sense. Goodbars know that women are into sex as much, even more than men. Strangely, many men think women don’t want sex as much as men and are scandalized when women show how sexual they can really get. Goodbar intuits a woman’s sexual interest. Using common sense Goodbar realizes that just like men are attracted to a woman’s body, women are attracted to a man’s body.
Many dating advice professionals will advise men to join a gym and get fit. The problem is that the men will still approach women while still in their heads. They still think some magic words or behaviors will turn on a woman sexually. Here’s a reality. The men who get the most panties thrown at them are not the brightest as group. I thought so at one time because of a personal bias but if I’m being honest the men who get the most women are not that bright at least not in a left-brain logical way. There are exceptions like in everything else. The women are responding to the man’s body. Just like a man wants to suck those breasts and grab that ass, a woman wants to lick that chest and grab that ass too. Ask me how I know. Women as a group are DRAWN to a certain body type, which tends to be mesomorphic or very close to it. The affect is literally magnetic to women. Men who are not close to that ideal need to be extremely handsome AND tall. For any man not at those ideals women will be a struggle and are doing well to simply get a cooperative girlfriend. One thing Goodbar doesn’t do is overthink situations with women. Women really aren’t that deep.
There is so much I can say. For anyone trying to get into Goodbar Land hit the gym. If you’re skinny add some bulk. If you’re overweight lose some weight. Even after you do all that learn to think differently. I know many men want to take workshops and read books on women. Many men will listen to other clueless men. Ultimately every man needs to cultivate his intuition and common sense. Follow those gut feelings. There has been many beautiful woman I passed over because my gut feeling screamed, “Oh hell no!” I have no regrets. I always found out something negative about the woman later on. Use some common sense. Dealing with women in a cookie cutter manner is stupid. Each woman no matter how similar she is to other women is still an individual. You gotta read that woman. You can’t follow a script. If you are having trouble with women it’s not the women. It’s you. You need to change your thinking because apparently it’s not working.
One final thing. The man who just read this needs to ask himself some basic questions. Does he want to live in a world where he has to remember lines, spend money, and chase women who may end up friend zoning him? Does he want to live in a world where women show up to his door wearing nothing but a trench coat and heels?
Think on this.