Category: Pretty-boys

A Player's Eyes Excerpt: Pretty Boy Problems

1/3/2016

          The following excerpt is from my latest book, "A Player's Eyes."   The response to the book has been outstanding.    I want to thank all of my supporters.   Many have contacted me privately about the chapter in the book titled "Pretty Boy Problems."   I included the chapter because many men feel like if they just look good they wouldn't have relationship problems.   Yeah a good looking man gets more attention but more attention can sometimes mean more problems.

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           In my life I have a met a few men who women considered physically attractive above and beyond the rest of the male population. Even other men would look at these guys and say the dudes looked good.   Now conventional wisdom would suggest that these men made out like bandits with women. Anybody looking at them would assume they had harems.   Naw. The pretty boys I’ve met in my life have either been very monogamous or very single.   Yes they had a whole bunch of women lusting after them, in some case even butch lesbians.   Lusting after someone is one thing.   Actually having sex with that person is another.   One thing with Pretty Boys is that they will have trouble because many women are intimidated by them.
Many women are very insecure.   They can strut around like Amazons ready to conquer the world and whatnot. They can make a business deal in the morning and then go home to their big expensive houses and whip up a fabulous dinner for themselves to eat while they watch their big screen TVs.   Yeah many women are dripping strength and confidence until they meet that drop dead gorgeous man who’s tall and buffed. That same woman who just addressed executives at a board meeting has trouble saying hello to the man as he walks by.   If she does speak she’ll stutter and once he walks by she’ll rush home to change her panties because she peed on herself.   It’s not that women don’t want Pretty Boys.   It’s just that the butterflies are doing the tango in their stomachs.   Just like men get anxiety around beautiful women, women get it worse around beautiful men.

Even in situations where a Pretty Boy will take the initiative and approach a woman there are still problems. Even the most beautiful of women really don’t think they’re beautiful.   Some will even think they are ugly. So when a Pretty Boy approaches them the first thing they are thinking is, “Why is this fine man approaching me?”   A woman will assess that man’s looks and assume that he already has ten girlfriends.   Some women will even reject this man because despite his looks they don’t want to be a part of a harem.   This is just one scenario.

Another situation I’ve observed a lot is when a Pretty Boy is in a social group where women have time to check him out.   Now they’ll ask about him and may even be in a position to talk to him.   They already see he is handsome.   They talk to him and find out he is also very intelligent and also has a cool personality. It comes out that the man is single and doesn’t date a lot.   What women will do in this situation is start asking, “What’s wrong with him?”   In a woman’s mind a fine man should always have a woman or at least some prospects.   They may start asking questions to see what’s wrong with him.   Something will always be wrong because the dude may look good but he is still human.   Some women magnify a small fault into something major.   Then there’s the one stigma Pretty Boys have to deal not only from women but from men as well.   People will wonder if he is gay.

I’ve heard women just straight up call a very handsome man gay even if he doesn’t show any signs of being a homosexual. Some women even look for it because they are looking for some flaw.   This stems from their own insecurity.   Men on the other hand are just jealous because this Pretty Boy is typically getting more attention than they are. Many men have a bad habit of putting another man down in front of women.   Brotherhood goes out the door when a pretty face, big tits, and a phat ass are involved.

A Pretty Boy will have trouble with women because it takes a while for women to get comfortable around them.   For that reason Pretty Boys tend to be monogamous.   They tend to either get with an equally beautiful woman or the more average woman that had a chance to click with the personality of a Pretty Boy.

It’s because of the problems that the Pretty Boys face that the men who legitimately have high sex counts tend not to be drop dead good looking.   An honest look at the men who get a lot of sex the most common denominator is a better than average body build.   These men, the Goodbars, will be considered handsome but it’s not a raw bone structure type of handsome. I thought so at first and said as much in my first book.   One thing about me though is that I will change my stance on something when presented with a better perspective.   I wrote Nice Guys and Players, back in the late nineties. Since that time I have met and interacted with several high sex count men.   These men would be considered above average handsome but their looks were more the result of a conscious cultivation as opposed to winning the genetic lottery.   The Goodbars made themselves more handsome.   Still, it was the type of handsome that women felt comfortable with.   Let me share some wisdom I wrote about in Nice Guys and Players.

In Nice Guys and Players, I mentioned I learned a lot from a buddy I called Jim.   I never forget what Jim told me about why beautiful women would always like me. He said, “Rom, beautiful women will always like you because you don’t look better than they do.”   That was some powerful wisdom and the reason I never considered myself any more than decent looking.   Beautiful women loved my ass to death. I’ve had homely women who would try to play me while model pretty and stripper sexy women would blow up my phone.   Why knock what worked?   The key with me though was that beautiful women were comfortable enough around me not to be intimidated.

            One may wonder why I’m talking about Pretty Boys. It’s not really about the Pretty Boys. The issue is more about men who feel like their genetics work against them.   Many men who know that looks matter feel like they are not handsome enough or tall enough to attract beautiful women. Something that is not talked about enough publically is that there is a growing industry for male beauty products and also plastic surgery. I’m not going to knock it but I will say this.   Every single man is a Mr. Goodbar to some woman.   The facial features that some women may consider ugly on one man are considered beautiful by other women.   I’ve met some very beautiful women who stated a preference for men under 6 feet tall.   I’ve seen them with the men and I can tell when a woman is really feeling a man.   Even with body builds all women don’t want a muscular man. It’s not a case of them settling.   Some women prefer slim men.   A few like fat men. Many, many women like a man who is somewhere between muscular and fat.   Women will say, “Damn he thick!” I know a very beautiful woman who’s so sexy that I’ve seen her put men into trances. One dude made up a poem about her on the spot.   She would only mess with men she called ugly.   She popped out three kids for her ugly husband.

            Now someone may say this invalidates the notion that looks matter. Not at all.   A woman SEES that a man is short, slim, thick, decent looking or ugly. She is still making a determination based on LOOKS.

            For the men reading this work on what you have.   Don’t worry about the Pretty Boys as they got their own issues.

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1 Comment

Stand With Me

4/5/2015

5 Comments

            For the most part my blogs are directed at a broad audience.   I have readers from all over the world. They are men and women, all races and nationalities.   So I write in very broad terms when I discuss relationship issues.   This particular blog will be different in that it is directed at Black men.   It is nothing against any other gender, race, or nationality. I need to speak on something that is particular to Black men.

            My last blog, was entitled “Do Right Men Win in the End.”   It spoke to a particular class of Nice Guys who are just really good individuals.   Men who may not have movie star looks or six figure incomes.   Men who are not into playing games in order to get into relationships.   My contention was that these men win in the end in that they end up with positive relationships.   The blog was shared on social media by some faithful readers.   The response was very positive. Even the criticism was very constructive and gave me some things to consider.   Many Black men saw themselves in the blog and contacted me privately to share their viewpoints and most importantly their stories.

            I have heard you.

            I understand your pain.   In the media we always see images of Black men either behaving badly and in other demeaning ways.   The only real exception are shows dealing with sports.   Even on the internet a video of a Black man acting stupid is likely to go viral and get thousands of likes and comments. Yet stories of private schools sending 100% of their Black boys to college barely register on the radar. How often do we see that?   We always see stories or status updates where women, our beautiful sistas, are constantly saying “Black men ain’t shit” or “Where are the good Black men?”   Those are some of the nicer comments.   Many Black men have said, “I’m right here and I’m doing something with my life.”   Many Black men, many Do Right Black Men, are walking through life feeling invisible.   So why are they feeling invisible?   Let's get raw as to the reasons why.

            Many of these brothas aren’t looking like Idris Elba or Boris Kudjoe or whoever the flavor of the day is.   These brothas are not pushing late model luxury cars with six figure salaries.   In the Black community the pretty boys and money men are the alpha males. It has nothing to do with character, integrity or responsibility.   That’s why a man who has 34 children by several woman can get a reality show on a network owned by a Black woman.   A man who was irresponsible can be economically empowered and a Do Right Man who believes in marriage before having children can’t get a fucking “Attaboy!”   Worse that brotha may be called corny or lame for not having any children.

            That whole being corny or lame is something else Do Right Men have to deal with.   I knew a man who was educated, a professional, tall, muscular, and handsome.   He was an overall good person. Yet his wife separated from him because she considered him “corny and lame.”   I guess the gold tooth married man she fell in love with who cursed her out regularly was “cool.”   Many Black men feel they have to have tattoos and a thug persona in order to attract Black women.   Even though I have gone on record to say that Black women don’t all chase thugs it happens enough for the average man on the street to draw this conclusion.   The bottom line is that the Do Right Man is not feeling the love.   That’s where Brazil comes in.

            There’s been a big deal made about Black men who travel to places like Brazil and the Dominican Republic on sex vacations.   Something that is not being said is all the men going to these places are not always dealing with sex workers.   There are many Black men who marry women from these other countries.    Even though many American Black women may not see it this way the women in Brazil are still Black and quite frankly many practice cultural and spiritual traditions that go back to the African continent.   I’ve talked with several men who have traveled to Brazil and the like.   They are not going for sex.   Let me say that again. These Black men are not traveling to Brazil for sex.   They are traveling for validation.   They are traveling to be acknowledged.   They are traveling so that for at least a few days they are not invisible.   Just like women need attention so do men.   I’ve known men regardless of race who may frequent particular restaurants because they know the waitresses will at least smile and be nice to them.   Many men suffer depression because women don’t see them.

            There’s many things I could say.   Thing is there are numerous blogs, websites, and social media pages that talk about these issues and more.   Other than a few paragraphs in the context of this blog I really don’t care to add to the complaints.   As a result of my life experience I see things from a different perspective.   In my life on the surface I’m quite sure I seemed like the classic Do Right Man but I really wasn’t.   No I didn’t have tattoos and I didn’t look like the popular image of a player.   Indeed many women I dated said I had that “Clark Kent” thing going on as I used to wear big glasses.   Behind closed doors I was tapping that ass.    Many of the woman I dealt with had boyfriends.   A couple were separated from their husbands.   I was the villain in some stories.   That’s why I roll my eyes when women complain about cheating.   Women are way better at it. Ask me how I know.

            The thing is if I see a problem I do something about it.   There’s a problem in Black male/ female relationships.   Every few years a major television network will do a special on the problems.   It’s become a multi-million dollar industry.   It will probably grow into a billion dollar industry.   The “experts” are not going to solve anything even if they have legitimate answers.   There’s too much money to be made.   For example there are many Black male relationship commentators who make their money telling Black women what they want to hear.   These men aren’t going to jeopardize their book deals and TV shows to be honest with Black women.   Indeed the industry is about telling people what they want to hear.   If there’s going to be a change it needs to come from the grassroots.   This is where the Do Right Men come in.

            Anyone who has followed my blog for a long time know that I study the social dynamics of different subcultures.   The problem in Black male/female relationships is really a problem with the subcultural matrix.   Black America as a whole exists as a subculture within the larger White American mainstream culture.   There are many dynamics that occur in Black relationships that do not exist in the mainstream culture.   A great example of this is that a Black person’s skin complexion and grade of hair affects their placement within the sexual hierarchy.   I talk a lot about men in the Mr. Goodbar category.   Most Black Mr. Goodbars are lighter in skin complexion with a grade of hair which suggests a mixed ancestry.   Colorism and hair politics play a role in Black relationships.    There are other examples as well. The bottom line is that it all comes down to culture.   To me the obvious thing to do is to fix the culture, particularly the relationship culture.

            In mainstream relationships in general and in the Black community in particular women place men into two categories for dating and relationships, Select and Non-Select.   I’ve said this several times in my blogs.   In a nutshell the Select men get the panties and the Non-Select don’t.   The Do Right Men spend most of their time in the Non-Select category unless they build their finances and move into the Select.    The Do Right Men however are close to that borderline between Select and Non-Select.   They tend to get attention as women get older and get tired of being dogged by Select men.   Women get tired of dealing with mostly irresponsible pretty boys who have no intentions of committing. Many women just use pretty boys for sex anyway.   Women then move on to the Money Men. Women find out the hard way that Money Men are very hard on women.   A Pretty Boy may deal with a plain looking woman who is slightly overweight, especially if he needs a place to stay and she is extremely receptive. The Money Man, however, only wants to deal with a Black Barbie. Most Black women, indeed most women period, don’t look like Barbie.   Most Black women will not be able to be in a committed relationship with a Select Brotha.   Yet many want a committed relationship.   Do Right Men all of sudden start looking real good.

            The first thing the Do Right Men have to realize is that the whole select/non-select thing is fluid.   A woman’s select group at 20 will change by the time she is 30 and change even more by the time she is 40.   Many men who are non-select at 20 start looking real good at forty.   If one thinks about it most male sex symbols in the entertainment industry are in their forties, fifties and even sixties.    Women tend to become unattractive as they age while men become more attractive. So the first thing is that men have to have the mindset that no matter where they are currently at, the odds are ever in their favor to improve their station.

            So knowing that things will get better the Do Right Men have to accept that they have the power.   A foundation of my books and blogs is that women choose the men.   That doesn’t mean men have to accept the choice.   A woman choosing a man doesn’t mean he has to choose her back.   He has the power.   Black women use many shaming tactics to get men to accept them regardless of physical appearance, prior children, and emotional baggage.   Whatever.   Stand your ground Do Right Men.   If a woman has to use a shaming tactic to get you to like her she ain’t worth shit.   A woman who is about something doesn’t have to shame men into wanting her.   A man will want her, weight issues and kids.   The women with the shaming tactics, let them burn.

            The Do Right Man is the key to this whole system.   For a very long time I thought Mr. Goodbar was the key to changing this culture but experience and insight has caused me to change that viewpoint.   Mr. Goodbar is getting too much easy pussy to change anything.    That’s like asking a Lion to ignore a herd of antelopes.   The Do Right Man is the key because he’s the one who maintains some type of order.   A pretty boy may physically satisfy a woman for 20 minutes.   The Money Man may be able to take the woman on weekend getaway.   When it gets down the business of life and long term quality of living, that’s the Do Right Man’s domain.   The Do Right Man has to understand that he is the fallback and reject that position.    Women want to have their fun and then get a Do Right Man.   Screw that. Don’t accept being the clean-up man.

            One thing many Do Right Men can do is start validating the Do Right Women.   In the Black community for all the talk of Black women being overweight and baby mamas, there are many women who go against these stereotypes.   There many single Black women who are at least decent looking, in good shape and don’t have children. Some might have children and still have a lot going on. All women don’t have children with trifling men.   Couples break up, that’s life. Many Black women don’t want a pretty boy and are not impressed by a man’s money.   I’ve met many single sistas who want to build with a positive Black man.   Start validating the positive sisters and stop paying so much attention to the thots and ratchets.   So many Black men have blogs, websites, and social media pages where thots and ratchets are put on blast. Too much time is given to women who quite frankly like the attention.    There are many women out there who are attractive and positive. I know because that’s what I focus on.   I could probably get at least 100 such women in a room with little effort.   The Do Right Man has to focus on these women.

            It’s time for a change.   It’s time for the Do Right Men to come together to change this relationship culture.   To the Do Right Man reading these words. Stand with me.   Let’s change this thing.   I want a world where my sons can be free to be their authentic selves without having to conform to a woman’s twisted version of masculinity.   I can’t do it by myself.   Stand with me.   I know the way.   Hit me up here and let’s rise and transform together.

5 Comments

What about the Responsible Men?

10/5/2014

1 Comment

            So I watched Iyanla Vanzant’s “Fix My Life” on DVR early this morning. I’m an early riser and I wanted to get it in before my sons got up and hijacked the remote.   The show featured the man that has social media abuzz, Jay Williams.   For those living under a rock or just don’t care, Jay Williams is a man who fathered 34 kids with 17 women.   Iyanla did a whole series of shows on him.   Somewhere I guarantee there’s at least one producer thinking about doing a reality show about this man but I digress.   Anyway the show featured not only Mr. Williams but several other men who had fathered multiple children by multiple women.

            I had mixed feelings about the show.   I was getting hot at first because it seemed like everything was being put on the men.   See I have a problem when women complain about deadbeat men who have children with multiple women.   Indeed some will have a child with a man, know he isn’t taking care of his other children, and then have two more kids with him.   Then other women will come along, know the man has multiple kids, maybe even know the baby mamas, and STILL have a child with the man.    My issue was that women don’t take responsibility for their own actions.

            To Iyanla’s credit she later put some responsibility on the women as well.   There was a point where one of the men was confronting his mother about how she emotionally abused him as a child and how that contributed to his behavior.   It was good to see that because in looking at these issues we have to look at the entire picture.   Virtually every womanizer I have known in my life had either a jacked up relationship with his mother OR a vicious rejection by some woman when he was young.   Too much is put on the men when it’s really a vicious cycle and the only way to break the cycle is to stop pointing fingers at each other and work together for a better future.

            Talking about men creating children with multiple women isn’t the focus of this particular blog though. When I look at any issue I look it at from several angles.   I used to work as a criminal investigator and then briefly as an editor for a political website where I did a little investigative journalism.   Academically I’m very well trained in doing research.   One of the things as a true to the game investigator/researcher is that I see what is on the surface but also what is hidden.   To use a principle from The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi, “Perceive those things which cannot be seen.”

            What I saw on the show was a bunch of Mr. Goodbars and a bunch of women who wanted these men to be good fathers.   An issue with that is the ability to be a good father might not have been in the psychological makeup of these men to begin with.    Too many women think having a man’s child will all of sudden make him grow up.   As many women find out after many tears and counseling later is these men really have little to no incentive to do better.   Iyanla, bless her, might be able to talk to a few men on her show and they MAY change their lives but there are thousands of men out there with the same issues who quite frankly will keep doing their part to insure their genetic lineage.

            Let me address the elephant in the room that no one seems to want to talk about in ANY of these relationship discussions ESPECIALLY those that occur in the context of Black male/female relationships.   Let’s be honest, though race wasn’t brought up in the discussion I only SAW Black men on the stage.   The issue no one wants to talk about is how come these people who are getting upset at these genetic alpha males are not asking one basic question:   Why not simply have children with the men who WILL be responsible parents?

            Stop and think about that.

            In my coaching practice and in life in general I have encountered hundreds of men, specifically Black men, who are responsible, hardworking, and WANT to have a family. Men who WANT to have children and be there for them.   Some of these men will even step in to help raise the children of many of these deadbeat sperm donors if given the chance.   Women are passing over these men every day in their mad rush to spread their legs for Mr. Goodbar.   Then when these women are stuck with the responsibility of actually raising a child on their own they blame Mr. Goodbar for not being a responsible parent.

            Let me share a reality that people may or may not see.   If they do see it they don’t talk about it.   All people have a dual sexual nature.   There is the obvious carnal sexual nature which is pure lust.   It’s the drive to connect with someone because of their physical attributes.   It’s the woman being attracted to a man because of his height, body build, square jaw, and yes dick size.   It’s the man being attracted to a woman’s big breasts and phat ass.   The carnal drive doesn’t care about a person’s character, profession, social class, political leanings, or religious beliefs.   This is pure attraction.   There is a second sexual drive that’s based more on mental and emotional compatibility.   This drive is more influenced by social factors such as culture, and personal beliefs.

            The average man will look for a woman that satisfies both of his sex drives.   He will openly look for a woman that turns him on physically but one that also fits his social criteria.   Women, on the other hand don’t have the same freedom.   They are encouraged to find men who fit their social criteria but western culture as it is now tries to suppress a woman’s carnal desires.   Women will still go for what they want physically but not in the same way as men.    This is where the problem comes in.

            A woman will meet Mr. Goodbar.   She’s turned on sexually. Her vagina is buzzing.   Mr. Goodbar is making the woman smile and feel good.   He’s fun to be with.   Mr. Goodbar probably doesn’t match her social criteria but that’s okay as long as the orgasms keep coming.   So the woman is having her good time but three things generally happen.   One, a woman will recognize the temporary nature of the relationship with Goodbar and simply move on to something more serious.   These are the more sensible women.   Two, the woman will marry the Goodbar and then realize that socially they are incompatible.   Three, they will have a baby and the reality that Goodbar is a deadbeat will become apparent.   The last two things is where the problems come up.

            Many women have a delusion that this man who they are having sex with because he is so fine, and so much fun, will all of a sudden become responsible with marriage or a baby.   Most of the time it will not happen.   Too many women make decisions based on the romantic tales playing out in their minds.   They knew Mr. Goodbar was a reckless pretty boy with a big dick when they got with him. That was part of his appeal.   Now it’s time to get serious and that fine man-child with the nice stroke isn’t following the script.   Then the women go on a national TV show and try to shame and cajole the man-child into growing up and being a responsible man. I call bullshit on all that.

            If a woman really wanted a responsible man she should mate with that type of man to begin with.   The responsible men already have the skillset to be good husbands, providers, and parents.   There are millions of men and let’s be specific, Black men, who are responsible, hardworking, and family orientated.   The women are getting outraged over a FEW men who have multiple children by multiple women. What about the responsible ones?   To me the bigger issue, especially in the Black community, should be why are so many responsible Black men are single AND childless?   I would love to see somebody’s national show deal with this issue.   I already know what the real deal is though.   Another one of those big-ass elephants in the room.

            When I was watching Iyanla this morning, and saw the fathers my first thought was, “oh a Goodbar convention.”   Other than when I was working a gym where a bunch of male strippers used to work out, it’s rare I see that many Mr. Goodbars in the same place.   Somebody has to say it.   The only reason that a man is going to be able have multiple children by multiple women is because he is able to appeal to the carnal nature of these women.   In most cases he is PHYSICALLY appealing to these women.   Objectively speaking, the men on stage were physically attractive to multiple women.

            See I’ve had conversations with literally thousands of women about their preferences in men.   Publically women will talk about the social criteria they want in men which typically responsible men fulfill.   Now the responsible men are barely getting attention.   The reason is that in the eyes of many women these men are not physically attractive.   Now I’ve gone on record as saying a man with sex appeal can trump a man with good looks.   The thing is that only a very tiny percentage of men have that type of ethereal sex appeal.   The sex appeal of most men is based on their physical appearance be it handsome face, height, or muscular body. They have to at least look good to a particular woman.

            This is the conversation we need to really have.   Too many women want that good-looking man whose smile they want for their sons to be a responsible parent.   It might not happen.   The women then run to the men who are not as attractive to raise their pretty children and many men are RIGHTFULLY not trying to sign up for that.   Now some women may feel like they only want to deal with Mr. Goodbar. Okay.   Just don’t get mad because sixteen other women want to have a baby with with the same man.

            If we really want to solve the relationship issues, especially in the Black community, we HAVE to address the issue of the large number of single responsible men.

            That dialogue is long overdue.

1 Comment

September 21st, 2014

9/21/2014

2 Comments

The Reality About Thug Love

6/20/2014

0 Comments

           Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, or all of your numerous devices have been broken you have seen the mug shot of Jeremy Meeks.   Not only has this picture gone viral but it has become another chapter in the age old debate about whether women like bad boys.   I mean this has polarized people. You have women setting up social media pages for this dude they never met. Men are hating like a champ.   I can’t recall the last I’ve seen anything that provoked this strong a reaction out of people.   So you know I had to put my $59.99 into it.   I think bigger than 2 cents.

            Anyone who has read my books or simply my blog knows I put a lot into physical attraction. To say that Mr. Meeks has validated my viewpoints is an understatement. Let’s be real about it, people are not talking about the man because he committed a major crime or act of terrorism.   People are talking about him because he took a mug shot that women find attractive. That’s it.   I could see if he won America’s Top Model through a national vote.   Naw he just took a regular picture.   Bad picture really because mug shots aren’t supposed to be flattering.   If a person is taking a mug shot it means they made some unfortunate choices in life.

            Let’s be clear on something. Women are not going crazy over Mr. Meeks because he’s a thug. Many want to frame it that way but if that is the case how come the pictures of the three men arrested and charged with him haven’t had their mug shots go viral?

            Stop and think about it.

            Mr. Meeks is now famous and will probably get money out of this because women found him very attractive. That’s it, ballgame.   It really had nothing to do with him being a thug.   Look at this photo shopped picture.

         If Mr. Meeks was a regular model his picture would still make the rounds on social media through one of the numerous pages which cater to women who like to look at attractive men.   Maybe not to this extent but his face would still be well-known.   This phenomenon proves something that I have always said: Women really don’t check for thugs. Women check for good looking men who may HAPPEN to be thugs.

            I have said for years that the Thug Love thing is overrated and misunderstood.   The problem is that women are not completely honest about what they really want in a man and it’s impossible for a heterosexual man to see what a woman sees in a particular man.   The simple reason being that men don’t have a vagina.   The average man can’t judge what a woman sees or more importantly feels with another man.   I’ve heard men say, “Well I look better than him. I’m more handsome.” His buddies may even agree with him after they say, “no homo.”   They are looking from a heterosexual man’s point of view though which will tend to be more objective.   The woman is seeing something totally different.   Over the years I have had women confide in me about some man they were lusting after.   Different women of course will say different things but there was ALWAYS one common theme: they all said that the men they desired were PHYSICALLY attractive. Typically they considered the men to above average in looks as they would use words like gorgeous, dreamy, and beautiful.   The men these women were lusting after ranged from common street thugs to white collar professionals.

            In my blogs I’ve talked about how I grew up in the underclass so I definitely saw some thugs getting women.   I also have college and post-graduate degrees.   The pretty boys with degrees got more women because they not only had the looks but they had the status and money as well.   At the same time I’ve known some thugs who got less play than a church boy.   I’ve known plenty of professionals who have to travel out of the country to get sex or even attention from women. The thing that separates the select men, the men who get women, from the non-select, men who don’t get women, is physical appearance.   Forget everything else you’ve heard. This is the real deal.

            The thing most men don’t get and that women don’t admit to publically is that they are just like men when it comes to evaluating the sexual desirability of the opposite sex.   I would argue that they are worse.   A man will have sex with a physically unattractive woman if she makes herself available to him.   Many women however, will choose celibacy rather than have sex with a man they consider physically unattractive.   This is the case regardless of the man’s money, status, or game.   Some women may have pity sex with an unattractive man if they are horny enough and the man has spent enough money and time with them.   For the most part the unattractive man will be friend zoned.

            I hate I had to be the one to tell you.

            Now someone may say Rom why are you saying all of this? Aren’t you concerned that some men may lose hope? No. Contrary to popular belief anybody can improve their looks through diet, exercise, and attitude. Women know it’s about looks, so there are whole industries designed to help women improve their appearance.   Men need to realize that they need to do the same thing. The irony is that men still have it easier.   A man doesn’t have to be drop-dead handsome to attract a woman. A man really just needs good grooming, a decent body build and a likeable personality to at least attract a girlfriend.   Every man is a Mr. Goodbar to somebody.

            I don’t want to make this too long.   Men need to stop worrying about women chasing thugs and work on themselves.   If a woman wants to be with a thug more power to her.   A man needs to be concerned about the women checking for him. While he’s looking at the thug chaser, three equally attractive women are wondering why he doesn’t notice them.   Build yourself and the women will come.

            Drops mic!

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Why I Don't Teach Game Part 2: Demon Lovers

6/16/2014

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            Most people who want to learn that thing called “game” are motivated by desires for sex and love.   They realize that they are not the most physically attractive person so they want to learn any method they can to improve their sexual value. I get that. Whole industries have developed to help them with that.   For men an example is the seduction industry with books, videos, and seminars.   Quite as its kept women have their own things as well. Most women’s magazines have articles on methods to deal with men. Also you have the cosmetics industry to make a woman look more beautiful than she actually is as well as intimate apparel to make their bodies look tighter.   Also high heel shoes serve no real functional purpose yet women wear them to make their legs and butt look more sexually appealing.   Now that’s game.   Most of the men who attend seminars and the women who shop at lingerie stores are essentially good people who really want love.   In general they don’t have negative intentions towards the opposite sex.    That’s not the case with Demon Lovers.

            There are men and women in our society who are…different from everyone else. Their thinking and outlooks on life are different.   These…people are predators plain and simple.   They are like serial killers in a way. Instead of killing people they kill a person’s spirit. They do so through sexual relationships.   They are the Demon Lovers.   The vampire myths probably arose from people dealing with these entities in ancient cultures.    In his book, The Natural Blueprint for Relationships (Natural Blueprint) Yao Nyamekye Morris devotes a whole chapter to Demon Lovers. He refers to them as “fiends of the sexual underworld.”   He had this to say:

             The fiends of the sexual underworld do not necessarily look like the demons we see in comic books. It is just the opposite. Most often, they are men and women who are above average in the looks department. Many of them look trustworthy and innocent on the surface. They have one thing in common. He or she is skilled at saying the things you want to hear. They may not have a degree in psychology but they are very perceptive in sizing someone up. They have trouble relating to the opposite sex in normal ways, so they compensate by exploiting weaknesses and unfulfilled desires. The men know that most men are not as romantic and sensitive as the typical woman would like. So they learn how to be better at that than the average male. They listen for clues and act on them. These men are very willing to take risks and do what is socially unacceptable if it will please a woman because they have nothing to lose. They are not emotionally invested in the outcome of the relationship. They don’t care about you or what you think about them. But they make you think they care very much.

             The female demon lovers know that most black men do not feel appreciated and respected by the black woman. And the first thing they do is show him how much they respect and appreciate what he is about. They normally dress in a provocative manner and make it clear that fulfilling the man’s sexual desires is a high priority for them. They listen for clues about what the man likes and then are quick to act on them. Those women are very willing to take risks and do what is socially unacceptable if it will please her man. They are not emotionally invested in the outcome of the relationship. They don’t care about you or what you think about them. But they make you think they care very much.

              The Natural Blueprint for Relationships P. 251.

*************

               Even though Natural Blueprint was written for an African American audience, the part about Demon Lovers can be applied to any race or culture.   I’ve met a few white Demon Lovers.

               So what does this have to do with game and why I don’t teach it? For one thing Demon Lovers are the top of the pyramid as far as “game.” You’re talking the ultimate manipulators. Even Pimps have nothing on Demon Lovers. What dating coaches and seduction gurus teach is a pathetic joke next to what a Demon Lover can do.   You’re talking about people that will consciously destroy a person’s life for no other reason than their own amusement.   There are the men playing mind games with women for no other reason than to pass the time.   You have women are stealing another woman’s loving husband for no other reason than that she can.   Those are the “nicer” Demon Lovers.   Some Demon Lovers are literally weapons of mass destruction. I’m not exaggerating.

               Every now and then there is a story in the media about a person intentionally infecting a large number of people with a sexually transmitted disease such as HIV.   Think about it, a single man or woman has unprotected sex with several hundred people and infects them with HIV.   Those men and women go out and get into relationships or have sexual encounters, thus spreading HIV to several thousand more people.   Many will die or at the very least get very sick and may get financially ruined paying medical expenses.   That’s a weapon of war right there.   A single Demon Lover can literally destroy whole communities.

              Stop and think about it.

              Now what is my connection to Demon Lovers? Remember in part 1 of this blog series I said I spent a part of my childhood in a dysfunctional environment. It wasn’t just my home but pretty much a mile radius around my house. There were folks around there who made the characters on The Wire look like the law-abiding citizens.   My mother’s “friends” were one thing. My own were another.   So I’m hanging around other kids my age and to say they were “interesting” is an understatement. There was one friend I’ll call Zeke. Zeke had the pretty boy thing going as well as being a true thug.   The little girls loved him enough to engage in an eight year-old’s approximation of sex.   Zeke kept me on my toes because he would manipulate anyone around him without remorse.   He was fairly sociopathic. Last I heard about Zeke he was serving time for premeditated murder. Another kid I’ll call Bo used to suck older boy’s dicks but chased little girls as well. Bo had a big crush on my sister.   He probably grew up to be a DL brotha.   Another kid I’ll call Dan was just nasty. Every conversation with him involved sex.   He probably grew up to be pimp or a porn actor.   As far as myself, I’ll put it like this, my street name was “Romeo.”   At my house, some of my mother’s WOMAN friends did things like walk around in their underwear and at least one always wanted to “hug” me. That’s all I care to say about that.   My point is that looking back I was exposed to Demon Lovers at a very young age.

          I also took on many of their traits.

          When people used to ask me to teach them how to be a dog they didn’t do so because I was some smooth player who brought a smile to woman’s faces and could be a fun date.   I was a straight up dog.   Love them and leave them wasn’t a tactic for me. It was just how I rolled.   It didn’t bother my conscience at all because MOST of these women had boyfriends or at least good guys who were interested in them.   I wasn’t going to get emotionally invested in a woman cheating on a man who obviously loved her.   If the woman got her heart broken because I didn’t return her phone call so be it. She had a man, cry on his shoulders.   Quite frankly I roll my eyes when women complain about men cheating.   Women do it more and are way better at it. See a woman will cheat within the rhythm of her daily activities.   There’s a certain period of time when her man thinks she’s doing one thing when she may be with someone in a hotel room.    A woman can send her man off to work, invite her 16 year-old neighbor over to the house, suck the young boy’s dick, and then have her husband’s dinner on the table when he gets home. She may even have sex with her husband that night.   The man is oblivious to his wife’s cheating because she’s submissive, she cooks, and gives him regular sex.   He thinks he’s running things.   Yeah right.

           As far as myself I was like Blade. I had all the Demon Lover powers but none of their weaknesses. I wasn’t the villain of the story. More like the morally ambiguous anti-hero of the story.   Another unique aspect of my childhood was that I used to read the Bible a lot. Could have been a child preacher. My mother before her nervous breakdown used to open our home to some of the local kids to teach them the Bible. That’s how I made some of my first friends.   My mother’s spiritual nature was unique in itself. She read the Bible but she also read New Thought material such as Norman Vincent Peale and Rev. Ike.   Many things people are talking about now she was talking about then.   She even got money for praying for people.   My home environment was sexualized and spiritual at the same time.   Plus if someone actually reads the Bible there were some players up in there.   King David set up his boy to get killed just to get at his wife. King Solomon (whom my mother compared me to) had 700 wives. Shoot, getting with multiple women was sanctioned by God as far as I was concerned. I say all that to say I had some type of moral compass to keep from going totally to the dark side.   Don’t get it twisted though there were times that had nothing to do with women where I did cross the line.   Y’all might not hear those stories.

          Now the average Demon Lover grew up in an environment where there wasn’t any type of moral compass.   See, religion is more than just a way to worship a person’s vision of God.   In this culture religion is a behavior control system.   Specifically most religions serve to control a person’s sexual nature.   If you pay attention to very religious people, particularly women in Protestant churches, you will notice that they typically dress in a way which deflects attention away from their bodies. When a man looks at them his first thought isn’t going to be, “I want to bang her.”   Her clothing and body language will not arouse him even if she is otherwise beautiful with a voluptuous body.   If the same woman was wearing a short dress and heels he would likely get a massive hard-on.   Now you raise a child in a non-religious environment with few other restrictions, they will not do anything to limit their natural sex appeal. Indeed they will dress in a way to magnify their body. Girls from dysfunctional homes typically dress in sexually provocative clothing even in instances where more conservative clothing would be appropriate.

          So you have a child in a dysfunctional environment who isn’t taught to suppress their sexual nature.   Let’s add some more ingredients to this mix.   You have a kid who has very good physical genetics.   The boys will grow up to have a tall muscular body while the girls will grow up to have a shapely body with optimal contrasts between the breasts, waist, and hips.   Add to this above average facial features.   On these factors alone the kids will grow to attract multiple mates.   There’s still more to add to the mix.   A Demon Lover has above average, even genius level social intelligence. Most IQ tests only test a person’s linguistic and mathematic ability.   It’s hard to test a person’s social genius or street smarts.   Indeed if there were such a test the Demon Lover would purposely underperform on it. Demon Lovers really aren’t normal. Yet they will make an effort to appear normal.   Looking normal is how Demon Lovers get over.

        When people think of players, there’s an image of men in flashy clothes, with tattoos and loud talking being the center of attention. With women it’s the image of someone wearing sexually provocative clothing. Demon Lovers are smart enough to look clean cut and innocent.   A male Demon Lover is likely to look like he is a church going nerd if it works for him. A female Demon Lover may look like a “goody goody girl” if it works for her.   I had an acquaintance who was bragging about his new girlfriend.   She was just perfect for him in his eyes. I met her and I knew something was up. She was very beautiful and very innocent looking. I caught something in her eyes though for a brief second.   I started to take the acquaintance to the side but he was so enamored with her he wouldn’t have received what I said. A few months I saw him again and found she stole money and personal items from him. Nothing is safe with a Demon Lover. Many a bank account has been emptied behind one.

         One thing sometimes people will see a Demon Lover in action and not know what they’re seeing. Men will see a bunch of women hovering around a Demon Lover and foolishly try to emulate what they see.   They think they can be a jerk and insult a woman and she will sleep with him.   Really it’s not the behavior itself that’s turning on a woman.   The woman is tolerating the behavior because the man is fulfilling some other need the woman has. One major need is sex. Women want to sleep with a sexy man period.   Also the Demon Lover picked up on the psychological need which he at least pretends to fill.   Notice I said pretends.   The Demon Lover exploits the needs for his own ends, which could be money or simply a place to stay. He might just want some ass and nothing else.   He might want the challenge of turning out a church girl.   A female Demon Lover may want to change her living situation.   A sexy woman can change her social class and financial situation by simply pussy whipping a rich man.   Many men can make money but lack common sense.   A female Demon Lover will stroke his dick and his ego and all of sudden she has a nice home and money.

          This is serious stuff. Many men out here want to learn game because they think with game they can go from a man who doesn’t get the time of day to becoming a player. Seriously if a man isn’t getting attention from women he has bigger problems he needs to deal with. Learning some dubious techniques won’t help him. The knowledge I have is dangerous.   Say hypothetically I give the knowledge to a bitter man.   That man isn’t going to go out and get into a functional relationship.   He’s not going to be loving towards women.   He’s going out for revenge. He’s going to take out all those years of frustration on some women who did nothing to him.   Many women now are catching hell now from men who didn’t get sex regularly when they were young.   Let me share something with you. All Demon Lovers don’t come from dysfunctional backgrounds.   There are a few men and women who develop the traits later in life. Let me use an example.

            You have a man named Fred.   Fred grew up in a home with both parents in a middle class neighborhood. Now Fred is slim and nerdy. He was never the type who went to parties or played sports. The girls in high school and college weren’t checking for him.   He gets a good career out of college and gradually makes enough money to get a house and late model car.   He has everything except the girl. So he starts checking out seduction material.   He improves a little bit because he is given rudimentary game. He’s instructed to approach several women a day and he has brief sexual encounters with a few women who are quite frankly unattractive and easy.   Fred is still frustrated until he runs into Dexter Goodbar and his cousins, Jimmy Cool and Damon Lover. He sees them in action at a club and offers them money to teach him. Dexter and Jimmy decline. Damon though agrees to teach him.   Damon blows Fred’s mind. Damon tells him some things that he can’t hear in a seduction seminar or find on the internet. Over the period of a year Fred is transformed but not in a good way.   Fred is able to get better women but because he learned from a Demon Lover he starts dogging them. See the thing that Fred didn’t deal with was his bitterness.   Fred made it his mission in life to dog as many women as possible because of numerous past rejections. Fred the Nice Guy closed his eyes, Fred the Demon Lover opened them.

          There’s too many Fred’s out there.   Too many men who allowed their spirits to be consumed by bitterness. When many men asked me to teach them how to be dogs they didn’t have good intentions.   These men would have been dangerous to women and I couldn’t be responsible for any damage caused. Now this is not to say that I won’t give insights. I mentioned “Roger” in the “Do The Work” blog.   I tell him whatever he wants to know. Why? He has a genuine love for women.   A love he likes to share with several women at the same time but still a love.   I’ll never put what I know in a book.   The knowledge I give in my books will increase the number of women a man can attract.   It requires work though in such a way that will enable a man to deal with his bitterness and other issues preventing him from attracting women.   Until a man deals with his personal demons he can’t be allowed access to the deeper knowledge.

          I’m going to do a part 3 to this series.   I’m going to talk about how man can attract women without using game.

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Why I Don't Teach Game Part 1

6/14/2014

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            For years before I even thought about writing relationship books, men and surprisingly many women would say to me, “Rom teach me how to be a dog.”   I didn’t know whether to be flattered or insulted.   After the umpteenth person asked me for advice, I wrote a pamphlet for the ladies called, “Finding a Good Man.”   A couple of years later I wrote a pamphlet called “Nice Guys Guide: Meeting and Attracting Beautiful Women.” The Nice Guys Guide eventually evolved into Nice Guys and Players – Becoming the Man Women Want.   In Nice Guys and Players (NGAP) I gave advice to men on how to transform themselves into the type of man that women GENERALLY find attractive.   I didn’t tell a man how to become a player. A careful reading of NGAP will show that I actually discourage men from becoming players. I’m a big advocate of sexual discipline especially for men classified as Mr. Goodbars.   Specifically I don’t teach game.

            Now there have been numerous definitions of that thing called “game.” Everything from having basic common sense to straight up manipulation has been called “game.”   My definition of game is simply tactics a person uses in sexual seduction.   Seduction itself means to “lead astray.” In other words getting someone to do something they wouldn’t normally do.   I don’t even teach seduction to close friends. At best I may teach my sons some things if I see they have trouble with women. I doubt they will though because little girls been scheming on them since they could walk.   With my youngest before he could walk.   I fathered a couple of Pretty Rickys. I will definitely teach them about the pregnancy game girls run.   But I digress.

            Now I’m going to get a little personal in this blog. Part of it is therapeutic to deal with my own demons and part of it is that I want people to understand the importance of functional relationships. I want people to understand why I keep certain information to myself.   There are many books, magazine articles, dating coaches, and seduction gurus who teach what they call game.   99 percent of the information presented is rudimentary and from my perspective laughable.   People follow this advice and then wonder their relationships are still jacked up. Many people find that their relationships actually become worse.   That’s because many of the so-called experts have little practical insight into the human psyche even in cases where they have professional credentials.   Many of these professionals either have problems finding mates or have dysfunctional relationships.

            Now there are two basic reasons why I don’t teach game.   The first is that on many levels it would be a con job for me to do so.   As I mentioned people used to ask me to teach them how to be a dog.   Now I could write a book on how to be a dog.   I could do videos. I could rent out hotel ballrooms and charge several hundred dollars per head.   I could make a lot of money. It would all be some bullshit.   Say I did a seminar and 1000 men attended. Out of those 1000 men maybe 3 would get anything out of the seminar.   The only reason they would get something is that they were already there anyway. In other words I would only be confirming what they already knew anyway.   The men who get the most out of NGAP are the Pretty Boys, Street Cats, and Thorough Dudes. They get the most because I’m confirming what they already know. NGAP is written from a Goodbar’s perspective.   Nice Guys have been and are the harshest critics of the book. The few Nice Guys who learned from my book had some Goodbar in them that had to be brought to the surface.

            Another reason I say it would be a con job for me to teach game has to do with how I got women.   Most of it has to do with physical appearance.   There are many dating coaches who loudly proclaim that looks don’t matter. A few will say that looks matter but not as much as game.   Both camps are whack. Physical appearance is more than half the battle. Personally I would rate it as 60 - 75 percent of the equation.   That’s not a scientific statement, just a personal observation.   Now when people were asking me to teach them some things they did so because in their eyes I seemed to have an easy time attracting women.   Truth be told some women I’ve had sex with have asked me to teach them some things.   Thing is I didn’t tell them anything. The reason I got and still get the attention I do is because of my physical appearance.   I’m a 5’11”, 210 pound, buffed, chocolate Black man. I’ve always received compliments on my body. I have never been called fine. I’ve been called cute at best.   Women really like my eyes though. I get stares and hellos from random women, including teenaged girls when I’m out in public.

            As a result of my physical appearance I appealed to a wide variety of women from around the world.   For example I appeal to many women from West Africa and the Caribbean. I know a young lady from Nigeria who affectionately refers to me as “Ibo-Man” because to her I look like a member of the Ibo ethnic group.   I also appeal to Asian women mainly because of my eye shape which is almond. There’s a deeper science there which I may get into with another blog. See my grandmother was nicknamed “China Girl” when she was young and maybe a quarter of her descendants look Blasian (Black and Asian). My youngest son when his head is shaved can pass for a Tibetan child. A little known and unexplored aspect of African-American history is that when Chinese workers came to America in the 19th century to help build the railroads they were primarily men. In many cases these Chinese men married and had children with Black women. It is a phenomenon that’s happening in Africa right now. But once again I digress.

            Now there is also a class aspect to the physical appearance piece.   Not only did I use my genetic physical appearance to attract women but I enhanced it with the clothes I wore.   Now I’m an entrepreneur with a modest day job to keep basic bills paid.   Back in the day, I was a professional with two degrees. I looked and lived the part.   Plus I wore glasses on a more regular basis back then.    I was an educated Black man with nice eyes and buffed body.   As result I was able to cast a big net attracting not only educated African American women but upper middle class white women and a few middle class Latinas.   That’s why I call bullshit when Black men get on social media and complain about Black women chasing thugs. Some do but they tend to be crazy and lower class.   The African American women I attracted were primarily AKAs and Deltas, who wouldn’t give a thug the time of day. Based on nothing but physical appearance.

            For someone to attract the way I did, they would need to have my same physical package as well as the financial ability to enhance that package with stylish clothing as well as my educational background. Now someone can improve where they are. Quite frankly though the average man will never be able to attract a great number of women. At best most men will be fortunate to find that one special woman who finds them attractive and interesting enough to pursue a relationship.

            The physical piece is one thing. The second reason I don’t teach game is because game, no matter how someone tries to frame it, is nothing but psychological manipulation.   I’ve had some reviews of NGAP which called the information basic. I even had one idiot say to me, “I don’t think you know how to get girls.”   I just laughed and told him that if he really knew how to get girls better than me he wouldn’t have had to buy my book in the first place.   I could tell by the look on his face that I rocked his world with that comment.   Anyway I don’t teach psychological manipulation because of the circumstances of how I learned the game. In the past I have said that I learned the game from sex workers and street cats as a teenager and young adult.   I told some half-truths because I learned the game during a period of my life I don’t like talking about with close friends, women I’ve been intimate with, or even family members.

            From the age of six until I was ten I lived in the Anacostia section of Washington, DC. I lived with my mother and sister and our financial situation was unique.   Though we lived in a house owned by my Grandmother, we received welfare.   The situation was unique in that while my immediate family was poor, my extended family including my Grandmother were more upper middle class. My Grandmother owned several properties while my Grandaunt owned a beach home. My Uncle owned horses. As a 4 year old I had a pony named Hacksaw because he had extra-long hoofs that had to be cut.   On one hand I saw and lived the best of life. On the other hand I saw it at its worse.

            I was six or seven years old when my mother had a nervous breakdown.   She already had mental health issues and I have a memory of her being institutionalized briefly when I was two years old in California. My sister and I stayed in some type of group home while our mother was in the hospital. I specifically remember trying to look out for my sister because though she was older she was labeled mentally retarded.   Looking back she was likely autistic but this was during the sixties when autism awareness didn’t exist.   Imagine a two year old trying to look out for anybody other than himself. Yeah. Anyway when my mother had that nervous breakdown, my childhood effectively ended. From that time forward I had to think like adult.   To get a perspective on this check out this website.   Now I was a smart kid at that time, even considered gifted by some teachers.   At seven I was teaching myself Spanish and I read at a high school level. I was book smart but I had to become street smart.

            Life got interesting after my mother’s breakdown.    A mentally ill person living in the midst of an underclass population is a terrible combination.   Before her nervous breakdown my mother had fairly functional friends and associates. I emphasize the words “fairly functional” as most of her friends were other mental patients from a well-known mental institution in DC called St. Elizabeth’s which was near our home.   They were actually cool though eccentric.    They probably wouldn’t be institutionalized under today’s standards but would likely be members of some fringe subculture featured on a reality show. After my mother’s breakdown her associates were members of the criminal underclass.   These were the type of men and women who lived off of petty crimes and hustles.   And apparently they saw an easy mark in my mother because she pretty much opened the house to these individuals.   It got to the point that they came and went like they lived there. My mother would just sit at a table and laugh with her invisible friends.   Eventually it got to the point where the local Child Protective Agency had to remove me and my sister from the home.   We were placed in my Grandmother’s custody and were technically her foster children.

            Now what does this have to do with game?   First of all, I was living among the underclass. Underclass folk regardless of race tend to pay attention to everything especially people.   You have to pay attention to little things when you’re around people who could potentially harm you.     I witnessed a couple of stabbings.   There were some sexual predators around there I needed to know how to avoid.    An older man had grabbed me one time. Fortunately a kick to his balls took care of that. So I was developing a very good ability to read people.   I’ve mentioned reading people before in print but I wasn’t forthcoming in how I developed the ability. So on one aspect I learned how to see past a person’s masks.   Women have commented that I have piercing eyes.   Now you know why.

            Seeing a person’s emotional state is one thing. Manipulating it was another thing.   That education came from some of my mother’s “friends.”   My mother was very stunning despite her issues. In the late fifties before I was born she worked as a model at a local department store in DC.   Think about it, a Black woman who got paid to be a model in the late fifties. She actually had plans to open a modeling school.   So with her looks she had zero problems attracting men.   Unfortunately the men were lowlifes except for a couple before her breakdown. One I’ll call Ben lived with us for a few months.   He was pretty cool.   His other women caused some drama with my mother though and she kicked him out.   Then she dealt with this man I’ll call Carl. Imagine a heterosexual Omar Little from The Wire and you had Carl.   He would take me out with him sometimes and talk to me about life. Carl was a street soldier. He lived by a code. Learned a lot from him.   After Carl my mother only dealt with lowlifes who weren’t worth remembering.

            I really learned a lot about manipulation from my mother’s women friends.   Let me school the reader for a second. In my blogs I often mention “street cats.”   The assumption may be that I’m talking about men.   Most of the street cats I knew were women.   If you look at a Lion’s Pride, the male lion is lazy. He just eats, sleeps, and fucks. Every now then he might fight some hyenas. In a Lion’s Pride it’s the females that hunt for the food.   In human society many players and hustlers aren’t men.   There’s a whole lot of women who are getting money, cars, and even houses out of men.   These are the type of women who REALLY know how to manipulate people.   When it came to the women who crashed at the house they gave me deep insight into a woman’s nature.   One of the women was a butch lesbian who interestingly enough would get with men every now and then. I know because I walked in on her and a man having sex. The woman who I’ll call Sheryl used to just sit and talk with me sometimes.   Now I was cool with Sheryl.  She actually had a maternal spirit underneath her tough exterior. One of the lowlife men who came around looked at me and my sister a little too intently.   I told Sheryl, she looked at me and said, “I deal with it Rommy.”   I don’t know what she did but I do know the lowlife didn’t come around anymore. For that reason I never say or write anything negative about butch lesbians.

            Now don’t get it twisted, Sheryl and her friends were no strangers to the criminal justice system as I was informed when the police were removing us from the home.   They were predators, pure and simple.   These people preyed on weakness.   They knew how to push anyone’s buttons.   For whatever reason they gave me insights to do the same.   Now I could teach people to do the same but for what? To create even more dysfunction?   I’m working to create positive relationships.   I can make it easier for someone to get into a functional relationship. I will tell a person to work on their physical presentation.   I will tell them to work on parts of their personality to make them more emotionally compatible with someone. I won’t tell them how to game someone.

            The only thing I will do with regard to game is tell someone who I feel is receptive to my insight is how to avoid getting played. There was a lady I knew I’ll call Evelyn. Now Evelyn was married and very classy.   She had that Michelle Obama type of vibe.   I saw her at an event and we talked for a few minutes.   Just small talk between acquaintances.   Keep in mind I didn’t know her that well.   As I was about to walk away I said to her, “Evelyn be careful now cause you’re a good woman but right now you’re very likely to cheat on your husband.” She looked at me for a second and said, “You’re right Rom. Here’s why you’re right.” We then spent the next hour talking about issues she was having in her marriage.   Keep in mind that she said NOTHING in our brief initial conversation that gave an indication about marital problems.   I just read her body language.

            One other issue is that most people don’t want to listen anyway.   They have an image of a street cat or a player and since I don’t look like either one they think I’m just some square dude like they are. I’m basically clean cut, with no earrings or tattoos.   Let me actually share some game with y’all.   All these cats who tattoo themselves and want to be about that life are stupid.    One thing I learned in when I was around the street cats when I was little was how not to draw unnecessary attention to myself.    One way law enforcement tracks people is by their tattoos.   That’s like a fucking brand.   If the police are looking for somebody and they know the person has say a star tattoo on their neck all they have to do is go around and say, “Have you seen someone with a star tattoo on their neck?”   Someone will have seen that person and give them up especially if there is a reward.    I learned how not to draw attention to myself.   I didn’t just learn from my mother’s “friends.”   There were some thorough cats in the neighborhood.   One dude I’ll call Kevin was like a ghetto Ninja. That brotha could hide in plain sight and could shake anybody trying to follow him. There’s another cat I keep up with from that neighborhood I’ll call Cedric. Ironically I didn’t know him then. His sister was my classmate in elementary school and we used to hold hands on class trips as travel buddies. Cedric is one of those dudes that would scare Jack Bauer. Good thing I never disrespected his sister. You know I might need to write a book about my time in Anacostia.

            There’s so much more I need to say about why I don’t teach game.   This blog is just part 1. I’m going have to come with a part 2.   I’m going have to tell y’all about the Demon Lovers.

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