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Big Rom Replay: Sexual Shadow World

12/13/2015

8 Comments

 
The following blog was originally published on October  26, 2014.   

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            I write a lot of things regarding male/female relationships that either doesn’t make sense to people or seems like I don’t know what I’m talking about.   There’s a reason for that.   The reason is one of perspective.   Most people can only relate to things that match their own worldview.   Indeed most people will only seek out information that validates their perspectives.   If something doesn’t validate their perspective they tend to reject the information.   That’s the reason why despite all of the books, seminars, coaches, and bloggers out there it seems like relationships are getting worse and not better.   Most commentators, including professionals, have only seen a part of the picture and not the whole thing.   There were some incidents many years ago that illustrate my point.

            When I first published my books I did a lot of seminars.   I remember two in particular that stand out because of the contrasts between the participants.   The first seminar was with a group of Black professionals.  The organizers of the seminar had read my book, Nice Guys and Players, and had pulled my character types out for role play among the participants.   They were scary spot on acting out the characters of the Nice Guy, Gamesman, and Masked Man.   When they got to Mr. Goodbar the characterization was off.  By miles.   An interesting thing happened.   When the discussion was focused on the first three types the conversation was lively even heated.   When I talked about Mr. Goodbar the place was quiet.  You could literally hear a pin drop.   The concept of a man who had women walk up and drop their panties was alien to most of the people in the room.  Well, except for the Goodbar in the corner working his magic on a Buppie with the phat ass booty.  He looked at me, gave me a head nod, and went back to work.   Like most things I’ve encountered in life I placed the moment in a mental file cabinet to pull out and think about later.

            The second incident came a few years later.   I was doing a seminar with some true to the game thugs.   These were men convicted of minor crimes and were only sitting down with me because a Judge didn’t leave them any choice in the matter.   An interesting thing happened.  Usually when I discussed my books and ideas with groups the information would be received with disbelief and at times ridiculed because it went against the belief systems of seminar participants.   At times I thought maybe I was the one who was off.   Then I come across a group of real thugs.   An interesting thing happened.   After a little bit of an introduction to my books these men opened up about their experiences and told me the contents of my books.   Not only did they know about Mr. Goodbar they were Mr. Goodbar.   These men were telling me some things that quite frankly a person would be hard-pressed to find a mention of in any form of media.   

            See here’s the thing.   In a previous blog I talked about men and women having two faces, a social face and a sexual face.   The social face is the one everyone sees.   That’s the face with the business suit, going to the kids’ soccer games, and being good neighbor by keeping the grass cut.   Most relationship advice, most discussions about Alpha and Beta Males, most conversations about what women want focus on the social faces.   The sexual faces are something completely different.   Socially, a person has a professional job, is a good parent, and neighbor.   They even go to church regularly.   Sexually that person is a swinger who routinely has sex with strangers.   The sexual face is how a person behaves in sexual manner.   A major problem in relationship discussions is that the focus is on social faces.   The whole Alpha Male thing for example is based on a social face.   The Alpha Male is supposedly the take charge, center of attention man who gets all the hot women.   This of course is based on the assessment of what such a man is doing socially.   The man holding court in a bar is only dominating socially.   There may be a few women feeling his vibe but trust me they may never go home with him.    Many socially dominant men are weak behind closed doors.   So why do I say this?

            I’m one of those people who has encountered a WHOLE lot of people in life.   I personally have been acquainted with many alternative sex workers.   We’re talking about Dominatrixes and Tantric Massage workers.   I’ve also known phone sex workers, sugar babies, true gold diggers, escorts, and strippers.    These women have told me a lot about their clients.   We’re not talking losers living in their mom’s basements playing video games all day.   The women I talked to told me about encounters with men who were SOCIALLY Alpha Males.   Straight up, a dude living in his mom’s basement couldn’t afford most of these women.    It’s funny as hell to me that a whole subculture of men focuses on being the Alpha Males they see socially without knowing anything about the sexual faces of these men.    Let me share some things about myself to give the reader an idea about why I say the things I say.   

            In my early twenties I was where many men pay thousands of dollars to get.   This was back in the late eighties and early nineties.   I was at the top of that thing called game.   I had zero anxiety approaching women.   To use the street language of the time, I had a “smooth rap.”  On top of that my fashion and grooming game was A-1.  I also had the status of being of Black man with a degree who was pursuing a post graduate degree.   The only real weakness in my game was my weight.   Though I’m a natural mesomorph, if I don’t work out consistently I would gain weight.   The good thing about me gaining weight is that my body tends to gain evenly and not just in one area such as my stomach.   Even though I had extra weight on I carried it very well.   At most my weight gave me an average physical appearance which I was able to compensate for by having a smooth rap and wicked fashion game, especially with my shoes.   

            With my game at the time I was able to date and have sex with some very attractive and shapely women.   Now I had still had to put in some work to woo the women.   Nobody was sleeping with me on the first date, maybe fourth or fifth date.   Of course there were some rejections.  Also I did hear the words, “Let’s just be friends.”   There were plenty of women in what I call the “Not Sure Zone.”   Women in that zone will have a little sexual attraction for a man but not enough to simply drop her panties.   A man has to work for a woman in that zone.  Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he don’t.   Where I was at the time I thought I was at the top of the game.   I was getting a LOT of play from attractive women primarily in the six to eight range.   Even a few Nines and Tens showed some interest.   Then around 1991 I entered the Sexual Shadow World and had my mind blown.

            I had started running in the spring of 1990 because a Nine didn’t want to have sex with me because of my weight.   I was weighing about 230 and quite frankly getting a little sloppy.   During that summer my weight came down to about 215 and to be honest I didn’t think anything of it.   I was getting pretty much the same play I was getting before from women in the six to eight range.   Then some interesting things happened to take everything to a different level.

            The first was that I was in the application process for a certain prominent federal law enforcement agency.   I had passed the panel interviews and now had to prepare to pass a physical fitness test.   I was required to do a certain number of pushups, sit-ups, and to be able to run 2 miles under 16 minutes.   So instead of jogging I had to start running.   I had to train more intensely.  So starting in the winter of 1990 until the summer of 1991 I dropped even more weight.   I went down to 190 pounds of lean muscle mass.  I passed the test with flying colors.  I was walking around at my optimal physique as the sit-ups had developed my abs and the pushups had developed my arms and chest.   Women started going crazy over my body to the point where I would ROUTINELY get approached on the street.   Even had some young girls yell out their car windows while I was walking on the street.   So I had a body that was attracting women to me.   That was one part of the equation.   The second part came from some unique individuals.  

            In the summer of 1991 I encountered some sex workers.   For legal reasons I can’t get into the particulars but during that summer I learned a lot about the inner sexual nature of women.   It was some things not discussed in public and still isn’t.   On the internet now there are some men who called themselves “Red Pill” because they think they know the sexual nature of women.   They don’t and they’re deluded.   They’ve barely scratched the surface.  They don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World.    Even some men who get a lot of sex don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World.   But I digress.

            These sex workers gave me a real education.   I already knew a lot from women I had been around as a child but these women took me to a new level.   There were also one older man who gave me some insight.   One of the reasons I don’t hold what is taught as game on the internet in high regard is because of that man.   I’ll call the man James.   James was an older Jamaican who had a scary insight into how people behaved psychologically.   He could look at someone and tell you what’s going on with them.   He would mess with people’s heads just to pass the time.   He was especially adept at fucking or as he said “getting some punanny.”   He was talking about setting up a 900 line which was popular back then to tell men how to bring a woman to orgasm.   He was actually the first man I had met who was talking about satisfying women sexually.  Most men fail because they don’t look like they can or even care about getting a woman to orgasm.   

            The combination of the sex workers and James took me into the Sexual Shadow World.   In that world Mr. Goodbar is the Alpha Male.   Yet in the social world the same man may be a minimum wage worker or shy in a crowd.    In the Sexual Shadow World the men at the top of the pyramid are not the tall good looking men with status or game.   Physical appearance is important, indeed of supreme importance but not in the classic way that is important in the social world.   First of all a man’s face doesn’t matter as much.   In the Sexual Shadow World a good looking face is a bonus but not a necessity.   If one takes an honest look at the SEXUALLY attractive people they are rarely very physically attractive in the face.   There are exceptions but in general SEXUALLY attractive people have average faces.   Don’t believe me?  Take a real good look at the men and women who turn on people sexually.   All they have in common are great bodies.   Many are buttafaces.   A good looking face is more important for in the social world.   When it comes down to sex, a man just needs a hot body, a decent size dick, and some fair sexual skills.   

            In this case physical appearance is more about the body, the print, and how the man moves which gives the woman a clue about how he would be in bed.   See most of what’s in the media is focused on what women want socially.   The key to a woman is what type of man she lusts for.   A woman may publically say she wants a man who’s tall, with a good looking face, with status and a decent body.    Many women when presented with what they say they want may still reject the man.   The reason is that they don’t lust the man.  Indeed when many women say they love a man they are really saying they lust him.   Socially a woman may want that classic good looking man who seems dominant.   Sexually she wants that rough looking man with hard body and big dick who would pound her pussy like it stole something.  

            A key component to the Nice Guys and Players Philosophy is to be a man who can satisfy a woman’s social needs AND her sexual needs.   Despite the talk about there being a shortage of men many women who are even reasonably attractive have two men in their lives.   The first man is the socially acceptable boyfriend or husband.   The first man takes her out, spends money on her, and provides emotional support.   He is acceptable to her friends and family.  In many cases he is considered an Alpha Male.   The second man is one nobody knows about.   His only purpose is to satisfy her lust.   He might not be classically handsome, he may be broke, and truth be told not even have what is commonly considered game.   He can fuck though. Well.

            Now I’m not talking about theory here.   During the period I lived in the Sexual Shadow World I would say the OVERWELMING majority of women I dealt with had boyfriends.   As far as I know I didn’t mess with any women with husbands.  I say as far as I know because women lie more than men.  I did know some men who didn’t have a problem with fucking another man’s wife.  I seriously consider women hypocrites when they talk about cheating men.   When women are in lust they don’t give a fuck.  A woman will fuck her best friend and sister’s husbands in a threesome if she lusts them.   They will find a rationalization to satisfy their lust.   It wasn’t certain trashy women either cheating either.  It was something that crossed class lines and even subcultures.   I’ve dealt with church girls, nerd girls, and princesses who cheated on their men.  Those goody-goody girls can be the worse.  The Sexual Shadow World is where that perfect Ten will do the freaky-freaky while tied up.  

            Here’s the thing.   Many men reject what I tell them because it goes against CONVENTIONAL wisdom.   There are men out there who think if they just get some plastic surgery all of a sudden they’ll get hot woman.   There are men who think if they behave in a dominant manner the women will drop their panties.   There are men learning game in their attempts to get hot women or any women.   The only thing a man needs to do is develop himself to the point where a woman will LOOK at him and say to herself, “he can get it.”   At the point the man needs to be present enough to pick up on her SEXUAL desire.  He then needs to be smart enough not to say something stupid and give what one beautiful woman once said, “Instant dryness.”

            The only game is lust.   If a man wants more and better women he needs to develop his overall physical appearance so that it generates lust.   The man also has KNOW that women want sex as much as men.  Indeed the truth is the more sexually attractive a woman is the more they will choose a man based on pure lust.   

            I just gave y’all some raw game.  I wonder who will pick up on it.   Hit up me here.


            Peace!

 

 


8 Comments

Nice Guys and Players in a Nutshell

11/22/2015

0 Comments

 
            Back in the nineties, I was vending at an event in a popular DC restaurant and nightclub.  While I was there I passed out a survey to many old and young women.   The survey required the women to read a statement and then answer a question.   The statement described a man who was handsome, muscular, educated, and had money.   The question to the women was what they would do with such a man.   The older women looked at the question and said things like get to know him and treat him with respect.   An interesting thing happened with the younger women.  Not a single one answered the question.  I saw one of the women just sit down and stare at the survey.    I thought about their reactions and searched for reasons why they would respond this way.   The search for solutions eventually led to the publication of my book, Nice Guys and Players (NGAP).

            The problem is that most men and women think in “either/or” terms with regard to how men are categorized.   They think that a man can only be a Nice Guy or a Player but not both.   A popular concept in certain male-dominated circles is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.”   This line of thinking says that women will have their sexual adventures with tall good looking Alpha males but when it comes time to marry they seek Beta males as stable financial providers.   This isn’t theory.  This something anybody with a little bit of common sense sees happening all the time.   How many women have had wild uninhibited sex with pretty boys and jocks when they were young, in some cases having their babies, and then end up with an average looking dude who has a steady job?   Some women even marry the Average Joe and still hook up with the Fine Man every now and then.    It doesn’t have to be this way.   Who says a man can’t be an Alpha who fux and a Beta with bux?   A man can be both a Nice Guy AND a Player.

            When I was selling my book at expos and other vending events I had the same basic sales pitch.   I would say that, “Women like the Nice Guy because he’s supportive emotionally but he doesn’t turn them on sexually.  Women like the Player sexually but he has five other women.  The ideal man for a woman has the supportive traits of a Nice Guy but can turn on a woman like a Player.”   Women and Players got the concept right away.   They were my biggest customers.  Selling the book to Nice Guys and men who thought they had game was like pulling teeth.   I’ve actually got into arguments with Nice Guys to the point I was ready to go to their jaws.   These Nice Guys couldn’t conceive that a man could be everything to a woman.  It’s very possible though.  I don’t write theories.  Every single thing I’ve written in my books is something I’ve observed in the real world.   I’ll share some examples.

            I’ve spent a lot of time in gyms both as a member and as an employee.   As such I’ve got to know a lot of men.   Also in my former corporate life my social circle consisted primarily of educated professionals with post graduate degrees.   I’ve known several men who women described as handsome, these men were muscular, athletic as I played ball with some of them, and were sexually appealing to women.   The women these men had as wives, girlfriends, and lovers, were straight Dimes.   At the same time these men were high earning attorneys, doctors, and business owners.   I knew one dude who could dominate pickup basketball game, then bench press 400 lbs., go visit his beautiful girlfriend, and the next morning prepare for an important court case.

            Too many men limit themselves.   The key is being holistic.   If a man really reads my books without looking for some type of technique to pick up women they will see I give them the keys to the kingdom.   Everything comes down to developing both the mind and the body.   Most people who read my books see that I emphasize developing the body.   What most people don’t see is that I also talk about developing the mind as well.   I saw a negative review of NGAP that tried to make fun of me saying that men need to read more books.   The reviewer thought he was being slick but really he was an idiot.   The point of reading is to introduce ideas to the mind which will develop a person’s thinking.   Personally to keep my mind sharp I like reading books which challenged my belief systems.   Sometimes my thinking would change on a particular subject, and sometimes my stance would become stronger.   The thing is my mind gets the same level of exercise as my body.

            I don’t see any reason why a man cannot be a Nice Guy AND a Player.   I’ve known men who developed into both.  I’ve known men who were good guy, do right types who changed their luck with women simply because they developed muscular bodies and changed their wardrobe.   When I used to have a bookstand years ago, men who were straight up, true to the game Thugs would buy out the books I had that dealt with history, religion, and holistic living.   These men became even more appealing to women as a result.

            In a nutshell, if a man wants not just women but a fulfilling life where he is living his purpose he must strive every day to develop both his mind and his body.   He has become both the Alpha who fux and the Beta with bux.  He must become both a Nice Guy AND a Player.

                  

Purchase Nice Guys and players
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How Women Really See Men

5/31/2015

2 Comments

 
            One of the foundations of what I talk about in my books and blogs is how women categorize men into select and non-select categories.   These categories are further broken down into four subcategories.   For the most part it has helped many people and I will continue to use the categories in a general sense when discussing certain aspects of male/female relationships.  That being said, I also believe in evolution.   I’m a student as well as a teacher and I will continue learn and evolve until the day I transition.   I’ve encountered a very significant issue with this classification system.   I’ve known about it for years but until now haven’t figured out a way to correct the issue.   The problem is that despite how descriptive I tend to be with the categories many men have a hard time figuring out where they are placed.   

            Most men think they are select.   If I ask a man where he think he places many will say Mr. Goodbar.   Some with a little bit of money will say Masked Man.   Listening to these men talk and being in a position to watch women respond to them I realize that these men are non-select.   At the same time I’ve had men who would definitely qualify as Mr. Goodbar identify themselves as Nice Guys because they didn’t feel like they had game.  Understandable since Mr. Goodbar types tend to be lousy at doing any work to get a woman.   Very few Goodbars have “game.”   Almost no man identifies themselves as a Gamesmen even though conversations with them reveal that the only they get women is through deception.   Thus the big problem.   Though many men get the concepts in general they have still not been as helpful as they could be.  

            It’s the same thing for people who use the Alpha Male/Beta Male model.   Many men are confused as to what is Alpha and what is Beta.   This question will be asked and discussed on many message boards and blogs.   Some men will think they are Alpha when they are not.  Some men will think they are Beta when they are not.   See the key to all this is not how men see themselves but rather how women see them.

            See when women categorize men they don’t do so in hierarchal terms.   They don’t go into a club and say, “Oh there’s the Alpha Male, let me try to get his attention.”   They don’t really use the terms I use either which are really like general allegories.   They don’t go into a club and say “Oh, there’s Mr. Goodbar, let me go jump on his dick because he’s taller and handsomer than the other men.”   Men and women think differently.  Men tend to be more direct and focused.   Men are like Hawks.   A Hawk will fly from point A to point B in the shortest time possible.   Women are like Butterflies.   A Butterfly will still go from Point A to Point B but they will stop every time they get a chance.   They sure as hell won’t go in a straight line.   They might fly close to point B at some point and then fly back to point A.   Women are more circular in their thoughts and movements.   Women don’t rate men according to hierarchy but rather according to whatever their needs are at that particular moment.

            What follows are eight of the categories that women in general put men into.  There are actually more depending on the woman.  I won’t use allegorical names for this.   These are everyday terms that any man can recognize.   Also something to keep in mind is that all men can fall into every single category.   A man who is seen as Husband material to one woman is seen as a Creep to another woman.   A man who is seen as Dick to one woman is Invisible to still another woman.   The thing to understand from these categories knowing that regardless of how a man see himself a woman will have a completely different viewpoint.  

HUSBAND

            As the name suggests women see this man as good husband material.   This doesn’t mean they see him as particularly handsome or sexy.   It means they see him as someone they could build a life with.   Usually it means someone that shares their value system and would be acceptable to family and social circle.   For most women it means a responsible man who will handle his business.   Women tend to take their time with this man.   They will date this man for a while before sleeping with him because most women know that men will not want to marry a woman who has sex with them too soon.   Women tend to get conservative when dealing with a Husband type.   Women tend to choose Husbands for pragmatic reasons and not for romantic reasons.  

BOYFRIEND

            The Boyfriend isn’t seen as a marriage prospect.   Yes many women marry their boyfriends after a while but this is something different.   The Boyfriend serves two primary purposes, entertainment and companionship.   The Boyfriend is the steady guy to have fun with and provide regular sex.   He isn’t necessarily Husband material.   Many women know that beyond fun and games the man they’re dealing with is a loser.  Some lie to themselves and try to see something that isn’t there but as I maintain, women are way more pragmatic than they are given credit for.   Many women who deal with bad boys don’t plan to marry these men.  That’s why a woman can be with a Boyfriend for years and still end up marrying another man.  

DICK

            When a woman sees a man as Dick, it literally means his value to her is his penis.   Dick is not seen as Husband or Boyfriend material.  This is regardless of what Dick has going for him socially.   A significant number of women just want a hard penis up in them.   Dick is whoever a woman considers sexy enough to jump his bones with as few complications as possible.   Generally men in this category have solid body builds.   Facially these men may not be the most handsome and they may not be that intelligent.   It’s irrelevant as women just want their dicks.   Many women with Husbands and Boyfriends will cheat with Dick.   Dick’s calling card is great sex or at least the women will think so upon meeting them.   Much of a woman’s arousal is based on her imagination but that’s is another blog.

BUDDY

          A woman will have sex occasionally with Husbands, more with Boyfriends, and as much as possible with Dicks.   When a woman sees a man as a Buddy he’s been put in the dreaded friend zone.   A Buddy is the type of man a woman will be cool with.   She will have conversations with him.  She will joke around with him but she does not see him in a sexual manner.   She might not even him as a friend.   A Buddy is more somebody a woman happens to know.   They probably have something in common like work or a social group.  A woman is not going to share any deep secrets with a Buddy.

BROTHER

           A woman seeing a man as a Brother is probably the worst part of the friend zone.   That means the women sees ZERO sexual value in a particular man.   Even a Buddy with some effort can move into the Husband or Boyfriend category.   When a woman puts a man into the Brother category on some level she is saying, “I will never have sex with you.”  What she will do is treat you like her brother or depending on the situation, her sister.   A woman will tell a Brother, “I haven’t had sex with my Husband in a year but that’s okay.   Dick has been giving me that good-good.  He got a big one and knows how to use it.”   A man knows he’s been seen as a woman’s Brother when she has no problem discussing intimate details of her sex life with him.  

THIRSTY

            A woman sees a man as Thirsty when he just pesters the hell out of her and she has no interest in him.   This is the guy who likes all of her pictures on social media or texts her all the time if he manages to get her number.  Most women see men who catcall them on the street as Thirsty.   Most women are turned off by Thirsty men.   The reason why is because of how women think.   Their reasoning is that if a man is getting regular sex he’s not going to be thirsty.   Thus if a man is thirsty something must be wrong with him if he is not getting regular sex.   A few women will keep a Thirsty man around for a spare Dick.   Thirsty men are to women what fat ugly women are to men, easy.   Every now and then a woman needs somebody who is going to come over and eat the pussy without any major problems.   Many will string along a Thirsty man for this reason.

CREEP

          Thirsty men tend to be decent looking enough for some women to string along.   Creeps are Thirsty men who are physically repulsive to women.   They are unable to physically arouse women.  Indeed their presence tends to evoke negative feelings in women.   A man in the Dick category can say, “Good morning” to a woman and she will go weak in the knees.   A Creep says the exact same thing he might get cursed out and have a video of him getting cursed out go viral on the internet.   Women will get mad that a Creep even approaches them.

INVISIBLE

         Women don’t even see these men.   There could be a social event where are thirty men.   Ten of the men are Invisible.   Later when asked how many men were at the event most of the women in attendance will say, “About twenty.”   Yeah it’s that deep.   An Invisible can say, “Good morning” to a woman on the street and she won’t respond because she literally didn’t hear or see him.   Many men don’t register on a woman’s radar.  Women simply don’t see them.   Even a Creep registers more than an Invisible.

*************

            As I said these are only eight of the categories.  Every SINGLE woman has a way she rates men which will be influenced by factors such as race, religion, economic class, and even whether she is in hurry to get home to watch a TV show.   The average woman sizes up a man according to her criteria in a few seconds.   They are very good at this.   Indeed I call bullshit on women who act surprised when a man they’re dealing with turns out to be a loser.  Very few women are fooled that easily by a man.   Women learn how to read men from the time they are babies.   The problem is women like to play innocent victims and many simps and white knights want to believe them.   I’m going to go in on this in another blog.

            The takeaway is that a man must work hard to find out how women really see him.   Don’t ask family members.  If they love you they won’t be honest.   Ask women you think will tell you the truth.   A player once told me that it’s very important to cultivate female friends who will practice tough love with you.   They will let a man know how other women see him.   They will even suggest improvements.   Once a man knows how women see him he can make real progress in getting the women he truly desires.

 

 

 

2 Comments

Sexual Shadow World

10/26/2014

0 Comments

 
            I write a lot of things regarding male/female relationships that either doesn’t make sense to people or seems like I don’t know what I’m talking about.   There’s a reason for that.   The reason is one of perspective.   Most people can only relate to things that match their own worldview.   Indeed most people will only seek out information that validates their perspectives.   If something doesn’t validate their perspective they tend to reject the information.   That’s the reason why despite all of the books, seminars, coaches, and bloggers out there it seems like relationships are getting worse and not better.   Most commentators, including professionals, have only seen a part of the picture and not the whole thing.   There were some incidents many years ago that illustrate my point.

            When I first published my books I did a lot of seminars.   I remember two in particular that stand out because of the contrasts between the participants.   The first seminar was with a group of Black professionals.  The organizers of the seminar had read my book, Nice Guys and Players, and had pulled my character types out for role play among the participants.   They were scary spot on acting out the characters of the Nice Guy, Gamesman, and Masked Man.   When they got to Mr. Goodbar the characterization was off.  By miles.   An interesting thing happened.   When the discussion was focused on the first three types the conversation was lively even heated.   When I talked about Mr. Goodbar the place was quiet.  You could literally hear a pin drop.   The concept of a man who had women walk up and drop their panties was alien to most people of the room.  Well, except for the Goodbar in the corner working his magic on a Buppie with the phat ass booty.  He looked at me, gave me a head nod, and went back to work.   Like most things I’ve encountered in life I placed the moment in a mental file cabinet to pull out and think about later.

            The second incident came a few years later.   I was doing a seminar with some true to the game thugs.   These were men convicted of minor crimes and were only sitting down with me because a Judge didn’t leave them any choice in the matter.   An interesting thing happened.  Usually when I discussed my books and ideas with groups the information would be received with disbelief and at times ridiculed because it went against the belief systems of seminar participants.   At times I thought maybe I was the one who was off.   Then I come across a group of real thugs.   An interesting thing happened.   After a little bit of an introduction to my books these men opened up about their experiences and told me the contents of my books.   Not only did they know about Mr. Goodbar they were Mr. Goodbar.   These men were telling me some things that quite frankly a person would be hard-pressed to find a mention of in any form of media.  

            See here’s the thing.   In a previous blog I talked about men and women having two faces, a social face and a sexual face.   The social face is the one everyone sees.   That’s the face with the business suit, going to the kids’ soccer games, and being good neighbor by keeping the grass cut.   Most relationship advice, most discussions about Alpha and Beta Males, most conversations about what women want focus on the social faces.   The sexual faces are something completely different.   Socially, a person has a professional job, is a good parent, and neighbor.   They even go to church regularly.   Sexually that person is a swinger who routinely has sex with strangers.   The sexual face is how a person behaves in sexual manner.   A major problem in relationship discussions is that the focus is on social faces.   The whole Alpha Male thing for example is based on a social face.   The Alpha Male is supposedly the take charge, center of attention man who gets all the hot women.   This of course is based on the assessment of what such a man is doing socially.   The man holding court in a bar is only dominating socially.   There may be a few women feeling his vibe but trust me they may never go home with him.    Many socially dominant men are weak behind closed doors.   So why do I say this?

            I’m one of those people who has encountered a WHOLE lot of people in life.   I personally have been acquainted with many alternative sex workers.   We’re talking about Dominatrixes, and Tantric Massage workers.   I’ve also known phone sex workers, sugar babies, true gold diggers, escorts, and strippers.    These women have told me a lot about their clients.   We’re not talking losers living in their mom’s basements playing video games all day.   The women I talked to told me about encounters with men who were SOCIALLY Alpha Males.   Straight up, a dude living in his mom’s basement couldn’t afford most of these women.    It’s funny as hell to me that a whole subculture of men focuses on being the Alpha Males they see socially without knowing anything about the sexual faces of these men.    Let me share some things about myself to give the reader an idea about why I say the things I say.  

            In my early twenties I was where many men pay thousands of dollars to get.   This was back in the late eighties and early nineties.   I was at the top of that thing called game.   I had zero anxiety approaching women.   To use the street language of the time, I had a “smooth rap.”  On top of that my fashion and grooming game was A-1.  I also had the status of being of Black man with a degree who was pursuing a post graduate degree.   The only real weakness in my game was my weight.   Though I’m a natural mesomorph, if I don’t work out consistently I would gain weight.   The good thing about me gaining weight is that my body tends to gain evenly and not just in one area such as my stomach.   Even though I had extra weight on I carried it very well.   At most my weight gave me an average physical appearance which I was able to compensate for by having a smooth rap and wicked fashion game, especially with my shoes.  

            With my game at the time I was able to date and have sex with some very attractive and shapely women.   Now I had still had to put in some work to woo the women.   Nobody was sleeping with me on the first date, maybe fourth or fifth date.   Of course there were some rejections.  Also I did hear the words, “Let’s just be friends.”   There were plenty of women in what I call the “Not Sure Zone.”   Women in that zone will have a little sexual attraction for a man but not enough to simply drop her panties.   A man has to work for a woman in that zone.  Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he don’t.   Where I was at the time I thought I was at the top of the game.   I was getting a LOT of play from attractive women primarily in the six to eight range.   Even a few Nines and Tens showed some interest.   Then around 1991 I entered the Sexual Shadow World and had my mind blown.

            I had started running in the spring of 1990 because a Nine didn’t want to have sex with me because of my weight.   I was weighing about 230 and quite frankly getting a little sloppy.   During that summer my weight came down to about 215 and to be honest I didn’t think anything of it.   I was getting pretty much the same play I was getting before from women in the six to eight range.   Then some interesting things happened to take everything to a different level.

            The first was that I was in the application process for a certain prominent federal law enforcement agency.   I had passed the panel interviews and now had to prepare to pass a physical fitness test.   I was required to do a certain number of pushups, sit-ups, and to be able to run 2 miles under 16 minutes.   So instead of jogging I had to start running.   I had to train more intensely.  So starting in the winter of 1990 until the summer of 1991 I dropped even more weight.   I went down to 190 pounds of lean muscle mass.  I passed the test with flying colors.  I was walking around at my optimal physique as the sit-ups had developed my abs and the pushups had developed my arms and chest.   Women started going crazy over my body to the point where I would ROUTINELY get approached on the street.   Even had some young girls yell out their car windows while I was walking on the street.   So I had a body that was attracting women to me.   That was one part of the equation.   The second part came from some unique individuals. 

            In the summer of 1991 I encountered some sex workers.   For legal reasons I can’t get into the particulars but during that summer I learned a lot about the inner sexual nature of women.   It was some things not discussed in public and still isn’t.   On the internet now there are some men who called themselves “Red Pill” because they think they know the sexual nature of women.   They don’t and they’re deluded.   They’ve barely scratched the surface.  They don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World.    Even some men who get a lot of sex don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World.   But I digress.

            These sex workers gave me a real education.   I already knew a lot from women I had been around as a child but these women took me to a new level.   There were also one older man who gave me some insight.   One of the reasons I don’t hold what is taught as game on the internet in high regard is because of that man.   I’ll call the man James.   James was an older Jamaican who had a scary insight into how people behaved psychologically.   He could look at someone and tell you what’s going on with them.   He would mess with people’s heads just to pass the time.   He was especially adept at fucking or as he said “getting some punanny.”   He was talking about setting up a 900 line which was popular back then to tell men how to bring a woman to orgasm.   He was actually the first man I had met who was talking about satisfying women sexually.  Most men fail because they don’t look like they can or even care about getting a woman to orgasm.  

            The combination of the sex workers and James took me into the Sexual Shadow World.   In that world Mr. Goodbar is the Alpha Male.   Yet in the social world the same man may be a minimum wage worker or shy in a crowd.    In the Sexual Shadow World the men at the top of the pyramid are not the tall good looking men with status or game.   Physical appearance is important, indeed of supreme importance but not in the classic way that is important in the social world.   First of all a man’s face doesn’t matter as much.   In the Sexual Shadow World a good looking face is a bonus but not a necessity.   If one takes an honest look at the SEXUALLY attractive people they are rarely very physically attractive in the face.   There are exceptions but in general SEXUALLY attractive people have average faces.   Don’t believe me?  Take a real good look at the men and women who turn on people sexually.   All they have in common are great bodies.   Many are buttafaces.   A good looking face is more important for in the social world.   When it comes down to sex, a man just needs a hot body, a decent size dick, and some fair sexual skills.  

            In this case physical appearance is more about the body, the print, and how the man moves which gives the woman a clue about how he would be in bed.   See most of what’s in the media is focused on what women want socially.   The key to a woman is what type of man she lusts for.   A woman may publically say she wants a man who’s tall, with a good looking face, with status and a decent body.    Many women when presented with what they say they want may still reject the man.   The reason is that they don’t lust the man.  Indeed when many women say they love a man they are really saying they lust him.   Socially a woman may want that classic good looking man who seems dominant.   Sexually she wants that rough looking man with hard body and big dick who would pound her pussy like it stole something. 

            A key component to the Nice Guys and Players Philosophy is to be a man who can satisfy a woman’s social needs AND her sexual needs.   Despite the talk about there being a shortage of men many women who are even reasonably attractive have two men in their lives.   The first man is the socially acceptable boyfriend or husband.   The first man takes her out, spends money on her, and provides emotional support.   He is acceptable to her friends and family.  In many cases he is considered an Alpha Male.   The second man is one nobody knows about.   His only purpose is to satisfy her lust.   He might not be classically handsome, he may be broke, and truth be told not even have what is commonly considered game.   He can fuck though. Well.

            Now I’m not talking about theory here.   During the period I lived in the Sexual Shadow World I would say the OVERWELMING majority of women I dealt with had boyfriends.   As far as I know I didn’t mess with any women with husbands.  I say as far as I know because women lie more than men.  I did know some men who didn’t have a problem with fucking another man’s wife.  I seriously consider women hypocrites when they talk about cheating men.   When women are in lust they don’t give a fuck.  A woman will fuck her best friend and sister’s husbands in a threesome if she lusts them.   They will find a rationalization to satisfy their lust.   It wasn’t certain trashy women either cheating either.  It was something that crossed class lines and even subculture.   I’ve dealt with church girls, nerd girls, and princesses who cheated on their men.  Those goody-goody girls can be the worse.  The Sexual Shadow World is where that perfect Ten will do the freaky-freaky while tied up.  

            Here’s the thing.   Many men reject what I tell them because it goes against CONVENTIONAL wisdom.   There are men out there who think if they just get some plastic surgery all of a sudden they’ll get hot woman.   There are men who think if they behave in a dominant manner the women will drop their panties.   There are men learning game in their attempts to get hot women or any women.   The only thing a man needs to do is develop himself to the point where a woman will LOOK at him and say to herself, “he can get it.”   At the point the man needs to be present enough to pick up on her SEXUAL desire.  He then needs to be smart enough not to say something stupid and give what one beautiful woman once said, “Instant dryness.”

            The only game is lust.   If a man wants more and better women he needs to develop his overall physical appearance so that it generates lust.   The man also has KNOW that women want sex as much as men.  Indeed the truth is the more sexually attractive a woman is the more they will choose a man based on pure lust.  

            I just gave y’all some raw game.  I wonder who will pick up on it.   Hit up me here.

            Peace!

 

 

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July 13th, 2014

7/13/2014

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Power

6/4/2014

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            This past weekend I watched the preview episode for a new series coming on the Starz channel this Saturday, June 7 at 9 pm, Power.   This show is executive produced by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson.   Power stars Omari Hardwick as night club owner James “Ghost” St. Patrick.   St. Patrick is also the kingpin of a drug organization.   I usually don’t get into crime dramas but I will be watching this show every Saturday night.     The main character, James St. Patrick, represents the essence of what I write about in my books.   No I don’t encourage men to be drug dealers but St. Patrick has the traits that women find attractive in a man.

            St. Patrick showed himself to be a loving husband, father, and businessman.   He has a muscular build and I guarantee women will become fans of the show just to catch sex scenes.   He showed a depth of character as he questioned his decisions and direction of life.  Finally he was absolutely ruthless in dealing with a threat to his organization.   He is a very complex individual.   He is the Nice Guys and Players (NGAP) philosophy personified.

            My books, Nice Guys and Players, Sexual Chemistry, and Meeting Attractive Women are not the same as pick-up manuals or even more mainstream dating books.   In fact, the biggest criticism of my books was that they didn’t provide any techniques.   The critics missed the point.  Too many men want tricks and techniques for meeting and having sex with different women.   That is not the NGAP philosophy.  Instead of PRETENDING to be the man that women want BECOME the man women want.   Ultimately it is about becoming a MAN OF POWER.

            The basic premise of the NGAP philosophy is that women don’t quite want the nice guy.  He’s not sexually appealing, he’s like a brother, and he’s just a friend.    There are however occasions where the nice guy becomes desirable such as when women are older and wiser and can appreciate the nice guy’s traits.  Also quiet as it is kept there is a minority of young women who prefer nice guys.  The nice guy isn’t a total loser, as he brings needed traits to a relationship.

            Women don’t quite want the player either.  Yes indeed they will have sex with the players.  Some women will go from player to player.   Very few women, however, see the player as a long term relationship candidate.   In fact, many women will avoid being seen publically with a player.   Yes the player is good for sex but he brings little else to the table otherwise.  

            The ultimate man for a woman is a man who combines the best qualities of a nice guy and a player.  As one woman said to me, “a nice player.”   Now that may sound like a contradiction.   The general thought is that a man can be either nice guy or a player but not both.   There is a lot of talk on social media, websites, and blogs about the alpha male vs. the beta male.   One statement to this is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.”   It is felt by many that the alpha males get the women pregnant and then women is then provided for by the beta males.   Strong arguments for this.  I won’t attempt to refute the arguments.   My viewpoint is different.   Who says a man can’t be both?   Why not be the man who gets the sex, fathers the baby, and still be the daddy to the baby and husband to the mother?

            I don’t write about theories in my books.   I write what I know.   I KNOW it’s possible to be both the nice guy and the player cause that’s me.  That’s the men who mentored me growing up.   That’s the boys I grew up around.   I came of age in the seventies and eighties.   At least where I grew up in some of the worst and best parts of Washington DC if you were a male there were certain expectations that had to be met if you wanted to live a relatively peaceful existence.   One you had to be able to hold your own in a street fight.  Even if you got your ass kicked as long you fought back you were accepted.  You had to be at least decent at some sport.   You had to be able to talk to girls.  Overall my peers and I had to have some level of cool.   Now here’s a little tidbit about me.  In high school I was called a “Cool Bama.”   One reason was that I would purposely wear high water pants to show off the expensive Polo socks I used to rock.   Hey I paid a lot of money for them.  People were going to see them.   Also I had nerdy interests.  I was considered cool though because I played sports, stared in some school plays, didn’t have a problem throwing hands, and I always knew where the happening parties were.   Plus I was very good at meeting women.   I went to an all-boys high school.  If I met a girl on the street or at a party I HAD to get her phone number on the spot.   I was an expert at day and night game as a 16-year old in 1981 decades before the term PUA was ever uttered.

            My point in sharing that tidbit about myself was that I couldn’t be just one way.   It wasn’t something I consciously thought about.  It was just life and how things were.   Nowadays people try to separate the two.  Always an either/or.  That’s not realistic.  All people have two sides.  We all have a duality.   What has happened in Western culture is that people try to be either one or the other.   Using the example of what I talked about in past blogs about social faces and sexual faces, people try to be one and suppress the other.   Most people only show their social face and try to bury their sexual face.  As a result they become sexually repressed which leads to a whole slew of problems.  The biggest problem is that they have trouble sexually arousing a member of the opposite sex.   Some people show their sexual face freely but in many cases have trouble in social situations where more reserved behavior is necessary such as on jobs or other public venues.   To succeed in life a person needs to be balanced between their social face and sexual face.

            If one were to be close to the men who get both the most sex and the best women one will see that these men are close to being balanced between their two faces.    They will see that these men may be thuggish or at least have that edge in their persona.   I’ve dealt with some dangerous individuals because of the lifestyle I used to live.   These men were definite players as they either had multiple women or one extremely beautiful and sexy woman.   They were also very gentle around women and children.   I knew one particularly dangerous man whose baby girl had him wrapped around her chubby little fingers.  They were also good people who knew something about loyalty and honor.   Their personality traits seemed like contradictions but were really complimentary and made them who they were.  

            With regard to women they were men who could satisfy women not only sexually but could take care of the social aspects of the relationship as well.  

            So what does all this have to do with power?   To meet the challenges in life a man has to be many things.   Too many men get stuck in a box.   Now as long as life fits into that box everything is gravy.   Life by its very nature does not accommodate us in this manner.   Life challenges a man to grow and develop new skills in order to meet challenges.   Every time a man can meet a challenge he develop a power.   For example, say a man is unemployed and undereducated.  He is a low level street hustler.  He could get a regular job if he takes classes at a training institute.   He did poorly in school though and ended up dropping out.   In order to succeed at this training institute he has to develop the discipline to study, to concentrate and to walk away from negative elements in his life.   If he develops these skills he gets the reward of a career and a chance at a better life.  At the same time he still has the skills he developed while “being bout that life.”   Those street skills can help him in his career because he learned how to read people real well and thus no one can take advantage of him. That’s power.

            The NGAP philosophy is about developing the power to move through life with authority.  I have an inner circle of followers from when I published my first book back in 2000.   The things they are doing is phenomenal.   They not only have women trying to get at them but these men are building businesses and living their purpose in life.   They are able to be the nice guy when the occasion calls for it.  They are able to be the player when they need to tap that ass.   They can handle themselves with CEO’s of major companies.  They can get gully in a back alley.  

            In the end it’s not about how many women one can get or even how much money someone can make.   It’s about having the power to stand up as a man and move through life.

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