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For The Ladies: Turning on a Man

9/13/2015

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           The following is an excerpt from my book, Finding the Right Man.   Even though I'm known for my self-help books for men, the piece that got me started was a pamphlet called Finding a Good Man.   That 12 page  homemade booklet took me a long way and eventually led to my books for men.    Around 2003, I wrote Finding the Right Man.   It was written from the point of view of how men respond to women in the real world.   Most books by men addressed to women cater to the romantic illusions of women which turns out to be counter-productive.   I mean, really, has the 90 day rule promoted by a a certain old school player comedian actually worked for women?   

     So here's an excerpt from Finding the Right Man.    It's a thank you for many of the women who have supported my work over the years.



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           I will now discuss the secrets to generating sexual chemistry with a man.  Men are moved to great heights when stimulated by sex.  Many people consider men to be sex-obsessed but then do not ask why they are this way.  Men who are truly successful in life have one thing in common: they have found a constructive use for their sex drive.  A woman’s ability to arouse a man is the key to this sex drive.  The woman who can keep her man aroused will have two things.  One, a man who will have the drive to succeed in any chosen endeavor. Two, she will have a man predisposed to being monogamous.  The biggest single reason men fool around is for sex.  Two of the best ways to keep a man from cheating is to keep him aroused and focused on a project.

            The whole sex thing isn’t just about pleasing a man anyway.   Too many women don’t enjoy sex for it’s own sake.  Too many see it as an obligation.  Even many women who do enjoy sex are not satisfied because the men are not fulfilling their needs.    What follows are the keys to developing sexual chemistry with a man.    When a woman can truly arouse a man she not only satisfies him but she will find that he will be more motivated to satisfy her needs.

             Keys to Sexual Chemistry

            A.    Physical appearance
         
             A key component to generating sexual chemistry with a man is physical appearance.  A man’s nature is to be attracted to a woman based on her physical appearance.   No amount of intellectualism or political correctness will change this.   The Creator made us this way for a reason.   Now a mature man will also check out a woman’s emotional and spiritual traits but this will generally occur after he gets past the initial physical attraction.   The physical is what draws a man to a woman.  You can be the most sweetest, loving, loyal woman in the world and the man will not be inclined to find out about your personality if he doesn’t think you have a nice body.   Even if somehow you do meet, if he doesn’t find you physically attractive you will be in the “Friend” category. 


            The key to a woman developing her physical appearance is to engage in some type of exercise program, particularly programs which will tone her muscles and also keep access fat off her stomach.   Fat around the stomach area is key.   The ideal shape for a woman is an hourglass figure.   There should a contrast between the breasts, the waists and the hips.   For example, Suzanne is a woman who is 5’10” and 200 pounds yet men fall all over themselves to be with her.   The reason is that despite her weight she has a relatively small waist and flat stomach.  It’s the SHAPE that’s most important.   I know many woman get caught into trying to be a size 6 or below but the reality is that it’s not genetically possible for all women to be that size or even desirable for many men.   There are many men who prefer women who are size 12 and up.  The key is the shape and not the clothes size.  

            In addition to exercises which deal with access weight around the stomach, a woman may want to spend time working on exercises which strengthen and tone her legs and butt.   Even though there seems to be an emphasis on a woman’s breasts in the media many men are attracted to a nice booty and legs.   

            Ultimately you want to be in the best shape possible.   This will do more to attract a man than degrees or material possessions.

            B. Clothing
      
            A woman can have a body that will put a man into a trance and cause a few accidents but it would be irrelevant if she covers it too much or doesn’t wear clothes that enhance her figure.  There are two considerations with the clothes a woman wears.  One, does the clothing enhance her physical appearance and two, are the clothes feminine?

            Once the woman has improved her physical appearance the clothing she chooses to wear will either shield that appearance or magnify it.  For example, Charlene despite having a “coke bottle” figure wears very loose clothing that effectively hides her body.   So when men see her they are not inclined to approach her regardless of her signals because they don’t see her figure and thus are not aroused.   She isn’t able to generate sexual chemistry with them.

            On the other hand Kyra has the same type of figure but she doesn’t have a problem generating sexual chemistry because she will wear tight tops, shorter than average skirts, and four-inch pumps.  Even in business attire she will dress provocatively.  As a result men fall over themselves to talk with her. 

            In the two examples above the women are wearing clothes which project two aspects of femininity: maternal and sensual.   One issue I’m seeing more and more is women dressing like men.   It’s very important that a woman looking for the Right Man doesn’t dress like one.   If she has a “coke bottle” figure but wears clothes like a man she is not going to generate sexual chemistry with the men in her environment.  

            The key to understanding with clothes is that they magnify a person’s body.    It’s very important that women are cognizant of how they choose and wear their clothing.    Using the examples from above, Charlene is in a sense neutralizing her physical appearance by covering up her body.   The average man will view her as a friend.  Kyra on the other hand is over-magnifying her body.   The average man will see her as a sex partner.  The key once again is balance.

            The clothing women wear should strike a balance between sensual and maternal.  A woman wants to dress sensual enough to draw the man’s attention.   Instead of four inch pumps maybe one-inch pumps. Instead of a real short mini skirt maybe a skirt that stops maybe an inch above the knees.   Trust me, this will still get the man’s attention but at the same time he will not be as focused on simply physical gratification.   He will be more amenable to the woman’s emotional/spiritual traits.

             C. Attitude            

             We’ve all seen women who have great bodies and have something going on mentally.  Yet these women still have problems finding the Right Man and generating sexual chemistry.  For example, Susan has a great body and is very intelligent.   Men usually see her initially as a sex partner and then as a friend if they feel like dealing with her.   She’s never a Ms. Right despite what she has going for her.   The problem is that she has a poor attitude towards men.    She is very defensive towards men which shows in her tone of voice and body language.   Despite an initial attraction men are turned off by her mannerisms. 

            A woman’s attitude toward men is very important in generating sexual chemistry.   In a nutshell she needs to like men.  Many women despite wanting a man do not like men.    Many women are defensive as a result.    If a man approaches them their defensiveness will turn the man off.  Many men will not even approach.   

            Ladies, here’s a powerful secret in attracting the right man to you:  practice being receptive.    One of the biggest reasons why many women are not approached by men is that they are simply too defensive.  Some defensiveness is necessary as a protection against some of the less evolved men out there.  Sometimes though women are defensive in friendlier environments which may cause them to lose out on a good man because their body language tells a man to stay away.

            Even when the man and woman have sex a receptive attitude is needed.   If the woman is defensive she will not enjoy sex with the man.   During sex the woman is receiving from the man.   Her actions during sex should reflect this.   She should be like a placid lake that is being stirred by a storm.   She should allow the man to stir her up.   If she is defensive he will not be able to do his job and as a result she will tend to build up tension that will not be released by an orgasm.   One of the biggest reasons women don’t have orgasms is that they are too defensive as a result of their attitudes towards men.

            A woman looking for the Right Man needs to examine her attitude towards men.  A poor attitude will lead to poor sexual chemistry.


         

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Raw Game Remix: Blowing it with Mr. Right

3/8/2015

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         I wrote the following blog back in April 2014.   In this blog I first introduced the character of "Dexter Goodbar."   "Dexter" helps me to illustrate important points.   In this particular blog I talked about a reality that people see but don't publically acknowledge.   That reality is that many women will leave a good man but because they want to save face will not simply say, "I made a mistake."   Many women are invested in the idea of being strong and being right.  All they are really hurting is themselves.   I wish I had a dime every time a woman told me about a man from their past that they wished they had either got with, or had never left.   Of course they say this privately.   Many of the women who complain publically about a "shortage of good men" know they had one at one time and blew it through their own behavior.   Ironically the same "Patriarchy" that many women, particularly Feminists, complain about allows women to run from accountability for their actions.   It's easier to blame the man but in all cases there are two sides to a story.  

       In terms of Raw Game there is a ton of it in this blog.   Read this one with a third eye open. 

*********************

            Where are the good men?”  This is a universal question asked by millions of women.   Whether in the news media, social media, living rooms, beauty salons, or bars, women want to find the good men.   Men usually answer by saying, “I’m right here.”   Of course many women don’t agree with the men.  When you think about it there is a whole industry devoted to the concept that women have trouble finding “good men.”   There is another angle to this that is rarely discussed publically.   The angle is that many women will have a “good man” and leave the relationship.  

            Now understand where I’m coming from when I say women will leave a good man.   I’m not talking about a woman leaving some boring man or an abusive asshole, both of whom consider themselves good men.   I’m talking about women leaving men they consider to be Mr. Right.   The women will have a great relationship and think highly of their men.   The women will be happy.   There will be minor problems that come up because both parties are human but nothing that can’t be worked out.   Thing is, though the couple can be happy, there are outside forces that can destroy a good relationship.   Let me give y’all a scenario based on real-life conversations and experiences I’ve had with hundreds of women and scores of men.  

****************

            Freddy and Linda Doright have been married for five years with a young daughter.   Everything is good in their marriage for the most part.   They don’t have the same excitement they had while dating but they still have a good time together.    There are some things that could be improved.   Freddy could be a little more romantic in Linda’s eyes.   Instead of communicating this with him she talks with her girlfriends, Betty, April, and Doreen.   Her girlfriends are all single and have a tendency to bash men.   

            So they start getting in Linda's ear.  They magnify everything Freddy isn’t doing right.   After a few months, they collectively tell Linda, “girl you deserve better.”   Now Freddy is a hard worker, handsome, nice body, and committed to being a one-woman man.   The sex life is even good.   Yeah they could go out more but Linda never expresses her desire to do so.  Freddy thinks everything is cool.   

            After listening to her girlfriends, Linda starts holding back on sex and minor things become major arguments.   After one major argument she tells Freddy he needs to leave.   So Freddy moves out and now they are separated.    Her girlfriends come over to console her.  After a few weeks they come over to take her on a “girl’s night out.”   So they’re at the club having a good time and then HE walks up.  Dexter. Dexter Goodbar.   Six foot, handsome, almond eyes, muscular, a stylish dresser, with a sexy walk.   Linda and her girlfriends had been checking out Dexter as he erotically danced with a woman on the dance floor.  Dexter sees that he has been chosen and thus makes his move.

            Dexter starts spitting that smooth game with that sexy voice.   Getting Linda wet as he hits her with a verbal aphrodisiac and a piercing gaze.  Next thing you know Linda is going home with Dexter.  They get to his place and Linda says, “You know I usually don’t do this.”   Dexter looks at Linda, grabs her hand, pulls her to him and kisses her fiercely.   Next thing you know the clothes are off and Dexter is doing her.  Not just doing her but doing her…WELL.  Linda has several orgasms

            After a month of sex with Dexter, Linda decides to file for divorce.  She’s convinced she’s found her soulmate.   She files the papers and tells Dexter. 

            Linda:  I’ve filed for divorce from my husband.   We can be together now.

            Dexter:    Together?  Who told you it was like that?

            Linda:   We have something special together.  I want to be with you.

            Dexter:   You better get out of here with that shit.  I just wanted some pussy.   Don’t get me wrong, you suck a mean ass dick but my other women got skills too.

            Linda:  I thought I was the only one?

            Dexter:  I ain’t never tell you that.   You need to get your shit and go.

            Linda:   Just like that?

            Dexter:  Yeah just like that.

            Linda leaves Dexter’s place feeling depressed and humiliated.   She is consoled by her girlfriends, April and Doreen.   She thinks she made a mistake in filing for a divorce.   She thinks she should try to reconcile with Freddy.   While talking with April and Doreen, Linda asks about Betty.   They say that Betty has pulled away from them lately.  They are not sure what’s going on with her.   So where’s Betty?   Hmmmm.

          While Dexter had Linda’s ankles up by her head, Freddy was at his small place trying to make sense of everything.  All he was doing was going to work and coming home sleeping.  One day he is on a social media site and he gets a private message from Betty.  She asks how he is doing.    He said he’s making it.  Betty said it’s too bad what’s happened and that Freddy is a good man.    Ironically Betty was the main one telling Linda she needed to leave Freddy.   They message each other a few more times and then talk on the phone.   Betty calls him one day and asks if she can come over for a few minutes because his apartment is on the way to an appointment she has.    Freddy without thinking says, “Yeah sure.”

         A few hours later Freddy hears a knock on his door, when he answers it he sees a stunning sight.   Betty is standing at his door with a short black dress on that shows off her perky breasts, hugs her round ass, and showcases her shapely legs.   She has her hair done and some four inch heels.   On top of that she is holding a plate of food talking about Freddy would appreciate a home cooked meal.    Freddy takes the plate to the kitchen and when he gets back to the living room Betty has made herself at home on the couch.   Freddy sits on the couch with her.  Betty crosses her legs in Freddy’s direction revealing just enough thigh to make a normally reasonable man stupid.   Game over.

        Actually it was game over when she was standing at the door with the plate of food.

        A few weeks later Linda stops by to surprise Freddy and to talk about reconciling.   Linda gets the surprise though when Betty answers the door in a silk bathrobe.   In one moment Linda realizes she lost a good man.


********************
         This scenario is based on conversations I’ve had with the Freddy’s and Linda’s of the world.   I’ve had a WHOLE lot of conversations with the Betty’s of the world.   Scandalous women like and trust me for some reason.  It’s probably why I have a great understanding of women.  But I digress.  That’s another blog. 

         See many women will have a good man and not even know they have a good man.   Many women out here may excel at their careers and have a lot of book smarts but will lack street smarts.   Many women grow up sheltered and may not have any significant contact with men until they are young adults and out in the world.   They didn’t run the streets.   They weren’t going to parties.  Many went through high school without a boyfriend.  They were usually the awkward girls, the ugly ducklings, the late bloomers, the nerdy girls.   They weren’t the party girls who have been sexually active since the age of ten and who ironically enough know a good man because they have a lot of experience with the bad ones. 

           Many women will get married or in a relationship without having a lot of contact with men.   I don’t just mean sexual contact but contact period.  Many women don’t even have male friends or even male cousins around to truly learn about the male species.   So they really don’t have enough experience to know they got something good on their hands.   An old school player told me when I was a teenager that he would rather marry a woman who has been with thirty men than one who has been with only two.  His reasoning was that the woman who has been only two men would at some point get the urge to cheat because she would always wonder what she is missing out on.   Whereas the woman who had thirty men knows most men aren’t for her and would truly appreciate a good man.

             Only a true player understands that wisdom.   I learned the game from street cats and hustlers.  Men who could read a person better than a psychologist because their lives depended on it.   Keep in mind many Pimps end up marrying their top prostitute.

        In the scenario Linda’s marriage was wrecked by her “friends.”   Many women think the women they have around them have their best interest at heart.   Women are very competitive with each other and very bitchy.   Many women will sabotage their “friend’s” relationship because they hate to see another woman happy.  Jealousy is a beast.  Women will say they don’t have a lot of female friends for this reason.   

        Another factor is that you have women who have no problem going after the husband or boyfriend of one of their friends.  In fact, some women are so bad with this that you could introduce them a single man who has everything going for him but they will reject him.  Yet the man becomes desirable the second he’s seen with a woman.   Every single woman needs to take any advice about their man from another woman with a grain of salt.

           Then there’s the Dexter factor.   Most women don’t get a chance to get with that physically attractive man oozing sex appeal.  There are women who had good men who provided for them and satisfied them sexually.  The women would tell me they had good men and tell me how good they were.   Then all of sudden that smooth man with the big chest and soothing voice walks into the scene and it’s game over.   There is a sub-population of men who have that type of sex appeal.  Women meet these men and their common sense goes out the door.   Some women have enough sense to limit their interaction with a Dexter to a fling.   Many women however think there’s something more there and leave a good man thinking there’s a future with Dexter.  Of course they get their feelings hurt when they realize they were just a warm body to satisfy Dexter’s lustful nature.   A few women are lucky enough to get back with their men.   Most lose out because the Bettys swoop in to get that man.  

       Straight up, many women need to stop complaining about a shortage of good men.   Many women know they had a good man and they blew it by listening to their jealous girlfriends.   They know they blew something good because they wanted to chase Mr. Goodbar.  

        Someone without street smarts may question everything I wrote.   When I tell somebody something, or post something on a message board, or text somebody some deep knowledge I will often say, “Ask me how I know.”   There’s some women who knew me in the early nineties.   They worked in the adult entertainment industry.   If they see my picture on the internet or run into me they won’t call me Rom.   They’ll call me Dexter.

             





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Raw Game: The Choice

2/22/2015

5 Comments

 
            You know, I’m still in a good mood from last week.   I’m going to get my tax refund back so I can get an 80 inch HD TV and some new rims for my Chevy.   For real though the reason why the government gives away money through the Earned Income Credit (EIC) is to prime the economy during the non-holiday shopping season.  I won’t get into that though but every now and then my background in writing political commentary pops up and I just have to say something.  I digress.   Anyway my raw game blog from last week was a hit judging from the traffic and shares on social media, so since I’ll be able to go to a decent seafood restaurant once the refund check hits my back account I decided to share some more raw game.   I don’t have the money yet because I have a savings and a checking account and the way they are set up…

            Anyway I’m going to get into the most important thing a man needs to know about interactions between men and women.   Here’s a passage from my book Nice Guys and Players:

             One day, a friend of mine I’ll call Jim decided to tell me the secret of his success with women.  Jim attracted women like manure attracts flies.  Women would quite literally camp out on his front lawn to see him and it wasn’t even his house.  He lived with his mother until he got married.  Jim wasn’t rich.  He didn’t have his own car.  Jim would have women chase after him.  The irony was you could never call him a player.  I have known him since we were ten and I have never heard him use a pickup line with a woman.  Not once.  My success with women when I was young was never anywhere near his.  So one day, after I got him sufficiently drunk, Jim decided to tell me the secret of his success with women.  After he told me I asked, “That’s it?”  Jim replied, “Yeah, that’s it.  Gimme another beer.”  Just like that I knew the answer.  Of course it took me a couple of years to master the concept, but hopefully it will take you a couple of weeks.

            What’s the secret?  The secret is simple.  Women choose the men.   Sounds simple doesn’t it?  Well it is simple.  Remembering those four words will get you more dating choices than you can handle.  Mastering the concept behind those words will save you time, money, and heartbreak.  The only time you will be without companionship is when you don’t feel like being bothered.  Women, in most cases, know exactly what they want in a man.  They don’t always end up with the men they want, but they still know.  Women know who can turn them on and who cannot.  Many women have told me they can take one look at a man and know whether or not they will date him.  If a woman doesn’t choose a man there is nothing he can do to win her heart.  All the money, looks, prestige, charm, or power will not change her mind.

Pages 17 -19

*************

            Now I know some cats will read this passage and say “Duh.  This is basic stuff.   Where is the advanced game where a beautiful woman will fall for me if I give her a few lines?”  Actually it’s not basic because the overwhelming majority of men have not mastered the concept behind the statement, “women choose the men.”   They think they have but they haven’t.   Let me explain why I have come to this conclusion.

            Most men will say that women are the ultimate choosers.   They will say that women will make the FINAL decision.  What most men do is engage in actions to convince a woman to choose them.   So, many men chase women, they pursue them on the streets, in the clubs, and like all their photos on social media.  Every now and then they will catch the object of their desires.    So of course the men think that their “game” got the women.   Not really.  In most cases the woman had chosen them anyway and allowed the other things to play out.  Most women know they will have sex within an hour of meeting a man if he makes their vagina tingle.   At the same time most women will not share this information with the men and will sit back and enjoy the perks of dating such as gifts and dinners at seafood restaurants.   Another scenario is that many women will allow a man to spend money on her until a man she actually wants comes into the picture.

            Now the reality is that most men will do everything in their power to impress a particular woman and still fail miserably.   Some men will try to use their money and status.  Some men will hit on everything female in their environment.  Some men will play the “Good Man” game which is trying to show a woman that they are decent and responsible.   More than a few men will play the “Captain Sav’em” game where they rescue a woman financially.   Even handsome men will approach women thinking their looks will win the day.   All of these men fail miserably and what typically happens they grow increasingly bitter.  

            I lurk on a lot of forums, blogs, and message boards where men will complain about their lack of success with women.   The popular image of men who don’t do well with women are physically ugly men with weird habits who live in their parent’s basements.    The reality is that the overwhelming majority of perpetually single men are not basement dwelling, video game playing losers.   The majority of men who are constantly single and going through periods of involuntary celibacy are men with their own homes or at least apartments.  They have well-paying jobs and they may not rank as a Nine or Ten in the eyes of women but many will still rank as Sixes or Seven.   A few such men will rate as Eights.    Many such men have better than average body builds.   So what’s the problem?   They really don’t understand what it means when it is said that “women choose the men.”

            Most men have a tendency to chase after and indeed even obsess over women, WHO DO NOT WANT THEM.     Men will chase after a woman and when she isn’t interested they will think the woman has a problem or that “she only likes thugs.”  No she just isn’t feeling you bruh.   It’s nothing wrong.   Most men need to let go of that sense of entitlement.   A man can be 6’2” with a handsome face, buffed body, and a six figure salary and there are going to be some women who don’t want him.   That’s not the game.  That’s just life.   

            See in this culture many men see themselves as the superior sex.   As such, many men do not see women as terms of a complimentary partner but rather as a prize to be won.   This is where the concept of trophy wives come in.   So many men on a subconscious level see getting women as an acquisition that they must pursue.   Indeed the men who have withdrawn from chasing women only do so because in their minds they weren’t good at the game.   So on a deep level men believe that they can do something to MAKE a woman choose them.   Nature doesn’t work like that.  

            Here’s the Raw Game.

            The statement, “women choose the men” means that women make the INITIAL choice of a man.   A woman will see a man.  She will size him up in the first few minutes and place him in either the Select or Non-Select categories.   If she deems him Select he can potentially get the panties.  If she deems him Non-Select the best he can get is the friend zone.   Let’s be clear, being deemed Select doesn’t mean the man automatically means he gets sex.   He is only allowed the CHANCE to get sex.   For a numerous reasons the woman may decide she doesn’t want to sleep with the man.   Selectmen get friendzoned too.  A little known reality is that many women will limit their male friends to only those in Select category.   They will have zero dealings with Non-Select Men.

            So women make that initial choice.   Most women are not going to approach a man.  What women will do is put themselves in a position where the man will approach them.   The woman’s game is to draw a man’s attention to her.  She will look at him, she will smile at him, and she will wear sexy clothing, whatever it takes to attract the man she has chosen.   She will play the game of letting him think he’s the one who took the initiative.   Naw she’s the fisherman.   She may use a net or several fishing lines.   If she’s sexy she will catch a lot of men but she will throw back the ones she doesn’t want because they can’t fulfill her needs.

            See the true feminine nature is passive.   It wants to stay still.   The feminine nature is the earth, the ground.    It is the block of ice.   It’s just there.   The feminine nature wants to attract the masculine nature to do for it.   It is the earth that wants to be tilled.   It is the block of ice that wants to be melted.   The feminine needs the masculine to act on it.  Women are magnetic and men are electric.   A woman is the immovable object that wants to draw the irresistible force of a man.   Just not ANY man though.   A woman wants to draw a man who can meet HER specific needs.   She wants the man who take action on HER behalf.

            This is why a man can have everything going for him and still get rejected.   Contrary to popular belief all women don’t want a tall man.   Some women want a short man, some want a pudgy man.   All women have a preference.   Quiet as it kept many don’t want a big dick up in them.   Many women complain about a big dick hurting their pelvis bones because of the constant pounding.   Then again some women need a big dick man.   All women don’t want a man with money and status because such men are usually not very attentive to a woman’s needs.   Many women would rather deal with a modest income cat who can give them attention.   Many women don’t want a good looking man because they don’t to be around a man who looks better than them.  

            WOMEN CHOOSE MEN ACCORDING TO THEIR NEEDS.

            A man does not and cannot know a PARTICULAR woman’s needs.   So a man will come at a woman and present what he can do and it’s things she doesn’t need.   Of course the man becomes frustrated and feels like the woman has a problem.   You can’t force a woman to like or especially need you.   The real source of men’s frustration is that despite everything they do women are not choosing them.   So we get social media pages bashing women and calling them “thots.”   We get men who are withdrawing from the game.   We get men who are handsome with money who are still involuntarily celibate.    Now let’s look at the other side of the picture.   Let’s talk about the men who women routinely choose.

            I talk a lot about Mr. Goodbar.   I describe him generally as a man with a handsome face, nice body, and cool personality.   Many Mr. Goodbars are also known as Bad Boys.   The real key to their appeal to women is not their looks or even their personalities whether they are cool people or jerks.   The key to Mr. Goodbar is the internalization that “women choose the men.”   As a result of that internalization of those four words Mr. Goodbar does not CHASE women.   Many men are called Bad Boys not because they are criminals, or engaged in anti-social behavior.   One reason they are called Bad Boys is they don’t give a fuck.   Think real hard about what I’m about to say.

            The men who get the most attention from women, the ones who get the most sex, the ones who have actual harems, DO NOT CHASE women.   These men either get approached by women or in most cases women make it extremely easy for Mr. Goodbar to approach them.   If you look at a situation with a third eye opened you will see that the women seduced the men and not the other way around.   I’m strongly emphasize the next statements.

            IF A WOMAN CHOOSES A MAN SHE WILL ACTIVELY TRY TO SEDUCE HIM!!!  

            IF A WOMAN IS NOT TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU!!!

            A MAN DOES NOT NEED TO CHASE RANDOM WOMEN!!!

            A MAN ONLY NEEDS TO RECOGNIZE THE WOMEN WHO ARE TRYING TO SEDUCE HIM!!!

            A problem is that a lot of men do not want to hear that.   They want to go after who they want regardless of whether or not the woman wants him back.   So a man will approach 100 women in a month and fail miserably.   He then becomes bitter and gets on message boards and social media to complain about women going for thugs or that they are thots.  Meanwhile a man may recognize that in a year 30 women have chosen him and out of that 30, 10 of them are worth getting to know and out of that 5 become a part of his harem.  

            A man who truly understands that “women choose the men” has power.   He can CHOOSE who he wants to deal with.   A man chasing random women is putting the power in their hands.   Most men get played because they are chasing women who do not want them.  I cannot say that enough.

            Another thing is that once a man realizes the truth of a woman’s choice he can be FREE.   Most men react to women.   Most men get money and status to get women.   Most men work on their appearance to get women.   Most men behave as “Good Men,” “White Knights,” and “Captain Sav’ems” to get women.  Most men withdraw from the game because they failed at getting women.   Once a man internalizes that “women choose the men” he stops trying to impress women.   He is able to be authentic and true to himself.  He doesn’t have to wear a mask.  He doesn’t have to learn game.  He can truly be himself.   His message is “take me as I am or don’t take me.”   Now this doesn’t mean he can’t make money and improve his appearance and his social skills.   It just means he’s doing it for his OWN personal evolution and experience of life.   Here’s the thing.   Women more than anything are attracted to authentic men.   The masks may draw their attention but the man’s true spirit is what hooks the female heart.   A man who is authentic finds that the women who will consistently choose him will be the ones who can support him in HIS life mission.   Let me leave you with something to think about.  

            A WOMAN WILL CHOOSE A MAN ACCORDING TO HER NEEDS BUT ONE OF HER NEEDS  IS TO SUPPORT THE MAN OF HER CHOOSING.

*Drops Mic*

           

 

 

5 Comments

No Incentive to be a Good Man

12/14/2014

6 Comments

 
            I’m going to share a major frustration I’ve had over the years.   I’ve been writing books and conducting seminars on male/female relationships since 1997.   Even though I’ve written some things for women my main focus has been on self-development for men.   I’ve done books, seminars, and one-on-one coaching with hundreds of men from teenagers to even a few old enough to be my father.   My main theme is simply standing up and being a good, responsible, honorable man.   As I say in my books, a Real Man.   Sounds good in theory.   The men for their part are willing to listen because most of the men I have talked to have been generally good guys.  Even the players I’ve talked to had generally good character traits.   There’s a big problem.  I can write and tell men to be Good Men until my chocolate skin turns blue.  A big problem is that it doesn’t seem like the Good Men are winning as far as getting women.

            Let’s be raw about it.   The Bad Boys are winning the sexy woman sweepstakes.   Even the Plain Janes are jumping over the Good Men in order to be in the rotation for the Bad Boys.   I know this not from the men but from what WOMEN are telling me.  I’m not exaggerating when I’ve said I’ve talked with thousands of women.   Through seminars, and book signings I’ve met women who have told me all their business.   Even on day jobs including sales jobs I’ve talked with a lot of women.   Women in general say they want a monogamous Good Man but the men they have the vagina tingles for are the womanizing players.   A woman can have five single and available Good Men interested in her but she is willing to be the side piece for the married Bad Boy.       Publically this same woman will go to seminars or on national TV and complain about the shortage of Good Men.  

            This is where the problem starts.  The woman may think she’s being slick and discreet with her married Bad Boy.   That Bad Boy though isn’t being discreet.   I want the women in particular who read this blog to understand one very important thing.  No matter how discreet a woman think she is being she is still dealing with a man who is not being discreet.   That man is going to tell SOMEBODY his business.   I know women who can keep things quiet.   Women are slicker than men when it comes to cheating.   Men though are going to tell somebody even it’s just his homie.   Thing is the homie is going to tell somebody else.   You got all these men dry snitching on themselves to the point where it WILL get back to the Good Men.   So the Good Man wonders why women are not trying to get at them but are spreading their legs wide open for a Bad Boy.  

            Let me share a scenario that many Good Men have shared with me over the years.  The story is always the same.  A Good Man will have a romantic interest in a woman and start dating her.   She may kiss him but they will not be sexually intimate.  She will come up with several reasons why they can’t have sex yet.   Some are religious, some have to do with “90 day rules,” and most often the woman will say she has to get to know the man.   The man, being good, will respect her wishes and think he has a good woman.   One way or the other the Good Man finds out that this woman who he was respecting has been having sex with another man.   The worst scenario is when a man catches who he thought to be his woman with another man in a sexually intimate situation.   One account that was shared with me is when this man as a college student was dealing with a fellow student.   He thought she was beautiful and nice, a good girl.   He respected her desire to wait for sex.   Yeah.   His heart was broken when she walked into a room at a party and saw her with four men.   She was sucking one man’s dick while another was doing her doggy style.   The other two men were waiting their turns.

            Here’s my thing.  Good Men really have little incentive to be good.   Men do what they do because they are motivated by the desire for sex.   I’ve always said that you can kill a man’s desire to achieve anything in his life if you convince him that no matter what he does, he will not get sex from a woman.   Men are booty-motivated.   Men create because of a desire to impress women in order to get sex.   Men want that reward.   That’s why so many men are dropping out of society.   They tried to do the right things but they weren’t rewarded.   It’s something that goes back to their teenage years.

            There are many teenage boys who study hard, go to church, help in the community, and stay out of trouble.   Those things don’t seem to impress the young girls.   If the teenage boy is deemed very cute he may still get some play.   The average boy though is just that, average.   The average male will not look good physically until his thirties.  If you look at a lot of male Hollywood sex symbols they were geeky as teenagers.   By the time a man has reached his thirties he has put some muscle on his frame or maybe lost some baby fat.  Weight loss or muscle gain affects a man’s facial structure which can make him more handsome.   In addition by his thirties the average man will be into his career and thus he will walk and talk with more confidence.  

            Now some men will become more handsome and confident but many more will just continue the pattern that was established when they were teenagers.   No matter what good qualities they have or develop, they will see young girls throw themselves at a Bad Boy for no other real than he has a cute dimpled smile.   The Bad Boy’s secret is not his personality despite what people think.  Bad Boys get attention because of his face and/or body build.   I have never in my life encountered an overweight, and ugly Bad Boy.   An ugly male with Bad Boy traits is called a creep by women.

            Many boys and young men see the handwriting on the wall.   That the reason why a lot of young boys, especially in the Black community, do not do well in school.   They don’t see the boys who are excelling academically getting the girls.   They don’t see the boys who are volunteering at church getting the girls.   They don’t see the boys who aren’t sagging their pants, and don’t have a bunch of tattoos winning with the girls.   Somebody can make the argument that there are good boys who do win but is it because these boys are “good” or because they are very cute?  

            Even as adults it’s hard to tell men to be honorable and responsible when it doesn’t seem apparent that this works with women.   Once again this isn’t coming from the men.   When women talk about a particular man with me it is EXTREMELY rare that she talks about his character traits.   Usually they are talking about his looks or his sex appeal.   This is coming not only from young girls but from women old enough to be my mother.   So for me that’s women in their sixties and seventies still picking men the same way they picked when they were teenagers.   

            I’ve mentioned this in a blog before and it bears being mentioned again.   Before I wrote my first relationship book both men and women used to ask me to teach them how to be a dog.   When I was younger I was very emotionally distant.   It used to stimulate that sense of longing that turns many women on sexually.   It was hard for me to tell a man that he needed to have good character traits when he saw me getting attention from a woman by being cold and distant.  Men out here are doing all the things women say they want in man.  The secret is that women want these good character traits in a man they deem to be sexually attractive.   The women in the forums and on social media are only talking about fifteen percent of the male population.   The average man sees this and comes to resent the select men and the women who love them.  

            Many men are asking, “What the point?”   For most men there is no incentive to be a Good Man.

           

6 Comments

That Street Harassment Thing

11/9/2014

4 Comments

 
            Social media has been abuzz lately over the video of the young woman walking through the streets of New York and getting catcalled over 100 times.   At least that’s what we’re told since apparently there was some selective editing done.   Once again the subject of street harassment has been brought front and center for people to express to moral outrage over.   Me being me I have looked at the issue and want to share my perspective.

            The main issue with street harassment is NOT that it happens.   The real issue is that women are being harassed are getting attention from men that they do not find ATTRACTIVE.   If one pays attention to the commentators and videos complaining about harassment the main issue is that women are getting UNWANTED attention from CERTAIN men.    I don’t say this lightly.   When I speak I do so based on actual life experiences.   Let me share some things.

            Back in the nineties when I worked in downtown Washington, DC, I used to meet women in the streets a lot.   A whole lot.   I got phone numbers, dates, and sex from women I met initially on the street.   Even in my books I talk about how to meet women on the street.   Now to be clear the way I met women was decidedly different from walking up to a woman saying “hey beautiful,” or even “hello.”    I used to meet to women at either bus stops or subway stations.   Often a woman would strike up a conversation with me while sitting next to me on the bus or train.  Another scenario that happened a lot is that women would simply say “hello” or otherwise just start conversations while I was walking down the street minding my own business.   Even to this day an occasional woman will see me on the street or especially in a mall and say “smile.”   I keep a serious look on my face most of the time.

            It was extremely rare that I initiated a conversation with a woman on the street.   One time I did was in the nineties when I worked near the White House.   I’ll call the woman Celia.   She was tall, about 5’10”, had a pretty face, and big shapely legs.  Shapely legs drive me crazy.   She could literally cause accidents.   It was of the rare times I used real game to connect to a woman.   I was walking by the bus stop when I saw her and I walked past her without saying anything.   I didn’t even looked back.   I just looked at my watch and noted what time she was at the bus stop.   The next day she was there again and I still didn’t say anything.   A few more days went like this.   After a couple of days I walked by and just said “hey” and she responded by saying “hi” and we left it at that.   After a few days of this I stopped and said, “We always say hi to each other.   We should at least know each other’s name.”   We exchanged names.   A few days later phone numbers.  Maybe a month or so later we went out on a date. 

            Now someone may say why I took my time with her.   One I read the situation.  The reason she was at that particular bus stop was that she was constantly getting harassed at the bus stop that was closer to her job.   She was pretty and built like a brickhouse.   The combination is a magnet for catcalling.   I knew that men were constantly hitting on her.  By walking past her without saying anything I did several things.  The most important thing I did was set myself apart from other men.   Then by walking past her I allowed her to get used to my face and to give her a chance to choose me.   I knew she chose me when she would smile when she saw me coming.   Also a very important factor was that I always had on a suit when I walked past her.   This brings me back to a point I mentioned at the beginning of this blog:  The main issue with street harassment is UNWANTED attention from CERTAIN men.

            People who follow my blog and have read my work know I divide the male population into four major categories in terms how women see them.  Two of the categories are select meaning that women will seek them out for relationships.   Two of the categories are non-select in that women generally do not seek them out for relationships.   The two select categories are Mr. Goodbar and the Masked Men.   Goodbars are select for the most part because women find them very good looking.  There are a few exceptions.   Masked Men are men that LOOK successful.   The two non-select categories are the Nice Guys and the Gamesmen.   Nice Guys lack the looks or look of success that will turn a woman on sexually.   The Gamesmen are in the same boat.   Each group of men will interact differently with women on the street.

            Goodbars RARELY say anything to women on the street.    A man in the Goodbar category typically gets harassed by WOMEN in the streets.   Some women are extremely aggressive when they see a man they find physically or sexually attractive.  Ask me how I know.   Goodbars also have to be concerned with gay men hitting on them.    The average Goodbar will ignore all but the most physically attractive women when he is out and about.

            Masked Men are not going to be inclined to say anything to women on the street.   Masked Men are successful men and as a result tend to be elitist.   In the eyes of men commenting on the street harassment issue on social media, blogs, and websites, most of the women complaining are average looking at best.   Masked Men want trophy women.   It’s very rare a successful man will be seen walking around with anything less than a woman who looks a fashion model.   If a Masked Man is even on the street they will about business and will generally ignore most of the women around them.  

            Nice Guys are generally not going to say anything to women on the street.   Nice Guys as a group are not that aggressive.   They will generally be too shy to approach.   At most they may look, but the average woman wouldn’t feel threatened.   Nice Guys are the invisible men of the dating world.   Women simply don’t see them.

            Now those Gamesmen.   Any real discussion about street harassment has to focus on them.   Every single man I have seen in a street harassment video has been a Gamesmen.   I can tell this even in cases where the faces are blurred.   Goodbars will tend to have superior body builds.   Masked Men will be dressed well.   Nice Guys will be dressed plainly.   Now please understand what I mean when say Gamesman.   The Gamesman is non-select.   He doesn’t have the looks or the money to attract women.   He would normally be invisible to women like the Nice Guy except for one key factor:  he is aggressive.   At some point in his life the Gamesman realized that the only way he was going to fulfill his sexual needs was by being aggressive in his dealings with women.   Formally or informally he had to learn some game.   One aspect of that game is to approach as many women as possible.

            Most women are going to reject the Gamesman.   He knows that and is quite frankly cool with that scenario.   The Gamesman if nothing else has a thick skin.   It’s part of the game.   Here’s the thing.   Say a Gamesman says hi to twenty five women in a single day.   Twenty Two of them are annoyed beyond belief and will complain about being harassed.   Two of the women will engage him because it’s easier and some women do like the game.   One woman will give him her phone number because the Gamesman may be the only man to show her any attention.   Guess what.   Twenty four women rejected the Gamesman but in his eyes he wins because one gave him her number.   The Gamesman repeats this process for a month and he will end up with five to ten serious prospects.   There are Goodbars and Masked Men who don’t have that many prospects in a month.

            Gamesmen are going to keep talking to women in the street because in their eyes it works.  Bottom line.    Now there are extreme cases where a woman’s life can be in danger.   People will say we have to criminalize street harassment for that reason.   Okay let’s say we criminalize it.   Has criminalizing rape which is a way worst crime stopped it?   Has criminalizing child molestation stopped it?   Even if street harassment was criminalized, which incidentally some of it is anyway as touching somebody can be considered an assault, would that stop it?   A man has more to gain than to lose by hitting on women in the street.   Even if the laws are on the books how often would they be enforced?   Say a woman feels harassed, she calls the police, and goes back to the spot and finds the man she feels harassed her.   Without witnesses or a cell phone recording it’s just one person’s word against another.   Police will not be inclined to arrest someone without evidence that a crime has been committed.  Also the possibility exists that someone could be falsely accused of harassment.   The accused could charge the accuser with slander and maybe libel as well.   As someone with experience in the court system, I can say that prosecutors will not want to be bothered with these types of cases.  

            Now to be clear I’m not saying just ignore street harassment.   I personally believe that men should limit who they talk to on the street anyway.   If a woman isn’t giving a man a blatant invitation such as a smile or she initiates the conversation he should just leave her alone.   Too many men are gassing up the heads of basic women and it really isn’t worth the trouble.   That’s what men need to do.   Women on the other hand need to examine their own actions in encouraging street harassment.  I don’t mean in terms of how they dress.  Women need to look at their selection criteria.   Boys evolve into Gamesmen because they no longer want to be invisible.   The only way for them not to be invisible is for women to change their criteria.

            Now I know women feel justified in wanting what they want.   Many women feel entitled to have that pretty boy or bad boy with the killer body.  Women feel entitled to successful men.   What I have seen over the years are attempts to shame men into engaging with less than desirable women.   One thing is shaming men into dating fat women.   Even though there are men who are genuinely attracted to larger women most really are not.   This is especially the case with Goodbars and Masked Men.   Yet many women feel like a man should want a less than desirable woman.   Friends and family will say, “She’s so nice though.”   Many men can attest to feeling this type of pressure.   Let’s turn this around.  There’s no real pressure on a woman to take a less than desirable man.   The complaints about the “shortage of good men” is really about the shortage of desirable men.   The largest category of men are the Gamesmen.    If women gave Gamesmen that same opportunity that they want Goodbars and Masked Men to give basic women I guarantee the incidents of street harassment would go down immensely.   All these men really want is a loving relationship.   Most of them are good loyal men.   No they not fine nor are they likely to become millionaires.   At the same time the women rejecting them are not fine nor are likely to be millionaires.      In many ways women are rejecting men who are their matches.

            Now let me be VERY clear.  I’m not saying women need to respond to men on the street.   Women do need to pay more attention to men in more proper venues such as churches, gatherings, cultural festivals, or wherever men and women gather.   Another good way is good old fashioned personal introductions.   If a man should give unattractive woman a chance, a woman should do the same.   Sometimes people find diamonds in the rough. 

            The only way to truly deal with street harassment is to change the relationship culture as it exists now.   Anything else is simply a waste of time and energy.

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The Masked Man and His Choices

9/7/2014

10 Comments

 
            The Masked Man is very desired by women.   They see a handsome, successful man who is a great catch.   He doesn’t have the raw sex appeal of Mr. Goodbar but that’s okay.  The woman has had her fun times with the pretty boys, bad boys, and hot boys.   The sex was hot but these men didn’t have anything else to offer.   The woman has a child from the deadbeat with the pretty eyes and smile.   The child is cute and all but also has an appetite.  Many women learn the hard way that that the man who got that good dick doesn’t always translate to a man who’s going to be a good provider or parent.   So the woman’s needs change and I talk about this in my book, Nice Guys and Players:

            Ultimately, what it boils down to is that women choose men according to their needs.  If a woman needs a man who is going to give her attention he is the type of man she will choose.  An insecure woman chooses a man who can make her feel secure.  Women seeking excitement look for men who can provide it.  Nurturing women find men they can nurture.  Women don’t choose men simply because they look good or are confident or aggressive.  They choose men because of some need that has to be satisfied.  Needs dictate desires.  Women will always choose men according to their needs.

Nice Guys and Players Page 52

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            Many women get to the point where they desire the Masked Men because they need someone who can provide resources and also has some level of sex appeal.   Also many women want a man who looks good to their peers.   I’ve always said that a man has to not only appeal to a particular woman but her girlfriends as well.   Yet another future blog.  

            Now there’s an issue with a woman’s desire for a Masked Man.  The issue is that Masked Men in general are not cooperating with the desires of women.   The woman may see a successful man who is a good catch.  She may see a way out of her drab nine to five existence.   She may see a good stepfather to her gang of kids by different bad boys.   She may simply see a genuinely good man.   The Masked Man on the other hand sees a hot mess.

            When Masked Men look at most women they don’t see smart, beautiful, and sexy women who they should be happy to have in their lives.   They see average looking women at best who could stand to lose some weight.   When they see women with a gang of kids they see a person who made some bad choices in men.   Even if the woman is a career woman they see someone who is not in touch with their feminine sex appeal.   Mainly Masked Men will see a woman with a lot of emotional baggage and very, very, very few men want to sign up for that.  

            Now there are many forces in the world that try to SHAME a Masked Man into loving a woman regardless of her issues.   There are memes floating around the internet suggesting that a man, to be a real man, needs to accept a woman regardless of what she brings to the table.   If she is overweight, the real man needs to accept her and find her attractive.  If she has kids by multiple men the real man needs to take responsibility and raise the kids that he didn’t help create.   If she has a bad attitude, the real man needs to accept her moods. I guess a real man needs to accept whatever is thrown his way in order to satisfy the delusions of women who have made some unfortunate choices in life.

            In reality, a real man is going to live by his will and not follow the dictates of people who don’t fuck, finance, or feed him.  

            To understand why a Masked Man will reject many women it’s important to understand the price of success.  Masked Men are in the position they are in because of hard work.   If they are making six and seven figures they had to put in the work.  See in this society we are used to seeing instant millionaires.   A kid coming out of high school can become a millionaire overnight by signing a contract to play a sport.   A kid with a great singing voice can win a competition and become an overnight sensation.   An actor can land a role that makes him a household name.   The thing is we don’t see the work the athlete or the entertainer had to put into their craft in order to be successful.   We see the end result but not the work.  It’s the same thing with the Masked Man.

            People see the handsome face, the muscular body, and the late model car.   The see the man walking with confidence.   What people don’t see is the hours working on grooming.   People weren’t there when the man was spending hours in the gym.   People see the fine clothes, cars, and houses but they don’t see the work the man had to do to get to that point.   This is especially the case if the man made his fortune as an entrepreneur.  

            Here’s the thing.   When men get to point of making six and seven figures they didn’t do so through a regular nine to five job.   A significant portion of Masked Men are entrepreneurs.   The life of an entrepreneur is not easy.   Many very successful men will tell stories of sleeping on air mattresses, or eating maybe one meal a day, of making sacrifices to get where they are.  It’s not an easy life.   Many will struggle for years to make a business work.   Some may give up and find a regular job even though this will slowly kill their spirits.  Many men will make their goals and live their dreams.   Now here’s the thing, when many men make it to the promise land, they don’t have a woman with whom to share their victory.   Let me share a rarely talked about reality.

            Many of these men who become millionaires were not considered Mr. Goodbar by the girls and women growing up.   They didn’t have that raw sex appeal to turn on women.  A few may have been lucky to get attention from women every now and then.  A few may even get married to some woman who quite frankly is still pining for Mr. Goodbar.  They end up getting divorced anyway.    Most entrepreneurs go through their hard years without a supportive woman.   Indeed many women will reject these men because they didn’t have money to spend on dates.   Typically the men didn’t have that thing called Game to offset the lack of sex appeal and money.   The men are going through constant rejection and quite frankly the only thing keeping them going is working on their dreams.

            Now when Masked Men arrives in the promised land of success an interesting thing happens.   All of sudden women find them attractive.  Indeed many women who had rejected the man in the past will approach him talking about how they always thought, “He was cute.”   Of course these women will not be as sexy as they once were and will have a one or two bad ass kids.   The woman will talk about rekindling something that never really was to begin with and the man will look at her like she’s crazy.

            A  Masked Man has done all the heavy lifting at that point.   He is at a point where he can reject women because they are coming at him because his money has turned him into an image of Mr. Goodbar.   At this point the only women the Masked Man will only deal with is the most sexually attractive women.   The reason is that at that point he doesn’t need a woman for anything else.   Think about it.  What can a woman offer a successful man?   He doesn’t need her counsel or support.   He made it without her.   If he wants children he can find a childless woman and doesn’t have to be bothered with a woman who already has kids.   He doesn’t need her money which she likely has from a nine to five job.  Even if she makes a high salary or is an entrepreneur herself he doesn’t need her resources.  He really isn’t going to care about them.

            Understand that Masked Men see most women as not bringing anything substantial to the table.  When men who are either successful or on the path to success get together to talk on social media, message boards, or in person the topic of conversation will often turn to women.   Two primary things will be discussed.   One a particular woman’s level of sex appeal.  Two, and this is very specific to successful men, what the woman brings to the table.   The sex appeal piece is obvious.   The Masked Man wants to know what the woman is adding to his life.   Women may think they have it going on but the man sees something different.   What he sees in many cases is a woman who is asking for a lot and putting a big burden on the man but is not really giving anything in return.   For a Masked Man a woman needs to at least be sexy.   Many women are approaching Masked Men lacking sex appeal.   Then the women have a carload of emotional baggage they are bringing with them.   And they are asking the Masked Man to make everything okay.   The Masked Man has zero incentive to deal with that type of drama.  

            Bottom line the Masked Man has worked hard to be where he is in life.   He had to be a hard worker and smart.   He has earned the right to make the choices he does as far as female companionship.  All the memes and shaming tactics in the world will not change that.   The Masked Man got to where he is by exercising some willpower.   The will is about the ability to make choices in order to enhance one’s own existence.  The Masked Man will make choices that benefit him and not other people who want to latch on to his success.

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The Reality of Chasing Mr. Goodbar

8/24/2014

0 Comments

 
            In my writings and blogs I paint a relatively benign picture of Mr. Goodbar.  I’m also writing about him from a male and personal point of view.   There is a dark side to Mr. Goodbar that many women have and will experience.   This dark side is more the reality than a happily ever after ending.   Many women may chase Mr. Goodbar but only a few will end up with him.  Most women will get hurt, dogged, and quite frankly emotionally damaged for the rest of their lives.   This isn’t a romance novel where the heroine wins the love of the Alpha Hunk.   The reality is a woman crying by herself, or with girlfriends wondering why Goodbar won’t return her texts.

            This is what I see out here as far as sexual dynamics.   Women are complaining about a shortage of “good men.”   Yet when challenged these women admit to having good men who are interested in them.  Some of these women are even married to a good man.   The women should really just say that they are looking for a man who deliver what a mentor of mine calls “Romantic Intoxication.”   

            Romantic Intoxication is the state of euphoria a woman feels when she is “in love.”   This euphoria comes from a combination of lust and the hormones women release when they really feel good.   Many mistake these feelings for love when it is really no different from a man giving a woman a highly potent drug.   Women don’t really love the man but rather the feeling they get from being with the man.   If women could get the same euphoric feeling from hugging a pumpkin, we would see books and movies with titles like “Addicted to Pumpkin” and “Fifty Shades of Pumpkin.”   Mr. Goodbar’s real secret is that he is skilled at inducing a state of euphoria in women.   That’s it.   Women place men into different categories according to their ability to romantically intoxicate.  

            Mr. Goodbar is at the top of pyramid because of his combination of looks, personality, and sex appeal.   His greatest skill, however, is that he has a highly developed understanding of women.  I devote a couple of chapters to this in my book, Nice Guys and Players, the chapters are called “An Understanding of Women,” and “Sexual Chemistry.”   A man can improve his success with women just from reading those chapters.    Anyway, Mr. Goodbar is like a piece of chocolate or an ice cream sundae.  Women want to indulge as much as possible.

            The Masked Man doesn’t deliver the same level of intoxication based on looks and raw sex appeal.  Masked Men may look good but because they are successful they tend to be more focused on making their money which means they are more serious minded.  Serious minded men are not going to approach a woman whispering sweet nothings and promising a good time.   Women tend to be attracted to Masked Men because of their money and stability.   Mr. Goodbar may be sexy and all but many are also living in their mother’s basement and men who are caught up in having sex with a lot of women tend not to be as focused on making a lot of money.   There are exceptions but many Mr. Goodbars are just sexual playthings for many women.   When women want grown men they tend to go for the Masked Men.   That’s a whole other set of issues I’ll get into with another blog.

            Gamesmen and Nice Guys are non-select because they don’t give women that state of euphoria.   That’s why women can be around a man who wants them, adores them, and has real love for them and they will put the men into the dreaded friend zone.   Some women may still deal with non-select men for lack of better options but will treat these men poorly.   These men usually get dropped or cheated on as soon as Mr. Goodbar returns the text.   Yet another blog. 

            Now I’ve observed that many women have no problem chasing Mr. Goodbar.  Some will even argue that they are entitled to having these sexy men.    What’s not being talked about how Mr. Goodbar truly views these women.  This shit gets deep when you think about it.  A woman will cheat on her hardworking, devoted, nice man with Mr. Goodbar and then have the nerve to justify it.   Her girlfriends will support her choices.   I’ve seen cases where even her husband will support her.  Now the woman is all happy.  She’s having her multiple orgasms, walking around fully in that state of romantic intoxication.   All of sudden, she gets real sad.   Mr. Goodbar has moved on to greener, and quite frankly, slimmer pastures.   The woman is distraught, maybe on suicide watch as her girlfriends (and sometimes husband) try to console her.   Mr. Goodbar on the other hand simply doesn’t give a fuck.

            Here’s the reality of Mr. Goodbar.   He has so many women chasing him, offering him sex and money, making it easy for him to the point that he can be deal with women on his terms.   The most common scenario is that when Mr. Goodbar tires of a woman he dismisses her.  Kind of like a maid.   If he is relatively nice he may tell her.  Most just stop calling or texting.    MOST women cannot hold Goodbar’s attention.  

            One major issue I see in this culture’s sexual dynamics is that most women feel like they are more sexually desirable than they actually are.   Women feel like if they are in halfway decent shape, have a decent face, nice clothes, and some material things that they should get the top shelf men.   Really their heads have been gassed by Gamesmen and Nice Guys.   Mr. Goodbar really sees average looking women as merely physical gratification, a mere notch above masturbation.  

            Many women for whatever reason don’t get the concept that men can be picky too.   I see these TV specials and articles with women talking about how wonderful they are and how come men can’t see this.  The irony is that some men do see how wonderful they are but women put these men into the friend zone.   Mr. Goodbar has all types of women coming at him.   He can afford to be picky.   Like any normal heterosexual man he is going to be moved by the woman who can get his dick the hardest.   So if he has a choice between the pretty fitness chick with the flat stomach and “dat ass” and the Plain Jane with twenty extra pounds around her stomach who do you think he is going to choose?   Keep in mind that beautiful women with great bodies want to feel that euphoria as well as any woman.  Indeed they will feel it more because they are in better shape.

            Oops I just gave away a great game secret. 

            Some women know this so when they deal with Goodbar they know they have to make it easier.   A Plain Jane knows that she can’t insist on Goodbar taking her on an expensive date because he has zero incentive to do so.   She may have to tell him straight up she’ll suck his dick or pay his way on the date.  Some may buy Goodbar some clothes or let him drive their cars.   Plain Janes are at the mercy of Goodbar.   A few may have to allow Goodbar to do things sexually with them that they would slap another man for even thinking about.   Even with all of that Goodbar will still come and goes as he pleases.   The number of women in arrangements like this is actually quite high.    

            There are many women who initiate divorce from their good men in order to get with Goodbar.   Then they end up getting their hearts broken when Goodbar dogs them out.  The lucky ones get to go back to their husbands.   The rest get screwed because their husbands have enough self-respect to kick them to the curb.

            Women really need to think about their choices.   Now some women get mad when a man tells them they need to look at their choices.  I say this though.  Women don’t have to heed what myself or any other man says.    Go ahead and do you.   See understand that men have a selection criteria as well.   The top thing on that criteria is physical appearance.   The second thing is personality.   The only thing that might make a man relax his physical requirements is a great personality and that’s usually only the case when the man is more emotionally mature.   Even those mature men still like “dat ass.”   But I digress.

            The reality of Mr. Goodbar is that MOST women will never have a shot at him.   He’s a fantasy figure.  The only women who have any sort of chance of winning Mr. Goodbar are the most physically attractive women.   And that’s usually when Goodbar is older and ready to settle down.   See the movies, romance novels, and comedians turned relationship experts got most women thinking they have a chance.   Even the women who do get with Mr. Goodbar are likely to have their feelings hurt and will deal with the repercussions for the rest of their lives.   A few women may even take their own lives.  

            Women have to let go of romantic illusions and start facing reality.

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The Good Man Shortage - The Real Deal

5/18/2014

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            “Where are all the good men?”  “The good ones are either married, gay, or in prison.”  “The good ones have ten women each.”   One of the most consistent themes in the relationship discussions is the shortage of good men.  A whole industry has developed around this theme.   Although it is most discussed within African-American circles, it is a universal theme wherever Western culture is present.   For women the issue is that they can’t find a good man.   For men the issue is how come women pass over good men who are right in front of them.  

            When men hear the term, “good man” they think in terms of hardworking men, who are decent, good citizens who would treat women with kindness.   They are thinking in terms of character traits.   Indeed when women publically discuss “good men” they too will speak in terms of character traits.   Depending on the social class the definition may include being gainfully employed or having a college degree.   There’s a problem with all of this.   If a “good man” is someone with good character traits as well gainfully employed and educated there shouldn’t be too many complaints from women.   There are millions of single, never-married, employed, educated, and heterosexual men out there.   Women seem to look past these men.  Now many men believe that women don’t know a good man when they see one.   I strongly disagree.  Women ALWAYS know a good man when they see one.   The issue is the true definition of a “good man.”  

            In my last blog, “The True Player’s Secret,” I discussed the difference between a woman’s social needs and her sexual needs.   A woman’s social needs and sexual needs often contradict each other especially in a culture that works to suppress a woman’s sexuality.    When women talk about a “shortage of good men” they don’t mean in a social sense.   There are plenty of available men who women consider socially good.   Women don’t consider these men good in a sexual sense.   “Good man” is really womanese for “good-looking,” “sexy as fuck,” “damn he fine,” and “he could get it.”   When women complain about a shortage of good men they are simply talking about men who can turn them on sexually.

            Most men are very honest in the sense that they say publically they want good looking and sexy women.  Even men who identify themselves as nice guys will say they want, and even in some cases feel entitled to, sexy women.   Too me it’s stupid to believe that women are not the same way.   I consistently hear men and less than honest women say that women don’t care as much about looks.   I’ve even said it in moments of delusion.    Women care very much about looks because they are sexually turned on by men’s looks.   Yes women will have sex with unattractive men but it’s usually for the same reasons a man will have sex with an unattractive women.   Sometimes people just need some.    By nature women are always LOOKING to be aroused by men.   When women check out a man it’s not because they are necessarily interested in him.   They are looking for a sexual spark.   It is often said that a woman makes a determination about a man within the first few minutes of meeting him.   That determination is not based on the man’s character traits or his financial portfolio.   The determination is based on the man’s face, body, dick print, voice, smell, and body language.  If the woman feels a sexual spark she may give the man a chance to proceed further.  If she doesn’t she keeps walking.

            When a woman looks at a man with her sexual face she is subconsciously thinking two things: potential father of her children and a very pleasurable sexual experience.  Consider a quote from my book, Sexual Chemistry:

            Men do many things to attract the attention of women.   They flash money, tell lies, and even try to intimidate women into going out with them.   If, however, one were to strip away everything else, a woman’s primary attraction to a man is not going to be based on things such as money, status, or even personality.  The attraction will be primal.   The men women will go for, indeed throw themselves at are the ones who are the most healthy and appear to be the strongest.   It’s really no different from female animals that only mate with the healthiest and strongest males in order to have the strongest offspring.  Of course, other factors come into play with regard to humans but that primal dynamic underlies everything.   Women, at a primal level, are looking for a man with the best genes to father their children.  The men perceived as having the best genes will arouse women the most.   No matter how sophisticated we get, no matter how many books we read, no matter our spiritual or political beliefs, women are looking for the healthiest male with the best genetic material.  

Sexual Chemistry pp. 69 -70

 **************

           People often talk about alpha males.   See women in general want alpha males but not social alpha males.   There are plenty of men who are socially confident, successful, and are leaders.   Many of these men either have trouble finding women, are partnered with unattractive women, engage in alternative sexual lifestyles, or frequently pay for sex.   Sex tourism or paying for a dominatrix isn’t cheap.  According to the prevailing wisdom these men should be at the top of the sexual pecking order but they are not.  They are social alpha males but women don’t want them.  Women get that tingle in their vaginas when they run into sexual alpha males.

         Most sexual alpha males are not successful captains of industry.   Many sexual alpha males come from poor and working class environments.   This is why there is the belief that women only want bad boys or thugs.   It’s not so much that these men are actually thugs but more of a perception based on class differences.  Many men who self-identify as nice guys or good men have middle class backgrounds and attitudes or at least have adopted them.  There is a tendency to look down on men from poorer backgrounds.   The middle class nice guys will wonder why women are going crazy over men from the underclass.  It has nothing to do with the attitudes or behaviors.   It’s about the physical nature of these men.   An upper class man with the same physical body and presence would get as much attention.

          Years ago I worked at a gym where several sexual alpha males worked out.   Of course all the male members weren’t sexual alpha males.   Maybe 25 percent of the men qualified.   It was an interesting mix of social classes, backgrounds, and occupations.   Among the sexual alpha males there were male strippers, drug dealers, police officers, blue collar men, business owners, former college athletes, and senior management types.   Women used to join the gym just to get at these men.   Membership sales were easy for me.  I would take a woman through the areas where the most men worked out.  These sexual alpha males helped a brotha feed his babies.   Now the only thing these men had in common was their body builds.   That’s it.  They had different personalities, they weren’t thugs (the drug dealers were more high level)   and they were definitely different social classes.   One of them once said to me about pulling women, “Rom, it’s too easy.”   He said this after a phat booty young lady handed him her phone number without him asking.  

        At the gym there were some men who would qualify as social alpha males because of their social class, education, and occupations.   They also tended to be married to very attractive women.    Women who complain the most about a shortage of good men are often middle class and formally educated.   Their real complaint is that there are not enough men who are middle class and formally educated who can also turn them on sexually.   When I was promoting my first book, Nice Guys and Players, I had many middle to upper class African American women buy the book.   The basic premise of Nice Guys and Players is that women want a man who is socially acceptable but also sexually pleasing.   Many women can find a man who can get them wet but for several reasons they may not be able to be seen publically with him.

        There’s a lot I can say about this issue.  I may write a book on this subject because the social/sexual dynamics of the “Good Man Shortage” are quite fascinating.   For now I say that the discussion about the “Good Man Shortage” needs to be an honest one.   Most relationship discussions focus of the social side of relationships but not on the sexual side.   If people are serious about creating better male/female relationships the sexual side must be addressed.

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