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A Player's Eyes Sizzle Reel

10/25/2015

15 Comments

 
     ​ The following are excerpts from my upcoming book, "A Player's Eyes - One Man's View of Sexual Relationships."   The book will be available for purchase in November.   

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            For many I’m the villain of the story.   Jealous men and jilted women have thrown shade my way over the years.   The men mad that the women they sweated, wined, dined, and chased for years showed me love when all I did was say hi and maybe held the door for them.   Jilted women mad at me because despite their seductive best I wasn’t feeling their flavor.   Hey a brotha got standards.   Whatever.   I never worried about these folks though.  As long as they didn’t have a gun in their hands (and I’ve had guns in my face) I wasn’t worried.   It’s all part of the game of life.   I’ve lost women I’ve wanted to other men and I’ve been rejected.   It is what it is.  
 
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               In the popular culture and indeed in conventional beliefs there is the notion that looks don’t matter to women as much as they do with men.   Even when women do say that looks matter they will put it low on the list of priorities of what they want in a man.   I’m throwing a flag on that.  Fifteen yard penalty for unsportsmanlike bullshit.    The reality is that not only do looks matter but they matter more to women than they do to men.   This is especially true in sexual matters.   When women look for long term partners such as boyfriends and husbands they will look at personality compatibility, social class, money, religious affiliation, political views, education level, and even something as trivial as music tastes.   The trick though is that they look for these things in men they find PHYSICALLY attractive.   When women say that there is a shortage of “good men” what they really mean is that there is a shortage of “good LOOKING men.”  
 
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                The dating scene is different for a Goodbar.   He doesn’t have to approach several women on the street hoping that one will not only stop and talk but also give him the correct number and return the text within an hour.   Usually women are either making it extremely easy for Goodbar to approach them or they simply take the initiative and find an excuse to approach Goodbar.  
 
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                Game as it is generally shared in the public sphere doesn’t work on women.   Men think it works on women but on the for real for real, women just let men think it works.   When a man approaches a woman, she has already decided what she’s going to do with him.   If she wants to have sex with him she has already decided to do so.   Now if he wants to throw some corny lines at her, make a production of getting her phone number, take her on an expensive date, and let him think he convinced her to take her panties down, far be it for her to spoil his illusion.   She’ll let him think he has control when in reality she’s been in total control the whole time.
 
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               The reason women get played is not because they lack common sense, love thugs, or have a sign on their foreheads that says, “Victim.”  The reason women get played is because of their egos.  
 
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              The Sexual Shadow World (Shadow World) is not a place.  It is a shadow.   A shadow out of the corner of one’s eyes.   It is the realm where a few men and a whole lot of women express their sexuality free from society’s constraints.   It is where the stay at home soccer mom who makes the nice cupcakes for the neighborhood families has had an ongoing relationship with her young hot neighbor for years.  It is where the high functioning autistic but good looking man who works in a library supplements his income by indulging in the fantasies of lonely but affluent women.   It’s a world that occasionally leaks out into the mainstream but remains quite hidden.   Someone introduced to this world would have their minds blown.
 
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               I’ve read several blogs, studies, and watched several videos of those who promote the concept that looks matter.  Of course I agree as improving one’s body has been the foundation of my books.   That being said there’s another level.   If you look at the information in the public sphere it gives the impression that ALL one needs to do is look good.  Many people feel like if they get some type plastic surgery then their relationship issues will disappear.   They may get a little bit more attention but if other things are not in place that person will not be considered “sexy.”
 
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             Many women are very insecure.   They can strut around like Amazons ready to conquer the world and whatnot.  They can make a business deal in the morning and then go home to their big expensive houses and whip a fabulous dinner for themselves to eat while they watch their big screen TVs.   Yeah many women are dripping strength and confidence until they meet that drop dead gorgeous man who’s tall and buffed.  That same woman who just addressed executives at a board meeting has trouble saying hello to the man as he walks by.   If she does speak she’ll stutter and once he walks by she’ll rush home to change her panties because she peed on herself.   It’s not that women don’t want Pretty Boys.   It’s just that the butterflies are doing the tango in their stomachs.   Just like men get anxiety around beautiful women, women get it worse around beautiful men.  
 
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                  There is the thought that women want Alpha Males.   It’s something that I’ve promoted myself on occasion.   The Alpha Male is supposedly that tall, handsome man with a take charge dominant personality.   He kicks ass in all areas of society.   He’s the CEO of the billion dollar corporation, the football quarterback, he’s the charismatic leader of the drug cartel.    He is… THE MAN.   The wisdom is that these men get the best women.  Indeed it is thought these men will have harems of beautiful women who are at their beck and call.    Most dating and seduction advice geared towards men provide techniques for a man to either become an Alpha Male or to imitate alpha characteristics.   To be bad it’s all bullshit.  
 
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                 One of the main problems is that there are not enough Dimes to go around.   A man may not want to deal with the woman built like a water buffalo but he may live in a town with a whole herd of them.   The only time a man may consistently see Dimes is when he lives near a big college town or if he hangs around the most popular club in a big city.   Even then many of the Dimes are just Nickels who shined themselves up real good.   It’s interesting that there is so much talk about a shortage of good men yet it would be easy for men to say that there is a shortage of good women.  Unlike women, men would be honest enough to say that we mean beautiful and sexy.  
 
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            I have real problems with the “game” that is taught on the Internet in blogs, forums and in expensive seminars held in big hotel rooms.   My problem is that the shit don’t work for the majority of men who make efforts to learn this “game.”   I based that comment on not only several statements made by disgruntled men on the Internet who feel like they have been scammed but from dealing with men who have called themselves “Pick Up Artists” (PUAs).   I’ve coached men who have gone through these seminars and classes.  Usually I have to deprogram them before I can teach them anything useful.   The problem is what the men are being taught is wack to begin with.  
 
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             Many men have been attracted to a woman who will look them in the eye and say; “You have so many great qualities but I only see you as a friend.”  They will also say, “You’re going to make some woman very lucky one day.”   Most men just grin and bear it until they see the object of their desire walking around with another man.   Not just any man either.   The Good Guy has a degree, a career, his own home, and a late model car.   The woman who friend zoned him is walking around with an underemployed high school dropout who lives in his mother’s basement and doesn’t even have a driver’s license.  
 
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             It’s interesting to listen to Non-Select men complain about the choices women make.   They can’t for the life of them see the appeal of a Player or Bad Boy.   They think the women are the ones with issues and they should go for the Good Guys.   Even the women feel this way.  Many women will wonder why they can’t seem to fall in love with a gainfully employed, church going, and respectful man.  Instead the women are going crazy over a man who barely texts them, who may put them down, and will have multiple other women.   Even when women kick a Player to the curb they usually end up swooning for another Player.  What’s the issue?   From "A Player’s Eyes" the answer is simple.   A woman will put up with a Player, Bad Boy, or Dog for one reason and one reason alone: That drug called PLEASURE.
 
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              People don’t realize how deep it for a man to sleep with a great number of women in his lifetime.   That’s why a lot of men go crazy if they get dumped by their girlfriends or divorced from their wives.   Once a man finds that one woman who will fuck him on the regular he wants to hold on tight.   Many men will lock down their women for that reason.   Even when a man cheats he just has one other mistress.   The average man will have about thirty women in his life who will feel a natural attraction to him.   Thing is he’s not going to have sex with all thirty if he even meets them.   Most people will not meet all the persons most naturally attracted to them.   The man may be lucky to meet his thirty but fifteen of them will be in relationships.   He will not be naturally attracted to ten of them.   The timing will be off with at least two of the women.   So he may hook up with three women.   
 
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               The biggest single problem in male/female relationships is that most people are not realistic in searching for a mate.   You have plain looking, average shaped women with boring personalities thinking they can get a top tier male.   These women will not only reject men who are more in their league as far as looks and personality but they will do so with an attitude.   Even when they manage to hook up with a Select Man in most cases they are not really compatible.   Bomb sex doesn’t mean that two people need to be together outside the bedroom.   Dude could just have that good dick which he shares with five other women.   Yet Plain Jane thinks its love when she is really just a cool booty call.   Then when Plain Jane realizes that Mr. Goodbar doesn’t love her all men become dogs until she starts to swoon in the arms of another sexy dude.  
 
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               The reality is that only a small percentage of men have experienced what I have with dealing with women.   The majority struggle in their relationships.  That’s even when they can get one.   Many men don’t believe anything they haven’t personally experienced.   I’ve told men that I’ve always been approached by Dimes and they think I’m lying.   The reason is they and their associates have never been approached by a beautiful woman.  I mentioned to a couple of men that several women have showed up to my living space in the past without wearing underwear.   No way have they said, because it hasn’t happened to them.   I tell them I have to think hard about how many women I’ve had some sexual contact with in my life.   They think I’m automatically think I’m bullshitting because they remember the three women they have been with.   

15 Comments

Raw Brotha Replay: Power

6/7/2015

0 Comments

 
  •          I wrote this piece a year ago after watching the first episode for the cable show Power. I just watched the season 2 premier last night.   I get into this show for several reasons.   One reason is that it is the only show I've ever watched where I see myself reflected.  I could have written the main character, Ghost.   I am Ghost.   I relate best to men like him who move through the world with power.   Most men don't understand that.   They are followers.  Men like myself are leaders who always seek to impose their will even if it is in their own small corner of the world.  Indeed the true man seeks to impose his will on himself.  

            That's what it means to be a man.

            The following blog from last year sets the key note on what I'm about, what my books are about, what my inner circle is about.   

             Power.

    ************

            
    This past weekend I watched the preview episode for a new series coming on the Starz channel this Saturday, June 7 at 9 pm, Power.   This show is executive produced by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson.   Power stars Omari Hardwick as night club owner James “Ghost” St. Patrick.   St. Patrick is also the kingpin of a drug organization.   I usually don’t get into crime dramas but I will be watching this show every Saturday night.     The main character, James St. Patrick, represents the essence of what I write about in my books.   No I don’t encourage men to be drug dealers but St. Patrick has the traits that women find attractive in a man.


                St. Patrick showed himself to be a loving husband, father, and businessman.   He has a muscular build and I guarantee women will become fans of the show just to catch sex scenes.   He showed a depth of character as he questioned his decisions and direction of life.  Finally he was absolutely ruthless in dealing with a threat to his organization.   He is a very complex individual.   He is the Nice Guys and Players (NGAP) philosophy personified.

                My books, Nice Guys and Players, Sexual Chemistry, and Meeting Attractive Women are not the same as pick-up manuals or even more mainstream dating books.   In fact, the biggest criticism of my books was that they didn’t provide any techniques.   The critics missed the point.  Too many men want tricks and techniques for meeting and having sex with different women.   That is not the NGAP philosophy.  Instead of PRETENDING to be the man that women want BECOME the man women want.   Ultimately it is about becoming a MAN OF POWER.

                The basic premise of the NGAP philosophy is that women don’t quite want the nice guy.  He’s not sexually appealing, he’s like a brother, and he’s just a friend.    There are however occasions where the nice guy becomes desirable such as when women are older and wiser and can appreciate the nice guy’s traits.  Also quiet as it is kept there is a minority of young women who prefer nice guys.  The nice guy isn’t a total loser, as he brings needed traits to a relationship.

                Women don’t quite want the player either.  Yes indeed they will have sex with the players.  Some women will go from player to player.   Very few women, however, see the player as a long term relationship candidate.   In fact, many women will avoid being seen publically with a player.   Yes the player is good for sex but he brings little else to the table otherwise.  

                The ultimate man for a woman is a man who combines the best qualities of a nice guy and a player.  As one woman said to me, “a nice player.”   Now that may sound like a contradiction.   The general thought is that a man can be either nice guy or a player but not both.   There is a lot of talk on social media, websites, and blogs about the alpha male vs. the beta male.   One statement to this is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.”   It is felt by many that the alpha males get the women pregnant and then the women are provided for by the beta males.   Strong arguments for this.  I won’t attempt to refute the arguments.   My viewpoint is different.   Who says a man can’t be both?   Why not be the man who gets the sex, fathers the baby, and still be the daddy to the baby and husband to the mother?

                I don’t write about theories in my books.   I write what I know.   I KNOW it’s possible to be both the nice guy and the player cause that’s me.  That’s the men who mentored me growing up.   That’s the boys I grew up around.   I came of age in the seventies and eighties.   At least where I grew up in some of the worst and best parts of Washington, DC, if you were a male there were certain expectations that had to be met if you wanted to live a relatively peaceful existence.   One you had to be able to hold your own in a street fight.  Even if you got your ass kicked as long you fought back you were accepted.  You had to be at least decent at some sport.   You had to be able to talk to girls.  Overall my peers and I had to have some level of cool.   Now here’s a little tidbit about me.  In high school I was called a “Cool Bamma.”   One reason was that I would purposely wear high water pants to show off the expensive Polo socks I used to rock.   Hey I paid a lot of money for them.  People were going to see them.   Also I had nerdy interests.  I was considered cool though because I played sports, stared in some school plays, didn’t have a problem throwing hands, and I always knew where the happening parties were.   Plus I was very good at meeting women.   I went to an all-boys high school.  If I met a girl on the street or at a party I HAD to get her phone number on the spot.   I was an expert at day and night game as a 16-year old in 1981 decades before the term PUA was ever uttered.

                My point in sharing that tidbit about myself was that I couldn’t be just one way.   It wasn’t something I consciously thought about.  It was just life and how things were.   Nowadays people try to separate the two.  Always an either/or.  That’s not realistic.  All people have two sides.  We all have a duality.   What has happened in Western culture is that people try to be either one or the other.   Using the example of what I talked about in past blogs about social faces and sexual faces, people try to be one and suppress the other.   Most people only show their social face and try to bury their sexual face.  As a result they become sexually repressed which leads to a whole slew of problems.  The biggest problem is that they have trouble sexually arousing a member of the opposite sex.   Some people show their sexual face freely but in many cases have trouble in social situations where more reserved behavior is necessary such as on jobs or other public venues.   To succeed in life a person needs to be balanced between their social face and sexual face.

                If one were to be close to the men who get both the most sex and the best women one will see that these men are close to being balanced between their two faces.    They will see that these men may be thuggish or at least have that edge in their persona.   I’ve dealt with some dangerous individuals because of the lifestyle I used to live.   These men were definite players as they either had multiple women or one extremely beautiful and sexy woman.   They were also very gentle around women and children.   I knew one particularly dangerous man whose baby girl had him wrapped around her chubby little fingers.  They were also good people who knew something about loyalty and honor.   Their personality traits seemed like contradictions but were really complimentary and made them who they were.  

                With regard to women they were men who could satisfy women not only sexually but could take care of the social aspects of the relationship as well.  

                So what does all this have to do with power?   To meet the challenges in life a man has to be many things.   Too many men get stuck in a box.   Now as long as life fits into that box everything is gravy.   Life by its very nature does not accommodate us in this manner.   Life challenges a man to grow and develop new skills in order to meet challenges.   Every time a man can meet a challenge he develop a power.   For example, say a man is unemployed and undereducated.  He is a low level street hustler.  He could get a regular job if he takes classes at a training institute.   He did poorly in school though and ended up dropping out.   In order to succeed at this training institute he has to develop the discipline to study, to concentrate and to walk away from negative elements in his life.   If he develops these skills he gets the reward of a career and a chance at a better life.  At the same time he still has the skills he developed while “being bout that life.”   Those street skills can help him in his career because he learned how to read people real well and thus no one can take advantage of him. That’s power.

                The NGAP philosophy is about developing the power to move through life with authority.  I have an inner circle of followers from when I published my first book back in 2000.   The things they are doing is phenomenal.   They not only have women trying to get at them but these men are building businesses and living their purpose in life.   They are able to be the nice guy when the occasion calls for it.  They are able to be the player when they need to tap that ass.   They can handle themselves with CEO’s of major companies.  They can get gully in a back alley.  

                In the end it’s not about how many women one can get or even how much money someone can make.   It’s about having the power to stand up as a man and move through life.

  • 0 Comments

    The Wolf

    5/24/2015

    17 Comments

     
                I was watching a video the other day.  It was a Pickup Artist (PUA) telling a hotel hall full of men how to get women.  Same old thing.   I only watched a few minutes when a thought came in my head.  The thought was, “That bamma don’t get no damn pussy.”  At that moment I didn’t see him as many clueless virgin and involuntary celibate men saw him.   Since they were paying lots of money to sit and listen to him they obviously saw him as a player, ladies’ man, Alpha Male, whateva.   I doubt this bamma even got pity sex from a woman.   The reason I felt this way because despite sounding confident and knowledgeable he missed one key ingredient that drives women wild.   He didn’t have The Wolf.

                Now what is The Wolf?   To know The Wolf, one has to understand the three levels of real sexual attraction.   The first level is physical appearance.   The foundation of sexually arousing a person is having a good body build.   No amount of political correctness will change this.   Different groups of people are trying to alter this reality but movements that came about in the last fifty years are not going to change millions of years of evolution.   The only law nature adheres to is “survival of the fittest.”   The second level is the ability to emotionally connect with another person.   Two people physically attracted to each other go on a date but find they are incompatible.   The potential of a relationship is not there.   Most relationship advice focuses on the first two levels whether it’s the dating coach, therapist, or Tantra Master.   Then there’s a third level which no one seems to talk about.   The Wolf.

                The third level of sexual attraction is primal.   The body and mind are at best outer representations of an inner thing.  That thing is energy.  It is intangible.   You can’t see it.   A person can most certainly feel it even it’s on a subconscious level.   In a woman it is the energy that draws a man to want to impregnate her.    A woman’s egg does not leave the body to find a sperm.   To reproduce a woman has to entice a man to her.   This energy makes a woman passive and receptive.  She is a juicy fruit on a tree.  Subconsciously the energy is saying to the man, “come get this fruit.”   In a man, it is the energy that moves a man to take ACTION to get the fruit.  The primal masculine energy makes the man assertive and aggressive.   The man will only reproduce if the sperm leaves his body and enters a woman’s body in search of the egg.   Thus we have The Wolf.

                The Wolf isn’t that suit and tie dude flashing his money and playing up his status.   The Wolf isn’t that passive aggressive dude using some type of game to get with a woman.   The Wolf isn’t about the money.  The Wolf isn’t about talking.   The Wolf is about energy.   When a woman looks at The Wolf she will feel that energy.   The Wolf doesn’t have to say a word.    The very presentation of The Wolf says to the woman, “I will pick you up and slam against you the wall and bang the living shit out of you.   You will scream at the top of your lungs in pure ecstasy as I take you to the highest levels of orgasm.   You will feel the raw lust is that is aroused by the very sight, smell and touch of you.   I will take that muthafucking pussy!”  All this is communicated to a woman in mere seconds.   A woman sees a man radiating this type of energy and she has three orgasms on the spot.

                A man knows when another man has that energy because he will either feel scared and his muscles will tense to prepare him to fight.   Many men who practice what they consider to be “game” try to “out Alpha” other men in their social groups.    They will use verbal putdowns to impress the women.   These men don’t have The Wolf.   Men who have The Wolf don’t talk much when confronting or competing with other men.     Most men do not fuck with The Wolf.  It’s hard to adequately describe this energy because it is primal and older than human communication.   It’s like charisma, you know it when you see it.   You feel it.  

                The Wolf is highly suppressed in this society.   Men don’t really do anything to bring out The Wolf.   Men can get in trouble for merely looking at a woman with The Wolf energy which is simply raw lust.   It’s not just sex.  The Wolf is also a fighter but how much do men really fight with their hands now?   Guns are for cowards.  It doesn’t take courage or heart to fire a gun at someone.  The Wolf fights with his hands.  That’s raw aggression.   Men watch TV to watch other men be men.   The Wolf is a hunter.  How many men truly hunt for their food and not just for sport?   Many men are becoming like women energetically.   Muscular men get so much attention not because they are muscular but because there is little competition.   Men are physically looking soft.   And they have the nerve to wonder why women ain’t giving them no pussy.

                With the Wolf being so suppressed many men are turning to money and game to make up for what they lack inside.  Yeah I said it.   There are many men who have nice bodies, are handsome, and they have an above average economic status.  Yet they have trouble getting women.   These are Masked Men who lack The Wolf.   Men who rely on game have it worse.  They lie to themselves thinking they are winning but if a man has to use strategy, wordplay, and quite frankly deceptive tricks they don’t have The Wolf.   The Wolf can walk down the street minding his own business and have women get wet just from looking and more importantly feeling him.   

                If a man has to use money, game, or even looks to get women he doesn’t have The Wolf.

                Now there are some men who do have The Wolf.  They are the Bad Boys and Thugs out there.  To be clear not every Bad Boy has The Wolf.   Many of these so-called Thugs are nothing but a type of Masked Man.   Anybody can get a tattoo.   There are doctors and lawyers with tattoos.   It’s easy to take the appearance of a rebel.   I’ve mentioned before on this blog that I did a seminar with true to the game Thugs.   These were men with criminal records and The Wolf.   Dangerous men.  Not a single one had a tattoo.   Indeed from appearances alone it looked like I was at a bible study.  

                Getting back to Bad Boys with The Wolf the thing to understand is that the very nature of the energy makes it hard for a man to conform.   It’s takes a lot of will-power.  Someone with The Wolf has hard time following society’s rules.  Most of the laws and customs are tools used by the elite to control the movement of people.   The Wolf isn’t a sheep.   The Bad Boy is seen as such because he doesn’t follow the rules.   When women are drawn to Bad Boys or Thugs they are really drawn to their energy.   A store clerk with the same energy will draw just as many women as a Thug.  Ask me how I know.

                If someone really reads my books what I do is give someone the blueprint for unleashing The Wolf.   Society needs men to be men.   A man’s nature is to bring order out of chaos.   To bring order a man needs to maximize his potential.  

                Do the work and unleash the beast.

    17 Comments

    Goodbar Land

    5/17/2015

    1 Comment

     
                I had an interesting day yesterday.   I was out and about doing what I do.  I had several conversations with men about what men usually talk about if it is not sports, women.   One young man was telling me how tired he was feeling because his girl wore him out the night before.  He was also telling me how jealous she gets because other women check him out and that she always checks his phone.   He also had a lot of insight into the true nature of women.   Now this is a young Black male who society would label as a thug because of his braided hair and rough appearance.   I had a conversation an hour or so later with a muscular white man who had a lot of insight into women.   This dude was a self-described Poon Hound.   Watching his head swivel every time a woman walked past us was entertaining.   As he said, “I like women.  All women.”   This the type of cat who would fuck anything female that moves.   He walk by an aquarium the fish would stop swimming.  He walk outside the wind stops blowing.   Outside these two, I got texts throughout the day from men who get more women than they know what to do with.  It was a Goodbar type of day.   It very refreshing.

                As I’ve written several times I have talked with literally thousands of women.  What I don’t say is that I’ve talked with literally thousands of men.  Now when men get together the two main topics of conversation will be sports and women.   Indeed a man can go anywhere on the planet and connect with locals talking about sports or women, especially women.  I’m convinced a phat ass can bring world peace.   Now most of the conversations are men complaining about their lack of success with women.   I spend a significant amount of time listening to every negative thing possible being said about women.   Even online the majority of men’s social media pages, blogs, videos, and websites are talking negative.  This is the case even with sites dedicated to men improving with women.   I referenced a few of these sites in my blog, Different Worlds of Men.    There was one, however, I didn’t reference.   That world was Goodbar Land.

                I have yet to find a website that caters to Mr. Goodbar.   I’ve found some that are arguably close.   In my Different Worlds blog I mention Better Man World and Poly World.   These aren’t Goodbars though.  These are Masked Man types.   These are men who had to do a lot of work to become select.   There was another underground site I didn’t mention in that article that I was privy to that catered to real Pimps.   You had to know somebody to get the link for that site.  It still wasn’t a Goodbar site.   Contrary to popular belief the Pimps really don’t have as much insight into the female mind as a Goodbar.  Pimps are skilled at finding and managing women who are willing to sell their body.  Pimps are lousy at dealing with regular or what they call square women.   The image of the pimp is more in public consciousness.  Goodbar is something else entirely.

                I have a vivid memory of a seminar I did back in 2001 based on my book, Nice Guys and Players.   It was with a group of young Black professionals.   It was standing room only and a lot of energy.   A fun part of the seminar was people acting out in skits the different character types I had in my books.  It was all improv with a man and woman in each skit.  They were given a brief description of each character and they went to work.   The Nice Guy and Masked Man skits were good.  The Gamesman skit had me on the floor laughing.   Dude had legitimate good game which quite frankly is rare.   He later told me he had seven sisters who taught him a lot.  Anyway when they got to the Goodbar skit the man came on to the woman very aggressively and I stopped laughing.   It was all wrong.   I explained the problems of the interpretation and people looked at me as if I had an antenna growing out of my head.   

                Let me explain something about Mr. Goodbar.   He is the top of food chain as far as sexual desirability.   He is an Apex predator.   People think Pimps or Macks are the top dogs, the Alpha Males, but it’s really Mr. Goodbar.   The key piece with Goodbar is not that he chases women but rather they chase him.   Women actively try to seduce Mr. Goodbar.   This is an alien concept to most men who are not Goodbars.  Women already know even though they don’t talk about it publically and especially not in mixed company.   Goodbars don’t street harass or spend money trying to impress women.  Women will street harass and spend money trying to impress Goodbar.   Gigolos and Male Strippers are Goodbars who have gone pro.   I remember this one dude who telling me he had “arrived.”   He felt that since he was starting to get sex with decent women that he was the man.   He found out the hard way that he wasn’t.   He was getting women based on his salary, his home, and his cars.   He had arrived as a Masked Man, the mask being the resources but he wasn’t Goodbar.   A man knows he is Goodbar when women show up to his place with a trench coat on and nothing else.   A man knows he’s Goodbar when he get late night texts talking about, “What you doing?”   If a man has to open his wallet he’s not Goodbar.   Only a small percentage of men have it like that.

                Now many people think that Goodbar is probably a really handsome man that looks like a male model.   Not really.   First of all handsome is a subjective thing.  What’s handsome to one woman is ugly to another.   When it comes to dating advice, there is too much emphasis on facial features even when it is said, “Looks don’t matter.”   For people who believe looks matter they feel that as long as a man has a handsome face he will get attention.   I would say I’ve seen this to be the case when a man has an EXTREMELY handsome face.   Otherwise there are standard handsome men who have a lot of trouble with women.   The issue is not their faces.   The key to turning on a woman sexually is not the face.   There are millions of handsome men who are also seen as Nice Guys.   Facially many may be better looking to women than a Goodbar.   These men are also skinny or overweight.   The key ingredient for a Goodbar is not the face but his body.   What separates Mr. Goodbar from other men is his body.   More on that later.

                See a failing with many men in relating to women is that they are too much in their heads.   They are approaching women using logical thinking.   Logical thinking by its very nature is microcosmic.  It is left-brained.  It sees a small part of the overall picture.   It is thinking based on information.  It is limited if the information on a particular subject is limited.   For example, many men base their actions in relating to women on studies and statistics.   One example is the idea that fifty percent of Black women have herpes.   This is according to a Center for Disease Control study.   This study is based on actual test results.   Many men will base their logical thinking on this study when dealing with Black women.   The problem with this type of thinking is obvious to someone using common sense.   In order for the statement that fifty percent of Black women have herpes every single Black woman in the country would have to be tested.   A more accurate statement would be to say that fifty percent of the Black women TESTED for herpes had the disease.   A woman would only get tested for herpes or anything else for the matter only if they showed symptoms.   An analogy would be that a woman wouldn’t get tested for pregnancy unless she showed symptoms.   

                My point is that logical thinking is limited as far as relationships are concerned.   It’s good for professions which have well established rules, regulations, and standards.   Dealing with women is another thing entirely.   A man who is too much in his head will see a Goodbar at a bar say something to a women and see her immediately get sexual with him.   So the man in his head thinks, “If I say the same thing I will get the same result.”   Most “game” advice focuses on saying the right things to women.   So the man says the same things as the Goodbar and fails miserably.   Depending on where he is he may get kicked out of the club or even arrested.   What the man using logic didn’t see was that the Goodbar turned on the woman sexually before he even said a word to her.   The woman was turned on by the man’s body.   All the Goodbar had to do was pick up on the woman’s interest which leads to another difference between Goodbar and the rest of the male population.   Mr. Goodbar doesn’t think the same way as other men.

                There are actually four modes of thinking.   Logical thinking is one mode which is linear, left-brained, and microcosmic.   There is also analytical thinking which is abstract, left-brained and microcosmic.   It uses analogy to compare one thing to another in order to come to a conclusion.   There is a mode called synthesis which is holistic, right-brained, and macrocosmic.   Synthesis looks at the big picture and how different parts of the picture fit together.   People who have a lot of common sense are using synthesis.  Finally there is integration which is intuitive, right-brained, and macrocosmic.   People who use integration are the type that do things based on “gut feelings.”   They are drawing from their subconscious mind.   They can read a person or situation accurately without any outside information.   Most human innovations came from integration.    

                As far as the four categories of men, Nice Guys, Gamesmen, and Masked Men tend to use logical and analytical thinking.   Good for working in many professions and keeping a car running but not so good for dealing with women.  Relationships are a right-brain thing.   Men and even women who approach relationships using their left-brain are doomed to failure and at best a passionless coupling based on pragmatic concerns.    Goodbars tend to use synthesis and integration.   One way that I know when a man is a Goodbar or at least has the potential is that he can read women real well.   This isn’t the type of reads that are taught in PUA boot camps which treat all the women the same.  A Goodbar reads each woman as an individual and adjusts his actions accordingly.   Goodbar is using intuition and also a lot of common sense.   Goodbars know that women are into sex as much, even more than men.   Strangely, many men think women don’t want sex as much as men and are scandalized when women show how sexual they can really get.   Goodbar intuits a woman’s sexual interest.   Using common sense Goodbar realizes that just like men are attracted to a woman’s body, women are attracted to a man’s body.

                Many dating advice professionals will advise men to join a gym and get fit.   The problem is that the men will still approach women while still in their heads.   They still think some magic words or behaviors will turn on a woman sexually.   Here’s a reality.  The men who get the most panties thrown at them are not the brightest as group.   I thought so at one time because of a personal bias but if I’m being honest the men who get the most women are not that bright at least not in a left-brain logical way.   There are exceptions like in everything else.    The women are responding to the man’s body.   Just like a man wants to suck those breasts and grab that ass, a woman wants to lick that chest and grab that ass too.  Ask me how I know. Women as a group are DRAWN to a certain body type, which tends to be mesomorphic or very close to it.  The affect is literally magnetic to women.  Men who are not close to that ideal need to be extremely handsome AND tall.  For any man not at those ideals women will be a struggle and are doing well to simply get a cooperative girlfriend.   One thing Goodbar doesn’t do is overthink situations with women.   Women really aren’t that deep.  

                There is so much I can say.   For anyone trying to get into Goodbar Land hit the gym.   If you’re skinny add some bulk.   If you’re overweight lose some weight.   Even after you do all that learn to think differently.   I know many men want to take workshops and read books on women.   Many men will listen to other clueless men.   Ultimately every man needs to cultivate his intuition and common sense.   Follow those gut feelings.   There has been many beautiful woman I passed over because my gut feeling screamed, “Oh hell no!”   I have no regrets.   I always found out something negative about the woman later on.   Use some common sense.   Dealing with women in a cookie cutter manner is stupid.  Each woman no matter how similar she is to other women is still an individual.   You gotta read that woman.   You can’t follow a script.   If you are having trouble with women it’s not the women. It’s you.  You need to change your thinking because apparently it’s not working.  

                One final thing.   The man who just read this needs to ask himself some basic questions.   Does he want to live in a world where he has to remember lines, spend money, and chase women who may end up friend zoning him?   Does he want to live in a world where women show up to his door wearing nothing but a trench coat and heels?  

                Think on this.

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    The Beautiful Ones

    11/16/2014

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                Back in the late nineties I was working on an interesting book project.   It was a novel about a subculture of extremely beautiful people and the problems they face.   Hey, hey, hey, don’t laugh.   If you watch any television show on the CW network you would think this subculture really existed.   I’ve always had a fascination with subcultures.   Sometimes I even think of getting a formal sociology degree even though I took more than a few of these classes in school.   That might be something to do.  

                Anyway as part of my research I put an ad in a local newspaper looking for “extremely attractive men and women for a research project.”   I only talked to a few individuals.   A couple were looking to get paid and a few more I played phone tag with.   The few I talked to included an attorney who said he didn’t get taken seriously in court or while playing sports and another guy who was a gay intellectual with an astronomical IQ.   No joke.   This dude was on some serious deep esoteric, intellectual stuff that suggested to me he was born maybe two centuries too soon.   He was talking about concepts found in the classic movie, The Matrix, three years before the movie came out.  

                Since I didn’t get enough people from my ad I talked to some male and female friends who other people would consider extremely physically attractive.   I emphasize the term PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE.   Beauty is in the eye of beholder and also how someone comes across.   For example, someone who physically wouldn’t stand out in a crowd can still be considered attractive if they have charisma and great grooming.   Some people become more attractive as you get to know them.   These types weren’t going to be the focus of my novel.

                I was interested in those rare individuals who have what I call optimal genetic beauty.   They have a great bone structure that transcends race, nationality, and culture.   Indeed, many of the individuals I interviewed and knew personally were multiracial.   There were also a few I interviewed who could be said to be the optimal genetic representative of their racial phenotype.   One was a muscular chocolate brotha who had women swooning.   Women would see us talking and then take me to the side and ask, “So who’s your friend?”   Another was a pale Irish redhead whose skin looked like porcelain.   There’s actually some science behind what I just wrote but it’s some really deep stuff I don’t go into publicly.  

                The angle I was going to take with my novel was about the inner life of physically beautiful people.   Using my chocolate buddy as an example, so many women used to ask me about him I thought about pimping him.   Seriously this dude used to have women just throw themselves at him.   Thing was he was laid back and even shy.   What I really found interesting was that women would think and ask all sorts of things about him based on his physical appearance and they would be off by miles.   He got plenty of sex but he really wasn’t a classic player trying to juggle multiple women.    He was just a good person.   Many women thought that because of his looks that he was womanizing dog.   Naw, he was more of a serial monogamist.  

                He was just one example.   What I found most was that these beautiful ones faced a lot of stress because of their looks especially the women.   Extremely beautiful women have a reputation of being airheads with nothing to do but look good.   A few seem like they deserve this reputation upon first meeting them.   Getting to know them though I found these women to be deep and fascinating individuals.   This has always been the case.   For example, I knew one very beautiful young woman who was working as an exotic dancer.   Physically she was a traffic stopper with her face and body.   She was also voracious reader who could probably hack a government computer network.  I remember her telling me, “Rom leave those PC’s alone!  Get yourself a MAC.”

                Many of the beautiful ones have a deep inner life but because of the culture we live in people don’t really care.   The whole PUA/Seduction industry is based on getting these extremely beautiful women.   Any street harassment an average woman faces is magnified for the extremely beautiful woman.    I remember when I worked at a health club in downtown DC and I almost had to throw hands with a man who followed one of the workers into the club.    This worker have a very beautiful face and the body of video vixen.   Outside of her physical appearance she was very sweet person.   

                Things can be almost as bad for physical attractive men.   There is a subculture of men on the internet who feel if they get plastic surgery to improve their looks they will finally get women.   Maybe, but there are many physical attractive men feel differently.   The thing about the physically attractive man is that he typically is not a player.   Most are genuinely nice men who won the genetic lottery.   Most womanizing men are not drop dead gorgeous.   On average, womanizers are plain looking men with good bodies and nice clothes.    Looks matter to women but not necessarily extraordinary looks.   A reality is that while women may stare at and lust for a gorgeous man, actually talking to one may not happen.   Most women are intimidated by a very good looking man.   The average woman doesn’t want to be around a man who looks better than her.   Even in cases where this does happen any insecurities she has will come to the surface.   

                Also physically attractive men typically do not have incentive to develop the skillsets of player.   Though most women are intimidated there are still going to be some aggressive women.   In all these stories in the media about female teachers having sex with male students we always see the pictures of the women.   I guarantee that if the pictures of the boys were shown they will be pretty boys with toned bodies.   A man used to aggressive women will typically get caught up with one woman who takes care of his needs.  Other physically attractive men will have nerdy interests and mannerisms.   Some women will be this way as well.   I recall a conversation I had recently with a very physically attractive but awkward young woman who is a regular at comic book conventions as a cosplayer.

                I think about these beautiful ones as I think about the more average people who chase them.   There have been whole subcultures that have developed for the purposes of having sex with extremely beautiful women.   Quiet as it is kept there are also a few subcultures of women who are focused on admiring and securing extremely handsome men.   These subcultures can be found on social media if one knows where and how to look.   It’s amazing to me how people try to discount looks and yet so many people are not satisfied unless they have a mate who is very physically attractive.   Even people who are in nominally loving relationships will step out if given an opportunity with a Beautiful One.  

                Honestly that’s normal.  Two things need to happen though.  First we need to stop pretending that looks, especially good looks, don’t matter.   It’s a politically correct and a marketing lie for dating companies that needs to be put to rest.   Second, people need to remember that Beautiful Ones have personalities and quirks just like anyone else.   For the person that has to have a Beautiful One they have to get past the looks and focus on the personality.   Sometimes the personality is even more beautiful than the outer shell.  

                One issue extremely attractive men and women have always said to me is that they want to be seen as human.   Too many people treat the Beautiful Ones as objects and not as human beings who need love, affection, and companionship like everyone else.

                As far as that novel, read the final product in my serialized story, Those Eyes.   For a long time the working title of the book was, The Beautiful Ones.

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    Unrealistic Romantic Expectations

    10/12/2014

    2 Comments

     
                So I’m bopping along in a Barnes and Noble with my sons doing what we usually do, looking at books and magazines.   We had already been to the local comic book store where I didn’t see anything I wanted.   As an aside for those who don’t know I’m a big comic book fan.  Too bad there isn’t much out there that catches my attention.   That’s another blog in a separate section of my website.   Anyway while I’m walking around I pause a little bit in the romance section and just shake my head when I look at the different books, particularly the ones with BDSM themes.   A certain series of books about a psychotic billionaire and an awkward girl really started some stuff.   As I was looking at the books I thought about some texts I got from my friend “Roger” that morning.

                  I first talked about Roger (not his real name) in my “Do The Work” blog entry from a while ago.   Anyway knowing him he was just finishing his morning workout after a night of doing the Lord’s Work with a now blissed out woman.   For those who don’t know the term “Lord’s Work” is a code term  we use in our circle for taking a woman to a higher level of sexual bliss so that she sees Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, Shiva, Ausar, Galactus, the Great Pumpkin, or whatever deity she  chooses to worship.  Seriously though, sacred sexuality is indeed a spiritual path for some.   Now I might have to do a book on that.   

                Anyways, Roger texted me asking if I ever watched a show called Four Weddings where women judge each other weddings and the winner gets some type of grand prize.   His point was how these shows get women into some type of fantasy land.   He wrote, “What’s really telling is listening to the ‘grown’ women, they sound like a 13 year old.”   The texts back and forth made me think of the whole issue of romantic illusions and how they affect relationships.   I touched on the issue in my blog “The Reality of Chasing Mr. Goodbar.”   I need to get deeper into this issue because the reality is that women and quite frankly many men as well are chasing romantic fantasies and are missing out of fulfilling relationships.   

                With women it’s more obvious.  Many women are chasing Mr. Goodbar or the Masked Man.  Really what they are doing is chasing that perfect man.   They are chasing men that match a romantic ideal   Mr. Goodbar comes closest to it naturally.   They will have the looks, charisma, and are challenging enough to  turn women on.   The heroes in the romance novels are typically Alpha Males or Bad Boys where the big deal is a woman getting one of these men to fall for them.  In real life women are the real hunters.  Their game though is to draw men to them.   Romance novels play on that subliminal desire.   Only thing in real life, true Alpha Males are “my way or the highway” type of guys who will only deal with a woman on their terms or not at all.   Any successful relationship will require some type of compromise on the part of both parties.   In real life Bad Boys are just that: bad.   It may make a nice novel or romantic movie where a Bad Boy shows his sensitive side to the heroine and at the end declares his undying love.  The reality is that the Bad Boy will likely leave the woman scarred for life.  

                The media is screwing up a lot of women’s heads.  There are women out here rejecting decent men who love and support them for no other reason than he didn’t bring them a certain type of flower or the box of chocolates wasn’t big enough.   Many women will throw the baby out with the bath water.   Then they’ll get with the player who does all the romantic things but then when it’s time for the player to stand up and be a man such as when there is a family emergency and the woman needs real support, the player disappears.  Another scenario is when the woman marries the romantic man then discovers she is dealing with a little boy.   She didn’t gain a husband she got a son.  

                These issues are going to continue for the simple reason that the romantic illusions form a major part of the economy.   There is a lot of money to be made.   Straight up I’ve thought about learning how to write a romance novel because that’s a big industry.   There are mediocre writers from a technical point view who have become millionaires from writing romance.   Don’t get me started on the movie industry.   I’ll use one example from the movies, Tyler Perry.  Now a lot of people focus on the Medea character which in my view isn’t the main appeal of his movies.   Nor is it the Christian themes.   The main appeal of a Tyler Perry movie is that you will have a woman that made some unfortunate choices in life have a light-skinned blue collar pretty boy fall in love with her and he is willing to go through some crap to get with her even to the point of saving her from the evil chocolate professional brotha. (See Note)  

                Now I can’t let the men off the hook.   Even though women with romantic illusions is obvious to any thinking human being, the reality is that many men suffer from the same issue.  As far as I know there aren’t any romance novels that caters to a men’s desire but there are many examples in the media of average men with hot wives going back to the Honeymooners.   Alice was fine.  How she end up with Ralph Kramden?   That’s a very common theme in television and movies.   You have the ugly or out of shape man with the hot sexy wife.   Just like women are influenced by romantic literature and movies, men have been influenced for generations by this imagery.    To the point that it can be very traumatic for a man to truly realize that yes looks MATTER to a woman.   Now a woman can get past looks depending on what else the man is bringing to the table but unless that man has some serious sexual skills that he manages to communicate to the woman, in most cases the average woman will reject a man just on looks.   Even in cases where the man is spending money on her she will try to limit physical contact.   The women who choose money over looks are usually sugar babies.   Even a sugar baby will sleep with a man for free if he is good looking to her.  Ask me how I know.

                One community that takes advantage of men’s romantic illusions is the PUA Community which quite frankly is more of an industry led by many men and some women who have a general message of telling average to ugly men that with the proper training they too can seduce the extremely beautiful and sexy women.   I will give the industry props for helping men to develop social skills which are needed.   There are some realities that are not dealt with though.  Too many men, regardless of how they look, think that some words and actions will cause a woman to feel attraction for them.   Then when they fail they are ready to blame the instructors calling them scam artists or the women for being flaky with issues.   The women just aren’t attracted to them physically and all the words, money, and status is not going to change that.   Let me share the REAL reason why many of these men fail with women.

                Often when men go to clubs or walking down the street they will see these hot, sexy women.   They approach them with lines or their wallets out trying to impress these women.  They fail miserably unless they run into a sugar baby.   See the men are only seeing the surface of these women.   They are seeing the woman wearing that short dress with the perky breasts, flat stomach, “dat ass,” and toned legs.   What many of these men don’t see is what the women did to get those tight bodies.   These women with these tight bodies usually spend hours in the gym.   Very, very FEW women can maintain a tight body without working out or engaging in a physical activity.   Indeed in talking with some very hot women over the years I would find out they were jocks in high school.   If not jocks they had been into dance which requires the same discipline as any sport.   These women DID THE WORK for their bodies.   Let me share something.

                The gym I go to has a lot of hot young women who are either jocks or cheerleaders.   My workout is about an hour or two.   There are many young women who have already worked out a good sweat by the time I get there and even when I finish a long workout they are still pushing.   They don’t play either.  The gym I go to has Smith Machines that are used for bench pressing and squats.   When I go to the gym young women will be lined up to do squats on the Smith Machine.   One petite young girl was ready to cut me when I was about to jump on the machine to do bench presses and she wasn’t finished doing squats.  I kid you not.  

                So these women are pushing their bodies to be as fit as possible.   Why would they be turned on by a man who doesn’t put in the same effort to stay in shape?   One thing the Alphas and the Bad Boys will have is above average body builds.

                  GAME!

                Back on the main topic, men and women need to start dealing with reality.   I know a young lady who broke this down for me.   By her own admission she is a six.   She’s a real cool Plain Jane who has no problem with men even very attractive ones.   I asked her secret and she said, “Rom, I’m easy and I bring the beer.”   She has no romantic notions about men.   Many women though are in their forties and fifties still looking for a man to sweep them off their feet.   I’m reminded of a passage in The Autobiography of Malcolm X:

                All of that Hollywood stuff!  Like these women wanting men to pick them up and carry them across thresholds and some of them weigh more than you do.  I don’t know how many marriage breakups are caused by these movie and television-addicted women expecting some bouquets and kissing and hugging and being swept out like Cinderella for dinner and dancing – then getting mad when a poor, scraggly husband comes in tired and sweaty from working like a dog all day, looking for some food.

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                Women are passing up decent men because they are not the most romantic but want these same men when the rest of life is kicking their ass.  

                Men are passing up decent women because regardless of what they look like they feel because they make a little bit more money than the average man they should have the top tier women.   Then want to know what happened when that sugar baby has emptied half their back account.

                Let me end with this observation.   The happiest couples I have seen in my life are not extremely beautiful.   Even when I have seen two beautiful people together they don’t always look happy.   Some of the happiest couples I’ve seen are physically homely and out of shape.   Thing is they are homely and out of shape with each other.   Even when the happy couples weren’t homely they shared the same subculture.  One time I was doing a seminar and there was a Goth couple there and my seminar was on finding the right mate.   To get deeper a person’s right mate will generally be the person they would be if they were born the opposite sex.   For example, a macho, assertive man as a woman would be submissive and alluring.   When I said that everybody looked at the Goth couple and started smiling.   The Goths themselves gave me that head nod that told me they agreed with me.   See many people are just realistic about who they are and who they can attract and they are good with it.   They don't have unrealistic romantic expectations.

    Note


           A big issue particularly in  Black relationships and also in any non-white racial and ethnic group is that of colorism.   The issues facing chocolate complexioned Black women have been well discussed such as in the documentary Dark Girls.    What is not as addressed is that many of  the men Black women will classify as Mr. Goodbar will tend to be light complexioned with less coarse hair, "good hair."   A popular archetype in urban communities is a light complexioned pretty boy with tattoos and long hair either in a bushy pony tail or braided.     Though some more chocolate celebrities are promoted as ideal (Idris Elba or Denzel Washington) the reality is that the light skin player has never really gone out of style.   Like many things it hasn't been talked about publically because of an atmosphere of political correctness.   Young players know what works though.   The issue of colorism is something beyond the scope of this blog which in the final analysis is simply the viewpoints of this writer.   Something of this scale requires a more academic approach  complete with field studies, Ph.D. level research, and numerous footnotes.   Though I am academically qualified to do such a project it's not something that I can give the proper time and attention that it deserves.
       

       

                  

       

       

     
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    September 21st, 2014

    9/21/2014

    2 Comments

     
    2 Comments

    Power

    6/4/2014

    0 Comments

     
                This past weekend I watched the preview episode for a new series coming on the Starz channel this Saturday, June 7 at 9 pm, Power.   This show is executive produced by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson.   Power stars Omari Hardwick as night club owner James “Ghost” St. Patrick.   St. Patrick is also the kingpin of a drug organization.   I usually don’t get into crime dramas but I will be watching this show every Saturday night.     The main character, James St. Patrick, represents the essence of what I write about in my books.   No I don’t encourage men to be drug dealers but St. Patrick has the traits that women find attractive in a man.

                St. Patrick showed himself to be a loving husband, father, and businessman.   He has a muscular build and I guarantee women will become fans of the show just to catch sex scenes.   He showed a depth of character as he questioned his decisions and direction of life.  Finally he was absolutely ruthless in dealing with a threat to his organization.   He is a very complex individual.   He is the Nice Guys and Players (NGAP) philosophy personified.

                My books, Nice Guys and Players, Sexual Chemistry, and Meeting Attractive Women are not the same as pick-up manuals or even more mainstream dating books.   In fact, the biggest criticism of my books was that they didn’t provide any techniques.   The critics missed the point.  Too many men want tricks and techniques for meeting and having sex with different women.   That is not the NGAP philosophy.  Instead of PRETENDING to be the man that women want BECOME the man women want.   Ultimately it is about becoming a MAN OF POWER.

                The basic premise of the NGAP philosophy is that women don’t quite want the nice guy.  He’s not sexually appealing, he’s like a brother, and he’s just a friend.    There are however occasions where the nice guy becomes desirable such as when women are older and wiser and can appreciate the nice guy’s traits.  Also quiet as it is kept there is a minority of young women who prefer nice guys.  The nice guy isn’t a total loser, as he brings needed traits to a relationship.

                Women don’t quite want the player either.  Yes indeed they will have sex with the players.  Some women will go from player to player.   Very few women, however, see the player as a long term relationship candidate.   In fact, many women will avoid being seen publically with a player.   Yes the player is good for sex but he brings little else to the table otherwise.  

                The ultimate man for a woman is a man who combines the best qualities of a nice guy and a player.  As one woman said to me, “a nice player.”   Now that may sound like a contradiction.   The general thought is that a man can be either nice guy or a player but not both.   There is a lot of talk on social media, websites, and blogs about the alpha male vs. the beta male.   One statement to this is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.”   It is felt by many that the alpha males get the women pregnant and then women is then provided for by the beta males.   Strong arguments for this.  I won’t attempt to refute the arguments.   My viewpoint is different.   Who says a man can’t be both?   Why not be the man who gets the sex, fathers the baby, and still be the daddy to the baby and husband to the mother?

                I don’t write about theories in my books.   I write what I know.   I KNOW it’s possible to be both the nice guy and the player cause that’s me.  That’s the men who mentored me growing up.   That’s the boys I grew up around.   I came of age in the seventies and eighties.   At least where I grew up in some of the worst and best parts of Washington DC if you were a male there were certain expectations that had to be met if you wanted to live a relatively peaceful existence.   One you had to be able to hold your own in a street fight.  Even if you got your ass kicked as long you fought back you were accepted.  You had to be at least decent at some sport.   You had to be able to talk to girls.  Overall my peers and I had to have some level of cool.   Now here’s a little tidbit about me.  In high school I was called a “Cool Bama.”   One reason was that I would purposely wear high water pants to show off the expensive Polo socks I used to rock.   Hey I paid a lot of money for them.  People were going to see them.   Also I had nerdy interests.  I was considered cool though because I played sports, stared in some school plays, didn’t have a problem throwing hands, and I always knew where the happening parties were.   Plus I was very good at meeting women.   I went to an all-boys high school.  If I met a girl on the street or at a party I HAD to get her phone number on the spot.   I was an expert at day and night game as a 16-year old in 1981 decades before the term PUA was ever uttered.

                My point in sharing that tidbit about myself was that I couldn’t be just one way.   It wasn’t something I consciously thought about.  It was just life and how things were.   Nowadays people try to separate the two.  Always an either/or.  That’s not realistic.  All people have two sides.  We all have a duality.   What has happened in Western culture is that people try to be either one or the other.   Using the example of what I talked about in past blogs about social faces and sexual faces, people try to be one and suppress the other.   Most people only show their social face and try to bury their sexual face.  As a result they become sexually repressed which leads to a whole slew of problems.  The biggest problem is that they have trouble sexually arousing a member of the opposite sex.   Some people show their sexual face freely but in many cases have trouble in social situations where more reserved behavior is necessary such as on jobs or other public venues.   To succeed in life a person needs to be balanced between their social face and sexual face.

                If one were to be close to the men who get both the most sex and the best women one will see that these men are close to being balanced between their two faces.    They will see that these men may be thuggish or at least have that edge in their persona.   I’ve dealt with some dangerous individuals because of the lifestyle I used to live.   These men were definite players as they either had multiple women or one extremely beautiful and sexy woman.   They were also very gentle around women and children.   I knew one particularly dangerous man whose baby girl had him wrapped around her chubby little fingers.  They were also good people who knew something about loyalty and honor.   Their personality traits seemed like contradictions but were really complimentary and made them who they were.  

                With regard to women they were men who could satisfy women not only sexually but could take care of the social aspects of the relationship as well.  

                So what does all this have to do with power?   To meet the challenges in life a man has to be many things.   Too many men get stuck in a box.   Now as long as life fits into that box everything is gravy.   Life by its very nature does not accommodate us in this manner.   Life challenges a man to grow and develop new skills in order to meet challenges.   Every time a man can meet a challenge he develop a power.   For example, say a man is unemployed and undereducated.  He is a low level street hustler.  He could get a regular job if he takes classes at a training institute.   He did poorly in school though and ended up dropping out.   In order to succeed at this training institute he has to develop the discipline to study, to concentrate and to walk away from negative elements in his life.   If he develops these skills he gets the reward of a career and a chance at a better life.  At the same time he still has the skills he developed while “being bout that life.”   Those street skills can help him in his career because he learned how to read people real well and thus no one can take advantage of him. That’s power.

                The NGAP philosophy is about developing the power to move through life with authority.  I have an inner circle of followers from when I published my first book back in 2000.   The things they are doing is phenomenal.   They not only have women trying to get at them but these men are building businesses and living their purpose in life.   They are able to be the nice guy when the occasion calls for it.  They are able to be the player when they need to tap that ass.   They can handle themselves with CEO’s of major companies.  They can get gully in a back alley.  

                In the end it’s not about how many women one can get or even how much money someone can make.   It’s about having the power to stand up as a man and move through life.

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    The True Player's Secret

    5/11/2014

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                One of the greatest mysteries of life is why a small group of men seem to have sex with a multitude of women while a large percentage of men struggle to get a simple hello from the same women.  This issue is addressed from many different angles notably dating coaches.   Doesn’t work too well for most men though.  Many quite frankly have been scammed out of thousands of dollars and in many cases have a worse time relating to women.   The reason is that most men have the wrong perspective.  There is the belief that women are not as interested in sex as men.   This is a universal false belief.   Women want sex as much as and in many cases more than men.    Let me give my view on things.

                All people have two faces.  They have a social face and a sexual face.   The social face of a person is what the public sees.  When I say public I include friends and family.   This is the outer person that works, goes to church, shops for groceries, and appears to be a stable member of society.   The sexual face is the person in the bedroom who engages in threesomes and alternative sexual practices.   The point is that the sexual face may be different or even contradictory to the social face.   Now here’s the interesting thing.   For many men their social face and their sexual face are nearly the same.   There is no real stigma for men to express their sexuality.   It’s even encouraged in certain venues such as the sports fields and construction sites.   Not so with women.   Most women only show subtle hints of their sexual face and in many cases are shamed by men for even showing that little bit.   As a result the average man confuses a woman’s social face for her sexual face.

                When most men approach women they try to appeal to her social face thinking it will trigger sexual attraction.   The average man will try to show that he is SOCIALLY dominant by talking about his status, or using pickup lines, or appealing to her logically or emotionally.   The bottom line is that he is trying to TALK her into finding him attractive which is really just appealing to her social face.   Depending on the man this may work if he is able to fulfill the woman’s social needs.  She may want to enhance her social face by being in a relationship with a man that looks good to the public.   Thus many men think that they can get a woman with a good conversation, a mouthpiece as the Macks would say, or routines as the Pickup Artists (PUA) use for seduction.   Most men, however, fail to get women through talking.  Most make the mistake of thinking that they can talk a woman into giving them sex.

                My homie Roger, the star of the “Do The Work” blog entry had this say via text:

                “Man a lot of dudes esp. PUA’s approach women like it’s sales.   Overcoming objections with words.  Engaging a woman’s mind is useless.  Even if she gives you the pussy it won’t be good cause she’s battling in her head.”

                What Roger is saying is that though a woman may be socially attracted to a man she may not be sexually attracted.   Now Roger has read my books, Nice Guys and Players and Sexual Chemistry and has had the benefit of talking with me for years.   He understands the concept of a woman’s social face being different from her sexual face.   A man cannot appeal to a woman’s sexual face through logic and contrary to popular opinion through emotions.   A woman’s sexual face is dominated by her vagina.  A woman’s vagina makes her sexual decisions for her and is RATIONALIZED by her logic, emotions, and other SOCIAL considerations.

                Consider the following scenario starring Dexter Goodbar.   The title of this scenario is, “So Who’s Your Friend?”

    *************

                Dexter Goodbar went to a private party at a hotel with some friends of his, John, Rob, and Frank.   Rob called the party a “Beautiful People Party.”  The attendees were primarily young, professional African-American men and women.  Most of the men were dressed up in suits with fresh haircuts and confident demeanors.   They gave off “Alpha Male” vibes.   The women were dressed in sexy dresses and looking like they were fashion models.   Dexter Goodbar was dressed in a simple shirt and slacks and quite frankly needed a shape up.   All eyes were on the fellas as they walked into the party.   John, Rob, and Frank immediately picked out women to strike up conversations with.  Dexter headed over to the buffet table, got some buffalo wings and found a table in the corner to sit down and eat.

                John approached a petite young lady who introduced herself as Pamela.  They talked for a bit about their jobs and the vibe of the party. 

                “I’ve been having a good time so far,” Pamela smiled.

                John looked Pamela up and down, “You look like you’re having a good time.  I’m enjoying the party already.”

                “I saw you walk in with a group of brothas.   Y’all turned a lot of heads.”

                “Yeah we’re looking good,” John said smugly thinking that Pamela was feeling him.

                Pamela looked toward the corner where Dexter was sitting and asked John. “So who’s your friend?”

    ********

                Rob was on the floor dancing with Barbara.   Barbara was a curvy sista with big breasts, small waist, and big booty and legs.   Rob focused intently on Barbara as they danced.  Barbara however seemed to be constantly looking past Rob.   After the song finished they walked off the floor.  Rob told her about his job, his future plans, his education, and the home he just bought.   Barbara responded politely but didn’t say much letting Rob talk.   Rob finished talking about himself and asked Barbara about her goals and ambitions.  

                “Nothing special.  Just getting my masters,” Barbara responded.   “That guy you walked in with.  What’s his name?”  

                “Which guy?” Rob asked, slightly annoyed, thinking she was talking about John or Frank.

                “That one over there in the corner eating the chicken wings.”  Barbara pointed to Dexter.   “So who’s your friend?”

    ********

                Frank chatted up Alicia, a slim sista with a pretty face, while they were in line getting some food.   The conversation was going well in Frank’s eyes.  She seemed like she was interested.   They got their food and looked around for a place to sit.   Every table had a group of people except for Dexter’s table where he was by himself.   Alicia started walking towards the table without saying anything to Frank.  Frank caught up with her.

                “So you want to sit over here in the corner?” Frank asked.

                “Yeah, I don’t think he will mind,” Alicia answered as they walked towards the table.

                “He shouldn’t. I know the brotha,” Frank said reluctantly.

                “Really? So who’s your friend?” Alicia asked a little too cheerfully as her pace quickened.

    *********

                Dexter didn’t get invited to anymore parties with the fellas.

                This scenario illustrates a very important point.  John, Rob, and Frank were SOCIAL alpha males.   They were young, in shape, dressed sharply, and very confident.  These traits appeal to women socially.  The women in the scenario were turned on by Dexter sexually.  Dexter appealed to their SEXUAL faces.

                The true player’s “game” is very simple.   He pays attention to the women around him and looks for clues that a particular woman is turned on sexually by him.   Few people have an understanding of how the true player operates.   They will see the true player talking to a woman and will see that she is definitely interested in seeing him naked.  They will observe his behavior and then try to mimic his actions.   For example some guys at a bar may see a true player rub a woman’s wrist while talking with her.   The woman is responding visibly.  The guys will then try the same thing on different women and fail miserably.   See the true player didn’t turn on the woman by rubbing her wrist.   She was turned on sexually when she first laid eyes on him.

                One of, if not, the biggest myths about women is that they are not turned on visually by a man.   Popular belief suggests that women are turned on by a man’s intelligence, resources, and how he makes them feel emotionally.   These attributes appeal to a woman’s SOCIAL face.   The woman’s SEXUAL face doesn’t care about all of that.   The woman’s sexual face is LOOKING for a man to make her vagina tingle.   When a woman sees a man she considers sexually appealing not only does her pupils dilate but her cervix as well.   A woman can literally have an orgasm just by looking at a man.   Sometimes a man with an intense stare can look a woman in her eyes and make her moan.  Ask me how I know.

                The woman’s sexual face doesn’t want the man’s car, house, job, or status.   The woman’s sexual face wants the man’s body to fuck the shit out of her.   The sexual face wants that raw, primal, scream at the top of the lungs, lose consciousness, speak in tongues, levitate off the bed type of fucking.   Not make love with rose petals and soft music playing in the background.  That’s more of a social thing.    That primal thing is a physical thing.  It doesn’t speak and quite frankly because of the suppression of female sexuality in most cultures, the average woman isn’t aware of her sexual face.   They think their social face represents their sexual nature.

                Until they run into somebody like Dexter Goodbar.  

                That’s why you will have a woman who is in a happy stable marriage in an upper middle class neighborhood all of a sudden run off to live with a man in a seedy neighborhood in an abandoned home.   That man appealed to the woman’s sexual face.

                Now two types of men generally appeal to a woman’s sexual face.   All women have individual preferences but if a man has one of two things going for him he will generally have more women than he knows what to do with.   The first thing is a good body.   People like to say that biggest sex organ is the brain meaning that imagination and creativity make sex enjoyable.  That’s a social thing with people who are sexually repressed.   Sex is a physical thing.  A man can have rose petals, music, chocolate, give massages, and even eat the pussy.   For the actual act of intercourse the woman has to be physically be comfortable with the idea of this man on top of her, under her, and behind her.   She has to physically want to have sex with the man.   This is more about the body than the face.   Many otherwise handsome men have trouble getting women unless they have money and status as well.

                Now the type of body depends on a woman’s preference.   In general women are turned on by muscular bodies.   A man who builds his muscles will always improve his chances to women.   Now some men aren’t as muscular but they have a body type that turns on a particular woman.   I have a friend I’ll call Sabrina.  Now Sabrina is a big girl about five-nine, size 16 but shapely.   She doesn’t have a fat stomach.  Her man, Donny, is six-seven over three hundred fifty solid pounds.  Sabrina and I were talking one day and I said, “Yeah you got that big, hominy grit eating muthafucka because you need somebody who can flip your phat ass over in bed.”  Sabrina busted out laughing and gave me a high five.   All women have a physical body type that get them open sexually.   The only real issue is that that the man who is sexually appealing to a woman is rarely the man who is socially appealing. 

                Think on this one.

                Now there are a minority of men who turn women on sexually but not because they have great bodies.   These men are extremely rare.   Women don’t get turned on by the bodies on these men.  These men get sex because for whatever reason they can appeal to a woman’s sexual face.  These men have sexual charisma.   I’ll use myself as an example.  I worked in an office job back in the day.  I had that Clark Kent thing going.  I wore big glasses and plain clothes to work.   I had a co-worker I’ll call Lauren.   Now Lauren was a self-professed gold-digger.   The type that was known by the pro athletes in DC.  Now I had a good body build but not like a pro-athlete and I certainly didn’t have their money.   It got back to me that Lauren said this about me, “Rom looks like a nerd but I betcha he can fuck.”   Many women will look at an otherwise plain man and get turned on.  

                  The true player has mastered the art of paying attention to a woman.   The true player rarely does a cold approach on a woman.   He looks for signs that she is sexually interested.   One thing I have always done is pay attention to how a woman looks at me.   There is a look that I can’t describe, or teach men to look for, when women is turned on by a man.   A man has to experience this look for himself.   This look may last only a second but a woman shows her sexual face in that second.  The true player recognizes the look and acts accordingly if he finds her attractive as well.

                Many men call themselves players and use status, money, and good conversation to get women.   They think it works.   Really it’s irrelevant.  Women make a decision when they first lay eyes on a man as to whether he is potentially a sex partner.  At this point a man can only blow his chances.   Many men blow it by talking too damn much.   Many men focus on developing the wrong things to attract women.   Any man who wants more women needs to focus on building their body and their sexual charisma.  Everything else is just extras.

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