Video: Losing Mr. Right
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The following is an excerpt from my unpublished manuscript, "Being Mr. Goodbar."
Many things I saw as Mr. Goodbar knowing full well others saw as well, but ignored the reality as a business executive ignores the reality of the homeless man in front of his office building. The reality I speak of and that which people choose to ignore or pretend doesn’t exist is that of unfaithful women. There was a time I wanted to ignore this reality as well regarding the few women I knew cheated on their mates as anomalies rather than the norm. Such was the naiveté of my younger years.
Mr. Goodbar sees with different eyes and this Mr. Goodbar sees with his third eye.
I wonder how many women I have been intimate with had another man they paraded publicly as their one and only while we sweated in a motel on the outskirts of the city. Was it 50 percent? 60? 70? 80? 90? Perhaps the question should be not how many of them had boyfriends or maybe even husbands but rather how many didn’t have a publicly acknowledged significant other.
For a long time such encounters didn’t betray my code of conduct, as their men were their problems and not mine. Whatever the requisite lie they told their men was not my business. I only needed to know when to call, when to show up and when to act like I didn’t know her.
How many times have I been the other man? Giving women delights their public paramours were unable or unwilling to provide.
So many times as their faces and names blur in my memory.
With one, her hardworking man couldn’t indulge her wish to dance and party. She saw something in me as we sat at the subway station waiting for our rush hour train. She said he wouldn’t understand her need to express herself with other men on the dance floor. Apparently not in a parking lot either as I grinded her against my car beginning foreplay which would culminate on her living room couch. Her bed was reserved for her man who would arrive at her apartment two hours after I climaxed.
With another it was on the rooftop of a university’s parking garage. For her the element of danger was her aphrodisiac as she provided oral stimulation in broad daylight stripped to the underwear bearing the color of her well-known sorority. She was a steady partner over the years as I provided adventure as a counter balance to her otherwise buppie existence. With her though I might have been one of many as her would be future husband toiled in a corporate office working for his piece of the American dream.
Sometimes it would be a brief affair as one would break up with her man as he failed to answer her ultimatum of “marriage or else." I gave her one more chance at guilt free sex before her man concluded that he wasn’t the player he thought he was and decided marriage wasn’t such a bad idea.
So many women, so many circumstances. I began to become weary of playing the game with another man’s woman. It wasn’t that someone’s man ever confronted me. Women are very good at cheating. She has her ingenuity and the man’s ego on her side. A woman can fix her husband’s breakfast in the morning, getting him off to work and the children off to school. The man and children are barely gone for five minutes when she gets in her car to ostensibly run errands but somehow ends up in small apartment 20 miles outside the city with a man of bulging muscles and Olympian stamina. After having her fill of him in more ways than one she is back home with the afternoon snack ready for the children and the beginning of dinner for the her husband. He is none the wiser as his ego tells him she is truly his woman even though they only have sex once a week and she’s always running errands.
One thing to realize is that men and women cheat differently. When men cheat they will take their women out on the town, especially if she is a pretty hot young thing. His ego swells as other men look on in jealousy. Yes, he is the man until his wife gets a phone call from her friend who asks why was the husband out with a girl half his age.
Women on the other hand keep their affairs private. They only need the man for one thing and this is easily accomplished in a hotel or apartment. For the truly bold, in her living room while her man is away.
I became disgusted not so much because they cheated on devoted men but how easily they would do so. It didn’t require a verbal enticement on my part nor showing the inadequacies of their men. Most often it was simply being available and down for whatever. Some cheated so easily that I would be surprised that they mentioned that they did indeed have mate. Other of my Brethren have regaled me with similar tales.
Even when I began to screen for women with men some would still slip through the barriers as the omission of the truth came easily in their pursuit of the intoxication I represented.
She was beautiful, a doctoral student with the body and confidence of an exotic dancer. She was stimulating both mentally and physically, having a grasp of politics and history that impressed me as I was used to conversations full of sexual innuendo. We were having a good time when she decided to be up front about her relationship situation.
“I have a boyfriend back home,” she told me apologetically.
My happy mood faded. “Why didn’t you tell me before we went out?”
“You wouldn’t have wanted to go out with me.”
I shook my head as I thought about what to do with her. She did have a nice booty. It wouldn’t be the first time I got with another man’s woman.
Honestly, many women are hypocrites. They will fill hotel ballrooms to hear about how and why men cheat but they never publicly want their own actions to face scrutiny. The cheating man is not getting with another man, the DL brothas being a tiny exception. Regardless of the cheating man, what’s said about the woman who cheats on her mate? They can pretend otherwise but my Brethren and I know what’s up.