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2014 Blog of the Year: Do The Work!!!

12/28/2014

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                So we've come to the end of 2014.  It's been a powerful year.  I want to thank all the people who have supported me on this journey.   In 2015 we will continue to rise and transform.   The following blog was originally posted on April 6, 2014.    It really sets the tone of the Nice Guys and Players Philosophy.   Enjoy and have a happy new year.

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            A few weeks ago I was driving to the mall with my sons and my cell phone started blowing up with texts.    Since I’m a responsible driver I didn’t look at the texts until I got to the mall and parked my car.   It was about 9 texts from a good friend I’ll call Roger (not his real name).   The texts were about some incidents that happened the day before.   To sum it up Roger had encounters with 6 or 7 women not including his actual girlfriend.   None of these incidents were platonic in nature.  I’ll let your imagination take over from there.    Now in the years I’ve known Roger he’s not the type to make things up.   He’s not one of those cats who will lie on his dick.   

            Now it makes sense that women find Roger attractive.    Men have jealously commented on his looks calling him a “Pretty Ricky.”  Plus he works out religiously.  On top of that he’s a poet/rapper with a pretty good video out.   He also has a strong sales background so he’s not shy about approaching people in general and women in particular.   This wasn’t always the case.

            As a teenager and young adult Roger was a very skinny and shy.   Women weren’t checking for him.   Roger was a frustrated young man.   Instead of going on the internet and complaining about “women wanting bad boys” and whining with other similar men, Roger decided to change his life.   He started first with his shyness.   Roger got involved in sales to specifically address his shyness.   As someone with a sales background myself I can tell you the sales profession cures anyone of shyness.   To succeed you not only have to be comfortable talking with different types of people but you have to become comfortable with rejection.   Even a master salesman will get rejected.   What the master salesman does, however, is not let the rejection bother him.  He learns from the rejection.  

            A few years after getting into sales Roger discovered my books, “Nice Guys and Players," and "Sexual Chemistry.”   My books put an emphasis on developing alpha male qualities.   Under my tutelage as well as Tantra masters Yao Nyamekye Morris and  Shantam Nityama,  Roger grew from a man who was too shy to talk to women to a man who has women routinely throwing the pussy at him.   I’m not exaggerating.   When women are sexually turned on by a man they become very aggressive.  Ask me how I know.

            The takeaway from this story is that Roger DID THE WORK!!!   The internet is full of websites, blogs, and videos of men who have trouble connecting with women on any level.   The one theme connecting all of this is that women don’t want nice guys, beta males, omega males, etc.   Now a man when faced with a problem can do one of two things.  He can complain with other similarly situated men.   What they are doing is sharing the problem and blaming everything and everyone instead of doing the one thing they need to do:  change the man in the mirror.

            Other men when confronted with the same issue will look in the mirror and make the changes.   A male becomes a man when he takes responsibility for his own life.   A real man will look at his circumstances and instead of blaming everybody else will say, “Things are going to be different.”  A man can only control one thing in his life: himself.   A man has to DO THE WORK!!!   Let me share a story from my past.

            I’m a person who can put on weight easily if I don’t consciously make an effort to work out. Back in the late eighties I was in one of my overweight periods.   I came to a defining moment in my life one evening.   There was a Prince concert.  I took as my date a hot Italian friend of mine I’ll call Maria.  Now me and Maria weren’t quite platonic as we had made out before and grinded at a party.   We had not had intercourse either.   For this concert Maria had on a full body cat suit and some heels.   Damn she was hot and sexy.   So we had a good time at the concert and I was thinking since we had kissed before she would want to have sex.   When I brought it up she told me straight up she didn’t want to because I was so big.   My response was, “okay.”   See most men would be pissed and entitled if they had paid for the date.  One thing about me is that I always learn from rejection and I would rather deal with an honest woman than one trying play me.   

            After that incident I started running to lose weight.   I vowed never to be that close to a woman that hot and sexy and lose out because of my weight which was something I could control.   Now I never did get with Maria sexually but after losing about 30 pounds three equally hot and sexy women sucked my dick within weeks of each other.  Two of these women had previously friendzoned me. The reason was that I DID THE WORK!!!

            Complaining about women and their dating choices doesn’t do any good.   I personally don’t see women changing their criteria because men are complaining on the blogs and videos.   In fact, women tell men what they want by their actions.  Women in general go for assertive men with nice bodies.   Even though women choose the men, men are still expected to approach.    When women choose they choose by being receptive to the man.  The man still has to have the balls to take the initiative.   If a man is shy he needs to do whatever it takes to get over that shyness.   Roger did so by getting into sales.   Another man may do so by speaking to random women throughout his day.   DO THE WORK!!!

            Most men are rejected by women because the women are not PHYSICALLY attracted to them.   Forget all that nonsense in the media about a woman not caring about looks.   A man’s looks includes his body build.   Women are turned on by a man’s body period.   I’ve known male exotic dancers who pull out wads of cash like they’re drug dealers.   There’s always discussions on the internet and in the real world about why women like “Bad Boys.”   People make the mistake of focusing on the personality traits of these men.   The personality traits are virtually irrelevant with the exception of being assertive.   I have had honest conversations with a few thousand women about their preferences in men.   Regardless of the personality traits they desired which was across the board, the women all expressed a preference for a body type.   Most women prefer men with athletic builds.  Not big and bulky like a professional body builder but not quite slim like a basketball player.   There are women, however, who prefer big and bulky, and those who prefer slim.    The bottom line is that women have a body preference.   When men wonder why a woman likes a particular bad boy, I would say ask the woman what she likes in a man physically.   A church going man with the same body type would at least get a look from the woman.   The physical piece is important because a woman has to be sexually attracted to a man.   Contrary to popular sentiment women are as visual as men.   A gym membership will at a minimum draw more attention from women.  The key is that the man has to DO THE WORK!!!

            Ultimately a man has to make a choice.  Does he continue to be lonely and sexually frustrated and blame the world?  Does he do the work to be surrounded by sexy women and have a fulfilling sex life?  

            The real man chooses the second option.  He will DO THE WORK!!!

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The Real Man - The Real Deal

12/21/2014

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 The following is an excerpt from my book Sexual Chemistry - Nice Guys and Players Level II:                       

           
In Nice Guys and Players, I added a fifth category to the four categories of men.   The fifth category of man I called The Real Man.

 
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            I had mix feelings about including the Real Man category.  On one hand I was glad I did because quite frankly there are a few men who do not fit into one of the four main categories.  A man goes into the Real Man category after he evolves out of the four main categories.   My first book was geared to evolving men into the Real Man.    On the other hand the inclusion of the Real Man category let many men off the hook.  In seminars and talking with individual men, many would say that they are the Real Man.   Yet their aura and actions would suggest otherwise.   Many people will seriously believe that they have their act together when this is far from the case.   I let the men believe what they wanted to but in reality they were far from being in the Real Man category.

            The following is, as a friend would say, the “Real Deal Holyfield” definition of a Real Man:

            The Real Man is the man, who has developed all three components of sexual chemistry i.e. his inner masculine nature, his sexual charisma, and physical/organic appearance. These components are not only fully developed but they are under the full control of a man’s will in the sense that his libido serves him and not the other way around.   The Real Man is the man who has fully developed his will and is able to make the correct decision at the crossroads.

            The Real Man is the one who has mastered the art of discipline.   Outside forces cannot control this man.  This man does not take action based on emotion. This man does not let his sex drive control him.   He does not play games or wear a mask to hide his true face.   He is not a passive bystander in the game of life.   He is a hawk who soars above the crowd.  

            The key to understanding the Real Man is in relation to how he controls his sex drives.   The key word here is “control.”   There are many men who believe they control their sex drives when in reality they are suppressed.  For an example let’s use two different men, Eric and Gary.  Eric is a 30 year-old man with a good body build, average looks, and a pleasant demeanor.   He is an avid reader of the Bible and he spends a great deal of time at his church.   His parents were very strict as he grew up.  Eric’s main peers are primarily people from his church.  Eric is a virgin because he is waiting for marriage and he believes that pre-marital sex is a sin because of what the church, his parents, and his peers believe.   Now Eric may believe he is a Real Man because of his discipline in sexual matters.  

            Gary is a 30 year-old man with a good body build, average looks, and a pleasant demeanor.   Gary comes from a broken home and though he believes God exists Gary has no desire to step foot in a church.  Gary never knew his father and his mother paid little attention to him as he was growing up.   As result Gary fell into a bad crowd.   He was sexually active since he was ten.    By the time Gary reaches adulthood he had slept with more women than he could remember.   As Gary gets older, however, he begins to be pickier about the women he deals with.   By the time he is thirty Gary decides to not have sex until he meets a woman who would be good marriage material.

            Now which man is the Real Man?   If you picked Gary you are correct.   A Real Man controls his own sexual drives because he makes the decision to do so.   If someone controls their sexual drives because of outside influences they are not really in control.   Using the above examples, Eric may think he is control of his sexual drives but in reality he is suppressed.  The agents of suppression in this case are church doctrines, his parents, and his peers.  Eric believes that pre-marital sex is a sin.  Therefore he doesn’t have sex because he has a fear of sinning.  His parents and his peers support this fear.   Looking at it another way Eric would not have kept his sex drives under control if the fear element was not present.  

            Gary on the other hand, controls his sexual drives based on his personal decision.   He was not forced to do it by outside forces nor was fear a factor.  Gary’s issue was a loss of control of his sex drives.  He simply got tired of having meaningless sex with different women.   Outside factors did not play a role because Gary’s peers and certain factors in society supported Gary’s previous lifestyle.   If anything Gary is going against the grain.   By making the decision to be celibate until finding a woman who was marriage material Gary gained control over his sex drive.

            The vast majority of people in society tend to fall either into the category of fear being a factor in their sexual life or a loss of control being a factor. The factors are subconscious in nature.  Someone may think fear or loss of control is not present in their personalities but honest self-examination or more importantly, honest friends, will show one or the other to be the case.   The four categories of men each fall into one of the factors.  For Nice Guys fear is a factor in their sexual lives.  This fear can come from a number of sources.  It can be religious, psychological, or cultural.  The result is always the same.  This fear will have a suppressive effect on the sex drive of the Nice Guy.   The Gamesman is the opposite.  They have a loss of control issue, which is why Gamesmen will try to hit on every woman in their vicinity.  The Gamesmen are being guided by their sex drives and not the other way around.  The Masked Man will either have a loss of control issue or a fear issue.   The mask will cover up these issues.

            Mr. Goodbar is interesting in that he doesn’t have the fear factor that would suppress his sexual energy but he also doesn’t have as big an issue with the loss of control issue.   As a group, Mr. Goodbars are more a balance of the two with a slight lean to the loss of control side.    Keep in mind that one of things that attract women to Mr. Goodbar is that he is a challenge.  Mr. Goodbar has the ability to resist the advances of women.   In other words he has some level of sexual discipline.   Of the four groups Mr. Goodbar has the greatest potential to evolve into the Real Man.  All it takes is a greater development of his will.

 

            The Real Deal about the Will

 

            Many people walk around feeling like they have a strong will.   They will point to their accomplishments or their material possessions or that they can be stubborn.   These same people will have problems with addictions, infidelity, and a host of problems that plague them.  Many stubborn people feel they have a strong will when in reality they may be stubborn because of pride or a false belief imposed on them by outside forces.  The will is the ability to make a decision without coercion from any source whether it is outside factors or inner factors such as emotions and libido.  The vast majority of people make decisions based on greater society, their peers, their emotions, and a host of other factors.  The sad reality is that the overwhelming majority people do not have control over their lives.  The current of life is simply sweeping them along.  The following examples will illustrate my point.

            Donny is a man whose will is asleep.  He dresses according to the latest fad because everybody else is doing it.  Donny constantly gets into bad relationships because they are dictated not by common sense but rather by his lust.   He drives an expensive car he can’t afford because he sees other people with the same car.  He believes almost everything he hears that comes from a source he believes to be authoritative.  Donny never stands out in any crowd because he never does anything apart from the crowd.   Everything Donny does is dictated by outside forces. 

            George has an awakened will.  George dresses according to his personal tastes and he isn’t concerned about the latest fads because he realizes that fads always fade out leaving him with more clothes than he needs.   George always has positive relationships because even though he has a strong sex drive he doesn’t allow it to make his relationship decisions.   He will skip over the woman with the knockout body and take the woman who may be slightly overweight because she will be better for his personal growth.  He picked his car based on reliability and affordability rather than popularity.  George never believes something simply because he read it or heard it from someone claiming to be an authority.  He always checks out information for himself and determines whether it can have positive application in his life.   George always stands out in a crowd because he is not content to blindly follow others.

            The Real Man is the man who has fully developed his will.   There is no partially or little bit to this.   When I say fully I mean fully.  If a man takes actions based on fear he has not fully developed his will. Wayne dreams of starting a business because he can’t stand his job.  Instead of actually starting a business Wayne comes up with several excuses such as keeping the bills paid, job benefits, inability to get a business loan, etc.   All the excuses are superficial.   Wayne doesn’t start a business because he has a fear of failure.   His decision not to start a business is dictated by fear.  

            Another man, Trevor, wants to start a business.   He is not able to do so because instead of taking the steps necessary to get a business started he is busy spending his money recklessly and chasing women.   He can’t figure out why he can’t seem to get going.   Trevor isn’t restrained by fear.   He is confident he can make it in any business.   Trevor’s problem is that he is not disciplined enough to focus on the mundane aspects of starting a business. 

            Steve is a man with a fully developed will.   His wants a business providing health services to people because he feels it’s his life purpose.   He doesn’t have any fear issues and he is very disciplined.  He doesn’t allow outside factors to control his decisions.  

            The will is about freedom.  Freedom to make a choice based on what’s best for one’s self.  This choice isn’t based on emotion because emotions often override common sense and cause us to do things that will be detrimental in the long run.  The divorce courts are full of people who made decisions based on emotions.  The will is about making a decision free from outside coercion such as friends, family, institutions, and inner coercions such as lust or other emotions.  Sometimes our friends and family want us to do things based more on their views and biases as opposed to what is best for ourselves.   A man with a fully developed will is his own man. We all have individual paths to follow.   More than anything else the will is about making the correct decision at the crossroads.

 

            The Crossroads

 

            In the “Real Deal Holyfield” definition of a Real Man I said the following:

            The Real Man is the man who has fully developed his will and is able to make the correct decision at the crossroads.

The crossroads is that the key point in everyone’s life where they will make a decision that will affect the direction and quality of their life until they reach the next crossroads.   Crossroads are both major and minor events with major implications.  Sometimes we are aware of these implications and most often we are not.  Major crossroad events are college graduations, moving to a new city, a marriage ceremony, the birth of a child, the death of a loved one, and other major events in one’s life.   Minor crossroads events can be taking a different path to work or not talking to the person sitting next to you on a train.   All crossroads events are life altering even if a person doesn’t realize it at the time.  The major ones are obvious. Events like college graduations and marriage are new beginnings in people’s lives.   Events like taking a different path to work or not talking to the person next to you on the train are minor but can have major implications.  For example, taking a different path to work may seem minor and nothing eventful may happen in the person’s life for a long time.  If, however, that person took their regular path to work they would have been killed in an auto accident.  By not talking to the person sitting next to them on the train a person may miss out on a potential mate or some other opportunity.  

            It tough to know when one is at a crossroads situation.   It takes some practice and reflection on one’s life.   I would suggest all men and women reading this take the time out to look at the major events in their lives good and bad.  Some of these situations were the crossroads while the rest of the situations resulted from making a poor decision at the crossroads.   People are at the places they are in life because of their decisions at key points in their lives.   People frequently made the wrong decisions in their lives because instead of using their will to make the best decision they allowed outside forces to decide for them.

            With regard to relationships many men make the wrong move at the crossroads.  The vast majority of men make decisions based on their libido as opposed to what’s in their long-term best interest.   Now don’t get me wrong, there isn’t anything wrong with the libido.  The issue is whether the libido is the master of man or man is the master of the libido.   For example you have two men, Kevin and Calvin.  Kevin is led by his libido when he reaches the crossroads.   He will see a woman with a bomb body and drop everything to chase her.   Kevin’s biggest priority is chasing women.  Everything he does in life is geared to women.  As a result he doesn’t have much going for him otherwise.  A bomb body turns on Calvin as any other man.   Calvin, however, will weigh going after the woman with other considerations in his life.   If going after a particular woman will not interfere with his overall life objective he will precede.  If he feels that a woman will take him out of his life objective he will leave her alone.   By exercising his will Calvin has avoided many of the pitfalls relationships can bring.

            We all come to the crossroads.  These situations involve making a choice.  The choice is the difference between success and failure in any situation.   We are able to make the best choice when we have the will to resist being coerced by emotions, family, friends, or society.   Most of us make poor choices, which lead to lackluster lives.   The only way to truly succeed in life is to develop the ability to make choices free of coercion.  

            Let’s Get Real  

            It’s time for men in society to develop their will.  With society in the state that it’s in we cannot have men who are content to lead mediocre lives.   It’s the time for leaders, and not followers.  It’s the time for heroes who are going correct the ills of society starting from their corner of it.   It’s time for men who are going to make a difference.  It’s time to get real.  Many men will say that they are the Real Man but when they reach the crossroads their actions do not back up their words.  It’s time to walk the walk.

 


         Click here to order a signed copy of Sexual Chemistry.
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No Incentive to be a Good Man

12/14/2014

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            I’m going to share a major frustration I’ve had over the years.   I’ve been writing books and conducting seminars on male/female relationships since 1997.   Even though I’ve written some things for women my main focus has been on self-development for men.   I’ve done books, seminars, and one-on-one coaching with hundreds of men from teenagers to even a few old enough to be my father.   My main theme is simply standing up and being a good, responsible, honorable man.   As I say in my books, a Real Man.   Sounds good in theory.   The men for their part are willing to listen because most of the men I have talked to have been generally good guys.  Even the players I’ve talked to had generally good character traits.   There’s a big problem.  I can write and tell men to be Good Men until my chocolate skin turns blue.  A big problem is that it doesn’t seem like the Good Men are winning as far as getting women.

            Let’s be raw about it.   The Bad Boys are winning the sexy woman sweepstakes.   Even the Plain Janes are jumping over the Good Men in order to be in the rotation for the Bad Boys.   I know this not from the men but from what WOMEN are telling me.  I’m not exaggerating when I’ve said I’ve talked with thousands of women.   Through seminars, and book signings I’ve met women who have told me all their business.   Even on day jobs including sales jobs I’ve talked with a lot of women.   Women in general say they want a monogamous Good Man but the men they have the vagina tingles for are the womanizing players.   A woman can have five single and available Good Men interested in her but she is willing to be the side piece for the married Bad Boy.       Publically this same woman will go to seminars or on national TV and complain about the shortage of Good Men.  

            This is where the problem starts.  The woman may think she’s being slick and discreet with her married Bad Boy.   That Bad Boy though isn’t being discreet.   I want the women in particular who read this blog to understand one very important thing.  No matter how discreet a woman think she is being she is still dealing with a man who is not being discreet.   That man is going to tell SOMEBODY his business.   I know women who can keep things quiet.   Women are slicker than men when it comes to cheating.   Men though are going to tell somebody even it’s just his homie.   Thing is the homie is going to tell somebody else.   You got all these men dry snitching on themselves to the point where it WILL get back to the Good Men.   So the Good Man wonders why women are not trying to get at them but are spreading their legs wide open for a Bad Boy.  

            Let me share a scenario that many Good Men have shared with me over the years.  The story is always the same.  A Good Man will have a romantic interest in a woman and start dating her.   She may kiss him but they will not be sexually intimate.  She will come up with several reasons why they can’t have sex yet.   Some are religious, some have to do with “90 day rules,” and most often the woman will say she has to get to know the man.   The man, being good, will respect her wishes and think he has a good woman.   One way or the other the Good Man finds out that this woman who he was respecting has been having sex with another man.   The worst scenario is when a man catches who he thought to be his woman with another man in a sexually intimate situation.   One account that was shared with me is when this man as a college student was dealing with a fellow student.   He thought she was beautiful and nice, a good girl.   He respected her desire to wait for sex.   Yeah.   His heart was broken when she walked into a room at a party and saw her with four men.   She was sucking one man’s dick while another was doing her doggy style.   The other two men were waiting their turns.

            Here’s my thing.  Good Men really have little incentive to be good.   Men do what they do because they are motivated by the desire for sex.   I’ve always said that you can kill a man’s desire to achieve anything in his life if you convince him that no matter what he does, he will not get sex from a woman.   Men are booty-motivated.   Men create because of a desire to impress women in order to get sex.   Men want that reward.   That’s why so many men are dropping out of society.   They tried to do the right things but they weren’t rewarded.   It’s something that goes back to their teenage years.

            There are many teenage boys who study hard, go to church, help in the community, and stay out of trouble.   Those things don’t seem to impress the young girls.   If the teenage boy is deemed very cute he may still get some play.   The average boy though is just that, average.   The average male will not look good physically until his thirties.  If you look at a lot of male Hollywood sex symbols they were geeky as teenagers.   By the time a man has reached his thirties he has put some muscle on his frame or maybe lost some baby fat.  Weight loss or muscle gain affects a man’s facial structure which can make him more handsome.   In addition by his thirties the average man will be into his career and thus he will walk and talk with more confidence.  

            Now some men will become more handsome and confident but many more will just continue the pattern that was established when they were teenagers.   No matter what good qualities they have or develop, they will see young girls throw themselves at a Bad Boy for no other real than he has a cute dimpled smile.   The Bad Boy’s secret is not his personality despite what people think.  Bad Boys get attention because of his face and/or body build.   I have never in my life encountered an overweight, and ugly Bad Boy.   An ugly male with Bad Boy traits is called a creep by women.

            Many boys and young men see the handwriting on the wall.   That the reason why a lot of young boys, especially in the Black community, do not do well in school.   They don’t see the boys who are excelling academically getting the girls.   They don’t see the boys who are volunteering at church getting the girls.   They don’t see the boys who aren’t sagging their pants, and don’t have a bunch of tattoos winning with the girls.   Somebody can make the argument that there are good boys who do win but is it because these boys are “good” or because they are very cute?  

            Even as adults it’s hard to tell men to be honorable and responsible when it doesn’t seem apparent that this works with women.   Once again this isn’t coming from the men.   When women talk about a particular man with me it is EXTREMELY rare that she talks about his character traits.   Usually they are talking about his looks or his sex appeal.   This is coming not only from young girls but from women old enough to be my mother.   So for me that’s women in their sixties and seventies still picking men the same way they picked when they were teenagers.   

            I’ve mentioned this in a blog before and it bears being mentioned again.   Before I wrote my first relationship book both men and women used to ask me to teach them how to be a dog.   When I was younger I was very emotionally distant.   It used to stimulate that sense of longing that turns many women on sexually.   It was hard for me to tell a man that he needed to have good character traits when he saw me getting attention from a woman by being cold and distant.  Men out here are doing all the things women say they want in man.  The secret is that women want these good character traits in a man they deem to be sexually attractive.   The women in the forums and on social media are only talking about fifteen percent of the male population.   The average man sees this and comes to resent the select men and the women who love them.  

            Many men are asking, “What the point?”   For most men there is no incentive to be a Good Man.

           

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Chasing The Perfect Man

12/7/2014

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            The very first thing I published back in 1995 was a short story called “The Perfect Man.”   It was a about a man named Mark Black who was in relationships with two different women.   With one woman he was the perfect Bourgie Brotha.   He had a college degree, a great job, and was content with living a Black Professional lifestyle.  He was all about making connections and striving for something more.    With the other woman Mark was perfect because he allowed her to control the relationship.  All she cared about was that Mark did whatever she wanted him to do.   The theme of the story was that Mark was wearing a mask to get sex from these women.   He wasn’t interested in living in the world of the Black Bourgeoisie and beyond sex he wouldn’t deal with a woman trying to control him.   They fell for him because he was “The Perfect Man.”

            Now when I wrote and published the story I wasn’t involved in the relationship advice industry.  Honestly didn’t care about it at the time.   When I wrote the story my intention was to learn the publishing process.   So I printed a few hundred copies of “The Perfect Man” and sold copies to friends at work and also at trade shows.   My girlfriend at the time even sold copies to guys who had been trying to hit on her.   For some reason they were the most critical.  I wonder why?   Anyway other than the would-be suitors, the reaction to the story was interesting.   Men who read the story identified with a mentor type character in the story named Jim.   Jim dropped serious game on Mark.   The women who read the story had a more intense reaction.

            I wasn’t really trying to make any socio-political statements with the story.   Yet many women who read the story said I made them think about their relationship choices.   I particularly remember a long conversation with one woman who said my story made her really look at herself in the mirror.   A mentor of mine said that a person’s destiny will find them no matter how hard they run.   The women’s reaction to my story made me really look at male/female relationships in a different way.   Subconsciously when I wrote the story I was expressing an observation I had made since I was little:  many women are looking for the Perfect Man.

            Women like to say they are looking for a “Real Man.”   Most of them who say this are not only lying to other people but to themselves.   Now I’ve gone on record as saying I wouldn’t publically teach game.   That being said I will share some things if I think the ultimate result will be to help people have better relationships.   What I will share now is some realities about male/female dynamics that from what I’ve seen only professional psychologists and counselors have addressed.   Unfortunately, these professionals aren’t photogenic enough to get daytime TV shows and thus we listen to loud suited comedians.

            Many otherwise intelligent women are secretly looking for a Perfect Man.   They may not even be conscious of this search.   See it’s not so much about love as it is about LONGING.   Many women instead of saying “I love you” to a man should instead say “I long for you.”   Thing is they are not longing for an authentic man with the same human flaws as everyone else.   They are looking for that superman who can make everything in their lives better and in a nutshell make them feel good.  When women have all these multi point lists they are longing for the things they THINK will make them happy.   When a woman tells me her list of what she wants in a man I ask her one simple question:  Have you ever met a man who has had these qualities?   Most women cannot answer this question.  Many will be silent or change the subject.   A few have mentioned men that looked like they had the qualities they wanted from a distance.  My next question is, “Have you been in relationship with this man?”   The answer has always been no.

            So there’s two problems.  One, many women are searching for men they are not even sure exists.   Two, even if a woman meets a man who fits her criteria she finds out the hard way that they are not compatible.   I’ll get into that later.   First I want to talk about what creates this longing in women.

            Many women grow up without a father in the home.  Many other women will have a father in the home but he was emotionally distant.    In a little girl this creates a longing for a connection to her father.   It usually doesn’t happen.   When the little girl hits puberty and starts lusting for boys she will instinctively look for boys who resemble her father in personality and in some cases, physical appearance.   An old saying in the streets is that a thug is very protective of his daughter because he knows she will bring home somebody that is just like him.   Now if the father is an outstanding person and involved in his daughter’s life this can be a good thing.   Very often it also the reverse.  Another rarer dynamic is that the father was very outstanding and no boys measure up in the eyes of the girl.   The bottom line is that a girl will develop a longing for a certain type of man.  Let’s add some more to this mix.

            The first three males a girl sleeps with creates an imprint in a woman’s subconscious.   She will subconsciously search for men who have a combination of the personality and physical traits of her first three men.   Let’s say a girl’s first three boys were the student class president, the captain of the football team, and the star basketball player.   I guarantee when that woman is 35 and unmarried she’s not going to be happy with any man who is not a star.  This is regardless of how devoted and loving lesser men are towards her.   The first three men for most women though were losers and sadly in many cases degenerate uncles and cousins.  In these cases the average woman will look for traits she deems to be opposite of the degenerates.  The only problem is that she may not have a living model to go on.   This brings me to the next and final ingredient to the mix.

            A whole industry exists that plays into the desire for women to have the Perfect Man.  That is the romance novel industry.   Included in that I would add romantic comedy movies and even some scandalous TV shows.  Even reality dating shows play into this desire for the Perfect Man.   Now someone may say that the men in these romance novels are far from perfect.   I would counter that even their imperfections play to a woman’s desire for a Perfect Man.   The problem is that women will read these novels and watch these shows and start to desire the same type of men.   See the subconscious doesn’t distinguish between fiction and non-fiction.   Now a woman may consciously know that someone like her wouldn’t be able to have an affair with a rich, handsome, and powerful man but in her imagination it’s hot and heavy.   The imagination is powerful.   If a person imagines they have a Porsche in the driveway long enough one day they will walk outside and wonder why the Porsche isn’t in their driveway.   This is why people become delusional.  

            So all of these factors are going on to cause a woman to look for the Perfect Man.   Here’s the REAL game.  Most men who become good with getting women play into a woman’s desire for the Perfect Man.   That’s it.   For me to teach game I would teach a man how to wear the mask of the Perfect Man.   Indeed a pragmatic woman who can accept men as they are, flaws and everything, is impossible to game.   Indeed pragmatic women are usually the ones who will find happiness with either one man or have several men lined up for her affections.   This is the type of woman who can be happy with an average looking man making a modest salary for no other reason than they get along and he’s good to her.   Most women though are chasing a fantasy man.   Every man they meet no matter how much he has going for him is competing against her idea of the Perfect Man.   Let’s me show how this plays out using the four categories of men I talk about.

            Mr. Goodbar, more than anything else understands a woman’s desire for a perfect man and plays her like a violin.   The things with Mr. Goodbar is two PRIMARY things.   One he is physically attractive enough to draw a woman’s attention to him.   Though he may not be “damn he’s fine as fuck,” he looks good enough for a woman to at least give him the time of day.   The second thing is that a true Mr. Goodbar tends to be emotionally distant.   His true secret is NOT his looks.   There are handsome Masked Men, Gamesmen, and even Nice Guys.   The TRUE Mr. Goodbar by being NATURALLY emotionally distant stimulates a sense of longing in a woman.   The average woman confuses longing with being “in love.”   Mr. Goodbar knows how to stimulate that sense of longing.   Thing is it isn’t something he learned rather something that’s already in his personality.   A reality is that Goodbars are born and not made.   Most have mommy issues but that’s another blog.

            The Masked Man is someone who through hard work has become the image of the Perfect Man.   Most women who search for the Perfect Man are middle to upper middle class professionals.  Say what you want about ratchets but they tend to be pragmatic.   Ratchets typically aren’t reading romance novels and having fantasies about a man’s true nature.  In some places that could get them raped and killed.   For their very survival they have to face reality.   Most game taught on the internet doesn’t work with ratchets.  Middle class woman on the other hand tend to be sheltered.  Also because of class differences they may not be feeling a dope boy unless he’s extremely fine.   The Masked Man appeals primarily to women looking for a professional or successful business owner.   In lower class environments women may look for the steady employed blue collar man.   For a man to qualify as a Masked Man he has to have not only money but also he HAS to be physically good looking.   A man qualifies as a Masked Man when a woman can check off most of her list when she meets him.   The thing is he may not stimulate that DEEP longing in her but she will tell herself that he has the traits to make her happy.

           The major issue women will have with Mr. Goodbar and the Masked Man is compatibility.   Beyond sex, most women are not going to get along with Mr. Goodbar.   Emotional distance may create sexual tension but will not work when a couple needs to plan a life together.   With Masked man, women find that once they get past the mask they are disappointed and incompatible with the man under the mask.   Many women who marry rich and handsome men end up cheating with an broke average man for no other reason than that they have compatible personalities.


            The Gamesman doesn’t stimulate longing in most women and he doesn’t fit the image of the Perfect Man.   Women settle for him or try to change him into the image of the Perfect Man.   The Gamesman wins by being persistent with women.   Most women are annoyed by Gamesmen which is the real issue with the anti-street harassment campaigns.

            The Nice Guy’s issue is that he definitely doesn’t fit the image of the Perfect Man.   He’s not emotionally distant enough to stimulate a woman’s longing and he tends to be average looking.   Indeed the Nice guy tends to be emotionally available.   This doesn't turn a woman on.  Even if he is good looking it doesn’t come across as erotically stimulating to a woman.  Even if he making six figures and owns a big house and car, his affluence may not come across in his visual presentation to the woman.

            I have talked with literally thousands of women in my nearly fifty years of life on this planet.   Many women honestly want to know why they keep getting played.   It’s how they are choosing the men.   Men are only REACTING to women’s choices.  If women collectively said they wanted pirates, within a month most men will be walking around with eye patches and parrots on their shoulders. A whole industry to cater to this would spring up overnight.   The men who are great in the game have simply figured out how to be perfect in a woman’s eyes long enough to get sex.   If woman want a change they have to examine their desire for the Perfect Man.

 

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