The following is an excerpt from my book, Sexual Chemistry.
When a man sees a woman with a slamming face and body he goes into a trance. While in this trance he has to possess this woman. He will do whatever it takes to possess her. With the exception of Mr. Goodbar, men will go through personality changes to be with these women or use something artificial to acquire these women. The Masked Man will use his status and money. The Gamesman will use some type of game. The Nice Guy will become her best friend. In the eyes of men these women are icons. These women are perfectly formed goddesses who must be possessed at all costs. That is where men get in trouble. In their haste to “acquire” these women it is not taken into account that these women are living, breathing people. These women are treated like objects that are often discarded once the men has gotten used to them and sees that they are regular persons.
At the same time it’s the nature of men to be drawn to extremely attractive women. Nature made men this way for a reason. So there is a situation where men are treating extremely attractive women as objects on one hand and on the other hand men are going to be drawn to extremely attractive women anyway. The key is for men to see extremely attractive women in a different light. Before I go further I want to clarify what I mean by “extremely attractive women.” An extremely attractive woman as I use the term means two things. One is a woman who is the female equivalent of Mr. Goodbar, a Ms. Goodbar. These are the women who can walk into a room of 100 men of different races, nationalities, social classes, and be considered attractive by 90 of the men. These are the women whose appeal transcends cultural biases. The second type of woman is one who is considered extremely attractive to maybe a few men. She may walk into a room with the same 100 men and be considered attractive to 5 of the men. To those five she is the most beautiful woman in the world. All women are extremely attractive to somebody. Men have to learn to treat the women THEY consider attractive in a different way.
Speaking from personal experience, I have dated several extremely attractive women in my life. I have been friends with several more similarly attractive women. These women were not just attractive in my perception but to many other men and women as well. I’m talking about women who have placed in beauty contests, a couple of women who have been in national magazines, exotic dancers, and models. One thing struck me about these women. These women had very down to earth personalities once you got past their looks. These women had the same interests as anyone other woman. These women had interests ranging from science fiction novels to action movies to politics to religious matters. I knew a couple of extremely attractive women who were working on PhDs. These women were not trying to live the glamorous life. Most of these women are just like any other woman walking down the street in that they wanted a good man and family in their lives.
Many people may disagree with what I just wrote. They may say that these women have stuck-up attitudes and are standoffish and mean. I must admit that some of the extremely attractive women I have dealt with can come off this way. There is an explanation for this behavior. These attitudes are really defense mechanisms against men making unwanted advances and jealous women. I’ll get to the actions of men in a second. Many extremely attractive women catch hell from other women. For example, Kathy is a very beautiful woman with a beautiful personality. Despite this, women who don’t know her very well will go as far as to make up lies about Kathy, especially to men who may be showing an interest. Women are very competitive with each other. Very few women can handle being around a woman who gets more attention than they do. There are situations where several women may gang up on one extremely attractive woman. Several extremely attractive women have told me that they didn’t have a lot of female friends for this reason.
The issues with men are more obvious. Extremely attractive women will be the recipients of unwanted advances by men several times a day. Sometimes these women have to fend off advances by lesbians. This woman may be going to work, to school, shopping, or wherever. In other words there is someplace she is trying to go. There is nothing more irritating to a woman than to be constantly bothered by strangers trying to talk to her.
The situation wouldn’t be as bad if many men knew how to talk to women in public. It amazes me to hear adult men who cannot walk up to a woman and simply introduce himself politely. It saddens me to hear grown men say “Hey baby” followed by a corny line. Then when the woman ignores the man he gets more aggressive and sadly in too many cases may refer to her as a “bitch.” Men will approach these women incorrectly and then get an attitude when the women don’t respond.
Men having certain attitudes about extremely attractive women can hurt them in other ways as well. For example, Jason, a Masked Man, comes from an upper middle-class background. He meets Michelle who not only has an extremely attractive face and body but she also has a great job making lots of money and is educated with two advanced degrees. Jason assumes she is from the same background. Jason and Michelle meet at a club and they talk about their jobs, their college and grad school years, and their plans for the future. They seem to have a lot in common. They go to dinner at an expensive restaurant the next week. As they are talking the subject of welfare comes up. Jason tears into people on welfare and people from poor backgrounds. Jason is having a good ole time and is laughing at his own jokes. He doesn’t seem to notice that Michelle isn’t laughing. Jason takes Michelle to her home and expects to be invited in. Michelle thanks Jason for the evening and then tells him to never call her again. Jason demands an explanation. Michelle explains that her family was on welfare as she grew up and that she’s not ashamed of her background, and that she has many relatives still living under those conditions. In this case Jason’s negative attitude hurt his chances to get to know a great woman.
The Background of Extremely Attractive Women
My point with the above example is that these women don’t come out of a vacuum. These women typically don’t come out of families where everyone looks like a movie star. Many of these women come out of very down to earth families. One observation I have made over the years is that many of the extremely attractive women we see walking down the street may be from dysfunctional backgrounds. This is especially the case if the woman has a high level of sexual charisma. Let me clarify this before I go further. Up to this point I had labeled extremely attractive women into one large group. The reality is that extremely attractive women are in three groups, which for simplicity I will label the Nice Girls, Masked Women, and Ms. Goodbars. The Nice Girl is the woman who may only be extremely attractive to a few men. Most men will find them physically unappealing. The Masked Woman is the woman who has a beautiful face and slamming body, but does not generate a lot of sexual chemistry. A man will generally go for the pretty face and nice body but if he gets into a relationship with a Masked Woman he may feel something is missing. Many women have soft exteriors and hard interiors. Many women are too defensive with men and as a result cannot turn them on. The Masked Women are unable to access their inner feminine energy, which will make them more receptive to men in the right situations.
The Ms. Goodbars of the world are at least minimally in touch with their inner feminine and have a high level of sexual charisma. These are the women who may not seem as physically attractive as some other women but there will be something about them that draws men to them. If one were to think about it, the women who draw the most attention from men are not the ones who are the most physically attractive. These women may be a little overweight, or have a plain hairstyle, or an average face and yet men will find them irresistible. Men will chase the Ms. Goodbars more than Masked Women.
I have observed that many of the Ms. Goodbars come from dysfunctional backgrounds. The Mr. Goodbar scenario I used in the earlier chapter can easily be applied to women. Many of these women come from single parent homes where a parent may have been alcoholic, or mentally ill. Many have been the children of divorce. Many have had little if any contact with their fathers. Let’s look at that last one for a second. The importance of fathers being in the lives of the sons is widely recognized in the community. There is no argument there. What isn’t as widely recognized is the effect the absence of fathers has on girls. In an earlier chapter I wrote about people making their relationship choices based on their opposite sex parents. This can be good or bad depending on the parent. Little girls who grow up without their fathers will not have a basis for choosing a man. They didn’t have a model to go by. They will not know how to deal with men in certain situations. The women without fathers, as well as women who grow up with alcoholic or mentally ill parents, will have a tendency to have a more overtly sexual nature to them. These are the types of women who may wear sexually provocative clothing in inappropriate situations, or they may flirt more than the average woman. These women will definitely turn on men and will be pursued for gratification or even a long-term relationship. The men, however, need to keep in mind the types of issues the woman may bring to the table. One very significant issue many women are bringing to the table is the issue of sexual abuse.
Many women from ALL backgrounds have been the victims of sexual abuse. This ranges from fondling to incest. Either their fathers or older relatives have sexually abused many women as young girls. I have even heard of cases of adult incest. These women have gone through some stuff. Many women are either in therapy or need to be in therapy. There is so much I could say about sexual abuse but the scope of this book limits such a discussion. The matter needs to be explored in more than a few paragraphs and or even a chapter. The bottom line is that many women need to be healed of issues stemming from factors such as sexual abuse.
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