The latest thing trending on social media is “#wastehistime2016.” In a nutshell women are tweeting about things to do to a man they are dating to “waste his time.” Basically these women are advocating doing to men what men have done to women for years. Being the player instead being played. Yeah okay. Now I’ve read where this is supposed to be satire. Maybe. Many people are taking this seriously judging by the coverage this hashtag is receiving. I want to add my $59.99 to the conversation. Women especially need to really think on what I’m about to say.
First of all, nothing advocated by #wastehistime2016 is new. Women have been playing these types of games with men for generations. I’ve been conscious of these games since I was a little kid in the seventies. I used to watch older women play these games. In my latest book, “A Player’s Eyes” I write that I learned that thing called “game” from women. I’ve talked with elders who told me about women’s games going back at least to 1930's which means women have been playing the game even longer. There’s nothing new under the sun. I repeat #wastehistime2016 isn’t particularly revolutionary. Young folks need to stop thinking they are reinventing the wheel. They would know this if they would have real conversations with their elders.
Let’s be straight up about something. Many women are embracing this hashtag to turn the tables on the men who have hurt them, primarily Players and Bad Boys. Let’s be raw. Women are NOT going to doing anything to waste a Player or Bad Boy’s time. The true Player, especially if he is a sexually appealing Mr. Goodbar type, only deals with women on his terms. When Mr. Goodbar tires of a woman he dismisses her like the maid. A woman gets one shot at him. If she does some dumb shit he has five other women to take her place. Women know this. Plus to be real, a woman is not going to play games with Mr. Goodbar anyway because she wants that good dick from him.
As far as Bad Boys let’s be raw again. Some of those men are crazy. I’m not talking about the men who call themselves Bad Boys because on the surface they go against the grain. I’m talking about crazy men who will beat a woman’s ass for being five minutes late from the store. Domestic violence is a serious matter. Many women think they got that girl power thing and they can do or say anything to a man and he won’t put his hands on them. These women are STUPID! If a man has it in him to put his hands on a woman he will not give a fuck about the police, your male family members, or your woman’s empowerment group. The type of man who will beat a woman will put a bullet in another man’s ass. All it takes with some men is just the PERCEPTION that a woman is trying to play him. #wastehistime2016 may get a woman killed. For the women reading this you never truly know who you’re dealing with. Don’t get hurt over a silly game.
The biggest single problem with #wastehistime2016 is not the Players or Bad Boys and their reaction. The biggest problem is that women will do these things to genuinely good men. For reasons I have never been able to fathom women like playing games with men who have good intentions towards them. A woman will meet a man who finds her attractive and interesting. On the other hand she might not be feeling him because he doesn’t make her vagina tingle like Mr. Goodbar. Instead of just letting him down easy she lets him spend money on her and pretend like he’s winning her heart. That’s a best case scenario. Often she will play those games advocated by #wastehistime2016 as revenge for what some other man did. The women who do this get a level of satisfaction but ultimately they’ve created some bad karma.
There’s a type of man I never really talk about. Even when I talk about Mr. Goodbar I don’t really say anything negative about him. Mr. Goodbar doesn’t have negative intent towards women. He simply desires multiple women. He is giving women something of value, pleasure, to the woman. The type of man I never really talk about it the DOG. This is the man who will INTENTIONALLY hurt women. He will go out of way to emotionally damage a woman. Another term is DEMON LOVER. These men in most cases weren’t born evil. I’ve found something interesting in talking with these men over the years and even observing a few I’ve watched transform. These men all started off as genuine good guys with good hearts. Then they ran into game playing women who broke their hearts. The most common case is an emotionally abusive mother. The second most common case is not just being rejected but demeaned by an attractive girl or woman. Let’s get deeper into that last one.
If a woman just rejects a man that’s one thing. All men, including Mr. Goodbar, have been rejected. It’s another thing if a woman strings a man along. Wastes his time. Many women do that. They know they have no interest in a particular man. Yet they will let a man take them out on dates and buy nice things. The whole time she will be a little mean to him. After a month or so they will tell the man they just want to be “friends.” The woman already knew she wasn’t interested but she USED the man. Some will even laugh about the man with their girlfriends. Many men can do nothing but complain on social media and in general withdraw socially. Then you have the Dog.
The men who become Dogs are typically men who are what I call “Dormant Goodbars.” These are those men who will either be a little underweight, or have a little baby fat. They will have generally handsome features but they may not have the best look as far as their haircuts and facial hair. They won’t have a good style and may not have a lot of social skills. What they have is good hearts and good intentions towards women. At least until several women have intentionally “wasted his time.” There comes a time in a Dog’s life when that good heart he had closes. Once that happens a Demon Lover is born. There’s a saying that says “Once the student is ready, the teacher appears.” That Dog will run into someone who will teach him two things: how to attract women to him and how to push a woman’s sexual buttons. The Good Guy has become the Dog and thus a vicious cycle is continued.
Many women might think that #wastehistime2016 is empowering but the reality they are creating a scenario where instead meeting a dream man they will encounter a nightmare.
The following are excerpts from my upcoming book, "A Player's Eyes - One Man's View of Sexual Relationships." The book will be available for purchase in November.
For many I’m the villain of the story. Jealous men and jilted women have thrown shade my way over the years. The men mad that the women they sweated, wined, dined, and chased for years showed me love when all I did was say hi and maybe held the door for them. Jilted women mad at me because despite their seductive best I wasn’t feeling their flavor. Hey a brotha got standards. Whatever. I never worried about these folks though. As long as they didn’t have a gun in their hands (and I’ve had guns in my face) I wasn’t worried. It’s all part of the game of life. I’ve lost women I’ve wanted to other men and I’ve been rejected. It is what it is.
In the popular culture and indeed in conventional beliefs there is the notion that looks don’t matter to women as much as they do with men. Even when women do say that looks matter they will put it low on the list of priorities of what they want in a man. I’m throwing a flag on that. Fifteen yard penalty for unsportsmanlike bullshit. The reality is that not only do looks matter but they matter more to women than they do to men. This is especially true in sexual matters. When women look for long term partners such as boyfriends and husbands they will look at personality compatibility, social class, money, religious affiliation, political views, education level, and even something as trivial as music tastes. The trick though is that they look for these things in men they find PHYSICALLY attractive. When women say that there is a shortage of “good men” what they really mean is that there is a shortage of “good LOOKING men.”
The dating scene is different for a Goodbar. He doesn’t have to approach several women on the street hoping that one will not only stop and talk but also give him the correct number and return the text within an hour. Usually women are either making it extremely easy for Goodbar to approach them or they simply take the initiative and find an excuse to approach Goodbar.
Game as it is generally shared in the public sphere doesn’t work on women. Men think it works on women but on the for real for real, women just let men think it works. When a man approaches a woman, she has already decided what she’s going to do with him. If she wants to have sex with him she has already decided to do so. Now if he wants to throw some corny lines at her, make a production of getting her phone number, take her on an expensive date, and let him think he convinced her to take her panties down, far be it for her to spoil his illusion. She’ll let him think he has control when in reality she’s been in total control the whole time.
The reason women get played is not because they lack common sense, love thugs, or have a sign on their foreheads that says, “Victim.” The reason women get played is because of their egos.
The Sexual Shadow World (Shadow World) is not a place. It is a shadow. A shadow out of the corner of one’s eyes. It is the realm where a few men and a whole lot of women express their sexuality free from society’s constraints. It is where the stay at home soccer mom who makes the nice cupcakes for the neighborhood families has had an ongoing relationship with her young hot neighbor for years. It is where the high functioning autistic but good looking man who works in a library supplements his income by indulging in the fantasies of lonely but affluent women. It’s a world that occasionally leaks out into the mainstream but remains quite hidden. Someone introduced to this world would have their minds blown.
I’ve read several blogs, studies, and watched several videos of those who promote the concept that looks matter. Of course I agree as improving one’s body has been the foundation of my books. That being said there’s another level. If you look at the information in the public sphere it gives the impression that ALL one needs to do is look good. Many people feel like if they get some type plastic surgery then their relationship issues will disappear. They may get a little bit more attention but if other things are not in place that person will not be considered “sexy.”
Many women are very insecure. They can strut around like Amazons ready to conquer the world and whatnot. They can make a business deal in the morning and then go home to their big expensive houses and whip a fabulous dinner for themselves to eat while they watch their big screen TVs. Yeah many women are dripping strength and confidence until they meet that drop dead gorgeous man who’s tall and buffed. That same woman who just addressed executives at a board meeting has trouble saying hello to the man as he walks by. If she does speak she’ll stutter and once he walks by she’ll rush home to change her panties because she peed on herself. It’s not that women don’t want Pretty Boys. It’s just that the butterflies are doing the tango in their stomachs. Just like men get anxiety around beautiful women, women get it worse around beautiful men.
There is the thought that women want Alpha Males. It’s something that I’ve promoted myself on occasion. The Alpha Male is supposedly that tall, handsome man with a take charge dominant personality. He kicks ass in all areas of society. He’s the CEO of the billion dollar corporation, the football quarterback, he’s the charismatic leader of the drug cartel. He is… THE MAN. The wisdom is that these men get the best women. Indeed it is thought these men will have harems of beautiful women who are at their beck and call. Most dating and seduction advice geared towards men provide techniques for a man to either become an Alpha Male or to imitate alpha characteristics. To be bad it’s all bullshit.
One of the main problems is that there are not enough Dimes to go around. A man may not want to deal with the woman built like a water buffalo but he may live in a town with a whole herd of them. The only time a man may consistently see Dimes is when he lives near a big college town or if he hangs around the most popular club in a big city. Even then many of the Dimes are just Nickels who shined themselves up real good. It’s interesting that there is so much talk about a shortage of good men yet it would be easy for men to say that there is a shortage of good women. Unlike women, men would be honest enough to say that we mean beautiful and sexy.
I have real problems with the “game” that is taught on the Internet in blogs, forums and in expensive seminars held in big hotel rooms. My problem is that the shit don’t work for the majority of men who make efforts to learn this “game.” I based that comment on not only several statements made by disgruntled men on the Internet who feel like they have been scammed but from dealing with men who have called themselves “Pick Up Artists” (PUAs). I’ve coached men who have gone through these seminars and classes. Usually I have to deprogram them before I can teach them anything useful. The problem is what the men are being taught is wack to begin with.
Many men have been attracted to a woman who will look them in the eye and say; “You have so many great qualities but I only see you as a friend.” They will also say, “You’re going to make some woman very lucky one day.” Most men just grin and bear it until they see the object of their desire walking around with another man. Not just any man either. The Good Guy has a degree, a career, his own home, and a late model car. The woman who friend zoned him is walking around with an underemployed high school dropout who lives in his mother’s basement and doesn’t even have a driver’s license.
It’s interesting to listen to Non-Select men complain about the choices women make. They can’t for the life of them see the appeal of a Player or Bad Boy. They think the women are the ones with issues and they should go for the Good Guys. Even the women feel this way. Many women will wonder why they can’t seem to fall in love with a gainfully employed, church going, and respectful man. Instead the women are going crazy over a man who barely texts them, who may put them down, and will have multiple other women. Even when women kick a Player to the curb they usually end up swooning for another Player. What’s the issue? From "A Player’s Eyes" the answer is simple. A woman will put up with a Player, Bad Boy, or Dog for one reason and one reason alone: That drug called PLEASURE.
People don’t realize how deep it for a man to sleep with a great number of women in his lifetime. That’s why a lot of men go crazy if they get dumped by their girlfriends or divorced from their wives. Once a man finds that one woman who will fuck him on the regular he wants to hold on tight. Many men will lock down their women for that reason. Even when a man cheats he just has one other mistress. The average man will have about thirty women in his life who will feel a natural attraction to him. Thing is he’s not going to have sex with all thirty if he even meets them. Most people will not meet all the persons most naturally attracted to them. The man may be lucky to meet his thirty but fifteen of them will be in relationships. He will not be naturally attracted to ten of them. The timing will be off with at least two of the women. So he may hook up with three women.
The biggest single problem in male/female relationships is that most people are not realistic in searching for a mate. You have plain looking, average shaped women with boring personalities thinking they can get a top tier male. These women will not only reject men who are more in their league as far as looks and personality but they will do so with an attitude. Even when they manage to hook up with a Select Man in most cases they are not really compatible. Bomb sex doesn’t mean that two people need to be together outside the bedroom. Dude could just have that good dick which he shares with five other women. Yet Plain Jane thinks its love when she is really just a cool booty call. Then when Plain Jane realizes that Mr. Goodbar doesn’t love her all men become dogs until she starts to swoon in the arms of another sexy dude.
The reality is that only a small percentage of men have experienced what I have with dealing with women. The majority struggle in their relationships. That’s even when they can get one. Many men don’t believe anything they haven’t personally experienced. I’ve told men that I’ve always been approached by Dimes and they think I’m lying. The reason is they and their associates have never been approached by a beautiful woman. I mentioned to a couple of men that several women have showed up to my living space in the past without wearing underwear. No way have they said, because it hasn’t happened to them. I tell them I have to think hard about how many women I’ve had some sexual contact with in my life. They think I’m automatically think I’m bullshitting because they remember the three women they have been with.
“Victory has defeated you.” - Bane to Batman in the movie, “The Dark Knight Rises.”
Through a combination of Feminism and the sexual revolution women have come a long way. Women are free to pursue their life aspirations and their sexual desires. Women are climbing the corporate ladder, or in many cases creating the corporation. They are buying big cars, houses, going on expensive vacations, and pursuing their passions. Sexually they are not stuck dealing with some boring man for the rest of their lives. Divorce is easy and in many cases a woman may not even marry. Women don’t need men for support like they may have only fifty years ago. Women have succeeded in their revolutions for more autonomy. Victory in many instances has been declared though some women may disagree. I’m not going to get into all that though. Bottom line is that women are freer than they have ever been in the modern era. Too bad that victory has actually defeated women.
Even though my blogs, books, and videos have for the most part directed to self-improvement for men a reality is that a significant amount of my material has been purchased by women. Even in terms of one on one coaching I’ve had more women clients than men. There have been even more women that I have engaged in regular conversations about relationships. The scenario is almost always the same. The women complaining the most about their relationship experiences have been educated, high achieving women who owned houses, condos, and if renting had top of the line townhouses and apartments. These women had money. On a personal level the women were very intelligent with physical features that were slightly above the norm. These weren’t supermodels but a man would hold their hand in public. That’s if they could get a man. These women despite what they had going for them always had trouble getting into functional relationships. The few that had a man were usually sharing that man with several other women or they were relegated to evenings of "Netflix and chill." Most though, after working hard all day in a corporate environment where they hated their co-workers, would come home to big sterile houses. The number of lonely women is quite high.
When any movement seeks to change the social order the focus is always on the perceived injustice currently in front of them. Very seldom does anyone think that a change in the social order will produce a worse social order. If one studies the many revolutions in history it will be found that when the revolution succeeded in overthrowing the current government or social climate it would become necessary for the revolutionaries to become as oppressive as the previous regime. The reason is that problems that may not have existed before the revolution start to pop up. Then a vicious cycle starts when someone decides to overthrow the revolutionary regime.
Now before someone thinks this blog will be about anti-Feminism and anti-sexual freedom that is not the case. As will become evident I personally benefit from the way things are. A Feminist would have to be created from reverse engineered alien technology from a crashed UFO to impact my life in any meaningful way. I’m definitely for sexual freedom. I was just moved to point out something that is extremely ironic. Feminism and sexual freedom have actually made more women single and lonely which in turn makes them perfect prey for Players. Ask me how I know.
Back in the day men had to behave a certain way and treat women in a different manner than what we have today. Even the men who had multiple women had to be a certain way. Back in the day men had mistresses and in some cases another family. The man was still expected to protect and provide for his mistress and any children they produced. Things have certainly changed. The only way many men provide now is if the paternity test says they are the father and the courts grant a child support order. Some men get out of that by not having a job.
The thing is that a real man wants to protect and provide for a woman. Some men have such a strong urge to do so that they may knowingly protect and provide for a woman who has another man’s children. This isn’t some simp shit as some men may think. Just like a normal woman has a nurturing instinct, normal men have a natural instinct to take care of a family.
Many women will read this and say many men don’t want to protect and provide for women anymore. That’s because the protect and provide instinct has been subverted by the current social programing. Many women are yelling that they are, “independent and don’t need a man.” Single mothers with boy children are showing these boys that they don’t need men. So why be surprised that men take women at their word?
Stop and think about it.
This is what many women have fought for. The irony is that many women talk about how independent they are but then get mad if a man doesn’t want to pay for a date. These same independent women want an old school traditional gentleman. Many have articulated this to me. It ain’t happening though. Viva la revolucion!
The money and independence is one thing. These independent women are really getting screwed sexually (pun intended). Used to be a man had to come correct to get sex from a woman. All he needs now is a cute smile and visible print. Women don’t have to deal with that short, homely, pudgy dude who may still have good intentions towards her. Women don’t have to deal with that stable but boring dude who will faithfully keep a roof over her head and food in her stomach. Women because they have their own money and can feed and house themselves can go for those big dick muscle men and pretty boys. They can also go for that handsome man with a six figure salary who lives in a nice condo and drives an E-Class. This is where it gets good.
Women have the freedom to go for these men but most women rarely leave these relationships with their self-esteem intact. When a man gets to a point where several women are chasing him he doesn’t have to treat any of them right. A Select Man doesn’t have to provide for a woman. If she doesn’t like that he doesn’t spend money on her, he can tell her to lose his number and unfriend him on social media. What she gonna do about it? He has four more thirsty ass independent women who will be happy if he comes over to spend time with them in their big cold houses. Some men may even make the women spend money on them. The gigolo game is getting bigger in the social landscape.
It used to be that men had to at least pretend to be monogamous. There is a steadily growing group of men who are openly polyamorous. They are telling the women straight up they have other women and don’t care if the women have a problem with the situation. The perceived shortage of “good men” which really means “handsome men with a little bit of money" has made certain men very bold. They know they are a hot commodity and they will deal with women only on their terms. I have a very attractive lady friend who was commenting on the men in her city. She’s fine and sexy and yet single. I asked her why and she said the men in her city were either gay or polyamorous. Women wanted the sexual freedom to chase Mr. Goodbar. They got it and the shit ain’t really working out for them.
Another factor with so many women being sexually free the Select Men can afford to be very picky. If a man has ten women to choose from he will only deal with the most sexually attractive women. Too many women have had their heads gassed by thirsty men. Many women will pass over the thirsty men because they have the freedom to do so. They get upset when Select Men exercise the freedom to pass them over. There has been a lot of talk about the body positivity movement. An unspoken purpose of that movement is to get Select Men to find overweight women attractive. I find it interesting that it takes effort to find instances of where body positivity is applied to overweight men.
I'm just saying.
Sexual freedom gives a woman the right to sleep with who she chooses but also gives men a right to find her unattractive.
Like I said earlier I didn’t write this to be anti-Feminist or anti-sexual freedom. A random survey of my books, videos, and blogs will show I don’t write for or against Feminism and definitely not against sexual freedom. What I am concerned about is the hundreds of decent women I have got to know over the years. These women are good people, they really are. Most of them would make a good wife for some man even the ones who claim they are so independent. Women change their tune when the right man comes into their lives. The problem is because the women are talking about how independent they are the right man may take them at their word and relegate them to booty call status. A marriage minded man isn’t looking for an independent woman. He’s looking for a woman who wants to be in a UNION.
The very things that women think is empowering them is causing them great pain.
Think on this.
Wow. It’s been fifteen years since the publication of my book, Nice Guys and Players – Becoming The Man Women Want. What a ride it’s been since I picked up 1000 copies from the printer on September 22, 2000. The next day I sold the first seven copies of the book at a singles party held at a private home. One of the things I remember about that party was a man, who came across as a Nice Guy, telling me in an almost condescending manner that the book would never sell. I just nodded my head like I do when people say crazy things in my presence and kept on selling. Fifteen years and 20,000 copies in print later I’m still nodding my head.
It was an interesting journey to the publication of Nice Guys and Players. Even though the book was published in September 2000, the journey began in January 1996. I was working on a corporate job, but I also had a publishing company on the side with a small novella and a short story in pamphlet form as my only publications. I had a vending opportunity that was coming up and I wanted to have something else to sell. I came up with a twelve-page pamphlet called Finding a Good Man. It was simply my thoughts on what a Black woman needed to do to find a good man. I saw the pamphlet as simply something extra to sell for only a dollar. I didn’t expect that big a response.
Finding a Good Man sold like hotcakes. That little pamphlet that I printed myself with a laser printer in my Grandmother’s living room took me a long way. A Washington, DC public access TV producer got a copy and invited me on his show, Love and Happiness, to interview me about the pamphlet. I ended up doing several shows and at one time had an opportunity to become the host of the show. That’s another story for another day.
Now as I was promoting Finding a Good Man, something interesting started to happen. Men would walk up to me and tell me they needed something to help them to find a good woman. At first, I didn’t take the men seriously but when a few dozen start saying the same thing I paid attention. At that time, I didn’t have an idea that some men had major problems getting women. I knew some men were definitely better at it than others but I had trouble grasping the concept that any man had really serious issues dealing with women. The reason was that my peer group at the time was composed of primarily players and men in long term relationships. It was at that time I started to dig deep and started talking to men outside of my peer group. As I dug deeper I discovered that many men I knew in the past weren’t the players I thought they were. Out of these efforts came a pamphlet called Nice Guys Guide: Attracting and Meeting Beautiful Women.
Nice Guys Guide didn’t have the success of Finding a Good Man. One reason was that I didn’t push it as hard. Despite the research I didn’t think men needed such a pamphlet. When it did sell I noticed something very interesting. The men who did buy Nice Guys Guide were always the ones who looked like they didn’t need the information. In fact, one associate at the time, who I thought to be a player, bought it, “to support a brotha”, and would then continually ask questions. A couple of other men would do the same thing. I started thinking, maybe I needed to take this more seriously.
I decided at that point to write a more substantial book. In the fall of 1999 I published 300 copies of Nice Guys and Players – Becoming the Man Black Women Want. I limited the first printing because I wanted to test the waters to get a reaction. The first copies were purchased by older Black women who confirmed everything I had written. The first men who purchased the book were true players. These players also confirmed everything I had written. So I decided to upgrade the cover, which quite frankly was cheap looking, and go for a more substantial print run.
In the summer of 2000 as I was preparing Nice Guys and Players for publication I had an experience that would change the direction of the book. I was at a pool party at a good friend’s house. It was a multi-racial grouping of people. I got into a conversation about male/female relationships with several white and Asian women. This was a four hour conversation. Up to that point the focus of my writings had been on Black relationships. Then, as now, there was more of a focus in the public media about the problems in Black male/female relationships. Here I had a group of young, white, and Asian women, basically saying word for word what young and old Black women were saying. After that conversation I went home and did a heavy edit on the text of Nice Guys and Players. I deleted most of the specific references to Black relationships. Nice Guys and Players – Becoming the Man Black Women Want became Nice Guys and Players – Becoming the Man Women Want.
So now the book had been published and it sold relatively slow at first. I sold a few hundred copies between September 2000 and February 2001. I was thinking “okay that didn’t go over well.” I was just going to sell out the run and move on to other projects. Then in late February 2001 there was a surge in Internet book sales. Surfing the net I found both good and bad reviews of my book. Apparently people became very interested in what I had to say. The rest as they say is history.
The premise of Nice Guys and Players is very simple. Women have dual sexual needs. One is the need for sexual gratification. They need a man who can arouse and satisfy them physically. The other need is social gratification. This includes emotional and social compatibility. Players can provide the sexual gratification but may lack in the social area. Nice Guys can provide emotional and social compatibility but fail to arouse women sexually. As a result of this dynamic many women will have two men in their lives: one to provide social compatibility and the other to provide sexual gratification. In the introduction of Nice Guys and Players I use the following example:
Larry and Christa have been dating for three months. Larry is nice and respectful to Christa. He helps her shop for food and makes sure that her car is always clean and filled with gas. He always takes her to the restaurant of her choice. Larry calls when he says that he will. He never gets mad if Christa says she is going to hang out with the girls. Larry even gives her money to spend. Larry has a good job, clean apartment in a good neighborhood, and a dependable car. He dresses cleanly and appropriately despite being somewhat pudgy. He volunteers to mentor young fatherless boys and is viewed as a role model by many people. Christa’s parents think Larry would make a great son-in-law. What’s missing from Larry and Christa’s relationship is they have yet to be intimate. Christa told Larry she wanted to wait until they were married before having sex. Larry, although turned on by Christa, understands and doesn’t pressure her. After one date, Larry kisses Christa and goes home thinking he has found a great woman. He dreams about the day they will be married. He fantasizes about how he will make love to her slowly and romantically.
Once Larry is gone, Christa pages Patrick. Patrick answers the page. Than Christa invites him to come over to her apartment despite the fact it’s after midnight. When Patrick arrives he is wearing an oversized shirt, baggy jeans, and boots. He looks like a model right out of a hip-hop magazine. Christa had on a red teddy. As soon as Patrick gets in the door he starts taking off his clothes. Christa gets hot over the sight of Patrick’s hardbody. Patrick wastes no time in having sex with Christa. He takes off her teddy, starts having sex with her right on the couch. The sex is hot and intense. Christa feels like she is in heaven. After the sex Patrick gets up, puts on his clothes and leaves. No foreplay, no afterplay, barely a kiss. Christa doesn’t mind because she always screams out in orgasm with Patrick.
Nice Guys and Players Pages 12-13
The man women will be most attracted to is the man who can satisfy both a woman’s social needs AND her carnal needs. The man will be a balance of a Nice Guy and a Player. The man will be the type that can stay employed, be respectful, and most importantly be socially acceptable to a woman’s peers and community. Behind closed doors this man will tap that ass like a pro and have the woman floating from multiple orgasms. Women express this desire for a balanced man when they make statements such as: “I want a corporate thug.” “I want Tupac with a degree.” “I want a nice guy who’s a little rough around the edges.” It’s really no different from a man who says he wants a lady in public and a freak in the bedroom.
Nice Guys and Players was not just about a Nice Guy becoming more attractive to women but a Player becoming more attractive to the woman he wants to settle with. Many women will have sex with a Player but will not want to be seen in public with him. This presents a problem if the man develops feelings for a woman. Players are still human. There is an interesting dynamic with Players. Typically a Player can get all the women except the one he actually wants. In fact, many men become Players when a woman they loved rejected them. Another dynamic is that many Players are simply tired of their lifestyle. I’ve lost count of how many Players have talked to me privately about changing their behavior. They embraced the book more so than the Nice Guys because they understood the need for balance.
Now this book that started off as a pamphlet many years ago is now available on Amazon Kindle. It will be interesting to see what the next fifteen years will bring.
Something that has cracked me since I was young is dudes who lie about the number of women they’ve had sex with. As we used to say back in the day, “lying on they dick.” We’ve all met them. Usually they say something like “I’ve been with so many women I can’t even give you a number.” Or they give a number that’s in the three figures. They’ll say they had sex not only with over 100 women but that all the women were very attractive rating from 8 to 10 on the infamous scale. Yeah…
Where do I start with this?
First of all in the world of men, ONE thing that will cause a heterosexual man to respect another man is the ability to pull women. I remember back in the nineties I was on the street in front of my apartment building. Across the street was a brotha who was dealing with a stalled car. At the same time a relatively tall Asian woman with a mini skirt and killer legs walked out of the building. Now me and the Asian woman were having a fling at the time. So when she walked out we spoke for maybe ten minutes and then she left to take care of business. The brotha who witnessed the interaction and picked up that there was more going on between me and the young lady, walked across the street, looked at me and then looked at the young lady as she walked away. The brotha then invited me to a private party. As the saying goes, “game recognizes game.” He respected me because he knew I had pulled a fine ass woman. That’s how it is in the world of men. This is why successful men will go for trophy women.
Now many men in order to get respect from other men will inflate the number of women they have been with. Total opposite of women. For example a woman has had sex with ten men. If anybody were to ask her she will say she has had sex with five men. Of course she was in relationships with the five men at the time. She omits the two one night stands she had. She neglects to mention the fling she had with a neighbor. She doesn’t talk about being a side piece for a year to a married man. Finally, there was the time she had pity sex with the ugly, out of shape loser who was a genuine nice guy. Of course she only talks about when she was penetrated in her vagina. Her sexual CONTACT number is in the forties. She doesn’t count the number of dicks she sucked, or the times she let a man eat her out or suck her titties.
So while women are under counting, men are over counting. If a man tells me he’s been with fifty women I always divide that in half. So we down to twenty-five. Unlike women most men count every sexual contact. Out of that twenty-five, the man only penetrated vaginally nine women. Six of the women only let him perform oral sex on them. Five of them let the man suck their breasts and nothing else. Four of the women just sucked his dick. One woman spent the night in his bed half naked and let him feel her up but allowed nothing else. Of course the typical man is going to inflate his numbers in order to look good to his peers.
Okay, dudes are going to lie on their dicks. Overall it’s not major issue if men do so in barbershops or on the street corner. Men bond on talking some bullshit. It’s part of the game and the average man with street smarts knows this. The problem I have is when men do so in the context of the Male Dating Advice Industry. You have dating coaches, bloggers, and seduction gurus who will say they’ve been with hundreds of women in order to get men to buy their products. They will back up their claims with pictures of them with beautiful women or videos of them kissing women in the streets. Someone naïve thinks that these men are actually having sex with these women when in reality many of these “experts” are hiring models.
Here’s the biggest single issue I have with many men saying they’ve been with hundreds of women: They never talk about the problems that come from dealing with multiple women. I don’t care how Playa, Mack, Pimp, or Pick-Up Artist a man thinks he is, there are going to be issues when dealing with multiple women. Let me count the ways.
First of all, you have ordinary looking men with average bodies and modest incomes talking about they have sex with several very attractive women. That’s some bullshit for one simple reason. The overwhelming majority of women in ANY culture are not going to be facially beautiful with sexy bodies. In American society the AVERAGE woman is plain looking, short, and slightly overweight. Seriously I challenge any man reading this to ask himself the following question, “How often do I see a woman I would rate as at least an Eight?” Even men who spend most of their time in bars and clubs are not going to see a lot of women that attractive. Even on college campuses where there are young women in their sexual prime how many of them are extremely attractive? I watch a lot of college basketball and the camera ALWAYS finds the cheerleaders. Anybody who knows anything about the cheerleading subculture (yes it’s a subculture) knows that the women are chosen based on physical attractiveness even if this is not stated publically. Watching these cheerleaders on TV if you look at most from the neck up they are not extremely attractive but were probably the best candidates at a particular school. Models, pin-up girls, and the like make money because they are RARE. If a man has truly had sex with over a hundred women it is likely only three of them were extremely attractive. The rest were likely average and slightly overweight.
Another issue is that when men claim to have high counts it they NEVER seem to have any stories of any major drama. It’s always a case of meeting a very beautiful woman, running some type of game, and having sex with her that same night. Then this very beautiful woman just goes her own merry way and the man goes to work on his next drop dead gorgeous conquest. Bullshit! First of all if a man has sex with a physically attractive women he will likely want to have sex with her again. Very beautiful women make the most cold-blooded players think in terms settling down. Especially if she is good in bed and can make a sweet potato pie. That’s the male fantasy right there. The reality is different.
Men who have high counts are for the most part messing with average and even ugly women with average shapes. A man is typically not going to catch feelings for an average woman. Even though the propaganda is that average women are nicer than beautiful ones, that is usually not the case. Many average women have major issues. A man dealing with multiple women has to deal with a lot of mental illness. Women know if they’re dealing with a man who really doesn’t care for them beyond sex. Yet they will still deal with that man. Then when the man decides to move on, the women start engaging in obsessive behavior particular if the dick was real good. These women will show up at a man’s place unannounced, do a drive by at 2 in in the morning, call or text him at all day long. I’ve known women who have camped out in front of a man’s home. Some men get assaulted. Domestic violence goes both ways.
So if man says he has had sex with over a hundred women and I feel like challenging him I’m going to ask a few questions. I will ask about level of attractiveness and mental health issues. I will also ask how many pregnancy scares has he had. I will ask how many times he has had to pay for an abortion. I will ask how many kids he has. I will ask how many times he has had to get a shot in the butt because he caught an STD. The more women a man deals the more chances that there are going to be some unintended consequences.
The thing is that there are men who have been legitimately been with multiple women. The conversation with them is way different from men who are lying on their dicks. Let me let y’all in on something. The back of my book, Nice Guys and Players says the following:
Are you a nice guys constantly passed over by women? Are you a player who can get every woman except the one you love?
The men who have supported my book the most have never been Nice Guys. In fact the biggest criticisms of my book has come from the men who need the book the most. The men who have supported me the most have been the pretty boys, the musclemen, and the Macks. I’ve had true to the game Pimps give me props. The reason for that support is that they can truly relate to my perspective.
Men who have truly been with a large number of women know the problems that come from a high count. These men are trying to limit their number. Many will even get married in an attempt to control their nature. Yeah the sex is good, even great in some cases but what comes along with it can be emotionally draining. See when a man penetrates a women physically she is also penetrating him mentally. A man is trying to plant his physical seed and a woman is trying to plant her mental seed. Many men get in trouble because they have sex with a woman with a jacked-up mentality. They have sex with her a few times and then wonder why their lives start falling apart. That’s because she is planting negative thoughts in their head. It’s like what a friend said about an extremely sexy woman we both knew, “She can get a man killed.” This woman was both sexy and highly intelligent. She knew how to plant seeds in men’s minds. A man dealing with multiple women has to be mentally strong because every single woman he deals with is trying to plant her seed in order to fulfill HER agenda.
There are men paying thousands of dollars to learn how to be players. It’s not a lifestyle for every man. It’s telling that the men who are actually living that lifestyle are trying to get out. Some will even go into therapy for sex addiction. I actually had more than one player wish they could be ordinary men. One even thought about suicide. When it gets down to it that’s why I feel a little anger when men obviously lie on their dicks. They try to paint a picture of a great lifestyle but it is an illusion. It’s a drug. The high feels good but when one comes down they feel terrible.
Ultimately men need to focus on quality and not quantity. The most impressive thing to say to me is not, “I’ve been with over hundred women.” It impresses me more when a man says I’ve been with five women who helped me to become a success.”
Now that’s what men need to be saying.