The following blog was originally published back in February 2015. It addressed an issue that is having a major effect on male/female relationships.
In my books and blogs I talk about different categories of men and how they relate to women. For the most part women agree with the characterizations. There have been many occasions when a woman has offered even more categories. Some of these women will also complain about the games that men play in order to get sex. Okay that’s cool. The only issue I have with this is that many women try to come off as if they are innocent actors in the world of sexual politics.
Women got their stuff too. I would even argue that with that thing called Game the average woman runs circles around most men. As I raise my sons I’ll probably spend more time teaching them how to spot a woman’s games than I do on showing them how to get a woman. Though there are several games women play there is one game that women run that is actually socially acceptable. That game is Acculturated Prostitution.
I was first introduced the term by Master Yao Nyamekye Morris in his landmark book, Amanmere. Acculturated prostitution is a socially acceptable form of prostitution. The acculturated prostitute isn’t out on a corner wearing sexually provocative clothing taking money from men in return for sexual favors. Indeed most acculturated prostitutes will get highly offended if a man offered them money right up front. The game of the acculturated prostitute is to use her sex appeal to get favors from men. Sometimes she will imply that she will sleep with the man if he pays her bills. She may sleep with a man if he takes her to a fancy restaurant. On a job the acculturated prostitute will use sex appeal to get a raise or a favorable work assignment. Female servers at restaurants may use their sex appeal to get bigger tips from men. I actually know women who were instructed to be extra friendly to male customers. These are the most subtle examples.
The more blatant acculturated prostitutes are the gold diggers and the sugar babies. There is a whole subculture of women who focus on getting a professional athlete. These women will know more about a superstar athlete than the most hardcore fan. They also know the travel schedule and hotel accommodations of these men. Quiet as it kept certain professions such as Wall Street Traders have groupies. As far as sugar babies there are websites that openly connect young women with older wealthy men. I find it interesting in that many people will have a moral issue with men paying for sex with street walkers, in brothels, or engaging in sex tourism. Yet the same people are silent on the acculturated prostitution that goes on around them all the time. The sex tourist, the John, the horny supervisor, and the rich athlete are all paying for female companionship.
Indeed with the acculturated prostitute she will stand up in a public forum and say that a man has to have a certain amount of money to have the pleasure of her companionship. This man could be extremely intelligent, have a great moral character, be very responsible, and have a sense of humor. Yet many women will reject this man because he makes a modest income. The bad part is we accept that as a culture.
I remember I went on a date with a woman back in the nineties. I half-jokingly said something about going Dutch to gage her thinking. This woman stopped smiling and said that she would be offended if a man didn’t spend money on her. I nodded my head and said, “Okay that’s fair. Would you be offended if the man after he spent money on you told you to get on your knees and suck his dick?” She got real quiet then. We didn’t discuss money anymore after that. I’ve known many women who have slept with a man not because he was sexy but because he spent money on them. Yet those same women will complain about men going to places like Brazil for sex tourism.
I’m bringing this up because in the media there is so much focus on the actions of men and what we are doing wrong in relationships. I was on a panel discussing relationships back in the nineties. A woman in the audience stood up with much attitude, pointed her finger at me, and complained that men were always throwing money at women. She wanted to know why men did that. I looked at her very calmly and said, “Because y’all take the money.” After the forum three women came up to me privately and told me how they got money from men. These weren’t women who dressed like strippers or ratchets. These women looked like church ladies.
The problem with acculturated prostitution is twofold. One, it creates dysfunctional relationships. An acculturated prostitute doesn’t have to develop her character. She only needs to maintain her shape and ability to pick out clothes to make her butt look real nice. She’s not looking for a partnership, she’s looking for a sponsor. It’s a business arrangement. Yet many acculturated prostitutes will go on national television and wonder how come they can’t find a “good man.” I personally think that the real reason many American women complain about men going to places like Brazil or the Dominican Republic is that these men won’t spend money on them. Indeed, I’ve listened to the complaints of Black women about Black men who dated interracially. I’ve never heard a complaint about losing a Black man with good character to a white woman. The complaint always centers on a “white woman getting that brotha’s money.”
A bigger problem with acculturated prostitution is that it turns men into tricks. There are thousands of dating coaches, seduction gurus, relationship workshops, websites, and blogs that provide information and advice to men for the express purpose of getting women. Most men don’t feel like doing all of that. Let’s get raw. A man knows that if he got enough money he can get pussy from an attractive woman. Many men will simply go straight to a prostitute. Other men through experience will discover that many women on the dating landscape are acculturated prostitutes. Why should a man develop his character? Why should he be respectable? In some cases why even be law abiding? Anyone who really knows the drug game knows that many boys turn to drug dealing because the money attracts beautiful girls. Instead of honor and integrity men focus on getting money by any means necessary.
I addressed acculturated prostitution because many people are looking for solutions to the relationship problem out there. It would be trite for me to say that women should stop the practice of acculturated prostitution. It’s just one symptom of a bigger problem. The only real change comes when we start looking at issues realistically and start thinking about how we are contributing to the issue. Men complain about “Thots” and yet many will pay the utility bills of a sexy woman. Women complain when men call them hoes but will talk trash about a man who cannot afford to take them to an expensive seafood restaurant. Popular songs are even made about broke men.
Acculturated prostitution is just one issue we need to seriously examine if we really want functional relationships.
The following are excerpts from my upcoming book, "A Player's Eyes - One Man's View of Sexual Relationships." The book will be available for purchase in November.
For many I’m the villain of the story. Jealous men and jilted women have thrown shade my way over the years. The men mad that the women they sweated, wined, dined, and chased for years showed me love when all I did was say hi and maybe held the door for them. Jilted women mad at me because despite their seductive best I wasn’t feeling their flavor. Hey a brotha got standards. Whatever. I never worried about these folks though. As long as they didn’t have a gun in their hands (and I’ve had guns in my face) I wasn’t worried. It’s all part of the game of life. I’ve lost women I’ve wanted to other men and I’ve been rejected. It is what it is.
In the popular culture and indeed in conventional beliefs there is the notion that looks don’t matter to women as much as they do with men. Even when women do say that looks matter they will put it low on the list of priorities of what they want in a man. I’m throwing a flag on that. Fifteen yard penalty for unsportsmanlike bullshit. The reality is that not only do looks matter but they matter more to women than they do to men. This is especially true in sexual matters. When women look for long term partners such as boyfriends and husbands they will look at personality compatibility, social class, money, religious affiliation, political views, education level, and even something as trivial as music tastes. The trick though is that they look for these things in men they find PHYSICALLY attractive. When women say that there is a shortage of “good men” what they really mean is that there is a shortage of “good LOOKING men.”
The dating scene is different for a Goodbar. He doesn’t have to approach several women on the street hoping that one will not only stop and talk but also give him the correct number and return the text within an hour. Usually women are either making it extremely easy for Goodbar to approach them or they simply take the initiative and find an excuse to approach Goodbar.
Game as it is generally shared in the public sphere doesn’t work on women. Men think it works on women but on the for real for real, women just let men think it works. When a man approaches a woman, she has already decided what she’s going to do with him. If she wants to have sex with him she has already decided to do so. Now if he wants to throw some corny lines at her, make a production of getting her phone number, take her on an expensive date, and let him think he convinced her to take her panties down, far be it for her to spoil his illusion. She’ll let him think he has control when in reality she’s been in total control the whole time.
The reason women get played is not because they lack common sense, love thugs, or have a sign on their foreheads that says, “Victim.” The reason women get played is because of their egos.
The Sexual Shadow World (Shadow World) is not a place. It is a shadow. A shadow out of the corner of one’s eyes. It is the realm where a few men and a whole lot of women express their sexuality free from society’s constraints. It is where the stay at home soccer mom who makes the nice cupcakes for the neighborhood families has had an ongoing relationship with her young hot neighbor for years. It is where the high functioning autistic but good looking man who works in a library supplements his income by indulging in the fantasies of lonely but affluent women. It’s a world that occasionally leaks out into the mainstream but remains quite hidden. Someone introduced to this world would have their minds blown.
I’ve read several blogs, studies, and watched several videos of those who promote the concept that looks matter. Of course I agree as improving one’s body has been the foundation of my books. That being said there’s another level. If you look at the information in the public sphere it gives the impression that ALL one needs to do is look good. Many people feel like if they get some type plastic surgery then their relationship issues will disappear. They may get a little bit more attention but if other things are not in place that person will not be considered “sexy.”
Many women are very insecure. They can strut around like Amazons ready to conquer the world and whatnot. They can make a business deal in the morning and then go home to their big expensive houses and whip a fabulous dinner for themselves to eat while they watch their big screen TVs. Yeah many women are dripping strength and confidence until they meet that drop dead gorgeous man who’s tall and buffed. That same woman who just addressed executives at a board meeting has trouble saying hello to the man as he walks by. If she does speak she’ll stutter and once he walks by she’ll rush home to change her panties because she peed on herself. It’s not that women don’t want Pretty Boys. It’s just that the butterflies are doing the tango in their stomachs. Just like men get anxiety around beautiful women, women get it worse around beautiful men.
There is the thought that women want Alpha Males. It’s something that I’ve promoted myself on occasion. The Alpha Male is supposedly that tall, handsome man with a take charge dominant personality. He kicks ass in all areas of society. He’s the CEO of the billion dollar corporation, the football quarterback, he’s the charismatic leader of the drug cartel. He is… THE MAN. The wisdom is that these men get the best women. Indeed it is thought these men will have harems of beautiful women who are at their beck and call. Most dating and seduction advice geared towards men provide techniques for a man to either become an Alpha Male or to imitate alpha characteristics. To be bad it’s all bullshit.
One of the main problems is that there are not enough Dimes to go around. A man may not want to deal with the woman built like a water buffalo but he may live in a town with a whole herd of them. The only time a man may consistently see Dimes is when he lives near a big college town or if he hangs around the most popular club in a big city. Even then many of the Dimes are just Nickels who shined themselves up real good. It’s interesting that there is so much talk about a shortage of good men yet it would be easy for men to say that there is a shortage of good women. Unlike women, men would be honest enough to say that we mean beautiful and sexy.
I have real problems with the “game” that is taught on the Internet in blogs, forums and in expensive seminars held in big hotel rooms. My problem is that the shit don’t work for the majority of men who make efforts to learn this “game.” I based that comment on not only several statements made by disgruntled men on the Internet who feel like they have been scammed but from dealing with men who have called themselves “Pick Up Artists” (PUAs). I’ve coached men who have gone through these seminars and classes. Usually I have to deprogram them before I can teach them anything useful. The problem is what the men are being taught is wack to begin with.
Many men have been attracted to a woman who will look them in the eye and say; “You have so many great qualities but I only see you as a friend.” They will also say, “You’re going to make some woman very lucky one day.” Most men just grin and bear it until they see the object of their desire walking around with another man. Not just any man either. The Good Guy has a degree, a career, his own home, and a late model car. The woman who friend zoned him is walking around with an underemployed high school dropout who lives in his mother’s basement and doesn’t even have a driver’s license.
It’s interesting to listen to Non-Select men complain about the choices women make. They can’t for the life of them see the appeal of a Player or Bad Boy. They think the women are the ones with issues and they should go for the Good Guys. Even the women feel this way. Many women will wonder why they can’t seem to fall in love with a gainfully employed, church going, and respectful man. Instead the women are going crazy over a man who barely texts them, who may put them down, and will have multiple other women. Even when women kick a Player to the curb they usually end up swooning for another Player. What’s the issue? From "A Player’s Eyes" the answer is simple. A woman will put up with a Player, Bad Boy, or Dog for one reason and one reason alone: That drug called PLEASURE.
People don’t realize how deep it for a man to sleep with a great number of women in his lifetime. That’s why a lot of men go crazy if they get dumped by their girlfriends or divorced from their wives. Once a man finds that one woman who will fuck him on the regular he wants to hold on tight. Many men will lock down their women for that reason. Even when a man cheats he just has one other mistress. The average man will have about thirty women in his life who will feel a natural attraction to him. Thing is he’s not going to have sex with all thirty if he even meets them. Most people will not meet all the persons most naturally attracted to them. The man may be lucky to meet his thirty but fifteen of them will be in relationships. He will not be naturally attracted to ten of them. The timing will be off with at least two of the women. So he may hook up with three women.
The biggest single problem in male/female relationships is that most people are not realistic in searching for a mate. You have plain looking, average shaped women with boring personalities thinking they can get a top tier male. These women will not only reject men who are more in their league as far as looks and personality but they will do so with an attitude. Even when they manage to hook up with a Select Man in most cases they are not really compatible. Bomb sex doesn’t mean that two people need to be together outside the bedroom. Dude could just have that good dick which he shares with five other women. Yet Plain Jane thinks its love when she is really just a cool booty call. Then when Plain Jane realizes that Mr. Goodbar doesn’t love her all men become dogs until she starts to swoon in the arms of another sexy dude.
The reality is that only a small percentage of men have experienced what I have with dealing with women. The majority struggle in their relationships. That’s even when they can get one. Many men don’t believe anything they haven’t personally experienced. I’ve told men that I’ve always been approached by Dimes and they think I’m lying. The reason is they and their associates have never been approached by a beautiful woman. I mentioned to a couple of men that several women have showed up to my living space in the past without wearing underwear. No way have they said, because it hasn’t happened to them. I tell them I have to think hard about how many women I’ve had some sexual contact with in my life. They think I’m automatically think I’m bullshitting because they remember the three women they have been with.
Too many men out here got things twisted. Many men think that they got “game.” They got all these techniques, plans, strategies, and whatever in order to get women. They got a certain approach down to a science and think they are actually seducing some young woman with their “game.” Yeah. Most men don’t do very well with their game. It’s too many horny women out there complaining that men can’t even say “hello” in a sensible way. The problem is that many men think the “game” is chasing women. Naw, chasing women is something they’re doing. Every now and then they may get lucky with a woman of low enough self-esteem and a total absence of common sense. They don’t understand the REAL GAME.
The Real Game has never been men chasing or seducing women. The Real Game is women attracting and seducing the men they desire. The women are really the predators and men are the prey. In particular it is about getting the Select Men who typically have looks, money, and status. Now here’s the thing and I CHALLENGE someone to prove me wrong. How often do you see good-looking men with money approach women? Think about it now. It’s very rare a Select Man approaches a woman. Usually if they do the woman is on the higher scale of physical attractiveness. The women who complain about street harassment are really complaining because they are not being approached by Select Men. Let me get a little deep with you for a second.
Think about the terms I use in my work, Select and Non-Select. It’s not an issue of women choosing between men who approach and men who don’t approach. Women make the INITIAL choice. Women want who they want. What women do is let men know that they have been chosen in a non-verbal way. Women typically don’t approach men though this isn’t unprecedented. What women do is put themselves in the position to be approached by particular men. Let me provide a great example.
Years ago a friend of mine I’ll call Maryann told me the story of how she met her boyfriend. She was attending a university in Washington, DC. She lived in an apartment near the school. She started noticing a tall, handsome man who walked by her building the same time every day. She was good at reading people and she could tell he was her type not so much by his looks but because of how he dressed and groomed himself. She was only attracted to upper middle class men and dude walking by building fit the bill. After clocking him for a few weeks she put herself in his path. He said hi to her and she was receptive. They would go on a date later that week. Now dude may think he took the initiative by approaching her. No, she had chosen him weeks before he knew she existed. All she had to do was let him know that he had been chosen.
Quick tidbit about me. Most of what I know about getting women came from women. I’ve only received useful information about getting women from maybe three men. That’s why so many men are sexually frustrated because many don’t want to listen to women and the ones who do usually only get the politically correct information. The greatest skill a man can develop is being able to listen to a woman without judging her.
Just gave away some powerful game.
Anyway if one really pays attention what women say in different forums and in the media the whole game is to get the Select men. In my blogs I focus a lot on Mr. Goodbar. Mr. Goodbar doesn’t approach a lot of women. Indeed I know a man is seen as Mr. Goodbar when he complains about women texting him all the time or having women say hi to him on the street when he is not trying to be bothered. The typical Mr. Goodbar is lousy at approaching women because it’s not a skill he had to work on. Here’s another example which I might have used before but it illustrates my point.
I was at a natural hair care expo selling books. The way it was set up I had some women standing a few yards behind me. A definite Mr. Goodbar who had bought my book was walking by my table again. One of the women behind me saw the man and yelled out to him, “Hey I want to take you home.” The brotha walked over to the woman, took out his smart phone, and handed it to her and said, “Put your number in here.” She put her number in his phone, he took back the phone, sent her a text and just walked off. Very little was said, everything was understood. This wasn’t an ugly woman either. She was slightly above average looking with a brickhouse body.
In the media there are all sorts of advice to men about what they can do get women. Many men do exactly what is recommended and still find themselves in a state of involuntary celibacy. What’s not being said is that the advice given to men is intended for only 25 percent of the male population. Women want certain things from the Select Men. They could care less about Non-Select Men. The information isn’t for them. Let me share another example.
We’ve all seen memes such as “A Real Man Will Love All of a Woman” or “Real Men Love Curves.” The idea is to get men to feel attraction for a woman regardless of how overweight she is. I’ve seen many of these memes with a muscular man in a sexual embrace with an overweight, and in many cases, obese woman. The key thing is that it is ALWAYS a muscular man. I have NEVER seen one of these memes with a fat woman hugged up with a short man, a skinny man, a stocky man, or a fat man. The reason is that these memes are not directed at regular men. These memes are directed at pretty boys, musclemen, and handsome rich men.
That should show you the real game right there.
Many fat women are trying to shame Select Men into wanting them and yet these fat women reject the Non-Select Men who do want them. Plenty of men are sincerely attracted to overweight women. These men will love a woman regardless of her muffin top and cellulite. It’s not even a case of them settling. They will love all of a woman and yet I’ve personally witnessed obese women put the men who want them the most into the dreaded friend-zone. I’ve seen outright cruel rejections. The game of the fat woman is to use shame to get Mr. Goodbar. Others use money but that’s another blog.
A man instead of chasing women who have not chosen him is better served by working on his body and his finances. A man does this and he becomes the prize. Then the man has to recognize when he has been chosen. That’s the real game.
Social media has been abuzz lately over the video of the young woman walking through the streets of New York and getting catcalled over 100 times. At least that’s what we’re told since apparently there was some selective editing done. Once again the subject of street harassment has been brought front and center for people to express to moral outrage over. Me being me I have looked at the issue and want to share my perspective.
The main issue with street harassment is NOT that it happens. The real issue is that women are being harassed are getting attention from men that they do not find ATTRACTIVE. If one pays attention to the commentators and videos complaining about harassment the main issue is that women are getting UNWANTED attention from CERTAIN men. I don’t say this lightly. When I speak I do so based on actual life experiences. Let me share some things.
Back in the nineties when I worked in downtown Washington, DC, I used to meet women in the streets a lot. A whole lot. I got phone numbers, dates, and sex from women I met initially on the street. Even in my books I talk about how to meet women on the street. Now to be clear the way I met women was decidedly different from walking up to a woman saying “hey beautiful,” or even “hello.” I used to meet to women at either bus stops or subway stations. Often a woman would strike up a conversation with me while sitting next to me on the bus or train. Another scenario that happened a lot is that women would simply say “hello” or otherwise just start conversations while I was walking down the street minding my own business. Even to this day an occasional woman will see me on the street or especially in a mall and say “smile.” I keep a serious look on my face most of the time.
It was extremely rare that I initiated a conversation with a woman on the street. One time I did was in the nineties when I worked near the White House. I’ll call the woman Celia. She was tall, about 5’10”, had a pretty face, and big shapely legs. Shapely legs drive me crazy. She could literally cause accidents. It was of the rare times I used real game to connect to a woman. I was walking by the bus stop when I saw her and I walked past her without saying anything. I didn’t even looked back. I just looked at my watch and noted what time she was at the bus stop. The next day she was there again and I still didn’t say anything. A few more days went like this. After a couple of days I walked by and just said “hey” and she responded by saying “hi” and we left it at that. After a few days of this I stopped and said, “We always say hi to each other. We should at least know each other’s name.” We exchanged names. A few days later phone numbers. Maybe a month or so later we went out on a date.
Now someone may say why I took my time with her. One I read the situation. The reason she was at that particular bus stop was that she was constantly getting harassed at the bus stop that was closer to her job. She was pretty and built like a brickhouse. The combination is a magnet for catcalling. I knew that men were constantly hitting on her. By walking past her without saying anything I did several things. The most important thing I did was set myself apart from other men. Then by walking past her I allowed her to get used to my face and to give her a chance to choose me. I knew she chose me when she would smile when she saw me coming. Also a very important factor was that I always had on a suit when I walked past her. This brings me back to a point I mentioned at the beginning of this blog: The main issue with street harassment is UNWANTED attention from CERTAIN men.
People who follow my blog and have read my work know I divide the male population into four major categories in terms how women see them. Two of the categories are select meaning that women will seek them out for relationships. Two of the categories are non-select in that women generally do not seek them out for relationships. The two select categories are Mr. Goodbar and the Masked Men. Goodbars are select for the most part because women find them very good looking. There are a few exceptions. Masked Men are men that LOOK successful. The two non-select categories are the Nice Guys and the Gamesmen. Nice Guys lack the looks or look of success that will turn a woman on sexually. The Gamesmen are in the same boat. Each group of men will interact differently with women on the street.
Goodbars RARELY say anything to women on the street. A man in the Goodbar category typically gets harassed by WOMEN in the streets. Some women are extremely aggressive when they see a man they find physically or sexually attractive. Ask me how I know. Goodbars also have to be concerned with gay men hitting on them. The average Goodbar will ignore all but the most physically attractive women when he is out and about.
Masked Men are not going to be inclined to say anything to women on the street. Masked Men are successful men and as a result tend to be elitist. In the eyes of men commenting on the street harassment issue on social media, blogs, and websites, most of the women complaining are average looking at best. Masked Men want trophy women. It’s very rare a successful man will be seen walking around with anything less than a woman who looks a fashion model. If a Masked Man is even on the street they will about business and will generally ignore most of the women around them.
Nice Guys are generally not going to say anything to women on the street. Nice Guys as a group are not that aggressive. They will generally be too shy to approach. At most they may look, but the average woman wouldn’t feel threatened. Nice Guys are the invisible men of the dating world. Women simply don’t see them.
Now those Gamesmen. Any real discussion about street harassment has to focus on them. Every single man I have seen in a street harassment video has been a Gamesmen. I can tell this even in cases where the faces are blurred. Goodbars will tend to have superior body builds. Masked Men will be dressed well. Nice Guys will be dressed plainly. Now please understand what I mean when say Gamesman. The Gamesman is non-select. He doesn’t have the looks or the money to attract women. He would normally be invisible to women like the Nice Guy except for one key factor: he is aggressive. At some point in his life the Gamesman realized that the only way he was going to fulfill his sexual needs was by being aggressive in his dealings with women. Formally or informally he had to learn some game. One aspect of that game is to approach as many women as possible.
Most women are going to reject the Gamesman. He knows that and is quite frankly cool with that scenario. The Gamesman if nothing else has a thick skin. It’s part of the game. Here’s the thing. Say a Gamesman says hi to twenty five women in a single day. Twenty Two of them are annoyed beyond belief and will complain about being harassed. Two of the women will engage him because it’s easier and some women do like the game. One woman will give him her phone number because the Gamesman may be the only man to show her any attention. Guess what. Twenty four women rejected the Gamesman but in his eyes he wins because one gave him her number. The Gamesman repeats this process for a month and he will end up with five to ten serious prospects. There are Goodbars and Masked Men who don’t have that many prospects in a month.
Gamesmen are going to keep talking to women in the street because in their eyes it works. Bottom line. Now there are extreme cases where a woman’s life can be in danger. People will say we have to criminalize street harassment for that reason. Okay let’s say we criminalize it. Has criminalizing rape which is a way worst crime stopped it? Has criminalizing child molestation stopped it? Even if street harassment was criminalized, which incidentally some of it is anyway as touching somebody can be considered an assault, would that stop it? A man has more to gain than to lose by hitting on women in the street. Even if the laws are on the books how often would they be enforced? Say a woman feels harassed, she calls the police, and goes back to the spot and finds the man she feels harassed her. Without witnesses or a cell phone recording it’s just one person’s word against another. Police will not be inclined to arrest someone without evidence that a crime has been committed. Also the possibility exists that someone could be falsely accused of harassment. The accused could charge the accuser with slander and maybe libel as well. As someone with experience in the court system, I can say that prosecutors will not want to be bothered with these types of cases.
Now to be clear I’m not saying just ignore street harassment. I personally believe that men should limit who they talk to on the street anyway. If a woman isn’t giving a man a blatant invitation such as a smile or she initiates the conversation he should just leave her alone. Too many men are gassing up the heads of basic women and it really isn’t worth the trouble. That’s what men need to do. Women on the other hand need to examine their own actions in encouraging street harassment. I don’t mean in terms of how they dress. Women need to look at their selection criteria. Boys evolve into Gamesmen because they no longer want to be invisible. The only way for them not to be invisible is for women to change their criteria.
Now I know women feel justified in wanting what they want. Many women feel entitled to have that pretty boy or bad boy with the killer body. Women feel entitled to successful men. What I have seen over the years are attempts to shame men into engaging with less than desirable women. One thing is shaming men into dating fat women. Even though there are men who are genuinely attracted to larger women most really are not. This is especially the case with Goodbars and Masked Men. Yet many women feel like a man should want a less than desirable woman. Friends and family will say, “She’s so nice though.” Many men can attest to feeling this type of pressure. Let’s turn this around. There’s no real pressure on a woman to take a less than desirable man. The complaints about the “shortage of good men” is really about the shortage of desirable men. The largest category of men are the Gamesmen. If women gave Gamesmen that same opportunity that they want Goodbars and Masked Men to give basic women I guarantee the incidents of street harassment would go down immensely. All these men really want is a loving relationship. Most of them are good loyal men. No they not fine nor are they likely to become millionaires. At the same time the women rejecting them are not fine nor are likely to be millionaires. In many ways women are rejecting men who are their matches.
Now let me be VERY clear. I’m not saying women need to respond to men on the street. Women do need to pay more attention to men in more proper venues such as churches, gatherings, cultural festivals, or wherever men and women gather. Another good way is good old fashioned personal introductions. If a man should give unattractive woman a chance, a woman should do the same. Sometimes people find diamonds in the rough.
The only way to truly deal with street harassment is to change the relationship culture as it exists now. Anything else is simply a waste of time and energy.
It seems nearly every week there is a story in the media about a female teacher getting into trouble for having sex with a male student. I’m not going to get into whether the sex is right or wrong. My only position is that it happens. For every incident that is reported in the media there are hundreds that are happening every day. For many young teenaged boys having sex with a hot teacher is a fantasy. Now what’s interesting about the women who get caught is that when you look at their pictures you can’t help but think that they can get a handsome man with money. Indeed many of these women will have husbands or at least boyfriends. Like many things there is more to this issue of older women having sex with younger boys. We have to go deeper on this one.
I’m going to be honest with y’all. I don’t personally see the big deal. Older women going for young teenaged boys has been happening for a very long time. When I was a teenager I had brief relationships with a couple of women older than me. Even when I was in my early twenties I attracted the attention of older women. One even “kidnapped” me. Actually that happened a couple of times. Yeah, that’s yet another book. Anyway what was telling was not so much I attracted these women but what I had going on for me at the time.
During my teenaged years and early twenties women probably didn’t see me as Mr. Goodbar. I was nerdier in my appearance and demeanor. I still had some cool points to me but I didn’t have the muscles or the fly clothes. I used to wear these big glasses that covered half my face. I definitely didn’t use what some would consider game. Yes I could approach women and talk to them with ease but in each case these older women approached me. I didn’t have money or status. I didn’t even have a car. I really hadn’t grown into my looks. One older woman said I needed to lose that “baby fat” around my face. Apparently the baby fat didn’t stop her from kissing me. The way my overall presentation was at the time I shouldn’t have got any attention, let alone the attention of sexy older women. At least according to conventional wisdom. That’s another thing, the women I got attention from were the slim to shapely women who could easily get better looking men with money. Some of them did have men.
Now someone reading this will either say I had some type of game or I’m lying. I’m doing neither. Think about something with these teachers getting with younger boys. We can expand that to include older women who will have sex with their young neighbor who cuts their grass. All mothers who have teenaged boys KNOW exactly who the cougars are in their neighborhoods. Fuck the politically correct convo let’s get into some raw game here. Women know how other women are and though they may not call other women on their bullshit in public forums or social media they know how some get down. A normal mother is going to be protective of her baby boy and can take one look at a friendly neighbor and know the woman is already scheming on her son. Many men think they know game. Women are the game. That’s why I have little sympathy when a woman says a man played them. All that happened was that a man outplayed them at their own game. Let me get off this tangent though.
Here’s the thing. There is too much misinformation floating around out there with regards to women’s sexuality and their desires. The biggest single problem is that too many men believe that women don’t want to have sex as much as men. One of the reasons for this the influence of Abrahamic religions on most of the world particularly Christianity and Islam. Both religions fairly suppress a woman’s sexuality, especially some strains of Islam. The Christian West is only a little bit better. The views about a woman’s sexuality affect the overall culture of a society to the point where even if someone is an atheist their sexual views still reflect those of religious practioners. Bottom line is that many men don’t understand a woman’s sexual nature.
A WOMAN’S SEXUAL DESIRE IS GREATER THAN A MAN’S.
During the act of actual sexual intercourse the overwhelming majority of men according to published reports and private conversations with women are minute men. A man who can go twenty minutes is actually extraordinary. The average time is around seven minutes. The average man once he has sex regardless of the time has to rest once he has ejaculated. Women on the other hand can go for hours. Not only can they go for hours but they can do so with multiple partners. Let’s get raw.
There are women out there who have had “trains” run on them. For those who didn’t grow up in an urban environment, “running a train” is when a woman will have sex with multiple men one after the other. In some cases these are gang rapes. I’m not talking about that heinous crime. I’m talking about cases where a woman will CONSCIOUSLY take on multiple partners. There are even videos on amateur porn sites which show a woman having a train run on her. Not saying it’s right or wrong, it just is. The bottom line is that the average woman can have sex for hours. Now the average woman isn’t going to be inclined to have a train run on her, but she will at least have a strong desire to be sexually satisfied. So what does this have to do with older women going after younger boys?
On a basic level the women are looking for satisfying sex. The most important sexual skill for a man is simply duration. When a woman is evaluating the sexual worthiness of a man one of the main things she is looking for is whether he can last long. The one thing the teenaged boy brings to the table is vitality. Just like a girl is at her sexual peak as a teenager the boy is at his sexual peak. When it comes to sex women aren’t tripping over money. Money doesn’t mean anything once the clothes comes off and two people are in the act of sexual intercourse. So a man makes a million dollars and owns two luxury cars and a big house. Sexually a woman wants to know if he can keep a firm stroke up for 30 minutes preferably longer. Many men with money and status can’t do this. Many trophy wives have affairs.
Even a man with a handsome face and muscular body may not turn on many women. Let me clarify this because I know this statement may seem to contradict much of what I write. In GENERAL a man will get more attention from women with handsome face and muscular body. If a man is having trouble with women the smartest thing for him to do is change his facial grooming and either put on muscles or lose weight. That doesn’t always seal the deal though. There are plenty of handsome, muscular men out there who don’t attract the number of women sexually someone thinks they would. At best these men may get a wife or girlfriend who will still cheat on them or maybe a sidepiece or two. The men who may have ten or more women in rotation are not always the most handsome or muscular.
Many men out there use what they consider “game” to get women. Let’s keep it one hundred. Women see through a man’s games. What men learn through a book, website or seminars women have been learning since they were babies. That baby girl learned that when she cried or laughed a certain way this big person she would eventually call daddy would respond to her. That’s where the manipulation started. Then she watches her mother manipulate men for different things. As she grows up she finds that if she dresses and behaves a certain way boys will do things in her favor. My point is that any game a man has pales in comparison to a woman’s games. Women see through a man’s games but play along because of lack of options. Gamesmen are not the Goodbars and Masked Men that women want. Women see these men as lames, clowns, or even simps. An irony is that these men think they are on top of the game. Men like this can only win by wearing a woman down. A very significant number of women are not with the man they want to be with but rather the man who was the most persistent in chasing them.
What women ultimately want is the man or in many cases who is most sexually desirable to them. That man is not always going to be the best looking or most muscular. He may not have money or status. In the case of teenaged boys, he will not have enough life experience to have that thing called game. What women will look for is that man who looks like he can satisfy them in the bedroom. The man or boy who looks like he can fuck will beat out the money man, the pretty boy, the muscle head, and the gamer.
I challenge anyone to show me otherwise.
I write a lot of things regarding male/female relationships that either doesn’t make sense to people or seems like I don’t know what I’m talking about. There’s a reason for that. The reason is one of perspective. Most people can only relate to things that match their own worldview. Indeed most people will only seek out information that validates their perspectives. If something doesn’t validate their perspective they tend to reject the information. That’s the reason why despite all of the books, seminars, coaches, and bloggers out there it seems like relationships are getting worse and not better. Most commentators, including professionals, have only seen a part of the picture and not the whole thing. There were some incidents many years ago that illustrate my point.
When I first published my books I did a lot of seminars. I remember two in particular that stand out because of the contrasts between the participants. The first seminar was with a group of Black professionals. The organizers of the seminar had read my book, Nice Guys and Players, and had pulled my character types out for role play among the participants. They were scary spot on acting out the characters of the Nice Guy, Gamesman, and Masked Man. When they got to Mr. Goodbar the characterization was off. By miles. An interesting thing happened. When the discussion was focused on the first three types the conversation was lively even heated. When I talked about Mr. Goodbar the place was quiet. You could literally hear a pin drop. The concept of a man who had women walk up and drop their panties was alien to most people of the room. Well, except for the Goodbar in the corner working his magic on a Buppie with the phat ass booty. He looked at me, gave me a head nod, and went back to work. Like most things I’ve encountered in life I placed the moment in a mental file cabinet to pull out and think about later.
The second incident came a few years later. I was doing a seminar with some true to the game thugs. These were men convicted of minor crimes and were only sitting down with me because a Judge didn’t leave them any choice in the matter. An interesting thing happened. Usually when I discussed my books and ideas with groups the information would be received with disbelief and at times ridiculed because it went against the belief systems of seminar participants. At times I thought maybe I was the one who was off. Then I come across a group of real thugs. An interesting thing happened. After a little bit of an introduction to my books these men opened up about their experiences and told me the contents of my books. Not only did they know about Mr. Goodbar they were Mr. Goodbar. These men were telling me some things that quite frankly a person would be hard-pressed to find a mention of in any form of media.
See here’s the thing. In a previous blog I talked about men and women having two faces, a social face and a sexual face. The social face is the one everyone sees. That’s the face with the business suit, going to the kids’ soccer games, and being good neighbor by keeping the grass cut. Most relationship advice, most discussions about Alpha and Beta Males, most conversations about what women want focus on the social faces. The sexual faces are something completely different. Socially, a person has a professional job, is a good parent, and neighbor. They even go to church regularly. Sexually that person is a swinger who routinely has sex with strangers. The sexual face is how a person behaves in sexual manner. A major problem in relationship discussions is that the focus is on social faces. The whole Alpha Male thing for example is based on a social face. The Alpha Male is supposedly the take charge, center of attention man who gets all the hot women. This of course is based on the assessment of what such a man is doing socially. The man holding court in a bar is only dominating socially. There may be a few women feeling his vibe but trust me they may never go home with him. Many socially dominant men are weak behind closed doors. So why do I say this?
I’m one of those people who has encountered a WHOLE lot of people in life. I personally have been acquainted with many alternative sex workers. We’re talking about Dominatrixes, and Tantric Massage workers. I’ve also known phone sex workers, sugar babies, true gold diggers, escorts, and strippers. These women have told me a lot about their clients. We’re not talking losers living in their mom’s basements playing video games all day. The women I talked to told me about encounters with men who were SOCIALLY Alpha Males. Straight up, a dude living in his mom’s basement couldn’t afford most of these women. It’s funny as hell to me that a whole subculture of men focuses on being the Alpha Males they see socially without knowing anything about the sexual faces of these men. Let me share some things about myself to give the reader an idea about why I say the things I say.
In my early twenties I was where many men pay thousands of dollars to get. This was back in the late eighties and early nineties. I was at the top of that thing called game. I had zero anxiety approaching women. To use the street language of the time, I had a “smooth rap.” On top of that my fashion and grooming game was A-1. I also had the status of being of Black man with a degree who was pursuing a post graduate degree. The only real weakness in my game was my weight. Though I’m a natural mesomorph, if I don’t work out consistently I would gain weight. The good thing about me gaining weight is that my body tends to gain evenly and not just in one area such as my stomach. Even though I had extra weight on I carried it very well. At most my weight gave me an average physical appearance which I was able to compensate for by having a smooth rap and wicked fashion game, especially with my shoes.
With my game at the time I was able to date and have sex with some very attractive and shapely women. Now I had still had to put in some work to woo the women. Nobody was sleeping with me on the first date, maybe fourth or fifth date. Of course there were some rejections. Also I did hear the words, “Let’s just be friends.” There were plenty of women in what I call the “Not Sure Zone.” Women in that zone will have a little sexual attraction for a man but not enough to simply drop her panties. A man has to work for a woman in that zone. Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he don’t. Where I was at the time I thought I was at the top of the game. I was getting a LOT of play from attractive women primarily in the six to eight range. Even a few Nines and Tens showed some interest. Then around 1991 I entered the Sexual Shadow World and had my mind blown.
I had started running in the spring of 1990 because a Nine didn’t want to have sex with me because of my weight. I was weighing about 230 and quite frankly getting a little sloppy. During that summer my weight came down to about 215 and to be honest I didn’t think anything of it. I was getting pretty much the same play I was getting before from women in the six to eight range. Then some interesting things happened to take everything to a different level.
The first was that I was in the application process for a certain prominent federal law enforcement agency. I had passed the panel interviews and now had to prepare to pass a physical fitness test. I was required to do a certain number of pushups, sit-ups, and to be able to run 2 miles under 16 minutes. So instead of jogging I had to start running. I had to train more intensely. So starting in the winter of 1990 until the summer of 1991 I dropped even more weight. I went down to 190 pounds of lean muscle mass. I passed the test with flying colors. I was walking around at my optimal physique as the sit-ups had developed my abs and the pushups had developed my arms and chest. Women started going crazy over my body to the point where I would ROUTINELY get approached on the street. Even had some young girls yell out their car windows while I was walking on the street. So I had a body that was attracting women to me. That was one part of the equation. The second part came from some unique individuals.
In the summer of 1991 I encountered some sex workers. For legal reasons I can’t get into the particulars but during that summer I learned a lot about the inner sexual nature of women. It was some things not discussed in public and still isn’t. On the internet now there are some men who called themselves “Red Pill” because they think they know the sexual nature of women. They don’t and they’re deluded. They’ve barely scratched the surface. They don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World. Even some men who get a lot of sex don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World. But I digress.
These sex workers gave me a real education. I already knew a lot from women I had been around as a child but these women took me to a new level. There were also one older man who gave me some insight. One of the reasons I don’t hold what is taught as game on the internet in high regard is because of that man. I’ll call the man James. James was an older Jamaican who had a scary insight into how people behaved psychologically. He could look at someone and tell you what’s going on with them. He would mess with people’s heads just to pass the time. He was especially adept at fucking or as he said “getting some punanny.” He was talking about setting up a 900 line which was popular back then to tell men how to bring a woman to orgasm. He was actually the first man I had met who was talking about satisfying women sexually. Most men fail because they don’t look like they can or even care about getting a woman to orgasm.
The combination of the sex workers and James took me into the Sexual Shadow World. In that world Mr. Goodbar is the Alpha Male. Yet in the social world the same man may be a minimum wage worker or shy in a crowd. In the Sexual Shadow World the men at the top of the pyramid are not the tall good looking men with status or game. Physical appearance is important, indeed of supreme importance but not in the classic way that is important in the social world. First of all a man’s face doesn’t matter as much. In the Sexual Shadow World a good looking face is a bonus but not a necessity. If one takes an honest look at the SEXUALLY attractive people they are rarely very physically attractive in the face. There are exceptions but in general SEXUALLY attractive people have average faces. Don’t believe me? Take a real good look at the men and women who turn on people sexually. All they have in common are great bodies. Many are buttafaces. A good looking face is more important for in the social world. When it comes down to sex, a man just needs a hot body, a decent size dick, and some fair sexual skills.
In this case physical appearance is more about the body, the print, and how the man moves which gives the woman a clue about how he would be in bed. See most of what’s in the media is focused on what women want socially. The key to a woman is what type of man she lusts for. A woman may publically say she wants a man who’s tall, with a good looking face, with status and a decent body. Many women when presented with what they say they want may still reject the man. The reason is that they don’t lust the man. Indeed when many women say they love a man they are really saying they lust him. Socially a woman may want that classic good looking man who seems dominant. Sexually she wants that rough looking man with hard body and big dick who would pound her pussy like it stole something.
A key component to the Nice Guys and Players Philosophy is to be a man who can satisfy a woman’s social needs AND her sexual needs. Despite the talk about there being a shortage of men many women who are even reasonably attractive have two men in their lives. The first man is the socially acceptable boyfriend or husband. The first man takes her out, spends money on her, and provides emotional support. He is acceptable to her friends and family. In many cases he is considered an Alpha Male. The second man is one nobody knows about. His only purpose is to satisfy her lust. He might not be classically handsome, he may be broke, and truth be told not even have what is commonly considered game. He can fuck though. Well.
Now I’m not talking about theory here. During the period I lived in the Sexual Shadow World I would say the OVERWELMING majority of women I dealt with had boyfriends. As far as I know I didn’t mess with any women with husbands. I say as far as I know because women lie more than men. I did know some men who didn’t have a problem with fucking another man’s wife. I seriously consider women hypocrites when they talk about cheating men. When women are in lust they don’t give a fuck. A woman will fuck her best friend and sister’s husbands in a threesome if she lusts them. They will find a rationalization to satisfy their lust. It wasn’t certain trashy women either cheating either. It was something that crossed class lines and even subculture. I’ve dealt with church girls, nerd girls, and princesses who cheated on their men. Those goody-goody girls can be the worse. The Sexual Shadow World is where that perfect Ten will do the freaky-freaky while tied up.
Here’s the thing. Many men reject what I tell them because it goes against CONVENTIONAL wisdom. There are men out there who think if they just get some plastic surgery all of a sudden they’ll get hot woman. There are men who think if they behave in a dominant manner the women will drop their panties. There are men learning game in their attempts to get hot women or any women. The only thing a man needs to do is develop himself to the point where a woman will LOOK at him and say to herself, “he can get it.” At the point the man needs to be present enough to pick up on her SEXUAL desire. He then needs to be smart enough not to say something stupid and give what one beautiful woman once said, “Instant dryness.”
The only game is lust. If a man wants more and better women he needs to develop his overall physical appearance so that it generates lust. The man also has KNOW that women want sex as much as men. Indeed the truth is the more sexually attractive a woman is the more they will choose a man based on pure lust.
I just gave y’all some raw game. I wonder who will pick up on it. Hit up me here.