Blog Archives

How Women Really See Men

5/31/2015

            One of the foundations of what I talk about in my books and blogs is how women categorize men into select and non-select categories.   These categories are further broken down into four subcategories.   For the most part it has helped many people and I will continue to use the categories in a general sense when discussing certain aspects of male/female relationships. That being said, I also believe in evolution.   I’m a student as well as a teacher and I will continue learn and evolve until the day I transition.   I’ve encountered a very significant issue with this classification system.   I’ve known about it for years but until now haven’t figured out a way to correct the issue.   The problem is that despite how descriptive I tend to be with the categories many men have a hard time figuring out where they are placed.

            Most men think they are select.   If I ask a man where he think he places many will say Mr. Goodbar.   Some with a little bit of money will say Masked Man.   Listening to these men talk and being in a position to watch women respond to them I realize that these men are non-select.   At the same time I’ve had men who would definitely qualify as Mr. Goodbar identify themselves as Nice Guys because they didn’t feel like they had game. Understandable since Mr. Goodbar types tend to be lousy at doing any work to get a woman.   Very few Goodbars have “game.”   Almost no man identifies themselves as a Gamesmen even though conversations with them reveal that the only they get women is through deception.   Thus the big problem.   Though many men get the concepts in general they have still not been as helpful as they could be.

            It’s the same thing for people who use the Alpha Male/Beta Male model.   Many men are confused as to what is Alpha and what is Beta.   This question will be asked and discussed on many message boards and blogs.   Some men will think they are Alpha when they are not. Some men will think they are Beta when they are not.   See the key to all this is not how men see themselves but rather how women see them.

            See when women categorize men they don’t do so in hierarchal terms.   They don’t go into a club and say, “Oh there’s the Alpha Male, let me try to get his attention.”   They don’t really use the terms I use either which are really like general allegories.   They don’t go into a club and say “Oh, there’s Mr. Goodbar, let me go jump on his dick because he’s taller and handsomer than the other men.”   Men and women think differently. Men tend to be more direct and focused.   Men are like Hawks.   A Hawk will fly from point A to point B in the shortest time possible.   Women are like Butterflies.   A Butterfly will still go from Point A to Point B but they will stop every time they get a chance.   They sure as hell won’t go in a straight line.   They might fly close to point B at some point and then fly back to point A.   Women are more circular in their thoughts and movements.   Women don’t rate men according to hierarchy but rather according to whatever their needs are at that particular moment.

            What follows are eight of the categories that women in general put men into. There are actually more depending on the woman. I won’t use allegorical names for this.   These are everyday terms that any man can recognize.   Also something to keep in mind is that all men can fall into every single category.   A man who is seen as Husband material to one woman is seen as a Creep to another woman.   A man who is seen as Dick to one woman is Invisible to still another woman.   The thing to understand from these categories knowing that regardless of how a man see himself a woman will have a completely different viewpoint.

HUSBAND

            As the name suggests women see this man as good husband material.   This doesn’t mean they see him as particularly handsome or sexy.   It means they see him as someone they could build a life with.   Usually it means someone that shares their value system and would be acceptable to family and social circle.   For most women it means a responsible man who will handle his business.   Women tend to take their time with this man.   They will date this man for a while before sleeping with him because most women know that men will not want to marry a woman who has sex with them too soon.   Women tend to get conservative when dealing with a Husband type.   Women tend to choose Husbands for pragmatic reasons and not for romantic reasons.

BOYFRIEND

            The Boyfriend isn’t seen as a marriage prospect.   Yes many women marry their boyfriends after a while but this is something different.   The Boyfriend serves two primary purposes, entertainment and companionship.   The Boyfriend is the steady guy to have fun with and provide regular sex.   He isn’t necessarily Husband material.   Many women know that beyond fun and games the man they’re dealing with is a loser. Some lie to themselves and try to see something that isn’t there but as I maintain, women are way more pragmatic than they are given credit for.   Many women who deal with bad boys don’t plan to marry these men. That’s why a woman can be with a Boyfriend for years and still end up marrying another man.

DICK

            When a woman sees a man as Dick, it literally means his value to her is his penis.   Dick is not seen as Husband or Boyfriend material. This is regardless of what Dick has going for him socially.   A significant number of women just want a hard penis up in them.   Dick is whoever a woman considers sexy enough to jump his bones with as few complications as possible.   Generally men in this category have solid body builds.   Facially these men may not be the most handsome and they may not be that intelligent.   It’s irrelevant as women just want their dicks.   Many women with Husbands and Boyfriends will cheat with Dick.   Dick’s calling card is great sex or at least the women will think so upon meeting them.   Much of a woman’s arousal is based on her imagination but that’s is another blog.

BUDDY

          A woman will have sex occasionally with Husbands, more with Boyfriends, and as much as possible with Dicks.   When a woman sees a man as a Buddy he’s been put in the dreaded friend zone.   A Buddy is the type of man a woman will be cool with.   She will have conversations with him. She will joke around with him but she does not see him in a sexual manner.   She might not even him as a friend.   A Buddy is more somebody a woman happens to know.   They probably have something in common like work or a social group. A woman is not going to share any deep secrets with a Buddy.

BROTHER

           A woman seeing a man as a Brother is probably the worst part of the friend zone.   That means the women sees ZERO sexual value in a particular man.   Even a Buddy with some effort can move into the Husband or Boyfriend category.   When a woman puts a man into the Brother category on some level she is saying, “I will never have sex with you.” What she will do is treat you like her brother or depending on the situation, her sister.   A woman will tell a Brother, “I haven’t had sex with my Husband in a year but that’s okay.   Dick has been giving me that good-good. He got a big one and knows how to use it.”   A man knows he’s been seen as a woman’s Brother when she has no problem discussing intimate details of her sex life with him.

THIRSTY

            A woman sees a man as Thirsty when he just pesters the hell out of her and she has no interest in him.   This is the guy who likes all of her pictures on social media or texts her all the time if he manages to get her number. Most women see men who catcall them on the street as Thirsty.   Most women are turned off by Thirsty men.   The reason why is because of how women think.   Their reasoning is that if a man is getting regular sex he’s not going to be thirsty.   Thus if a man is thirsty something must be wrong with him if he is not getting regular sex.   A few women will keep a Thirsty man around for a spare Dick.   Thirsty men are to women what fat ugly women are to men, easy.   Every now and then a woman needs somebody who is going to come over and eat the pussy without any major problems.   Many will string along a Thirsty man for this reason.

CREEP

          Thirsty men tend to be decent looking enough for some women to string along.   Creeps are Thirsty men who are physically repulsive to women.   They are unable to physically arouse women. Indeed their presence tends to evoke negative feelings in women.   A man in the Dick category can say, “Good morning” to a woman and she will go weak in the knees.   A Creep says the exact same thing he might get cursed out and have a video of him getting cursed out go viral on the internet.   Women will get mad that a Creep even approaches them.

INVISIBLE

         Women don’t even see these men.   There could be a social event where are thirty men.   Ten of the men are Invisible.   Later when asked how many men were at the event most of the women in attendance will say, “About twenty.”   Yeah it’s that deep.   An Invisible can say, “Good morning” to a woman on the street and she won’t respond because she literally didn’t hear or see him.   Many men don’t register on a woman’s radar. Women simply don’t see them.   Even a Creep registers more than an Invisible.

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            As I said these are only eight of the categories. Every SINGLE woman has a way she rates men which will be influenced by factors such as race, religion, economic class, and even whether she is in hurry to get home to watch a TV show.   The average woman sizes up a man according to her criteria in a few seconds.   They are very good at this.   Indeed I call bullshit on women who act surprised when a man they’re dealing with turns out to be a loser. Very few women are fooled that easily by a man.   Women learn how to read men from the time they are babies.   The problem is women like to play innocent victims and many simps and white knights want to believe them.   I’m going to go in on this in another blog.

            The takeaway is that a man must work hard to find out how women really see him.   Don’t ask family members. If they love you they won’t be honest.   Ask women you think will tell you the truth.   A player once told me that it’s very important to cultivate female friends who will practice tough love with you.   They will let a man know how other women see him.   They will even suggest improvements.   Once a man knows how women see him he can make real progress in getting the women he truly desires.

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The Wolf

5/24/2015

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            I was watching a video the other day. It was a Pickup Artist (PUA) telling a hotel hall full of men how to get women. Same old thing.   I only watched a few minutes when a thought came in my head. The thought was, “That bamma don’t get no damn pussy.” At that moment I didn’t see him as many clueless virgin and involuntary celibate men saw him.   Since they were paying lots of money to sit and listen to him they obviously saw him as a player, ladies’ man, Alpha Male, whateva.   I doubt this bamma even got pity sex from a woman.   The reason I felt this way because despite sounding confident and knowledgeable he missed one key ingredient that drives women wild.   He didn’t have The Wolf.

            Now what is The Wolf?   To know The Wolf, one has to understand the three levels of real sexual attraction.   The first level is physical appearance.   The foundation of sexually arousing a person is having a good body build.   No amount of political correctness will change this.   Different groups of people are trying to alter this reality but movements that came about in the last fifty years are not going to change millions of years of evolution.   The only law nature adheres to is “survival of the fittest.”   The second level is the ability to emotionally connect with another person.   Two people physically attracted to each other go on a date but find they are incompatible.   The potential of a relationship is not there.   Most relationship advice focuses on the first two levels whether it’s the dating coach, therapist, or Tantra Master.   Then there’s a third level which no one seems to talk about.   The Wolf.

            The third level of sexual attraction is primal.   The body and mind are at best outer representations of an inner thing. That thing is energy. It is intangible.   You can’t see it.   A person can most certainly feel it even it’s on a subconscious level.   In a woman it is the energy that draws a man to want to impregnate her.   A woman’s egg does not leave the body to find a sperm.   To reproduce a woman has to entice a man to her.   This energy makes a woman passive and receptive. She is a juicy fruit on a tree. Subconsciously the energy is saying to the man, “come get this fruit.”   In a man, it is the energy that moves a man to take ACTION to get the fruit. The primal masculine energy makes the man assertive and aggressive.   The man will only reproduce if the sperm leaves his body and enters a woman’s body in search of the egg.   Thus we have The Wolf.

            The Wolf isn’t that suit and tie dude flashing his money and playing up his status.   The Wolf isn’t that passive aggressive dude using some type of game to get with a woman.   The Wolf isn’t about the money. The Wolf isn’t about talking.   The Wolf is about energy.   When a woman looks at The Wolf she will feel that energy.   The Wolf doesn’t have to say a word.    The very presentation of The Wolf says to the woman, “I will pick you up and slam against you the wall and bang the living shit out of you.   You will scream at the top of your lungs in pure ecstasy as I take you to the highest levels of orgasm.   You will feel the raw lust is that is aroused by the very sight, smell and touch of you.   I will take that muthafucking pussy!” All this is communicated to a woman in mere seconds.   A woman sees a man radiating this type of energy and she has three orgasms on the spot.

            A man knows when another man has that energy because he will either feel scared and his muscles will tense to prepare him to fight.   Many men who practice what they consider to be “game” try to “out Alpha” other men in their social groups.   They will use verbal putdowns to impress the women.   These men don’t have The Wolf.   Men who have The Wolf don’t talk much when confronting or competing with other men.     Most men do not fuck with The Wolf. It’s hard to adequately describe this energy because it is primal and older than human communication.   It’s like charisma, you know it when you see it.   You feel it.

            The Wolf is highly suppressed in this society.   Men don’t really do anything to bring out The Wolf.   Men can get in trouble for merely looking at a woman with The Wolf energy which is simply raw lust.   It’s not just sex. The Wolf is also a fighter but how much do men really fight with their hands now?   Guns are for cowards. It doesn’t take courage or heart to fire a gun at someone. The Wolf fights with his hands. That’s raw aggression.   Men watch TV to watch other men be men.   The Wolf is a hunter. How many men truly hunt for their food and not just for sport?   Many men are becoming like women energetically.   Muscular men get so much attention not because they are muscular but because there is little competition.   Men are physically looking soft.   And they have the nerve to wonder why women ain’t giving them no pussy.

            With the Wolf being so suppressed many men are turning to money and game to make up for what they lack inside. Yeah I said it.   There are many men who have nice bodies, are handsome, and they have an above average economic status. Yet they have trouble getting women.   These are Masked Men who lack The Wolf.   Men who rely on game have it worse. They lie to themselves thinking they are winning but if a man has to use strategy, wordplay, and quite frankly deceptive tricks they don’t have The Wolf.   The Wolf can walk down the street minding his own business and have women get wet just from looking and more importantly feeling him.

            If a man has to use money, game, or even looks to get women he doesn’t have The Wolf.

            Now there are some men who do have The Wolf. They are the Bad Boys and Thugs out there. To be clear not every Bad Boy has The Wolf.   Many of these so-called Thugs are nothing but a type of Masked Man.   Anybody can get a tattoo.   There are doctors and lawyers with tattoos.   It’s easy to take the appearance of a rebel.   I’ve mentioned before on this blog that I did a seminar with true to the game Thugs.   These were men with criminal records and The Wolf.   Dangerous men. Not a single one had a tattoo.   Indeed from appearances alone it looked like I was at a bible study.

            Getting back to Bad Boys with The Wolf the thing to understand is that the very nature of the energy makes it hard for a man to conform.   It’s takes a lot of will-power. Someone with The Wolf has hard time following society’s rules. Most of the laws and customs are tools used by the elite to control the movement of people.   The Wolf isn’t a sheep.   The Bad Boy is seen as such because he doesn’t follow the rules.   When women are drawn to Bad Boys or Thugs they are really drawn to their energy.   A store clerk with the same energy will draw just as many women as a Thug. Ask me how I know.

            If someone really reads my books what I do is give someone the blueprint for unleashing The Wolf.   Society needs men to be men.   A man’s nature is to bring order out of chaos.   To bring order a man needs to maximize his potential.

            Do the work and unleash the beast.

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Goodbar Land

5/17/2015

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            I had an interesting day yesterday.   I was out and about doing what I do. I had several conversations with men about what men usually talk about if it is not sports, women.   One young man was telling me how tired he was feeling because his girl wore him out the night before. He was also telling me how jealous she gets because other women check him out and that she always checks his phone.   He also had a lot of insight into the true nature of women.   Now this is a young Black male who society would label as a thug because of his braided hair and rough appearance.   I had a conversation an hour or so later with a muscular white man who had a lot of insight into women.   This dude was a self-described Poon Hound.   Watching his head swivel every time a woman walked past us was entertaining.   As he said, “I like women. All women.”   This the type of cat who would fuck anything female that moves.   He walk by an aquarium the fish would stop swimming. He walk outside the wind stops blowing.   Outside these two, I got texts throughout the day from men who get more women than they know what to do with. It was a Goodbar type of day.   It very refreshing.

            As I’ve written several times I have talked with literally thousands of women. What I don’t say is that I’ve talked with literally thousands of men. Now when men get together the two main topics of conversation will be sports and women.   Indeed a man can go anywhere on the planet and connect with locals talking about sports or women, especially women. I’m convinced a phat ass can bring world peace.   Now most of the conversations are men complaining about their lack of success with women.   I spend a significant amount of time listening to every negative thing possible being said about women.   Even online the majority of men’s social media pages, blogs, videos, and websites are talking negative. This is the case even with sites dedicated to men improving with women.   I referenced a few of these sites in my blog, Different Worlds of Men.    There was one, however, I didn’t reference.   That world was Goodbar Land.

            I have yet to find a website that caters to Mr. Goodbar.   I’ve found some that are arguably close.   In my Different Worlds blog I mention Better Man World and Poly World.   These aren’t Goodbars though. These are Masked Man types.   These are men who had to do a lot of work to become select.   There was another underground site I didn’t mention in that article that I was privy to that catered to real Pimps.   You had to know somebody to get the link for that site. It still wasn’t a Goodbar site.   Contrary to popular belief the Pimps really don’t have as much insight into the female mind as a Goodbar. Pimps are skilled at finding and managing women who are willing to sell their body. Pimps are lousy at dealing with regular or what they call square women.   The image of the pimp is more in public consciousness. Goodbar is something else entirely.

            I have a vivid memory of a seminar I did back in 2001 based on my book, Nice Guys and Players.   It was with a group of young Black professionals.   It was standing room only and a lot of energy.   A fun part of the seminar was people acting out in skits the different character types I had in my books. It was all improv with a man and woman in each skit. They were given a brief description of each character and they went to work.   The Nice Guy and Masked Man skits were good. The Gamesman skit had me on the floor laughing.   Dude had legitimate good game which quite frankly is rare.   He later told me he had seven sisters who taught him a lot. Anyway when they got to the Goodbar skit the man came on to the woman very aggressively and I stopped laughing.   It was all wrong.   I explained the problems of the interpretation and people looked at me as if I had an antenna growing out of my head.

            Let me explain something about Mr. Goodbar.   He is the top of food chain as far as sexual desirability.   He is an Apex predator.   People think Pimps or Macks are the top dogs, the Alpha Males, but it’s really Mr. Goodbar.   The key piece with Goodbar is not that he chases women but rather they chase him.   Women actively try to seduce Mr. Goodbar.   This is an alien concept to most men who are not Goodbars. Women already know even though they don’t talk about it publically and especially not in mixed company.   Goodbars don’t street harass or spend money trying to impress women. Women will street harass and spend money trying to impress Goodbar.   Gigolos and Male Strippers are Goodbars who have gone pro.   I remember this one dude who telling me he had “arrived.”   He felt that since he was starting to get sex with decent women that he was the man.   He found out the hard way that he wasn’t.   He was getting women based on his salary, his home, and his cars.   He had arrived as a Masked Man, the mask being the resources but he wasn’t Goodbar.   A man knows he is Goodbar when women show up to his place with a trench coat on and nothing else.   A man knows he’s Goodbar when he get late night texts talking about, “What you doing?”   If a man has to open his wallet he’s not Goodbar.   Only a small percentage of men have it like that.

            Now many people think that Goodbar is probably a really handsome man that looks like a male model.   Not really.   First of all handsome is a subjective thing. What’s handsome to one woman is ugly to another.   When it comes to dating advice, there is too much emphasis on facial features even when it is said, “Looks don’t matter.”   For people who believe looks matter they feel that as long as a man has a handsome face he will get attention.   I would say I’ve seen this to be the case when a man has an EXTREMELY handsome face.   Otherwise there are standard handsome men who have a lot of trouble with women.   The issue is not their faces.   The key to turning on a woman sexually is not the face.   There are millions of handsome men who are also seen as Nice Guys.   Facially many may be better looking to women than a Goodbar.   These men are also skinny or overweight.   The key ingredient for a Goodbar is not the face but his body.   What separates Mr. Goodbar from other men is his body.   More on that later.

            See a failing with many men in relating to women is that they are too much in their heads.   They are approaching women using logical thinking.   Logical thinking by its very nature is microcosmic. It is left-brained. It sees a small part of the overall picture.   It is thinking based on information. It is limited if the information on a particular subject is limited.   For example, many men base their actions in relating to women on studies and statistics.   One example is the idea that fifty percent of Black women have herpes.   This is according to a Center for Disease Control study.   This study is based on actual test results.   Many men will base their logical thinking on this study when dealing with Black women.   The problem with this type of thinking is obvious to someone using common sense.   In order for the statement that fifty percent of Black women have herpes every single Black woman in the country would have to be tested.   A more accurate statement would be to say that fifty percent of the Black women TESTED for herpes had the disease.   A woman would only get tested for herpes or anything else for the matter only if they showed symptoms.   An analogy would be that a woman wouldn’t get tested for pregnancy unless she showed symptoms.

            My point is that logical thinking is limited as far as relationships are concerned.   It’s good for professions which have well established rules, regulations, and standards.   Dealing with women is another thing entirely.   A man who is too much in his head will see a Goodbar at a bar say something to a women and see her immediately get sexual with him.   So the man in his head thinks, “If I say the same thing I will get the same result.”   Most “game” advice focuses on saying the right things to women.   So the man says the same things as the Goodbar and fails miserably.   Depending on where he is he may get kicked out of the club or even arrested.   What the man using logic didn’t see was that the Goodbar turned on the woman sexually before he even said a word to her.   The woman was turned on by the man’s body.   All the Goodbar had to do was pick up on the woman’s interest which leads to another difference between Goodbar and the rest of the male population.   Mr. Goodbar doesn’t think the same way as other men.

            There are actually four modes of thinking.   Logical thinking is one mode which is linear, left-brained, and microcosmic.   There is also analytical thinking which is abstract, left-brained and microcosmic.   It uses analogy to compare one thing to another in order to come to a conclusion.   There is a mode called synthesis which is holistic, right-brained, and macrocosmic.   Synthesis looks at the big picture and how different parts of the picture fit together.   People who have a lot of common sense are using synthesis. Finally there is integration which is intuitive, right-brained, and macrocosmic.   People who use integration are the type that do things based on “gut feelings.”   They are drawing from their subconscious mind.   They can read a person or situation accurately without any outside information.   Most human innovations came from integration.

            As far as the four categories of men, Nice Guys, Gamesmen, and Masked Men tend to use logical and analytical thinking.   Good for working in many professions and keeping a car running but not so good for dealing with women. Relationships are a right-brain thing.   Men and even women who approach relationships using their left-brain are doomed to failure and at best a passionless coupling based on pragmatic concerns.    Goodbars tend to use synthesis and integration.   One way that I know when a man is a Goodbar or at least has the potential is that he can read women real well.   This isn’t the type of reads that are taught in PUA boot camps which treat all the women the same. A Goodbar reads each woman as an individual and adjusts his actions accordingly. Goodbar is using intuition and also a lot of common sense.   Goodbars know that women are into sex as much, even more than men.   Strangely, many men think women don’t want sex as much as men and are scandalized when women show how sexual they can really get.   Goodbar intuits a woman’s sexual interest.   Using common sense Goodbar realizes that just like men are attracted to a woman’s body, women are attracted to a man’s body.

            Many dating advice professionals will advise men to join a gym and get fit.   The problem is that the men will still approach women while still in their heads.   They still think some magic words or behaviors will turn on a woman sexually.   Here’s a reality. The men who get the most panties thrown at them are not the brightest as group.   I thought so at one time because of a personal bias but if I’m being honest the men who get the most women are not that bright at least not in a left-brain logical way.   There are exceptions like in everything else.   The women are responding to the man’s body.   Just like a man wants to suck those breasts and grab that ass, a woman wants to lick that chest and grab that ass too. Ask me how I know. Women as a group are DRAWN to a certain body type, which tends to be mesomorphic or very close to it. The affect is literally magnetic to women. Men who are not close to that ideal need to be extremely handsome AND tall. For any man not at those ideals women will be a struggle and are doing well to simply get a cooperative girlfriend.   One thing Goodbar doesn’t do is overthink situations with women.   Women really aren’t that deep.

            There is so much I can say.   For anyone trying to get into Goodbar Land hit the gym.   If you’re skinny add some bulk.   If you’re overweight lose some weight.   Even after you do all that learn to think differently.   I know many men want to take workshops and read books on women.   Many men will listen to other clueless men.   Ultimately every man needs to cultivate his intuition and common sense.   Follow those gut feelings.   There has been many beautiful woman I passed over because my gut feeling screamed, “Oh hell no!”   I have no regrets.   I always found out something negative about the woman later on.   Use some common sense.   Dealing with women in a cookie cutter manner is stupid. Each woman no matter how similar she is to other women is still an individual.   You gotta read that woman.   You can’t follow a script.   If you are having trouble with women it’s not the women. It’s you. You need to change your thinking because apparently it’s not working.

            One final thing.   The man who just read this needs to ask himself some basic questions.   Does he want to live in a world where he has to remember lines, spend money, and chase women who may end up friend zoning him?   Does he want to live in a world where women show up to his door wearing nothing but a trench coat and heels?

            Think on this.

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Raw Brotha Replay: The True Player's Secret

5/10/2015

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       The following blog was published a year ago.   It was good piece with a lot of raw game in it.   I was going to write something new this week but I'm working on a major book project that many of my readers have been demanding. Stay tuned.   Enjoy and think on the following.

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            One of the greatest mysteries of life is why a small group of men seem to have sex with a multitude of women while a large percentage of men struggle to get a simple hello from the same women. This issue is addressed from many different angles notably dating coaches.   Doesn’t work too well for most men though. Many quite frankly have been scammed out of thousands of dollars and in many cases have a worse time relating to women.   The reason is that most men have the wrong perspective. There is the belief that women are not as interested in sex as men.   This is a universal false belief.   Women want sex as much as and in many cases more than men.    Let me give my view on things.

            All people have two faces. They have a social face and a sexual face.   The social face of a person is what the public sees. When I say public I include friends and family.   This is the outer person that works, goes to church, shops for groceries, and appears to be a stable member of society.   The sexual face is the person in the bedroom who engages in threesomes and alternative sexual practices.   The point is that the sexual face may be different or even contradictory to the social face.   Now here’s the interesting thing.   For many men their social face and their sexual face are nearly the same.   There is no real stigma for men to express their sexuality.   It’s even encouraged in certain venues such as the sports fields and construction sites.   Not so with women.   Most women only show subtle hints of their sexual face and in many cases are shamed by men for even showing that little bit.   As a result the average man confuses a woman’s social face for her sexual face.

            When most men approach women they try to appeal to her social face thinking it will trigger sexual attraction.   The average man will try to show that he is SOCIALLY dominant by talking about his status, or using pickup lines, or appealing to her logically or emotionally.   The bottom line is that he is trying to TALK her into finding him attractive which is really just appealing to her social face.   Depending on the man this may work if he is able to fulfill the woman’s social needs. She may want to enhance her social face by being in a relationship with a man that looks good to the public.   Thus many men think that they can get a woman with a good conversation, a mouthpiece as the Macks would say, or routines as the Pickup Artists (PUA) use for seduction.   Most men, however, fail to get women through talking. Most make the mistake of thinking that they can talk a woman into giving them sex.

            My homie Roger, the star of the “Do The Work” blog entry had this say via text:

            “Man a lot of dudes esp. PUA’s approach women like it’s sales.   Overcoming objections with words. Engaging a woman’s mind is useless. Even if she gives you the pussy it won’t be good cause she’s battling in her head.”

            What Roger is saying is that though a woman may be socially attracted to a man she may not be sexually attracted.   Now Roger has read my books, Nice Guys and Players and Sexual Chemistry and has had the benefit of talking with me for years.   He understands the concept of a woman’s social face being different from her sexual face.   A man cannot appeal to a woman’s sexual face through logic and contrary to popular opinion through emotions.   A woman’s sexual face is dominated by her vagina. A woman’s vagina makes her sexual decisions for her and is RATIONALIZED by her logic, emotions, and other SOCIAL considerations.

            Consider the following scenario starring Dexter Goodbar.   The title of this scenario is, “So Who’s Your Friend?”

*************

            Dexter Goodbar went to a private party at a hotel with some friends of his, John, Rob, and Frank.   Rob called the party a “Beautiful People Party.” The attendees were primarily young, professional African-American men and women. Most of the men were dressed up in suits with fresh haircuts and confident demeanors.   They gave off “Alpha Male” vibes.   The women were dressed in sexy dresses and looking like they were fashion models.   Dexter Goodbar was dressed in a simple shirt and slacks and quite frankly needed a shape up.   All eyes were on the fellas as they walked into the party.   John, Rob, and Frank immediately picked out women to strike up conversations with. Dexter headed over to the buffet table, got some buffalo wings and found a table in the corner to sit down and eat.

            John approached a petite young lady who introduced herself as Pamela. They talked for a bit about their jobs and the vibe of the party.

            “I’ve been having a good time so far,” Pamela smiled.

            John looked Pamela up and down, “You look like you’re having a good time. I’m enjoying the party already.”

            “I saw you walk in with a group of brothas.   Y’all turned a lot of heads.”

            “Yeah we’re looking good,” John said smugly thinking that Pamela was feeling him.

            Pamela looked toward the corner where Dexter was sitting and asked John. “So who’s your friend?”

********

            Rob was on the floor dancing with Barbara.   Barbara was a curvy sista with big breasts, small waist, and big booty and legs.   Rob focused intently on Barbara as they danced. Barbara however seemed to be constantly looking past Rob.   After the song finished they walked off the floor. Rob told her about his job, his future plans, his education, and the home he just bought.   Barbara responded politely but didn’t say much letting Rob talk.   Rob finished talking about himself and asked Barbara about her goals and ambitions.

            “Nothing special. Just getting my masters,” Barbara responded.   “That guy you walked in with. What’s his name?”

            “Which guy?” Rob asked, slightly annoyed, thinking she was talking about John or Frank.

            “That one over there in the corner eating the chicken wings.” Barbara pointed to Dexter.   “So who’s your friend?”

********

            Frank chatted up Alicia, a slim sista with a pretty face, while they were in line getting some food.   The conversation was going well in Frank’s eyes. She seemed like she was interested.   They got their food and looked around for a place to sit.   Every table had a group of people except for Dexter’s table where he was by himself.   Alicia started walking towards the table without saying anything to Frank. Frank caught up with her.

            “So you want to sit over here in the corner?” Frank asked.

            “Yeah, I don’t think he will mind,” Alicia answered as they walked towards the table.

            “He shouldn’t. I know the brotha,” Frank said reluctantly.

            “Really? So who’s your friend?” Alicia asked a little too cheerfully as her pace quickened.

*********

            Dexter didn’t get invited to anymore parties with the fellas.

            This scenario illustrates a very important point. John, Rob, and Frank were SOCIAL alpha males.   They were young, in shape, dressed sharply, and very confident. These traits appeal to women socially. The women in the scenario were turned on by Dexter sexually. Dexter appealed to their SEXUAL faces.

            The true player’s “game” is very simple.   He pays attention to the women around him and looks for clues that a particular woman is turned on sexually by him.   Few people have an understanding of how the true player operates.   They will see the true player talking to a woman and will see that she is definitely interested in seeing him naked. They will observe his behavior and then try to mimic his actions.   For example some guys at a bar may see a true player rub a woman’s wrist while talking with her.   The woman is responding visibly. The guys will then try the same thing on different women and fail miserably.   See the true player didn’t turn on the woman by rubbing her wrist.   She was turned on sexually when she first laid eyes on him.

            One of, if not, the biggest myths about women is that they are not turned on visually by a man.   Popular belief suggests that women are turned on by a man’s intelligence, resources, and how he makes them feel emotionally.   These attributes appeal to a woman’s SOCIAL face.   The woman’s SEXUAL face doesn’t care about all of that.   The woman’s sexual face is LOOKING for a man to make her vagina tingle.   When a woman sees a man she considers sexually appealing not only does her pupils dilate but her cervix as well.   A woman can literally have an orgasm just by looking at a man.   Sometimes a man with an intense stare can look a woman in her eyes and make her moan. Ask me how I know.

            The woman’s sexual face doesn’t want the man’s car, house, job, or status.   The woman’s sexual face wants the man’s body to fuck the shit out of her.   The sexual face wants that raw, primal, scream at the top of the lungs, lose consciousness, speak in tongues, levitate off the bed type of fucking.   Not make love with rose petals and soft music playing in the background. That’s more of a social thing.    That primal thing is a physical thing. It doesn’t speak and quite frankly because of the suppression of female sexuality in most cultures, the average woman isn’t aware of her sexual face.   They think their social face represents their sexual nature.

            Until they run into somebody like Dexter Goodbar.

            That’s why you will have a woman who is in a happy stable marriage in an upper middle class neighborhood all of a sudden run off to live with a man in a seedy neighborhood in an abandoned home.   That man appealed to the woman’s sexual face.

            Now two types of men generally appeal to a woman’s sexual face.   All women have individual preferences but if a man has one of two things going for him he will generally have more women than he knows what to do with.   The first thing is a good body.   People like to say that biggest sex organ is the brain meaning that imagination and creativity make sex enjoyable. That’s a social thing with people who are sexually repressed.   Sex is a physical thing. A man can have rose petals, music, chocolate, give massages, and even eat the pussy.   For the actual act of intercourse the woman has to be physically be comfortable with the idea of this man on top of her, under her, and behind her.   She has to physically want to have sex with the man.   This is more about the body than the face.   Many otherwise handsome men have trouble getting women unless they have money and status as well.

            Now the type of body depends on a woman’s preference.   In general women are turned on by muscular bodies.   A man who builds his muscles will always improve his chances to women.   Now some men aren’t as muscular but they have a body type that turns on a particular woman.   I have a friend I’ll call Sabrina. Now Sabrina is a big girl about five-nine, size 16 but shapely.   She doesn’t have a fat stomach. Her man, Donny, is six-seven over three hundred fifty solid pounds. Sabrina and I were talking one day and I said, “Yeah you got that big, hominy grit eating muthafucka because you need somebody who can flip your phat ass over in bed.” Sabrina busted out laughing and gave me a high five.   All women have a physical body type that get them open sexually.   The only real issue is that that the man who is sexually appealing to a woman is rarely the man who is socially appealing.

            Think on this one.

            Now there are a minority of men who turn women on sexually but not because they have great bodies.   These men are extremely rare.   Women don’t get turned on by the bodies on these men. These men get sex because for whatever reason they can appeal to a woman’s sexual face. These men have sexual charisma.   I’ll use myself as an example. I worked in an office job back in the day. I had that Clark Kent thing going. I wore big glasses and plain clothes to work.   I had a co-worker I’ll call Lauren.   Now Lauren was a self-professed gold-digger.   The type that was known by the pro athletes in DC. Now I had a good body build but not like a pro-athlete and I certainly didn’t have their money.   It got back to me that Lauren said this about me, “Rom looks like a nerd but I betcha he can fuck.”   Many women will look at an otherwise plain man and get turned on.

            The true player has mastered the art of paying attention to a woman.   The true player rarely does a cold approach on a woman.   He looks for signs that she is sexually interested.   One thing I have always done is pay attention to how a woman looks at me.   There is a look that I can’t describe, or teach men to look for, when women is turned on by a man.   A man has to experience this look for himself.   This look may last only a second but a woman shows her sexual face in that second. The true player recognizes the look and acts accordingly if he finds her attractive as well.

            Many men call themselves players and use status, money, and good conversation to get women.   They think it works.   Really it’s irrelevant. Women make a decision when they first lay eyes on a man as to whether he is potentially a sex partner. At this point a man can only blow his chances.   Many men blow it by talking too damn much.   Many men focus on developing the wrong things to attract women.   Any man who wants more women needs to focus on building their body and their sexual charisma. Everything else is just extra.

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