The following is a piece that was written for my unpublished book, "Being Mr. Goodbar." It was written by a gentleman who I would say has some notoriety. He been on TV more than a few times over the years. Women certainly found him easy on the eyes. When he graciously wrote the excerpt for me he simply signed it "Anonymous." What he had to say was very thought provoking. Check it out and tell me what you think.
Being the sexual center of attraction for women can have its obvious advantages and cruel pitfalls. You go through a number of psychological and social changes that are difficult to understand, even after so many years of being use to it.
For one, you always have to approach such situations with a certain level of humility - an appreciation for being blessed with enough good looks to draw the women that appeal to you. Humility is key. Humility also gives you a more candid outlook on the universal balance of life, love, sex and relationships. You tend to look at these matters with a very spiritually inspired "third-eye," if that makes sense. Essentially, the moment ego steps in and dominates the situation, you're screwed. You've defied every reason for your being and why God put you here. Because I feel a lot of this is by some bizarre design I have absolutely no control over, so I just have to vibe with it and take it as it comes.
It also takes an open mind. Be open to the world and all it has to offer. Don't limit your social or sexual perspective. Be willing and able to listen.
See - it's not really a situation where a man like myself can pick whatever woman he wants. Really, men don't pick women - it's the other way around. Yet, the man has to maintain a level of calm, self-assuredness and overall confidence. I tell younger brothers who are coming up and have questions about relationships that they should take their time. I watch brothers nowadays and they play themselves by approaching women in such a desperate manner and tone. Yelling across the street and shit; walking past a woman and grabbing her arm when she gave no indication that it got physical yet; or that stupid, one-liner bullshit made for club pick-ups. Most women, on the real, despise that shit. The women who do tolerate it are the type you want to stay away from. They are perpetually insecure and have numerous issues. You don't want to mess with a woman who wants to be treated like a dude.
Don't go out looking for or chasing women. Let it happen naturally. The most intense, most fulfilling relationships are the ones you never expected nor planned. It just happened. You meet the most beautiful, most compelling women on a subway, an elevator, a bookstore or a coffeehouse. It's when you least expect it. And you meet them when it just happens; I can't define what that situation is or will be. You define it when it occurs. As men, we have to realize that there is a certain type of woman out there to get matched with every man. All this shit is by design and pre-destination. When you force it, all you do is throw the karma out of whack. You mess yourself up without realizing it. That recent movie "Shallow Hal" was a perfect example of this. This pudgy, desperate and self-absorbed club-jumper would dance with every fine woman on the dance floor and would get rejected all the time. He didn't understand it. He just couldn't see it. But, in the end, once he did figure it out, he ended up with someone who complimented him. She may not have attracted a certain segment of the male population, but she certainly was the best thing that ever happened to him. Which is why I truly appreciated the message relayed in that flick. It spoke volumes of truth.
Relax - don't let the vagina get you all tripped up and out of character. It's hard, I know, but it's necessary. When I was a teenager, I used to occasionally hang out with some friends who loved going to the local mall and getting phone numbers from the girls. They would keep tally and score - no plans to call these girls, mind you, but it was like a horse race to see who gathered the most "digits." I would stand back and just watch, never getting involved because that wasn't my game. I didn't have a game - I hated playing games. "Getting digits" as it was called was the most stupid-ass game ever devised by desperate cats calling themselves "pimps" or "players". 9 times out of 10, the girls would always end up looking in the back of the group, pointing at me and asking: "Who's your friend?" And I didn't intend for that to happen. But, it made me realize that most women hate fucking games when it comes to men. They are actually very simple to approach and its not rocket science to please them - they have enough to deal with when considering all the pettiness amongst themselves. So why deal with that shit from men? Men are men; and petty, game-playing men are like women. I don't have to tell you that these cats stopped inviting me on their outings.
And that's where we get into the importance of being a gentleman. Believe it or not, old-fashioned concepts of chivalry & etiquette are the most proven form of productive interaction between men and women. It's considerate, gentle and kind. It separates the boys from the real men. Many of these cats today can't or refuse to recognize the significance of this. The laws of the universe dictate that the female expects and deserves gentle treatment, even during times of conflict. That's lacking in today's society. Which is why most women that I'll hold the door open for will suddenly get weak in the knees and feel as though its love at first sight. Or, they think that I'm trying to make a move on them. But, I'm not doing either. I'm simply fulfilling my obligation to the laws of the universe and how God intended. Being a gentleman is a natural component of the male personality. It is a discipline that should be taught from pre-school.
See, there is this fucked-up perception that being a gentleman is being weak. But, let me school you for a moment. Some of the hardest, most lethal, most effective warriors in history were the most romantic and passionate men to ever walk the face of the Earth. The famous WWII General Patton wrote eloquent poetry while he was crushing Hitler's Nazis. Samurais in Japan were more recognized for their etiquette than they were for swordsmanship.
Too many boys - particularly Black boys - aren't being raised in that discipline. They are, instead, spoiled and served. I see too many situations where mothers think it's cute that their 6 year-old boys is knocking the shit out of his little sister or female playmate over a damn toy. They think that shit is cute - let's see what they say when that boy grows up into a man and is in jail or before a judge on domestic abuse charges. Or, say, when a smart woman wises up and shoots his ass in self-defense after he just beat the hell out of her.
And then you have these boys being raised into women. That's some sick, universally destructive non-sense. Suddenly, you've got an entire population of young men who hate women because they want to take their place.
This is all to say that there is a very special balance between the feminine and the masculine that we must preserve at all times. We have to respect it if we are to survive as a community and a human race. It's that simple. And that must dictate our interactions with women and how we treat them.