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The Female GazeĀ 

4/26/2015

5 Comments

 

            The video above fits in perfectly with the theme of today’s blog.   I’m sure people think that “Chocolate City” is a rip-off of “Magic Mike.”   Whatever. I’ve known Black male strippers going back to the nineties.   One woman even offered me money to dance at a friend’s birthday.   The conversation went something like this:

            Woman:  I would love for you to come dance at my friend’s birthday party.

            Rom:  I’m not a stripper though.   I don’t have any rhythm.  I don’t think I’ll be very entertaining.

            The woman looked me up and down while licking her lips. 

            Woman:  You got pretty eyes and you’re muscular.  I don’t think they’re going to care if you’re on beat.

            I’ve had some interesting life experiences.

            The past week I’ve been seeing many signs of how women feel about a man’s physical appearance.   I was in a department store at a local mall the other day.   Now, I’m one of those people that knows everybody particularly the ladies.   Grocery store, “Hey Rom.”  Comic book store, “Hey Rom.”  Mall kiosk, “Hey Rom.”  Amish farmers market, “Hey Rom.”   Of course that last one is said with a Pennsylvania Dutch accent.  Anyway I was at the department store and all my young female sales associate friends were going crazy over this one customer.   They dude had a swimmers build, with sleeve tattoos and a full well-groomed beard.    He was dressed real well.   These young girls look like they had several orgasms just from seeing the man.  I asked one young girl where she would rate the man on a scale from 1 to 10.   She thought about it, looked up at me with a giddy expression on her face, and said, “9.9.”

            Okay then.

            Many men want to believe a man’s physical appearance doesn’t turn on women sexually the same way that a woman’s physical appearance turns them on.   Many women even try to promote this idea.   Bullshit.   Women are probably worse in this regard.   A man will still deal with a less than attractive woman if she is easy enough.   That’s why many men will go for ugly, overweight women.  They believe it will be easier to have sex with the woman.  Women are not that way.   The reason why so many women are single is that they are not physically attracted to the men they see every day.   Instead of women saying there is a shortage of “good men,” women would be more truthful in saying that there is a shortage of “good looking men.”  

            Think about it like this.   A popular saying is that all the “good men are either married, in jail, or gay.”   If good means “good for women” as in moral character and most importantly being interested in women, how are men in jail or gay, “good?”    Think about it now.   One thing that men in jail and many who are gay have in common is that they hit the gym.   A professional bodybuilder broke it down perfectly for me.  He said that women flock to the jails because many of those men have nothing else to do but lift weights.   I’ve heard women use the term “Prison Body” when describing a man’s body.

            Let me be clear before I go further.  When I say “physical appearance” I don’t mean just a man’s facial features.   When many people talk about looks they are only referring to a person’s face.   There is a subculture of men on the internet who feel like if they get plastic surgery they will also get attention from beautiful women.   Sorry Charlie.   Many Nice Guys actually have good bone structures.   I knew this dude who had the square jaw of a movie star.   He was also a total nerd who dressed poorly and was built like a man who didn’t quite reach puberty.  Physical appearance is the total package.   I’ll get more into that later.   We need to look at the factors of how things got to the point where someone like me could get offered money to dance at a party.

            Women being turned on by a man’s physical appearance is nothing new.   It’s been that way as long as there has been a human race.   As a result women gravitated to the most physical appealing men.  Research has shown that all the people alive today are descended from a relatively small percentage of men.   For reference sake I let’s use the term Genetic Alpha Males.   The Genetic Alpha Males were the healthiest, most fit looking men.  It had nothing to do with behavior.  It didn’t then and it doesn’t now.   All these female teachers sleeping with their male students aren’t sleeping with them because the boys are take charge types.   They are sleeping with them because they have tight bodies.   The teachers always seem to pick the jocks and not the school nerds or fat kids.

            What happened in history though is that in different cultures the Genetic Beta Males observed what was going on and realized they needed to change some things if they were going to pass their genes into the future or at least get steady sex.  Gradually, cultural paradigms began to develop which would cause women to be able to spread the wealth so to speak.   One cultural paradigm is religion.   Many religions work in some way to control a woman’s natural sexual urges.   Another cultural paradigm is the idea that women are more naturally monogamous.  Yeah right.  One cultural paradigm that developed was having women dependent on men for economic security.   The paradigm that evolved was that women would trade their physical beauty for economic security from the man most willing to provide for them.   So instead of women going for the man who was most physically appealing they went for the man with the most money.   Now as society became more industrialized the man who had the most money may have been the Genetic Beta Male.   This state of affairs became so ingrained in the culture that people think it is a genetic feature in humanity.  Naw, it’s a learned behavior that might have stayed intact if not for a major paradigm shift that happened in the last forty years in Western culture.

            Feminism.

            In terms of relationships feminism's greatest impact was to free women in general from being economically dependent on men.   Women can CHOOSE to have a man provide for them but they don’t NEED a man to provide for them.   This is a very major paradigm shift.   The main game for men collectively in the last few thousand years had never been to simply look good.   The main game has never been to appeal to women using romantic gestures.   The main game was always to have a willingness to be a provider.      Unless a man is a multi-millionaire, the size of a man’s wallet doesn’t matter the way it once did to women.   Women these days got well-paying jobs, they have nice size houses, big cars, and nice retirement plans.   They don’t NEED money from a man.   Women can survive economically on their own.   The trump card of millions of men has been taken away.  

            There’s a subculture of men on the internet who are involuntarily celibate or as they known, Incels.   Most of these men self-describe themselves as physically unattractive.   There is however another group of men who I would consider involuntarily celibate.   These are regular men with good paying jobs who are still single.   They don’t have movie star facial features and are not built like male strippers.   Many just work and go home.   Many engage in sex tourism.

            What Feminism has done has freed the female gaze.   Before a woman could see a good looking man, maybe even have sex with him on rare occasions.   Long term though she had to think in terms of whether the man had a good job and would do the right with her.   Not anymore.   Women are free to have sex with whoever they want.   If a woman sees a handsome, well-built man she can have sex with him to her heart’s delight.   There are several forms of protection, and if she gets pregnant many women have the means to take care of a child by themselves.   Even a poor woman can get state assistance.   Many women use the child support system to get money for their children without the burden of having to marry the man.   The bottom line in all this is that women are free to pursue a man based on nothing else but his physical appearance.

            Now there are some women who will disagree with what I just wrote.  They will say that they care about his personality and income potential.   They want him to have plans.   Two things.  One, in the Select/Non-Select paradigm that exists in the relationship culture the men who are solidly in the select group are there because of their physical appearance.  Money and personality are secondary concerns.   There are plenty of men in the non-select group who have money and great personalities.   They also have a regular physical appearance.    I’ve done a lot of workshops and seminars.   One game I played in my head at these events was called, “Spot the Goodbar.”   As I would be talking or sitting on a panel I would look around the room and pick out the men I believed were seen by women as Mr. Goodbar.   After the workshops I would approach the men and ask, “So how the ladies treating you?”   I could tell from a man’s response whether women saw him as Select or Non-Select.   My accuracy rate was 100 percent as far as picking out Goodbars.   I could tell by the man’s body build and also how he dressed.   I could also tell by how many women would be checking him out.   On many occasions women would approach me and ask, “So who’s your friend?”

            The second thing is that many women act like they don’t care about a man’s physical appearance because they don’t want a man to judge them on their physical appearance.    Many women publically will say that, “all women are beautiful.”   Privately they are quick to call a woman ugly.  Also many women deep down don’t see themselves as attractive.   Just like there are Select and Non-Select men, there are Select and Non-Select women.    Men are straight up about going for physically attractive women.   Quite unapologetic about it.   The Select women are the ones with the pretty faces and shapely bodies.  In general, personality is a secondary concern.   The Non-Select women are the Plain Janes and ugly women otherwise known as Coyotes.   Many women work to get men to see past a woman’s unattractiveness.   It’s tough to do if women admitted that a man needs to be physically attractive.  Now certain classes of beautiful women have no problem saying a man needs to be “fine.”   Unattractive women saying the same thing get clowned.   They do, however, say it privately.  Plus I have known several good-looking men who like to go Coyote hunting.   Think real hard on the following statement.

            If a man’s physical appearance didn’t matter why are there several gainfully employed, good character having, drug and disease free, child-free, home-owning men who are not only single but are involuntarily celibate?

            Women have always been honest about their true feelings with me.   I have had women tell me straight up the only reason they have rejected a particular man was that he was ugly.   I can think of only ONE time when a woman said she rejected a man because of his CHARACTER.  Out of conversations with THOUSANDS of women, ONE time?  Now in public these same women will pull reasons for rejecting a man out of the air, talking about the man’s political leanings, his job status, and even his shoes.  

            At the same time I’ve had women tell me the reasons they slept with a particular man.   It had nothing to do with character.   I’ve had several women tell me they sucked a man’s dick for no other reason than they liked his eyes.   Other women have told me they liked a man because of his hair.   I’ve known church girls who have slept with men because they were pretty boys.  I have NEVER had a woman tell me she slept with a man because he was a mentor to neighborhood boys and that he was active in his church.   I NEVER had a woman tell me she slept with a woman because of his CHARACTER.   Indeed many women complain when the muscle man they just rode for an hour has a jacked up personality.

            Don’t get me started.

            So I know the Average Joe watched the video at the beginning of the blog and read everything and is feeling depressed.   They are feeling like they lost the genetic lottery.   Here’s the thing about physically attractive men.  Most didn’t start off that way.   Very, very few men are physically attractive from birth.   Very, very few women are physically attractive from birth.   In my personal opinion people who are physically beautiful based on pure genetics are as rare as true redheads.   If one were to see the high school pictures of most male actors who are sex symbols they would see some dorks.   People who are physically attractive have to work.   When I go to my gym, I see beautiful young women who spend two to three hours working out.  They will run, lift weights and do squats to get their bodies right.   I know one very beautiful young lady who looks like a 5’9” real life Barbie.   She also played basketball, volleyball, and ran track in high school.   Indeed here’s a little “game” for the fellas.  When you meet a woman in great shape ask her if she played organized sports.   95 percent of the time she will answer yes and smile because you just validated her.   You now have a conversation opener.   Bottom line is that beautiful people do the work.

            Now I want to end this blog with two men I know/known who are/were considered physically attractive to women.   One I will call Zac because he looks like Zac Efron.   Now Zac is trying to break into the modeling field.   Not only does he facially look like Zac Efron but he lifts weights like crazy.   In addition when I see him at the mall where he works he is always in a nice suit and wears good shoes.  His haircut and beard are always well groomed and he wears studs that compliment his overall look.   Plus he has some tattoos.   This is the after picture.   When he was high school he looked like a total dork.   He had a plain haircut, no muscles, and a goofy smile.   What he did was build himself up.   He went from getting no play from girls to having girls approach him.  Very beautiful girls.   He did the work.

            The second man who had the women going crazy was a man I’ll call Jay.   From what women told me he had an average face.   He wasn’t muscular but he wasn’t fat either.   He stayed in good shape.   Jay was considered attractive because of his grooming and his fashion game.   He always had a fresh haircut and always kept his face shaved.   Jay was stylish even in casual clothes.   I played basketball with him and even playing in pickup games his shirt, shorts, socks, and shoes were coordinated.    Jay was one of those cats who wouldn’t go to the grocery store without making sure his shirt was ironed, pants creased, shoes shined, and cologne just right.   That was an art.  

              One thing with women is that they look at the whole package.   If a man is average looking but makes an effort with his grooming and fashion women appreciate that.   A woman will suck a dick off a man’s shoes.   Women are more pragmatic than men give them credit for.   They know every man isn’t 6’2” with washboard abs, powerful legs and piercing eyes.   If man looks like he works at his physical presentation, many beautiful women will think, “I think I can work with him.”

         The main thing men have to realize is that the physical appearance matters and not just as a secondary concern.   When women meet a man they evaluate him within a few seconds and place him into the select or non-select category.   It's just how it is.   A man needs to be on point visually if he is serious about getting women.   Men have to face the reality that as a culture we’re not going back to the days when a man simply had to be a good provider.   As men we are being forced to evolve.

                 Think on this.


5 Comments

Different Worlds of Men

3/1/2015

1 Comment

 
            I lurk on a lot of websites, blogs, and pages on social media.   I like being a fly on the wall just to see what people think about different things.   As someone who studies subcultures I find the worldviews expressed in these different communities to be very fascinating.  Yes I call them communities because even how people interact in the comments section of popular blogs is the same way that people interact in the real world.   You have your dominant persons and you have your followers.   Even within the virtual communities there are cliques.    I’m not going to get to deep into the workings of virtual subcultures.   Well maybe in another blog when I need something to write about.  This particular blog I want to write about the different worlds of men.

            A foundation of my relationship books is the different categories of men.   What is interesting about these different categories is that they represent actual personality structures that have developed in this culture.   The development is the combination of nature and nurture.   Most men in the Mr. Goodbar category have good genetics.   Most have symmetrical and muscular body builds which naturally arouse women.   Women will naturally choose them.   Whether or not they take advantage of the good genetics is a matter of nurture.   A boy with good genetics growing up in a low income, crime ridden neighborhood is likely to grow up to be Mr. Goodbar.  A boy with the same good genetics who grows up in an upper class gated community is likely to be a Masked Man.   

            That’s some raw game there that I don’t give away for free.   The member’s only site is coming soon.

            Getting back to the different websites I lurk on I have found some rather interesting dynamics with regard to men in particular.   I check out some women’s web spots as well when I can find them.   Women as a group tend to keep their real juicy conversations away from prying eyes.   Women are real good at hiding their sexual faces despite what many men think.   How to read those sexual faces will be something else for the member’s only site.    Men though, we put it out there.   Most men tell everything whether it’s true or not.   I find the different worlds of men to be interesting in regard to how they interact with women.    I’ll share examples of some of these worlds.   I won’t give websites because none of these dudes are paying me to advertise for them.   I’ll use colorful nicknames.

            There one site I lurk on I’ll call “Incel World.”   Incel refers to “involuntarily celibacy.”   These are men who go long periods of time without sex.   From how they describe themselves they are not the most handsome or muscular men.    A belief in this community is that only the most handsome and robust men who they refer to as “slayers” get the lion’s share of sex from attractive women.   I emphasize attractive women because many Incels are only attracted to the most physically beautiful women and they have little to no interest in the average and ugly women who are more in their league.   These men spend an inordinate amount of time judging each other’s looks as well as the looks of “male models.”   This community is based on the primacy of looks, status, and money.   Intangibles such as personality and charisma are outside of belief system of this community.  

            Another site I check out every now and then is what I call “Scuzzy Playa World.”   This community is about that game.   These are lower end Gamesmen.   These men are about getting the pussy by any means necessary.   It doesn’t really matter the quality of women either.   The men in this community idolize attractive women like most normal men but are not above sex with any female with a pulse. From how these men talk I really don’t think most of them would pass up a drunk, average looking, overweight young woman who was on the autism spectrum.   Most people have met that one man who will stick his dick in anything female.   The “Scuzzy Playa World” is a whole community of such men.

            Several websites make up what I call the “Bitter Man Nation.”    These websites, blogs, and pages on social media are filled with men who spend their time bashing women.   These are typically men who are in the Nice Guy category who have started to act out after being constantly rejected not only by attractive women but average ones as well.    These men didn’t start off bashing women.   Indeed as a group these men at one time put women on pedestals.  That is until they’ve been friendzoned for the umpteenth time.  Another scenario is when they find out their prudish girlfriend who is making them wait for sex is doing the freaky-freaky with the local meth dealer.  At some point they snap.   Constant rejection can literally kill somebody.  Most male suicide is because of rejection.   The bitter men instead of slowly killing themselves have decided to strike back viciously.  

            One website I check out I’ll call the “Better Man World.”   These men as a group are generally positive towards women.   In this community these men are dedicated to improving themselves not just for women but for themselves in general.   The men in this community are likely to talk about business and making money as they are about women.  They recognize that everything is connected.   These are not men who were blessed with great genetics.  These are average dudes who know they need to improve their bodies, work on their social skills, and make more money.    A key word used in this community is “upgrade.”   As far as women they idolize the most attractive women but also look for women who have “their minds right.”   Men in this community will skip over a woman with the pretty face and phat booty if she brings nothing else to the table.  

            Now one community I’ll call “Poly World.”   This community is UNDERGROUND.  A search engine will not find this community.  A man has to be INVITED to be a part of this community.   The men in this community go beyond what is taught publically as game, dating advice, or seduction.   The conversations in this community isn’t about dressing well, working out, or what type of game to run to get a woman.   The men in this community are typically involved in relationships with three or more women at any given moment.   The conversations in this community focus on how to manage multiple women.   The typical complaint in this community is having too many women and dealing with the drama that brings.   

            Here’s the interesting thing about all of this.   The men from these different worlds RARELY interact with each other socially.   There are invisible boundaries that separate these worlds.  It is in a man’s true nature to set up boundaries.   These boundaries range from the personal space of a man to being the citizen of a particular country.   When men join with other men they set up a boundary.   Boys who live on a particular street will set up a boundary based on that location.   They will have loyalty to the boys on that street and see others as outsiders.   Street gangs are nothing but boundaries.   Many boundaries are set up around religious and political themes.   The Samurai were a boundary as were the Nazis as well as ISIS.   The boundaries of the communities I just outlined are set up around having the same mindset about relationships with women.   

            Boundaries like everything in life have good and bad sides depending on the perspective of the men.   A boundary can be good if it promotes personal evolution.   At the same time it can be bad if it prevents a man from learning something new.   Using the above examples I provided the boundaries are preventing many men from growing.   A great example is the Incel World and the Poly World.  One group of men has trouble getting any woman while the other group has to limit the number of women they are willing to deal with.   The Incels could learn a lot from the Polys but the boundaries would prevent this.  One issue is just the perspective.   It’s hard for two people with two different perspectives to communicate.  Two, race would be a boundary since the Incel World is primarily white, and the Poly World is primarily Black.   Yet there is something in the Incel perspective that is valuable because looks are a factor in mating decisions.  The Poly perspective is valuable for the most part these are average looking men.   Yet that conversation isn’t happening.

            The Bitter Men could learn a lot from the Better Men.   The Better Men have been rejected but instead of becoming mad they were inspired to improve which helps them in life period.   Better Men can learn from Bitter Men because Bitter Men do have a tendency to call out negative behavior in women.   Yet the boundaries are in place.   The groups are not interacting.

            One good thing about scuzzy playas is that they are realistic and pragmatic.  Many men have problems with women because they are looking for the perfect Tens.   Women who would be rated a Ten without the help of makeup, body shaping clothes, and someone good with Photoshop are rare.   The average woman in Western society is short and slightly overweight.  Most women are average looking.   Yet they are still very good women who have a lot to offer a man.   With the right makeup and clothes many of these women are very attractive.   Many men lose out on these women.  The scuzzy playa will talk to that woman even if she is wearing sweats.   The scuzzy playa has a lot to teach.  

            The takeaway I want a man to get from this blog is to go outside your boundaries or better yet expand them.   Any man can have several boundaries.   “Circles within a circle.”   To navigate life a man needs to have knowledge.  As a former pimp once said to me a man had to be in the streets.  What he meant was that a man needs to know what’s going on in the world.   Most men don’t grow because they stay in their little worlds.   Personally I know a lot about different things because I’m always exploring to gain knowledge.   Knowledge brings me power to move through life with authority.  

            Fellas, go visit some new worlds.

1 Comment

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