Rom Wills, Author
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A Player's Eyes Sizzle Reel

10/25/2015

15 Comments

 
     ​ The following are excerpts from my upcoming book, "A Player's Eyes - One Man's View of Sexual Relationships."   The book will be available for purchase in November.   

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            For many I’m the villain of the story.   Jealous men and jilted women have thrown shade my way over the years.   The men mad that the women they sweated, wined, dined, and chased for years showed me love when all I did was say hi and maybe held the door for them.   Jilted women mad at me because despite their seductive best I wasn’t feeling their flavor.   Hey a brotha got standards.   Whatever.   I never worried about these folks though.  As long as they didn’t have a gun in their hands (and I’ve had guns in my face) I wasn’t worried.   It’s all part of the game of life.   I’ve lost women I’ve wanted to other men and I’ve been rejected.   It is what it is.  
 
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               In the popular culture and indeed in conventional beliefs there is the notion that looks don’t matter to women as much as they do with men.   Even when women do say that looks matter they will put it low on the list of priorities of what they want in a man.   I’m throwing a flag on that.  Fifteen yard penalty for unsportsmanlike bullshit.    The reality is that not only do looks matter but they matter more to women than they do to men.   This is especially true in sexual matters.   When women look for long term partners such as boyfriends and husbands they will look at personality compatibility, social class, money, religious affiliation, political views, education level, and even something as trivial as music tastes.   The trick though is that they look for these things in men they find PHYSICALLY attractive.   When women say that there is a shortage of “good men” what they really mean is that there is a shortage of “good LOOKING men.”  
 
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                The dating scene is different for a Goodbar.   He doesn’t have to approach several women on the street hoping that one will not only stop and talk but also give him the correct number and return the text within an hour.   Usually women are either making it extremely easy for Goodbar to approach them or they simply take the initiative and find an excuse to approach Goodbar.  
 
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                Game as it is generally shared in the public sphere doesn’t work on women.   Men think it works on women but on the for real for real, women just let men think it works.   When a man approaches a woman, she has already decided what she’s going to do with him.   If she wants to have sex with him she has already decided to do so.   Now if he wants to throw some corny lines at her, make a production of getting her phone number, take her on an expensive date, and let him think he convinced her to take her panties down, far be it for her to spoil his illusion.   She’ll let him think he has control when in reality she’s been in total control the whole time.
 
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               The reason women get played is not because they lack common sense, love thugs, or have a sign on their foreheads that says, “Victim.”  The reason women get played is because of their egos.  
 
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              The Sexual Shadow World (Shadow World) is not a place.  It is a shadow.   A shadow out of the corner of one’s eyes.   It is the realm where a few men and a whole lot of women express their sexuality free from society’s constraints.   It is where the stay at home soccer mom who makes the nice cupcakes for the neighborhood families has had an ongoing relationship with her young hot neighbor for years.  It is where the high functioning autistic but good looking man who works in a library supplements his income by indulging in the fantasies of lonely but affluent women.   It’s a world that occasionally leaks out into the mainstream but remains quite hidden.   Someone introduced to this world would have their minds blown.
 
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               I’ve read several blogs, studies, and watched several videos of those who promote the concept that looks matter.  Of course I agree as improving one’s body has been the foundation of my books.   That being said there’s another level.   If you look at the information in the public sphere it gives the impression that ALL one needs to do is look good.  Many people feel like if they get some type plastic surgery then their relationship issues will disappear.   They may get a little bit more attention but if other things are not in place that person will not be considered “sexy.”
 
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             Many women are very insecure.   They can strut around like Amazons ready to conquer the world and whatnot.  They can make a business deal in the morning and then go home to their big expensive houses and whip a fabulous dinner for themselves to eat while they watch their big screen TVs.   Yeah many women are dripping strength and confidence until they meet that drop dead gorgeous man who’s tall and buffed.  That same woman who just addressed executives at a board meeting has trouble saying hello to the man as he walks by.   If she does speak she’ll stutter and once he walks by she’ll rush home to change her panties because she peed on herself.   It’s not that women don’t want Pretty Boys.   It’s just that the butterflies are doing the tango in their stomachs.   Just like men get anxiety around beautiful women, women get it worse around beautiful men.  
 
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                  There is the thought that women want Alpha Males.   It’s something that I’ve promoted myself on occasion.   The Alpha Male is supposedly that tall, handsome man with a take charge dominant personality.   He kicks ass in all areas of society.   He’s the CEO of the billion dollar corporation, the football quarterback, he’s the charismatic leader of the drug cartel.    He is… THE MAN.   The wisdom is that these men get the best women.  Indeed it is thought these men will have harems of beautiful women who are at their beck and call.    Most dating and seduction advice geared towards men provide techniques for a man to either become an Alpha Male or to imitate alpha characteristics.   To be bad it’s all bullshit.  
 
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                 One of the main problems is that there are not enough Dimes to go around.   A man may not want to deal with the woman built like a water buffalo but he may live in a town with a whole herd of them.   The only time a man may consistently see Dimes is when he lives near a big college town or if he hangs around the most popular club in a big city.   Even then many of the Dimes are just Nickels who shined themselves up real good.   It’s interesting that there is so much talk about a shortage of good men yet it would be easy for men to say that there is a shortage of good women.  Unlike women, men would be honest enough to say that we mean beautiful and sexy.  
 
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            I have real problems with the “game” that is taught on the Internet in blogs, forums and in expensive seminars held in big hotel rooms.   My problem is that the shit don’t work for the majority of men who make efforts to learn this “game.”   I based that comment on not only several statements made by disgruntled men on the Internet who feel like they have been scammed but from dealing with men who have called themselves “Pick Up Artists” (PUAs).   I’ve coached men who have gone through these seminars and classes.  Usually I have to deprogram them before I can teach them anything useful.   The problem is what the men are being taught is wack to begin with.  
 
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             Many men have been attracted to a woman who will look them in the eye and say; “You have so many great qualities but I only see you as a friend.”  They will also say, “You’re going to make some woman very lucky one day.”   Most men just grin and bear it until they see the object of their desire walking around with another man.   Not just any man either.   The Good Guy has a degree, a career, his own home, and a late model car.   The woman who friend zoned him is walking around with an underemployed high school dropout who lives in his mother’s basement and doesn’t even have a driver’s license.  
 
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             It’s interesting to listen to Non-Select men complain about the choices women make.   They can’t for the life of them see the appeal of a Player or Bad Boy.   They think the women are the ones with issues and they should go for the Good Guys.   Even the women feel this way.  Many women will wonder why they can’t seem to fall in love with a gainfully employed, church going, and respectful man.  Instead the women are going crazy over a man who barely texts them, who may put them down, and will have multiple other women.   Even when women kick a Player to the curb they usually end up swooning for another Player.  What’s the issue?   From "A Player’s Eyes" the answer is simple.   A woman will put up with a Player, Bad Boy, or Dog for one reason and one reason alone: That drug called PLEASURE.
 
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              People don’t realize how deep it for a man to sleep with a great number of women in his lifetime.   That’s why a lot of men go crazy if they get dumped by their girlfriends or divorced from their wives.   Once a man finds that one woman who will fuck him on the regular he wants to hold on tight.   Many men will lock down their women for that reason.   Even when a man cheats he just has one other mistress.   The average man will have about thirty women in his life who will feel a natural attraction to him.   Thing is he’s not going to have sex with all thirty if he even meets them.   Most people will not meet all the persons most naturally attracted to them.   The man may be lucky to meet his thirty but fifteen of them will be in relationships.   He will not be naturally attracted to ten of them.   The timing will be off with at least two of the women.   So he may hook up with three women.   
 
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               The biggest single problem in male/female relationships is that most people are not realistic in searching for a mate.   You have plain looking, average shaped women with boring personalities thinking they can get a top tier male.   These women will not only reject men who are more in their league as far as looks and personality but they will do so with an attitude.   Even when they manage to hook up with a Select Man in most cases they are not really compatible.   Bomb sex doesn’t mean that two people need to be together outside the bedroom.   Dude could just have that good dick which he shares with five other women.   Yet Plain Jane thinks its love when she is really just a cool booty call.   Then when Plain Jane realizes that Mr. Goodbar doesn’t love her all men become dogs until she starts to swoon in the arms of another sexy dude.  
 
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               The reality is that only a small percentage of men have experienced what I have with dealing with women.   The majority struggle in their relationships.  That’s even when they can get one.   Many men don’t believe anything they haven’t personally experienced.   I’ve told men that I’ve always been approached by Dimes and they think I’m lying.   The reason is they and their associates have never been approached by a beautiful woman.  I mentioned to a couple of men that several women have showed up to my living space in the past without wearing underwear.   No way have they said, because it hasn’t happened to them.   I tell them I have to think hard about how many women I’ve had some sexual contact with in my life.   They think I’m automatically think I’m bullshitting because they remember the three women they have been with.   

15 Comments

I Didn't Know I was a Thug

10/18/2015

2 Comments

 
              I didn’t know I was a thug. I mean, I don’t have the common mentality of a thug nor a criminal record. I don’t wear earrings or have tattoos and I’m well-versed in the use of a belt. Nevertheless, I’m a thug. It’s a powerful moment of clarity. It explains a lot. Now I know why Black women have for the most part shown me love all of my life, whether for friendship, support, and especially in the bedroom. It was because I’m a thug. At least according to the prevailing wisdom of many self-identified “Good Black Men.”

            There’s been an interesting trend in many “Good Black Men” saying that Black women only want thugs. Now I find this interesting because I always made out like a bandit with the sistas. I must have been a thug. Here all this time I thought it was because I filled out a suit, had nice eyes, and had those little things called degrees from major universities. At least that’s what the ladies told me. Maybe they thought I was an undercover thug with tattoos under the tailored suit. Maybe they thought the correct English was a front. That had to be it because according to the wisdom of many of the “Good Black Men” out here these women should have ignored me.

            I’m making fun of this issue but it’s really no laughing matter. The reality is that there are a significant number of Black men who feel like they are being overlooked and rejected by Black women because they are not thugs. There are indeed Black women who are attracted to thuggish men or at least the men who have the appearance of being thuggish but this is only a minority of women and even in these cases there are other factors to be considered.

            Before I go further let me tell you a little bit about myself so you understand where I get my perspective on Black male/female relationships. I’m doing this because it has been my experience that people will try to find reasons to dismiss what I say if they disagree with my comments. They’ll commonly try to question my credentials or my life experience. My perspective on Black relationships, indeed on relationships in general come from what I’m finding to be a rather unique life experience. Despite what the media and even some Black people think, there are several subcultures within the Black community. Some of the more obvious ones are based on economic status. Thus we have the underclass which includes multigenerational families on government assistance, and those involved in petty criminal activity as a way of life. We have different levels within the worker class, which includes the working poor and those with higher paying hourly wage jobs. There is the professional class which includes individuals with advanced degrees and high paying jobs. Finally, there is the Black upper class and I don’t mean rich celebrities or athletes. We’re talking OLD Black money with family bloodlines going back to Blacks who owned other Blacks during slavery as well as free Blacks during the same period. Across these economic groupings there are several subgroups based on personal interests and especially religious beliefs. Thus if one were to take a cross section of the Black community, say a thousand people, and put them in a ballroom it would be an interesting sight. You would have a Bourgie sista wearing the hottest designer dress standing next to a Muslim brotha with a sharp tailored suit standing next to another Muslim brotha with robes standing next to a sista wearing African clothing with locs going down her back standing next to a RBG brotha wearing fatigues standing next to a brotha with his pants sagging. All of these groups have different nuances as to how they approach male/female relationships. My personal experience is unique in that I’ve spent significant time among several different subcultures within the Black community.

            When I was little I lived in a housing project in California and in a poor neighborhood in Washington, DC. That was just the economic situation with my mother and sister. Now, when I look at my extended family they appeared to be rich in my eyes. My grandmother and other extended family members owned multiple properties, businesses, and when I was four, my uncle bought me a pony. In the period of a week I could go from dodging budding stick-up kids to chilling at one of my aunt’s beach properties. As I grew older I learned how to distinguish and navigate between the different social groupings within the Black community. I have applied that knowledge in both my private and professional lives. I have especially applied that knowledge in my analysis of Black male/female relationship issues. One thing I’ve seen is that most relationship “experts” view the problems through the lens of their own particular subculture but try to apply solutions to the entire community which is obviously not working. What I do is look at the big picture. I analyze the different subcultures in terms of their nuances but I also look for common factors.

            In the Black community, indeed in all westernized cultures, women tend to place men in two different categories for dating and relationship purposes. For brevity purposes these categories are select and non-select. The men in the select category are those judged by women to be handsome, sexy, and have a respected status. To use the urban vernacular these men have “swag.” The men in the non-select category are those men judged by women to be not as handsome, sexually unappealing and lacking a respected status. Of course, several factors will affect who a particular woman considers handsome and sexy. The status depends on the particular subculture. A professional woman will look at a partner at a law firm as having status while a church woman will look at a minister as having status.

            Getting back to the notion that Black women want thugs, this may be the case within certain subcultures in which thuggish behavior is glorified, however, it would be inaccurate to apply this viewpoint to the entire Black female population. This is a perception based on media images and the subcultures from which most of the complaining “Good Black Men” originate. From my vantage point the most accurate statement about the overall dating preferences of Black women would be that the sistas want handsome men with swag and at least enough money to handle their business. Even Black women who genuinely desire thugs want them to be handsome with sex appeal. A reality is that most thugs are having as much trouble with relationships as the “Good Black Men.”  Most thugs are non-select in the eyes of the average Black woman. Some sistas will SETTLE for the average thug if there are no other viable options and quite frankly many Black women would rather be single than settle with a non-select man.

            Before I go further let me explain why I put the term “Good Black Man” in quotations. As I’ve explained above I’ve dealt with many subcultures and in doing so I’ve interacted with a lot of people both male and female. In my eyes many of the men running around talking about how “good” they are have serious character issues which have more to do with their lack of success with women than anything else. In my opinion, many of these men are simply failures with women and instead of doing something to improve their level of success they hate on the men who get the women and also the women who reject them. These men know deep down the women don’t see them as handsome and they know they don’t have sex appeal. So what do they do? They try act intellectually and morally superior to the select men. The “Good Black Men” will especially put down Black women for rejecting them. That’s really the genesis of this whole “Black women want thugs” thing. The truth about the select is difficult for most of these “good” men to handle.

            The men that Black women, indeed all women, consider select are those men who are the most optimally developed on all levels. It’s not an issue of these men just being handsome with charisma even though this plays a big role. In most cases these men are also very intelligent and have a lot of drive and ambition. These are men of substance. This is not a conclusion I’m just pulling out of the air. My first real introduction to the concept of select and non-select came the summer before I started freshmen year at Archbishop Carroll High School in Washington, DC. I’m not sure about the school’s reputation in the present day but in the early eighties it was a prestigious institution. I went with my grandmother to see one of her friends. Her friend had maybe a few of her granddaughters at the house. These girls pretty much ignored me until my grandmother casually mentioned that I would be attending Carroll. The granddaughters got real friendly all of a sudden. It was an eye opener as to what got a response from females.

            Women don’t just want a handsome man. Many women can attest to meeting a fine brotha and then get turned off when he starts talking. Depending on the character of the woman she might use the man as a boy toy but she won’t take him out with her in public. An honest look at the selectmen will reveal men with advanced degrees such as MBA’s JD’s and PhDs. You will find doctors, lawyers, accountants, ministers, and business owners. One will also encounter plumbers, carpenters, and garbage men. There will be some negative individuals in the select group but not in a greater percentage than there is in the non-select. The main thing is that there is no intellectual or moral difference between the groups. There are monogamous men in both groups and there are players in both groups. So what separates the groups? Let’s get to that.

            The only difference between the select and the non-select is sex. The select/non-select paradigm is a sexual hierarchy. The Black men in the select category are simply the ones sexually desirable to most Black women. The men in the non-select fail to make the cut. There’s very little honest discussion about the true sexual desires of Black women in the public realm. In the media, the sistas will talk about the virtues they look for in men but what’s not being said is that they are looking for these virtues in men they consider sexually appealing. To be fair this is why many Black men get frustrated because many will have the virtues on some level but will still get rejected. Then the men will see a woman with a man they consider to be a thug and think that the woman is crazy. A man can’t look at another man and see what a woman sees in him. A man may see a fine sista with a man he considers to be a thug. The woman knows that her man is a doctor and in her eyes is drop dead fine.

            Sex appeal to a woman is more than just physical appearance. There is also a mental component which a select man has to bring to the table. A man has to have a certain level of intelligence in order to be seen as sexually appealing to a woman. This intelligence isn’t necessarily in an academic sense though that is important to some women, but more of a social/common sense type of intelligence. A woman has to be turned on mentally and physically to truly be satisfied. A thug by nature is a negative individual who quite frankly isn’t going to appeal to most Black women.

            This whole “Black women want thugs” idea needs to be checked for several reasons. There are a few black subcultures where this may be a reality but cannot be applied to the entire Black community. It’s an insult to most Black women, who are genuinely attracted to professional men, blue collar men, activists, or artists. It’s an insult to Black men who get love and respect from Black women on a daily basis without compromising their manhood.

            Instead of trying to put down the men who get attention from women or trying put down the women for wanting certain men, the so-called “Good Black Man” needs to look in the mirror. There’s nothing wrong with rejection. Rejection is a beautiful thing because it tells a person what they need to improve on in life. The key is to learn from rejection. The most successful people in life faced a lot of rejection regardless of whether it was it was in relationships or business. Successful people take responsibility for their own lives. They don’t blame the world. They realize that there is only one thing they can control in life: the person in the mirror.

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Victory Has Defeated Women

10/11/2015

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​            “Victory has defeated you.” - Bane to Batman in the movie, “The Dark Knight Rises.”
 
            Through a combination of Feminism and the sexual revolution women have come a long way.   Women are free to pursue their life aspirations and their sexual desires.   Women are climbing the corporate ladder, or in many cases creating the corporation.   They are buying big cars, houses, going on expensive vacations, and pursuing their passions.   Sexually they are not stuck dealing with some boring man for the rest of their lives.   Divorce is easy and in many cases a woman may not even marry.   Women don’t need men for support like they may have only fifty years ago.   Women have succeeded in their revolutions for more autonomy.   Victory in many instances has been declared though some women may disagree.  I’m not going to get into all that though.  Bottom line is that women are freer than they have ever been in the modern era.  Too bad that victory has actually defeated women.

            Even though my blogs, books, and videos have for the most part directed to self-improvement for men a reality is that a significant amount of my material has been purchased by women.   Even in terms of one on one coaching I’ve had more women clients than men.   There have been even more women that I have engaged in regular conversations about relationships.   The scenario is almost always the same.  The women complaining the most about their relationship experiences have been educated, high achieving women who owned houses, condos, and if renting had top of the line townhouses and apartments.   These women had money.  On a personal level the women were very intelligent with physical features that were slightly above the norm.   These weren’t supermodels but a man would hold their hand in public.   That’s if they could get a man.  These women despite what they had going for them always had trouble getting into functional relationships.   The few that had a man were usually sharing that man with several other women or they were relegated to evenings of "Netflix and chill."   Most though, after working hard all day in a corporate environment where they hated their co-workers, would come home to big sterile houses.   The number of lonely women is quite high.

            When any movement seeks to change the social order the focus is always on the perceived injustice currently in front of them.   Very seldom does anyone think that a change in the social order will produce a worse social order.   If one studies the many revolutions in history it will be found that when the revolution succeeded in overthrowing the current government or social climate it would become necessary for the revolutionaries to become as oppressive as the previous regime.   The reason is that problems that may not have existed before the revolution start to pop up.   Then a vicious cycle starts when someone decides to overthrow the revolutionary regime.

            Now before someone thinks this blog will be about anti-Feminism and anti-sexual freedom that is not the case.  As will become evident I personally benefit from the way things are.   A Feminist would have to be created from reverse engineered alien technology from a crashed UFO to impact my life in any meaningful way.  I’m definitely for sexual freedom.  I was just moved to point out something that is extremely ironic.   Feminism and sexual freedom have actually made more women single and lonely which in turn makes them perfect prey for Players.  Ask me how I know.

            Back in the day men had to behave a certain way and treat women in a different manner than what we have today.  Even the men who had multiple women had to be a certain way.   Back in the day men had mistresses and in some cases another family.   The man was still expected to protect and provide for his mistress and any children they produced.   Things have certainly changed.   The only way many men provide now is if the paternity test says they are the father and the courts grant a child support order.  Some men get out of that by not having a job.

            The thing is that a real man wants to protect and provide for a woman.  Some men have such a strong urge to do so that they may knowingly protect and provide for a woman who has another man’s children.  This isn’t some simp shit as some men may think.    Just like a normal woman has a nurturing instinct, normal men have a natural instinct to take care of a family.  

            Many women will read this and say many men don’t want to protect and provide for women anymore.   That’s because the protect and provide instinct has been subverted by the current social programing.   Many women are yelling that they are, “independent and don’t need a man.”   Single mothers with boy children are showing these boys that they don’t need men.  So why be surprised that men take women at their word?

            Stop and think about it.

            This is what many women have fought for.  The irony is that many women talk about how independent they are but then get mad if a man doesn’t want to pay for a date.   These same independent women want an old school traditional gentleman.  Many have articulated this to me.  It ain’t happening though.  Viva la revolucion!

            The money and independence is one thing.   These independent women are really getting screwed sexually (pun intended).   Used to be a man had to come correct to get sex from a woman.   All he needs now is a cute smile and visible print.   Women don’t have to deal with that short, homely, pudgy dude who may still have good intentions towards her.  Women don’t have to deal with that stable but boring dude who will faithfully keep a roof over her head and food in her stomach.   Women because they have their own money and can feed and house themselves can go for those big dick muscle men and pretty boys.   They can also go for that handsome man with a six figure salary who lives in a nice condo and drives an E-Class.   This is where it gets good.

            Women have the freedom to go for these men but most women rarely leave these relationships with their self-esteem intact.   When a man gets to a point where several women are chasing him he doesn’t have to treat any of them right.   A Select Man doesn’t have to provide for a woman.  If she doesn’t like that he doesn’t spend money on her, he can tell her to lose his number and unfriend him on social media.   What she gonna do about it?   He has four more thirsty ass independent women who will be happy if he comes over to spend time with them in their big cold houses.   Some men may even make the women spend money on them.  The gigolo game is getting bigger in the social landscape.

            It used to be that men had to at least pretend to be monogamous.   There is a steadily growing group of men who are openly polyamorous.  They are telling the women straight up they have other women and don’t care if the women have a problem with the situation.   The perceived shortage of “good men” which really means “handsome men with a little bit of money" has made certain men very bold.   They know they are a hot commodity and they will deal with women only on their terms.  I have a very attractive lady friend who was commenting on the men in her city.  She’s fine and sexy and yet single.   I asked her why and she said the men in her city were either gay or polyamorous.   Women wanted the sexual freedom to chase Mr. Goodbar.  They got it and the shit ain’t really working out for them.

            Another factor with so many women being sexually free the Select Men can afford to be very picky.  If a man has ten women to choose from he will only deal with the most sexually attractive women.   Too many women have had their heads gassed by thirsty men.   Many women will pass over the thirsty men because they have the freedom to do so.   They get upset when Select Men exercise the freedom to pass them over.   There has been a lot of talk about the body positivity movement.   An unspoken purpose of that movement is to get Select Men to find overweight women attractive.   I find it interesting that it takes effort to find instances of where body positivity is applied to overweight men.  

            I'm just saying.

            Sexual freedom gives a woman the right to sleep with who she chooses but also gives men a right to find her unattractive.  

            Like I said earlier I didn’t write this to be anti-Feminist or anti-sexual freedom.   A random survey of my books, videos, and blogs will show I don’t write for or against Feminism and definitely not against sexual freedom.   What I am concerned about is the hundreds of decent women I have got to know over the years.   These women are good people, they really are.   Most of them would make a good wife for some man even the ones who claim they are so independent.   Women change their tune when the right man comes into their lives.   The problem is because the women are talking about how independent they are the right man may take them at their word and relegate them to booty call status.   A marriage minded man isn’t looking for an independent woman.   He’s looking for a woman who wants to be in a UNION.      

            The very things that women think is empowering them is causing them great pain.

            Think on this.
 

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A Player's Eyes Excerpt: Why Smart Women Get Played

10/4/2015

2 Comments

 
            The following excerpt is from my upcoming book, "A Player's Eyes."   In this excerpt I explain the real reason women, particularly smart and educated women, fall prey to Players and Bad Boys.

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         ​The reason women get played is not because they lack common sense, love thugs, or have a sign on their foreheads that says, “Victim.”  The reason women get played is because of their egos.   The women who get played the most are the ones who think they are the bomb.  Even though all women can and do get played there is one type that gets played the most.   I will call that woman the Smart Woman.   The Smart Woman is usually educated.  If she isn’t educated she may have had enough intelligence to work her way up to a high paying job.   The Smart Woman has money.  She has a home and material goods.   As far as physical appearance she will be somewhere between decent looking to slightly above average.   She’s definitely not ugly but no one will mistake her for a Dime.   From most men’s point of view the Smart Woman will be considered girlfriend or wife material.   Now here’s where it gets interesting.   I said “most men’s point of view.”   The men who will indeed have a high regard for the Smart Woman will be the same men that most women see as non-select.  

            As I said Smart Women think they are the bomb.   Non-Select men agree with them.   The Good Guys who are realistic see these women as perfect compliments.   No these women aren’t Dimes but to the Good Guys who like them, they are.   They want a good moral woman to come home to and that’s what the Smart Woman looks like.  Many Good Guys want to build with these women.   The problem is that the Good Guys aren’t good enough for the Smart Woman.   Smart Women don’t see good men they can build a family with.   Smart Women see men who are too short, too slim, too fat, and not handsome enough.   They don’t see a man who has worked hard to get where he is.   They see a man who is not making enough money, who may not have finished college, who is blue collar, and who lives in a modest apartment instead of a big townhouse.  The Good Guys don’t have what the Smart Women want.  

            The Smart Women want Mr. Goodbar and the Masked Man.  They want the man who can make them scream.  It’s more than that though.   They want the top men period.   Women are very competitive with each other.   They want the man that other women want.   They want to be able to say they got THE ONE!   This is a key aspect of a woman’s game.   Some women are realistic enough to be happy for what they can actually get.   Dude may be short and pudgy but he loves them and will always do right by them.  That ain’t good enough for the Smart Woman.   She wants that tall, handsome, built man with degrees and money.   Some will even reject Goodbar if he isn’t classically handsome or broke.    Here’s the funny thing.   In my opinion there’s nothing wrong with a woman going for the top man.   Go for it girl!  Get yo man!   The problem that pops up is that the top men don’t see the Smart Women in the same light.

            There was a Masked Man I knew years ago.   He said something that summed up what I heard other Masked Men say over the years in one way or the other.   He mocked Smart Women by saying, “I’m educated.  I have a house and car.  I keep my hair fixed and wear nice clothes.  I’m 250 lbs.  I can’t figure out why men don’t want me.”   Men in general don’t care about woman’s accomplishments and material possessions.   The few that do usually do so because they may be in a social circle where being with a person who projects a certain image is important.  Usually in upper middle class social groups.  In general that shit don’t matter or is at least not the first thing men notice.   When men talk with other men about a woman they just met they don’t talk about her degree, her profession, or her big house.   They say she pretty with a phat ass.  To Select Men most Smart Women are average at best.   When a man doesn’t see a woman as a Dime he will not give her his best.  This is especially the case if he has numerous women to choose from.   Each sub-category of the Select will respond to Smart Women in interesting ways.

            Mr. Goodbar sees most women as sex partners.   For the most part the Goodbars are the ones stroking the Dimes.   Smart Women usually don’t appear on a Goodbar’s radar.  When they do the Smart Woman is usually nothing more than physical gratification.   Even then she probably had to work hard and spend money to get Goodbar’s attention.  At some point the Smart Woman’s emotions become involved and she falls in love with Goodbar.   Goodbar on the other hand just likes her doggy style.   At some point the Smart Woman becomes a burden and Goodbar moves on.   He usually has other women anyway.   Now of course the Smart Woman feels that Goodbar took advantage of her.  She forgets that she chased him and not the other way around.   She really played herself.

            Now the Masked Man is a completely different story.   A Goodbar may not set out to intentionally dog a woman.  The Masked Man may make it his life mission to do so.   Now this isn’t all Masked Men yet there a sizable number who will intentionally hurt a woman emotionally.  The Masked Man didn’t start out as Select.   He had to work to get there.  Physically he had to hit the gym hard.   He had to build his body, he had to work on his grooming, his dental work, and his clothing style.   That’s just the physical piece.   He also had to go through college and maybe graduate school.   For the few blue collar Masked Men they had to put in long hours to learn and master their craft.   The Masked Man had to pay some dues.   The issue is that while they were paying their dues they had very little female companionship.   When these men were Non-Select they got rejected for numerous reasons.   I knew this dude who eventually became a high paid attorney.   He said while he was in school women rejected him because he didn’t have money to spend on them.   Never mind he was in school to become an attorney.   I’ve heard plenty of stories like that.  The irony is that once many of these men started making money the same women that rejected them would get real friendly saying something like, “I knew you were going places.  I always thought you were fine.”   Really?  What happens is the Masked Man has had years to build up some resentment.   There’s another dynamic with this.

            When the Masked Man was just a Good Guy he wanted the Smart Woman.   She just didn’t want him back.   Once he crosses the boundary into the Select World that Smart Woman doesn’t look as good to him anymore.   This is even in situations where her physical appearance hasn’t faded.   The Masked Man got his money right, his house and car are big, his body is muscular and he can wear expensive tailor made suits.   Dude wants a Dime to complete the picture.   He’ll be cool as long as he dealing with a Dime.   When he deals with a Smart Woman he will treat her in an inferior way.   All this pain and frustration he has carried for years will be taken out on a Smart Woman even though she may genuinely be attracted to him.  

            Years ago I did a radio show where I talked specifically about men who dog women.  I told the beautiful host that the biggest and most dangerous dogs are not trying to talk to women in the streets.   The biggest dogs aren’t some men with their pants hanging off their ass.   The most doggish men, the ones who make it their life mission to hurt women, are often the ones who are professionals with corporate jobs.   It’s all part of a vicious cycle.   Smart Women think they should get the top men and reject men who aren’t there.  When those men get to the top they reject those same women that rejected them.  

            I had to speak on this.   I’ve heard so many women complain about not finding a good man but it’s always their egos that get in the way.   A woman can have five Good Guys chasing her but because she thinks she’s the woman she wants Mr. Goodbar or the Masked Man.  Then she will have the nerve to complain that there is a “shortage of good man.”   She get out her ego and humble herself she will see that there are several men for her to choose from.   Her ego though makes her chase that man who may dog her.   Many men are told to stay in their lanes when looking for mates.   That good piece of advice works both ways.
 

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