The following is an excerpt from my book Sexual Chemistry - Nice Guys and Players Level II:
In Nice Guys and Players, I added a fifth category to the four categories of men. The fifth category of man I called The Real Man.
I had mix feelings about including the Real Man category. On one hand I was glad I did because quite frankly there are a few men who do not fit into one of the four main categories. A man goes into the Real Man category after he evolves out of the four main categories. My first book was geared to evolving men into the Real Man. On the other hand the inclusion of the Real Man category let many men off the hook. In seminars and talking with individual men, many would say that they are the Real Man. Yet their aura and actions would suggest otherwise. Many people will seriously believe that they have their act together when this is far from the case. I let the men believe what they wanted to but in reality they were far from being in the Real Man category.
The following is, as a friend would say, the “Real Deal Holyfield” definition of a Real Man:
The Real Man is the man, who has developed all three components of sexual chemistry i.e. his inner masculine nature, his sexual charisma, and physical/organic appearance. These components are not only fully developed but they are under the full control of a man’s will in the sense that his libido serves him and not the other way around. The Real Man is the man who has fully developed his will and is able to make the correct decision at the crossroads.
The Real Man is the one who has mastered the art of discipline. Outside forces cannot control this man. This man does not take action based on emotion. This man does not let his sex drive control him. He does not play games or wear a mask to hide his true face. He is not a passive bystander in the game of life. He is a hawk who soars above the crowd.
The key to understanding the Real Man is in relation to how he controls his sex drives. The key word here is “control.” There are many men who believe they control their sex drives when in reality they are suppressed. For an example let’s use two different men, Eric and Gary. Eric is a 30 year-old man with a good body build, average looks, and a pleasant demeanor. He is an avid reader of the Bible and he spends a great deal of time at his church. His parents were very strict as he grew up. Eric’s main peers are primarily people from his church. Eric is a virgin because he is waiting for marriage and he believes that pre-marital sex is a sin because of what the church, his parents, and his peers believe. Now Eric may believe he is a Real Man because of his discipline in sexual matters.
Gary is a 30 year-old man with a good body build, average looks, and a pleasant demeanor. Gary comes from a broken home and though he believes God exists Gary has no desire to step foot in a church. Gary never knew his father and his mother paid little attention to him as he was growing up. As result Gary fell into a bad crowd. He was sexually active since he was ten. By the time Gary reaches adulthood he had slept with more women than he could remember. As Gary gets older, however, he begins to be pickier about the women he deals with. By the time he is thirty Gary decides to not have sex until he meets a woman who would be good marriage material.
Now which man is the Real Man? If you picked Gary you are correct. A Real Man controls his own sexual drives because he makes the decision to do so. If someone controls their sexual drives because of outside influences they are not really in control. Using the above examples, Eric may think he is control of his sexual drives but in reality he is suppressed. The agents of suppression in this case are church doctrines, his parents, and his peers. Eric believes that pre-marital sex is a sin. Therefore he doesn’t have sex because he has a fear of sinning. His parents and his peers support this fear. Looking at it another way Eric would not have kept his sex drives under control if the fear element was not present.
Gary on the other hand, controls his sexual drives based on his personal decision. He was not forced to do it by outside forces nor was fear a factor. Gary’s issue was a loss of control of his sex drives. He simply got tired of having meaningless sex with different women. Outside factors did not play a role because Gary’s peers and certain factors in society supported Gary’s previous lifestyle. If anything Gary is going against the grain. By making the decision to be celibate until finding a woman who was marriage material Gary gained control over his sex drive.
The vast majority of people in society tend to fall either into the category of fear being a factor in their sexual life or a loss of control being a factor. The factors are subconscious in nature. Someone may think fear or loss of control is not present in their personalities but honest self-examination or more importantly, honest friends, will show one or the other to be the case. The four categories of men each fall into one of the factors. For Nice Guys fear is a factor in their sexual lives. This fear can come from a number of sources. It can be religious, psychological, or cultural. The result is always the same. This fear will have a suppressive effect on the sex drive of the Nice Guy. The Gamesman is the opposite. They have a loss of control issue, which is why Gamesmen will try to hit on every woman in their vicinity. The Gamesmen are being guided by their sex drives and not the other way around. The Masked Man will either have a loss of control issue or a fear issue. The mask will cover up these issues.
Mr. Goodbar is interesting in that he doesn’t have the fear factor that would suppress his sexual energy but he also doesn’t have as big an issue with the loss of control issue. As a group, Mr. Goodbars are more a balance of the two with a slight lean to the loss of control side. Keep in mind that one of things that attract women to Mr. Goodbar is that he is a challenge. Mr. Goodbar has the ability to resist the advances of women. In other words he has some level of sexual discipline. Of the four groups Mr. Goodbar has the greatest potential to evolve into the Real Man. All it takes is a greater development of his will.
The Real Deal about the Will
Many people walk around feeling like they have a strong will. They will point to their accomplishments or their material possessions or that they can be stubborn. These same people will have problems with addictions, infidelity, and a host of problems that plague them. Many stubborn people feel they have a strong will when in reality they may be stubborn because of pride or a false belief imposed on them by outside forces. The will is the ability to make a decision without coercion from any source whether it is outside factors or inner factors such as emotions and libido. The vast majority of people make decisions based on greater society, their peers, their emotions, and a host of other factors. The sad reality is that the overwhelming majority people do not have control over their lives. The current of life is simply sweeping them along. The following examples will illustrate my point.
Donny is a man whose will is asleep. He dresses according to the latest fad because everybody else is doing it. Donny constantly gets into bad relationships because they are dictated not by common sense but rather by his lust. He drives an expensive car he can’t afford because he sees other people with the same car. He believes almost everything he hears that comes from a source he believes to be authoritative. Donny never stands out in any crowd because he never does anything apart from the crowd. Everything Donny does is dictated by outside forces.
George has an awakened will. George dresses according to his personal tastes and he isn’t concerned about the latest fads because he realizes that fads always fade out leaving him with more clothes than he needs. George always has positive relationships because even though he has a strong sex drive he doesn’t allow it to make his relationship decisions. He will skip over the woman with the knockout body and take the woman who may be slightly overweight because she will be better for his personal growth. He picked his car based on reliability and affordability rather than popularity. George never believes something simply because he read it or heard it from someone claiming to be an authority. He always checks out information for himself and determines whether it can have positive application in his life. George always stands out in a crowd because he is not content to blindly follow others.
The Real Man is the man who has fully developed his will. There is no partially or little bit to this. When I say fully I mean fully. If a man takes actions based on fear he has not fully developed his will. Wayne dreams of starting a business because he can’t stand his job. Instead of actually starting a business Wayne comes up with several excuses such as keeping the bills paid, job benefits, inability to get a business loan, etc. All the excuses are superficial. Wayne doesn’t start a business because he has a fear of failure. His decision not to start a business is dictated by fear.
Another man, Trevor, wants to start a business. He is not able to do so because instead of taking the steps necessary to get a business started he is busy spending his money recklessly and chasing women. He can’t figure out why he can’t seem to get going. Trevor isn’t restrained by fear. He is confident he can make it in any business. Trevor’s problem is that he is not disciplined enough to focus on the mundane aspects of starting a business.
Steve is a man with a fully developed will. His wants a business providing health services to people because he feels it’s his life purpose. He doesn’t have any fear issues and he is very disciplined. He doesn’t allow outside factors to control his decisions.
The will is about freedom. Freedom to make a choice based on what’s best for one’s self. This choice isn’t based on emotion because emotions often override common sense and cause us to do things that will be detrimental in the long run. The divorce courts are full of people who made decisions based on emotions. The will is about making a decision free from outside coercion such as friends, family, institutions, and inner coercions such as lust or other emotions. Sometimes our friends and family want us to do things based more on their views and biases as opposed to what is best for ourselves. A man with a fully developed will is his own man. We all have individual paths to follow. More than anything else the will is about making the correct decision at the crossroads.
In the “Real Deal Holyfield” definition of a Real Man I said the following:
The Real Man is the man who has fully developed his will and is able to make the correct decision at the crossroads.
The crossroads is that the key point in everyone’s life where they will make a decision that will affect the direction and quality of their life until they reach the next crossroads. Crossroads are both major and minor events with major implications. Sometimes we are aware of these implications and most often we are not. Major crossroad events are college graduations, moving to a new city, a marriage ceremony, the birth of a child, the death of a loved one, and other major events in one’s life. Minor crossroads events can be taking a different path to work or not talking to the person sitting next to you on a train. All crossroads events are life altering even if a person doesn’t realize it at the time. The major ones are obvious. Events like college graduations and marriage are new beginnings in people’s lives. Events like taking a different path to work or not talking to the person next to you on the train are minor but can have major implications. For example, taking a different path to work may seem minor and nothing eventful may happen in the person’s life for a long time. If, however, that person took their regular path to work they would have been killed in an auto accident. By not talking to the person sitting next to them on the train a person may miss out on a potential mate or some other opportunity.
It tough to know when one is at a crossroads situation. It takes some practice and reflection on one’s life. I would suggest all men and women reading this take the time out to look at the major events in their lives good and bad. Some of these situations were the crossroads while the rest of the situations resulted from making a poor decision at the crossroads. People are at the places they are in life because of their decisions at key points in their lives. People frequently made the wrong decisions in their lives because instead of using their will to make the best decision they allowed outside forces to decide for them.
With regard to relationships many men make the wrong move at the crossroads. The vast majority of men make decisions based on their libido as opposed to what’s in their long-term best interest. Now don’t get me wrong, there isn’t anything wrong with the libido. The issue is whether the libido is the master of man or man is the master of the libido. For example you have two men, Kevin and Calvin. Kevin is led by his libido when he reaches the crossroads. He will see a woman with a bomb body and drop everything to chase her. Kevin’s biggest priority is chasing women. Everything he does in life is geared to women. As a result he doesn’t have much going for him otherwise. A bomb body turns on Calvin as any other man. Calvin, however, will weigh going after the woman with other considerations in his life. If going after a particular woman will not interfere with his overall life objective he will precede. If he feels that a woman will take him out of his life objective he will leave her alone. By exercising his will Calvin has avoided many of the pitfalls relationships can bring.
We all come to the crossroads. These situations involve making a choice. The choice is the difference between success and failure in any situation. We are able to make the best choice when we have the will to resist being coerced by emotions, family, friends, or society. Most of us make poor choices, which lead to lackluster lives. The only way to truly succeed in life is to develop the ability to make choices free of coercion.
Let’s Get Real
It’s time for men in society to develop their will. With society in the state that it’s in we cannot have men who are content to lead mediocre lives. It’s the time for leaders, and not followers. It’s the time for heroes who are going correct the ills of society starting from their corner of it. It’s time for men who are going to make a difference. It’s time to get real. Many men will say that they are the Real Man but when they reach the crossroads their actions do not back up their words. It’s time to walk the walk.
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I’m going to share a major frustration I’ve had over the years. I’ve been writing books and conducting seminars on male/female relationships since 1997. Even though I’ve written some things for women my main focus has been on self-development for men. I’ve done books, seminars, and one-on-one coaching with hundreds of men from teenagers to even a few old enough to be my father. My main theme is simply standing up and being a good, responsible, honorable man. As I say in my books, a Real Man. Sounds good in theory. The men for their part are willing to listen because most of the men I have talked to have been generally good guys. Even the players I’ve talked to had generally good character traits. There’s a big problem. I can write and tell men to be Good Men until my chocolate skin turns blue. A big problem is that it doesn’t seem like the Good Men are winning as far as getting women.
Let’s be raw about it. The Bad Boys are winning the sexy woman sweepstakes. Even the Plain Janes are jumping over the Good Men in order to be in the rotation for the Bad Boys. I know this not from the men but from what WOMEN are telling me. I’m not exaggerating when I’ve said I’ve talked with thousands of women. Through seminars, and book signings I’ve met women who have told me all their business. Even on day jobs including sales jobs I’ve talked with a lot of women. Women in general say they want a monogamous Good Man but the men they have the vagina tingles for are the womanizing players. A woman can have five single and available Good Men interested in her but she is willing to be the side piece for the married Bad Boy. Publically this same woman will go to seminars or on national TV and complain about the shortage of Good Men.
This is where the problem starts. The woman may think she’s being slick and discreet with her married Bad Boy. That Bad Boy though isn’t being discreet. I want the women in particular who read this blog to understand one very important thing. No matter how discreet a woman think she is being she is still dealing with a man who is not being discreet. That man is going to tell SOMEBODY his business. I know women who can keep things quiet. Women are slicker than men when it comes to cheating. Men though are going to tell somebody even it’s just his homie. Thing is the homie is going to tell somebody else. You got all these men dry snitching on themselves to the point where it WILL get back to the Good Men. So the Good Man wonders why women are not trying to get at them but are spreading their legs wide open for a Bad Boy.
Let me share a scenario that many Good Men have shared with me over the years. The story is always the same. A Good Man will have a romantic interest in a woman and start dating her. She may kiss him but they will not be sexually intimate. She will come up with several reasons why they can’t have sex yet. Some are religious, some have to do with “90 day rules,” and most often the woman will say she has to get to know the man. The man, being good, will respect her wishes and think he has a good woman. One way or the other the Good Man finds out that this woman who he was respecting has been having sex with another man. The worst scenario is when a man catches who he thought to be his woman with another man in a sexually intimate situation. One account that was shared with me is when this man as a college student was dealing with a fellow student. He thought she was beautiful and nice, a good girl. He respected her desire to wait for sex. Yeah. His heart was broken when she walked into a room at a party and saw her with four men. She was sucking one man’s dick while another was doing her doggy style. The other two men were waiting their turns.
Here’s my thing. Good Men really have little incentive to be good. Men do what they do because they are motivated by the desire for sex. I’ve always said that you can kill a man’s desire to achieve anything in his life if you convince him that no matter what he does, he will not get sex from a woman. Men are booty-motivated. Men create because of a desire to impress women in order to get sex. Men want that reward. That’s why so many men are dropping out of society. They tried to do the right things but they weren’t rewarded. It’s something that goes back to their teenage years.
There are many teenage boys who study hard, go to church, help in the community, and stay out of trouble. Those things don’t seem to impress the young girls. If the teenage boy is deemed very cute he may still get some play. The average boy though is just that, average. The average male will not look good physically until his thirties. If you look at a lot of male Hollywood sex symbols they were geeky as teenagers. By the time a man has reached his thirties he has put some muscle on his frame or maybe lost some baby fat. Weight loss or muscle gain affects a man’s facial structure which can make him more handsome. In addition by his thirties the average man will be into his career and thus he will walk and talk with more confidence.
Now some men will become more handsome and confident but many more will just continue the pattern that was established when they were teenagers. No matter what good qualities they have or develop, they will see young girls throw themselves at a Bad Boy for no other real than he has a cute dimpled smile. The Bad Boy’s secret is not his personality despite what people think. Bad Boys get attention because of his face and/or body build. I have never in my life encountered an overweight, and ugly Bad Boy. An ugly male with Bad Boy traits is called a creep by women.
Many boys and young men see the handwriting on the wall. That the reason why a lot of young boys, especially in the Black community, do not do well in school. They don’t see the boys who are excelling academically getting the girls. They don’t see the boys who are volunteering at church getting the girls. They don’t see the boys who aren’t sagging their pants, and don’t have a bunch of tattoos winning with the girls. Somebody can make the argument that there are good boys who do win but is it because these boys are “good” or because they are very cute?
Even as adults it’s hard to tell men to be honorable and responsible when it doesn’t seem apparent that this works with women. Once again this isn’t coming from the men. When women talk about a particular man with me it is EXTREMELY rare that she talks about his character traits. Usually they are talking about his looks or his sex appeal. This is coming not only from young girls but from women old enough to be my mother. So for me that’s women in their sixties and seventies still picking men the same way they picked when they were teenagers.
I’ve mentioned this in a blog before and it bears being mentioned again. Before I wrote my first relationship book both men and women used to ask me to teach them how to be a dog. When I was younger I was very emotionally distant. It used to stimulate that sense of longing that turns many women on sexually. It was hard for me to tell a man that he needed to have good character traits when he saw me getting attention from a woman by being cold and distant. Men out here are doing all the things women say they want in man. The secret is that women want these good character traits in a man they deem to be sexually attractive. The women in the forums and on social media are only talking about fifteen percent of the male population. The average man sees this and comes to resent the select men and the women who love them.
Many men are asking, “What the point?” For most men there is no incentive to be a Good Man.
So the question must now be if Rom doesn’t teach game, how can I get women? I’ll say this. Game does work. There is no disputing that. A man using game can definitely get women. Even at the rudimentary level that is being taught by dating coaches and seduction gurus. The real issue is what type of women are receptive to game. The women most receptive to a man running game on them are not the top quality women men pay hundreds of dollars for books and seminars to meet. The women most receptive to game tend to be either plain Janes or simply ugly, overweight, low self-esteem females who lack street smarts. Even the physically attractive women who seem to be receptive to game have some things going on. The attractive women tend to be promiscuous anyway and quite frankly will have sex with a man whether he used game or not. If I wanted to teach game I would simply teach men how to tell if a woman is promiscuous or easy regardless of her mask. My point in all this is that men using game are not getting the best they can get. They are getting grocery store hamburgers instead of steakhouse Filet Mignons. So what should a man do?
First thing a man needs to understand is that women WANT to have sex. Many men have the false belief that women are not as interested in sex as men. As a result many men approach women thinking they have to convince the woman to have sex. She’ll have sex just maybe not with him. The first mistake is that men tend to approach women who are not trying to seduce them. Women are really as sexually aggressive as men. They just express their aggression in a different way. Instead of approaching a man, a normal woman will dress, and behave in such a way as to draw a man to her. Women by nature are seductive. They want to draw your attention to them. That’s how they hunt. A young girl on my day job had a short sexy dress. I complimented her and said, “You’re hunting aren’t you?” She answered, “Yeah I’m looking for a new man.” A man doesn’t really need game to get a woman. He simply needs to pay attention. If he pays attention he will notice that at least one woman has been trying to seduce him. The key for a man is to develop himself into the type of man a woman will want to seduce.
The first thing a man has to do is develop his physical sex appeal. Women are turned on by a man’s body period. A woman has to be able to look at a man and want to PHYSICALLY have sex with him. Forget all that mess about WORDS turning a woman on. A man’s body turns a woman on, period. Now let me explain why it seems like a man’s words turn a woman on. Women are moved primarily by emotion. They are built that way. Men need to stop expecting women to be rational. They can be but they are primarily moved by emotion. A woman’s emotions are moved by her hormones. That’s why a woman’s moods changes by the week, even day to day. Now what women do is rationalize their emotions. Let me get Dexter Goodbar in here to illustrate my point. A married woman, Gwen, meets Dexter at a store he owns. She immediately lusts him. Dexter picks up on it and immediately hits her with his sexually enticing conversation. Gwen wants him bad because her lust is affecting her emotions. She starts thinking that her husband isn’t attentive or that good in bed. What she is doing is rationalizing her desire to sleep with Dexter. She sleeps with Dexter and tells her friends. Instead of saying that she was simply turned on by Dexter’s body she says that he said all the right things. The truth is that Dexter was trying to get a sale and his best sales technique with women is to flirt with them. Gwen had decided she was going to sleep with Dexter when she first laid eyes on him. She just had to rationalize her choice.
Men need to understand the reality of a woman’s sexual aggression. If there is a man thinking he still thinking he needs game let me share this. There are plenty of stories in the media about female teachers having sex with underaged male students. Those are just teachers. There are many older women who seduce and sleep with teenaged boys. Something I’ve NEVER shared before but I will do so now. When I was seventeen I had a brief relationship with an older woman. I don’t want give away the details. I didn’t see it as abuse or a bad thing. It’s just something that happened. The thing about it though is that I didn’t use any type of game. I just allowed myself to be seduced. She was pretty and besides the physical aspect we were both science fiction fans. My point is that I was able to get her without using any type of game. She wanted me and I allowed it.
So a man needs to understand a woman’s true sexual nature as well the need to work on his body. Just a note about that. A man does not have to be super-muscular or drop dead handsome to attract a woman. It doesn’t hurt but if someone isn’t blessed with great genetics he call still turn on a woman physically. Women like different types of bodies. Some women like tall and beefy, some like short and slim. A man needs to work on developing the best body that he can. He then needs to pay attention to see which women are turned on by his particular body. All men really don’t need to have movie star looks to get women. Most women don’t want to be with a man who looks better than they do. All a man has to be is decent looking with a body that appeals to a particular women. The only women that tend to want a man that looks better than them are buttaface women. The reason is that it makes them look good by being able to seduce a good-looking man. Most men classified as Mr. Goodbar have average to slightly above average faces. Men who are extremely handsome tend to have issues with women for numerous reasons I’ll get into in a future blog.
Other than his physical presentation a man needs to work on his overall character. A man doesn’t need to and shouldn’t change his basic personality to get a woman. If he is naturally cool and calm he shouldn’t become gregarious because he thinks it will attract women. Many women are attracted to cool and calm men. A gregarious man shouldn’t try to be laid back because he thinks it will attract women. Many women are attracted to gregarious men. See what many dating coaches and seduction coaches teach men is how to wear a mask. That’s why so many men fail. Men have to be themselves. They have to develop their character. Too many want to become a clone of someone else. For example, many men try to emulate pimps because they see how pimps control women. First of all pimps do is manage women, they don’t control them. Most women who get with a pimp are naturally promiscuous anyway. All most pimps do is take advantage of the prostitute’s basic nature. There are plenty of women out there who sell their bodies for money and they don’t have a pimp. I first learned of that hustle during my childhood. I also know some former sugar babies. People really don’t know how deep the sexual underworld goes. Yet another future blog. My point about pimps is that men try to emulate that which they don’t know about. The books on the market about pimps, even those by pimps, are just the tip of the iceberg. Ask me how I know.
When I talk about character that deals more with how some men interact with other people. The reason most men fail with women is not because they are ugly, or broke, or don’t have game. Some men are just not likeable. I was at a wedding reception one time. I was sitting at the table with a lame ass dude. We’re at a joyous occasion and all this lame dude was doing was complaining about how women don’t like him. I guess not. He really wasn’t likeable as a human being. He wasn’t the type of person I would invite out with a group for some beers. Many so-called Nice Guys are whiny and obnoxious. A woman could be turned on physically by a man and still get turned off when he opens his mouth. Words won’t seduce a woman but they will sure as hell turn her off. A man needs to work having a positive character. Nobody wants to be around a negative individual. A man who wants to attract women needs to work on being likeable by women. This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything a woman says. It means being cool to be around. A man has to get to the point where a woman wants to be around him because it feels good to her. A negative man isn’t going to make a woman feel good.
I use the character of Dexter Goodbar as an example of a man who gets women based on his physical appearance. A few blogs ago I introduced the character of Jimmy Cool. Jimmy is Dexter’s cousin. Jimmy isn’t fine like Dexter but women love him because he is cool to be around. Let me share another thing about myself. I attracted many women because they liked how I looked physically. There were other women I got with who looked at me and said, “He aw’ight.” There were a few women who didn’t like me all at when I first met them. I won these women without trying because they were able to get to know me and considered me to be really cool. For the most part I'm a positive person to be around. I’m not the type who complains a lot. If I complain publically about something I usually try to come up with a solution. See I was a person women liked being around even if I wasn’t having sex with them or spending money on them. I’ve always had a lot of female friends. Ironically I’ve only heard the term “I only see you as a friend” a few times. Those women who friendzoned me were women I either eventually had sex with or they expressed a desire to do so. All because I stayed cool and kept a positive character.
This doesn’t need to be too complicated. Instead of taking the shortcut of game and getting subpar women a man needs to develop his body and his character. The more his body and character is developed the better the quality of women who will try to seduce him. At the end of the day that’s what it’s all about: a man being the best version of himself and getting the best out of life.
A few weeks ago I was driving to the mall with my sons and my cell phone started blowing up with texts. Since I’m a responsible driver I didn’t look at the texts until I got to the mall and parked my car. It was about 9 texts from a good friend I’ll call Roger (not his real name). The texts were about some incidents that happened the day before. To sum it up Roger had encounters with 6 or 7 women not including his actual girlfriend. None of these incidents were platonic in nature. I’ll let your imagination take over from there. Now in the years I’ve known Roger he’s not the type to make things up. He’s not one of those cats who will lie on his dick.
Now it makes sense that women find Roger attractive. Men have jealously commented on his looks calling him a “Pretty Ricky.” Plus he works out religiously. On top of that he’s a poet/rapper with a pretty good video out. He also has a strong sales background so he’s not shy about approaching people in general and women in particular. This wasn’t always the case.
As a teenager and young adult Roger was a very skinny and shy. Women weren’t checking for him. Roger was a frustrated young man. Instead of going on the internet and complaining about “women wanting bad boys” and whining with other similar men, Roger decided to change his life. He started first with his shyness. Roger got involved in sales to specifically address his shyness. As someone with a sales background myself I can tell you the sales profession cures anyone of shyness. To succeed you not only have to be comfortable talking with different types of people but you have to become comfortable with rejection. Even a master salesman will get rejected. What the master salesman does, however, is not let the rejection bother him. He learns from the rejection.
A few years after getting into sales Roger discovered my books, “Nice Guys and Players” and “Sexual Chemistry.” My books put an emphasis on developing alpha male qualities. Under my tutelage as well as Tantra masters Yao Nyamekye Morris and Shantam Nityama, Roger grew from a man who was too shy to talk to women to a man who has women routinely throwing the pussy at him. I’m not exaggerating. When women are sexually turned on by a man they become very aggressive. Ask me how I know.
The takeaway from this story is that Roger DID THE WORK!!! The internet is full of websites, blogs, and videos of men who have trouble connecting with women on any level. The one theme connecting all of this is that women don’t want nice guys, beta males, omega males, etc. Now a man when faced with a problem can do one of two things. He can complain with other similarly situated men. What they are doing is sharing the problem and blaming everything and everyone instead of doing the one thing they need to do: change the man in the mirror.
Other men when confronted with the same issue will look in the mirror and make the changes. A male becomes a man when he takes responsibility for his own life. A real man will look at his circumstances and instead of blaming everybody else will say, “Things are going to be different.” A man can only control one thing in his life: himself. A man has to DO THE WORK!!! Let me share a story from my past.
I’m a person who can put on weight easily if I don’t consciously make an effort to work out. Back in the late eighties I was in one of my overweight periods. I came to a defining moment in my life one evening. There was a Prince concert. I took as my date a hot Italian friend of mine I’ll call Maria. Now me and Maria weren’t quite platonic as we had made out before and grinded at a party. We had not had intercourse either. For this concert Maria had on a full body cat suit and some heels. Damn she was hot and sexy. So we had a good time at the concert and I was thinking since we had kissed before she would want to have sex. When I brought it up she told me straight up she didn’t want to because I was so big. My response was, “okay.” See most men would be pissed and entitled if they had paid for the date. One thing about me is that I always learn from rejection and I would rather deal with an honest woman than one trying play me.
After that incident I started running to lose weight. I vowed never to be that close to a woman that hot and sexy and lose out because of my weight which was something I could control. Now I never did get with Maria sexually but after losing about 30 pounds three equally hot and sexy women sucked my dick within weeks of each other. Two of these women had previously friendzoned me. The reason was that I DID THE WORK!!!
Complaining about women and their dating choices doesn’t do any good. I personally don’t see women changing their criteria because men are complaining on the blogs and videos. In fact, women tell men what they want by their actions. Women in general go for assertive men with nice bodies. Even though women choose the men, men are still expected to approach. When women choose they choose by being receptive to the man. The man still has to have the balls to take the initiative. If a man is shy he needs to do whatever it takes to get over that shyness. Roger did so by getting into sales. Another man may do so by speaking to random women throughout his day. DO THE WORK!!!
Most men are rejected by women because the women are not PHYSICALLY attracted to them. Forget all that nonsense in the media about a woman not caring about looks. A man’s looks includes his body build. Women are turned on by a man’s body period. I’ve known male exotic dancers who pull out wads of cash like they’re drug dealers. There’s always discussions on the internet and in the real world about why women like “Bad Boys.” People make the mistake of focusing on the personality traits of these men. The personality traits are virtually irrelevant with the exception of being assertive. I have had honest conversations with a few thousand women about their preferences in men. Regardless of the personality traits they desired which was across the board, the women all expressed a preference for a body type. Most women prefer men with athletic builds. Not big and bulky like a professional body builder but not quite slim like a basketball player. There are women, however, who prefer big and bulky, and those who prefer slim. The bottom line is that women have a body preference. When men wonder why a woman likes a particular bad boy, I would say ask the woman what she likes in a man physically. A church going man with the same body type would at least get a look from the woman. The physical piece is important because a woman has to be sexually attracted to a man. Contrary to popular sentiment women are as visual as men. A gym membership will at a minimum draw more attention from women. The key is that the man has to DO THE WORK!!!
Ultimately a man has to make a choice. Does he continue to be lonely and sexually frustrated and blame the world? Does he do the work to be surrounded by sexy women and have a fulfilling sex life?
The real man chooses the second option. He will DO THE WORK!!!