Something that has cracked me since I was young is dudes who lie about the number of women they’ve had sex with. As we used to say back in the day, “lying on they dick.” We’ve all met them. Usually they say something like “I’ve been with so many women I can’t even give you a number.” Or they give a number that’s in the three figures. They’ll say they had sex not only with over 100 women but that all the women were very attractive rating from 8 to 10 on the infamous scale. Yeah…
Where do I start with this?
First of all in the world of men, ONE thing that will cause a heterosexual man to respect another man is the ability to pull women. I remember back in the nineties I was on the street in front of my apartment building. Across the street was a brotha who was dealing with a stalled car. At the same time a relatively tall Asian woman with a mini skirt and killer legs walked out of the building. Now me and the Asian woman were having a fling at the time. So when she walked out we spoke for maybe ten minutes and then she left to take care of business. The brotha who witnessed the interaction and picked up that there was more going on between me and the young lady, walked across the street, looked at me and then looked at the young lady as she walked away. The brotha then invited me to a private party. As the saying goes, “game recognizes game.” He respected me because he knew I had pulled a fine ass woman. That’s how it is in the world of men. This is why successful men will go for trophy women.
Now many men in order to get respect from other men will inflate the number of women they have been with. Total opposite of women. For example a woman has had sex with ten men. If anybody were to ask her she will say she has had sex with five men. Of course she was in relationships with the five men at the time. She omits the two one night stands she had. She neglects to mention the fling she had with a neighbor. She doesn’t talk about being a side piece for a year to a married man. Finally, there was the time she had pity sex with the ugly, out of shape loser who was a genuine nice guy. Of course she only talks about when she was penetrated in her vagina. Her sexual CONTACT number is in the forties. She doesn’t count the number of dicks she sucked, or the times she let a man eat her out or suck her titties.
So while women are under counting, men are over counting. If a man tells me he’s been with fifty women I always divide that in half. So we down to twenty-five. Unlike women most men count every sexual contact. Out of that twenty-five, the man only penetrated vaginally nine women. Six of the women only let him perform oral sex on them. Five of them let the man suck their breasts and nothing else. Four of the women just sucked his dick. One woman spent the night in his bed half naked and let him feel her up but allowed nothing else. Of course the typical man is going to inflate his numbers in order to look good to his peers.
Okay, dudes are going to lie on their dicks. Overall it’s not major issue if men do so in barbershops or on the street corner. Men bond on talking some bullshit. It’s part of the game and the average man with street smarts knows this. The problem I have is when men do so in the context of the Male Dating Advice Industry. You have dating coaches, bloggers, and seduction gurus who will say they’ve been with hundreds of women in order to get men to buy their products. They will back up their claims with pictures of them with beautiful women or videos of them kissing women in the streets. Someone naïve thinks that these men are actually having sex with these women when in reality many of these “experts” are hiring models.
Here’s the biggest single issue I have with many men saying they’ve been with hundreds of women: They never talk about the problems that come from dealing with multiple women. I don’t care how Playa, Mack, Pimp, or Pick-Up Artist a man thinks he is, there are going to be issues when dealing with multiple women. Let me count the ways.
First of all, you have ordinary looking men with average bodies and modest incomes talking about they have sex with several very attractive women. That’s some bullshit for one simple reason. The overwhelming majority of women in ANY culture are not going to be facially beautiful with sexy bodies. In American society the AVERAGE woman is plain looking, short, and slightly overweight. Seriously I challenge any man reading this to ask himself the following question, “How often do I see a woman I would rate as at least an Eight?” Even men who spend most of their time in bars and clubs are not going to see a lot of women that attractive. Even on college campuses where there are young women in their sexual prime how many of them are extremely attractive? I watch a lot of college basketball and the camera ALWAYS finds the cheerleaders. Anybody who knows anything about the cheerleading subculture (yes it’s a subculture) knows that the women are chosen based on physical attractiveness even if this is not stated publically. Watching these cheerleaders on TV if you look at most from the neck up they are not extremely attractive but were probably the best candidates at a particular school. Models, pin-up girls, and the like make money because they are RARE. If a man has truly had sex with over a hundred women it is likely only three of them were extremely attractive. The rest were likely average and slightly overweight.
Another issue is that when men claim to have high counts it they NEVER seem to have any stories of any major drama. It’s always a case of meeting a very beautiful woman, running some type of game, and having sex with her that same night. Then this very beautiful woman just goes her own merry way and the man goes to work on his next drop dead gorgeous conquest. Bullshit! First of all if a man has sex with a physically attractive women he will likely want to have sex with her again. Very beautiful women make the most cold-blooded players think in terms settling down. Especially if she is good in bed and can make a sweet potato pie. That’s the male fantasy right there. The reality is different.
Men who have high counts are for the most part messing with average and even ugly women with average shapes. A man is typically not going to catch feelings for an average woman. Even though the propaganda is that average women are nicer than beautiful ones, that is usually not the case. Many average women have major issues. A man dealing with multiple women has to deal with a lot of mental illness. Women know if they’re dealing with a man who really doesn’t care for them beyond sex. Yet they will still deal with that man. Then when the man decides to move on, the women start engaging in obsessive behavior particular if the dick was real good. These women will show up at a man’s place unannounced, do a drive by at 2 in in the morning, call or text him at all day long. I’ve known women who have camped out in front of a man’s home. Some men get assaulted. Domestic violence goes both ways.
So if man says he has had sex with over a hundred women and I feel like challenging him I’m going to ask a few questions. I will ask about level of attractiveness and mental health issues. I will also ask how many pregnancy scares has he had. I will ask how many times he has had to pay for an abortion. I will ask how many kids he has. I will ask how many times he has had to get a shot in the butt because he caught an STD. The more women a man deals the more chances that there are going to be some unintended consequences.
The thing is that there are men who have been legitimately been with multiple women. The conversation with them is way different from men who are lying on their dicks. Let me let y’all in on something. The back of my book, Nice Guys and Players says the following:
Are you a nice guys constantly passed over by women? Are you a player who can get every woman except the one you love?
The men who have supported my book the most have never been Nice Guys. In fact the biggest criticisms of my book has come from the men who need the book the most. The men who have supported me the most have been the pretty boys, the musclemen, and the Macks. I’ve had true to the game Pimps give me props. The reason for that support is that they can truly relate to my perspective.
Men who have truly been with a large number of women know the problems that come from a high count. These men are trying to limit their number. Many will even get married in an attempt to control their nature. Yeah the sex is good, even great in some cases but what comes along with it can be emotionally draining. See when a man penetrates a women physically she is also penetrating him mentally. A man is trying to plant his physical seed and a woman is trying to plant her mental seed. Many men get in trouble because they have sex with a woman with a jacked-up mentality. They have sex with her a few times and then wonder why their lives start falling apart. That’s because she is planting negative thoughts in their head. It’s like what a friend said about an extremely sexy woman we both knew, “She can get a man killed.” This woman was both sexy and highly intelligent. She knew how to plant seeds in men’s minds. A man dealing with multiple women has to be mentally strong because every single woman he deals with is trying to plant her seed in order to fulfill HER agenda.
There are men paying thousands of dollars to learn how to be players. It’s not a lifestyle for every man. It’s telling that the men who are actually living that lifestyle are trying to get out. Some will even go into therapy for sex addiction. I actually had more than one player wish they could be ordinary men. One even thought about suicide. When it gets down to it that’s why I feel a little anger when men obviously lie on their dicks. They try to paint a picture of a great lifestyle but it is an illusion. It’s a drug. The high feels good but when one comes down they feel terrible.
Ultimately men need to focus on quality and not quantity. The most impressive thing to say to me is not, “I’ve been with over hundred women.” It impresses me more when a man says I’ve been with five women who helped me to become a success.”
Now that’s what men need to be saying.
One of the greatest mysteries of life is why a small group of men seem to have sex with a multitude of women while a large percentage of men struggle to get a simple hello from the same women. This issue is addressed from many different angles notably dating coaches. Doesn’t work too well for most men though. Many quite frankly have been scammed out of thousands of dollars and in many cases have a worse time relating to women. The reason is that most men have the wrong perspective. There is the belief that women are not as interested in sex as men. This is a universal false belief. Women want sex as much as and in many cases more than men. Let me give my view on things.
All people have two faces. They have a social face and a sexual face. The social face of a person is what the public sees. When I say public I include friends and family. This is the outer person that works, goes to church, shops for groceries, and appears to be a stable member of society. The sexual face is the person in the bedroom who engages in threesomes and alternative sexual practices. The point is that the sexual face may be different or even contradictory to the social face. Now here’s the interesting thing. For many men their social face and their sexual face are nearly the same. There is no real stigma for men to express their sexuality. It’s even encouraged in certain venues such as the sports fields and construction sites. Not so with women. Most women only show subtle hints of their sexual face and in many cases are shamed by men for even showing that little bit. As a result the average man confuses a woman’s social face for her sexual face.
When most men approach women they try to appeal to her social face thinking it will trigger sexual attraction. The average man will try to show that he is SOCIALLY dominant by talking about his status, or using pickup lines, or appealing to her logically or emotionally. The bottom line is that he is trying to TALK her into finding him attractive which is really just appealing to her social face. Depending on the man this may work if he is able to fulfill the woman’s social needs. She may want to enhance her social face by being in a relationship with a man that looks good to the public. Thus many men think that they can get a woman with a good conversation, a mouthpiece as the Macks would say, or routines as the Pickup Artists (PUA) use for seduction. Most men, however, fail to get women through talking. Most make the mistake of thinking that they can talk a woman into giving them sex.
My homie Roger, the star of the “Do The Work” blog entry had this say via text:
“Man a lot of dudes esp. PUA’s approach women like it’s sales. Overcoming objections with words. Engaging a woman’s mind is useless. Even if she gives you the pussy it won’t be good cause she’s battling in her head.”
What Roger is saying is that though a woman may be socially attracted to a man she may not be sexually attracted. Now Roger has read my books, Nice Guys and Players and Sexual Chemistry and has had the benefit of talking with me for years. He understands the concept of a woman’s social face being different from her sexual face. A man cannot appeal to a woman’s sexual face through logic and contrary to popular opinion through emotions. A woman’s sexual face is dominated by her vagina. A woman’s vagina makes her sexual decisions for her and is RATIONALIZED by her logic, emotions, and other SOCIAL considerations.
Consider the following scenario starring Dexter Goodbar. The title of this scenario is, “So Who’s Your Friend?”
Dexter Goodbar went to a private party at a hotel with some friends of his, John, Rob, and Frank. Rob called the party a “Beautiful People Party.” The attendees were primarily young, professional African-American men and women. Most of the men were dressed up in suits with fresh haircuts and confident demeanors. They gave off “Alpha Male” vibes. The women were dressed in sexy dresses and looking like they were fashion models. Dexter Goodbar was dressed in a simple shirt and slacks and quite frankly needed a shape up. All eyes were on the fellas as they walked into the party. John, Rob, and Frank immediately picked out women to strike up conversations with. Dexter headed over to the buffet table, got some buffalo wings and found a table in the corner to sit down and eat.
John approached a petite young lady who introduced herself as Pamela. They talked for a bit about their jobs and the vibe of the party.
“I’ve been having a good time so far,” Pamela smiled.
John looked Pamela up and down, “You look like you’re having a good time. I’m enjoying the party already.”
“I saw you walk in with a group of brothas. Y’all turned a lot of heads.”
“Yeah we’re looking good,” John said smugly thinking that Pamela was feeling him.
Pamela looked toward the corner where Dexter was sitting and asked John. “So who’s your friend?”
Rob was on the floor dancing with Barbara. Barbara was a curvy sista with big breasts, small waist, and big booty and legs. Rob focused intently on Barbara as they danced. Barbara however seemed to be constantly looking past Rob. After the song finished they walked off the floor. Rob told her about his job, his future plans, his education, and the home he just bought. Barbara responded politely but didn’t say much letting Rob talk. Rob finished talking about himself and asked Barbara about her goals and ambitions.
“Nothing special. Just getting my masters,” Barbara responded. “That guy you walked in with. What’s his name?”
“Which guy?” Rob asked, slightly annoyed, thinking she was talking about John or Frank.
“That one over there in the corner eating the chicken wings.” Barbara pointed to Dexter. “So who’s your friend?”
Frank chatted up Alicia, a slim sista with a pretty face, while they were in line getting some food. The conversation was going well in Frank’s eyes. She seemed like she was interested. They got their food and looked around for a place to sit. Every table had a group of people except for Dexter’s table where he was by himself. Alicia started walking towards the table without saying anything to Frank. Frank caught up with her.
“So you want to sit over here in the corner?” Frank asked.
“Yeah, I don’t think he will mind,” Alicia answered as they walked towards the table.
“He shouldn’t. I know the brotha,” Frank said reluctantly.
“Really? So who’s your friend?” Alicia asked a little too cheerfully as her pace quickened.
Dexter didn’t get invited to anymore parties with the fellas.
This scenario illustrates a very important point. John, Rob, and Frank were SOCIAL alpha males. They were young, in shape, dressed sharply, and very confident. These traits appeal to women socially. The women in the scenario were turned on by Dexter sexually. Dexter appealed to their SEXUAL faces.
The true player’s “game” is very simple. He pays attention to the women around him and looks for clues that a particular woman is turned on sexually by him. Few people have an understanding of how the true player operates. They will see the true player talking to a woman and will see that she is definitely interested in seeing him naked. They will observe his behavior and then try to mimic his actions. For example some guys at a bar may see a true player rub a woman’s wrist while talking with her. The woman is responding visibly. The guys will then try the same thing on different women and fail miserably. See the true player didn’t turn on the woman by rubbing her wrist. She was turned on sexually when she first laid eyes on him.
One of, if not, the biggest myths about women is that they are not turned on visually by a man. Popular belief suggests that women are turned on by a man’s intelligence, resources, and how he makes them feel emotionally. These attributes appeal to a woman’s SOCIAL face. The woman’s SEXUAL face doesn’t care about all of that. The woman’s sexual face is LOOKING for a man to make her vagina tingle. When a woman sees a man she considers sexually appealing not only does her pupils dilate but her cervix as well. A woman can literally have an orgasm just by looking at a man. Sometimes a man with an intense stare can look a woman in her eyes and make her moan. Ask me how I know.
The woman’s sexual face doesn’t want the man’s car, house, job, or status. The woman’s sexual face wants the man’s body to fuck the shit out of her. The sexual face wants that raw, primal, scream at the top of the lungs, lose consciousness, speak in tongues, levitate off the bed type of fucking. Not make love with rose petals and soft music playing in the background. That’s more of a social thing. That primal thing is a physical thing. It doesn’t speak and quite frankly because of the suppression of female sexuality in most cultures, the average woman isn’t aware of her sexual face. They think their social face represents their sexual nature.
Until they run into somebody like Dexter Goodbar.
That’s why you will have a woman who is in a happy stable marriage in an upper middle class neighborhood all of a sudden run off to live with a man in a seedy neighborhood in an abandoned home. That man appealed to the woman’s sexual face.
Now two types of men generally appeal to a woman’s sexual face. All women have individual preferences but if a man has one of two things going for him he will generally have more women than he knows what to do with. The first thing is a good body. People like to say that biggest sex organ is the brain meaning that imagination and creativity make sex enjoyable. That’s a social thing with people who are sexually repressed. Sex is a physical thing. A man can have rose petals, music, chocolate, give massages, and even eat the pussy. For the actual act of intercourse the woman has to be physically be comfortable with the idea of this man on top of her, under her, and behind her. She has to physically want to have sex with the man. This is more about the body than the face. Many otherwise handsome men have trouble getting women unless they have money and status as well.
Now the type of body depends on a woman’s preference. In general women are turned on by muscular bodies. A man who builds his muscles will always improve his chances to women. Now some men aren’t as muscular but they have a body type that turns on a particular woman. I have a friend I’ll call Sabrina. Now Sabrina is a big girl about five-nine, size 16 but shapely. She doesn’t have a fat stomach. Her man, Donny, is six-seven over three hundred fifty solid pounds. Sabrina and I were talking one day and I said, “Yeah you got that big, hominy grit eating muthafucka because you need somebody who can flip your phat ass over in bed.” Sabrina busted out laughing and gave me a high five. All women have a physical body type that get them open sexually. The only real issue is that that the man who is sexually appealing to a woman is rarely the man who is socially appealing.
Think on this one.
Now there are a minority of men who turn women on sexually but not because they have great bodies. These men are extremely rare. Women don’t get turned on by the bodies on these men. These men get sex because for whatever reason they can appeal to a woman’s sexual face. These men have sexual charisma. I’ll use myself as an example. I worked in an office job back in the day. I had that Clark Kent thing going. I wore big glasses and plain clothes to work. I had a co-worker I’ll call Lauren. Now Lauren was a self-professed gold-digger. The type that was known by the pro athletes in DC. Now I had a good body build but not like a pro-athlete and I certainly didn’t have their money. It got back to me that Lauren said this about me, “Rom looks like a nerd but I betcha he can fuck.” Many women will look at an otherwise plain man and get turned on.
The true player has mastered the art of paying attention to a woman. The true player rarely does a cold approach on a woman. He looks for signs that she is sexually interested. One thing I have always done is pay attention to how a woman looks at me. There is a look that I can’t describe, or teach men to look for, when women is turned on by a man. A man has to experience this look for himself. This look may last only a second but a woman shows her sexual face in that second. The true player recognizes the look and acts accordingly if he finds her attractive as well.
Many men call themselves players and use status, money, and good conversation to get women. They think it works. Really it’s irrelevant. Women make a decision when they first lay eyes on a man as to whether he is potentially a sex partner. At this point a man can only blow his chances. Many men blow it by talking too damn much. Many men focus on developing the wrong things to attract women. Any man who wants more women needs to focus on building their body and their sexual charisma. Everything else is just extras.