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Big Rom Remix: Acculturated Prostitution

11/29/2015

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The following blog was originally published back in February 2015.   It addressed an issue that is having a major effect on male/female relationships.

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            In my books and blogs I talk about different categories of men and how they relate to women.   For the most part women agree with the characterizations.   There have been many occasions when a woman has offered even more categories.   Some of these women will also complain about the games that men play in order to get sex.   Okay that’s cool.   The only issue I have with this is that many women try to come off as if they are innocent actors in the world of sexual politics.  

            Yeah right.

            Women got their stuff too.   I would even argue that with that thing called Game the average woman runs circles around most men.   As I raise my sons I’ll probably spend more time teaching them how to spot a woman’s games than I do on showing them how to get a woman.   Though there are several games women play there is one game that women run that is actually socially acceptable.   That game is Acculturated Prostitution.

            I was first introduced the term by Master Yao Nyamekye Morris in his landmark book, Amanmere.   Acculturated prostitution is a socially acceptable form of prostitution.   The acculturated prostitute isn’t out on a corner wearing sexually provocative clothing taking money from men in return for sexual favors.    Indeed most acculturated prostitutes will get highly offended if a man offered them money right up front.   The game of the acculturated prostitute is to use her sex appeal to get favors from men.   Sometimes she will imply that she will sleep with the man if he pays her bills.   She may sleep with a man if he takes her to a fancy restaurant.   On a job the acculturated prostitute will use sex appeal to get a raise or a favorable work assignment.   Female servers at restaurants may use their sex appeal to get bigger tips from men.   I actually know women who were instructed to be extra friendly to male customers.  These are the most subtle examples.

            The more blatant acculturated prostitutes are the gold diggers and the sugar babies.   There is a whole subculture of women who focus on getting a professional athlete.   These women will know more about a superstar athlete than the most hardcore fan.   They also know the travel schedule and hotel accommodations of these men.   Quiet as it kept certain professions such as Wall Street Traders have groupies.    As far as sugar babies there are websites that openly connect young women with older wealthy men.   I find it interesting in that many people will have a moral issue with men paying for sex with street walkers, in brothels, or engaging in sex tourism.   Yet the same people are silent on the acculturated prostitution that goes on around them all the time.    The sex tourist, the John, the horny supervisor, and the rich athlete are all paying for female companionship.

            Indeed with the acculturated prostitute she will stand up in a public forum and say that a man has to have a certain amount of money to have the pleasure of her companionship.   This man could be extremely intelligent, have a great moral character, be very responsible, and have a sense of humor.   Yet many women will reject this man because he makes a modest income.   The bad part is we accept that as a culture.  

            I remember I went on a date with a woman back in the nineties.    I half-jokingly said something about going Dutch to gage her thinking.   This woman stopped smiling and said that she would be offended if a man didn’t spend money on her.   I nodded my head and said, “Okay that’s fair.  Would you be offended if the man after he spent money on you told you to get on your knees and suck his dick?”   She got real quiet then.   We didn’t discuss money anymore after that.   I’ve known many women who have slept with a man not because he was sexy but because he spent money on them.    Yet those same women will complain about men going to places like Brazil for sex tourism.

            I’m bringing this up because in the media there is so much focus on the actions of men and what we are doing wrong in relationships.  I was on a panel discussing relationships back in the nineties.   A woman in the audience stood up with much attitude, pointed her finger at me, and complained that men were always throwing money at women.   She wanted to know why men did that.   I looked at her very calmly and said, “Because y’all take the money.”   After the forum three women came up to me privately and told me how they got money from men.   These weren’t women who dressed like strippers or ratchets.   These women looked like church ladies.   

            The problem with acculturated prostitution is twofold.  One, it creates dysfunctional relationships.   An acculturated prostitute doesn’t have to develop her character.   She only needs to maintain her shape and ability to pick out clothes to make her butt look real nice.   She’s not looking for a partnership, she’s looking for a sponsor.    It’s a business arrangement.   Yet many acculturated prostitutes will go on national television and wonder how come they can’t find a “good man.”    I personally think that the real reason many American women complain about men going to places like Brazil or the Dominican Republic is that these men won’t spend money on them.   Indeed, I’ve listened to the complaints of Black women about Black men who dated interracially.   I’ve never heard a complaint about losing a Black man with good character to a white woman.  The complaint always centers on a “white woman getting that brotha’s money.”

            A bigger problem with acculturated prostitution is that it turns men into tricks.   There are thousands of dating coaches, seduction gurus, relationship workshops, websites, and blogs that provide information and advice to men for the express purpose of getting women.   Most men don’t feel like doing all of that.    Let’s get raw.  A man knows that if he got enough money he can get pussy from an attractive woman.   Many men will simply go straight to a prostitute.   Other men through experience will discover that many women on the dating landscape are acculturated prostitutes.  Why should a man develop his character?   Why should he be respectable?  In some cases why even be law abiding?   Anyone who really knows the drug game knows that many boys turn to drug dealing because the money attracts beautiful girls.   Instead of honor and integrity men focus on getting money by any means necessary.

            I addressed acculturated prostitution because many people are looking for solutions to the relationship problem out there.   It would be trite for me to say that women should stop the practice of acculturated prostitution.   It’s just one symptom of a bigger problem.   The only real change comes when we start looking at issues realistically and start thinking about how we are contributing to the issue.   Men complain about “Thots” and yet many will pay the utility bills of a sexy woman.   Women complain when men call them hoes but will talk trash about a man who cannot afford to take them to an expensive seafood restaurant.   Popular songs are even made about broke men.

            Acculturated prostitution is just one issue we need to seriously examine if we really want functional relationships.




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Nice Guys and Players in a Nutshell

11/22/2015

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            Back in the nineties, I was vending at an event in a popular DC restaurant and nightclub.  While I was there I passed out a survey to many old and young women.   The survey required the women to read a statement and then answer a question.   The statement described a man who was handsome, muscular, educated, and had money.   The question to the women was what they would do with such a man.   The older women looked at the question and said things like get to know him and treat him with respect.   An interesting thing happened with the younger women.  Not a single one answered the question.  I saw one of the women just sit down and stare at the survey.    I thought about their reactions and searched for reasons why they would respond this way.   The search for solutions eventually led to the publication of my book, Nice Guys and Players (NGAP).

            The problem is that most men and women think in “either/or” terms with regard to how men are categorized.   They think that a man can only be a Nice Guy or a Player but not both.   A popular concept in certain male-dominated circles is “Alpha Fux, Beta Bux.”   This line of thinking says that women will have their sexual adventures with tall good looking Alpha males but when it comes time to marry they seek Beta males as stable financial providers.   This isn’t theory.  This something anybody with a little bit of common sense sees happening all the time.   How many women have had wild uninhibited sex with pretty boys and jocks when they were young, in some cases having their babies, and then end up with an average looking dude who has a steady job?   Some women even marry the Average Joe and still hook up with the Fine Man every now and then.    It doesn’t have to be this way.   Who says a man can’t be an Alpha who fux and a Beta with bux?   A man can be both a Nice Guy AND a Player.

            When I was selling my book at expos and other vending events I had the same basic sales pitch.   I would say that, “Women like the Nice Guy because he’s supportive emotionally but he doesn’t turn them on sexually.  Women like the Player sexually but he has five other women.  The ideal man for a woman has the supportive traits of a Nice Guy but can turn on a woman like a Player.”   Women and Players got the concept right away.   They were my biggest customers.  Selling the book to Nice Guys and men who thought they had game was like pulling teeth.   I’ve actually got into arguments with Nice Guys to the point I was ready to go to their jaws.   These Nice Guys couldn’t conceive that a man could be everything to a woman.  It’s very possible though.  I don’t write theories.  Every single thing I’ve written in my books is something I’ve observed in the real world.   I’ll share some examples.

            I’ve spent a lot of time in gyms both as a member and as an employee.   As such I’ve got to know a lot of men.   Also in my former corporate life my social circle consisted primarily of educated professionals with post graduate degrees.   I’ve known several men who women described as handsome, these men were muscular, athletic as I played ball with some of them, and were sexually appealing to women.   The women these men had as wives, girlfriends, and lovers, were straight Dimes.   At the same time these men were high earning attorneys, doctors, and business owners.   I knew one dude who could dominate pickup basketball game, then bench press 400 lbs., go visit his beautiful girlfriend, and the next morning prepare for an important court case.

            Too many men limit themselves.   The key is being holistic.   If a man really reads my books without looking for some type of technique to pick up women they will see I give them the keys to the kingdom.   Everything comes down to developing both the mind and the body.   Most people who read my books see that I emphasize developing the body.   What most people don’t see is that I also talk about developing the mind as well.   I saw a negative review of NGAP that tried to make fun of me saying that men need to read more books.   The reviewer thought he was being slick but really he was an idiot.   The point of reading is to introduce ideas to the mind which will develop a person’s thinking.   Personally to keep my mind sharp I like reading books which challenged my belief systems.   Sometimes my thinking would change on a particular subject, and sometimes my stance would become stronger.   The thing is my mind gets the same level of exercise as my body.

            I don’t see any reason why a man cannot be a Nice Guy AND a Player.   I’ve known men who developed into both.  I’ve known men who were good guy, do right types who changed their luck with women simply because they developed muscular bodies and changed their wardrobe.   When I used to have a bookstand years ago, men who were straight up, true to the game Thugs would buy out the books I had that dealt with history, religion, and holistic living.   These men became even more appealing to women as a result.

            In a nutshell, if a man wants not just women but a fulfilling life where he is living his purpose he must strive every day to develop both his mind and his body.   He has become both the Alpha who fux and the Beta with bux.  He must become both a Nice Guy AND a Player.

                  

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Incompatibility and Unrealistic Expectations

11/15/2015

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          The following is a chapter from my latest book, "A Player's Eyes."   The title was based on a book I read back in the early nineties called "In Search of Goodpussy" by Don Spears.   Check it out and really think about what I'm saying.     

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          One of the first relationship books I read back in the day was by a gentleman named Don Spears.   The book was called, “In Search of Goodpussy.”   Yeah that was the title.   The gist of the book was about how men, particularly Black men, were looking for love in their relationships.   Don Spears covered a lot of issues that are still relevant today even though his book was published in 1991.   One chapter was entitled, “Incompatibility and Unrealistic Expectations.”  In that chapter he said the biggest reasons relationships fail is that the two people were incompatible with each other and that they had unrealistic expectations that such a relationship would work.   Let’s look at the unrealistic expectation piece first.

            The biggest single problem in male/female relationships is that most people are not realistic in searching for a mate.   You have plain looking, average shaped women with boring personalities thinking they can get a top tier male.   These women will not only reject men who are more in their league as far as looks and personality but they will do so with an attitude.   Even when they manage to hook up with a Select Man in most cases they are not really compatible.   Bomb sex doesn’t mean that two people need to be together outside the bedroom.   Dude could just have that good dick which he shares with five other women.   Yet Plain Jane thinks its love when she is really just a cool booty call.   Then when Plain Jane realizes that Mr. Goodbar doesn’t love her all men become dogs until she starts to swoon in the arms of another sexy dude.  

            The bad part in all of this is that her Plain Jane girlfriends will encourage her in this.  They know their girl don’t look good in those yoga pants and that she should stop doing her own hair.   They will be the main ones saying that pretty boy don’t know what he’s missing out on.   Her girlfriends ain’t being honest with her because they want to believe they can get a rich pretty boy too.

            The irony is that Plain Jane will have an Average Joe who is feeling her basic looking self, even with the muffin top.  She can even be in a relationship with him.  Average Joe treats her well, holds her hand in public, and is even decent in bed.   Of course her jealous girlfriends start getting in her ear about how she could do better.   Average Joe is just a regular looking dude who could stand to lose some weight and needs to buy clothes from places other than a discount store.  Plus her girlfriends are jealous that Jane has a man at all as no one is blowing up their phones or liking their pictures on social media.   Jane starts listening to her girlfriends and kicks Average Joe to the curb for some minor shit.   Story don’t end there though.

            Few women will kick a man to the curb without having another man in mind.   Jane has been checking out this tall muscular dude she has been seeing around the mall where she works, Dexter Goodbar.   Dude starts being friendly to Jane after she had said hi to him every time she saw him for a month.  Her sexual interest shows all over her face so Dexter marks her for sex somewhere down the road.   Jane, being in her fantasy world thinks she has a chance so after getting rid of Average Joe she fixes her hair a bit and starts wearing body shaping garments under her clothes.  She even shops for new outfits and finally joins a gym.   Dexter takes notice and gives her his number.  She blows up his phone and friends him on social media.   They eventually have sex after he invites her over to chill.   They go hot and heavy for a month before he decides to kick her to the curb.   A Dime made herself available to him and he didn’t want to be seen in public with Jane anyway.  

            Plain Jane goes into depression because she realized that she was just a sex toy for Goodbar as he never went out with her.   To add to that depression she finds out that Average Joe is now going out with one of the women who told her to get rid of Average Joe to begin with.   The problem was Plain Jane wasn’t realistic as to who she was and the type of man she could actually get.

            It’s just as bad for men.   There are many Non-Select men who can probably get a decent woman.   That woman will not be a Dime though.   For every woman who is insistent on getting an A-1 man there is a woman who has enough common sense to be good with an Average Joe.   Thing is, many Average Joes don’t want those women.   Dude is plain-looking or even ugly.   He isn’t tall, doesn’t have an athletic body, and has very little style as far as dressing.   His personality is dull.   Yet many of these men because they have a steady job with decent pay think they should get a Dime.   Not just a Dime but a Dime who will fuck them like a pornstar.   I’ve heard numerous Average Joes articulate this in one form or another.  

            These men don’t seem to grasp that a beautiful woman who is good at sex will want a similar man.   A woman know she got a pretty face, firm breasts, a small waist, and a phat round ass.   Good genes gave her the face and three hours in the gym, six days a week gave her the body.   Her hard work on her job supplemented by men with big credit limits paid for her hair and tight dresses.  The fuck will this Dime want with some homely, pudgy, or skinny dude who can’t engage her in a stimulating conversation?   There are some men who honestly think a Dime wants a fucked up looking dude humping her for three minutes.   A Dime more so than a Plain Jane wants Mr. Goodbar.   The more a woman is in good physical shape especially internally the more she will be aroused by a man with a great body.  

            Many Average Joes, Good Guys, Nerdy Guys, and Gamesmen think they have a real chance with a Dime.   It’s easier to lie to themselves instead of doing the work necessary to become desirable.   After the Non-Select men get rejected for the umpteenth time they either withdraw from the game or take to the Internet where they can call women bitches and thots.  

            The problem comes down to people not staying in their lane.   Many men and women want that ideal figure as opposed to the person they can actually get.   So many men and women are chasing unicorns and then get depressed when they don’t find that special person.   It’s not that the person don’t exist, it’s just that the person may not look like someone’s romantic ideal on the surface.   I’m not saying go for someone who is physically unattractive to you.   It’s just that often when people are chasing Dexter Goodbar or Julie Dime they pass over decent people right in their midst.   People who are not only decent looking but have compatible personalities.  

            So many people out here are looking for surface shit.   Thing is being attracted to the outer shell is normal and necessary in a balanced relationship.   Notice I said balanced.   Fuck political correctness, a person needs to like to look at their mates.   The problem is that people put so much stock in the outer that they miss the inner.   That’s why a lot of men and women get burned.   You might like a person’s face and body but what if that person practices a value system that is in opposition to your own?   The physical aspect of the relationship will be good for a few months but problems will occur once the value systems and personalities start to show themselves.

            I’ve known several Dimes in my life.   Some were compatible to my personality and some were not.   It didn’t make anyone bad but any relationship with the incompatible women beyond sex would have caused me mental anguish.   So many men chase these incompatible women anyway.   Yeah they look good to family and friends but behind closed doors many men are getting their asses kicked emotionally.   I’ve had men tell me the vile shit some women did to them and they would always end the conversation with, “she had a phat ass though.”

            I’ve known a few extremely handsome men in my life.   It would seem like they had it made.  Nope they got their foul shit too.   I’ve not only known these men, I’ve known their women as well.   The women found out the hard way that all that glitters is not gold.   Piercing eyes and a pretty smile have fucked up many a woman’s head.   The problem was that women didn’t think in terms of compatibility.   A handsome man making a woman laugh is just that, a handsome man making a woman laugh.   If a man look good enough he could say “poo poo” in a monotone voice and the woman will think it’s the funniest and sexiest thing she has ever heard.   A muscular body can make a man a comic genius to a horny woman.   This doesn’t speak to whether they are compatible yet a woman will think they are right for each other.  

            Ultimately people need to balance how they choose a mate.   First they have to be realistic.  If a man is 5’7”, twenty pounds overweight, with an average face, and sporadic employment history it would be unrealistic for him to think that a 5’11” Dime with a killer body and high paying job is going to want him.   The woman who might feel him may be plain looking with extra weight around her stomach.   Thing is she is shorter than him and will tolerate his inability to keep a steady job as long as he treats her right.  She even thinks he’s cute.

            If a woman is plain faced, slim, without any curves or breasts, and dull personality it isn’t realistic to think she’ll get a tall muscular man with money and charisma.   Only in poorly written romance novels does this happen.   If she does get such a man he will likely use her to do things sexually his girlfriend or wife doesn’t want to do.   The best man for this woman is someone who likes slim and quiet women who may be average looking with a modest income and equally dull personality.
​
            Bottom line is that people have to have realistic expectations of potential mates and they have to be compatible.
 
​

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Big Rom Replay:  All About Sex

11/8/2015

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        The following was originally published on November 20, 2013.  It was an excerpt from an unpublished manuscript I have called "Being Mr. Goodbar."   One thing I've observed in relationship discussions is that people want to talk about everything except sex.  The issue is that sex and the quality of that sex is a major reason why a relationship succeeds or fails.  There are always other issues of course but if people were to be honest they would say that sex played a major role.    Check out the excerpt and let me know what you think.

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         Why do women cheat on hardworking and devoted men?  Why do men and women defy custom and mores to couple with someone whose skin color contrasts sharply with theirs?  Why do my Brethren and I get the attention we do?

       It’s all about sex baby.

         Women are not casting sideways glances at men of handsome faces and buffed bodies while walking with their devoted mates because they think these pretty men are dependable workers who will faithfully keep a roof over their heads.  They are not thinking this sexy man will support their dreams and aspirations.  These women have their husbands for that.  No they want something more primal as they lustfully eye the men with confident strides and sexy smiles.

        We really don’t talk about sexuality in relationships.  The psychologists, sociologists, therapists, and talk show hosts will talk around sexuality, as if it is incidental to the maintenance of a relationship.  They will say that the couple just needs more communication, more time to talk about their goals together, and a respect for each other.  What somebody needs to ask is if the couple has a fulfilling sex life.

         Even the so-called experts who do discuss sexually do so in a clinical way or one tainted by religious bias.  I recall one such book by someone of national renown.  This person listed what a woman needed to be satisfied by a man.  Listening and washing the dishes were among the items listed as well as being treated nice.  I laughed out loud while browsing this book in the store.  The listed items were the specialties of the Nice Guy.  If this was what was needed for satisfaction the sexual hierarchy would be flipped on its head as the Nice Guy with his intellectual and sensitive veneer would be the object of desire for the masses of female humanity and Mr. Goodbar would be the one at home sexually frustrated while watching the latest straight-to-video DVD.

      As a society we are not publicly comfortable with a woman’s sexual needs.  The causes of this discomfort stem from socio-religious-political indoctrination formulated in many cases by men in power who were uncomfortable with their own sexuality.  That’s why we see so many boyish looking fashion models and not the voluptuous paradigm of a generation ago.

     In the surface world we put women on the pedestal of chaste perfection while we vilify the woman who is comfortable with her sexual desires and is blatant in their assertion.

      Damn, no wonder things are so crazy.  On one hand we tell the women to be chaste and pure and on the other hand we use the power of a woman’s sexuality to sell everything from toothpaste to outdoor grills.  It’s in this contradiction, this duality, which the shadow world exists.


       Women are not the only ones affected as many men buy into the illusions and suppress their sexuality to the point that once they get into a relationship they cannot satisfy their women.  After being left high and dry for the umpteenth time, these women become susceptible to the lure of Mr. Goodbar. A major reason Mr. Goodbar gets the women, to put it into the vernacular of those of less poetic sentimentality: he knows how to hit it.

      The sexual needs of the average woman are not met.   Their greatest complaint being that they don’t feel the rush of orgasmic pleasure.  Their men don’t make them feel good.  Many women seek a substitute for that elusive pleasure.  Some get high from shopping for items they have little or no use for.  Many others flock to church to get the spirit, as it becomes an abstract substitute for the pleasure they lack in their mundane world.

       Others are of a more pragmatic disposition as they flock to dark clubs to be entertained by the gyrations of muscular men inducing erotic trances with their sexually provocative and rhythmic movements.  Others are more discreet, settling for an occasional rendezvous with the smooth skinned man in the office two doors down as he kisses her neck and rubs her round posterior.  Sometimes that’s all she needs as she straightens her skirt, and sits back at her desk and calls her husband to ask what does he want for dinner.

         Is a rush of pleasure too much for a woman to ask for? Is carnal fulfillment something reserved for men?  Women need to get theirs too.  There needs to be a greater discussion about sexuality and not pretend it’s not significant.  Until this is done the problems stemming from bad relationships will continue to rise and Mr. Goodbar will continue to have his way.










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Video: A Player's Eyes Promo

11/1/2015

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