I wrote the following blog back in April 2014. In this blog I first introduced the character of "Dexter Goodbar." "Dexter" helps me to illustrate important points. In this particular blog I talked about a reality that people see but don't publically acknowledge. That reality is that many women will leave a good man but because they want to save face will not simply say, "I made a mistake." Many women are invested in the idea of being strong and being right. All they are really hurting is themselves. I wish I had a dime every time a woman told me about a man from their past that they wished they had either got with, or had never left. Of course they say this privately. Many of the women who complain publically about a "shortage of good men" know they had one at one time and blew it through their own behavior. Ironically the same "Patriarchy" that many women, particularly Feminists, complain about allows women to run from accountability for their actions. It's easier to blame the man but in all cases there are two sides to a story.
In terms of Raw Game there is a ton of it in this blog. Read this one with a third eye open.
Where are the good men?” This is a universal question asked by millions of women. Whether in the news media, social media, living rooms, beauty salons, or bars, women want to find the good men. Men usually answer by saying, “I’m right here.” Of course many women don’t agree with the men. When you think about it there is a whole industry devoted to the concept that women have trouble finding “good men.” There is another angle to this that is rarely discussed publically. The angle is that many women will have a “good man” and leave the relationship.
Now understand where I’m coming from when I say women will leave a good man. I’m not talking about a woman leaving some boring man or an abusive asshole, both of whom consider themselves good men. I’m talking about women leaving men they consider to be Mr. Right. The women will have a great relationship and think highly of their men. The women will be happy. There will be minor problems that come up because both parties are human but nothing that can’t be worked out. Thing is, though the couple can be happy, there are outside forces that can destroy a good relationship. Let me give y’all a scenario based on real-life conversations and experiences I’ve had with hundreds of women and scores of men.
Freddy and Linda Doright have been married for five years with a young daughter. Everything is good in their marriage for the most part. They don’t have the same excitement they had while dating but they still have a good time together. There are some things that could be improved. Freddy could be a little more romantic in Linda’s eyes. Instead of communicating this with him she talks with her girlfriends, Betty, April, and Doreen. Her girlfriends are all single and have a tendency to bash men.
So they start getting in Linda's ear. They magnify everything Freddy isn’t doing right. After a few months, they collectively tell Linda, “girl you deserve better.” Now Freddy is a hard worker, handsome, nice body, and committed to being a one-woman man. The sex life is even good. Yeah they could go out more but Linda never expresses her desire to do so. Freddy thinks everything is cool.
After listening to her girlfriends, Linda starts holding back on sex and minor things become major arguments. After one major argument she tells Freddy he needs to leave. So Freddy moves out and now they are separated. Her girlfriends come over to console her. After a few weeks they come over to take her on a “girl’s night out.” So they’re at the club having a good time and then HE walks up. Dexter. Dexter Goodbar. Six foot, handsome, almond eyes, muscular, a stylish dresser, with a sexy walk. Linda and her girlfriends had been checking out Dexter as he erotically danced with a woman on the dance floor. Dexter sees that he has been chosen and thus makes his move.
Dexter starts spitting that smooth game with that sexy voice. Getting Linda wet as he hits her with a verbal aphrodisiac and a piercing gaze. Next thing you know Linda is going home with Dexter. They get to his place and Linda says, “You know I usually don’t do this.” Dexter looks at Linda, grabs her hand, pulls her to him and kisses her fiercely. Next thing you know the clothes are off and Dexter is doing her. Not just doing her but doing her…WELL. Linda has several orgasms
After a month of sex with Dexter, Linda decides to file for divorce. She’s convinced she’s found her soulmate. She files the papers and tells Dexter.
Linda: I’ve filed for divorce from my husband. We can be together now.
Dexter: Together? Who told you it was like that?
Linda: We have something special together. I want to be with you.
Dexter: You better get out of here with that shit. I just wanted some pussy. Don’t get me wrong, you suck a mean ass dick but my other women got skills too.
Linda: I thought I was the only one?
Dexter: I ain’t never tell you that. You need to get your shit and go.
Linda: Just like that?
Dexter: Yeah just like that.
Linda leaves Dexter’s place feeling depressed and humiliated. She is consoled by her girlfriends, April and Doreen. She thinks she made a mistake in filing for a divorce. She thinks she should try to reconcile with Freddy. While talking with April and Doreen, Linda asks about Betty. They say that Betty has pulled away from them lately. They are not sure what’s going on with her. So where’s Betty? Hmmmm.
While Dexter had Linda’s ankles up by her head, Freddy was at his small place trying to make sense of everything. All he was doing was going to work and coming home sleeping. One day he is on a social media site and he gets a private message from Betty. She asks how he is doing. He said he’s making it. Betty said it’s too bad what’s happened and that Freddy is a good man. Ironically Betty was the main one telling Linda she needed to leave Freddy. They message each other a few more times and then talk on the phone. Betty calls him one day and asks if she can come over for a few minutes because his apartment is on the way to an appointment she has. Freddy without thinking says, “Yeah sure.”
A few hours later Freddy hears a knock on his door, when he answers it he sees a stunning sight. Betty is standing at his door with a short black dress on that shows off her perky breasts, hugs her round ass, and showcases her shapely legs. She has her hair done and some four inch heels. On top of that she is holding a plate of food talking about Freddy would appreciate a home cooked meal. Freddy takes the plate to the kitchen and when he gets back to the living room Betty has made herself at home on the couch. Freddy sits on the couch with her. Betty crosses her legs in Freddy’s direction revealing just enough thigh to make a normally reasonable man stupid. Game over.
Actually it was game over when she was standing at the door with the plate of food.
A few weeks later Linda stops by to surprise Freddy and to talk about reconciling. Linda gets the surprise though when Betty answers the door in a silk bathrobe. In one moment Linda realizes she lost a good man.
This scenario is based on conversations I’ve had with the Freddy’s and Linda’s of the world. I’ve had a WHOLE lot of conversations with the Betty’s of the world. Scandalous women like and trust me for some reason. It’s probably why I have a great understanding of women. But I digress. That’s another blog.
See many women will have a good man and not even know they have a good man. Many women out here may excel at their careers and have a lot of book smarts but will lack street smarts. Many women grow up sheltered and may not have any significant contact with men until they are young adults and out in the world. They didn’t run the streets. They weren’t going to parties. Many went through high school without a boyfriend. They were usually the awkward girls, the ugly ducklings, the late bloomers, the nerdy girls. They weren’t the party girls who have been sexually active since the age of ten and who ironically enough know a good man because they have a lot of experience with the bad ones.
Many women will get married or in a relationship without having a lot of contact with men. I don’t just mean sexual contact but contact period. Many women don’t even have male friends or even male cousins around to truly learn about the male species. So they really don’t have enough experience to know they got something good on their hands. An old school player told me when I was a teenager that he would rather marry a woman who has been with thirty men than one who has been with only two. His reasoning was that the woman who has been only two men would at some point get the urge to cheat because she would always wonder what she is missing out on. Whereas the woman who had thirty men knows most men aren’t for her and would truly appreciate a good man.
Only a true player understands that wisdom. I learned the game from street cats and hustlers. Men who could read a person better than a psychologist because their lives depended on it. Keep in mind many Pimps end up marrying their top prostitute.
In the scenario Linda’s marriage was wrecked by her “friends.” Many women think the women they have around them have their best interest at heart. Women are very competitive with each other and very bitchy. Many women will sabotage their “friend’s” relationship because they hate to see another woman happy. Jealousy is a beast. Women will say they don’t have a lot of female friends for this reason.
Another factor is that you have women who have no problem going after the husband or boyfriend of one of their friends. In fact, some women are so bad with this that you could introduce them a single man who has everything going for him but they will reject him. Yet the man becomes desirable the second he’s seen with a woman. Every single woman needs to take any advice about their man from another woman with a grain of salt.
Then there’s the Dexter factor. Most women don’t get a chance to get with that physically attractive man oozing sex appeal. There are women who had good men who provided for them and satisfied them sexually. The women would tell me they had good men and tell me how good they were. Then all of sudden that smooth man with the big chest and soothing voice walks into the scene and it’s game over. There is a sub-population of men who have that type of sex appeal. Women meet these men and their common sense goes out the door. Some women have enough sense to limit their interaction with a Dexter to a fling. Many women however think there’s something more there and leave a good man thinking there’s a future with Dexter. Of course they get their feelings hurt when they realize they were just a warm body to satisfy Dexter’s lustful nature. A few women are lucky enough to get back with their men. Most lose out because the Bettys swoop in to get that man.
Straight up, many women need to stop complaining about a shortage of good men. Many women know they had a good man and they blew it by listening to their jealous girlfriends. They know they blew something good because they wanted to chase Mr. Goodbar.
Someone without street smarts may question everything I wrote. When I tell somebody something, or post something on a message board, or text somebody some deep knowledge I will often say, “Ask me how I know.” There’s some women who knew me in the early nineties. They worked in the adult entertainment industry. If they see my picture on the internet or run into me they won’t call me Rom. They’ll call me Dexter.