There are millions of men looking for ways to improve their relationship experiences with women. A whole subculture/industry has developed around seduction gurus, dating coaches, bloggers, and websites. It’s proven to be financially lucrative for many men and some women as well. Thing I’m seeing though is that men don’t seem to be getting better in their interactions with women. In my personal view things are getting worse. I don’t say this lightly. I’m one of those men who will dig deep and ask a lot of personal questions if I’m trying to find the solution to a problem. Many men quite simply are failing to connect with women despite the resources out there. That’s because there is a real issue with how these resources are shared.
See men are really just copying the styles and techniques of their coaches and gurus and not developing their own thing. The men aren’t being authentic and true to themselves. For example one man may take a seminar where the instructor says to approach 100 women a week. The man thinks this is a good idea because the he has seen videos of the instructor successfully approaching and even kissing women in the street. So the man takes notes and a few days later goes out and approaches as many women as possible and is harshly rejected most of the time and the few phone numbers he gets are from women who simply wanted him out of their faces. The man can’t figure out what went wrong.
Another man may not go to a dating seminar or even bother reading books. He believes that as long as he works hard, has money, and shows a willingness to be a good provider women should find him attractive. He gets frustrated when he sees women with lazy thugs who can’t afford their own cars while he has a Mercedes C-Class and a large house. After all he knows other men with the same things who have more women than they know what to do with.
These men are having problems because they are following someone else’s style. I written before that it would be a con job for me to teach “game.” Things work a certain way for me because of my nature which is unique to me. I can tell a man to look directly into a woman’s eyes when he talks to her and she will be sexually aroused. Most men will fail. Looking into a woman’s eyes works for me because women consistently tell me I have pretty eyes. The method would only work for another man with pretty eyes. A man doing the same thing with unremarkable eyes could be considered creepy.
The most a seduction guru or dating coach can give a man is a perspective. In my own coaching the most I give a man is my perspective and perhaps what I have seen work with a group of men generally. Ultimately a man has to develop his own style. He has to develop skills and techniques that are unique to who he is and his mission in life. He can’t worry about what everybody else is doing. Let me use the analogy of basketball.
Of the five players on the basketball court, each one has his own game. The point guard’s game may be passing and penetrating to the basket. He may not have a good outside shot but that’s cool. He helps the team win by playing his game. The shooting guard may be able to rain three point shots all game but may not be good penetrating. The small forward may be good at ball-handling and defense but can only hit an occasional outside shot. The power forward may be a beast on the boards but non-factor for scoring. The center may be good at blocking shots and have a great inside game but can’t hit a three pointer. All of them contribute just in different ways. Their different styles are all legitimate.
In the game of men chasing women a man has to find his personal style. Using myself as an example many things that are taught in dating seminars didn’t work as well for me. Many men will say “approach, approach, approach.” Well when I was younger I would do that and get shot down. Then I started noticing that when I was more laidback or even non-chalant women would approach me. What I found was that when I approached women they would ask themselves, “Why is this good-looking man approaching me with these corny lines?” The women would think something was wrong with me because in their minds someone that looks like me shouldn’t come off as thirsty. I’ve had women tell me this was the issue. Women have actually told me that I could have any woman I wanted. I started chilling out and noticed that women would approach me on the street. Even to this day I have random women approach me, flirt with me, and even tell me to smile while I’m walking down the street. This has been the case even when dressed like a bum in need of a shave and haircut. What I have works for me.
Now if I taught men to do exactly what I do they would fail unless they had identical physical and mental attributes. See the next man may need to be a little more aggressive while out in public. He may need to speak to more women and “shoot that jumper” as this one player I know likes to say. That’s cool. Still another man may have to dress sharp just to get a woman to notice him. He might need to have his haircut on point to get attention. Still another man may need to limit approaching women to social environments where he is part of a group.
In order for a man to develop his style he has to learn how to be PRESENT with women. When I say present I mean a man has to literally be right there with a woman. Most men when they are with a woman are thinking about doing something in the FUTURE with her. A man sees a thick booty woman while walking down the street and his thoughts go to doing her doggy style. He’s not paying enough attention to what she’s doing in the NOW. He approaches her thinking about the future. He's not paying attention that she seems distracted. She has not given him any indication that she wants to be bothered. He approaches her and she give him a crazy look. He keeps trying to talk to her until her girlfriend walks up and is ready to fight. Yeah I said girlfriend. If he was present and not thinking about the future he would have noticed that despite the phat ass she didn’t give the vibe that she was into men.
The main thing with a man being present is that he starts to pay attention to how women respond to him. Using myself as an example the other day I was coming home from the gym and I stopped by the grocery store. I had on a sleeveless shirt and some shorts. Many women were staring and smiling. I’ve learned that women really like my body so I wear clothes that show my physique. Even when I dress up I wear fitted clothing. It works for me. Another man may notice that women pay attention to him when his head is shaved. Still another man may notice that women really respond to him when he is speaking. Different things work for different men which brings me to my next point.
Too many men get caught up in thinking that they have to be tall, muscular, and male model handsome in order to get women. Yes being tall, muscular, and handsome will attract many women. The problem is that men who don’t have these attributes feel like they can’t get women. Bullshit. I read a blog one time where the writer stated that women are only interested in one type of man; the tall, muscular, and handsome man. The writer felt that women didn’t have “fetishes” like men do. He said that there are “face men,” “breast men,” “ass men,” and “leg men.” He also mentioned chubby chasers, men who like short women, and men who like tall women. I would add that some men like buttafaces. We all know this. What’s kept real quiet though is that women are the exact same way.
Now women are more open about wanting the tall, muscular, and handsome men. There is a growing industry of websites and even feminist porn where men are seen as sex objects. What isn’t talked about publically though is that women do indeed have certain types that get them sexually open. One such type is the Big Handsome Man (BHM) or as their called in the Black community “Teddy Bears.” To be clear Teddy Bears in the Black community have nothing to do with the Bear subculture within the LGBT community. Some women are turned on by big hamburger and fries eating dudes. Some women are turned on by buttaface men. Many women don’t want to be around a man who looks better than they do. I’ve met women who were turned on by short men. I’ve known many men in their forties and fifties who had twenty year olds chasing them. For every type of man out there are women who are turned on by their particular attributes.
A man has to be comfortable with who he is and his unique nature. He always wants to improve himself but he has to be realistic. A 5’6” man will not grow to over 6 feet tall. What he can do pay attention to which women respond to him and play up his positive qualities that attract women. Some big dudes might not get any more muscular. They can deal with the women who like big men. The bottom line is that a man can get another man’s perspective but ultimately he cannot be a clone. All men have to develop their own unique style.