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A Goodbar's Words

1/17/2016

4 Comments

 


        The following is a piece that was written for my unpublished book, "Being Mr. Goodbar."   It was written by a gentleman who I would say has some notoriety.     He been on TV more than a few times over the years.   Women certainly found him easy on the eyes.     When he graciously wrote the excerpt for me he simply signed it "Anonymous."   What he had to say was very thought provoking.     Check it out and tell me what you think.

*******************

​        Being the sexual center of attraction for women can have its obvious advantages and cruel pitfalls.  You go through a number of psychological and social changes that are difficult to understand, even after so many years of being use to it. 

            For one, you always have to approach such situations with a certain level of humility - an appreciation for being blessed with enough good looks to draw the women that appeal to you.  Humility is key. Humility also gives you a more candid outlook on the universal balance of life, love, sex and relationships.  You tend to look at these matters with a very spiritually inspired "third-eye," if that makes sense.  Essentially, the moment ego steps in and dominates the situation, you're screwed.  You've defied every reason for your being and why God put you here.  Because I feel a lot of this is by some bizarre design I have absolutely no control over, so I just have to vibe with it and take it as it comes. 

            It also takes an open mind.  Be open to the world and all it has to offer.  Don't limit your social or sexual perspective.  Be willing and able to listen.

            See - it's not really a situation where a man like myself can pick whatever woman he wants.  Really, men don't pick women - it's the other way around.  Yet, the man has to maintain a level of calm, self-assuredness and overall confidence.  I tell younger brothers who are coming up and have questions about relationships that they should take their time.  I watch brothers nowadays and they play themselves by approaching women in such a desperate manner and tone.  Yelling across the street and shit; walking past a woman and grabbing her arm when she gave no indication that it got physical yet; or that stupid, one-liner bullshit made for club pick-ups.  Most women, on the real, despise that shit.  The women who do tolerate it are the type you want to stay away from.  They are perpetually insecure and have numerous issues.  You don't want to mess with a woman who wants to be treated like a dude. 
​
            Don't go out looking for or chasing women.   Let it happen naturally.  The most intense, most fulfilling relationships are the ones you never expected nor planned.  It just happened.  You meet the most beautiful, most compelling women on a subway, an elevator, a bookstore or a coffeehouse.   It's when you least expect it.  And you meet them when it just happens; I can't define what that situation is or will be.  You define it when it occurs. As men, we have to realize that there is a certain type of woman out there to get matched with every man.  All this shit is by design and pre-destination.  When you force it, all you do is throw the karma out of whack.  You mess yourself up without realizing it.  That recent movie "Shallow Hal" was a perfect example of this.  This pudgy, desperate and self-absorbed club-jumper would dance with every fine woman on the dance floor and would get rejected all the time.  He didn't understand it.  He just couldn't see it.  But, in the end, once he did figure it out, he ended up with someone who complimented him.  She may not have attracted a certain segment of the male population, but she certainly was the best thing that ever happened to him.  Which is why I truly appreciated the message relayed in that flick.  It spoke volumes of truth. 

            Relax - don't let the vagina get you all tripped up and out of character.  It's hard, I know, but it's necessary.  When I was a teenager, I used to occasionally hang out with some friends who loved going to the local mall and getting phone numbers from the girls.  They would keep tally and score - no plans to call these girls, mind you, but it was like a horse race to see who gathered the most "digits."  I would stand back and just watch, never getting involved because that wasn't my game.  I didn't have a game - I hated playing games.  "Getting digits" as it was called was the most stupid-ass game ever devised by desperate cats calling themselves "pimps" or "players".  9 times out of 10, the girls would always end up looking in the back of the group, pointing at me and asking: "Who's your friend?"  And I didn't intend for that to happen.  But, it made me realize that most women hate fucking games when it comes to men.   They are actually very simple to approach and its not rocket science to please them  - they have enough to deal with when considering all the pettiness amongst themselves.  So why deal with that shit from men?   Men are men; and petty, game-playing men are like women.  I don't have to tell you that these cats stopped inviting me on their outings. 

            And that's where we get into the importance of being a gentleman.  Believe it or not, old-fashioned concepts of chivalry & etiquette are the most proven form of productive interaction between men and women.  It's considerate, gentle and kind.   It separates the boys from the real men.  Many of these cats today can't or refuse to recognize the significance of this.  The laws of the universe dictate that the female expects and deserves gentle treatment, even during times of conflict.   That's lacking in today's society.  Which is why most women that I'll hold the door open for will suddenly get weak in the knees and feel as though its love at first sight.   Or, they think that I'm trying to make a move on them.  But, I'm not doing either.  I'm simply fulfilling my obligation to the laws of the universe and how God intended.  Being a gentleman is a natural component of the male personality.  It is a discipline that should be taught from pre-school. 
​
            See, there is this fucked-up perception that being a gentleman is being weak.  But, let me school you for a moment.  Some of the hardest, most lethal, most effective warriors in history were the most romantic and passionate men to ever walk the face of the Earth.  The famous WWII General Patton wrote eloquent poetry while he was crushing Hitler's Nazis.  Samurais in Japan were more recognized for their etiquette than they were for swordsmanship.  
​
            Too many boys - particularly Black boys - aren't being raised in that discipline.  They are, instead, spoiled and served.  I see too many situations where mothers think it's cute that their 6 year-old boys is knocking the shit out of his little sister or female playmate over a damn toy.  They think that shit is cute - let's see what they say when that boy grows up into a man and is in jail or before a judge on domestic abuse charges.  Or, say, when a smart woman wises up and shoots his ass in self-defense after he just beat the hell out of her. 

            And then you have these boys being raised into women.  That's some sick, universally destructive non-sense.  Suddenly, you've got an entire population of young men who hate women because they want to take their place. 

            This is all to say that there is a very special balance between the feminine and the masculine that we must preserve at all times.  We have to respect it if we are to survive as a community and a human race.  It's that simple.  And that must dictate our interactions with women and how we treat them.


4 Comments
Scott
1/17/2016 06:06:42 am

Some thought provoking things in here especially in the last few paragraphs, then there was when he said always be open to different perspectives which was similar to the "no spoon" article by you. I also like the part where he talks about humility as some guys who are blessed in the looks department believe they're superior and get arrogant, I've met a few of those types.

Reply
Rom
1/17/2016 02:26:59 pm

Yeah the dude who wrote this is very humble. He's like "whatever." He's focused on his work and family.

Reply
Michael
1/17/2016 06:28:56 am

Too many boys - particularly Black boys - aren't being raised in that discipline. They are, instead, spoiled and served. I see too many situations where mothers think it's cute that their 6 year-old boys is knocking the shit out of his little sister or female playmate over a damn toy. They think that shit is cute - let's see what they say when that boy grows up into a man and is in jail or before a judge on domestic abuse charges. Or, say, when a smart woman wises up and shoots his ass in self-defense after he just beat the hell out of her.
______________________________________________________

I'm glad you addressed this because it's something that needs to be addressed in our community. For me i've found that with this passage, that today in 2016 in many ways it's the opposite though. With men becoming more feminine(because society and radical feminism has emasculated them) and women becoming more masculine and empowered you see more black women putting their hands on black men and becoming more and more comfortable with it. Getting in their face snapping their fingers, being aggressive, trying to publicly humiliate and provoke them into doing something so they can run behind the "i'm a woman" card. Today in our community there are many Solange/Jay Z incidents, and domestic abuse situations where it's actually the man being abused. Now people might chuckle about that(and many do) but it's just as serious an issue. Many men don't report these incidents because of being fearful of how they'll be perceived. The really frustrating thing about this is these things happen and people justify it and instead of addressing the issue they make it about "well what did the man do?" and "he must have done something to provoke it?". However when the Ray Rice and his fiance infamous elevator incident occurred, he was guilty immediately with nobody ever asking the questions of what was her involvement that led up to it. And yes you're correct there are many black mothers who think that behavior is cute, but i've found that as many domestic abuse cases that will filed by black women on black men, there is also just as many black women who will stay with men like that, and even show more respect towards men like that and disrespect towards the men who aren't like that. Speaking from a personal experience i've been swung on by a girl before when I was in school and me restraining myself and not going after her didn't get respect from her, in fact it wasn't until after I'd heard enough of her taunting that "she'd do it again" and dropping my books and standing up for myself and letting her know with my body language and words that if she did it again that there would some consequences that she left me alone. Off course that didn't stop her from painting me as the bad guy by getting the principal and her mother involved, but i digress. I'm longwinded but i guess my point is for every 1 grown ass black boy in society we have 10 grown ass black girls. So as a young man trying to develop into his most masculine self it's hard to know what to do these days, because even though the law of the universe demands you treat a lady like a lady, many of my experiences and maybe the experiences of many young brothers is there aren't many true "ladies" in our community. Instead the ladies are few and you have more ratchet, masculine thots who see gentleman behavior as weak and even like you said in your last blog a pass to take advantage of that brother and waste his time.

So I ask you Brother Rom, how should a true masculine man handle a physically abusive woman?

Reply
Rom
1/17/2016 02:34:41 pm

He wouldn't need to. Physically abusive women are simply bullies. Any bully backs down if the know you are willing to fight back. Women who abuse men either physically or emotionally do so because they either know or think a particular man will sit there and take it. A no-nonsense man is not going to take it. I've heard of many occasions where a man went off physically or verbally on an abusive woman. The woman always backs down.

A man has to communicate through his posture and mannerisms that he is not one to play with. Most battles are won before a shot is fired. Read the Art of War by Sun Tzu.

Reply



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