Now I’m bringing this up because I could easily act like I’m high and mighty to the point where someone I once taught cannot teach me. That’s never been my character though. There is one lesson that has served me well in life. There are actually many lessons but one in particular stands out. The lesson was learning to be humble.
Now I know some readers are like “Rom? Humble? Please!” Yeah I do have a good size ego. Having an ego is a good thing if it helps one to accomplish their goals in life. My ego has driven me to get my education, to have jobs where I can help people, to start successful businesses, to write books, and to write this blog when I would rather be chilling listening to good jazz. Yes I will big up myself but that’s not what being humble means. Being humble means that no matter who I think I am or who I want to be I will shut the fuck up and listen to someone when they are trying to teach me something. I’m a person who learns from whoever I come into contact with. Indeed when people first meet me in many cases they think I’m quiet or even shy. Far from it. I just give people a chance to say what they have to say. Sometimes I learn something, sometimes I don’t. Over the years I’ve had women especially, drop some gems that helped me to date and have sex with some very beautiful women. Let me tell a bit of my story. No matter where I thought I was with women, by humbling myself and listening I was always able to take things to another level. There were three occasions that stand out in my mind.
The first occasion was sometime in 1990. I was where many men who read dating, seduction, and game blogs want to be now. I had zero problem approaching women whether it was on the streets during the day or in night clubs at night. I had a smooth rap as we said back then. Smartphones didn’t exist so we had little black books. Mine was like the yellow pages with several volumes. Collecting numbers was very easy. I had the sharp suits, the leather jackets, and the shoe game was on point. I always kept a fresh haircut. I already had a college degree and was working on an advanced degree. Let’s keep it raw, the race element played a part as well as many Black women don’t so much complain about the shortage of men but about the shortage of EDUCATED Black men. Oh yeah, oh yeah, getting dates was very easy. I had to work a bit harder for sex but I was getting my cut (pun intended). I just wasn’t getting my cut as much as I liked but still more than the average man. Now the only real weakness I had which I didn’t see as such was my weight. I was about twenty to thirty pounds overweight. I still had everything else though and my dick still got wet on a consistent basis. Then something happened to push me to a new level.
I had a date with this fine woman. She was hot. We knew each other for a while and had kissed and grinded at a party before. So we go to this concert. We have a good time with some friends. After the show I wanted some sex. Seemed logical to me. Not to her apparently. She declined and told me why. She said I was too big for her. If I was in my ego I would have got mad but I humbled myself and received her message. See I was raised by my Grandmother and she would talk to me whether or not she thought I was listening. She told me when I was little to listen to a person when they tell you about yourself. Especially if that person tells you in private. She said don’t get mad and thank the person because if one person sees something others do as well. Incidentally the woman who told me about my weight was a dear friend for many more years.
The outcome of that moment was that I started jogging to lose weight. It had immediate benefits as women who had previously put me in the dreaded friend zone decided they wanted to show my penis some oral love. Even the quality of women I was dealing with improved as the pounds melted away. The thing is I still had a ways to go.
The second occasion was in the summer of 1991. After getting my post graduate degree I decided to go into federal law enforcement. I was in the application process for a very prominent agency. Part of the process was a physical test I had to pass. So instead of casually jogging a couple of miles I now had to RUN those miles because the test required that I run two miles under 16 minutes. I was also required to do a certain amount of pushups and sit-ups. Instead of casually exercising, I was in full training mode. I reached my optimum body weight and build during that summer. I was 190 lbs. with less than 10 percent body fat. One woman said I was built like a cross between a Marine and male stripper. I started getting more sex from women but to keep it raw it wasn’t because of the body. The body was only part of the equation.
During that summer I was dealing with some sex workers. I can’t disclose the nature of that encounter without violating some laws. Honestly the legal nature of the encounters wasn’t the most significant thing. When I dealt with these sex workers they had a lot to say about male/female relationships. The info they gave me isn’t something that’s in the public sphere. Indeed since that summer I have read books, attended seminars on everything from men cheating to Tantric sex, read blogs, and have talked with thousands of men and women and have YET to have this info repeated back to me. I have never seen it written anywhere even on blogs where men claim to be players. These sex workers gave me valuable insight into a woman’s nature. Basically these sex workers taught me how to SEDUCE a woman very easily. I was an attentive student. The info is so powerful I rarely discuss it even when I’m around actual players. There were exceptions which I’ll get into later. None of my books or blogs contain the info. Despite what people think to the contrary men who are true seducers are EXTREMELY rare. 99.9 percent of men get women because the women think they are cute or they fulfill some need. That thing called “game” only works in a man’s mind. Women let men think it works because it’s easier.
So by humbling myself I was able to get more sex than I knew what to do with. I entered a place I’ll call the sexual underworld. I don’t mean in terms of alternative lifestyles like BDSM or swinging. It was a world I saw the sexual face of women even when they wanted to hide it. It was a world where the church lady who wore conservative clothes during the day had sex with four men at the same time that night. It was where that lame dude who looked like a virgin had ten women in a sexual rotation. It was world where people showed their true sexual faces. With the skills I had I used to seduce women to pass the time. I wouldn’t even bother to have sex with a woman once she was seduced. I got more from the chase with some women. Keep in mind one dynamic that is true even to this day. I have very rarely been a woman’s type despite everything I had going for me. When women discussed their ideal man I never fit the description. I managed to get around that though.
The third occasion came in 1998. I was having a conversation with an older woman. To this day I can’t remember the content of the entire conversation. I just remember a statement she made. Now I had the body, status, money, car, apartment in affluent neighborhood, and some serious seduction skills that I was growing weary of using. This woman without smiling told me one of the most profound things someone has ever told me. In a brief sentence she changed my perspective of how I looked at women. The understanding that she gave me got me to the point where quality women were ROUTINELY approaching me. I didn’t have to use seduction skills, I wasn’t working out as hard so I wasn’t at my optimum body weight. I even stopped going on dates. Women would just come to my apartment. It got to the point where I worked to dissuade women from coming over. I told one woman I didn’t have any food she said she would bring some. I had women who would straight up tell me they wanted to have sex with me. Women started getting pissed if I didn’t show any sexual interest. I was doing this without spending money or actively seducing. All because I humbled myself to listen to a woman’s thoughts and then changing my thinking.
One thing I need to say before closing out this blog. Many will read this blog and then hit me up privately to find out the secrets I’m keeping. Don’t waste your time. First of all for a man to use the knowledge shared with me he would have to have a certain foundation in place. A man who has had limited sexual contact with a woman would not be able to employ the techniques. I had considerable dating and sexual experience when I encountered the sex workers. I already had a frame of reference to process what they told me. A man who had experienced multiple rejections from women would have dismissed the info as science fiction. I’ve shared the info in the past and many men didn’t get any results. Notice I said many men. The second reason I don’t share the info easily is because one time I carelessly gave a womanizer with bad intent an insight on how to see a woman’s sexual face and he took it and became a more efficient womanizer. He was the type who would have sex with all of his friend’s wives and girlfriends. The bad part was I gave the info freely. So please don’t hit up my inbox asking for some tips. Work on the foundation first which is the body and learning how to talk to women. Pay your dues first.
This isn’t about so much listening to a woman’s advice or changing to please a woman. This is bigger than that. I’ve humbled myself to listen to many men. See I read many blogs and websites. I talk to a lot of people. Many men think they are on top of the game. Many men are considered players simply because they talk to a woman. Some men think if they get consistent dates they are the man. Some men think they have arrived if they have sex with a new woman every other month. One thing I see is a lot of arrogance. Many men need to humble themselves because no matter where they are there is always another level.