One of the greatest mysteries of life is why a small group of men seem to have sex with a multitude of women while a large percentage of men struggle to get a simple hello from the same women. This issue is addressed from many different angles notably dating coaches. Doesn’t work too well for most men though. Many quite frankly have been scammed out of thousands of dollars and in many cases have a worse time relating to women. The reason is that most men have the wrong perspective. There is the belief that women are not as interested in sex as men. This is a universal false belief. Women want sex as much as and in many cases more than men. Let me give my view on things.
All people have two faces. They have a social face and a sexual face. The social face of a person is what the public sees. When I say public I include friends and family. This is the outer person that works, goes to church, shops for groceries, and appears to be a stable member of society. The sexual face is the person in the bedroom who engages in threesomes and alternative sexual practices. The point is that the sexual face may be different or even contradictory to the social face. Now here’s the interesting thing. For many men their social face and their sexual face are nearly the same. There is no real stigma for men to express their sexuality. It’s even encouraged in certain venues such as the sports fields and construction sites. Not so with women. Most women only show subtle hints of their sexual face and in many cases are shamed by men for even showing that little bit. As a result the average man confuses a woman’s social face for her sexual face.
When most men approach women they try to appeal to her social face thinking it will trigger sexual attraction. The average man will try to show that he is SOCIALLY dominant by talking about his status, or using pickup lines, or appealing to her logically or emotionally. The bottom line is that he is trying to TALK her into finding him attractive which is really just appealing to her social face. Depending on the man this may work if he is able to fulfill the woman’s social needs. She may want to enhance her social face by being in a relationship with a man that looks good to the public. Thus many men think that they can get a woman with a good conversation, a mouthpiece as the Macks would say, or routines as the Pickup Artists (PUA) use for seduction. Most men, however, fail to get women through talking. Most make the mistake of thinking that they can talk a woman into giving them sex.
My homie Roger, the star of the “Do The Work” blog entry had this say via text:
“Man a lot of dudes esp. PUA’s approach women like it’s sales. Overcoming objections with words. Engaging a woman’s mind is useless. Even if she gives you the pussy it won’t be good cause she’s battling in her head.”
What Roger is saying is that though a woman may be socially attracted to a man she may not be sexually attracted. Now Roger has read my books, Nice Guys and Players and Sexual Chemistry and has had the benefit of talking with me for years. He understands the concept of a woman’s social face being different from her sexual face. A man cannot appeal to a woman’s sexual face through logic and contrary to popular opinion through emotions. A woman’s sexual face is dominated by her vagina. A woman’s vagina makes her sexual decisions for her and is RATIONALIZED by her logic, emotions, and other SOCIAL considerations.
Consider the following scenario starring Dexter Goodbar. The title of this scenario is, “So Who’s Your Friend?”
Dexter Goodbar went to a private party at a hotel with some friends of his, John, Rob, and Frank. Rob called the party a “Beautiful People Party.” The attendees were primarily young, professional African-American men and women. Most of the men were dressed up in suits with fresh haircuts and confident demeanors. They gave off “Alpha Male” vibes. The women were dressed in sexy dresses and looking like they were fashion models. Dexter Goodbar was dressed in a simple shirt and slacks and quite frankly needed a shape up. All eyes were on the fellas as they walked into the party. John, Rob, and Frank immediately picked out women to strike up conversations with. Dexter headed over to the buffet table, got some buffalo wings and found a table in the corner to sit down and eat.
John approached a petite young lady who introduced herself as Pamela. They talked for a bit about their jobs and the vibe of the party.
“I’ve been having a good time so far,” Pamela smiled.
John looked Pamela up and down, “You look like you’re having a good time. I’m enjoying the party already.”
“I saw you walk in with a group of brothas. Y’all turned a lot of heads.”
“Yeah we’re looking good,” John said smugly thinking that Pamela was feeling him.
Pamela looked toward the corner where Dexter was sitting and asked John. “So who’s your friend?”
Rob was on the floor dancing with Barbara. Barbara was a curvy sista with big breasts, small waist, and big booty and legs. Rob focused intently on Barbara as they danced. Barbara however seemed to be constantly looking past Rob. After the song finished they walked off the floor. Rob told her about his job, his future plans, his education, and the home he just bought. Barbara responded politely but didn’t say much letting Rob talk. Rob finished talking about himself and asked Barbara about her goals and ambitions.
“Nothing special. Just getting my masters,” Barbara responded. “That guy you walked in with. What’s his name?”
“Which guy?” Rob asked, slightly annoyed, thinking she was talking about John or Frank.
“That one over there in the corner eating the chicken wings.” Barbara pointed to Dexter. “So who’s your friend?”
Frank chatted up Alicia, a slim sista with a pretty face, while they were in line getting some food. The conversation was going well in Frank’s eyes. She seemed like she was interested. They got their food and looked around for a place to sit. Every table had a group of people except for Dexter’s table where he was by himself. Alicia started walking towards the table without saying anything to Frank. Frank caught up with her.
“So you want to sit over here in the corner?” Frank asked.
“Yeah, I don’t think he will mind,” Alicia answered as they walked towards the table.
“He shouldn’t. I know the brotha,” Frank said reluctantly.
“Really? So who’s your friend?” Alicia asked a little too cheerfully as her pace quickened.
Dexter didn’t get invited to anymore parties with the fellas.
This scenario illustrates a very important point. John, Rob, and Frank were SOCIAL alpha males. They were young, in shape, dressed sharply, and very confident. These traits appeal to women socially. The women in the scenario were turned on by Dexter sexually. Dexter appealed to their SEXUAL faces.
The true player’s “game” is very simple. He pays attention to the women around him and looks for clues that a particular woman is turned on sexually by him. Few people have an understanding of how the true player operates. They will see the true player talking to a woman and will see that she is definitely interested in seeing him naked. They will observe his behavior and then try to mimic his actions. For example some guys at a bar may see a true player rub a woman’s wrist while talking with her. The woman is responding visibly. The guys will then try the same thing on different women and fail miserably. See the true player didn’t turn on the woman by rubbing her wrist. She was turned on sexually when she first laid eyes on him.
One of, if not, the biggest myths about women is that they are not turned on visually by a man. Popular belief suggests that women are turned on by a man’s intelligence, resources, and how he makes them feel emotionally. These attributes appeal to a woman’s SOCIAL face. The woman’s SEXUAL face doesn’t care about all of that. The woman’s sexual face is LOOKING for a man to make her vagina tingle. When a woman sees a man she considers sexually appealing not only does her pupils dilate but her cervix as well. A woman can literally have an orgasm just by looking at a man. Sometimes a man with an intense stare can look a woman in her eyes and make her moan. Ask me how I know.
The woman’s sexual face doesn’t want the man’s car, house, job, or status. The woman’s sexual face wants the man’s body to fuck the shit out of her. The sexual face wants that raw, primal, scream at the top of the lungs, lose consciousness, speak in tongues, levitate off the bed type of fucking. Not make love with rose petals and soft music playing in the background. That’s more of a social thing. That primal thing is a physical thing. It doesn’t speak and quite frankly because of the suppression of female sexuality in most cultures, the average woman isn’t aware of her sexual face. They think their social face represents their sexual nature.
Until they run into somebody like Dexter Goodbar.
That’s why you will have a woman who is in a happy stable marriage in an upper middle class neighborhood all of a sudden run off to live with a man in a seedy neighborhood in an abandoned home. That man appealed to the woman’s sexual face.
Now two types of men generally appeal to a woman’s sexual face. All women have individual preferences but if a man has one of two things going for him he will generally have more women than he knows what to do with. The first thing is a good body. People like to say that biggest sex organ is the brain meaning that imagination and creativity make sex enjoyable. That’s a social thing with people who are sexually repressed. Sex is a physical thing. A man can have rose petals, music, chocolate, give massages, and even eat the pussy. For the actual act of intercourse the woman has to be physically be comfortable with the idea of this man on top of her, under her, and behind her. She has to physically want to have sex with the man. This is more about the body than the face. Many otherwise handsome men have trouble getting women unless they have money and status as well.
Now the type of body depends on a woman’s preference. In general women are turned on by muscular bodies. A man who builds his muscles will always improve his chances to women. Now some men aren’t as muscular but they have a body type that turns on a particular woman. I have a friend I’ll call Sabrina. Now Sabrina is a big girl about five-nine, size 16 but shapely. She doesn’t have a fat stomach. Her man, Donny, is six-seven over three hundred fifty solid pounds. Sabrina and I were talking one day and I said, “Yeah you got that big, hominy grit eating muthafucka because you need somebody who can flip your phat ass over in bed.” Sabrina busted out laughing and gave me a high five. All women have a physical body type that get them open sexually. The only real issue is that that the man who is sexually appealing to a woman is rarely the man who is socially appealing.
Think on this one.
Now there are a minority of men who turn women on sexually but not because they have great bodies. These men are extremely rare. Women don’t get turned on by the bodies on these men. These men get sex because for whatever reason they can appeal to a woman’s sexual face. These men have sexual charisma. I’ll use myself as an example. I worked in an office job back in the day. I had that Clark Kent thing going. I wore big glasses and plain clothes to work. I had a co-worker I’ll call Lauren. Now Lauren was a self-professed gold-digger. The type that was known by the pro athletes in DC. Now I had a good body build but not like a pro-athlete and I certainly didn’t have their money. It got back to me that Lauren said this about me, “Rom looks like a nerd but I betcha he can fuck.” Many women will look at an otherwise plain man and get turned on.
The true player has mastered the art of paying attention to a woman. The true player rarely does a cold approach on a woman. He looks for signs that she is sexually interested. One thing I have always done is pay attention to how a woman looks at me. There is a look that I can’t describe, or teach men to look for, when women is turned on by a man. A man has to experience this look for himself. This look may last only a second but a woman shows her sexual face in that second. The true player recognizes the look and acts accordingly if he finds her attractive as well.
Many men call themselves players and use status, money, and good conversation to get women. They think it works. Really it’s irrelevant. Women make a decision when they first lay eyes on a man as to whether he is potentially a sex partner. At this point a man can only blow his chances. Many men blow it by talking too damn much. Many men focus on developing the wrong things to attract women. Any man who wants more women needs to focus on building their body and their sexual charisma. Everything else is just extra.