Rom Wills, Author
  • Home
  • All about Rom
  • Podcasts
  • Game Kings Documentary
  • I'm Not Playing
  • Signed Book
  • Rom's Booklist
  • Nice Guys and Players University
  • A Player's Eyes
  • Nice Guys and Players
  • Sexual Chemistry
  • Meeting Attractive Women
  • Those Eyes
  • Something For The Ladies
  • Starting From Zero
  • The Sankofans
  • Videos
  • Nice Guys and Players Network
  • Favorite Links
  • Contact Rom
  • Donate

Incompatibility and Unrealistic Expectations

11/15/2015

0 Comments

 
          The following is a chapter from my latest book, "A Player's Eyes."   The title was based on a book I read back in the early nineties called "In Search of Goodpussy" by Don Spears.   Check it out and really think about what I'm saying.     

*******************


          One of the first relationship books I read back in the day was by a gentleman named Don Spears.   The book was called, “In Search of Goodpussy.”   Yeah that was the title.   The gist of the book was about how men, particularly Black men, were looking for love in their relationships.   Don Spears covered a lot of issues that are still relevant today even though his book was published in 1991.   One chapter was entitled, “Incompatibility and Unrealistic Expectations.”  In that chapter he said the biggest reasons relationships fail is that the two people were incompatible with each other and that they had unrealistic expectations that such a relationship would work.   Let’s look at the unrealistic expectation piece first.

            The biggest single problem in male/female relationships is that most people are not realistic in searching for a mate.   You have plain looking, average shaped women with boring personalities thinking they can get a top tier male.   These women will not only reject men who are more in their league as far as looks and personality but they will do so with an attitude.   Even when they manage to hook up with a Select Man in most cases they are not really compatible.   Bomb sex doesn’t mean that two people need to be together outside the bedroom.   Dude could just have that good dick which he shares with five other women.   Yet Plain Jane thinks its love when she is really just a cool booty call.   Then when Plain Jane realizes that Mr. Goodbar doesn’t love her all men become dogs until she starts to swoon in the arms of another sexy dude.  

            The bad part in all of this is that her Plain Jane girlfriends will encourage her in this.  They know their girl don’t look good in those yoga pants and that she should stop doing her own hair.   They will be the main ones saying that pretty boy don’t know what he’s missing out on.   Her girlfriends ain’t being honest with her because they want to believe they can get a rich pretty boy too.

            The irony is that Plain Jane will have an Average Joe who is feeling her basic looking self, even with the muffin top.  She can even be in a relationship with him.  Average Joe treats her well, holds her hand in public, and is even decent in bed.   Of course her jealous girlfriends start getting in her ear about how she could do better.   Average Joe is just a regular looking dude who could stand to lose some weight and needs to buy clothes from places other than a discount store.  Plus her girlfriends are jealous that Jane has a man at all as no one is blowing up their phones or liking their pictures on social media.   Jane starts listening to her girlfriends and kicks Average Joe to the curb for some minor shit.   Story don’t end there though.

            Few women will kick a man to the curb without having another man in mind.   Jane has been checking out this tall muscular dude she has been seeing around the mall where she works, Dexter Goodbar.   Dude starts being friendly to Jane after she had said hi to him every time she saw him for a month.  Her sexual interest shows all over her face so Dexter marks her for sex somewhere down the road.   Jane, being in her fantasy world thinks she has a chance so after getting rid of Average Joe she fixes her hair a bit and starts wearing body shaping garments under her clothes.  She even shops for new outfits and finally joins a gym.   Dexter takes notice and gives her his number.  She blows up his phone and friends him on social media.   They eventually have sex after he invites her over to chill.   They go hot and heavy for a month before he decides to kick her to the curb.   A Dime made herself available to him and he didn’t want to be seen in public with Jane anyway.  

            Plain Jane goes into depression because she realized that she was just a sex toy for Goodbar as he never went out with her.   To add to that depression she finds out that Average Joe is now going out with one of the women who told her to get rid of Average Joe to begin with.   The problem was Plain Jane wasn’t realistic as to who she was and the type of man she could actually get.

            It’s just as bad for men.   There are many Non-Select men who can probably get a decent woman.   That woman will not be a Dime though.   For every woman who is insistent on getting an A-1 man there is a woman who has enough common sense to be good with an Average Joe.   Thing is, many Average Joes don’t want those women.   Dude is plain-looking or even ugly.   He isn’t tall, doesn’t have an athletic body, and has very little style as far as dressing.   His personality is dull.   Yet many of these men because they have a steady job with decent pay think they should get a Dime.   Not just a Dime but a Dime who will fuck them like a pornstar.   I’ve heard numerous Average Joes articulate this in one form or another.  

            These men don’t seem to grasp that a beautiful woman who is good at sex will want a similar man.   A woman know she got a pretty face, firm breasts, a small waist, and a phat round ass.   Good genes gave her the face and three hours in the gym, six days a week gave her the body.   Her hard work on her job supplemented by men with big credit limits paid for her hair and tight dresses.  The fuck will this Dime want with some homely, pudgy, or skinny dude who can’t engage her in a stimulating conversation?   There are some men who honestly think a Dime wants a fucked up looking dude humping her for three minutes.   A Dime more so than a Plain Jane wants Mr. Goodbar.   The more a woman is in good physical shape especially internally the more she will be aroused by a man with a great body.  

            Many Average Joes, Good Guys, Nerdy Guys, and Gamesmen think they have a real chance with a Dime.   It’s easier to lie to themselves instead of doing the work necessary to become desirable.   After the Non-Select men get rejected for the umpteenth time they either withdraw from the game or take to the Internet where they can call women bitches and thots.  

            The problem comes down to people not staying in their lane.   Many men and women want that ideal figure as opposed to the person they can actually get.   So many men and women are chasing unicorns and then get depressed when they don’t find that special person.   It’s not that the person don’t exist, it’s just that the person may not look like someone’s romantic ideal on the surface.   I’m not saying go for someone who is physically unattractive to you.   It’s just that often when people are chasing Dexter Goodbar or Julie Dime they pass over decent people right in their midst.   People who are not only decent looking but have compatible personalities.  

            So many people out here are looking for surface shit.   Thing is being attracted to the outer shell is normal and necessary in a balanced relationship.   Notice I said balanced.   Fuck political correctness, a person needs to like to look at their mates.   The problem is that people put so much stock in the outer that they miss the inner.   That’s why a lot of men and women get burned.   You might like a person’s face and body but what if that person practices a value system that is in opposition to your own?   The physical aspect of the relationship will be good for a few months but problems will occur once the value systems and personalities start to show themselves.

            I’ve known several Dimes in my life.   Some were compatible to my personality and some were not.   It didn’t make anyone bad but any relationship with the incompatible women beyond sex would have caused me mental anguish.   So many men chase these incompatible women anyway.   Yeah they look good to family and friends but behind closed doors many men are getting their asses kicked emotionally.   I’ve had men tell me the vile shit some women did to them and they would always end the conversation with, “she had a phat ass though.”

            I’ve known a few extremely handsome men in my life.   It would seem like they had it made.  Nope they got their foul shit too.   I’ve not only known these men, I’ve known their women as well.   The women found out the hard way that all that glitters is not gold.   Piercing eyes and a pretty smile have fucked up many a woman’s head.   The problem was that women didn’t think in terms of compatibility.   A handsome man making a woman laugh is just that, a handsome man making a woman laugh.   If a man look good enough he could say “poo poo” in a monotone voice and the woman will think it’s the funniest and sexiest thing she has ever heard.   A muscular body can make a man a comic genius to a horny woman.   This doesn’t speak to whether they are compatible yet a woman will think they are right for each other.  

            Ultimately people need to balance how they choose a mate.   First they have to be realistic.  If a man is 5’7”, twenty pounds overweight, with an average face, and sporadic employment history it would be unrealistic for him to think that a 5’11” Dime with a killer body and high paying job is going to want him.   The woman who might feel him may be plain looking with extra weight around her stomach.   Thing is she is shorter than him and will tolerate his inability to keep a steady job as long as he treats her right.  She even thinks he’s cute.

            If a woman is plain faced, slim, without any curves or breasts, and dull personality it isn’t realistic to think she’ll get a tall muscular man with money and charisma.   Only in poorly written romance novels does this happen.   If she does get such a man he will likely use her to do things sexually his girlfriend or wife doesn’t want to do.   The best man for this woman is someone who likes slim and quiet women who may be average looking with a modest income and equally dull personality.
​
            Bottom line is that people have to have realistic expectations of potential mates and they have to be compatible.
 
​

Purchase A Player's Eyes
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013

    Categories

    All
    50 Cent
    90 Day Rule
    9-5
    9 - 5 Job
    Abundance Mindset
    Acculturated Prostitution
    Adinkra
    Adonis
    African American
    AKAs
    Aliens
    Allah
    Alonzo Harris
    Alpha Fux
    Alpha Hunk
    Alpha Males
    Amanmere
    Amazons
    Amish
    Anacostia
    Andrew Carnegie
    Animal Rights
    Apex Predator
    A Player's Eyes
    Apollo 13
    Arousal
    Attractive Women
    Aura
    Ausar Auset Society
    Author
    Average Joe
    Bad Bitches
    Bad Boys
    Bane
    Bangers
    Barbershop
    Barbie
    Barry White
    BBC
    BDSM
    Beautiful Men
    Beautiful Women
    Beauty Industry
    Best Self
    Beta Bux
    Beta Males
    Bible
    Big Handsome Men
    Billy Dee Williams
    Bimbo
    Bi Polar
    Bitter Men
    Black America
    Black Barbie Dolls
    Black Christian
    Black Elite
    Black Men
    Black Professionals
    Black Relationships
    Black Subcultures
    Black Women
    Blame Game
    Blessing
    BMW - Black Man Wokring
    Bodybuilding
    Bodymen
    Body Positivity
    Book Publishing
    Bookstore
    Boris Kudjoe
    Bourgie
    Boyfriend
    Boyfriends
    Brazil
    Buddy
    Buffalo Wings
    Bullying
    Buppie
    Butch Lesbians
    Buttaface
    Cable Box
    Cable TV
    Captain Sav'em
    Caretakers
    Carnal
    Cells
    Champion Road Arena
    Cheating Women
    Chick Magnet
    Chocolate City
    Christian
    Christmas
    Chubby Chasers
    Clark Kent
    Clowns
    Coaching
    Coffee Shop
    Coffer Shop
    College Basketball
    Cologne
    Col. Sanders
    Comic Books
    Complusion
    Conscious Brothas
    Content Creators
    Cool Dudes
    Counterfeit Persona
    Coyote
    Craft
    Creep
    Cuddling
    CW Network
    Danish Women
    Dark Girls
    Dating
    Dating Coach
    Day Job
    Deltas
    Demographics
    Demon Lovers
    Denver Broncos
    Denzel Washington
    Depression
    Destiny
    Dexter
    Dexter Goodbar
    Dick
    Dimes
    Divine Man
    Domestic Violence
    Dominatrix
    Dominican Republic
    Dominic Republic
    Donald Trump
    Do Right Man
    Do Right Men
    Eagle
    Earl Nightingale
    Early Christianity
    Earned Income Credit
    Easter
    E-books
    Educated Black Men
    Education
    Edutainment
    Ego
    Elites
    Energy Drink
    Entitlement
    Entrepreneur
    Esoteric
    Evolution
    Exercise
    Expo
    Failure
    Faith
    False Beliefs
    Fashion Industry
    Fasting
    Fathers
    Father's Day
    Federal Law Enforcement
    Feminism
    Feminist Porn
    Feminists
    Feng Shui
    Fetish
    Filet Mignon
    Fine Men
    Fitness
    Fix My Life
    Food Services
    Foshoenergywork.com
    Four Weddings
    Franchise
    Freak
    Friday Night Tykes
    Friend Zone
    Game
    Gamesman
    Gamesmen
    Games Women Play
    General Patton
    Genetically Modified
    Genetic Alpha Male
    Genetic Beta Male
    George Subira
    Gifted
    Gifts
    Gigolo
    Global Domination
    Goal Setting
    God
    God Hand
    Gold Diggers
    Golden Rule
    Goodbar Clans
    Good Black Men
    Good Girls
    Good Girls And Bad Boys
    Good Goody Girl
    Good Guys
    Good Looking Men
    Good Men
    Government Job
    Gratitude
    Grown Women
    Gye Nyame
    Gym
    Gym Sales
    Healer
    Healing
    Health
    Health Club
    Heart
    Heru
    Himbo
    Holiday Season
    Holistic Living
    Holy Men
    Honesty
    Honeymooners
    Hot Women
    House Of The Man
    Humility
    Hunter
    Husband
    Husbands
    Huslter
    Hustler
    Hyper Capitalism
    Hypergamy
    Icon
    Idris Elba
    Illuminati
    Imhotep
    Incels
    Independent Women
    Inferior Man
    Infidelity
    Intellectual
    Internet Radio
    Invisible Men
    Involuntary Celibacy
    IQ
    Iwa Pele
    Iyanla Vanzant
    Jamaican Restaurant
    Jay Williams
    Jazz
    Jeremy-meeks
    Jesus
    Jewelry Store
    Joe Thomas Sr.
    Joy
    Jr.
    Jujumama
    Kemetic
    Kentucky
    Kentucky Fried Chicken
    Kenya K. Stevens
    Knowledge
    Kwanza
    L.A. Banks
    LaCoste
    Ladies' Man
    Lames
    Leslie Ersdaile Banks
    LGBT
    Life Coach
    Life Purpose
    Little Black Book
    Little Girls
    Loneliness
    Lookers
    Looks
    Lothario
    Lottery Mentality
    Loverman
    Lover Of Many Women
    Macks
    Magic Mike
    Male Dating Advice Industry
    Male Exotic Dancers
    Male-freaks
    Male Model
    Male Strippers
    Mandingo
    Marine
    Marriage Counselor
    Masculine Self Development
    Masked Man
    Masked Men
    Massage
    Maury Show
    Media
    Medicine Black Elk
    Meeting Attractive Women
    Meeting Beautiful Women
    Men's Clothing Store
    Mental Health
    Mentors
    Merchandizer
    Mesomorph
    Metaphysical
    Metu Neter
    Michael Baisden
    MLM
    Moment Of Clarity
    Monetize
    Money Management
    Money Men
    Moses
    Motivation
    Movie Scripts
    Mr. Goodbar
    Mr. Right
    Muhammed
    Muslim
    Napoleon Hill
    NASA
    Natural Blueprint
    Natural Hair Show
    Negro Bed Wenches
    Netflix And Chill
    New England Patriots
    New Year's Eve
    New Year's Resolution
    Nice Guys
    Nice-guys
    Nice Guys And Players
    Non-Select Men
    Nursing Home
    Okomfo Anokye
    Oldest College Football Player
    Olympian
    Omari Hardwick
    Omar-little
    Paper Route
    Parable Of The Talents
    Passion
    Paternity-testing
    Patriarchy
    Peacocking
    Pennsylvania Dutch
    Personality Disorder
    Phobias
    Pickup Artist
    Pimp
    Plain Jane
    Plain-jane
    Players
    Playstation
    Polo
    Polyamorous
    Polyarmory
    Poon Hound
    Popeye
    Porsche
    Post Office
    Poverty Mindset
    Power
    Power Compeny
    Power TV Show
    Pretty Boys
    Pretty-boys
    Pretty-ricky
    Pretty-ricky
    Print On Demand
    Prison Body
    PUA
    Public Access
    Pusherman
    Queen Of Spades
    Racism
    Rasta
    Raw Game
    RBG
    Real Man
    Red Pill
    Relationship Experts
    Relationships
    Relationship Seminars
    Religion
    Resilience
    Responsible Men
    Restaurant
    Reverent Intelligentsians
    Revolution
    Rico Suave
    Right Attitude
    Rites Of Passage
    Rocks
    Romance
    Romance Novels
    Romantic Intoxication
    Romantic-intoxication
    Rom Wills
    Rom-wills
    Running A Train
    Russell Price
    Russians
    Sales
    Sales Commission
    Salesmen
    Samurai
    Scandinavian Women
    Schizophrenia
    School Shootings
    Sea Turtle
    Seduction
    Select Men
    Self Love.
    Sellout
    Seminars
    Senior Services
    Sensual Bohemian
    Sensual Bohemians
    Sex
    Sex Abuse
    Sex Addiction
    Sex Tourism
    Sexual Charisma
    Sexual Chemistry
    Sexual-chemistry
    Sexuality
    Sexual Magnetism
    Sexual-presence
    Sexual-presence
    Sexual Shadow World
    Sexual Subculture
    Sex With Students
    Sexy Woman
    Sexy Women
    Shallow Hal
    Shamans
    Shaming Tactics
    Shango
    Shantam-nityama
    Shophar
    Short Story
    Side Hustle
    Side Job
    Simps
    Singer
    Skits
    Slayers
    Smartphones
    Smart Phones
    Smart Women
    Smith Machine
    Social Class
    Social-intelligence
    Solitude
    Solstice
    Spiraling
    Spirit Of Man
    Spiritual Development
    Spiritual Path
    Spring Cleaning
    Starbucks
    Starting-from-zero
    Star Trek
    Star Wars
    Steriods
    Steve Harvey
    Steve-walters
    Street Cats
    Street Game
    Street Harassment
    Street-soldier
    Style Consultant
    Subcultures
    Success
    Successful Men
    Sugar Babies
    Sugar Daddy
    Sunday Morning Podcast
    Sunday Morning Simulcast With Rom Wills
    Superior Man
    Swag
    Swag-cats
    Swingers
    Talent
    Talent Agent
    Tantra
    Tantra-brothas
    Tattoos
    Tax Refund
    Teddy Bears
    Teen Club
    Thanos
    The Bible
    The Force
    The House Of The Man
    The Perfect Man
    Therapy
    The Right Man
    The Sun
    The Universe
    The Wolf
    Think And Grow Rich
    Third Eye
    Thirsty
    Thoroughs
    Thot
    Thots
    Thugs
    Tiara Harris
    Tipping
    Tithe
    Tom Brady
    Touch Football
    Toxic People
    Trades
    Training Day
    Trends
    Trophy Women
    Tyler Perry
    Tyra Banks
    Uber
    Upstream
    Validation
    Vampire Huntress Legend
    Vampire Huntress Legends
    Vampires
    Vasectomy
    Vegan
    Vending
    Video Games
    Visualization
    Vitality
    Wall Street Traders
    Warren Moon
    Warrior
    #wastehistime2016
    Wealth
    Webinar
    White Knight
    Why Men Become Dogs
    Winston Churchill
    Wisdom
    Womanizers
    Women
    Workshops
    Writing
    X-Files
    Yao Nyamekye Morris

    RSS Feed

Copyright 2023 (c) Romuald P. Wills