I write a lot of things regarding male/female relationships that either doesn’t make sense to people or seems like I don’t know what I’m talking about. There’s a reason for that. The reason is one of perspective. Most people can only relate to things that match their own worldview. Indeed most people will only seek out information that validates their perspectives. If something doesn’t validate their perspective they tend to reject the information. That’s the reason why despite all of the books, seminars, coaches, and bloggers out there it seems like relationships are getting worse and not better. Most commentators, including professionals, have only seen a part of the picture and not the whole thing. There were some incidents many years ago that illustrate my point.
When I first published my books I did a lot of seminars. I remember two in particular that stand out because of the contrasts between the participants. The first seminar was with a group of Black professionals. The organizers of the seminar had read my book, Nice Guys and Players, and had pulled my character types out for role play among the participants. They were scary spot on acting out the characters of the Nice Guy, Gamesman, and Masked Man. When they got to Mr. Goodbar the characterization was off. By miles. An interesting thing happened. When the discussion was focused on the first three types the conversation was lively even heated. When I talked about Mr. Goodbar the place was quiet. You could literally hear a pin drop. The concept of a man who had women walk up and drop their panties was alien to most of the people in the room. Well, except for the Goodbar in the corner working his magic on a Buppie with the phat ass booty. He looked at me, gave me a head nod, and went back to work. Like most things I’ve encountered in life I placed the moment in a mental file cabinet to pull out and think about later.
The second incident came a few years later. I was doing a seminar with some true to the game thugs. These were men convicted of minor crimes and were only sitting down with me because a Judge didn’t leave them any choice in the matter. An interesting thing happened. Usually when I discussed my books and ideas with groups the information would be received with disbelief and at times ridiculed because it went against the belief systems of seminar participants. At times I thought maybe I was the one who was off. Then I come across a group of real thugs. An interesting thing happened. After a little bit of an introduction to my books these men opened up about their experiences and told me the contents of my books. Not only did they know about Mr. Goodbar they were Mr. Goodbar. These men were telling me some things that quite frankly a person would be hard-pressed to find a mention of in any form of media.
See here’s the thing. In a previous blog I talked about men and women having two faces, a social face and a sexual face. The social face is the one everyone sees. That’s the face with the business suit, going to the kids’ soccer games, and being good neighbor by keeping the grass cut. Most relationship advice, most discussions about Alpha and Beta Males, most conversations about what women want focus on the social faces. The sexual faces are something completely different. Socially, a person has a professional job, is a good parent, and neighbor. They even go to church regularly. Sexually that person is a swinger who routinely has sex with strangers. The sexual face is how a person behaves in sexual manner. A major problem in relationship discussions is that the focus is on social faces. The whole Alpha Male thing for example is based on a social face. The Alpha Male is supposedly the take charge, center of attention man who gets all the hot women. This of course is based on the assessment of what such a man is doing socially. The man holding court in a bar is only dominating socially. There may be a few women feeling his vibe but trust me they may never go home with him. Many socially dominant men are weak behind closed doors. So why do I say this?
I’m one of those people who has encountered a WHOLE lot of people in life. I personally have been acquainted with many alternative sex workers. We’re talking about Dominatrixes and Tantric Massage workers. I’ve also known phone sex workers, sugar babies, true gold diggers, escorts, and strippers. These women have told me a lot about their clients. We’re not talking losers living in their mom’s basements playing video games all day. The women I talked to told me about encounters with men who were SOCIALLY Alpha Males. Straight up, a dude living in his mom’s basement couldn’t afford most of these women. It’s funny as hell to me that a whole subculture of men focuses on being the Alpha Males they see socially without knowing anything about the sexual faces of these men. Let me share some things about myself to give the reader an idea about why I say the things I say.
In my early twenties I was where many men pay thousands of dollars to get. This was back in the late eighties and early nineties. I was at the top of that thing called game. I had zero anxiety approaching women. To use the street language of the time, I had a “smooth rap.” On top of that my fashion and grooming game was A-1. I also had the status of being of Black man with a degree who was pursuing a post graduate degree. The only real weakness in my game was my weight. Though I’m a natural mesomorph, if I don’t work out consistently I would gain weight. The good thing about me gaining weight is that my body tends to gain evenly and not just in one area such as my stomach. Even though I had extra weight on I carried it very well. At most my weight gave me an average physical appearance which I was able to compensate for by having a smooth rap and wicked fashion game, especially with my shoes.
With my game at the time I was able to date and have sex with some very attractive and shapely women. Now I had still had to put in some work to woo the women. Nobody was sleeping with me on the first date, maybe fourth or fifth date. Of course there were some rejections. Also I did hear the words, “Let’s just be friends.” There were plenty of women in what I call the “Not Sure Zone.” Women in that zone will have a little sexual attraction for a man but not enough to simply drop her panties. A man has to work for a woman in that zone. Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he don’t. Where I was at the time I thought I was at the top of the game. I was getting a LOT of play from attractive women primarily in the six to eight range. Even a few Nines and Tens showed some interest. Then around 1991 I entered the Sexual Shadow World and had my mind blown.
I had started running in the spring of 1990 because a Nine didn’t want to have sex with me because of my weight. I was weighing about 230 and quite frankly getting a little sloppy. During that summer my weight came down to about 215 and to be honest I didn’t think anything of it. I was getting pretty much the same play I was getting before from women in the six to eight range. Then some interesting things happened to take everything to a different level.
The first was that I was in the application process for a certain prominent federal law enforcement agency. I had passed the panel interviews and now had to prepare to pass a physical fitness test. I was required to do a certain number of pushups, sit-ups, and to be able to run 2 miles under 16 minutes. So instead of jogging I had to start running. I had to train more intensely. So starting in the winter of 1990 until the summer of 1991 I dropped even more weight. I went down to 190 pounds of lean muscle mass. I passed the test with flying colors. I was walking around at my optimal physique as the sit-ups had developed my abs and the pushups had developed my arms and chest. Women started going crazy over my body to the point where I would ROUTINELY get approached on the street. Even had some young girls yell out their car windows while I was walking on the street. So I had a body that was attracting women to me. That was one part of the equation. The second part came from some unique individuals.
In the summer of 1991 I encountered some sex workers. For legal reasons I can’t get into the particulars but during that summer I learned a lot about the inner sexual nature of women. It was some things not discussed in public and still isn’t. On the internet now there are some men who called themselves “Red Pill” because they think they know the sexual nature of women. They don’t and they’re deluded. They’ve barely scratched the surface. They don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World. Even some men who get a lot of sex don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World. But I digress.
These sex workers gave me a real education. I already knew a lot from women I had been around as a child but these women took me to a new level. There were also one older man who gave me some insight. One of the reasons I don’t hold what is taught as game on the internet in high regard is because of that man. I’ll call the man James. James was an older Jamaican who had a scary insight into how people behaved psychologically. He could look at someone and tell you what’s going on with them. He would mess with people’s heads just to pass the time. He was especially adept at fucking or as he said “getting some punanny.” He was talking about setting up a 900 line which was popular back then to tell men how to bring a woman to orgasm. He was actually the first man I had met who was talking about satisfying women sexually. Most men fail because they don’t look like they can or even care about getting a woman to orgasm.
The combination of the sex workers and James took me into the Sexual Shadow World. In that world Mr. Goodbar is the Alpha Male. Yet in the social world the same man may be a minimum wage worker or shy in a crowd. In the Sexual Shadow World the men at the top of the pyramid are not the tall good looking men with status or game. Physical appearance is important, indeed of supreme importance but not in the classic way that is important in the social world. First of all a man’s face doesn’t matter as much. In the Sexual Shadow World a good looking face is a bonus but not a necessity. If one takes an honest look at the SEXUALLY attractive people they are rarely very physically attractive in the face. There are exceptions but in general SEXUALLY attractive people have average faces. Don’t believe me? Take a real good look at the men and women who turn on people sexually. All they have in common are great bodies. Many are buttafaces. A good looking face is more important for in the social world. When it comes down to sex, a man just needs a hot body, a decent size dick, and some fair sexual skills.
In this case physical appearance is more about the body, the print, and how the man moves which gives the woman a clue about how he would be in bed. See most of what’s in the media is focused on what women want socially. The key to a woman is what type of man she lusts for. A woman may publically say she wants a man who’s tall, with a good looking face, with status and a decent body. Many women when presented with what they say they want may still reject the man. The reason is that they don’t lust the man. Indeed when many women say they love a man they are really saying they lust him. Socially a woman may want that classic good looking man who seems dominant. Sexually she wants that rough looking man with hard body and big dick who would pound her pussy like it stole something.
A key component to the Nice Guys and Players Philosophy is to be a man who can satisfy a woman’s social needs AND her sexual needs. Despite the talk about there being a shortage of men many women who are even reasonably attractive have two men in their lives. The first man is the socially acceptable boyfriend or husband. The first man takes her out, spends money on her, and provides emotional support. He is acceptable to her friends and family. In many cases he is considered an Alpha Male. The second man is one nobody knows about. His only purpose is to satisfy her lust. He might not be classically handsome, he may be broke, and truth be told not even have what is commonly considered game. He can fuck though. Well.
Now I’m not talking about theory here. During the period I lived in the Sexual Shadow World I would say the OVERWELMING majority of women I dealt with had boyfriends. As far as I know I didn’t mess with any women with husbands. I say as far as I know because women lie more than men. I did know some men who didn’t have a problem with fucking another man’s wife. I seriously consider women hypocrites when they talk about cheating men. When women are in lust they don’t give a fuck. A woman will fuck her best friend and sister’s husbands in a threesome if she lusts them. They will find a rationalization to satisfy their lust. It wasn’t certain trashy women either cheating either. It was something that crossed class lines and even subcultures. I’ve dealt with church girls, nerd girls, and princesses who cheated on their men. Those goody-goody girls can be the worse. The Sexual Shadow World is where that perfect Ten will do the freaky-freaky while tied up.
Here’s the thing. Many men reject what I tell them because it goes against CONVENTIONAL wisdom. There are men out there who think if they just get some plastic surgery all of a sudden they’ll get hot woman. There are men who think if they behave in a dominant manner the women will drop their panties. There are men learning game in their attempts to get hot women or any women. The only thing a man needs to do is develop himself to the point where a woman will LOOK at him and say to herself, “he can get it.” At the point the man needs to be present enough to pick up on her SEXUAL desire. He then needs to be smart enough not to say something stupid and give what one beautiful woman once said, “Instant dryness.”
The only game is lust. If a man wants more and better women he needs to develop his overall physical appearance so that it generates lust. The man also has KNOW that women want sex as much as men. Indeed the truth is the more sexually attractive a woman is the more they will choose a man based on pure lust.
I just gave y’all some raw game. I wonder who will pick up on it. Hit up me here.