The very first thing I published back in 1995 was a short story called “The Perfect Man.” It was a about a man named Mark Black who was in relationships with two different women. With one woman he was the perfect Bourgie Brotha. He had a college degree, a great job, and was content with living a Black Professional lifestyle. He was all about making connections and striving for something more. With the other woman Mark was perfect because he allowed her to control the relationship. All she cared about was that Mark did whatever she wanted him to do. The theme of the story was that Mark was wearing a mask to get sex from these women. He wasn’t interested in living in the world of the Black Bourgeoisie and beyond sex he wouldn’t deal with a woman trying to control him. They fell for him because he was “The Perfect Man.”
Now when I wrote and published the story I wasn’t involved in the relationship advice industry. Honestly didn’t care about it at the time. When I wrote the story my intention was to learn the publishing process. So I printed a few hundred copies of “The Perfect Man” and sold copies to friends at work and also at trade shows. My girlfriend at the time even sold copies to guys who had been trying to hit on her. For some reason they were the most critical. I wonder why? Anyway other than the would-be suitors, the reaction to the story was interesting. Men who read the story identified with a mentor type character in the story named Jim. Jim dropped serious game on Mark. The women who read the story had a more intense reaction.
I wasn’t really trying to make any socio-political statements with the story. Yet many women who read the story said I made them think about their relationship choices. I particularly remember a long conversation with one woman who said my story made her really look at herself in the mirror. A mentor of mine said that a person’s destiny will find them no matter how hard they run. The women’s reaction to my story made me really look at male/female relationships in a different way. Subconsciously when I wrote the story I was expressing an observation I had made since I was little: many women are looking for the Perfect Man.
Women like to say they are looking for a “Real Man.” Most of them who say this are not only lying to other people but to themselves. Now I’ve gone on record as saying I wouldn’t publically teach game. That being said I will share some things if I think the ultimate result will be to help people have better relationships. What I will share now is some realities about male/female dynamics that from what I’ve seen only professional psychologists and counselors have addressed. Unfortunately, these professionals aren’t photogenic enough to get daytime TV shows and thus we listen to loud suited comedians.
Many otherwise intelligent women are secretly looking for a Perfect Man. They may not even be conscious of this search. See it’s not so much about love as it is about LONGING. Many women instead of saying “I love you” to a man should instead say “I long for you.” Thing is they are not longing for an authentic man with the same human flaws as everyone else. They are looking for that superman who can make everything in their lives better and in a nutshell make them feel good. When women have all these multi point lists they are longing for the things they THINK will make them happy. When a woman tells me her list of what she wants in a man I ask her one simple question: Have you ever met a man who has had these qualities? Most women cannot answer this question. Many will be silent or change the subject. A few have mentioned men that looked like they had the qualities they wanted from a distance. My next question is, “Have you been in relationship with this man?” The answer has always been no.
So there’s two problems. One, many women are searching for men they are not even sure exists. Two, even if a woman meets a man who fits her criteria she finds out the hard way that they are not compatible. I’ll get into that later. First I want to talk about what creates this longing in women.
Many women grow up without a father in the home. Many other women will have a father in the home but he was emotionally distant. In a little girl this creates a longing for a connection to her father. It usually doesn’t happen. When the little girl hits puberty and starts lusting for boys she will instinctively look for boys who resemble her father in personality and in some cases, physical appearance. An old saying in the streets is that a thug is very protective of his daughter because he knows she will bring home somebody that is just like him. Now if the father is an outstanding person and involved in his daughter’s life this can be a good thing. Very often it also the reverse. Another rarer dynamic is that the father was very outstanding and no boys measure up in the eyes of the girl. The bottom line is that a girl will develop a longing for a certain type of man. Let’s add some more to this mix.
The first three males a girl sleeps with creates an imprint in a woman’s subconscious. She will subconsciously search for men who have a combination of the personality and physical traits of her first three men. Let’s say a girl’s first three boys were the student class president, the captain of the football team, and the star basketball player. I guarantee when that woman is 35 and unmarried she’s not going to be happy with any man who is not a star. This is regardless of how devoted and loving lesser men are towards her. The first three men for most women though were losers and sadly in many cases degenerate uncles and cousins. In these cases the average woman will look for traits she deems to be opposite of the degenerates. The only problem is that she may not have a living model to go on. This brings me to the next and final ingredient to the mix.
A whole industry exists that plays into the desire for women to have the Perfect Man. That is the romance novel industry. Included in that I would add romantic comedy movies and even some scandalous TV shows. Even reality dating shows play into this desire for the Perfect Man. Now someone may say that the men in these romance novels are far from perfect. I would counter that even their imperfections play to a woman’s desire for a Perfect Man. The problem is that women will read these novels and watch these shows and start to desire the same type of men. See the subconscious doesn’t distinguish between fiction and non-fiction. Now a woman may consciously know that someone like her wouldn’t be able to have an affair with a rich, handsome, and powerful man but in her imagination it’s hot and heavy. The imagination is powerful. If a person imagines they have a Porsche in the driveway long enough one day they will walk outside and wonder why the Porsche isn’t in their driveway. This is why people become delusional.
So all of these factors are going on to cause a woman to look for the Perfect Man. Here’s the REAL game. Most men who become good with getting women play into a woman’s desire for the Perfect Man. That’s it. For me to teach game I would teach a man how to wear the mask of the Perfect Man. Indeed a pragmatic woman who can accept men as they are, flaws and everything, is impossible to game. Indeed pragmatic women are usually the ones who will find happiness with either one man or have several men lined up for her affections. This is the type of woman who can be happy with an average looking man making a modest salary for no other reason than they get along and he’s good to her. Most women though are chasing a fantasy man. Every man they meet no matter how much he has going for him is competing against her idea of the Perfect Man. Let’s me show how this plays out using the four categories of men I talk about.
Mr. Goodbar, more than anything else understands a woman’s desire for a perfect man and plays her like a violin. The things with Mr. Goodbar is two PRIMARY things. One he is physically attractive enough to draw a woman’s attention to him. Though he may not be “damn he’s fine as fuck,” he looks good enough for a woman to at least give him the time of day. The second thing is that a true Mr. Goodbar tends to be emotionally distant. His true secret is NOT his looks. There are handsome Masked Men, Gamesmen, and even Nice Guys. The TRUE Mr. Goodbar by being NATURALLY emotionally distant stimulates a sense of longing in a woman. The average woman confuses longing with being “in love.” Mr. Goodbar knows how to stimulate that sense of longing. Thing is it isn’t something he learned rather something that’s already in his personality. A reality is that Goodbars are born and not made. Most have mommy issues but that’s another blog.
The Masked Man is someone who through hard work has become the image of the Perfect Man. Most women who search for the Perfect Man are middle to upper middle class professionals. Say what you want about ratchets but they tend to be pragmatic. Ratchets typically aren’t reading romance novels and having fantasies about a man’s true nature. In some places that could get them raped and killed. For their very survival they have to face reality. Most game taught on the internet doesn’t work with ratchets. Middle class woman on the other hand tend to be sheltered. Also because of class differences they may not be feeling a dope boy unless he’s extremely fine. The Masked Man appeals primarily to women looking for a professional or successful business owner. In lower class environments women may look for the steady employed blue collar man. For a man to qualify as a Masked Man he has to have not only money but also he HAS to be physically good looking. A man qualifies as a Masked Man when a woman can check off most of her list when she meets him. The thing is he may not stimulate that DEEP longing in her but she will tell herself that he has the traits to make her happy.
The major issue women will have with Mr. Goodbar and the Masked Man is compatibility. Beyond sex, most women are not going to get along with Mr. Goodbar. Emotional distance may create sexual tension but will not work when a couple needs to plan a life together. With Masked man, women find that once they get past the mask they are disappointed and incompatible with the man under the mask. Many women who marry rich and handsome men end up cheating with an broke average man for no other reason than that they have compatible personalities.
The Gamesman doesn’t stimulate longing in most women and he doesn’t fit the image of the Perfect Man. Women settle for him or try to change him into the image of the Perfect Man. The Gamesman wins by being persistent with women. Most women are annoyed by Gamesmen which is the real issue with the anti-street harassment campaigns.
The Nice Guy’s issue is that he definitely doesn’t fit the image of the Perfect Man. He’s not emotionally distant enough to stimulate a woman’s longing and he tends to be average looking. Indeed the Nice guy tends to be emotionally available. This doesn't turn a woman on. Even if he is good looking it doesn’t come across as erotically stimulating to a woman. Even if he making six figures and owns a big house and car, his affluence may not come across in his visual presentation to the woman.
I have talked with literally thousands of women in my nearly fifty years of life on this planet. Many women honestly want to know why they keep getting played. It’s how they are choosing the men. Men are only REACTING to women’s choices. If women collectively said they wanted pirates, within a month most men will be walking around with eye patches and parrots on their shoulders. A whole industry to cater to this would spring up overnight. The men who are great in the game have simply figured out how to be perfect in a woman’s eyes long enough to get sex. If woman want a change they have to examine their desire for the Perfect Man.
Now when I wrote and published the story I wasn’t involved in the relationship advice industry. Honestly didn’t care about it at the time. When I wrote the story my intention was to learn the publishing process. So I printed a few hundred copies of “The Perfect Man” and sold copies to friends at work and also at trade shows. My girlfriend at the time even sold copies to guys who had been trying to hit on her. For some reason they were the most critical. I wonder why? Anyway other than the would-be suitors, the reaction to the story was interesting. Men who read the story identified with a mentor type character in the story named Jim. Jim dropped serious game on Mark. The women who read the story had a more intense reaction.
I wasn’t really trying to make any socio-political statements with the story. Yet many women who read the story said I made them think about their relationship choices. I particularly remember a long conversation with one woman who said my story made her really look at herself in the mirror. A mentor of mine said that a person’s destiny will find them no matter how hard they run. The women’s reaction to my story made me really look at male/female relationships in a different way. Subconsciously when I wrote the story I was expressing an observation I had made since I was little: many women are looking for the Perfect Man.
Women like to say they are looking for a “Real Man.” Most of them who say this are not only lying to other people but to themselves. Now I’ve gone on record as saying I wouldn’t publically teach game. That being said I will share some things if I think the ultimate result will be to help people have better relationships. What I will share now is some realities about male/female dynamics that from what I’ve seen only professional psychologists and counselors have addressed. Unfortunately, these professionals aren’t photogenic enough to get daytime TV shows and thus we listen to loud suited comedians.
Many otherwise intelligent women are secretly looking for a Perfect Man. They may not even be conscious of this search. See it’s not so much about love as it is about LONGING. Many women instead of saying “I love you” to a man should instead say “I long for you.” Thing is they are not longing for an authentic man with the same human flaws as everyone else. They are looking for that superman who can make everything in their lives better and in a nutshell make them feel good. When women have all these multi point lists they are longing for the things they THINK will make them happy. When a woman tells me her list of what she wants in a man I ask her one simple question: Have you ever met a man who has had these qualities? Most women cannot answer this question. Many will be silent or change the subject. A few have mentioned men that looked like they had the qualities they wanted from a distance. My next question is, “Have you been in relationship with this man?” The answer has always been no.
So there’s two problems. One, many women are searching for men they are not even sure exists. Two, even if a woman meets a man who fits her criteria she finds out the hard way that they are not compatible. I’ll get into that later. First I want to talk about what creates this longing in women.
Many women grow up without a father in the home. Many other women will have a father in the home but he was emotionally distant. In a little girl this creates a longing for a connection to her father. It usually doesn’t happen. When the little girl hits puberty and starts lusting for boys she will instinctively look for boys who resemble her father in personality and in some cases, physical appearance. An old saying in the streets is that a thug is very protective of his daughter because he knows she will bring home somebody that is just like him. Now if the father is an outstanding person and involved in his daughter’s life this can be a good thing. Very often it also the reverse. Another rarer dynamic is that the father was very outstanding and no boys measure up in the eyes of the girl. The bottom line is that a girl will develop a longing for a certain type of man. Let’s add some more to this mix.
The first three males a girl sleeps with creates an imprint in a woman’s subconscious. She will subconsciously search for men who have a combination of the personality and physical traits of her first three men. Let’s say a girl’s first three boys were the student class president, the captain of the football team, and the star basketball player. I guarantee when that woman is 35 and unmarried she’s not going to be happy with any man who is not a star. This is regardless of how devoted and loving lesser men are towards her. The first three men for most women though were losers and sadly in many cases degenerate uncles and cousins. In these cases the average woman will look for traits she deems to be opposite of the degenerates. The only problem is that she may not have a living model to go on. This brings me to the next and final ingredient to the mix.
A whole industry exists that plays into the desire for women to have the Perfect Man. That is the romance novel industry. Included in that I would add romantic comedy movies and even some scandalous TV shows. Even reality dating shows play into this desire for the Perfect Man. Now someone may say that the men in these romance novels are far from perfect. I would counter that even their imperfections play to a woman’s desire for a Perfect Man. The problem is that women will read these novels and watch these shows and start to desire the same type of men. See the subconscious doesn’t distinguish between fiction and non-fiction. Now a woman may consciously know that someone like her wouldn’t be able to have an affair with a rich, handsome, and powerful man but in her imagination it’s hot and heavy. The imagination is powerful. If a person imagines they have a Porsche in the driveway long enough one day they will walk outside and wonder why the Porsche isn’t in their driveway. This is why people become delusional.
So all of these factors are going on to cause a woman to look for the Perfect Man. Here’s the REAL game. Most men who become good with getting women play into a woman’s desire for the Perfect Man. That’s it. For me to teach game I would teach a man how to wear the mask of the Perfect Man. Indeed a pragmatic woman who can accept men as they are, flaws and everything, is impossible to game. Indeed pragmatic women are usually the ones who will find happiness with either one man or have several men lined up for her affections. This is the type of woman who can be happy with an average looking man making a modest salary for no other reason than they get along and he’s good to her. Most women though are chasing a fantasy man. Every man they meet no matter how much he has going for him is competing against her idea of the Perfect Man. Let’s me show how this plays out using the four categories of men I talk about.
Mr. Goodbar, more than anything else understands a woman’s desire for a perfect man and plays her like a violin. The things with Mr. Goodbar is two PRIMARY things. One he is physically attractive enough to draw a woman’s attention to him. Though he may not be “damn he’s fine as fuck,” he looks good enough for a woman to at least give him the time of day. The second thing is that a true Mr. Goodbar tends to be emotionally distant. His true secret is NOT his looks. There are handsome Masked Men, Gamesmen, and even Nice Guys. The TRUE Mr. Goodbar by being NATURALLY emotionally distant stimulates a sense of longing in a woman. The average woman confuses longing with being “in love.” Mr. Goodbar knows how to stimulate that sense of longing. Thing is it isn’t something he learned rather something that’s already in his personality. A reality is that Goodbars are born and not made. Most have mommy issues but that’s another blog.
The Masked Man is someone who through hard work has become the image of the Perfect Man. Most women who search for the Perfect Man are middle to upper middle class professionals. Say what you want about ratchets but they tend to be pragmatic. Ratchets typically aren’t reading romance novels and having fantasies about a man’s true nature. In some places that could get them raped and killed. For their very survival they have to face reality. Most game taught on the internet doesn’t work with ratchets. Middle class woman on the other hand tend to be sheltered. Also because of class differences they may not be feeling a dope boy unless he’s extremely fine. The Masked Man appeals primarily to women looking for a professional or successful business owner. In lower class environments women may look for the steady employed blue collar man. For a man to qualify as a Masked Man he has to have not only money but also he HAS to be physically good looking. A man qualifies as a Masked Man when a woman can check off most of her list when she meets him. The thing is he may not stimulate that DEEP longing in her but she will tell herself that he has the traits to make her happy.
The major issue women will have with Mr. Goodbar and the Masked Man is compatibility. Beyond sex, most women are not going to get along with Mr. Goodbar. Emotional distance may create sexual tension but will not work when a couple needs to plan a life together. With Masked man, women find that once they get past the mask they are disappointed and incompatible with the man under the mask. Many women who marry rich and handsome men end up cheating with an broke average man for no other reason than that they have compatible personalities.
The Gamesman doesn’t stimulate longing in most women and he doesn’t fit the image of the Perfect Man. Women settle for him or try to change him into the image of the Perfect Man. The Gamesman wins by being persistent with women. Most women are annoyed by Gamesmen which is the real issue with the anti-street harassment campaigns.
The Nice Guy’s issue is that he definitely doesn’t fit the image of the Perfect Man. He’s not emotionally distant enough to stimulate a woman’s longing and he tends to be average looking. Indeed the Nice guy tends to be emotionally available. This doesn't turn a woman on. Even if he is good looking it doesn’t come across as erotically stimulating to a woman. Even if he making six figures and owns a big house and car, his affluence may not come across in his visual presentation to the woman.
I have talked with literally thousands of women in my nearly fifty years of life on this planet. Many women honestly want to know why they keep getting played. It’s how they are choosing the men. Men are only REACTING to women’s choices. If women collectively said they wanted pirates, within a month most men will be walking around with eye patches and parrots on their shoulders. A whole industry to cater to this would spring up overnight. The men who are great in the game have simply figured out how to be perfect in a woman’s eyes long enough to get sex. If woman want a change they have to examine their desire for the Perfect Man.
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