When a woman places a man into the Nice Guy category she is not necessarily saying that he is a “good” person. “Nice” is womanese for “doesn’t turn her on sexually.” That’s it. Many men in the Nice Guy category are assholes and after talking with them for as little as a few minutes it’s easy to see why women are not feeling them. Contrary to popular belief women really don’t like assholes. Now I know we have all seen a beautiful woman in the company of a man we know to be a jerk. The issue is men tend to assume it was the man’s behavior that got the woman. I’ve talked to women who get with “bad boys.” In EVERY case the woman will say one of two things. They will say that they find the man very physically attractive or they will find the man very sexually attractive. Now some men looking from the outside will say that the bad boys were ugly so it must have been their personality. Bullshit. A heterosexual man CANNOT look at another man and see what a woman SEES and most importantly FEELS. The simple reason is that men do not have vaginas.
So a Nice Guy is simply someone who doesn’t turn on women. It has nothing to do with his actual personality. Now there is another type of Nice Guy that turns on women. These are the men women are talking about when they say they want a “Nice Guy.” For the sake of identification I will call these men, “Do Right Men.” This is a term that was used back in the day to describe men who were genuine good men. They were “good peoples” as we also said back in the day.
The Do Right Man is the type of man who isn’t trying to be a womanizer. This cat wants to be in a relationship with a good woman. The Do Right Man stays out of trouble. He is sincere in whatever spiritual path he chooses to follow. He is very hard-working and responsible. Even though some women may call him lame or corny he isn’t a punk. If he has to throw hands he can do so with the best of them. The Do Right Man isn’t male model handsome and he doesn’t give women an immediate vagina tingle. He’s a regular dude just trying to make it in the world. Many of them go a step beyond and try to make a difference in their communities whether it is coaching a youth football team or mentoring young boys in their neighborhoods. To be honest with you they are not among the select group of men. Yet they are the ones that win in the end. I’ll explain why I say that.
What I do is pay attention to sexual dynamics and politics. In doing that I pay close attention to the men who are successful in their relationship goals. On the surface it looks like Mr. Goodbar is successful. Mr. Goodbar gets the most sex but many reach old age alone. Many Mr. Goodbars have confided in me about how jacked up their lives really are. Many Masked Men go through life afraid to take off their masks because they know they will be rejected. Gamesmen are not winning the relationship sweepstakes even though they delude themselves into thinking otherwise. The average Nice Guy becomes bitter and drops out of the game. The men who are the most successful in reaching their relationship goals are the Do Right Men.
Let’s be clear about the Do Right Men. They don’t just meet Ms. Right and live happily ever after. The Do Right Man has to go through some stuff to get to the right woman. Straight up the average Do Right Man will not meet that right woman until his late thirties, or early forties. Some don’t meet that right woman until they are in their fifties. Now I know what I wrote has just depressed some men but I keep it raw. Too many men fantasize about that twenty year old with the pretty face and tight body but a big problem in the Male Dating Advice Industry is that too many men have unrealistic notions about male/female relationships. First of all a person will only be in the 18 – 25 years of their life for a little while. What about the rest of their lives? Also that woman who is 120 lbs. at 22 years old may be 220 lbs. at the age of 32. The reality is that VERY few men are going to meet a woman who is right for them in their early twenties. Anybody telling you otherwise is scamming you.
The Do Right Man is going to have to go through some things to get to that right woman. The issue is not so much him. Yes all men need to be working to improve themselves but a reality is that many women out here are wack. One problem in the dating world is that it is considered okay to criticize men for any perceived shortcomings but it is considered bashing if men criticize women. Whatever. The reality is that many women out here got major work to do. Now the Do Right Man is going to go through a negative women. Let me count the ways.
The Do Right Man by his very nature is a responsible mature man. A criticism, if one can call it that, is that the Do Right Man isn’t the life of the party type of dude. Many women are turned off by mature acting men. Many women, including many who are in their thirties, forties, and sadly their fifties are immature. They are LITTLE GIRLS.
Here’s some raw game for the reader. I always do categories of men but in my notes and observations there are several categories of women. There are two general categories of females. There are Little Girls and there are Grown Women. Little Girls on the surface may look like productive members of society. They may have a degree, good paying job, a house, car, and good credit. Emotionally, however, they are little girls. If you think about little girls two things stand out. One, they are “me, me, me.” Everything is about satisfying their ego. Two, and this ties in closely with the first, is that they get caught up in romantic illusions. These are the women in their forties who are SINCERELY looking for Prince Charming. Regardless of what they have to offer they want a tall, rich, and handsome man. These women live in fantasy land. They can have a great man and break up with him or divorce him because he’s not romantic enough in their eyes. Little Girls only want to receive but they never really give anything.
The Grown Woman in contrast is very giving. She doesn’t have a problem catering to a man. She’ll make a big dinner for him and be submissive. She knows that she will get back what she gives. When the Grown Woman mates she doesn’t do so based on romantic notions. The Grown Woman is realistic. She don’t have time for the romantic illusion bullshit. She appreciates flowers and a romantic dinner but she also appreciates a hardworking man who’s going to be responsible and handle his business with respect to the family. The Grown Woman don’t have time for Little Girl games. The Grown Woman has a lot of common sense. At the same time while she is giving and submissive she doesn’t take any bullshit off of a man. She doesn’t mess with little boys. A man has to come correct with a Grown Woman.
Before I go further I want to say something about the whole submission thing which seems to be a dirty word with many women. My thing is this, submission works the best with getting a man. I’ve known both submissive and non-submissive women. The non-submissive women are usually by themselves. If they get a man he's a weak man they don’t respect and thus they are unfulfilled in their relationships. Many non-submissive women are suffering depression and have other mental health issues because they don’t have a man even though they present a strong mask publically. In contrast most submissive women I have encountered are happy and will have a man who is working two jobs to keep them happy. If that man slips there are usually three or more men waiting in the cut to take his place. Think on following:
A WOMAN BY BEING SUBMISSIVE HAS MORE CONTROL OVER A MAN THAN A NON-SUBMISSIVE WOMAN.
Chew on that for a bit.
Back to the regularly scheduled blog, Do Right Men do not attract Little Girls. That’s not a bad thing. At the time it seems bad. A man works hard, does the right thing, volunteers to mentor young boys, goes to church and yet he sees the sexually attractive women fight over the chronically unemployed loser with his pants hanging off his ass. The Do Right Man should count his blessings. A woman will always be attracted to her inner reflection. If a woman rejects a Do Right Man that means she is not a Do Right Woman. She is not Grown Woman, she is a Little Girl. Even in rejection the Do Right Man wins. Many good men are getting their checks garnished because they got caught up with a Little Girl. Many good men are paying for children that are not biologically theirs as paternity fraud is big. Even in being rejected Do Right Man wins.
The Do Right Man as long as he keeps his integrity and continues to stand up always attracts the Grown Women. Now he will go through some stuff to get there. Let there be no illusions. The Do Right Man may have to go through a bad marriage, a bad relationship, and even some baby mama drama. That’s life though. Life isn’t supposed to be a picnic. People have to work for whatever they want and they will be tested. I’m here to say that if they pass the test they win.
To the Do Right Men reading this, keep doing you. I know it seems like the women are preferring bad boys or thugs. Those are Little Girls and thank whichever Deity you worship that these females passed you by. Steel is forged through fire and sharpened by other steel. Life is that fire. Relationship disappointments are that steel. Don’t get bitter and realize that at the end of the day you will stand triumphant.