In the fifteen years since the publication of Nice Guys and Players I've had discussions, comments, and reviews on various sections of the book. The only exception though has been the chapter titled "Sexual Chemistry." Only TWO reviews in fifteen years have even referenced this chapter. Even then only one sentence was quoted. I find that ironic because it's probably the ONE chapter in the book that a man seeking to improve with women NEEDS to read. The following are a few excerpts from that chapter.
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Now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. Let’s talk about sexual issues. Sex is the one area that causes more trouble in a relationship than money or nosey girlfriends. Sex is really the major difference between a nice guy and a player. The most consistent statement by women about the nice guys is that they are not good in bed. If they were good in bed they wouldn’t be nice guys. They would be called Mr. Right.
The nice guy has read through the previous chapters and learned some stuff and the player has read through thinking about what he could add. Both have taken steps to improve themselves. So here you have a man who has worked out, bought some nice clothes, shined his shoes, and is more aggressive and confident. Women start to check him out. He manages to have sex with a woman. After they are through he is on top of the world because the woman was so fine. She would have had more fun watching paint dry. Despite the promise of a great night of passion she was left high and dry. Now what?
The sexual needs of many women are usually unmet EVEN when they are in steady relationships. Too many men only want to get theirs and may be fooled by women faking orgasms. The biggest single reason players get attention even when women know they are rotten is that the player is perceived to be better in bed than the nice guy. Now I can hear the nice guys now. “But I’m so romantic.” “I make love in hotel rooms with rose petals and fine wine.” “I take two hours in foreplay.” Fellas, all of this is irrelevant if you don’t turn on the woman to begin with.
One of the sad things about sexuality in American society is despite the fact that it’s so much a part of our culture nobody really talks about what it really takes for satisfaction. It is especially sad that many relationships are destroyed because both men and women are not being satisfied. There are too many books out there about sexual satisfaction that to me are too clinical. Let me break it down for everybody. Sexual satisfaction by Rom.
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A woman feels good when she is aroused. A man who can appeal to a woman’s senses and mind will usually be chosen. An aroused woman is under a powerful influence. She is under romantic intoxication. Romance, when you break it down, is nothing more than a form of arousal. Those flowers, dinners, and getaways are designed to arouse women. Romance novels are popular for that reason. Romantic intoxication is worse than any other addiction. Women will change personalities while addicted to romance. They become more excited, their skin tingles, they get butterflies, and they begin to glow. Women have left their families, jobs, and friends to feed this addiction. A woman will sleep with her best friend’s husband while romantically intoxicated. Players can keep a woman in a state of romantic intoxication. Nice guys fail to do this. A man skilled in the art of arousal, yes, it is an art, can manipulate a woman to the point where he can get anything he wants from her. Good, responsible men need to develop their arousal skills not only to keep their women happy but also to protect them from the more predatory players. The man who masters the art of arousing his woman need not fear competition.
Unfortunately, too many men don’t feel it’s their job to make women feel good. Too many men believe all they have to do is be responsible and stay out of trouble. They feel the woman is responsible for her own happiness. To some extent she is, but all women, regardless of how strong they think they are, need a man in their lives. And men need women. There are men out there who are confident, aggressive and look good. They fail with women because they don’t take any actions to make women feel good. Then they get mad at the women for not wanting them. Women want men who can make them feel good.
Women have dual sexual needs. Most women are only partially aroused because most men don’t satisfy both physical and mental needs. This is why most women don’t have orgasms on a regular basis. A woman must be fully aroused to reach orgasm. That’s why many women have two men in their lives: The Player to take care of their physical needs and the nice guy to take care of their mental needs.
*************************
Plenty of men are handsome, charming, and confident. These men get attention from the ladies because of these qualities. Despite these qualities, these men may still have trouble arousing women. These qualities are important but more is needed. To generate sexual chemistry with a woman a man must be able to release his inner masculine. Men today are a mere shadow of what they could be. Many men are putting on a façade to get along in life. Many are wearing masks to conform to the social and political climate. This is especially the case when men deal with women. Men in the four categories behave this way. Mr. Goodbar plays to the sexual needs of women. The Masked Man hides his true face. The Nice Guy believes that women will come to him if he is nice enough. The Gamesman is busy playing games. All of these men are suppressing their inner masculine energy.
So what is the inner masculine energy? Let me break it down. Just as the inner feminine energy is receptive, the inner masculine energy is assertive. Sperm goes out from the man. The inner masculine is protective. It desires to protect those associated with it. The inner masculine is disciplined. The inner masculine is will power. The inner masculine faces its fears. Most men in American society suppress their inner masculine. As a result of political and social changes over the last few decades in American society, men are burying their true selves. Many men are not protecting their women and children. Many are abusing their families. Too many men are not assertive. They are passive in the face of everyday life. Many men are not disciplined. Many lack will power. A man in touch with his inner masculine will have a burning desire to control his own destiny. He will want to control his life. Which man in the four categories can truly say they control their life? Mr. Goodbar? His ego is in control. The Masked Man? He is afraid to show his true face. The Nice Guy? He is playing a game of make believe. He believes women should want him because he is so nice. The Gamesman? He is all about lies. The man who expresses his inner masculine is the Real Man. He is real because he expresses his true self.
**************************
Now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. Let’s talk about sexual issues. Sex is the one area that causes more trouble in a relationship than money or nosey girlfriends. Sex is really the major difference between a nice guy and a player. The most consistent statement by women about the nice guys is that they are not good in bed. If they were good in bed they wouldn’t be nice guys. They would be called Mr. Right.
The nice guy has read through the previous chapters and learned some stuff and the player has read through thinking about what he could add. Both have taken steps to improve themselves. So here you have a man who has worked out, bought some nice clothes, shined his shoes, and is more aggressive and confident. Women start to check him out. He manages to have sex with a woman. After they are through he is on top of the world because the woman was so fine. She would have had more fun watching paint dry. Despite the promise of a great night of passion she was left high and dry. Now what?
The sexual needs of many women are usually unmet EVEN when they are in steady relationships. Too many men only want to get theirs and may be fooled by women faking orgasms. The biggest single reason players get attention even when women know they are rotten is that the player is perceived to be better in bed than the nice guy. Now I can hear the nice guys now. “But I’m so romantic.” “I make love in hotel rooms with rose petals and fine wine.” “I take two hours in foreplay.” Fellas, all of this is irrelevant if you don’t turn on the woman to begin with.
One of the sad things about sexuality in American society is despite the fact that it’s so much a part of our culture nobody really talks about what it really takes for satisfaction. It is especially sad that many relationships are destroyed because both men and women are not being satisfied. There are too many books out there about sexual satisfaction that to me are too clinical. Let me break it down for everybody. Sexual satisfaction by Rom.
*************************
A woman feels good when she is aroused. A man who can appeal to a woman’s senses and mind will usually be chosen. An aroused woman is under a powerful influence. She is under romantic intoxication. Romance, when you break it down, is nothing more than a form of arousal. Those flowers, dinners, and getaways are designed to arouse women. Romance novels are popular for that reason. Romantic intoxication is worse than any other addiction. Women will change personalities while addicted to romance. They become more excited, their skin tingles, they get butterflies, and they begin to glow. Women have left their families, jobs, and friends to feed this addiction. A woman will sleep with her best friend’s husband while romantically intoxicated. Players can keep a woman in a state of romantic intoxication. Nice guys fail to do this. A man skilled in the art of arousal, yes, it is an art, can manipulate a woman to the point where he can get anything he wants from her. Good, responsible men need to develop their arousal skills not only to keep their women happy but also to protect them from the more predatory players. The man who masters the art of arousing his woman need not fear competition.
Unfortunately, too many men don’t feel it’s their job to make women feel good. Too many men believe all they have to do is be responsible and stay out of trouble. They feel the woman is responsible for her own happiness. To some extent she is, but all women, regardless of how strong they think they are, need a man in their lives. And men need women. There are men out there who are confident, aggressive and look good. They fail with women because they don’t take any actions to make women feel good. Then they get mad at the women for not wanting them. Women want men who can make them feel good.
Women have dual sexual needs. Most women are only partially aroused because most men don’t satisfy both physical and mental needs. This is why most women don’t have orgasms on a regular basis. A woman must be fully aroused to reach orgasm. That’s why many women have two men in their lives: The Player to take care of their physical needs and the nice guy to take care of their mental needs.
*************************
Plenty of men are handsome, charming, and confident. These men get attention from the ladies because of these qualities. Despite these qualities, these men may still have trouble arousing women. These qualities are important but more is needed. To generate sexual chemistry with a woman a man must be able to release his inner masculine. Men today are a mere shadow of what they could be. Many men are putting on a façade to get along in life. Many are wearing masks to conform to the social and political climate. This is especially the case when men deal with women. Men in the four categories behave this way. Mr. Goodbar plays to the sexual needs of women. The Masked Man hides his true face. The Nice Guy believes that women will come to him if he is nice enough. The Gamesman is busy playing games. All of these men are suppressing their inner masculine energy.
So what is the inner masculine energy? Let me break it down. Just as the inner feminine energy is receptive, the inner masculine energy is assertive. Sperm goes out from the man. The inner masculine is protective. It desires to protect those associated with it. The inner masculine is disciplined. The inner masculine is will power. The inner masculine faces its fears. Most men in American society suppress their inner masculine. As a result of political and social changes over the last few decades in American society, men are burying their true selves. Many men are not protecting their women and children. Many are abusing their families. Too many men are not assertive. They are passive in the face of everyday life. Many men are not disciplined. Many lack will power. A man in touch with his inner masculine will have a burning desire to control his own destiny. He will want to control his life. Which man in the four categories can truly say they control their life? Mr. Goodbar? His ego is in control. The Masked Man? He is afraid to show his true face. The Nice Guy? He is playing a game of make believe. He believes women should want him because he is so nice. The Gamesman? He is all about lies. The man who expresses his inner masculine is the Real Man. He is real because he expresses his true self.
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