Category:

Big Rom Replay: That Cool Dude

8/6/2016

The following blog was originally published on June 8, 2014.

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There are different types of players out there.  Different groups of men use different methods to effectively attract and seduce women.   The most obvious ones use looks and status.    You have the Dexter Goodbars of the world who use raw sex appeal to get women.  That never fails.  Works a little too well.  Ask me how I know.   Then you have the Eric Money’s of the world.  Oh wait I haven’t told you about Eric Money have I?   Eric Money is that successful cat who had to work his way to the top.  He wasn’t born with good genetics like Dexter.  Eric had to work hard to keep his body tight and his grooming on point.   Eric had to develop the confidence that comes from a man succeeding in life.   He also needs to have that status with the professional career (doctor, lawyer, accountant) with a big house/condo in an exclusive neighborhood with the latest model luxury car.   Eric can turn on women enough sexually and can take care of her material needs.  Eric Money is the man women want for the long term.  I’m going have Eric do a guest blog soon.

          Then you got Larry Gamer.   Larry gets the least amount of play from women even though he thinks he gets the most.  After all he has attended numerous seminars on how to pick up women, and he reads all the books.   On top of that he is on several websites and social media pages soaking up game.   Larry isn’t a pretty boy like Dexter and can’t afford one thousand dollar tailored suits like Eric.   Larry just got his game.  So he goes and hits on every reasonably attractive woman he sees, young and old for a couple of weeks until he runs into Jane Basic who is inexperienced with men but still isn’t inclined to give up the goodies to anybody other than Dexter or Eric.   Larry’s decent enough though so she lets him slob her down and suck her breasts.  Of course Larry gets on a player website and makes it seem like Jane fucked him like a porn star.

         Of course, I don’t have to say too much about Charlie Nice.  He could give a guided tour of the friend zone.   Being nice is Charlie’s game though.  He believes what women say publically and in the media about what they want in a man.   Now many men think these women are lying publically.  They’re not.  The message is just not meant for the Larry Gamers and the Charlie Nices of the world.   When women say they want “nice guys” they want Dexter and Eric to give them some attention.  Dexter’s too busy looking at the tattoos on a woman’s back and Eric is taking another vacation in Brazil.

          See there’s another cat out there I haven’t talk about.   There’s some outliers in the male population.   One of them is Jimmy Cool.   See Jimmy ain’t fine like Dexter.   He ain’t bone ugly either.  He alright.  A woman will hold his hand walking down the street and introduce him to Big Mama.   He doesn’t have Eric’s status and money.   He keeps a steady job though.   He can keep his rent and car note paid.   He doesn’t run game like Larry.  Jimmy got better things to do than chase women who don’t want him all day.   Jimmy has never really seen the inside of the friend zone like Charlie.  If a woman is his friend, she’s his friend.   There’s no ulterior motive on Jimmy’s part.  Once Jimmy sees a woman as a friend she becomes like a sister to him and he doesn’t have any sexual desire for her.   At the same time even if a woman doesn’t see him as a romantic partner she never friend zones him because by Jimmy’s nature the potential is always there for more.  So what’s Jimmy’s secret? He’s just a cool ass dude.

         Let me be raw about it.  Too many of you bamas out here are too pressed for pussy.  Men are stressing the hell out of women.   Seriously, nothing gets on a woman’s nerves more than a man who’s in her face and she doesn’t want him.   Now most women will try to be polite about it and let the man know in different ways that she isn’t interested.   Some men think they are doing something by being persistent anyway.  Usually the Larry Gamer types.  See Jimmy is Dexter’s cousin.   He knows that when a woman chooses a man she will find a way to let him know.   So Jimmy sits backs and do what he do.   If she chooses he decides whether he wants to choose her back and they go from there.

         That’s the thing about a woman’s choice, a man can try to influence it by hitting the gym, making some money, or running some game.  Ultimately though it’s the woman choice though.   A man can’t control the woman but he can control himself.   A cool dude isn’t going to stress because a woman isn’t sexually interested in him.   That's life.  A cool dude knows that every woman isn’t going to want him.  He just moves on.  If the woman is good peoples he may allow a friendship to develop.  If not, whatever.   They go live their lives.

          Being cool is not about wearing the latest fashions, and knowing the latest slang.  Being cool is simply about at peace with a particular situation.  Being cool is about being calm within yourself.  A wise person knows not to take anything personally.  In martial traditions, the warrior is taught how to stay calm in the midst of battle.  By staying calm he can gain victory.   It’s the same thing with men pursuing women.   Too many men get upset when a woman rejects them and go through all sorts of emotional turmoil.   The cool dude is like whatever.

          Let me school you for a second about rejection.  Rejection is a beautiful thing.   A woman will tell a man where he stands as a man right away.  The smart man learns from rejection.   Personally I have grown more from women who have rejected me than women who have cooperated with me.   When a woman rejects a man she is telling her truth.  The man may not agree with it but it’s her truth.   She is a mirror showing him who he is and what he needs to work on.   I mentioned in a previous blog that a woman rejected me for sex because of my weight.   Now what if she had sex with me anyway which women will sometimes do even if they are not attracted to the man?   I wouldn’t have thought about losing the weight, I wouldn’t have attracted the very sexy women I would later get,  I wouldn’t have my sons bothering me right now about getting on the computer while I’m typing this, and I wouldn’t have the impact I’ve had on people’s lives with my books.   I accomplished a lot because I was cool with a rejection.

        On another tip Women are simply attracted to cool men.  The average woman has a lot of emotional turmoil.   Very often they will gravitate towards that man who radiates a cool, calm energy.  That man they can just “chill” with.   Now say a man doesn’t have looks, money, or game.  By cultivating that cool vibe he can draw women to him like a magnet.  Say you have a woman, Vanessa Brickhouse.  She has a beautiful face, and that thick/slim type of body where she is at that middle point between fat and slim.   She can’t walk down the street in peace.  She can’t even relax at a family gathering because Uncle Junior is always trying to feel her up.   Vanessa don’t have too many female friends.  Women don’t want the competition and some of her attached friends don’t want her around their boyfriends/husbands.   She spends a lot of time by herself.   So Vanessa’s in a grocery store wearing sweats and a baseball cap when she notices Jimmy Cool going through the kale greens.   Jimmy glances her way and goes back to picking out greens for his Grandmother.  He then leaves the section.   Vanessa sees him in a couple of sections and he still ignores her.

          Finally, she sees him in the ice cream section and she acts like she’s looking for the same thing.  They strike up a conversation.   Vanessa notes that Jimmy isn’t coming on strong to her, he’s calm and controlled.   She does feel sexual heat from him because she sees his print. No heterosexual man is THAT damn cool. Vanessa even in sweats got a phat ass. Despite that Jimmy is very respectful by keeping his eyes on her face.   They talk, they vibe, and they decide to meet at a coffee shop later.   Later at the coffee shop they vibe so much that they decide to continue the conversation at her place.  From the living room they make it to the bedroom.

           Now what did Jimmy do?  By being cool he allowed Vanessa to get comfortable in his presence.  The average woman is defensive and unable to relax with men.  That’s because the average man is trying so hard to get in a woman’s panties that she can’t let down her guard.  In order to truly sexually arouse a woman a man has to let her be free in his presence.   In this society we force women to wear masks to cover their sexual faces.   The man has to be cool and calm to the point where a woman feels safe in taking off her mask.   A man has to not only be cool within himself but cool with a woman’s sexual nature.   Most men are judgmental.   They want a woman who can fuck them like a porn star but then call her a slut when she actually does so.   That’s not cool.  Let me tell you something about me.  I know what I know about women because I don’t judge them sexually.   Women will tell me everything once they see how cool I am.   There are a bunch of cats out here who call themselves “Red Pill” who think they know the real deal with women.   They don’t.   They see PARTS of the reality but not the big picture.   The big picture would cause a lot of men to commit suicide.  The shit is cold-blooded when you really see it.   That’s all I say about that.

           Anyway if you a man and you know you’re not 6’2” with pretty eyes and an eight pack.  You don’t have that six figure job and loft condo in an exclusive neighborhood.   You don’t have tactics and techniques which may give you a fighting chance.   That’s okay.  Learn to be cool with women.   You might not ignite that instant spark but sometimes that slow building fire is just as good, even better.

           Alright y’all be cool.

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Podcast: All About Evolution

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Visit Rom Wills - Raw

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Video: Perceptions of the Game

6/5/2016

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The Sexual Nature of a Woman

5/15/2016

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The following is an excerpt from my latest book, "A Player's Eyes."

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   When I was seven years old my uncle came by the house to take me to church.   My uncle was the coolest, smoothest dude I knew in my brief life up to that point. He was a police detective who rolled like Shaft and looked like Billy Dee Williams.   Denzel Washington’s character, Alonzo Harris, from the movie Training Day had nothing on my uncle.   So when he got to the house he looked at me and was visibly disappointed.   My hair wasn’t combed.   Before we left he made sure my hair was right and then we left for church. In the car he let me have it. He actually raised his voice to me.   He talked about the importance of looking good.   He then asked if I had a girlfriend. I told him no.   I’m thinking to myself that I’m seven, what I need with a girlfriend. He told me if I had a girlfriend she would break up with me for looking so raggedy.   That was one of my earliest lessons in the game of boy gets girl.   The lesson was that looks matter to women.

            In the popular culture and indeed in conventional beliefs there is the notion that looks don’t matter to women as much as they do with men.   Even when women do say that looks matter they will put it low on the list of priorities of what they want in a man.   I’m throwing a flag on that. Fifteen yard penalty for unsportsmanlike bullshit.    The reality is that not only do looks matter but they matter more to women than they do to men.   This is especially true in sexual matters.   When women look for long term partners such as boyfriends and husbands they will look at personality compatibility, social class, money, religious affiliation, political views, education level, and even something as trivial as music tastes.   The trick though is that they look for these things in men they find PHYSICALLY attractive.   When women say that there is a shortage of “good men” what they really mean is that there is a shortage of “good LOOKING men.”

            The looks women want in a man isn’t just about aesthetics.   It’s about how a woman’s body reacts to the physical nature of a particular man.   Women already know what I’m talking about. For the man reading this think about it like this.   How often has your dick got hard from seeing a woman with big breasts? Or a nice juicy phat ass? Or long shapely legs?   Women are the exact same way.   I’ve seen women go into trances because they saw a man with a big chest and big arms.   Some women lose their mind if they see the calves on a man.   Many women struggle to keep their composure if they see a man’s dick print and it looks like he is packing.   Let me give some game here and not that bullshit that passes as game on the Internet being taught by men who can count the number of women they’ve had sex with on one hand.   A woman can have an orgasm just from LOOKING at a man.

            I had a friend years ago.   She was what is known in urban communities as a freak. The more general term now would be “thot,” – “that hoe over there” for those not hip to contemporary slang.   Yeah whatever. To me she was a sexually open woman with whom I engaged in phone sex with every now and then because she lived in another state.   We would talk with each other in general about our sexual experiences.   I remember we were talking one evening and she described a man she saw at a gas station. She said, “Rom this man’s aura was so strong that when I saw him I had to sit down on the curb.”   Just from looking at this man she reacted as if she just had some good dick.   Keep in mind that this man didn’t say one word to her.   He might not have noticed her.   Many women do this.   They will see a man and something in them will shift.   Over the years I’ve seen women stop in their tracks when they saw certain men. Reportedly if a woman’s pupils dilate, her cervix will contract. The contraction of the cervix is one type of orgasm a woman can have. Are you making the connection?

            When a woman looks at a man she looks for sexual worthiness.   Many women will publically admit that they know within a few seconds of meeting a man whether or not they will have sex with him.   They will put him into a Select or Non-Select category.   If she puts him into the Select category she will give him a chance to seduce her.   At that point the man needs to avoid saying or doing anything stupid.   If she puts him into the Non-Select category there is nothing he can do to seduce her.   Even in those rare cases where a Non-Select man manages to get the girl so to speak he will find that she will treat him in an inferior way.   Sex gets rationed and she will likely cheat as soon as a buffed pretty boy decides to return her texts.

            Now when I say sexual worthiness a woman is looking at a man’s body build, his face to see if he is kissable, and even how he moves.   To put it in the terms of a young woman I knew back in the day, “Is he fuckable?”   Many men approach a woman thinking that if they say the right combination of words, make her laugh, or in some cases put her down they can seduce her.   Sorry Charlie, that woman made her decision within five seconds of seeing you.   If she talks to you anyway it’s more for her entertainment, and the number you just got may be fake, and if it’s real she’ll ignore your texts.

            I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you.

            Some men are still going to be in denial of what I just wrote. Even some sexually repressed women. I’ll get to the men in second. I’ve made an observation about women who say looks don’t matter. If they are not outright lying they are sexually repressed and honestly believe what they are saying.   I’ve noticed one thing in talking with these women over the years. Well let me back up a bit. My smooth uncle taught me a lot about how to get information out of people. When he talked to crime suspects they would confess to crimes that he didn’t arrest them for. He would catch them for one thing and they would tell him about fifteen more crimes.   His secret was that he would get them so comfortable they would become chatterboxes.   I watched him growing up as he dealt with people so I learned the same skills. As an aside, old school players didn’t give seminars or have online videos. The only way to learn from them was if they let you hang around them.   They rarely told you anything directly. With the sexually repressed women I would get them so comfortable around me they would tell me some interesting things.   For them looks definitely mattered but the more repressed a woman is the more perfect a man has to be to turn her on sexually.   Indeed one will find with these women that they tend not to have boyfriends or even a good maintenance man.   They will tend to have a lot of males as platonic friends.   Are you going to tell me that at least one of these men doesn’t have the personality characteristics she says are important?   Think on this.

            Men are in denial because of one major thing.   The average man knows he is just that, average.   A man can look in the mirror and can see he isn’t the tallest man, or the most muscular. The average man knows he isn’t going to make money with his face.   Over the centuries men would focus on what they could control which was their ability to provide for a woman, their ability to protect a woman, and their ability to talk to a woman.   What developed was the false belief that a man’s physical appearance wasn’t as important.   It was always important to a woman but it was also important that she had food in her stomach. Women had to attach themselves to the man most willing to take care of them.   What’s changed is that women don’t need a man to survive anymore.   They can get their own money now and pay for what’s needed for survival.   Women still need good dick though.   Take away the “protect and provide” angle and the fuckable aspect of a man becomes more prominent.   What has happened is that women are free to go after men based on nothing else but pure lust.   Many men are still stuck in that 1950’s paradigm.   Feminism and the sexual revolution took care of that.   Now there are still women who look for a man to protect and provide for them but they are looking for him in buffed package.

            Some men are reading this and are still going to be in denial.   They will say something to the effect of money and being able to talk to women with “good game” as being more important than looks.   They are still important, but they are secondary concerns.   Some women don’t even care about those things.   There are plenty of kept men out there.   I’ve known a few such men in my day.   The women will work on some high paying job and the role of the man was simply to stay looking good and fuck the woman’s brains out when she got home.   That’s just the underground shit. The maintenance man game is a street hustle not talked about on the Internet and in most relationship forums and seminars.   The most public equivalent are male escorts who advertise on the Internet.   Knowing an actual street gigolo is roughly the equivalent of knowing real hitman. Yeah it’s that deep.   That may be another book.   Just to let you know that I’m not talking out the side of my neck about a woman’s sexual nature being more visual I’m going to provide a few real life examples which anyone of reasonable intelligence can explore on their own.

            Let me share a story with you. When my book, Nice Guys and Players, was first published I sold several copies at an expo back in 2000.   My girlfriend and I set up my vending table. As we were setting up we noticed that some very muscular brothas were setting up across from us. Their only product was calendars with their pictures in them.   Maybe three other groups of muscular brothas set up near us as well.   It turns out that these men were exotic dancers.   What happened over the next two days confirmed what I had written in my book.   Women were packed in our little section of the convention center where the expo was held.   In addition to me and the dancers a photographer had set up a booth to take pictures. He stayed busy as young and old women would drag different dancers over to take pictures with them.   Over the years I have known male strippers who made drug dealer type money.   Half of them really can’t dance.   There are videos on the Internet of women making it rain for male dancers.   I’ve known about groups of women who would rent out hotel rooms and pay several thousand dollars for dancers to entertain them. They were doing more than dancing.   These men weren’t there because of their financial portfolios or their stimulating conversations.   These women wanted their bodies.

            Another example is sex tourism.   There’s a lot of talk of men going on sex vacations to different parts of the world.   Many people publically act disgusted by the practice.   What’s not talked about is that women engage in sex tourism just as much if not more than men.   There’s been some videos about women going to places like Jamaica and Kenya as sex tourists.   That’s been going on for years. I first heard about women being sex tourists in the mid-eighties from women who engaged in the practice.   In the late-eighties I knew several men from the Caribbean who said they “knew” men who catered to tourists.   It’s an unofficial economic engine in some places.   Once again these women are not going for a stimulating convo.   They want a man with a tight ass body. Women pay for what they value.   If they weren’t turned on sexually by a man’s body there wouldn’t be male strippers and many Caribbean islands would have to replace a major economic driver.

            Go in any major bookstore to the romance section.   The male protagonists in these books aren’t soft body fellows with good hearts and lots of money.   Whether the male romantic interest is a biker or a billionaire with issues the men are always described as physically attractive.   If women weren’t turned on by a man’s looks the covers to romance novels would look very different.   Many books have sold copies for no other reason than that there was a handsome man on the cover.   On the cover to my book, Sexual Chemistry, I used a picture of myself wearing a wife beater. I was told by one of my distributors that many WOMEN bought the book, which is primarily directed at men, because of the picture.   I did a book signing one time and a woman kissed the cover of one of my books and then tried to kiss me!

            The final example I want to use may make people squeamish but it has to be said because not publically recognizing that women are sexually aroused by visual cues can have serious emotional repercussions for many men.   Every week it seems there is some story about a female teacher being convicted of sleeping with an underaged boy.   Now people may say the women were mentally sick or some other excuse that ignores the obvious.   These women slept with these young boys because the young boys looked good to them.   Every other explanation is bullshit and is best left to defense attorneys who are trying to keep their clients out of prison.   In many of these cases the teachers didn’t just rape some young boy.   In most cases these teachers were in relationships with these boys.   These are just the teachers. Every neighborhood has at least one woman who the smart mothers in that area keep an eye on.   A woman knows when somebody is looking at her baby boy in that way.   Since the sixth grade at any given time I knew at least one teenage boy who was getting his dick sucked by a woman old enough to be his mother.   This is a game my Grandmother hipped me to so I know all about it.   I pay close attention whenever an older woman is around my sons.   I will publically debate any man or woman on this issue because it’s personal for me.   That’s all you need to know.

            These older women ain’t getting with these young boys to be provided for and protected.   What a teenaged boy have to offer a grown-ass woman?   He doesn’t have any resources. He’s still sleeping in same bunk bed he’s had for years.   He doesn’t have that thing called “game.”   Real game is knowledge about life.   A teenager regardless of how mature he may be otherwise only has limited life experience.   He can’t game a grown-ass woman who has reasonable intelligence.   The young boy has one trump card and one trump card only with the older woman: his body.   Regardless of how a woman wants to rationalize the situation a young boy really has nothing else to offer.

            The bottom line with all of this is that it’s the very nature of women to be turned on sexually by simply looking at a man. Looks matter and a man’s “look” matters.    Not only are women are looking at a man’s body build, and facial features but are checking out his overall appearance.   Women are checking out a man’s haircut, his facial hair grooming, his clothes, his jewelry, and especially his shoes.   I’m going to play the race card here.   Being fit and looking fly has been the base of the game learned in Black communities for decades. It’s still there. There’s a BIG difference between what passes as game on white male dominated Internet forums and taught in expensive seminars and what a Black kid in Chicago or Washington DC will know.   What the inner city kid knows is that it’s about the look.   If a woman doesn’t like a man’s look there is very little he can do to get her.   This knowledge is shared in my books.

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To purchase "A Player's Eyes" click here.

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Nice Guys and Players Excerpt: Sexual Chemistry

1/31/2016

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In the fifteen years since the publication of Nice Guys and Players I've had discussions, comments, and reviews on various sections of the book. The only exception though has been the chapter titled "Sexual Chemistry." Only TWO reviews in fifteen years have even referenced this chapter. Even then only one sentence was quoted. I find that ironic because it's probably the ONE chapter in the book that a man seeking to improve with women NEEDS to read. The following are a few excerpts from that chapter.

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     Now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. Let’s talk about sexual issues. Sex is the one area that causes more trouble in a relationship than money or nosey girlfriends. Sex is really the major difference between a nice guy and a player. The most consistent statement by women about the nice guys is that they are not good in bed. If they were good in bed they wouldn’t be nice guys. They would be called Mr. Right.

            The nice guy has read through the previous chapters and learned some stuff and the player has read through thinking about what he could add. Both have taken steps to improve themselves. So here you have a man who has worked out, bought some nice clothes, shined his shoes, and is more aggressive and confident. Women start to check him out. He manages to have sex with a woman. After they are through he is on top of the world because the woman was so fine. She would have had more fun watching paint dry. Despite the promise of a great night of passion she was left high and dry. Now what?

            The sexual needs of many women are usually unmet EVEN when they are in steady relationships. Too many men only want to get theirs and may be fooled by women faking orgasms. The biggest single reason players get attention even when women know they are rotten is that the player is perceived to be better in bed than the nice guy.   Now I can hear the nice guys now. “But I’m so romantic.” “I make love in hotel rooms with rose petals and fine wine.” “I take two hours in foreplay.” Fellas, all of this is irrelevant if you don’t turn on the woman to begin with.

            One of the sad things about sexuality in American society is despite the fact that it’s so much a part of our culture nobody really talks about what it really takes for satisfaction. It is especially sad that many relationships are destroyed because both men and women are not being satisfied. There are too many books out there about sexual satisfaction that to me are too clinical. Let me break it down for everybody. Sexual satisfaction by Rom.

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A woman feels good when she is aroused. A man who can appeal to a woman’s senses and mind will usually be chosen. An aroused woman is under a powerful influence. She is under romantic intoxication.   Romance, when you break it down, is nothing more than a form of arousal. Those flowers, dinners, and getaways are designed to arouse women. Romance novels are popular for that reason. Romantic intoxication is worse than any other addiction. Women will change personalities while addicted to romance. They become more excited, their skin tingles, they get butterflies, and they begin to glow. Women have left their families, jobs, and friends to feed this addiction. A woman will sleep with her best friend’s husband while romantically intoxicated. Players can keep a woman in a state of romantic intoxication.   Nice guys fail to do this. A man skilled in the art of arousal, yes, it is an art, can manipulate a woman to the point where he can get anything he wants from her.   Good, responsible men need to develop their arousal skills not only to keep their women happy but also to protect them from the more predatory players. The man who masters the art of arousing his woman need not fear competition.

            Unfortunately, too many men don’t feel it’s their job to make women feel good. Too many men believe all they have to do is be responsible and stay out of trouble. They feel the woman is responsible for her own happiness. To some extent she is, but all women, regardless of how strong they think they are, need a man in their lives. And men need women. There are men out there who are confident, aggressive and look good. They fail with women because they don’t take any actions to make women feel good. Then they get mad at the women for not wanting them. Women want men who can make them feel good.

            Women have dual sexual needs. Most women are only partially aroused because most men don’t satisfy both physical and mental needs. This is why most women don’t have orgasms on a regular basis.   A woman must be fully aroused to reach orgasm. That’s why many women have two men in their lives: The Player to take care of their physical needs and the nice guy to take care of their mental needs.

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Plenty of men are handsome, charming, and confident. These men get attention from the ladies because of these qualities. Despite these qualities, these men may still have trouble arousing women. These qualities are important but more is needed.   To generate sexual chemistry with a woman a man must be able to release his inner masculine. Men today are a mere shadow of what they could be. Many men are putting on a façade to get along in life. Many are wearing masks to conform to the social and political climate. This is especially the case when men deal with women. Men in the four categories behave this way.   Mr. Goodbar plays to the sexual needs of women. The Masked Man hides his true face. The Nice Guy believes that women will come to him if he is nice enough. The Gamesman is busy playing games. All of these men are suppressing their inner masculine energy.

            So what is the inner masculine energy? Let me break it down. Just as the inner feminine energy is receptive, the inner masculine energy is assertive. Sperm goes out from the man. The inner masculine is protective. It desires to protect those associated with it. The inner masculine is disciplined. The inner masculine is will power. The inner masculine faces its fears. Most men in American society suppress their inner masculine. As a result of political and social changes over the last few decades in American society, men are burying their true selves. Many men are not protecting their women and children. Many are abusing their families. Too many men are not assertive.   They are passive in the face of everyday life. Many men are not disciplined. Many lack will power. A man in touch with his inner masculine will have a burning desire to control his own destiny. He will want to control his life.   Which man in the four categories can truly say they control their life? Mr. Goodbar? His ego is in control. The Masked Man? He is afraid to show his true face. The Nice Guy? He is playing a game of make believe. He believes women should want him because he is so nice. The Gamesman? He is all about lies. The man who expresses his inner masculine is the Real Man. He is real because he expresses his true self.

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A Goodbar's Words

1/17/2016

4 Comments

The following is a piece that was written for my unpublished book, "Being Mr. Goodbar." It was written by a gentleman who I would say has some notoriety. He been on TV more than a few times over the years. Women certainly found him easy on the eyes. When he graciously wrote the excerpt for me he simply signed it "Anonymous." What he had to say was very thought provoking. Check it out and tell me what you think.

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Being the sexual center of attraction for women can have its obvious advantages and cruel pitfalls. You go through a number of psychological and social changes that are difficult to understand, even after so many years of being use to it.

          For one, you always have to approach such situations with a certain level of humility - an appreciation for being blessed with enough good looks to draw the women that appeal to you. Humility is key. Humility also gives you a more candid outlook on the universal balance of life, love, sex and relationships. You tend to look at these matters with a very spiritually inspired "third-eye," if that makes sense. Essentially, the moment ego steps in and dominates the situation, you're screwed. You've defied every reason for your being and why God put you here. Because I feel a lot of this is by some bizarre design I have absolutely no control over, so I just have to vibe with it and take it as it comes.

          It also takes an open mind. Be open to the world and all it has to offer. Don't limit your social or sexual perspective. Be willing and able to listen.

            See - it's not really a situation where a man like myself can pick whatever woman he wants. Really, men don't pick women - it's the other way around. Yet, the man has to maintain a level of calm, self-assuredness and overall confidence. I tell younger brothers who are coming up and have questions about relationships that they should take their time. I watch brothers nowadays and they play themselves by approaching women in such a desperate manner and tone. Yelling across the street and shit; walking past a woman and grabbing her arm when she gave no indication that it got physical yet; or that stupid, one-liner bullshit made for club pick-ups. Most women, on the real, despise that shit. The women who do tolerate it are the type you want to stay away from. They are perpetually insecure and have numerous issues. You don't want to mess with a woman who wants to be treated like a dude.

            Don't go out looking for or chasing women.   Let it happen naturally. The most intense, most fulfilling relationships are the ones you never expected nor planned. It just happened. You meet the most beautiful, most compelling women on a subway, an elevator, a bookstore or a coffeehouse.   It's when you least expect it. And you meet them when it just happens; I can't define what that situation is or will be. You define it when it occurs. As men, we have to realize that there is a certain type of woman out there to get matched with every man. All this shit is by design and pre-destination. When you force it, all you do is throw the karma out of whack. You mess yourself up without realizing it. That recent movie "Shallow Hal" was a perfect example of this. This pudgy, desperate and self-absorbed club-jumper would dance with every fine woman on the dance floor and would get rejected all the time. He didn't understand it. He just couldn't see it. But, in the end, once he did figure it out, he ended up with someone who complimented him. She may not have attracted a certain segment of the male population, but she certainly was the best thing that ever happened to him. Which is why I truly appreciated the message relayed in that flick. It spoke volumes of truth.

            Relax - don't let the vagina get you all tripped up and out of character. It's hard, I know, but it's necessary. When I was a teenager, I used to occasionally hang out with some friends who loved going to the local mall and getting phone numbers from the girls. They would keep tally and score - no plans to call these girls, mind you, but it was like a horse race to see who gathered the most "digits." I would stand back and just watch, never getting involved because that wasn't my game. I didn't have a game - I hated playing games. "Getting digits" as it was called was the most stupid-ass game ever devised by desperate cats calling themselves "pimps" or "players". 9 times out of 10, the girls would always end up looking in the back of the group, pointing at me and asking: "Who's your friend?" And I didn't intend for that to happen. But, it made me realize that most women hate fucking games when it comes to men.   They are actually very simple to approach and its not rocket science to please them - they have enough to deal with when considering all the pettiness amongst themselves. So why deal with that shit from men?   Men are men; and petty, game-playing men are like women. I don't have to tell you that these cats stopped inviting me on their outings.

            And that's where we get into the importance of being a gentleman. Believe it or not, old-fashioned concepts of chivalry & etiquette are the most proven form of productive interaction between men and women. It's considerate, gentle and kind.   It separates the boys from the real men. Many of these cats today can't or refuse to recognize the significance of this. The laws of the universe dictate that the female expects and deserves gentle treatment, even during times of conflict.   That's lacking in today's society. Which is why most women that I'll hold the door open for will suddenly get weak in the knees and feel as though its love at first sight.   Or, they think that I'm trying to make a move on them. But, I'm not doing either. I'm simply fulfilling my obligation to the laws of the universe and how God intended. Being a gentleman is a natural component of the male personality. It is a discipline that should be taught from pre-school.

            See, there is this fucked-up perception that being a gentleman is being weak. But, let me school you for a moment. Some of the hardest, most lethal, most effective warriors in history were the most romantic and passionate men to ever walk the face of the Earth. The famous WWII General Patton wrote eloquent poetry while he was crushing Hitler's Nazis. Samurais in Japan were more recognized for their etiquette than they were for swordsmanship.

          Too many boys - particularly Black boys - aren't being raised in that discipline. They are, instead, spoiled and served. I see too many situations where mothers think it's cute that their 6 year-old boys is knocking the shit out of his little sister or female playmate over a damn toy. They think that shit is cute - let's see what they say when that boy grows up into a man and is in jail or before a judge on domestic abuse charges. Or, say, when a smart woman wises up and shoots his ass in self-defense after he just beat the hell out of her.

            And then you have these boys being raised into women. That's some sick, universally destructive non-sense. Suddenly, you've got an entire population of young men who hate women because they want to take their place.

          This is all to say that there is a very special balance between the feminine and the masculine that we must preserve at all times. We have to respect it if we are to survive as a community and a human race. It's that simple. And that must dictate our interactions with women and how we treat them.

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