The following are excerpts from my upcoming book, "A Player's Eyes - One Man's View of Sexual Relationships." The book will be available for purchase in November.
For many I’m the villain of the story. Jealous men and jilted women have thrown shade my way over the years. The men mad that the women they sweated, wined, dined, and chased for years showed me love when all I did was say hi and maybe held the door for them. Jilted women mad at me because despite their seductive best I wasn’t feeling their flavor. Hey a brotha got standards. Whatever. I never worried about these folks though. As long as they didn’t have a gun in their hands (and I’ve had guns in my face) I wasn’t worried. It’s all part of the game of life. I’ve lost women I’ve wanted to other men and I’ve been rejected. It is what it is.
In the popular culture and indeed in conventional beliefs there is the notion that looks don’t matter to women as much as they do with men. Even when women do say that looks matter they will put it low on the list of priorities of what they want in a man. I’m throwing a flag on that. Fifteen yard penalty for unsportsmanlike bullshit. The reality is that not only do looks matter but they matter more to women than they do to men. This is especially true in sexual matters. When women look for long term partners such as boyfriends and husbands they will look at personality compatibility, social class, money, religious affiliation, political views, education level, and even something as trivial as music tastes. The trick though is that they look for these things in men they find PHYSICALLY attractive. When women say that there is a shortage of “good men” what they really mean is that there is a shortage of “good LOOKING men.”
The dating scene is different for a Goodbar. He doesn’t have to approach several women on the street hoping that one will not only stop and talk but also give him the correct number and return the text within an hour. Usually women are either making it extremely easy for Goodbar to approach them or they simply take the initiative and find an excuse to approach Goodbar.
Game as it is generally shared in the public sphere doesn’t work on women. Men think it works on women but on the for real for real, women just let men think it works. When a man approaches a woman, she has already decided what she’s going to do with him. If she wants to have sex with him she has already decided to do so. Now if he wants to throw some corny lines at her, make a production of getting her phone number, take her on an expensive date, and let him think he convinced her to take her panties down, far be it for her to spoil his illusion. She’ll let him think he has control when in reality she’s been in total control the whole time.
The reason women get played is not because they lack common sense, love thugs, or have a sign on their foreheads that says, “Victim.” The reason women get played is because of their egos.
The Sexual Shadow World (Shadow World) is not a place. It is a shadow. A shadow out of the corner of one’s eyes. It is the realm where a few men and a whole lot of women express their sexuality free from society’s constraints. It is where the stay at home soccer mom who makes the nice cupcakes for the neighborhood families has had an ongoing relationship with her young hot neighbor for years. It is where the high functioning autistic but good looking man who works in a library supplements his income by indulging in the fantasies of lonely but affluent women. It’s a world that occasionally leaks out into the mainstream but remains quite hidden. Someone introduced to this world would have their minds blown.
I’ve read several blogs, studies, and watched several videos of those who promote the concept that looks matter. Of course I agree as improving one’s body has been the foundation of my books. That being said there’s another level. If you look at the information in the public sphere it gives the impression that ALL one needs to do is look good. Many people feel like if they get some type plastic surgery then their relationship issues will disappear. They may get a little bit more attention but if other things are not in place that person will not be considered “sexy.”
Many women are very insecure. They can strut around like Amazons ready to conquer the world and whatnot. They can make a business deal in the morning and then go home to their big expensive houses and whip a fabulous dinner for themselves to eat while they watch their big screen TVs. Yeah many women are dripping strength and confidence until they meet that drop dead gorgeous man who’s tall and buffed. That same woman who just addressed executives at a board meeting has trouble saying hello to the man as he walks by. If she does speak she’ll stutter and once he walks by she’ll rush home to change her panties because she peed on herself. It’s not that women don’t want Pretty Boys. It’s just that the butterflies are doing the tango in their stomachs. Just like men get anxiety around beautiful women, women get it worse around beautiful men.
There is the thought that women want Alpha Males. It’s something that I’ve promoted myself on occasion. The Alpha Male is supposedly that tall, handsome man with a take charge dominant personality. He kicks ass in all areas of society. He’s the CEO of the billion dollar corporation, the football quarterback, he’s the charismatic leader of the drug cartel. He is… THE MAN. The wisdom is that these men get the best women. Indeed it is thought these men will have harems of beautiful women who are at their beck and call. Most dating and seduction advice geared towards men provide techniques for a man to either become an Alpha Male or to imitate alpha characteristics. To be bad it’s all bullshit.
One of the main problems is that there are not enough Dimes to go around. A man may not want to deal with the woman built like a water buffalo but he may live in a town with a whole herd of them. The only time a man may consistently see Dimes is when he lives near a big college town or if he hangs around the most popular club in a big city. Even then many of the Dimes are just Nickels who shined themselves up real good. It’s interesting that there is so much talk about a shortage of good men yet it would be easy for men to say that there is a shortage of good women. Unlike women, men would be honest enough to say that we mean beautiful and sexy.
I have real problems with the “game” that is taught on the Internet in blogs, forums and in expensive seminars held in big hotel rooms. My problem is that the shit don’t work for the majority of men who make efforts to learn this “game.” I based that comment on not only several statements made by disgruntled men on the Internet who feel like they have been scammed but from dealing with men who have called themselves “Pick Up Artists” (PUAs). I’ve coached men who have gone through these seminars and classes. Usually I have to deprogram them before I can teach them anything useful. The problem is what the men are being taught is wack to begin with.
Many men have been attracted to a woman who will look them in the eye and say; “You have so many great qualities but I only see you as a friend.” They will also say, “You’re going to make some woman very lucky one day.” Most men just grin and bear it until they see the object of their desire walking around with another man. Not just any man either. The Good Guy has a degree, a career, his own home, and a late model car. The woman who friend zoned him is walking around with an underemployed high school dropout who lives in his mother’s basement and doesn’t even have a driver’s license.
It’s interesting to listen to Non-Select men complain about the choices women make. They can’t for the life of them see the appeal of a Player or Bad Boy. They think the women are the ones with issues and they should go for the Good Guys. Even the women feel this way. Many women will wonder why they can’t seem to fall in love with a gainfully employed, church going, and respectful man. Instead the women are going crazy over a man who barely texts them, who may put them down, and will have multiple other women. Even when women kick a Player to the curb they usually end up swooning for another Player. What’s the issue? From "A Player’s Eyes" the answer is simple. A woman will put up with a Player, Bad Boy, or Dog for one reason and one reason alone: That drug called PLEASURE.
People don’t realize how deep it for a man to sleep with a great number of women in his lifetime. That’s why a lot of men go crazy if they get dumped by their girlfriends or divorced from their wives. Once a man finds that one woman who will fuck him on the regular he wants to hold on tight. Many men will lock down their women for that reason. Even when a man cheats he just has one other mistress. The average man will have about thirty women in his life who will feel a natural attraction to him. Thing is he’s not going to have sex with all thirty if he even meets them. Most people will not meet all the persons most naturally attracted to them. The man may be lucky to meet his thirty but fifteen of them will be in relationships. He will not be naturally attracted to ten of them. The timing will be off with at least two of the women. So he may hook up with three women.
The biggest single problem in male/female relationships is that most people are not realistic in searching for a mate. You have plain looking, average shaped women with boring personalities thinking they can get a top tier male. These women will not only reject men who are more in their league as far as looks and personality but they will do so with an attitude. Even when they manage to hook up with a Select Man in most cases they are not really compatible. Bomb sex doesn’t mean that two people need to be together outside the bedroom. Dude could just have that good dick which he shares with five other women. Yet Plain Jane thinks its love when she is really just a cool booty call. Then when Plain Jane realizes that Mr. Goodbar doesn’t love her all men become dogs until she starts to swoon in the arms of another sexy dude.
The reality is that only a small percentage of men have experienced what I have with dealing with women. The majority struggle in their relationships. That’s even when they can get one. Many men don’t believe anything they haven’t personally experienced. I’ve told men that I’ve always been approached by Dimes and they think I’m lying. The reason is they and their associates have never been approached by a beautiful woman. I mentioned to a couple of men that several women have showed up to my living space in the past without wearing underwear. No way have they said, because it hasn’t happened to them. I tell them I have to think hard about how many women I’ve had some sexual contact with in my life. They think I’m automatically think I’m bullshitting because they remember the three women they have been with.
The following post was originally published on November 23, 2014. I shared some deep knowledge in this one. Let me know what you think.
I’ve been writing and talking about relationship issues for nearly twenty years now. I’ve been paying attention to male/female relationship dynamics for even longer. Despite all of the relationship writers, therapists, movies, and old school player comedians, things have not got any better. Thing have got progressively worse. Way worse. An associate once said that it’s not that the plane is going down in flames, it has already crashed and the survivors are walking around dazed and confused.
Now I’m one of those people who likes to see the big picture on one hand and will also dig deep and break something down. There’s a reality that many people who care about these matters don’t see. For those who see this reality they don’t stop and ponder the significance of what they are seeing. The reality is that there are people out there who consistently get what they want out of relationships. This subpopulation of people will consistently get dates, marriage proposals, money, and lots and lots of sex. So who are these people? They are those women we call Bimbos and their male counterparts, Himbos. Grouped together for purposes of this blog I’ll call them “Icons.”
Now I know someone reading this will think this is obvious. Of course, physically beautiful people are going to get the most sexual attention. Duh! Someone else will think, “Yes, they look good but they are not that smart.” Yet these physically beautiful and yet intellectually shallow people have the key to solving many of our relationship issues.
At this point a sexually frustrated intellectual reading this blog will say, “I knew Rom was crazy but he’s gone off the deep end. The key to solving relationship issues is to have conferences with certified professionals coming together and hammering out solutions.” No joke I have actually read this in print and have had people say this to me. Let me share a true story.
Years ago I was invited to a relationship conference where most of the participants were Ph.Ds. I was one of the few people there who was not officially certified in some type of relationship work. A professional Dominatrix was there as well. She had an interesting presentation but I digress. What struck me about these certified professionals was that very few of them were in functional relationships. Many struck me as having trouble even connecting with the opposite sex. Well except for this cat I’ll call Professor Goodbar. Watching him work the women at the conference kept me entertained. The takeaway I got from observing these people was that they had good sounding theories but very little real world application.
Now I contrast this with Icons. These beautiful, yet shallow people are never at a loss for companionship. People can call them dumb all they want, but the Icons get what they want out of relationships. Seems pretty smart to me. Take the Bimbo. She may not be able to discuss world events, and you may not be able to take her around a group of intellectual professionals. Yet the Bimbo may have men who will take care of all her material needs. Many women are taking care of the financial needs of boy-toys. Think about it, a person can toil on a thankless job for years making just enough to keep basic bills paid or by keeping up their physical appearance they can have people hand them money and material goods.
Now someone will say, “Well they are still shallow and they can’t talk about anything of substance.” Here’s a newsflash. The average person on the street cannot talk about anything of substance. Most people live second hand lives where at most they can talk about their favorite sports team, their dysfunctional family, and what’s going on with particular celebrities. Most people don’t even vote. Only fifty percent of the population is even registered to vote and out of that it is considered a high turnout if fifty percent of the registered voters bother to vote. Again I digress. I used to be an editor at a website which followed politics. I had a flashback.
So why do I say that Bimbos are geniuses? Let me drop some science, knowledge, mother wit, game, however one wants to frame the information. In past blogs I’ve talked about social faces and sexual faces. The social face being how someone behaves publically. The sexual face being how someone behaves in the bedroom. I also in my books, blogs, and videos talk about physical appearance and sex appeal. The problem with the overwhelming amount of commentators, therapists, dating coaches, seduction gurus, and comedians in fly suits is that they focus on the more intellectual side of relationships. They may say “look your best” but it’s more like a footnote. I can’t think of ANY expert that will spend a whole seminar, video, or book talking about the physical appearance side of attraction.
If someone is an expert or knows of such a person hit me up here. I want to interview you. I’m dead serious.
Here’s the science. There are two subconscious sexual orientations. This is something that goes deeper than gender. I’ve only seen this information discussed in two places. One is a book called Amanmere – The Natural Blueprint for Sexual Relationships by Master Yao Nyamekye Morris. Master Yao wrote that all people have two sex drives. One sex drive is the one we are all familiar with, the carnal sex drive. This is being attracted to someone based on pure lust. We are attracted to their face, hair, and body build. The second sex drive is the desire to connect with someone mentally. We are attracted to someone because they have similar interests and compatible personalities. Many men end up in the dreaded friend zone because a woman will have some mental attraction for them but will not be turned on physically.
All people have both drives within them, however, the overwhelming majority of people will express one drive and suppress the other. Very few people are balanced between both drives even if they think they are. People who express the carnal drive but suppress the mental drive are called Sensual Bohemians (Bohemians). People who express the mental drive but suppress the carnal side are called Reverent Intelligentsians (Intelligentsians). To be clear Intelligentsians are not necessarily smarter than Bohemians. Many Bohemians have high standard IQ’s. The key difference is how each group relates to people sexually.
The Bohemian will typically emphasize their physical appearance. They will wear their clothes in such way as to draw sexual attention to them. This is a man wearing a muscle shirt. This is the woman wearing a tight top and jeans showing off her booty. These men and women will typically have gym memberships or will otherwise be very resistant to weight gain. Bohemians have a strong lean towards being materialistic. A key point is that they tend to be very comfortable with their bodies.
The Intelligentsian will typically emphasize their mental capabilities. They will focus more on making a mental connection with people. Most often they will get into relationships with people they have been friends with for a long time because of the mental connection. An Intelligentsian will relate to a person based more on logic than their feelings. Intelligentsians typically wear their clothes in a way to deflect sexual attention away from their bodies. Even if an Intelligentsian female has an hourglass figure she may wear drab colors, and loose clothing which hide her body. The men will wear clothing which may hide the presence of an otherwise muscular physique.
Now there’s the thing I have found in my many years of dealing with different relationship experts. The overwhelming majority of them are Intelligentsian. I can think of one I’ve met who was Bohemian and even what she teaches is more Intelligentsian orientated. The problem with Intelligentsian experts is that they are focused on one side of the equation. What they are bringing to the table is extremely important but there are definite problems. Intelligentsians will talk about things like communication, virtues, and other practical skills needed to SUBSTAIN a relationship. The problem is that people learn these skills and still have trouble getting into a relationship. That’s because they have the skills but they have trouble physically attracting a mate. That’s where the Icons come in.
The Icon does not have any problem attracting a mate. Their problem come from keeping the relationship going long term. Many people have met a person who turned them on sexually and will engage them in a relationship. The issue is that no matter how beautiful and sexy a person is, after dealing with them for a while their flaws will eventually turn someone off. If a person eats their favorite flavor of ice cream every day for a month eventually they will get bored and want something else. Same thing with people. A man can get that hot woman and have steamy sex every day for a few months. He will eventually get bored with her if she doesn’t bring something else to the table.
The point of this blog though is to say that the Bimbos do bring something to the table that is sorely missed from the relationship dialogue. I think about a conversation I had with a lady friend recently. She said she was going to take her son’s fiancé to a strip club so she could learn some tricks to keep the marriage strong. The Bimbo is a Bohemian. She and her male counterparts are very much in touch with their carnal sex drive. People can call them dumb and maybe some areas they are not very smart. The thing is that social intelligence is just as important as academic intelligence. Indeed I have met hundreds of men and women who would trade their degrees and their careers just for someone to love them. The Bimbo has figured out how to at least attract mates.
See there are those rare individuals who have a genetic bone structure which people will deem handsome or beautiful. Most good-looking people had to cultivate their physical beauty. They had to work out to stay in good shape. They had to figure out how to cut their hair and groom themselves for maximum effect. They had to through trial and error figure out which clothes drew the most attention to them. Though they may not be able to discuss world events they figured out how to amp up their sex appeal.
The big problems is that the Icons are shunned in matters outside of sex. In media, and in real life they are considered dumb. They are called sluts, hoes, manwhores, and playas, whatever. As a culture we are stuck on thinking only one group has the answers. We think that someone who has some credentials can tell other people how to have good relationships when they themselves are involuntarily celibate. Yet a high school dropout with a nice booty will have men buying her everything. Many Icons have deep insights into male/female relationships and quite frankly more fulfilling relationships.
If we are serious about dealing with creating better relationships we need to expand the discussion and let the Icons have a voice.
There was stuff I wanted to add to the blog last week but I didn’t want to take any shine from Shophar. Thing is we are still in teacher/student mode, only now sometimes he’s the teacher and I’m the student. We go deep. Deeper than anything I put online. The knowledge we bounce off of each other will one day change the current dysfunctional nature of male/female relationships. Right now the knowledge is known and practiced by a select few. We both apply this knowledge in our everyday lives. When a critical mass of people begin to apply this knowledge the culture, and indeed the world will change. Yeah it’s that powerful.
Now I’m bringing this up because I could easily act like I’m high and mighty to the point where someone I once taught cannot teach me. That’s never been my character though. There is one lesson that has served me well in life. There are actually many lessons but one in particular stands out. The lesson was learning to be humble.
Now I know some readers are like “Rom? Humble? Please!” Yeah I do have a good size ego. Having an ego is a good thing if it helps one to accomplish their goals in life. My ego has driven me to get my education, to have jobs where I can help people, to start successful businesses, to write books, and to write this blog when I would rather be chilling listening to good jazz. Yes I will big up myself but that’s not what being humble means. Being humble means that no matter who I think I am or who I want to be I will shut the fuck up and listen to someone when they are trying to teach me something. I’m a person who learns from whoever I come into contact with. Indeed when people first meet me in many cases they think I’m quiet or even shy. Far from it. I just give people a chance to say what they have to say. Sometimes I learn something, sometimes I don’t. Over the years I’ve had women especially, drop some gems that helped me to date and have sex with some very beautiful women. Let me tell a bit of my story. No matter where I thought I was with women, by humbling myself and listening I was always able to take things to another level. There were three occasions that stand out in my mind.
The first occasion was sometime in 1990. I was where many men who read dating, seduction, and game blogs want to be now. I had zero problem approaching women whether it was on the streets during the day or in night clubs at night. I had a smooth rap as we said back then. Smartphones didn’t exist so we had little black books. Mine was like the yellow pages with several volumes. Collecting numbers was very easy. I had the sharp suits, the leather jackets, and the shoe game was on point. I always kept a fresh haircut. I already had a college degree and was working on an advanced degree. Let’s keep it raw, the race element played a part as well as many Black women don’t so much complain about the shortage of men but about the shortage of EDUCATED Black men. Oh yeah, oh yeah, getting dates was very easy. I had to work a bit harder for sex but I was getting my cut (pun intended). I just wasn’t getting my cut as much as I liked but still more than the average man. Now the only real weakness I had which I didn’t see as such was my weight. I was about twenty to thirty pounds overweight. I still had everything else though and my dick still got wet on a consistent basis. Then something happened to push me to a new level.
I had a date with this fine woman. She was hot. We knew each other for a while and had kissed and grinded at a party before. So we go to this concert. We have a good time with some friends. After the show I wanted some sex. Seemed logical to me. Not to her apparently. She declined and told me why. She said I was too big for her. If I was in my ego I would have got mad but I humbled myself and received her message. See I was raised by my Grandmother and she would talk to me whether or not she thought I was listening. She told me when I was little to listen to a person when they tell you about yourself. Especially if that person tells you in private. She said don’t get mad and thank the person because if one person sees something others do as well. Incidentally the woman who told me about my weight was a dear friend for many more years.
The outcome of that moment was that I started jogging to lose weight. It had immediate benefits as women who had previously put me in the dreaded friend zone decided they wanted to show my penis some oral love. Even the quality of women I was dealing with improved as the pounds melted away. The thing is I still had a ways to go.
The second occasion was in the summer of 1991. After getting my post graduate degree I decided to go into federal law enforcement. I was in the application process for a very prominent agency. Part of the process was a physical test I had to pass. So instead of casually jogging a couple of miles I now had to RUN those miles because the test required that I run two miles under 16 minutes. I was also required to do a certain amount of pushups and sit-ups. Instead of casually exercising, I was in full training mode. I reached my optimum body weight and build during that summer. I was 190 lbs. with less than 10 percent body fat. One woman said I was built like a cross between a Marine and male stripper. I started getting more sex from women but to keep it raw it wasn’t because of the body. The body was only part of the equation.
During that summer I was dealing with some sex workers. I can’t disclose the nature of that encounter without violating some laws. Honestly the legal nature of the encounters wasn’t the most significant thing. When I dealt with these sex workers they had a lot to say about male/female relationships. The info they gave me isn’t something that’s in the public sphere. Indeed since that summer I have read books, attended seminars on everything from men cheating to Tantric sex, read blogs, and have talked with thousands of men and women and have YET to have this info repeated back to me. I have never seen it written anywhere even on blogs where men claim to be players. These sex workers gave me valuable insight into a woman’s nature. Basically these sex workers taught me how to SEDUCE a woman very easily. I was an attentive student. The info is so powerful I rarely discuss it even when I’m around actual players. There were exceptions which I’ll get into later. None of my books or blogs contain the info. Despite what people think to the contrary men who are true seducers are EXTREMELY rare. 99.9 percent of men get women because the women think they are cute or they fulfill some need. That thing called “game” only works in a man’s mind. Women let men think it works because it’s easier.
So by humbling myself I was able to get more sex than I knew what to do with. I entered a place I’ll call the sexual underworld. I don’t mean in terms of alternative lifestyles like BDSM or swinging. It was a world I saw the sexual face of women even when they wanted to hide it. It was a world where the church lady who wore conservative clothes during the day had sex with four men at the same time that night. It was where that lame dude who looked like a virgin had ten women in a sexual rotation. It was world where people showed their true sexual faces. With the skills I had I used to seduce women to pass the time. I wouldn’t even bother to have sex with a woman once she was seduced. I got more from the chase with some women. Keep in mind one dynamic that is true even to this day. I have very rarely been a woman’s type despite everything I had going for me. When women discussed their ideal man I never fit the description. I managed to get around that though.
The third occasion came in 1998. I was having a conversation with an older woman. To this day I can’t remember the content of the entire conversation. I just remember a statement she made. Now I had the body, status, money, car, apartment in affluent neighborhood, and some serious seduction skills that I was growing weary of using. This woman without smiling told me one of the most profound things someone has ever told me. In a brief sentence she changed my perspective of how I looked at women. The understanding that she gave me got me to the point where quality women were ROUTINELY approaching me. I didn’t have to use seduction skills, I wasn’t working out as hard so I wasn’t at my optimum body weight. I even stopped going on dates. Women would just come to my apartment. It got to the point where I worked to dissuade women from coming over. I told one woman I didn’t have any food she said she would bring some. I had women who would straight up tell me they wanted to have sex with me. Women started getting pissed if I didn’t show any sexual interest. I was doing this without spending money or actively seducing. All because I humbled myself to listen to a woman’s thoughts and then changing my thinking.
One thing I need to say before closing out this blog. Many will read this blog and then hit me up privately to find out the secrets I’m keeping. Don’t waste your time. First of all for a man to use the knowledge shared with me he would have to have a certain foundation in place. A man who has had limited sexual contact with a woman would not be able to employ the techniques. I had considerable dating and sexual experience when I encountered the sex workers. I already had a frame of reference to process what they told me. A man who had experienced multiple rejections from women would have dismissed the info as science fiction. I’ve shared the info in the past and many men didn’t get any results. Notice I said many men. The second reason I don’t share the info easily is because one time I carelessly gave a womanizer with bad intent an insight on how to see a woman’s sexual face and he took it and became a more efficient womanizer. He was the type who would have sex with all of his friend’s wives and girlfriends. The bad part was I gave the info freely. So please don’t hit up my inbox asking for some tips. Work on the foundation first which is the body and learning how to talk to women. Pay your dues first.
This isn’t about so much listening to a woman’s advice or changing to please a woman. This is bigger than that. I’ve humbled myself to listen to many men. See I read many blogs and websites. I talk to a lot of people. Many men think they are on top of the game. Many men are considered players simply because they talk to a woman. Some men think if they get consistent dates they are the man. Some men think they have arrived if they have sex with a new woman every other month. One thing I see is a lot of arrogance. Many men need to humble themselves because no matter where they are there is always another level.
One of the foundations of what I talk about in my books and blogs is how women categorize men into select and non-select categories. These categories are further broken down into four subcategories. For the most part it has helped many people and I will continue to use the categories in a general sense when discussing certain aspects of male/female relationships. That being said, I also believe in evolution. I’m a student as well as a teacher and I will continue learn and evolve until the day I transition. I’ve encountered a very significant issue with this classification system. I’ve known about it for years but until now haven’t figured out a way to correct the issue. The problem is that despite how descriptive I tend to be with the categories many men have a hard time figuring out where they are placed.
Most men think they are select. If I ask a man where he think he places many will say Mr. Goodbar. Some with a little bit of money will say Masked Man. Listening to these men talk and being in a position to watch women respond to them I realize that these men are non-select. At the same time I’ve had men who would definitely qualify as Mr. Goodbar identify themselves as Nice Guys because they didn’t feel like they had game. Understandable since Mr. Goodbar types tend to be lousy at doing any work to get a woman. Very few Goodbars have “game.” Almost no man identifies themselves as a Gamesmen even though conversations with them reveal that the only they get women is through deception. Thus the big problem. Though many men get the concepts in general they have still not been as helpful as they could be.
It’s the same thing for people who use the Alpha Male/Beta Male model. Many men are confused as to what is Alpha and what is Beta. This question will be asked and discussed on many message boards and blogs. Some men will think they are Alpha when they are not. Some men will think they are Beta when they are not. See the key to all this is not how men see themselves but rather how women see them.
See when women categorize men they don’t do so in hierarchal terms. They don’t go into a club and say, “Oh there’s the Alpha Male, let me try to get his attention.” They don’t really use the terms I use either which are really like general allegories. They don’t go into a club and say “Oh, there’s Mr. Goodbar, let me go jump on his dick because he’s taller and handsomer than the other men.” Men and women think differently. Men tend to be more direct and focused. Men are like Hawks. A Hawk will fly from point A to point B in the shortest time possible. Women are like Butterflies. A Butterfly will still go from Point A to Point B but they will stop every time they get a chance. They sure as hell won’t go in a straight line. They might fly close to point B at some point and then fly back to point A. Women are more circular in their thoughts and movements. Women don’t rate men according to hierarchy but rather according to whatever their needs are at that particular moment.
What follows are eight of the categories that women in general put men into. There are actually more depending on the woman. I won’t use allegorical names for this. These are everyday terms that any man can recognize. Also something to keep in mind is that all men can fall into every single category. A man who is seen as Husband material to one woman is seen as a Creep to another woman. A man who is seen as Dick to one woman is Invisible to still another woman. The thing to understand from these categories knowing that regardless of how a man see himself a woman will have a completely different viewpoint.
As the name suggests women see this man as good husband material. This doesn’t mean they see him as particularly handsome or sexy. It means they see him as someone they could build a life with. Usually it means someone that shares their value system and would be acceptable to family and social circle. For most women it means a responsible man who will handle his business. Women tend to take their time with this man. They will date this man for a while before sleeping with him because most women know that men will not want to marry a woman who has sex with them too soon. Women tend to get conservative when dealing with a Husband type. Women tend to choose Husbands for pragmatic reasons and not for romantic reasons.
The Boyfriend isn’t seen as a marriage prospect. Yes many women marry their boyfriends after a while but this is something different. The Boyfriend serves two primary purposes, entertainment and companionship. The Boyfriend is the steady guy to have fun with and provide regular sex. He isn’t necessarily Husband material. Many women know that beyond fun and games the man they’re dealing with is a loser. Some lie to themselves and try to see something that isn’t there but as I maintain, women are way more pragmatic than they are given credit for. Many women who deal with bad boys don’t plan to marry these men. That’s why a woman can be with a Boyfriend for years and still end up marrying another man.
When a woman sees a man as Dick, it literally means his value to her is his penis. Dick is not seen as Husband or Boyfriend material. This is regardless of what Dick has going for him socially. A significant number of women just want a hard penis up in them. Dick is whoever a woman considers sexy enough to jump his bones with as few complications as possible. Generally men in this category have solid body builds. Facially these men may not be the most handsome and they may not be that intelligent. It’s irrelevant as women just want their dicks. Many women with Husbands and Boyfriends will cheat with Dick. Dick’s calling card is great sex or at least the women will think so upon meeting them. Much of a woman’s arousal is based on her imagination but that’s is another blog.
A woman will have sex occasionally with Husbands, more with Boyfriends, and as much as possible with Dicks. When a woman sees a man as a Buddy he’s been put in the dreaded friend zone. A Buddy is the type of man a woman will be cool with. She will have conversations with him. She will joke around with him but she does not see him in a sexual manner. She might not even him as a friend. A Buddy is more somebody a woman happens to know. They probably have something in common like work or a social group. A woman is not going to share any deep secrets with a Buddy.
A woman seeing a man as a Brother is probably the worst part of the friend zone. That means the women sees ZERO sexual value in a particular man. Even a Buddy with some effort can move into the Husband or Boyfriend category. When a woman puts a man into the Brother category on some level she is saying, “I will never have sex with you.” What she will do is treat you like her brother or depending on the situation, her sister. A woman will tell a Brother, “I haven’t had sex with my Husband in a year but that’s okay. Dick has been giving me that good-good. He got a big one and knows how to use it.” A man knows he’s been seen as a woman’s Brother when she has no problem discussing intimate details of her sex life with him.
A woman sees a man as Thirsty when he just pesters the hell out of her and she has no interest in him. This is the guy who likes all of her pictures on social media or texts her all the time if he manages to get her number. Most women see men who catcall them on the street as Thirsty. Most women are turned off by Thirsty men. The reason why is because of how women think. Their reasoning is that if a man is getting regular sex he’s not going to be thirsty. Thus if a man is thirsty something must be wrong with him if he is not getting regular sex. A few women will keep a Thirsty man around for a spare Dick. Thirsty men are to women what fat ugly women are to men, easy. Every now and then a woman needs somebody who is going to come over and eat the pussy without any major problems. Many will string along a Thirsty man for this reason.
Thirsty men tend to be decent looking enough for some women to string along. Creeps are Thirsty men who are physically repulsive to women. They are unable to physically arouse women. Indeed their presence tends to evoke negative feelings in women. A man in the Dick category can say, “Good morning” to a woman and she will go weak in the knees. A Creep says the exact same thing he might get cursed out and have a video of him getting cursed out go viral on the internet. Women will get mad that a Creep even approaches them.
Women don’t even see these men. There could be a social event where are thirty men. Ten of the men are Invisible. Later when asked how many men were at the event most of the women in attendance will say, “About twenty.” Yeah it’s that deep. An Invisible can say, “Good morning” to a woman on the street and she won’t respond because she literally didn’t hear or see him. Many men don’t register on a woman’s radar. Women simply don’t see them. Even a Creep registers more than an Invisible.
As I said these are only eight of the categories. Every SINGLE woman has a way she rates men which will be influenced by factors such as race, religion, economic class, and even whether she is in hurry to get home to watch a TV show. The average woman sizes up a man according to her criteria in a few seconds. They are very good at this. Indeed I call bullshit on women who act surprised when a man they’re dealing with turns out to be a loser. Very few women are fooled that easily by a man. Women learn how to read men from the time they are babies. The problem is women like to play innocent victims and many simps and white knights want to believe them. I’m going to go in on this in another blog.
The takeaway is that a man must work hard to find out how women really see him. Don’t ask family members. If they love you they won’t be honest. Ask women you think will tell you the truth. A player once told me that it’s very important to cultivate female friends who will practice tough love with you. They will let a man know how other women see him. They will even suggest improvements. Once a man knows how women see him he can make real progress in getting the women he truly desires.
I write a lot of things regarding male/female relationships that either doesn’t make sense to people or seems like I don’t know what I’m talking about. There’s a reason for that. The reason is one of perspective. Most people can only relate to things that match their own worldview. Indeed most people will only seek out information that validates their perspectives. If something doesn’t validate their perspective they tend to reject the information. That’s the reason why despite all of the books, seminars, coaches, and bloggers out there it seems like relationships are getting worse and not better. Most commentators, including professionals, have only seen a part of the picture and not the whole thing. There were some incidents many years ago that illustrate my point.
When I first published my books I did a lot of seminars. I remember two in particular that stand out because of the contrasts between the participants. The first seminar was with a group of Black professionals. The organizers of the seminar had read my book, Nice Guys and Players, and had pulled my character types out for role play among the participants. They were scary spot on acting out the characters of the Nice Guy, Gamesman, and Masked Man. When they got to Mr. Goodbar the characterization was off. By miles. An interesting thing happened. When the discussion was focused on the first three types the conversation was lively even heated. When I talked about Mr. Goodbar the place was quiet. You could literally hear a pin drop. The concept of a man who had women walk up and drop their panties was alien to most people of the room. Well, except for the Goodbar in the corner working his magic on a Buppie with the phat ass booty. He looked at me, gave me a head nod, and went back to work. Like most things I’ve encountered in life I placed the moment in a mental file cabinet to pull out and think about later.
The second incident came a few years later. I was doing a seminar with some true to the game thugs. These were men convicted of minor crimes and were only sitting down with me because a Judge didn’t leave them any choice in the matter. An interesting thing happened. Usually when I discussed my books and ideas with groups the information would be received with disbelief and at times ridiculed because it went against the belief systems of seminar participants. At times I thought maybe I was the one who was off. Then I come across a group of real thugs. An interesting thing happened. After a little bit of an introduction to my books these men opened up about their experiences and told me the contents of my books. Not only did they know about Mr. Goodbar they were Mr. Goodbar. These men were telling me some things that quite frankly a person would be hard-pressed to find a mention of in any form of media.
See here’s the thing. In a previous blog I talked about men and women having two faces, a social face and a sexual face. The social face is the one everyone sees. That’s the face with the business suit, going to the kids’ soccer games, and being good neighbor by keeping the grass cut. Most relationship advice, most discussions about Alpha and Beta Males, most conversations about what women want focus on the social faces. The sexual faces are something completely different. Socially, a person has a professional job, is a good parent, and neighbor. They even go to church regularly. Sexually that person is a swinger who routinely has sex with strangers. The sexual face is how a person behaves in sexual manner. A major problem in relationship discussions is that the focus is on social faces. The whole Alpha Male thing for example is based on a social face. The Alpha Male is supposedly the take charge, center of attention man who gets all the hot women. This of course is based on the assessment of what such a man is doing socially. The man holding court in a bar is only dominating socially. There may be a few women feeling his vibe but trust me they may never go home with him. Many socially dominant men are weak behind closed doors. So why do I say this?
I’m one of those people who has encountered a WHOLE lot of people in life. I personally have been acquainted with many alternative sex workers. We’re talking about Dominatrixes, and Tantric Massage workers. I’ve also known phone sex workers, sugar babies, true gold diggers, escorts, and strippers. These women have told me a lot about their clients. We’re not talking losers living in their mom’s basements playing video games all day. The women I talked to told me about encounters with men who were SOCIALLY Alpha Males. Straight up, a dude living in his mom’s basement couldn’t afford most of these women. It’s funny as hell to me that a whole subculture of men focuses on being the Alpha Males they see socially without knowing anything about the sexual faces of these men. Let me share some things about myself to give the reader an idea about why I say the things I say.
In my early twenties I was where many men pay thousands of dollars to get. This was back in the late eighties and early nineties. I was at the top of that thing called game. I had zero anxiety approaching women. To use the street language of the time, I had a “smooth rap.” On top of that my fashion and grooming game was A-1. I also had the status of being of Black man with a degree who was pursuing a post graduate degree. The only real weakness in my game was my weight. Though I’m a natural mesomorph, if I don’t work out consistently I would gain weight. The good thing about me gaining weight is that my body tends to gain evenly and not just in one area such as my stomach. Even though I had extra weight on I carried it very well. At most my weight gave me an average physical appearance which I was able to compensate for by having a smooth rap and wicked fashion game, especially with my shoes.
With my game at the time I was able to date and have sex with some very attractive and shapely women. Now I had still had to put in some work to woo the women. Nobody was sleeping with me on the first date, maybe fourth or fifth date. Of course there were some rejections. Also I did hear the words, “Let’s just be friends.” There were plenty of women in what I call the “Not Sure Zone.” Women in that zone will have a little sexual attraction for a man but not enough to simply drop her panties. A man has to work for a woman in that zone. Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he don’t. Where I was at the time I thought I was at the top of the game. I was getting a LOT of play from attractive women primarily in the six to eight range. Even a few Nines and Tens showed some interest. Then around 1991 I entered the Sexual Shadow World and had my mind blown.
I had started running in the spring of 1990 because a Nine didn’t want to have sex with me because of my weight. I was weighing about 230 and quite frankly getting a little sloppy. During that summer my weight came down to about 215 and to be honest I didn’t think anything of it. I was getting pretty much the same play I was getting before from women in the six to eight range. Then some interesting things happened to take everything to a different level.
The first was that I was in the application process for a certain prominent federal law enforcement agency. I had passed the panel interviews and now had to prepare to pass a physical fitness test. I was required to do a certain number of pushups, sit-ups, and to be able to run 2 miles under 16 minutes. So instead of jogging I had to start running. I had to train more intensely. So starting in the winter of 1990 until the summer of 1991 I dropped even more weight. I went down to 190 pounds of lean muscle mass. I passed the test with flying colors. I was walking around at my optimal physique as the sit-ups had developed my abs and the pushups had developed my arms and chest. Women started going crazy over my body to the point where I would ROUTINELY get approached on the street. Even had some young girls yell out their car windows while I was walking on the street. So I had a body that was attracting women to me. That was one part of the equation. The second part came from some unique individuals.
In the summer of 1991 I encountered some sex workers. For legal reasons I can’t get into the particulars but during that summer I learned a lot about the inner sexual nature of women. It was some things not discussed in public and still isn’t. On the internet now there are some men who called themselves “Red Pill” because they think they know the sexual nature of women. They don’t and they’re deluded. They’ve barely scratched the surface. They don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World. Even some men who get a lot of sex don’t live in the Sexual Shadow World. But I digress.
These sex workers gave me a real education. I already knew a lot from women I had been around as a child but these women took me to a new level. There were also one older man who gave me some insight. One of the reasons I don’t hold what is taught as game on the internet in high regard is because of that man. I’ll call the man James. James was an older Jamaican who had a scary insight into how people behaved psychologically. He could look at someone and tell you what’s going on with them. He would mess with people’s heads just to pass the time. He was especially adept at fucking or as he said “getting some punanny.” He was talking about setting up a 900 line which was popular back then to tell men how to bring a woman to orgasm. He was actually the first man I had met who was talking about satisfying women sexually. Most men fail because they don’t look like they can or even care about getting a woman to orgasm.
The combination of the sex workers and James took me into the Sexual Shadow World. In that world Mr. Goodbar is the Alpha Male. Yet in the social world the same man may be a minimum wage worker or shy in a crowd. In the Sexual Shadow World the men at the top of the pyramid are not the tall good looking men with status or game. Physical appearance is important, indeed of supreme importance but not in the classic way that is important in the social world. First of all a man’s face doesn’t matter as much. In the Sexual Shadow World a good looking face is a bonus but not a necessity. If one takes an honest look at the SEXUALLY attractive people they are rarely very physically attractive in the face. There are exceptions but in general SEXUALLY attractive people have average faces. Don’t believe me? Take a real good look at the men and women who turn on people sexually. All they have in common are great bodies. Many are buttafaces. A good looking face is more important for in the social world. When it comes down to sex, a man just needs a hot body, a decent size dick, and some fair sexual skills.
In this case physical appearance is more about the body, the print, and how the man moves which gives the woman a clue about how he would be in bed. See most of what’s in the media is focused on what women want socially. The key to a woman is what type of man she lusts for. A woman may publically say she wants a man who’s tall, with a good looking face, with status and a decent body. Many women when presented with what they say they want may still reject the man. The reason is that they don’t lust the man. Indeed when many women say they love a man they are really saying they lust him. Socially a woman may want that classic good looking man who seems dominant. Sexually she wants that rough looking man with hard body and big dick who would pound her pussy like it stole something.
A key component to the Nice Guys and Players Philosophy is to be a man who can satisfy a woman’s social needs AND her sexual needs. Despite the talk about there being a shortage of men many women who are even reasonably attractive have two men in their lives. The first man is the socially acceptable boyfriend or husband. The first man takes her out, spends money on her, and provides emotional support. He is acceptable to her friends and family. In many cases he is considered an Alpha Male. The second man is one nobody knows about. His only purpose is to satisfy her lust. He might not be classically handsome, he may be broke, and truth be told not even have what is commonly considered game. He can fuck though. Well.
Now I’m not talking about theory here. During the period I lived in the Sexual Shadow World I would say the OVERWELMING majority of women I dealt with had boyfriends. As far as I know I didn’t mess with any women with husbands. I say as far as I know because women lie more than men. I did know some men who didn’t have a problem with fucking another man’s wife. I seriously consider women hypocrites when they talk about cheating men. When women are in lust they don’t give a fuck. A woman will fuck her best friend and sister’s husbands in a threesome if she lusts them. They will find a rationalization to satisfy their lust. It wasn’t certain trashy women either cheating either. It was something that crossed class lines and even subculture. I’ve dealt with church girls, nerd girls, and princesses who cheated on their men. Those goody-goody girls can be the worse. The Sexual Shadow World is where that perfect Ten will do the freaky-freaky while tied up.
Here’s the thing. Many men reject what I tell them because it goes against CONVENTIONAL wisdom. There are men out there who think if they just get some plastic surgery all of a sudden they’ll get hot woman. There are men who think if they behave in a dominant manner the women will drop their panties. There are men learning game in their attempts to get hot women or any women. The only thing a man needs to do is develop himself to the point where a woman will LOOK at him and say to herself, “he can get it.” At the point the man needs to be present enough to pick up on her SEXUAL desire. He then needs to be smart enough not to say something stupid and give what one beautiful woman once said, “Instant dryness.”
The only game is lust. If a man wants more and better women he needs to develop his overall physical appearance so that it generates lust. The man also has KNOW that women want sex as much as men. Indeed the truth is the more sexually attractive a woman is the more they will choose a man based on pure lust.
I just gave y’all some raw game. I wonder who will pick up on it. Hit up me here.
All right I’ve talked about Mr. Goodbar to death. People get it that there are a small percentage of men who have the raw ability to sexually arouse many women. Thing is that Mr. Goodbar does indeed represent a SMALL percentage of the male population. We’re talking at most ten percent. Obviously they are not the only ones getting the attention of multiple women. Just below Goodbar on the sexual hierarchy are the Masked Men. This group of men represents maybe 25 percent of the male population. They are not desired because of their raw sex appeal like Goodbar but they have enough looks to arouse women to some extent. To qualify as Masked Men they have to have some money and status as well.
See the mask is not about a man putting on a façade so much. It’s more about what the WOMAN sees when she looks at the man. The woman doesn’t see pretty eyes, a flat stomach and a big package when she looks at a Masked Man. Even if the Masked Man has these things, which many do, women don’t see raw sex appeal when they look at this class of men. Women will look at the Masked Man and see that he has a nice suit on which means he may be a professional. They see that he is driving a late model car which means he has some money. They see that he speaks and carries himself a certain way which means he may have some status. Masked Men are what women look for when they get tired of dealing with Mr. Goodbar.
Most women see Mr. Goodbar as good for sex and nothing more. Women chase Mr. Goodbar from their teenaged years to maybe their early thirties. A few women never really stop chasing Mr. Goodbar like these women in their fifties who blatantly flirt with young boys thinking they’re still sexy. As an aside these older women aren’t sexy to these young boys, just easy. I may do a future blog on that subject but I digress.
Women with a little bit of sense eventually outgrow Goodbars. Six pack abs don’t mean anything when the bills become due. Multiple orgasms are one thing but when the car breaks down and the repairs cost over a thousand dollars that good dick isn’t helpful to the average woman. After they come down from that orgasmic high the car still needs to be repaired. Goodbar may not be able to help even if he wants to. Many Goodbars don’t have much going for them outside of sex appeal. Many are living with their mamas or being sponsored by some older woman. Many can’t keep steady jobs because they are going in and out of so many women that their work experience doesn’t go beyond minimum wage jobs. The more thuggish Goodbars may have money from illegal hustles but despite what many people think most street hustlers don’t make that much money. The reality is that someone working at a burger joint makes more money than the average street cat. My point in all this is to say that Mr. Goodbar is more a romantic dream but then that alarm clock goes off and the woman has to deal with real life. That’s when the Masked Man becomes more attractive.
So women start looking for that educated professional or in the case of lower social classes that blue collar cat that looks like he is making money. Women in general after they go through their Goodbar phase start looking for a successful man with money. Some women will say they are looking for someone “with benefits.” In the Black community in particular someone may say they are looking for a “BMW,” – a “Black Man Working.” I’m not sure about an equivalent term in other communities though the Masked Man thing is prevalent wherever western culture is practiced. Indeed in the white community the line between Goodbar and the Masked Man is EXTREMELY blurred. Now that’s a topic I would have to get into some deep metaphysical knowledge to fully explain. A few African and Native American Shamans know the great secrets though. I won’t share it here. Y’all not ready.
Back on topic, the Masked Man becomes most desirable to women when they want a more stable and grown up relationship. They want a stable home life and someone who can provide the resources for that home life. The women have that biological clock ticking and will want a responsible successful man to be the father. Some women may already have children and want a responsible, successful man to be the stepfather. A game some women will run is to get pregnant by Goodbar and then try to act like the Masked Man is the father. In my opinion that’s why paternity testing should be mandatory. For this reason many very successful men will get vasectomies.
So you get the idea that women go for Masked Men for their money and status. Funny thing is that women in private, in the media, and in public forums, will loudly proclaim they want these men. Indeed on social media there will be memes designed to shame Masked Men into wanting a woman regardless of her physical appearance and emotional baggage. In many ways and situations a woman will get angrier with a Masked Man for rejecting her than Mr. Goodbar. The average woman doesn’t have any expectations from Goodbar beyond good sex. They are looking at the Masked Man, however, as that good catch. He’s the good man they are speaking of when they say there is a shortage. The Masked Man is marriage material. A woman’s biggest problem with the Masked Man is that he is not cooperating with her expectations. In my observation a woman is more likely to get dogged by a Masked Man than by Mr. Goodbar. Let’s get into why I have this observation. I’ll need some help with this one, so I’ll turn to Eric Money. I introduced the character of Eric Money in some previous blogs as a successful man. I didn’t really get into his backstory though.
Eric Money as a teenager was skinny and awkward. He wasn’t the most popular boy in the neighborhood or in school. When girls texted each other about cute boys his name didn’t come up. In the locker room after gym class he didn’t have any stories or good lies about the girls he had been with like the jocks and thugs told. Eric was just someone who was very good academically. The teachers and older women in the community saw his value but the girls were more interested in the popular boys. Eric went through his four years in high school without getting so much as a kiss.
Things got a little bit better for Eric in college. He managed to have sex with a couple of Plain Janes but those were flings that didn’t materialize into relationships as the Plain Janes were more interested in Frat Boys and Jocks. They made it very clear to Eric not to get his expectations up. They both said that he’s a “Nice Guy but…” Eventually Eric graduated college and got a well-paying job as a financial advisor. The women were still not feeling him even with the extra money. Many went on dates with him and pretended to like him so he would spend money on them. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he took a woman on a date and then after the date took her to a house different from where he picked her up. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to the house where a buffed man answered the door wearing nothing but shorts. It was a defining moment for Eric. His view of women changed. Eric was at a crossroads and decided to change his life.
So Eric started reading books and blogs about being successful with women. After reading all the information Eric went into a period of transformation. He started hitting the gym to put muscles on his skinny frame. He developed a better understanding of a woman’s inner nature. The most important thing he did though was stay focused on his career and stopped letting basic women interfere with his self-esteem and life goals. Within a period of a few years Eric was able to put on forty pounds of muscle. He upgraded his wardrobe and personal grooming. Eric started to hang out in more affluent circles as he moved into a house in an upper class neighborhood and only drove late model luxury cars. The main thing he did was to begin to hold the women he dealt with to higher standards. Before his transformation Eric had genuine interest in women who rated at best as sixes on the 1 -10 scale. After his transformation he would give barely give women who rated below an eight the time of day. He wouldn’t even look their direction while out and about. Of course as a result of that dynamic more women became interested in him.
Incidentally I just gave away some game.
Eric transformed into a fully realized Masked Man. No he’s not drop dead handsome. Even with the extra muscles he doesn’t have a great body which would cause a woman to want to take off her panties thinking as the meme says, “I won’t be needing these.” What women see is a man whose demeanor and self-confidence communicates the message that “yes I can succeed and provide resources. Yes I would make a stable husband.” The panties will come off for a different reason. Now here’s where it gets interesting with Masked Men. Women are choosing them but the Masked Men are not choosing them back.
Here’s a reality that women need to grasp. Truth be told women tend to get mad when this reality is pointed out to them. Many don’t want to hear it. Too bad. Women need to get their heads out of the sand because what I’m about to share is a very real dynamic. Many women will reject a man for many reasons. Admittedly some reasons are very good but many are frivolous. The rejection itself might not be that bad. It’s part of life. I personally say that a man can learn a lot from a rejection. Rejection helps a man to grow. The problem though is that many women can’t just graciously reject a man in way that leaves his self-esteem intact. Many women will reject a man in a mean-spirited way. Many women will purposely try to hurt a man’s feelings. For what? All he did was find them attractive and work up the courage to approach them. A woman doesn’t have to want a particular man but don’t make him feel bad that he isn’t tall with a six-pack and pretty eyes. Yet many women have no problem rejecting a man harshly. Too bad many women don’t understand a simple universal principle: What goes around comes around.
When men are rejected they may get out of a particular woman’s face but they don’t really go away. Some men learn how to game women and become straight up dogs. They learn to treat women in a poor way. A woman may reject a particular man and that man turns around and dogs another woman. Some degenerate men may dog that woman’s teenaged daughter even though he’s forty. In the case of the Masked Men he never forgets what made him into what he is.
Here’s a very common scenario that virtually every Masked Man has shared with me. Even a few Goodbars have talked about this as well. Here’s the scenario. When a woman is young, pretty and sexy she will reject a particular man who wanted her badly. The man is typically put in the friend zone so it’s not a case of a man randomly approaching a sexy woman on the street. The young sexy woman knows the man very well. She even likes the man to some extent but for a number of reasons does not want a relationship with him. Even Goodbars will experience this with at least one woman. Rejections like this hurt the man more than a rejection by a random woman on the street. At some point the man moves on to more receptive women. The sexy woman and the man typically fall out of contact with one another.
Now a few years later that woman runs into the man she once friend zoned. The man is now more muscular and confident. He’s a successful Masked Man, well dressed and moving through the world with authority. The woman on the other hand has put on some pounds and has taken some emotional hits from dealing with a few Goodbars and maybe a Demon Lover. She also has a child from one of the Goodbars who refuses to acknowledge the child. She’s struggling in life and she sees this man who always adored her and waited for a long time for her to return his feelings. At that point she finds this man she had friend zoned as VERY attractive. She starts flirting and the nicer Masked Man may let her down easy.
The meaner ones will say, “Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit.”
Once a man gets to a point where he is suddenly desirable after many years of being seen as undesirable he doesn’t all of sudden want the women who rejected him when he was younger. That may work in a romantic comedy and a novel. In real life it doesn’t fly. Now a few Masked Men may have sex with the women who once rejected them in order to dog them out but most will simply not want to be bothered.
There’s more to be said about the Masked Man. We’re talking about complex individuals. I mean women find them attractive for their material possessions and their status but what about the man underneath the mask. Also a reality is that beyond sex a Masked Man really doesn’t have a need for women. I’ll get into all that my next blog.
I’m about to get into a subject that no one really talks about. People familiar with my work know that I put men into several categories in terms of how women perceive them for sex and relationships. I use the categories so men can know where they truly stand with women and make necessary adjustments. Women read about the categories to get insight as to why they continue to date the same knuckleheads. The thing with these categories is that they are just general descriptions. There are several subcategories within each group and there are several small groups of men who are outliers. In other words these men don’t quite fit into any one group. One group of outliers are the Male Freaks.
When the term “freak” is used it is usually in reference to a sexually loose woman who is down for whatever. The thing is that the term can be applied to men as well. A Male Freak is simply a man with a high sex drive and low inhibitions about what he will do sexually. The Male Freak is someone who is very good at sex. These men are down for whatever with the women they are with whether in a monogamous relationship and in multiple concurrent relationships. Whatever their relationship status these men are the true rulers of the sexual underworld even more so than Mr. Goodbar. Now someone may ask a couple of questions about this. They thought Mr. Goodbar ran things. Not totally.
The Mr. Goodbars look good and draw the most public attention. Indeed many freaks are Mr. Goodbars but not all Mr. Goodbars are freaks. Mr. Goodbar isn’t necessarily better in bed than the average Nice Guy. What Mr. Goodbar does is just turn the woman on more to begin with. A woman gets hot more from seeing Mr. Goodbar and imagining what sex would be like with him. Actual sex with him may be mediocre. Many women are left high and dry (pun intended) after having sex with a man they initially thought was sexy. At the same time I’ve had women tell me they hooked up with a man they thought to be a Nice Guy and got turned out. That’s one reason you may see a drop dead gorgeous woman with an ugly man. Sometimes it’s money or status. Sometimes the ugly man had a 10-inch dick and thick tongue.
See the thing with many Male Freaks is that on the surface they don't look like players or successful men. He’s not the tall one with the square jaw, broad shoulders, and swagged out like crazy. He’s the one who’s average height and a little pudgy. He don’t make too much money. He goes against virtually every principle in the mainstream about what turns a woman on and the dating coaches and seduction gurus never talk about him. He doesn’t look like the popular image of an Alpha Male. Women know about him even though they don’t talk about it in mixed company unless they are around somebody like me. When women see a Male Freak or at least someone they think is a Male Freak they will say something to the effect of “He look like he can fuck.”
The thing is that even a nerdy Nice Guy can be a freak. I knew a cat one time I’ll call Trevor. Trevor was an interesting dude. The women in the social circle we were in pretty much friend zoned Trevor but he would try anyway. A couple of women called him ugly, he wasn’t athletic, and he stuttered terribly. I remember I was talking with him one time when he told me about a woman he hooked up with that was outside the circle. As he was telling me in graphic detail about his episode with woman I was thinking the women in our circle didn’t know what they were missing out on. Let’s just say that Trevor was very creative sexually.
I know a few men like this. If you see them in public they look like church going family men. I know a cat I’ll Matt. This man is extremely intellectual and can do lectures on religious matters and making a computer run better. He’s also straight up freak who, though he’s in his forties, routinely has passion marks on his neck from young girls. Another man I’ll call Kevin is a successful businessman in his fifties who looks corny when he’s not in a suit. He routinely bangs strippers and has a few women sponsor him by giving him money and buying clothes for him. Kevin will look at women and say things like, “she’ll be good in bed,” or “she doesn’t have good pussy.” This brings me to my next point.
Many dating coaches and seduction gurus are in the business of teaching men how to get sex. No matter how they frame it that’s what they are doing. Now many claim to have watched actual players, and lately pimps to gain their knowledge. There’s a problem with this which will explain why so many men feel scammed after sitting in expensive seminars. See many men, and some women, will consider a man a player if they see him talking to or dating a lot of women. A man who talks to or even dates many women isn’t necessarily getting a lot of sex. The reality is that some men have a lot of women who will speak to them and many women will go on a date with a man but not sleep with him. A game many women run is going on a nice date with a man, even giving him a good night kiss. The man goes home thinking he’ll get sex after more dates. When the women goes in the house she texts a Male Freak and he comes over later to pin her legs by her ears.
The issue with following pimps is that the pimp’s knowledge is really confined to getting a woman to have sex with other men and then bring the money back to him. Prostitutes have a very DIFFERENT mentality than the average square woman on the street. A pimp’s knowledge will help a man POSSIBLY get a hoe. It’s useless for getting the average woman. See the pimp is good at spotting a hoe. Even when a pimp turns out a woman he is only bringing her true nature to the surface. No pimp could turn out a square woman. Indeed a true pimp wouldn’t make the effort. To me personally it’s silly to apply pimp tactics to regular relationships. Men who try anyway come off as clowns. Plus as I said in a previous blog the books by and about pimps are only the tip of the iceberg.
The Male Freak, knows not only how to sexually satisfy women but how to truly sexually seduce women. They see what other people don’t see. I’ve known some drug users in my day. One in particular said something I will always remember. He said that he can go anywhere in the country and find the drugs. He explained that he knows what to look for and where to look. He said there were certain signals a person gives off when they are drug users. The Male Freak is the same way. They can see signs in a woman which gives indications of her sexual nature. They can see her sexual face. Once they see her face they can exploit it for their own purposes. This brings me to yet another point. Male Freaks aren’t as picky as the average man.
Most men, especially men who sit in dating seminars are concerned with getting the most physically attractive women. Men aren’t paying several thousand dollars to get the average woman. Men want the Nine and the Tens. The thing though is that the overwhelming majority of women are not Nines and Tens. Indeed most Nines and Tens drop to Sixes and Sevens without the makeup, pushup bras, and tight clothing. Many average women out there are horny. So at the club while the majority of the men are scheming to get at the most attractive women, the Male Freak is dancing with the slightly pudgy Plain Jane. Most of the men will leave the club with nothing, the Male Freak will leave with several numbers including one from the same attractive woman all the other man wanted.
Very attractive women want good sex and will look at a man and think, “I bet he can fuck.”
The Male Freak is open for women period. He will have sex with the slim petite woman on Monday and the BBW on Wednesday. Now many men will not want the BBW and that’s cool. The very nature of the Male Freak is that he is turned on easily by most women. A reality is that the overwhelming majority of men are sexually repressed. The Male Freak is simply not repressed. When a man is turned on like that he starts to develop ways to fulfill that sexual need. He figures out which women are likely to have sex with him and what he needs to do to make that happen. He takes an effort to satisfy women so he can keep his needs fulfilled.
Now someone may ask why I write about Male Freaks. I find them fascinating. If you think about it billions of dollars are spent by men globally for the express purpose of getting sex. This is through dating, seminars on how to get sex, or simply paying for prostitutes. Yet there is a small population of men who get sex easily without spending a dime. Many even get paid as Gigolos and male Strippers are basically Male Freaks. Now let me give you a powerful secret which I never shared. I have said that my books represent the viewpoint of a Mr. Goodbar. They do but a certain type of Goodbar. I learned much of the sex game from women, mainly freaks and hoes. The useful stuff I learned from men came from Male Freaks.
Oh and once again I gave a major technique for getting sex from a woman. Hit up my contact form here if you think you know what it is. I never said I didn’t know game I just said I wouldn’t teach it but sometimes I can’t help but share some things while getting a point out.
Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, or all of your numerous devices have been broken you have seen the mug shot of Jeremy Meeks. Not only has this picture gone viral but it has become another chapter in the age old debate about whether women like bad boys. I mean this has polarized people. You have women setting up social media pages for this dude they never met. Men are hating like a champ. I can’t recall the last I’ve seen anything that provoked this strong a reaction out of people. So you know I had to put my $59.99 into it. I think bigger than 2 cents.
Anyone who has read my books or simply my blog knows I put a lot into physical attraction. To say that Mr. Meeks has validated my viewpoints is an understatement. Let’s be real about it, people are not talking about the man because he committed a major crime or act of terrorism. People are talking about him because he took a mug shot that women find attractive. That’s it. I could see if he won America’s Top Model through a national vote. Naw he just took a regular picture. Bad picture really because mug shots aren’t supposed to be flattering. If a person is taking a mug shot it means they made some unfortunate choices in life.
Let’s be clear on something. Women are not going crazy over Mr. Meeks because he’s a thug. Many want to frame it that way but if that is the case how come the pictures of the three men arrested and charged with him haven’t had their mug shots go viral?
Stop and think about it.
Mr. Meeks is now famous and will probably get money out of this because women found him very attractive. That’s it, ballgame. It really had nothing to do with him being a thug. Look at this photo shopped picture.
If Mr. Meeks was a regular model his picture would still make the rounds on social media through one of the numerous pages which cater to women who like to look at attractive men. Maybe not to this extent but his face would still be well-known. This phenomenon proves something that I have always said: Women really don’t check for thugs. Women check for good looking men who may HAPPEN to be thugs.
I have said for years that the Thug Love thing is overrated and misunderstood. The problem is that women are not completely honest about what they really want in a man and it’s impossible for a heterosexual man to see what a woman sees in a particular man. The simple reason being that men don’t have a vagina. The average man can’t judge what a woman sees or more importantly feels with another man. I’ve heard men say, “Well I look better than him. I’m more handsome.” His buddies may even agree with him after they say, “no homo.” They are looking from a heterosexual man’s point of view though which will tend to be more objective. The woman is seeing something totally different. Over the years I have had women confide in me about some man they were lusting after. Different women of course will say different things but there was ALWAYS one common theme: they all said that the men they desired were PHYSICALLY attractive. Typically they considered the men to above average in looks as they would use words like gorgeous, dreamy, and beautiful. The men these women were lusting after ranged from common street thugs to white collar professionals.
In my blogs I’ve talked about how I grew up in the underclass so I definitely saw some thugs getting women. I also have college and post-graduate degrees. The pretty boys with degrees got more women because they not only had the looks but they had the status and money as well. At the same time I’ve known some thugs who got less play than a church boy. I’ve known plenty of professionals who have to travel out of the country to get sex or even attention from women. The thing that separates the select men, the men who get women, from the non-select, men who don’t get women, is physical appearance. Forget everything else you’ve heard. This is the real deal.
The thing most men don’t get and that women don’t admit to publically is that they are just like men when it comes to evaluating the sexual desirability of the opposite sex. I would argue that they are worse. A man will have sex with a physically unattractive woman if she makes herself available to him. Many women however, will choose celibacy rather than have sex with a man they consider physically unattractive. This is the case regardless of the man’s money, status, or game. Some women may have pity sex with an unattractive man if they are horny enough and the man has spent enough money and time with them. For the most part the unattractive man will be friend zoned.
I hate I had to be the one to tell you.
Now someone may say Rom why are you saying all of this? Aren’t you concerned that some men may lose hope? No. Contrary to popular belief anybody can improve their looks through diet, exercise, and attitude. Women know it’s about looks, so there are whole industries designed to help women improve their appearance. Men need to realize that they need to do the same thing. The irony is that men still have it easier. A man doesn’t have to be drop-dead handsome to attract a woman. A man really just needs good grooming, a decent body build and a likeable personality to at least attract a girlfriend. Every man is a Mr. Goodbar to somebody.
I don’t want to make this too long. Men need to stop worrying about women chasing thugs and work on themselves. If a woman wants to be with a thug more power to her. A man needs to be concerned about the women checking for him. While he’s looking at the thug chaser, three equally attractive women are wondering why he doesn’t notice them. Build yourself and the women will come.
So the question must now be if Rom doesn’t teach game, how can I get women? I’ll say this. Game does work. There is no disputing that. A man using game can definitely get women. Even at the rudimentary level that is being taught by dating coaches and seduction gurus. The real issue is what type of women are receptive to game. The women most receptive to a man running game on them are not the top quality women men pay hundreds of dollars for books and seminars to meet. The women most receptive to game tend to be either plain Janes or simply ugly, overweight, low self-esteem females who lack street smarts. Even the physically attractive women who seem to be receptive to game have some things going on. The attractive women tend to be promiscuous anyway and quite frankly will have sex with a man whether he used game or not. If I wanted to teach game I would simply teach men how to tell if a woman is promiscuous or easy regardless of her mask. My point in all this is that men using game are not getting the best they can get. They are getting grocery store hamburgers instead of steakhouse Filet Mignons. So what should a man do?
First thing a man needs to understand is that women WANT to have sex. Many men have the false belief that women are not as interested in sex as men. As a result many men approach women thinking they have to convince the woman to have sex. She’ll have sex just maybe not with him. The first mistake is that men tend to approach women who are not trying to seduce them. Women are really as sexually aggressive as men. They just express their aggression in a different way. Instead of approaching a man, a normal woman will dress, and behave in such a way as to draw a man to her. Women by nature are seductive. They want to draw your attention to them. That’s how they hunt. A young girl on my day job had a short sexy dress. I complimented her and said, “You’re hunting aren’t you?” She answered, “Yeah I’m looking for a new man.” A man doesn’t really need game to get a woman. He simply needs to pay attention. If he pays attention he will notice that at least one woman has been trying to seduce him. The key for a man is to develop himself into the type of man a woman will want to seduce.
The first thing a man has to do is develop his physical sex appeal. Women are turned on by a man’s body period. A woman has to be able to look at a man and want to PHYSICALLY have sex with him. Forget all that mess about WORDS turning a woman on. A man’s body turns a woman on, period. Now let me explain why it seems like a man’s words turn a woman on. Women are moved primarily by emotion. They are built that way. Men need to stop expecting women to be rational. They can be but they are primarily moved by emotion. A woman’s emotions are moved by her hormones. That’s why a woman’s moods changes by the week, even day to day. Now what women do is rationalize their emotions. Let me get Dexter Goodbar in here to illustrate my point. A married woman, Gwen, meets Dexter at a store he owns. She immediately lusts him. Dexter picks up on it and immediately hits her with his sexually enticing conversation. Gwen wants him bad because her lust is affecting her emotions. She starts thinking that her husband isn’t attentive or that good in bed. What she is doing is rationalizing her desire to sleep with Dexter. She sleeps with Dexter and tells her friends. Instead of saying that she was simply turned on by Dexter’s body she says that he said all the right things. The truth is that Dexter was trying to get a sale and his best sales technique with women is to flirt with them. Gwen had decided she was going to sleep with Dexter when she first laid eyes on him. She just had to rationalize her choice.
Men need to understand the reality of a woman’s sexual aggression. If there is a man thinking he still thinking he needs game let me share this. There are plenty of stories in the media about female teachers having sex with underaged male students. Those are just teachers. There are many older women who seduce and sleep with teenaged boys. Something I’ve NEVER shared before but I will do so now. When I was seventeen I had a brief relationship with an older woman. I don’t want give away the details. I didn’t see it as abuse or a bad thing. It’s just something that happened. The thing about it though is that I didn’t use any type of game. I just allowed myself to be seduced. She was pretty and besides the physical aspect we were both science fiction fans. My point is that I was able to get her without using any type of game. She wanted me and I allowed it.
So a man needs to understand a woman’s true sexual nature as well the need to work on his body. Just a note about that. A man does not have to be super-muscular or drop dead handsome to attract a woman. It doesn’t hurt but if someone isn’t blessed with great genetics he call still turn on a woman physically. Women like different types of bodies. Some women like tall and beefy, some like short and slim. A man needs to work on developing the best body that he can. He then needs to pay attention to see which women are turned on by his particular body. All men really don’t need to have movie star looks to get women. Most women don’t want to be with a man who looks better than they do. All a man has to be is decent looking with a body that appeals to a particular women. The only women that tend to want a man that looks better than them are buttaface women. The reason is that it makes them look good by being able to seduce a good-looking man. Most men classified as Mr. Goodbar have average to slightly above average faces. Men who are extremely handsome tend to have issues with women for numerous reasons I’ll get into in a future blog.
Other than his physical presentation a man needs to work on his overall character. A man doesn’t need to and shouldn’t change his basic personality to get a woman. If he is naturally cool and calm he shouldn’t become gregarious because he thinks it will attract women. Many women are attracted to cool and calm men. A gregarious man shouldn’t try to be laid back because he thinks it will attract women. Many women are attracted to gregarious men. See what many dating coaches and seduction coaches teach men is how to wear a mask. That’s why so many men fail. Men have to be themselves. They have to develop their character. Too many want to become a clone of someone else. For example, many men try to emulate pimps because they see how pimps control women. First of all pimps do is manage women, they don’t control them. Most women who get with a pimp are naturally promiscuous anyway. All most pimps do is take advantage of the prostitute’s basic nature. There are plenty of women out there who sell their bodies for money and they don’t have a pimp. I first learned of that hustle during my childhood. I also know some former sugar babies. People really don’t know how deep the sexual underworld goes. Yet another future blog. My point about pimps is that men try to emulate that which they don’t know about. The books on the market about pimps, even those by pimps, are just the tip of the iceberg. Ask me how I know.
When I talk about character that deals more with how some men interact with other people. The reason most men fail with women is not because they are ugly, or broke, or don’t have game. Some men are just not likeable. I was at a wedding reception one time. I was sitting at the table with a lame ass dude. We’re at a joyous occasion and all this lame dude was doing was complaining about how women don’t like him. I guess not. He really wasn’t likeable as a human being. He wasn’t the type of person I would invite out with a group for some beers. Many so-called Nice Guys are whiny and obnoxious. A woman could be turned on physically by a man and still get turned off when he opens his mouth. Words won’t seduce a woman but they will sure as hell turn her off. A man needs to work having a positive character. Nobody wants to be around a negative individual. A man who wants to attract women needs to work on being likeable by women. This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything a woman says. It means being cool to be around. A man has to get to the point where a woman wants to be around him because it feels good to her. A negative man isn’t going to make a woman feel good.
I use the character of Dexter Goodbar as an example of a man who gets women based on his physical appearance. A few blogs ago I introduced the character of Jimmy Cool. Jimmy is Dexter’s cousin. Jimmy isn’t fine like Dexter but women love him because he is cool to be around. Let me share another thing about myself. I attracted many women because they liked how I looked physically. There were other women I got with who looked at me and said, “He aw’ight.” There were a few women who didn’t like me all at when I first met them. I won these women without trying because they were able to get to know me and considered me to be really cool. For the most part I'm a positive person to be around. I’m not the type who complains a lot. If I complain publically about something I usually try to come up with a solution. See I was a person women liked being around even if I wasn’t having sex with them or spending money on them. I’ve always had a lot of female friends. Ironically I’ve only heard the term “I only see you as a friend” a few times. Those women who friendzoned me were women I either eventually had sex with or they expressed a desire to do so. All because I stayed cool and kept a positive character.
This doesn’t need to be too complicated. Instead of taking the shortcut of game and getting subpar women a man needs to develop his body and his character. The more his body and character is developed the better the quality of women who will try to seduce him. At the end of the day that’s what it’s all about: a man being the best version of himself and getting the best out of life.